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Driven to Distraction	By : Raymy Category: Bleach > Yaoi - Male/Male > Byakuya/Renji Views: 3767 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach or its characters. I received no money for this fan fiction.

Chapter List
- 7
- 8
- 9
I'm totally enjoying writing this. My obsessive nature has taken over again and I'm posting only 3 days after the last. *squirms* I just have to share!
TicLic: I'm so glad you review every chapter, cause it only takes one person to share with to keep my spirits up. I feel like I'm writing just for you. Well, and me, of course. Us, then. I know there are other readers, I see the hits go up, but the interaction between reader and writer is highly underplayed. No, I mean under utilized. Whatever. Hope you like this chapter.
Chapter 8: Distress/De-stress
I bolted from the hotel to escape the influence of Byakuya’s words, the wounded shout of my name echoing in my ears. My heart was pounding heavy in my chest, the fear of losing him urging me to return. He’s always been good at manipulating me into his way of thinking and I was so infuriated and confused that I couldn’t judge what the truth was. He could make me believe anything, so I raced out of the building and didn’t slow until I rounded the corner to head for Urahara’s shop. As I caught my breath, my anger began to subside and I jogged at a more moderate pace, determined to drop off the gigai and return home. I needed to get some space, think for myself.
I couldn’t keep that pace up for much longer so I transitioned to a more relaxed stride and used the time to delve deeper into what my reactions had been upon reading the note this morning.
Juu...Bya. Those are familiar, intimate pet names. My name for him is Bya. And he called me Ren-luv. They’re ours! Fuck! No one else should get to call him that.
Juu was Juushiro Ukitake, the man asleep on the sofa, the man Byakuya said introduced him to dancing, who fucked him as his first and only male lover! Bya hadn’t wanted to tell me who his lover was, but he did confirm it was Ukitake during the fight. I let out a deep sigh. I was practically shuffling along, now, so much of my adrenaline spent. Shit. He was still his lover, Bya didn’t deny that. The note made it obvious that they still spoke intimately to each other.
That’s! ... not! ... right! I don’t want to share him! Shit! ... Fuuuck!! I pressed the heel of my palms to my eyes. I know this feeling. It’s that possessiveness I had with Rukia. It’s so much stronger, though, I feel like I’m choking for air, maybe I’m choking back tears. It’s like panic. I take a deep breath and try to compose myself. I run my fingers through my hair and drop my hands to my sides.
So much for being more mature. Although, it is an improvement that I don’t want to beat the shit out of Ukitake, I chuckled briefly. Probably because Bya said he would end it with Juushiro to be with me. If I can believe that. I guess I should be able to. He didn’t outright lie about his association, just held it back, delayed telling me. So maybe he’s not lying about his feelings for me. The tightness in my throat eased off.
Sorry I missed you. When did he miss him? The club. Must have written the note there, probably while I was in the can. That was why he had a booth in the back that could fit four people instead of a single stool at the bar. He was supposed to be with Ukitake and ... they wanted privacy? But if he was with Juushiro, why didn’t he say anything to me? Why did he leave with me? Maybe I really wasn’t interrupting anything important. He said they weren’t holding each other back from finding someone special. Yeah. Bya said I was special. I felt my distress lessen more at the memory.
I arrived at Urahara’s shop and lucky for me, he wasn’t there. He probably would have sensed something was up and teased me about it. Tessai wasn’t one to pry so I was relieved to be able to pass through to Soul Society, hassle free.
I decided to wander the crude lanes of the Rukon district, a place familiar to me but not holding memories of Bya, where I resumed my reflection on the contents of the note.
Left for the hotel with a friend. ~ A friend? That’s casual, not special. Why didn’t he put my name? Did he not want Juushiro to know? Was he ashamed? I don’t know! I ran my fingers through my hair again in frustration and realized that I hadn’t put it up. Byakuya had taken my hair tie at the club and I didn’t have a spare. Damn. I don’t feel right with it hanging down. Someone is sure to comment on it and I don’t want to explain. I’ll just find a shop here and get another one. I returned to my thoughts.
