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Undisclosed Devotion	By : horrorgal Category: Bleach > Yaoi - Male/Male > Ichigo/Ishida Views: 7351 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach, nor the characters. I do not profit from this story.

Chapter List
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Chapter 1

"Orihime is in love with you."

"What?"

That one questioning word was all Ichigo could utter. He stared at Uryu who sighed with exasperation and straightened his glasses. It wasn't so much shock Ichigo felt. He had known for a while, but he had always avoided it. He wasn't sure why. He was a healthy young man of eighteen, and being admired by such a beautiful woman like Orihime should have made him feel incredible, but it didn't. He actually felt awful, because he didn't feel the same. He loved her, yes, but just as a friend. He'd do anything for her, just like everyone else he was close to. It was that simple. This situation was far from simple though, and Uryu wasn't making the matter any easier by blurting it out.

"You can't be this dense, Ichigo," Uryu said.

"What?"

"Dammit, will you say something else?"

"What exactly do you want me to say?"

"And he answers with a question," Uryu muttered to himself. "You're hopeless."

Ichigo glared at him, but couldn't for long. He wasn't really angry, he just didn't have a good answer and didn't want to admit it. He picked up his drink and took a sip instead, looking out the window of the coffee shop they were sitting in. He could feel Uryu watching him, but he kept his eyes averted, watching random people walk by the shop like they were more interesting than the conversation. He'd been having a perfectly good day until Uryu decided to say that. No hollow attacks, day off from work, nice sunny afternoon, then boom, Orihime is in love with you. Thanks for the complication, Quincy. Uryu cleared his throat, which in turn made Ichigo feel obligated to acknowledge. He sighed and looked back at his friend.

"I don't love her that way. I just....don't want to hurt her feelings, alright? Is that a good enough answer for you?"

"Still, you should tell her so she can move on. Dragging her along like this.."

"I'm not dragging her along. Don't make me the bad guy here." Ichigo struggled to keep his voice down, but Uryu was in perfect form today. His raven haired friend was always good at driving him crazy and today was no exception. Uryu was giving him that, you're as ass, look. That did it. "I'm out of here." He started to stand from the table.

"Running?"

"I'll talk to her next time I see her. Satisfied?" He got up and left before Uryu could answer.

He was grateful Uryu didn't follow him as he walked towards home. He just hoped he wouldn't run into Orihime on the way. He liked to keep his word, but talking to her about it wasn't what he wanted to do right now. A feeling of dread set in when he imagined the different scenarios of the conversation. Would she sob? Would she become angry? Would she simply fade away out of his life all together because she was hurt he didn't share the same affection? He wasn't good at this. He had been avoiding it for so long that he was in denial now. He always figured she would find someone else. Most the guys they knew were infatuated with Orihime. Sadly, she never noticed any of them.

He walked along and realized he hadn't even been able to finish his drink because of Uryu. The Quincy had a habit of stirring shit, and that hadn't changed since the first time that they met. Uryu was one of the most smart mouthed, aggravating, stubborn guys you could ever meet, but Ichigo couldn't help but like that about him. He had plenty of qualities. Strong willed, full of his Quincy pride, and he shared Ichigo's desire to help everyone that he could. Ichigo couldn't even stay mad as he got closer to home. Uryu was only trying to help, but why couldn't he have left that one issue alone? He smiled, but he felt a twinge of sadness. This whole thing was ironic. If Uryu actually knew Ichigo was interested in him, how would he react?

This attraction he felt for his friend hadn't been instant, but it had built up over time. It was exciting, yet at the same time confusing and Ichigo was even scared at times when he would find himself watching Uryu, or thinking about him when he wasn't around. Ichigo wasn't gay. At least he didn't think he was. He found women attractive, liked looking at them. Like any normal young man, he even masturbated while imagining what a woman would feel like. As time passed though, the longer he knew Uryu, he was the only one he seemed to think about on a sexual level. It had been unnerving at first, and he thought maybe there was something wrong with him to have such thoughts. Then he would see Uryu again and the fear would vanish, only to be replaced with secret longing.

Ichigo wanted to tell him, but just couldn't. Thinking about it like this, he could now really understand what Orihime was probably going through. Uryu was right. He needed to talk to her and put things straight. He didn't want to see her hurt, but the longer he put this off, the harder it would be on both of them. What then? He wondered if it would be easier to talk to Uryu about this after. He shook his head slightly. No, it would probably be even harder to deal with. Reject Orihime and her see him going to Uryu in hope of a relationship that was more than friendly might devastate her. He sighed as he stepped in the house. He didn't want to think about it anymore, it was just giving him a headache.

