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A Shadow of What Was	By : katami Category: Bleach > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 49594 -:- Recommendations : 3 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach, nor the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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Author's Notes: I will content myself with a gentle reminder that reviews are much appreciated before heading out to brave the rain and vote.

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Hirenkyaku carried him to his front door almost instantly and Rukia startled as Ishida Ryuuken stepped from the shadows. Looking at him, dignified and elegant she felt even more miserable sitting there. She was shivering, soaked to the skin, muddy, bloody and she knew her eyes and cheeks were red from crying. She was also missing both her shoes. When compared against Ryuuken she looked every inch the Rukongai brat she had started out as. "Are you alright, "Rukia-chan?" the Quincy asked her softly, kneeling down beside her and taking one of her chilled hands in his large warm ones.

She gave him a miserable nod and a sniffle that quite clearly contradicted her. "I'm sorry...I...I didn't know where else...I don't have anywhere else," she stammered, her teeth chatting and her jaw clenching to try and halt it.

"Hush, it's fine. Come inside, you're freezing out here," he ordered, gently but firmly pulling her to her feet and escorting her inside. He turned on the light and Rukia blinked owlishly, wondering how much more miserable she must look under the bright light. "Come, I'll draw you a bath. There must be something around here that will fit you," he murmured, frowning at her bedraggled state and leading her to the guest bathroom.

"Take your time. I'll try and find something for you to wear. We can speak once you're more comfortable," he ordered and Rukia gave him a pathetically grateful nod before the door quietly clicked shut. She hadn't wanted to impose on the Quincy, but she'd told him the truth - there was no where else for her to go. Ichigo had problems enough of his own and while she loved Renji she couldn't talk about this with him. She didn't know why, she just knew that she would never be able to make him understand. Not when she didn't entirely understand herself.

She shed her sodden robes and rinsed off quickly, her skin tingling under the nearly scalding water. She couldn't remember the last time she had been so cold, or so lost, the only thing that came to mind was the vaguest wisp of a memory from long ago. A memory of finding herself alone and hungry in an alleyway. She had been so cold and frightened, but she had stayed there knowing that there should have been someone coming for her and waiting for them. But no one ever came.

She had never felt more terrified than when she had slipped from that alley and into the world beyond. Never until she had fled her brother's room anyway. She stifled a sob and wrapped her arms around herself in a sad parody of a hug, trying to still the trembling of her body, trying to understand what she had done. One moment she had been standing there staring awkwardly at her brother and the man who was clearly his lover, and the next she had been screaming, hurling accusations and footwear at her brother, the head of her family.

She choked back a shuddering sob as she realized that Byakuya would likely have her expelled from the family for what she had done. It was one thing to shout at him like the undignified hooligan he'd always thought her to be, but to throw things at him...

She shuddered and forced her mind away from the spiraling thoughts of despair and began scrubbing, the mud coming away easily and even the chill succumbing to the water's warmth. She wished the horrible uncertainty would do the same, but it lingered, tightening her stomach and making her wonder if anything in her life would ever be the same again.

She dragged herself from the warmth of the shower with the greatest of reluctance, not ready to face the universe or her place in it. Ryuuken had found her what looked like a pair of Uryuu's old sweats to wear. She dragged the clothes on, nearly swimming in them, but savoring the warmth, before slipping from the bathroom.

The rich aroma of coffee reached her nose and under that a subtle scent that she couldn't quite place, but one that had her stomach tightening in eager anticipation. Rukia wasn't sure what she had been expecting, but Ishida Ryuuken with his sleeves rolled up, standing over a pan was not it. The smirk he gave her was filled with gentle warmth and mischievous delight. The Quincy enjoyed throwing people off balance she decided with almost fond exasperation.

"You! You're...cooking!" she exclaimed, gesturing to the tray of food he had assembled in her absence. There were two cups of coffee - one lightened to a beautiful fallow color and the other black - and the Quincy was plating an omelet as they spoke.

"Yes, I found it to be a rather useful skill if I did not wish to starve," he retorted playfully before gentling his tone. "I have been alone for nearly twenty years and had only a small child with me before that, is it really so shocking that I would know how to cook?"

