Suddenly and Secretly

Chapter 7. Physical Wounds And Just Plain Physical

Warnings: Adult Themes

Disclaimers: I own story but not bleach sadly.

YAY thank you for the reviews!

ShadowofLight: lol i hope you didn't fall to hards. thanks! i worked hard on the lemon.

Yaoi is in the air: yes Ichigo does have a vivid imagination and maybe more of the internet will come into play.

JaganBoltz: YAY my sex scene is good. lol

Touya06: thanks for the review. Ichigo is more than kinky and that will show up soon.

Nex: thanks so much! i work very hard to make this an awesome story

MibuWolf: yes i am meanie, lol

i know many more have reviewed me but in a haste to print this i can not post all of your names. Despite this THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


MY SCHOOL IS KILLING ME! So much work! i'm sorry for the late updat.


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"I also liked the picture of the one couple. The red intertwined with the black, lace leggings along the crouch. Talk about revealing!" It was a happy voice. One graced with delightful eyes and a feral smile. Pouting lips met the groves of teeth as they were sucked in a passionate way. This mind was a dreaming one. Lost in lecherous exploitations and breathless positions. Curiosity of the carnal prose caused a deep thirst for answers. Why had someone committed such a wonderful task as to creating that writing of sexual release and conquest?

"Uh huh...." It was annoyance. A voice lost to the slow decay of boredom. This mind was a sighing organ of dissatisfaction. Why had he been discovered? Why must the others find his secret coven of pleasure? Why must he be forsaken and denied the right to fuck to his heart's content? Such punishing questions created by the rigid standards of his life. He was forced to hide, to adhere to sneaking around behind lock and key, and sighing with dread. His one love, his greatest desire could never be told. A solemn head bobbed up and down with a long, drawn out rhythm. Lips were just as pouted, sucked in, and marked with indentions; but with the sole purpose of acting affronted. With ears that burned from the explicit dialog, Ichigo listened to the lively voice beside him. The conversation had been raging on for far to long, lapsing into a dry staleness.

"And if I had my way, I would have been more descriptive. Like, added toys. I heard and saw once--Yumichika is a very bad sex addict-- that there's this rod thing--" Renji was lost in his banter. His mind trapped in imagination of the fetish kind. His face was a lit in pleasure, his hands dancing with each word as his eyes shined with a child's delight. (Sex was good. No fancy words or descriptions. It was good. Period. Maybe fantastic. But thats it.)

"UH huh." Ichigo was warped. His mind was a blank slate after a furious crash. His hands came up to hold his face as his eyes sunk low. His body was collapsed, limb, and disinterested as he stared at the shiny screen. He was imagining, dreaming of fictional outcomes that his other self, the one locked away in a fairy tale, had survived. His other self, his mental self, had received a taste of something euphorical. His mind had been fucked by Renji. Lucky bastard.

"Plus if ya guys can order it on the "computer" and the "TV" what's next!" Renji threw his hands up and bounced gleeful on Ichigo's couch as soft pitter-patter of voices resonated from the television set. It was back ground music, something that Ichigo could lose himself in while Renji discussed the pros and cons of the sexual world. Ichigo had forced the television to not only be his confidant but also his scapegoat. He had forced the innocent plastic box full of wires to become tarnished, to become a victim of his resignation not to listen to Renji's opinions. Therefore while Renji chattered on, Ichigo slumbered in a state of forlorn thoughts. What would he do? What would Renji try next before he finally broke Ichigo's resolve? Was he that wicked? That decadent, that his lust for Renji was blind sighting his world? Renji shouted out another half thought sentence and Ichigo returned an equally pondered upon response.

It was all so cruelly unfair.

"That's nice." It was a nonlaborous answer. A gift that Ichigo had perfected after only the numerous dealings with his father. Two words that expressed perfectly how he felt. Burdened and even more burdened. There need not be some descriptive adjective or cliche expression to describe his position. He was only unnerved and fearful. He was excited only to the point that Renji was an idiot. The man had not read all that the story contained. Ichigo was grateful and furious all in painful tantrum. It was that lingering question, that nagging voice of what ifs that drove him crazy on the inside. What would have transpired if Renji had read that final part. Would he have cursed Ichigo to the heavens, then slapped him with the computer? Or perhaps Renji would have blurred the lines between fiction and reality, been more than a requited fantasy, and made Ichigo's wet dreams tangible.

