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Kaleidoscope	By : severuslover Category: Bleach > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 3200 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach and I make no money what so ever from writing this

Chapter List
- 8
- 9
Jepi : Thank for the reviews as always :D Yumi is by far my fav char but he's in for a change. I think that love make a fool out of anyone. You end up doing stupid shit. And yes I'm preparing some twists so look forward to them >:D

Vyperbites: Thank you for the reviews! As an artist I hope you arent too put off by my lack of knowlede about it ^_^. And also thank you for you reviews for Shatter and TLOOTGA. I have a sequel planned for shatter but I'm holding off until I can make it do justice to it. And for TLOOTGA, I feel for Bya too but he's got a lot to learn before he can escape. I'll update that soon. I've got a lot of new ideas for plots to get to.

The room was quiet. Renji kept peeking around from behind his easel to make sure the other side of his bedroom was still there, and hadn’t fallen into some alternate dimension without him noticing. That was how thick and unsettling the silence was. He was content in painting without having to worry about being distracted or forced into conversation, but this was very out of character for Ayasegawa.

He came to Renji’s room as usual that afternoon and sat with tea and leftover pastries from breakfast, but hadn’t touched them. He didn’t even offer to do Renji’s hair – today was their usual day for his wash and treatment – nor did he comment about his pathetic attempt at a low ponytail. Renji knew he wasn’t exactly the best company at the moment – his thoughts were so preoccupied with a certain someone that he wasn’t his usual self – but that never stopped Ayasegawa before. In fact he always made him feel better and cheered him up, forcing him to see the brighter side of things whether he wanted to or not.

For a normally upbeat person, this glum disposition was a surprise. Renji guessed it just felt weird because it was a side of him he’d never seen. He could tell it wasn’t anger or sadness but he didn’t know what it was.

Why was he so quiet?

Was he in a bad mood? Did something happen?

Should he even ask?

The questions were bothering him more than if the man was chattering away. Renji decided that it was too strange and was his duty as a semi- friend to get to the bottom of the problem.

The roles were reversed. He would be Ayasegawa today. “Yumi?” He questioned tentatively to gauge his reaction.

Ayasegawa’s eyes flicked to him, his head remaining stationary, hands clasped in his lap. Renji swallowed a bad feeling in his gut. He cut a very eerie picture, sitting there with his jaw steeled, his face hard.

Renji wasn’t one for being overly sentimental so easily, so he got straight to the point. “Wake up on the wrong side of the throne? Why are you so fucking gloomy? It’s distracting.” If anything, he figures he’ll say something about the language. Or tell him off before launching into a rant and getting whatever it was off his chest in a rush.

He doesn’t. In fact he just stares at him, long and unrelenting, until Renji can feel the discomfort under his skin. “I have something to ask you.”

He said it so seriously it scared Renji for a minute. It sounded like one of those conversations you didn’t want to have when you were caught with your hand in the cookie jar and had a feeling you’d been seen.

“Get on with it,” he said when the silence was stretching too long.

“How…do you feel about Kuchiki-shi?”

Out of all the things Renji feared he could’ve asked him, this was not one of them. He blanched. None of your business man servant! Yumi’s body language and demeanor meant he wasn’t fucking around. He was looking for a serious answer.

Renji could easily say he didn’t know. Because he didn’t. But it always took a direct question about something to make him think deeply about things that he would normally leave undefined.

How did he feel towards Byakuya?

There were many things to consider before finding the answer. For starters, the man was in lo– liked someone already. He’d told Renji to stay, knowing full well he would despite that. He voluntarily kissed him, touched him, but that could be his sick idea of a game. The conceit of the wealthy?

After that day the attraction from Kuchiki’s side had grown. Renji’s which was always there, was stronger now. The need to have him physically was overriding his brain, but that was lust and only a small part of the big picture. He didn’t just want his body, he wanted him for himself. To spend every day in his company if it was allowable. To walk with him, talk to him, eat with him… stay with him. He thought about him every day, upon waking and right before sleep. The anticipation he felt right before he knew he would see him…All that could only mean one thing, that he was…

“In love with him…?” That was the only thing it could be. Admitting it out loud was a jolt to the system. It made it real. True. He absentmindedly pressed his fingers to his mouth when he recalled how it felt to kiss him.