The house was deserted. At least he could get a little peace. He went to his room and shut the door behind him before he plopped on his bed wearily. He wasn't really tired, but doing anything seemed like too much work at the moment. If anything, he hoped for a Hollow attack. He could be busy and have an excuse not to think about any of this. Laying here trying not to think about it was impossible.

"Dammit, why did he have to mention it?" he muttered to the empty room. Minutes ticked by as he stared at the ceiling, hands resting under his head. His eyes closed as he listened to the silence of his room. He forced himself to empty his mind, practicing a bit of meditation. Supposedly it was good for the soul. At least that was what Urahara liked to tell him. He slowed his breathing, letting his body relax. He wasn't trying to fall asleep, but in minutes he was under.

~*~

"Ichigo, are you in there?" Ichigo awoke to Yuzu's insistent knock on his bedroom door. He couldn't answer at first, his mouth dry as a cotton ball. He rubbed sleep from his eyes as he forced his body to move. He sighed when the knock became a consistent tap and she repeated his name in time with it. She was getting bad habits from Dad.

"I'm here!"

"Geez, Ichigo, you don't have to sound so grumpy! You could have just answered the first time I knocked."

He sighed. "Sorry, Yuzu. I was asleep." He looked at his watch. He'd managed to sleep the whole afternoon away.

"Well, get up. It's dinner time," she said cheerfully and her footsteps moved along the hall and down the stairs.

Ichigo sat up feeling groggy. That's what he got for sleeping when he wasn't even tired. He got off the bed and went into the bathroom to splash cold water on his face and wash up a bit. His reflection in the mirror stared back at him. He looked almost depressed, and it didn't sit well with him. This little triangle between he, Uryu and Orihime was testing his emotions. He couldn't even call it a triangle really. One of the three didn't even know he was involved. He shook his head, put it out of mind and went down to eat dinner with his family.

It was the usual meal. Dad being annoying, Yuzu going on about her day at school, Karin talking about her baseball team's practice. Ichigo didn't have much to offer considering he'd slept most the day. He just nodded and spoke when it was needed, eating food that he wasn't really tasting. He genuinely enjoyed time with his family, but right now it just felt like he was going through the motions. He offered to help Yuzu wash the dishes after, but she pushed him out of the kitchen. It was probably best. He didn't need her noticing he had things on his mind. He went to his room to avoid any other conversation.

The sun was down now, but he didn't bother switching the light on as he entered his bedroom. He sat on his bed and looked out the window, wondering if tomorrow would be a better day. The sky was clouded and he heard the distant sound of thunder. He kept watching until raindrops pelted the glass, a slight drizzle forming into a hard downpour. He grabbed his headphone to listen to some music when he heard his substitute shinigami badge go off. He felt the Hollow's pressure like a pressing wave. It was a strong one. Stronger than any he'd felt in a while.

"You got to be kidding me."

He grabbed his badge and left his body behind on the bed and took off. He sped through the rain, following the intense energy coming off the hollow. He was soaked through, the rain ice cold over his skin. Even his vision was challenged with the heavy fall of the unforgiving storm, but his senses had no problem tracking the Hollow. It was close now. Lightening scissors through the night sky, revealing the massively grotesque form of the creature. It appeared to be attacking someone, it's long arms flailing about with wide, violent swings. It crashed against a light pole, killing the street lights. He rushed that way, and saw the bright blue energy of what was the unmistakable sight of a Quincy arrow. It was attacking Uryu. He gripped his zanpakuto and sneered as he rushed at the things back, cutting up along it's bony body. The Hollow howled in pain and thrashed around to see what had caused it.

Ichigo's zanpakuto was embedded in thick bone and he held on to the hilt to keep from being flung off the Hollow's back. It wailed again, desperately reaching back to try ridding itself of the source of pain. Ichigo ducked and shifted, cursing as he pulled hard to get Zangetsu free. He ducked another blow and caught sight of Uryu when the Hollow spun around to try throwing him off. He was motionless on the wet ground, but alive. He could feel his reiatsu, but it was weak.

"You son of a bitch! You're fucking dead!"

The Hollow answered with another angry cry. Ichigo pushed against the bone with his feet for leverage and pulled Zangetsu free in time to avoid the Hollow's huge grabbing hand. He attacked, taking one of it's arms off with a satisfied yell. He felt an overwhelming need to make the bastard suffer, but he had Uryu to worry about. He needed to get him some help. The Hollow's other arm came down toward him with incredible speed. He was gone before the blow landed, appearing above it's head, blade raised to strike. The Hollow looked up in time to see it's attacker, but not soon enough to avoid the powerful strike that split it's head open. It bellowed one last shriek as he toppled over, it's body disintegrating, but Ichigo didn't waste time to watch.