Sticky, sticky, slow and sticky
.
It was a blistering train wreck after all. A double connotation of words. Sticky, sticky, utterly sticky. As if the word "If" wasn't already so messy, "it" had gained a new identity. One that Ichigo kept repeating over and over in his head as he listened to the television set. If a transsexual male could find love with a former drag queen then why couldn't he? It was that one thought, that moment of doubt that caused a nightmare of a question to bloom. With a face of masked horror, Ichigo diverted away from the "Why's", "Whats", and the terror some "IF's" and into the fearful categories of "Was" and "Did's". A group that was more condemning, more life changing than any self examining question could attach to a why. The question was simple.

Was he truly in love with Renji? Did he, Ichigo Kurosaki, desired Renji simply because he was desirable? Had his lapses from reality created the longing, the suffocating experience of being in love? Had fiction finally become so intertwined with his life that detaching it from the fibers of reality become impossible? Had Ichigo found an out lit away from the absurdity of his life and channeled it into delirious obsession?

The soft voice of Renji brought Ichigo away from the tv's music and his conclusions to answer another question. Ichigo turned his head, his eyes betraying his shaking insides, and shrugged at Renji. Renji studied Ichigo, his eyes absorbing the hidden flinches and flickers of Ichigo's eyelashes. With a sift say Renji then returned to his story of Yumichika. Ichigo closed his eyes softly, focusing on the image of Jill, the transsexual, dressed as a geisha.

For almost two hours Ichigo had been feigning watching television. For almost one hundred and twenty minutes he had answered in a flat, monotone inotation. Ichigo's response to Renji's little escapade of literature was startling. So Ichigo's reaction was even more surprising. Ichigo had gasped, his eyes rolling back to see his own insides as his chest had constricted painfully and he was overcome with sudden dizziness. He had lost his balance and swooned, hitting the floor with a mighty thump. For nearly twenty minutes Renji had stood over his fallen body, staring at him with a look of utter complexity before venturing slowly down to poke him in the chest.

Had time stood still? Lost its pattern to destroy?

Angered and annoyed, Ichigo had smacked Renji's hand away and lumbered down the steps to sit sulkingly on the couch. Why must he envisioned the purely fictional? With a sour mood, Ichigo had listened to Renji blabber on about how great the "strange sex box was." luckily for Ichigo, Renji hadn't asked him if he had anything to do with the creation of that sensuous piece of writing. Or, as Renji had now labeled it, the thing that turned his balls blue.

How poetic Renji was.

Fucking red heads. There, Ichigo could be just as poetic.

"And I would like to explore more on that site. What's it called?" Renji cast a quick look at Ichigo. The other male was distracted, Ichigo's face slack, and his eyes avoiding everything but the television box. Renji took notice of this and pondered about sex, the computer box, and just why would Ichigo have been using such a thing. The possibilities were numerous.

"Xclusive.com The place for all your needs. If it vibrates, wiggles, or is coated in chocolate we have it for less." (It was a horrible fucking site.) Ichigo cursed silently in his head with mighty vehemence. How his once favorite site for happiness had wronged him. He was betrayed and left to the mercy of Renji's comprehension of the obvious. Ichigo would have to make sure he deleted the site from his bookmarks. (Thank kami I still have my skin flicks saved on my media player.) Maybe he had created the illusion of love.

"Ya ya, I like that ThornedRose. He sounds like a hot piece of ass." Another quick glance. Renji licked his lips and mused. A silent scheme was better than one shared to all. Renji smirked and watched as the name ThornedRose caused Ichigo's eyes to flutter. A response was better than none, especially when it brought with it conclusions. Even when Ichigo wished to become translucent he would always shine opaguely.

"Sure, he's a real ball of fun." Ichigo pressed his back into the couch and gulped. The sound of his screen name murmured on Renji's lips caused his insides to squirm. Was it possible to read between the lines? For Renji to guess that Ichigo had been longing for the red head for centuries? Or.. was it simply days, maybe minutes, mere seconds.....or possibly only for a flicker of an instant. Was Renji what he truly desired? Could he possibly fall for the over bearing, carnal man?