“Abarai – kun.” Ayasegawa exhaled loudly, bringing him from la la land and putting an end to his psychotic smiling with a chilling stare. Renji’s face fell.

“You’re actin – ”

“Look, I like you…”

“You’re not my type, sorry,” he snickered. His lame joke didn’t earn a smile as he’d intended so he shut up.

“Ever since you came here… things have changed. More than I would have imagined possible. I would even dare call you a…friend. You are dense but hardworking and loyal. I respect you Abarai –kun.”

“You’re not dying are you?”

“It is precisely because I respect and consider you a friend that I tell you to leave this house and never come back.”

Renji’s jaw dropped. Even though he’d made up his mind last week and was fully prepared to leave, hearing someone suggest it offended him.

“Why?”

“It’s for your own good,” he replied simply.

“Weren’t you the same one pushing me to face Kuchiki-san? Why’re you telling me to leave now?”

Renji stood up abruptly, sending his paints flying.

“It is not my place to say anymore.”

“It isn’t your place to tell me to leave either!” Renji was becoming very angry and hurt. He too considered Ayasegawa a friend. To hear that he wanted him to leave when he thought he would always be on his side was hurtful.

“I’m not telling you, I’m asking you to.” Ayasegawa stood, clearing the breakfast tray. “What is your answer?” he asked softly.

“I-I told you how I felt about him.” Even saying that much made his face turn red. “Does it look like I’m about to leave?”

Ayasegawa sighed in resignation, closing then reopening his eyes slowly. “Very well. Remember that.”

“What’s wrong with you? Yumi! Tell me why you’re saying these things?”

As he was yelling Ayasegawa was calmly leaving the room, closing the door to drown out his voice.

The absence of Ayasegawa affected Renji more than he thought it would. At first he scoffed, expecting the butler to be back to his usual self the next day after he’d cooled off, but his foul mood remained for more than a week after. Renji tried on numerous occasions to form conversation with him but he wasn’t having it. He had a basic set of responses for every question Renji tried to ask him; yes, no, I don’t know and when Renji tried throwing him off by asking something that would require more than a one word answer, his replies were curt and to the point. They were clearly still not on friendly terms.

Renji knew he was more serious that he’d even been with him, but was this really the end of their friendship? The new found peace didn’t make him feel peaceful at all. He wanted to know what the heck he’d done to warrant thins kind of treatment. What had changed so drastically from last week? They were closer than ever up until then…

Ayasegawa had been the one to approach him when he first came to live there – even if it was to be sarcastic and tease him. He came to find his presence natural. Normal. Without it things felt so different. He wasn’t familiar with anyone else and he didn’t want to be, so he kept to himself. He couldn’t take walks because it was colder than he liked. Not even the greenhouse seemed inviting. It held too many memories. He would just dwell on that day when Ayasegawa had done his hair and sent him to Kuchiki with his blessings, and wonder why it had all gone to shit.

The days were becoming bleak. Grey skies every day did nothing for him. He hardly saw Byakuya, who was unusually busy with work. Or was he? With no one to talk to he found himself staring out his windows frequently, feeling incredible lonely, having only his paintings for company. He hadn’t had a proper conversation in days. It overcame him all at once, his hurt and confusion threatening to manifest themselves in a shameful display. He wiped his eyes quickly. He was a man, not an eight year old child. He shouldn’t be sulking. He thought about calling Rukia but couldn’t locate his cell.

One of the numerous paintings he’d done of Byakuya caught his eye. It had become one of his favorites. In it he was reading a book, head bent, his knuckles resting under his chin. But his eyes weren’t on the print before him, but on Renji, with intensity to them. He painted it from memory of an afternoon they had spent together, but had embellished it with roses. He had tucked loose strands of hair behind his ear delicately and that’s when he had looked up at him like that, so many things in his conflicted gaze. Renji had been dying to kiss him then, but didn’t. He traced the outline of the lips in the portrait, the only reason he wasn’t going insane with everything that was happening and the only comfort he had.

