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Kaleidoscope	By : severuslover Category: Bleach > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 3200 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach and I make no money what so ever from writing this

Chapter List
- 7
- 8
- 9
JePi : lol It wasnt even supposed to be so complicated - ish with all the backgrounds of the guests. It spiraled out of control. I was faced with the choice of doing it the way I had planned and including all that stuff or leaving it out. -_-" I'm tempted to do spin-off fics with each of the pairs ) I know for sure I'll do the Gin/Rangiku one)lol. I like drunk Renji too. He'll be making another appearance muhuhaha.

I know Bya's personality would make him seme and thats why i dont put him as seme. I like to break him and make him submit. In this one, he's so flawed and not that in control. I will do others where he's seme but this one.....ehh. I let you find out *dont hateme* lol. I try to show and not tell sometimes so it maybe confusing. Bya wasnt mad cuz he hates Aizen and Renji did him a favor and he didnt get mad about the kiss because.... ;) Ahh read on. Hope you like this chap. Kay~

Ayasegawa cooed in delight when Renji placed the raspberry tart in front of him. He turned the plate, inspecting it from every angle before giving him an impressed nod.

To have even a tiny bit of acknowledgement from the man servant was a miracle, but it did nothing to lift Renji’s spirits.

Ayasegawa was sitting at the little table where he and Byakuya had eaten dinner that night. He hadn’t moved it; instead he was using it as an eating area.

He smiled at the memory every time it crossed his mind, and then cringed directly after.

“Why are you out here?” he asked irritably, lying down on a futon, his arms folded behind his head.

“I have more right to be here than you do.” He put his hand to his cheek, closed his eyes and sighed in enjoyment when he tasted it. “Who knew you could be useful at something.”

They were currently in the greenhouse, sponging some of the warmth the flowers were enjoying. The wind outside had the mid-November chill to it, but that wasn’t the primary reason Renji was here.

He’d had runaway again, this time seeking solitude and tranquility among the flowers. Well it shouldn’t exactly be considered as running away. He’d moved his art supplies out here. He even made a makeshift futon where he would relax or sleep if he wanted to. He could cook for himself and he’d discovered a bathroom, so he made it his new space and spent the days here.

The gardener – a middle aged man by the name of Shunsui – became a valuable new companion. He was generally a quiet man but after he’d warmed up to Renji – they bonded after Renji had told him how he filled in for him and nearly died – he started to talk his ear off. He was taught more about flowers and their language than he’d ever thought he needed to know. The more he learned about what they meant, the more he found himself appreciating them for their complexity and not just their beauty.

“We haven’t talked since the dinner,” he heard Ayasegawa say.

It was true; Renji had been dodging him to spare himself from having to rehash the events of that ill-fated night. No need to keep reliving the embarrassment.

He needed space and time to think. To really think. He knew he was headed in a downward spiral and if he didn’t regain control, he’d crash hard. It wasn’t like him to act this way. It also wasn’t like him to be this infatuated with someone…

“There’s nothing to talk about,” Renji said moodily, turning on his side.

“Seconds!” Ayasegawa held out his empty plate cheerfully.

“Get it yourself!” Renji snapped.

“Is that any way to treat the person who’s been bringing your meals for two months?”

“That’s your job.” Renji grudgingly got up and brought him the whole thing. He really didn’t appreciate the distractions when he was trying to host a personal pity party.

“So –” Ayasegawa started conversationally.

“So what?”

“What in god’s name possessed you to do that?!”

Renji sighed. “I have no fuckin’ idea. I wasn’t thinking straight… I just couldn’t sit there and let that guy talk to him like that.”

“Who ‘that guy’?”

“Aizen.”

“What did he say?” Ayasegawa asked somberly.

“Shit like he hadn’t painted anything good lately. He ripped him apart.”

“Hmm.” There was a hint of amusement in his voice.

“What?”

“It’s interesting you would readily defend someone who essentially tells you the same thing quite often.”

He’d never thought about it that way. As angry as the criticism made him it pushed him to do better, and his brain wanted him to believe that that was Kuchiki’s intent and not because he meant it. If he really hated it why would he buy Renji’s painting?

“Even if that Aizen guy was only being vindictive – and he clearly was – it really seemed…to upset him.”

Ayasegawa sighed heavily. “It does more than you know,” he said softly, more to himself. The sound his teacup made as it collided forcefully with its saucer echoed so loudly it startled Renji.

“You didn’t tell Kuchiki-shi I brought you out there did you?”

“He didn’t ask…” Renji was distracted by a trail of ants, carrying crumbs from his breakfast back to their home. If he was an ant life would be so much easier.