What had his first sexual dream of Renji been like? Had it been amazing? Perhaps full filing? Had Ichigo enjoyed it? Had he truly begged for more? Or maybe, just maybe....they were only misunderstood and mislabeled nightmares.

Renji took stock of their positions. They were close. Their hands resting against smooth leather as their bodies were bent in preferred positions. Renji closed his eyes, released a blissful sigh, and slid closer to the still dazed Ichigo. He waited for a few seconds, watching the images on the television set before moving again. Ichigo's eyes fluttered, his brain absorbing the filtered images on the screen. Ichigo wanted to ignore Renji, to forget, even for a little while all that had happened. Ichigo wanted the burning questions to end. However Renji wanted them to continue. With the skill of a Cheshire cat, he moved with a coy simplicity. Pressing his body against Ichigo without truly making any physical contact. It was the illusion, the creation of a second skin. A skin that set the boundaries for every action. It was the sensation, the caress of one body soaking in the other. Ichigo shuddered, his mind still trapped in the illuminated screen and his own realm.

Renji frowned, his lips smearing in distaste, the effect was working but much to subtle. Renji tilted his head, leaning in just to the surface of that false skin. He brought his face up against Ichigo's right ear, breathing in and out. It was slow and painstakingly close. The very type of physical contact that deserves its own slow motion moment. Renji smelled the fragrance, the scent of softness. The soft downy hairs bristled against Renji's nose. With a controlled voice, his tone that of a purr, Renji breathed.

" Ya know.... I would like nothing more than to bend ya over this couch and fuck ya until the leather rips." Renji waited, the seconds the perfect amount, his words possessing the correct roughness to screw with the tension he had created. It was perfect contrast. Renji breathed once more, tipping his head back allowing only the very tip of his nose to braze Ichigo's fleshly shell. With a yawn, Renji returned to his original position and distance. Ichigo waited, his very essence tingling with itchy need. Ignorance consumed him, his mind lost to the sense that something tormenting had just assaulted his yearning body.

Or perhaps it was just physical need.... to be desirable simply to be desired. To be wanted simply to be wanted. To fuck solely for the purpose of release. Ichigo's jaw tightened, his eyes watering as he turned his head to meet Renji's. The answers were not needed for Ichigo to draw a conclusion. By now they were irrelevant. Pain and anger at past days event clotted the ability to comprehend. The screws were turning in Ichigo's tightened jaw, the sound almost comically, as the action was time staking.

His ears were ringing, his eyes blinking from their television daze. Renji's voice was an echo to him. The words had filtered in and part of what they should have meant seem to shake him. Ichigo stared, stared at Renji's perfect composure. The grin that was not sealed properly, The way his body boasted his every intention. Ichigo continued staring even after the word starring had progressed into something else. It was scathing, demoralizing. It was the type of stare that Renji would have projected himself in this situation. Renji's silent demeanor gave it all away and Ichigo could not see past the smug smile and the gleeful eyes. Ichigo was a stalker from the up most, closest proximity. Renji wanted him.

"....What?" Ichigo slurped out in one dizzy breath. He opened his mouth, trying to form another word, another syllable but failed. He closed his mouth, his teeth biting down on the plump skin. He moved fast, bring a finger up to shake in the air. It was an attention grabber, a way to communicate when his voice failed him. His anger was nerve dissolving. Limiting his responses to foolish struggles. His digit trembled in the air, his mouth continuing to gape open. He could not articulate a comeback, a response to that ostentatious sentence.

He knew what Renji had said was offending or at the least revolting. He knew that he should react. He tried again, desperately. His lips moved with violent tremors, ghosting over the word "Fuck" his tongue preparing to sing, but he was beaten to the deliverance. His words were washed out by to the shrill ringing of a cellular phone.