When Renji heard that he would be seeing Kuchiki-san after days of being utterly alone, he was over the moon. He specially prepared a lavish dinner, just for him and sat next to him, not caring if he was allowed to or not. Seeing the real thing in the flesh made him a little giddy. He grinned madly, subtly touching his fingers that rested on the table. He did not move them away and Renji smiled appreciatively.

Ayasegawa stood in the corner, motionless, expressionless and staring directly ahead of him. Renji made it a point not to look at him too often. He was in good spirits and chalked the butler’s behavior up to jealousy that someone else was interested in his master. It didn’t make much sense but he left it at that. It’s for your own good. His ominous words banished from his thoughts.

He unconsciously squeezed Byakuya’s hand. He wouldn’t let it get to him.

He tensed up when the man reached for a warm bun from the basket had stopped for a moment. He fiddled with something within the lot and then looked up at Renji who smiled suggestively. Feeling a cold stare from the corner, he determinedly kept his eyes on his soup.

Renji heard rather than saw Byakuya close the door soundlessly behind him, the room engulfed in semi-darkness once more. He didn’t let him get far, pushing him against the door swiftly.

“I see you got my note?” Renji asked playfully, referring to the piece of paper he’d slipped to him at dinner. He was a little surprised but elated that he came. He needed this.

“It’s late, Abarai-kun. Why did you want to meet with me?” The softness of his voice was in direct contradiction to his cold words.

“Isn’t it obvious?” Renji stood as close to him as was possible, one arm around his neck, the other beside his head. “I wanted to see you.”

“What for?” He wasn’t looking for an answer to the question. Renji running his nose along his cheek made it evident, but he wouldn’t be himself if he didn’t ask.

He swatted away Byakuya’s hand that he’d put on his stomach to push him away and separate them. “Don’t…” he pleaded.

He held the man’s wrists, pinning his arms in place at his sides. He kicked the chalk line of propriety and fully erased what was left from his teacher’s earlier attempt. He wanted him. There was something there. Even if it was a rice grain, he knew Byakuya felt something for him.

He wanted him but this was as far as he was willing to go. He wanted him to want him too.

It was precarious, the tightrope on which they were performing their balancing act, trembling under the weight of growing desires. One move move could send them falling into the clutches of the unknown, but Byakuya wasn’t in favor of tipping the scales and so the situation between them was left stagnant.

Every time they saw each other the tension was palpable, born not from hostility but from desire.

Renji was becoming bolder, impatient each time. This was a guy who couldn’t even wait for three minute ramen. He had cornered him the few chances he got after that day after he’d told him to stay. Just to feel him. Just to have the satisfaction of knowing that he wouldn’t push him away. Not immediately anyway.

And when he eventually did Renji would always remember that he was the fool, the second fiddle, and his expression would falter as his heart wavered. Byakuya would leave him, but let his touch linger a second longer than it had to so that Renji would look at him and know that he wasn’t being cruel.

Renji backed away this time, accepting defeat. This was enough, he could trick himself into thinking. Being able to be this close to him was enough. He was just glad to see him.

“Thanks for coming. I’m…happy that you did.”

He expected him to leave promptly but he stood, watching Renji before nodding to him.

“Goodnight then.”

Renji nodded back. Turning away he waited for the sound of the door, signaling his inevitable return to loneliness.

He jumped at the feeling of a hand on his lower back. When he turned around Byakuya was standing there. Renji could still make out his soft expression in the dark. He closed the small distance between then and left a chaste peck on Renji’s cheek.

The purity of it took Renji by surprise and his resolve crumbled like the weak wall of shit it was. It was the straw that broke the camel’s back. He hugged him tightly as all the emotion came pouring out and cried quietly into his shoulder.
- 8
- 9
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Kaleidoscope