“You really are a glutton for punishment. Is that why he put you out of the house?”

“He didn’t put me out,” Renji said indignantly. Ayasegawa laughed, pouring himself some tea. He was starting on his third slice of tart.

“He didn’t? I thought this was part of your punishment? Sleep out here, cook his meals…”

“Those were both my decisions… He wasn’t mad at me for interrupting the dinner.” But I bet he wants me tarred and feathered for molesting him. Don’t think about it. Don’t think about it.

Cooking for him was Renji’s way of trying to make amends. After much protest and a threat to quit which fell on deaf ears, the cook relented, nose in the air, and allowed Renji to play chef. He would wake up early and make Byakuya’s breakfast, sending it out to him a purple hyacinth every day. But he wouldn’t join him.

He only saw him a few times, each time he was disappearing through that door that Renji had seen him sneaking into before a while back. He wanted to go after him, but he was always being closely followed by Ayasegawa who stuck him in the back if he veered off course. Kuchiki spared no time to talk. He didn’t greet Renji in passing either. Maybe that’s why the man servant thought Kuchiki was angry at him. If only he knew.

That’s part of what made him seek refuge here. He’d finally gone too far, he thought, the man didn’t even want to look at him and that ate at him. Had he ruined everything?

Ayasegawa snorted, and then seemingly remembering himself, covered it with a cough. “Well he’s not the biggest fan of Aizen, but Kuchiki-shi is too polite to be… well… impolite. Why go through all this then if it’s not punishment? You’re a fairly over dramatic person, Renji-kun.”

Renji didn’t reply immediately. He knew what Ayasegawa’s response would be. He didn’t need to tell him anything but part of him wanted to tell someone. To get a second confirmation that he was a huge ass.

The sun broke through the prison of clouds overhead, making the flowers come alive with color for a few minutes. The ants were still marching unwaveringly.

“I kissed him.”

The tea Ayasegawa started to sip came flying out in a fine mist.

“Very classy,” Renji muttered.

“You did what?!” Ayasegawa was hanging on to his chair, scandalized. “Why did you do something like that?”

“I was drunk and I crossed the line,” Renji said matter-of-factly.

Ayasegawa mopped up the spilled tea with a napkin. “Well whatever you got for that you deserved it.”

“That’s the thing. He didn’t shout, didn’t hit me. I don’t know…what he’s thinking.”

“He said nothing to you about doing that?” Ayasegawa asked in disbelief. Renji sat up, shaking his head.

He knew the man was angry at him. He wondered why he allowed him to continue to stay there after all the stupid shit he did.

Was there a special reason for this? Or was Renji merely a way to relieve his boredom. Would he let him stay at the cost of the close relationship they were starting to build?

“Fuck! What am I doing?” Renji yelled at the top of his voice, ruffling his hair in frustration.

Ayasegawa threw a spoon at his head. “Don’t do that, you’ll get split ends.”

Renji stopped moving. Yes he was concerned about the split ends but a thought had taken hold of him. A thought he couldn’t believe he’d never asked Ayasegawa about. “Yumi, what was Byakuya’s last girlfriend like?”

“Why do you want to know something like that?”

“Call it…morbid curiosity.” What type of women did he prefer? Who had he liked in the past? What kind of person were they? Were they women?

Ayasegawa looked away. “I don’t know.”

“Oh.” Renji wasn’t expecting a straight answer anyway. Byakuya was a private person and Ayasegawa was loyal to him. He would reveal certain things to Renji but nothing deeply personal.

“D-Do you know if he… if he has someone he likes?” Now he’d definitely regret asking this one. It zoomed past morbid morbid curiosity and crashed right into certain death territory. He wanted and didn’t want to hear. He was still weak. “Don’t answ – ”

“He does.”

“What?”

“I said, yes he does,” Ayasegawa repeated, sipping his tea, unperturbed by Renji’s world collapsing.

He hadn’t prepared his heart. He expected it to hurt but not that much. His mind went numb.

Renji, too busy going insane didn’t notice Ayasegawa staring at him as if he’d never seen him before, his face calculating.

“I have an idea,” he said slowly.

“Jump off the nearest bridge and curse my existence?”

“Well you could do that if you wanted. No one would stop you,” he said sarcastically. “Kuchiki-shi went to the office today. Whenever he does he always comes back to have chamomile tea at 3 in the evening.”

“Ok.” Renji answered automatically, not seeing where he was going with this.

“You should offer to have a talk with him.”Ayasegawa stood up, checking his watch. “We have thirty minutes. Let’s get you ready.”