Renji jumped, his body jerking in surprise, and reached awkwardly into his pant's pocket. His fingers struggled over the demin, awkward, not used to such coverings before slipping inside. Renji face was a mixture of annoyance and expectation. His fingers continued their cloaked struggle before his hand emerged from the material and the volume of the ringing increased. Renji stared down at the scratched and dented phone before quickly flipping it open. The sound instantly changed, morphing from a ring into a dull blimp. Renji studied the screen and then with a smile, snapped the tiny phone shut. Pleasure was clearly written, the violin filling the void that the tiny phone had created. Renji turned to Ichigo, his face alit in deviousness; the perfect contrast to Ichigo's stark and gloomy features.

"Time to go to work."

It was this tiny sentence that Renji issued as he left over the couch and sprinted upstairs. All the while Ichigo's mouth was still working on his comeback to Renji's not so innoncent declaration.

"Fuck"

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Ichigo's mind held a begrudged pattern of discombobulation. With mediocre skills, he assessed the slippery surface upon which he was slipping. Renji. Renji was his slippery surface. The chasm looming beneath his swaying body tickled at his feet with intrepid questions while his mind, heart, and arousal twisted him every which way. It was a duel of moral conscience, of dreams, and of action. For a week Renji had possessed him. For a week Ichigo had given power to a unknowing Renji. Renji's sly touches, his frequenting slip of the hand and tongue, the crude sensation of breath upon breath. Renji was toying with him, testing him to see if he would abide to his inhibition less games. It was all just a joke, Ichigo was just the next conquest.

Renji wanted him, Ichigo could see that, it wasn't hard to process the looks that fluttered across a man's visage. Ichigo himself had returned such looks. If it wasn't for a intrusive four letter word Ichigo would have given in and joined with Renji. If it hadn't been for the painful fact that he loved Renji and Renji wanted nothing more. Ichigo allowed the man to molest his dreams, Renji. Ichigo wanted Renji, he wanted to kill him!

They were running, their hearts pounding in their ears. Their heads were swimming, one lost in the physical excitement of what was to come, the other simply lost. Renji released a zealous wail into the night air and soared into the scenery. Towering skyscrapers and arching building collided with his feet, his body screaming for the fight. His blood was fuming, simmering in the expected thrill of battle. Finally, finally he'd be able to do some work and defeat an evil, big bad hollow. The air crackled, energy exploding as he closed into grown zero.

Behind Renji, Ichigo followed, his face a mixture of confusion. Ichigo kept in pace with Renji, his body shaking just as much as the red head's. They were both ready to fight, to beat out whatever tension they had created in each other. Their sexual frustrations had caused short circulating wires inside their thumping hearts. It was abstract, a feeling of desperation, of pure, arbitrary wanting that caused them to race into the unknown. They wanted justification, even if it didn't connect to their problems at hand. Ichigo's face scrunched up into a frown and he replayed the days events. He needed to scream, to destroy the rage and fury that boiled inside. Ichigo needed to become relevant, to find a way to connect with his life again. Renji was tormenting him, forcing him to be confined to blushes and screaming insults.

The report of the Hollow's status had been bland, lacking the knowledge of the beast and its abilities. The only thing that had registered on the cracked screen was the location of the hollow. No energy reading, no class ranking, or listing of prior attacks. Somehow that didn't seem to matter now, full detailed facts never stopped Renji from charging ahead. To Ichigo such knowledge would have only gotten in the way. Neither really thought about the impending battle or the possibilities as they stopped their movements and stood in the swirling wind. Ichigo didn't even have time cough in the wake of the spinning dust before they understood just what they were dealing with.

The masses were running, their screams lost in the sizzling energy. The ground shook, its skin cracking with the force asserted upon it. The Hollow was a classical monster, vision of cynical devilness. Its structure was gigantic, foretelling that it was an evil, big bad hollow. It's shell was ghostly white, cracked, and it the shape of a squid. Its eyes were liquid coal, shimmering in the dark as its numerous tentacles swept the ground. It was a sub par Arrancar. A lucky escapee that the search teams deployed by Soul Society had missed. Renji grinned at this, silently added a check mark to his report.

Renji landed first, his feet screeching to a hault leaving streaks of dark along the building's roof. Ichigo landed a few feet to Renji's right, his breath heavy, his hands clutched at the hilt of his sword. They both looked upon the Arrancar, memorized by its gruesome appearance. It moved at a snails pace. Its squid like arms pushing its body along the ground. Its telltale hole was located in the center of its mantle. Every so often one of its eight tentacles, would reach into the air and smack the side of a building.