~ The hotel. Juushiro got in the room without alerting us so he had a key. He must share the room with Byakuya. Share how? Well, sure, they share costs on a suite, but there is only one king bed and one sofa. I can’t imagine either of them willing to sleep on the sofa voluntarily. Do they always sleep together when they come to the living world? Fuck, man! Do they even shower together? I remembered the cloves and cinnamon soap. Ukitake smells like that sometimes. So it was his.
I stopped and groaned at the thoughts playing out in my mind. Gods! I ... can’t get ... the images ... out! My hands flew up to cover my scrunched eyes. Bya and Juu on the bed, touching and kissing each other; Bya washing and fondling Juu in the shower. My breath hitched. WAIT! Hell in Havana! What was that last image? Oh, no. NO. Don’t go there. Damn it, yes, I’m there. They’re together, beckoning me to join them. My body released a lustful shudder. Would ... they ... share lovers? Fuck. Shit. Fuck. I ground my teeth and moved my hands to my hair, once again. Relax, Renji. Don’t get carried away with idiotic thoughts. Tcha, if it was so idiotic, why can I feel a blush on my face? I shook my head to rid the image as it tried to reform. I do not, NOT, want to share him, and I stamped my foot to drive the point home. I started walking again.
I focused back onto the note. Use discretion. What the hell does that mean? Don’t tell anyone? Don’t come to the room tonight? Aarrgh! I’m totally confused. I know I might be overreacting. Maybe they do share the room but not on this trip, because I was there. But ... What about the pet names? and secrecy!
I could see I wasn’t getting any relief from the situation by picking it apart. What I really needed was to chill for awhile and totally take my mind off of it.
Of their own accord, my feet had led me to the Tattoo shop I frequented with Shuu. Ah, finally, some fond memories flood my mind, taking it away from its pointless torment, giving me the breathing space I demanded. I went in, just to browse, see what the latest renderings were, talk some shit with the artist. Maybe he’d have a hair tie? Who knows?
I entered and was pleasantly surprised to see Shuuhei there, laying down ink on the back of a pained but determined Hanataro. Shuu looked up for a moment while he wiped away some blood. “Renji! Hey man, good to see ya. Drop in for some ink?” He lit up with a big smile that just made my day, his eyes taking in my loose mane of hair.
I grinned back, glad to see him, too, but self-conscious about my hair. “No, I ... was just ... out for a walk.” I hesitantly pushed a lock behind my ear. I hoped he didn’t want to talk about Byakuya, especially not after the crap I just put myself through and I definitely wouldn’t in front of Hanataro. He’s a good kid, loyal and all, but not a close buddy of mine.
I spoke quickly before he could ask any probing questions. “What are you doing here? I didn’t think you had time to work here anymore, what with preparations for the war and running Division 9 on your own.” I shifted my feet restlessly, worried he’d pick up on my heartache. He was always good at reading me.
“No, I don’t, but I made time for Hana, here.” His lips pursed and his eyes slitted at my slight agitation. “He would only come if I was the artist. Said he couldn’t trust anyone else.” Shuu looked back at his charge and carried on with the tattoo.
“He’s been getting roughed up from some fucktard soul reapers, thinking they could mess with him cuz he’s so kind and gentle.” He mouthed the word small over Hana’s head and shook his own. “I checked into it and they’re not even in his league, unseated bastards.” Of course, true to his nature, Shuu would gather all the pertinent facts.
“I told him that with the right tattoo, they would walk away next time, no doubt in their mind that to mess with Hana is to mess with a whole shitload of trouble.” He finished another area and sat back. “Wanna see?” He wiped more blood away so I could have look.
I got closer and made out a picture of Hanataro’s Shikai with these words below it in a column.
Under the protection of: Cpt. Ukitake Jūshirō ~13th, Lt. Kuchiki Rukia ~13th, Lt. Kusajishi Yachiru ~11th, Cpt. Hitsugaya Tōshirō~10th
As I read, Shuu commented, “I’ve still got a few left to do. Myself, Captain Unohana, Kira, and Ichigo, to name a few.” He surveyed his work. “Wadda ya think?”