“I honestly don’t feel like it.” The thought of Byakuya having someone he liked took the air out of his lungs. He was a fool. He’d been one all along. The urge to curl up into a ball and weep was overwhelming.

“I’m not the one you should be asking out this. Kuchiki-shi is the best person for you to ask. If it’s important to you, don’t give it up that easily.”

Renji was sure he’d heard that somewhere before. Ayasegawa pulled him up. “Go and draw a bath. I’ll get my supplies. And hurry we don’t have much time.”

Renji still walked with the urgency of a sloth.

When he was out of sight, Ayasegawa berated himself. If he wasn’t careful he could get into big trouble. But Renji was different from all the others. Something about the red head made him want to help him.

Kuchiki-shi never deviated from his afternoon tea ever. This would allow him to verify whether he favored Renji. He’d never seen the man be this lenient to anyone. And he ate his food. Maybe Renji was the one.

When he was about to leave Renji’s room with his hair products, he heard faint music. He saw Renji’s cell ringing, still attached to the charger and took it up, looking at the caller.

He continued to frown at it for a moment, before turning it off mid-cal and placing it in his pocket.

~

Renji sat still, letting his body be as pliant as Ayasegawa wanted. Saying he wasn’t in a good mood was a gross understatement. His mind was blank except for a giant banner that read ‘Byakuya likes someone else’.

But what did he expect? Tall, handsome and wealthy? The line of available ladies must be a mile long.

And why would he refuse? He was a grown man with his own wants and needs just like any other. God knows how long he’d been seeing the person. He might even be engaged.

But how could he possibly be in a relationship. Renji had been here for almost three months and hadn’t seen anyone come to visit.

Did he call them when he went to bed at night? Was he seeing them when he disappeared for long periods of time? Did they visit him at work? Did he meet them under the cover of darkness?

These thoughts cycled through his head one after the other. Was that why he pushed him away?

God why was he so stupid? A man like Byakuya who was at the top of the food chain would never notice someone like him. What the hell did he have to offer him?

For the first time since coming here, he entertained the idea of leaving. He didn’t sign or contract or anything and Byakuya had made it clear that there wasn’t much he could teach him.

He’d be glad to be gone, he told himself. He didn’t need a teacher. He needed a new career choice. A fresh start. Maybe he could move in with a roommate and rent a nicer apartment, continue cooking and resign himself to a job that paid the bills instead of one he liked. Only a small percentage could be that lucky.

It was time to wake up from the dream.

It wouldn’t hurt to leave him on good terms. No need to burn a bridge. He would have a talk with him, clear things up and leave in a dignified manner.

Ayasegawa tapped him on the shoulder. “Feeling better?”

“No.”

“You’ll feel better once you see what I’ve done.”

“I doubt it,” he said dully. The reason he got his hair done in the first place was because Kuchiki had asked.

“Tada.” He held out a hand mirror for Renji to get a look. He’d expected to see curls or an annoyingly feminine updo. He’d been so focused on thinking he hadn’t paid attention to what he was doing. It was the simplest way he’d ever done his hair; a part to the side, the lesser side tucked behind his ear, the other swept across his face. It hung straight down over his shoulders and down his back.

“What, no frilly hair today?”

“No, not today,” Ayasegawa smiled.

Another check of the time. “Five minutes. Get dressed, you’re clothes are laid out.”

Sighing, he went over to his futon where the clothes were. “Ugh, no I hate those jeans.” It was the tight, uncomfortable pair.

“You’re wearing those.”

“There must be another clean pair, come on.”

“No, it has to be those,” he said sternly.

“Why?”

“Oh I don’t know. It’s certainly not because it was hinted to me that this pair is highly appreciated on you – ”

“I give up,” he huffed, throwing his hands in the air. Highly irritable as he was, he wasn’t listening and all this talking felt like unnecessary noise. “Whatever, I’ll wear ‘em.”

The less he argued the better for him.

He wore a fur necked brown over his shirt because it was fucking cold now that it was November. He contemplated asking whose clothes they were but decided not to. He didn’t have to care anymore.

Following Ayasegawa out to the front of the Kuchiki mansion, he was surprised by his calm, but he couldn’t figure out how he should greet him, what kind of expression he should make.

Should he smile and laugh to play it down, apologize for what he did and blame everything on a drunken daze. Should he look ashamed and beg for forgiveness? He was weirdly dethatched about the whole thing.

He didn’t have long to ponder, the black limo pulled up at three pm exact.

Ayasegawa moved forward and opened the door.

Renji stood there, hands in his pockets, mind in limbo.

When Byakuya stepped out and stood right in front of him, within arm’s reach, the only expression he could make was the one that came naturally, without thought or pretense; sadness and the overwhelming desire to touch him.