"Why are all the Arrancar ugly bastards?" Renji threw the question to Ichigo and unsheathed Zabimaru. Ichigo studied the almost Arrancar, his face was forlorn as he realized that for almost a month he had not slain a hollow. This would be the first, and he questioned whether there was some connection involved to the disappearances of the average, neighborhood monsters. Ichigo threw a side glance at Renji's back. The red heads activities in soul society were not confined to strictly bed room quarters. Rukia had been quite vocal in her tales of Renji's exploitations. The man was always looking for the next great, piece of ass. Ichigo wanted to believe that Renji wasn't.....he just wanted to believe in Renji.

False hope for a realist.

Renji shouted out another questioned and laughed. Ichigo did not answer Renji's question. Dark shadows drew lines of misery on Ichigo's face, his mind reeling. He wanted to throw Renji to the ground and beat the mouth that dared to cause him so much turbulence. Instead, he was forced to look up at the could be arrancar when Renji shouted out in surprise. The beast had stopped its movements and was doing something not so ordinary for a hollow. One long tentacle, different in color than the rest, reached down along the ground towards the fleeing civilians. Its color was molten red, its girth corruptive, and it skin dripping in purple slime. It slithered along the ground and instead of grabbing a human it twisted up and quivered in the air.

"What the-" Renji didn't get a chance to finish his sentence. The tentacle began to move back in forth as if it was beating against the sky. A putrid smelled filled the air, causing both shinigami to relocate themselves to a building top that was not so close to the Arrancar. They watched transfixed, hands covering their nostrils, as purple fumes seeped out of the swishing limb, leaking out from suction cup like bumps on its length.

The Arrancar lifted its beak like mouth and released a high pitch wail. The two pieces of its eggshell beak clicking together in a high speed pace. Its screech caused the shinigami to scream, to cover their ears. Their noses exposed to the volatile gas that the tentacle was secreting. It was then that the Arrancar's actions took a more frightening turn. The sky began to split, the fabric separating ningenkai from the realm of the hollows ripping open. The scream produced by the Arrancar increased in volume as the void started to grow from a tiny slit to large opening. The tentacle slid towards the opening and slipped inside.

"What the hell is it doing?" Renji screamed over the noise. His ears were pounding, his body weakening. His nose burned with itching fire, his eyes watering.

The Arrancar's tentacle was moving back and forth in the other dimension, tracing the edges of the rip, as the Arrancar lifted its other tentacles into the air. A minute passed before finally the Arrancar ceased its ear splitting racket. The tentacle then retracted itself from the rip. Its tip curled around something pallid. Clutched in its tentacle was a hollow. Its size was large, its body whiter than the Arrancar's.

The hollow did not struggle or flail its body. It was merely limp, its appearance that of death as the Arrancar lowered it to the ground. The hollow hit the ground with a thud causing a dent in the concrete. Ichigo and Renji watched in fixation as the Arrancar did something neither them had ever expected. It drug its body forward, its limb scraping along the ground, and then with another mighty shriek, swallowed the hollow whole.

It was a slow motion movement for Ichigo, the screams of the Arrancar jingling around his brain. He felt like molasses, heavy, and unable stop its slow descent. Maybe that was why Ichigo finally did what he did.

"What type of crazy shit is this!?" Ichigo screamed, shaking Zangetsu at the Arrancar. It was beyond absurdity, far from ordinary, and more than Ichigo could take. He was near his limit the moment Renji had discovered his computer and began whispering sexual phrases, but having seen a freaky Arrancar eat its own kind was the final straw. It was too weird for him, it was simply to much to deal with. Ichigo was finally having his much, deserved meltdown.

"Oi what are ya screaming at Ichigo. Ya been acting weird all day. Stop Fucking around!" Renji retorted back, starring at the other' man strange behavior. Ichigo's face was flushed, his body tensed, and on the offensive. Ichigo's voice sliced through the air like a siren and caught the attention of the Arrancar. Renji saw this and knew that Ichigo needed to calm down. Otherwise destroying the enemy would be close to impossible.