“Heh, yah, that’ll get’em. You can include me in there, too. Did you get permission for those names?” Not that he needed it. I couldn’t see any one of those people turning down Hanataro.
“No problem,” he confirmed. “I wanted to have someone from every division but you know the 12th and the 2nd could care less. Zaraki, too. I still have a few to ask, but I can’t do this all in one sitting, anyway, so there’s time. Say, do you think Captain Kuchiki would let his name stand?” He started to put away his gear.
Shit. He had to bring up that name. “You’d have to ask him, I don’t have a clue what Byakuya thinks.” I pouted. “On second thought, yeah, put him down. I’m sure he would be happy to have his name on Hana’s back. He’s such a stand up guy.” The sarcasm was so obvious, it was dripping. I instantly regretted being so spiteful. Not only to Bya, but it was not my style, and I didn’t want to be that guy.
Shuuhei gave me a dubious stare. When he saw the hurt look I obviously couldn’t mask, it changed to sympathy. “Hana, we should call it a day and let you heal. We can finish the list another time, when I get more name approvals.” He placed bandages over the new tattoo, to protect it from infection and helped his client off the table. “I’d like to have a little catch up session with Renji, if you don’t mind.” He tilted his head toward me while his hand rested on Hanataro’s shoulder.
Hanataro only nodded, having been silently concentrating on subduing his pain during the conversation. “Thanks Shuuhei,” he whispered with an appreciative smile. “You’re a good friend.” His gaze flitted to me for a second as his double meaning became apparent. He got dressed and left the shop.
Shuu indicated the door. “I have to close up. Then, you can walk back to the 9th with me.”

We left the shop in silence, Shuu glancing at me occasionally, trying to read my body language. It unnerved me cuz he knew me too well. I was eager to tell him the good stuff that had happened. He knew I had a major crush for Byakuya. I’m sure I looked like I was going to burst with the news. But, I also didn’t want to admit that it had all fallen apart. I kept looking away at the ground when he tried to make eye contact.
He’d already put two and two together and came up with, “Spill it, you idiot. You’re not foolin’ anyone.” At least his tone was light and there was a sparkle in his eye when I finally took a chance to look. But I was still hesitant and before I could find a starting place, he reached over and sunk his fingers in my hair near the base of my scalp. He leaned in and growled, “What’s with the sexy new look?” He leered at me with his smoky grey eyes. I should say, ‘smokin’ grey. I shivered at the memories. I noticed a couple furtively looking our way.
I feebly knocked his hand away, knowing he was teasing, but couldn’t help a little blush from creeping into my cheeks. “Get off, jerk. I lost my tie, that’s all.”
“Whoa, hoa! Defensive much?” He sniggered. “I doubt that’s the whole story. You know you want to tell, so don’t be a pussy, and get on with it.” I had to hand it to him. He spoke my language, and it made me feel at ease. Guess that’s why we got together in the first place.
“Fine. Just ... keep your remarks to your self until I’m done, kay?” I was serious and he wasn’t some insensitive lout. He could tell I needed some leeway.
He squinted while pooching his lips, “I can’t promise, for sure. You might say something that just begs a comment but I’ll try. You, too! Try not to be so grim, man. It can’t be that bad. If it is, then you’re lookin’ at it all wrong.” I had to smile. What a hypocrite. He could be just as moody as me.
“Well ... I finally got my chance with him.” I smirked a little as I checked for a reaction. “Thought so,” was all he uttered. He kept a straight face and looked ahead to let me continue. I replayed most of the events from the past evening, halting before I revealed the reason for my suffering. I didn’t give any details about the sex, either, just that it was fact now, not fantasy anymore. None of his damn business how hot it was.
He realized I had stopped prematurely and ruthlessly mocked me. “Ohhh. I see now why you seemed so reluctant to reveal this affair. I’d be embarrassed too, if I just got to realize my deepest desires with the object of my obsession.” His voice took on a Yoda-esque quality. “Hide it away, shameful and humiliating, it is.” Then he burst out laughing, punching me in my shoulder. “You’ve got to do better than that, stupid. Nobody, and I mean, NOBODY, would be ashamed of fucking Kuchiki Byakuya. You should be shouting it from the rooftops, I FUCKED Byakuya!” A group of elders showed dismay at the outburst. I smiled apologetically at them.
