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Loveless	By : Vamprina Category: Bleach > General Views: 1109 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach, nor the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

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Loveless

By: Vamprina

Disclaimer: I don't own
Bleach or any of its characters/merchandise. I am not making any
money or gaining any reward for the existence or distribution of this
fanfiction on the Internet or anywhere else. I am in no way
affiliated with the owner(s) or affiliate(s) or any copyright
holder(s) of Bleach, its characters/merchandise.

Warning: Shounen ai, lemon
(off camera), angst, language, drama

Ichigo sat quietly in
Renji's bedroom located somewhere within the Urahara Shoten. This was
no secret to anyone else who knew about Ichigo's alternative
lifestyle as a Shinigami representative. The carrot top and redhead
would spent the night together most nights.

Sometimes the tall redhead
would show up at Ichigo's bedroom window, other times Ichigo would
stay with him at Urahara's. But, unfortunately, that's all it really
was. Physical.

Ichigo was not the type of
person who could get into a purely physical relationship. He always
felt something. He couldn't make himself sleep with someone in the
first place if he didn't. But, Renji had specified that it was only
to be a physical relationship. So, Ichigo had taken what he could
get.

He had thought he could do
it...just sex for comfort and companionship. For a release of excess
energy. Friends with benefits wouldn't be that bad, he'd told
himself. But...that's not how it worked out for him.

He currently found himself
sitting in the far corner of the room, uncaring of his nudity, one
leg curled beneath his other leg, which was propped up so that he
could hug that knee close to his chest. He stared at the redhead,
sleeping soundly in a similarly nude state, though he was covered
scantily by a sheet.

Why couldn't he be normal
for once, he wondered to himself. A normal guy...well, alright, a
normal gay man...would look at Renji and think something along the
lines of, “God, he's hot, I'm so fuckin lucky he wants to fuck
me.”

Ichigo looked at Renji and
thought, “Why can't he love me, too?” It was, the carrot
top had decided, extremely stupid of him. Of course Renji didn't love
him! The man, no the Shinigami might like how Ichigo looked. But,
they had very little in common, he knew this. It began and it ended
with Rukia and their mutual hard-headed attitude and passion for
winning and protecting.

It sounded like a lot when
you thought it out in a list or said it out loud like that. But...it
really wasn't. He knew very little about Renji, the man didn't want
to divulge a lot of information. And it was similar with Ichigo and
his own past and current likes and dislikes. Not to mention that they
came from two different worlds.

While it was true that
Renji was once human like the Shinigami representative he'd taken to
his bed, but he wasn't anymore. And...Ichigo knew that Renji didn't
consider himself human. Maybe the man even considered himself better
than humans. Sometimes the orange-haired man wondered about that. The
things the redhead said sometimes.

And let's not forget that
Renji had 70 plus years on him. What could he possibly see in a human
brat other than the physical? He looked no older than 20, but that
didn't mean anything.

The boy sighed and leaned
his head down to lay his cheek on his knee, looking away from Renji.
It hurt to look at him and know that they could be so close to each
other and yet...so damned far apart.

His ass ached, he always
let Renji top him. Sex and the things done in the bedroom were
off-limits for teasing. And, bottoming felt good, anyway. He was just
glad to be with Renji and he knew the jerk wouldn't give up topping
rights without a fight.

He felt like arguing
sometimes, just out of a sudden jab at his pride at the random
thought that bottoming made him seem girlish. But, then he looked up
at Renji and thought...this might be the last time he'd get to sleep
with him. Either of them could end up dead the next time they went
out to fight. He knew that. And he knew Renji knew that. So, he
didn't argue. It wasn't worth it just to soothe his wounded pride.

He sighed softly. A
loveless relationship was the last thing he ever thought he'd get
himself into. But that's what he'd done. And, even though he knew the
differences between them made a gap too large to bridge with the
small similarities they had together, he felt...dirty. Cheated. Ugly,
even.

What was so wrong with him
that Renji couldn't find it within himself to love Ichigo the way the
teen loved him? There had to be something, he insisted to himself.
Something he could fix that would allow Renji to love him.

But, he knew that was
ridiculous. If he had to make a drastic change within himself then
the relationship was dead before it began.

In times like this, quiet
moments in the darkness, physically bare as he sometimes wished he
could be emotionally just once...he almost felt like crying. But, he
never did. Not before and not this time either. Sometimes a sniffle
or two would escape, but only softly. Never any tears.

Because, crying never fixed
anything. Tears wouldn't make Renji love him. Tears wouldn't get
Renji to understand. In fact, the only thing they could possibly
accomplish would be to wake Renji up and have the man cut off their
physical relationship right then and there.

The boy knew the older
Shinigami didn't want to hurt him through this relationship. And he
would stop it immediately if he thought it was. Not because he loved
Ichigo the way a lover would. But, because he and Ichigo were
friends. And the redhead, much like the boy in the corner, would
never want to truly hurt one of his friends. He was protective and
passionate. It showed in their...fucking...and it showed in their
fighting.

Renji was always rough in
bed, but at the same time so gentle...so careful. He was aware of his
size in comparison to Ichigo's...and the weight difference. The
difference in muscle mass. The fact that he could very easily hurt
the teenager. He was rough, but never violent.

And he loved it that way.
The best moments were when it almost resembled making love. Slow,
steady. Hard, but not exactly rough. Soft words whispered gently
against mouths pressed together. This was usually after a
particularly bad battle. Other times, after near-death experiences
for one or both of them, they wouldn't even have sex.

They would simply lay
there, holding each other. Soft kisses and gentle touches...almost as
if they were truly lovers.

“Oi, Ichi...what the
hell're ye doin over there?” Spoke the older man, groggy with
sleep but still detecting the shift in Ichigo's reiatsu.

“Just thinkin...”
Ichigo answered, quietly, muscles stiffening at the thought that he'd
been caught.

“Well, whatever yer
thinkin about, stop. Come back over here.” Renji said, pulling
aside the sheet that covered him to invite the teen to lay with him.

Ichigo looked at him for a
moment, before sighing softly and unfolding himself, getting up and
going over to the redhead, slipping beneath the sheet and onto the
futon with him, wrapping his arms around him and closing his eyes.

“Damn, Ichigo. Yer
muscles are all kinked up and yer reiatsu is depressing as hell. I'm
startin to get depressed. What's goin on tonight?” the man
asked, looking down at the orange hair beneath his chin.

“Just kinda in a sad
mood, I guess. I'll get over it. Always do.” Ichigo knew that
for the other man to ask him what was wrong like that...it meant he
was worried. Which meant his feelings were leaking through his
reiatsu a bit too much. He had to learn to control that.

“Tell me...Fourth
time in a row I woke up to this shit. Come on, lemme know who I gotta
beat up.” the redhead teased.

Ichigo scoffed. “Don't
be ridiculous. Hey.....Renji?” Ichigo whispered. Maybe he could
tell Renji and nothing bad would happen...

“Yeah?” Renji
asked, sliding his fingers through the orange spikes.

“Can we just go to
sleep?” he asked, hating himself for being such a coward. But,
he could simply not bring himself to ruin what they had. This was
good enough. It had to be.

End

A/N: Okay...there went the
idea of it being a drabble. -_-; Way too long for that, methinks.
^^;;
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Loveless