"Stop fucking around! Stop fucking around he says! Well what else am I suppose to do RENJI!" Renji took a step back, his eye brows raising to his hair line. Renji discerned the maddening gleam hidden in Ichigo's eyes. It was startling.

Of coarse Renji comment just seemed to fuel Ichigo's rage further. Ichigo's mind was dizzy. The past swarming around and bringing his memories up to be played. It was painful, causing him to recount the last two years----his sneaking around, his fixation on Renji, his dreams, his hands, his last shout, and the imaginary feel of lips against his neck.

The soft mantra of the words of insanity swallowed him whole. It was all to much and dam broke. Ichigo's body shook, racked with seizures. He lifted his head, his eyes burning with injustice, and he cursed at the man that forced him to become unhinged. Forget the Arrancar, forget the fighting, forget ultimate justice. Renji was the one that needed to be smacked.

"Hey watch ya self, we have a job to do not act like a fairy and be freaking out!" Renji exploded, his anger rising to the surface. Ichigo's erratic behavior was modifying, forcing Renji to take his eye off the Arrancar. Renji glared at the shaking man, pointed a finger, and screamed back at the orange haired shinigami. Neither noticed the beast had turned towards them, its attention caught by their shouting match.

"Shut ya mouth and lets get to work! We don't have the time to be acting like fucked over idiots!" Enraged, Renji threw the insult at Ichigo. He watched it hit and the visible sting that followed. Ichigo's eyes were on fire, amber hued melting into vermilion red. His face was flushed, his veins popping to the surface of his skin to become visible. Renji braced himself, pushing his reiatsu around Ichigo. He let out a warning, low, and humming with energy. Ichigo felt the warming, allowed the reiatsu to gravitate along his skin. It was heated, the energy sizzling around his flesh and causing his eyes to play tricks.

"I was just getting to the good part." It was a crpytic echo. One that brought with it the feeling of hardened members and bucking hips. Ichigo turned his head to the side, allowing his memories to over come him---In and down, pulsating, becoming one, forever and fornever, now, no now, yes now, now NOW!"

"AWWW! THATS IT!" Ichigo threw his head back and cried. Let the sonnet of insanity sing to the heavens. For the scroned and the forsaken will find there means of retribution. Ichigo tightened his hold upon Zangetsu and with charged. Ichigo swung at Renji, releasing a wave of energy at the shinigami as he dashed towards him. Stone cracked, a scream was returned, and Ichigo only perceived the white-wash static of Renji's complacent statements. Dizzy, breathless, insanity. No adjective could touch Ichigo as he acted with pristine ignorance.

"WHAT THE FUCK!" Renji screamed, dodging the blade of Ichigo's sword. Shock overcame his features, his feet struggling to avoid the crumbling concrete of the roof top. Debre soared threw the air and Renji jumped back to avoid conclusion. With shaking hands and blinking eyes he withdrew Zabimaru from his sheath intime to block another barade of energy from Ichigo. Ichigo rushed forward and kicked a stone at Renji. It shattered, the dust creating an opening for Ichigo appear at Renji's side. Then, as Renji tried to see through the dust and rock particles, Ichigo caught the edge of Renji's left arm with Zangetsu. With angered, surprise Renji pulled his hands back and thusted the hilt of Zabimaru at Ichigo's porclean skin. It connected and a stream of blood flowed over flaming eyes. Ichigo jumped back, his left hand releasing Zagetsu. It scraped along the gound as Ichigo came to a hault. With blood flowing over his eyes, Ichigo threw his head back, and screamed. Renji stared on in bewilderment. His arm stung with a a dull sting and he realized that Ichigo had attacked him. Sharp pain, visible only through his eyes, overcame Renji.

"What the fuck are you doing Ichigo!" Renji shouted over the noise of Ichigo's screaming. The sound caused a tremor in Renji's body and he forced himself not to listen to the pitful sound of his love's cursing.

Maybe that was why he stood still when Ichigo charged again. The blade of Zangetsu slicing his arm once again as he lost himself in Ichigo's madness.


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okay i lied no kiss yet.