Panting, he ran over to Uryu to see what kind of damage he'd sustained. His right arm looked abnormally bent and he had a few cuts, the worst across his abdomen, that was seeping blood profusely. The closest place was Urahara's. He picked Uryu up as gently as he could, fearing he would make his injuries worse, but he didn't have time to contemplate the issue. Uryu in his arm, his head cradled against his shoulder, Ichigo ran through the storm that only seemed to be gaining strength. He was too numb with worry to feel the chill the rain brought, and the numbness stayed with him well after he arrived to Urahara's, who was standing at the door as if waiting for his arrival.

~*~

Ichigo sat quietly, watching Orihime heal Uryu. She had been at it most the night. He'd lost a lot of blood, and was still unconscious. Ichigo kept telling himself they had all had worse, but it didn't stop his worry or guilt. Maybe if he had sensed the Hollow first. Uryu would just get pissed if he knew he was thinking like that. Uryu could take care of himself, but that Hollow had gotten the better of him for some reason or another. He was just glad he had gotten there before the Hollow had crushed him completely.

He looked at Orihime, who had her total concentration on mending Uryu. The glow of her healing shield was bright on her face, and her eyes were a little sad, something he always noticed when she was healing her friends. He had a feeling she would never lose that bit of innocence, but there was nothing wrong with that. Someone out of their group of friends had to be kind through and through. She just didn't have it in her to be cold. Maybe that was some of the reason he wasn't attracted to her that way. He loved her nice, gentle way, but it wasn't the type of partner he imagined himself with. There is was. He was thinking about the conversation from yesterday with Uryu again. He could try bringing it up to her, but it really wasn't the best time, or maybe he was just making excuses again. He sighed and rubbed his face, feeling extremely tired all of the sudden.

"Are you okay, Ichigo?" she asked, voice low.

"Just a little tired." He gave her a reassuring smile that felt pasted on.

"Maybe you should go rest. Don't worry about Uryu. I'll take care of him."

"Yeah, guess you're right." He got up and headed for the door. "Thanks for coming so quick last night."

"No problem. You know I'll always be there."

Ichigo heard the hint in her word, but he chose to ignore it as he had so many times before and just nodded before he left her with Uryu. He came face to face with Urahara as he was leaving. Hat and clogs hadn't ask a lot when he'd brought Uryu in bloodied and beaten last night, but it looked like he was ready to let loose with a string of questions Ichigo didn't feel like answering. He didn't say anything, just waved his hand to beckon Ichigo along to another room. Against his will, Ichigo followed, preferring to go outside for some air, but he knew he'd have to have the usual meeting eventually. They both sat across from each other at the small table where there was already tea waiting for them.

"So, what exactly happened last night?"

"Right to it, huh?" Ichigo shrugged. "Just a average Hollow attack. It was pretty solid, but not any stronger than some others I've taken down before. Uryu just got unlucky, I guess."

Urahara watched him, his eyes shadowed by the brim of that damn hat he never seemed to be without. It was creepy the way his eyes bore into him, like he was trying to examine his thoughts. Did Urahara know something he didn't? It was known for hat and clogs to keep secrets before, and there usually was a good reason, but if he knew something that involved Uryu, Ichigo wanted to know about it. Ichigo sipped his tea and stared back with the same intensity. They could have gone on like that for a while, but Orihime stepped into the room and they both looked over at the soft slide of the door opening.

"Oh, you both look serious."

"Just having a staring contest. I would have won too, by the way," Urahara said. "Come sit with us. You look exhausted."

"A little bit, but I don't mind," she said as she sat.

"Is Uryu still out?" Ichigo asked.

"Yes, but he's much better now. I healed all of his wounds and his reiatsu is gaining strength."

Ichigo relaxed a bit more and looked back at Urahara. His questioning gaze was gone now as he drank his tea and nodded to Orihime. He couldn't tell if the sneaky bastard was hiding something. Maybe it didn't matter as long as Uryu was out of harms way, but he couldn't quite let it go. He wouldn't ask in front of Orihime, and besides, it had been a long night and he wasn't in the mood for serious discussion. He would make sure to ask later. He finished his tea, the three of them not speaking much more as they all sat lost in their own thoughts. He caught Orihime looking at him a few times and he just smiled a little, while inside he wished her eyes didn't have that lovey look in them. It was only going to get worse. He knew that.