Without warning, he turned and grabbed my shoulders, absently rubbing the spot he’d just assaulted with his thumb. His gaze pierced my soul, “So what happened to make you so resistant to making a fucking public announcement? You’re obviously pissed at him for something, considering what you said back at the shop.” He had quickly swapped his jibes for solemn concern.
Immediately, my throat constricted as I attempted to speak the truth. “I ... He ...”
My vision blurred as I fathomed the extent of my mortification. I was going to have to tell him, another person, that my idol, my hero, my beloved had ... betrayed me. Quietly, I gasped the hated words. “He’s still ~ with ~ another man.”
“Are you sure? Did he tell you? Did you get all the facts?” Shuu had great empathy for injustice but he didn’t like to make snap decisions. He would always get all the information he could before forming an opinion. We moved under a nearby tree and leaned against it. I relented and told him everything else that happened in a somber, somewhat pitiful tone. I even shared my thoughts about the note, owning up to the possessiveness I felt, while leaving out the daydreams of threesomes.
To give Shuuhei credit, he maintained his serious regard. Although, I detected a twitch in the corner of his mouth as he absorbed the disclosure of my unwillingness to share Bya. Nonetheless, he held me, pressing me against his warm chest, wrapping his strong arms around me while stroking my back. I embraced him in return, heedless of the stares from the Rukon residents. This was my friend, and he was there for me.
This was also my horny ex-lover, panting in my ear as his hands ventured to forbidden territory. “Shuu, get your hand off my ass.” He reluctantly complied and withdrew from my arms, giving me a quirky, lopsided grin.
“Hey, it’s worth a shot. You are free of him, now, aren’t you? I mean, now that he’s been toppled off the pedestal. He’s no longer worthy of your attention. Do you know how long I have waited for this day?” His gaze turned predatory and he closed the distance between our lips. I froze as his warm lips grazed mine and then pressed harder. It felt so familiar ... but ... it was all wrong.
I wrenched away. “NO!” I blurted, before I realized my mistake. We had generated an audience. Self-conscious of the ogling locals, I lowered my voice, “Shuu, I’m sorry. But I don’t want to ... I mean, that I’m still ...”
“You’re still ~ what?” He stood with his hands on his hips, tapping his foot, his expression rigid and expectant. Something about this scene was off. Why was he acting like I just jilted him? For that matter, why did he throw himself at me? We had gone our separate ways quite awhile ago when we agreed that my attraction to Byakuya needed to be addressed, somehow. But, he never said he’d be waiting for me. We were just fine as friends. Better than fine. So what’s up, now?
“I’m still in love with Byakuya. I still want to be with him, okay?” I confessed. I didn’t want Shuu to get the wrong impression.
His posture relaxed and he let out deep exhale. “Bout fuckin’ time! Ya ‘tard,” he sniggered. “I was just fuckin’ with ya.”
“Huh? Why?” I was literally confused. His behaviour was bouncing all over the place. Why would he want to fuck with me? I was in a seriously vulnerable place, here!
“Gods, Renji. I told ya. You’re too grim. It’s not the end of the world that Kuchiki isn't perfect. I tried to tell you that he’s no God, many times. Sometimes, you learn better with actions than words. I forced your hand. Made you admit that even though you think he’s done you wrong, you aren’t going to give him up. And isn’t that the most important part? Now, get on with makin’ up! Wait, that’s the most important part.” He grinned evilly.
*****************************************
A/N: I wanted to make Renji and Shuu frisky friends, ribbing each other, being crude and flirtatious at times. Shuu is rarely serious around him because so much of their lives is dealing with death, fighting and the upcoming war. I didn’t have space to fully capture this, I think, as I’m limiting my word count each chapter. Could be fodder for another prequel?
- 7
- 8
- 9
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Driven to Distraction