Why was he still such a fool! He had to remind himself that this man was taken. It worked better when he couldn’t see him.

Byakuya’s face was blank. But his eyes softened. Renji saw Ayasegawa narrow his eyes at him as the limo pulled away.

“Uh… can we talk… for a little?”

Shit, his voice sounded pathetic.

Ayasegawa rolled his eyes, obviously astounded by his articulate nature. He was trying to get Renji’s attention again, his eyes screaming ‘Say something else you twit!’

Before he needed to, Byakuya nodded. “Come with me.”

Despite being the one who initiated it, Ayasegawa and Renji exchanged shocked looks. He motioned with his hand for Renji to follow and not linger with him to arouse suspicion.

The path they were taking to Byakuya’s art room. The room where he first touched Renji. Where he first told him his hair was beautiful. Where he thought he would kiss him. The recollection sent shivers down his back. Had he been a bit more observant he would’ve noticed Ayasegawa had dressed him in the same clothes and wondered why.

He watched him take off his jacket, place it over a chair and sit down – the same place they sat so close last time – rolling up the sleeves of his royal blue silk shirt up to his elbows.

Renji got comfortable, his long gangly legs stretched out in front of him, and allowed a considerable distance between them. That was the only way he’d keep his hands to himself.

Time to address the elephant in the room then.

He cleared his throat. “Um… I wanted to say I’m sorry…” He was hit with a sense of déjà vu.

“How many times have you said that to me?”

“Way too many.” But this will be the last time .“I was drunk, I wasn’t thinking and I made you feel uncomfortable. I do brainless things when I drink.”

“You do brainless things whether you drink or not…” Byakuya gave a tiny smile but Renji didn’t see it. He was extremely interested in the marble floors beneath his feet.

“Gee thanks. You and your butler are very alike.” Renji felt his eyes on him. He didn’t dare look at him. He didn’t want to. All that was left now was to tell him he was leaving. Tell him he was going back home and that he appreciated the hospitality and patience he’d offered him. Tell him that they’d maybe see each other at some event or in passing...

He steeled himself. Just say it! Let it be over.

He finally made eye contact with his piecing gaze. Just say it.

“I’m…”

Byakuya reached across the expanse of upholstery and did the same thing he did that day. He ran his hands through Renji’s hair.

“You don’t seem like yourself. Is something bothering you?”

He swallowed, shaking his head, subtly tugging his hair away. “No.” He didn’t want to be touched right now, to be made to believe something that wasn’t true.

He rested his head back, hands limply lying beside him. Say it!

“I’m...I think it would be…for the best if I left.”

“What made you come to that decision?”

A fair question. Renji knew he would’ve asked. He just wasn’t sure if he cared.

“It doesn’t matter,” he replied dismissively.

“Do I not deserve an explanation as to why my apprentice is suddenly leaving?”

I’ve caused you so much trouble. I need to think about if I want to continue painting. I should be able to manage on my own. I’d like to forge my own way in this business. All he had to do was to pick one. Each sounded reasonable and without cause for further explanation. But as usual, he couldn’t be anything other than honest. He couldn’t say anything other than what he wanted to.

“Nothing… it’s just that you’re in love with someone … and it isn’t me is it.” It wasn’t a question. He didn’t need an answer. Hearing it straight from his mouth would shatter him completely. He wanted to say it. To let him know, he knew.

“I see.”

He exhaled, the last remaining hope he had dying when the man didn’t deny it. So that’s how it was. That’s all he would give him? He gave a tiny half laugh. He would leave then.

So why did his body feel so heavy? So unlike his own? So foreign. His eyes began to burn, becoming cloudy. He didn’t want to be here anymore.

He was a fool, because even now, he was hoping that he would tell him to…

“Stay.”

His cruel ears were playing tricks on him, his longing wanting the oasis in the distance to be real.

His blurry examination of the ceiling was now obstructed by fine features and pleading eyes. Byakuya was over him, his hand next to his head, one knee bent and ever so slightly prodding between his legs while his other hand pressing on his partially exposed stomach.

He was very close to him suddenly. And as it turns out he wasn’t as impervious to his charms as he’d tried to be. Butterflies in his stomach scattered.

Why did he do this to him? Why was he doing this to him?

“Stay…” Renji felt his eyes closing, tears running down his cheeks. Slender fingers crawled their way up his belly. Kuchiki leaned in until their noses brushed, lips ghosting over his, until he was breathing in every breath Renji took.

He was a fool. Because he would let his heart be ripped out of his chest, if it was the request of this man.
- 7
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- 9
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Kaleidoscope