"I'll walk you home, Orihime." He stood from the table, making his decision.

"Thank you for the tea, Urahara," she said and smiled.

"No problem," he answered. "Don't worry about Uryu. We'll keep an eye on him here."

"Thanks. I'll be by later," Ichigo said and left the shop with Orihime by his side.

The walk was mostly quiet except for a bit of small talk. He'd wait till he dropped her off at her place to bring it up. It was easier not to make a scene now. No one could see him at the moment except her. He hadn't dared to leave the shop last night to get in his body. The closer they got, the more his nerves twisted in his stomach. He could stare down Hollows, or any opponent in battle, but the thought of what he had to tell her was making him nervous. Didn't help that she looked so happy. He felt like an asshole already. He followed her up the stairs and to the door of her apartment and the sensation of not really being there filled him. Like he was dreaming and not sure if it would turn into a nightmare.

"Thanks for walking me home, Ichigo."

"No problem. Actually, can I come in for a minute?"

"Of course." She smiled as she unlocked the door and stepped through. It wasn't difficult to notice the slight blush that came to her cheeks.

"Thanks."

"Want something to drink?"

"Um..sure."

"Is orange juice okay? I don't have much else. I still need to go to the store today," she said, already heading into the kitchen.

"Yeah, that's fine." Ichigo stared at the door that was his only means of escape. He sighed and sat down, listening to her move around the kitchen. He puzzled over how he should start the conversation, and none of what he thought of seemed right. He couldn't just pop it up out of the blue. Maybe he could break it to her without breaking it to her at all. He could offhandedly mention he had his eyes on someone. He shook his head. Fuck, that wasn't good enough either. Why did this have to be so hard? He heard her coming back and looked over.

"Here you go." She came out with two glasses and handed him one as she sat across from him at the small table. "Ichigo, what's wrong?"

"Oh." He took a drink. She noticed his unease quickly. Not surprising, but he wished he could have masked it better. "I need to talk to you about something. I really shouldn't put this off." He kept going, speaking, but not really saying anything of importance. She was patient, hands folded on her lap as she listened. Her head tilted softly, rays of sunlight through the window made her hair shimmer in it's radiance, and it made him question why he did not feel romantic toward this beautiful woman. It just wasn't there. His babbling stopped and he sighed. "I have to get something out, but I'm not sure how to say it."

"Oh, well..just say it," she urged him.

"You make it sound so easy," he said with a soft smile.

"We're friends, Ichigo. It's okay."

He looked at her softly. "Yes, you're one of my best friends, Orihime. Maybe that's why it's so hard for me to say."

"Is it...is there more trouble coming?" He saw the worry sketched in her delicate features, but also determination. "If there is, I want to fight too. You know I've been training more."

"Oh, no, Orihime, it's nothing like that." He thought of the attack on Uryu last night and Urahara's unusual secretiveness. "At least I don't think so," he mused soft.

She looked at him searchingly. "Then, what is it?"

He was going to answer when the perception of Hollow energy came over him. It was nearby, and to punctuate the fact, his badge went off to signal it's arrival. He looked at her, only telling her to stay there as he rushed out to take care of it. Part of him was relieved as he ran, but he knew it was only putting off the inevitable. He shook the thought from his mind to concentrate on the current problem ahead. It was another strong one by the feel and as he neared it's location, he saw this one was also as large as the one from last night. It's big head was lifted high, bobbing a bit as if sniffing the air in search of something, making soft grunting sounds as it did. Ichigo closed in, but the Hollow did not take heed of his presence as it looked off toward Karakura General Hospital. It stepped that way, drawn to the place.

"Hey!" Ichigo jumped at it's back, but the Hollow's tail knocked him away as it kept up it's march towards the hospital without pause. Ichigo slammed back into the nearby convenience store wall, gritting is teeth against the pain and his own stupidity. He gripped Zangetsu's hilt and resumed the chase, using his shunpo to close the distance, blocking the Hollow from it's destination. He could only guess there were a few recent spirits roaming the halls of the hospital, and it had sniffed out their reiatsu. He blocked another attack then jumped aside to avoid another, and to his confusion, the Hollow took another few ground shaking steps towards the looming hospital like a moth to a flame, treating Ichigo like he was no more than a fly buzzing around in it's way. Ichigo continued the pursuit, determined to stop the towering Hollow from reaching it's goal.
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Undisclosed Devotion