"No, no, I guess not...I just never thought of you as the type..." she trailed off. She hovered near him and Ryuuken gently steered her toward the living room and the couch, handing her the heavily creamed coffee. She nearly sighed in pleasure as the heady aroma reached her nose and the heat soaked into her fingers. She settled on the couch and sipped at the coffee, watching as Ryuuken quickly finish adding things to the tray before joining her.

Rukia eagerly devoured the omelet the Quincy handed her and when she was done Ryuuken quickly traded the plate for a blanket, draping it around her carefully. "What happened, Rukia-chan?" he asked gently, his eyes startlingly blue and so deep she thought she might drown in them.

"I...I came across my brother..." she confessed softly, the blush that rose on her cheeks saying more than enough about the state she had come across him in.

"Entertaining," suggested Ryuuken garnering a quick nod. "Hardly pleasant, but surly not enough to explain your state."

"I...I blew up. All these words came tumbling out, all these old resentments that we never spoke of - about our family and my sister and how he treated me and....And the next thing I knew I was screaming at him. And when he tried to get me to calm down...I threw my shoe at him," explained Rukia, feeling the stirrings of that heady madness once again as the words tumbled out. She could almost see herself standing there shouting, her Nii-sama staring at her, shocked and frozen. And in the background, almost as an after thought, the Arrancar, torn between her anger and her Nii-sama's chilly reserve. Even then she had seen his uncertainty and discomfort, a tiny part of her reveling in it.

A warm solid weight settled across her shoulders and Rukia found herself gently urged closer to the Quincy. She leaned against his side, almost sagging against his warm solid strength.

"That explains one shoe. What about the other? And the rather moist state I found you in?" demanded the pale haired man.

Rukia blushed and snuggled closer to him. "After I hit Nii-sama with my shoe I ran...straight into the pond in the garden. I lost my other shoe there." Ryuuken's laughter was rich and deep, and Rukia was annoyed for only an instant before she hesitantly chuckled herself. "It's not that funny," she warned the Quincy, trying to fight back a smile.

"My dear Kuchiki, it really is," he purred.

"Bastard," snorted Rukia, sighing and relaxing further against the older man. He was nothing like what she was used to, but he was soothing. And there was an odd sort of compassion to his briskness. Under all the ire and ill temper Ishida Ryuuken really was a very kind man. She took a sip of her coffee, making a soft sound of enjoyment and let one of her hands touch the Quincy's, almost embarrassingly grateful when he shifted his hand and laced their fingers together.

"I realize it may be none of my business, but what exactly about your brother courting upsets you so? Surely you must have known it was bound to happen sometime."

Rukia sighed and stared into her coffee cup for a moment to try and find a way to explain the wholly irrational but completely instinctive response. "Nii-sama and I have never been close. He only adopted me because my sister made him swear to look after me, but I reminded him of Hisana so he never wanted much to do with me. He took her death very hard. I guess...I had always hoped that we would be closer. After Ichigo and the others came for me Nii-sama was able to let go of Hisana a little more, but we both had duties by then and...I'm not ready for him to move on...

"What if he forgets me?" she whispered softly, almost desperately. It was a stupid fear, illogical and foolish, she told herself; but her sister - her very flesh and blood - had once left her. Byakuya had even less of a connection to her. Renji had moved on and fallen in love with Uryuu. Ichigo had Urahara. And while she didn't begrudge them a single moment of their joy together, she couldn't help feeling left behind in some small way.

Ryuuken set his coffee aside and shifted so that his gaze meet hers, giving her hand a gentle squeeze. "You're being very foolish, you know," he chided softly. "Your brother is not going to forget about you. Things will change, certainly, but life is about change. A very strange and terrifying thought for a Shinigami, I know, but you'll get used to it," he teased her lightly.

A warm hand cupped her cheek, thumb gently tracing over her cheekbone, as deep blue eyes studied her face. "I know it feels like you're being left behind, like they're all moving on without you, Rukia. But as much as we may wish it to the be otherwise, we cannot stop the world and remain as we are. Just as we cannot divorce ourselves from our feelings and those we have cared for. The heart holds tightly to love long past the death of the last ember of affection."

"You sound like someone whose found his hands full of ash," she whispered, starting into those endless blue eyes, as if looking deep enough would yield the key to understanding Ishida Ryuuken. Something shifted in his eyes, some subtle falling of the walls that normally guarded him, and Rukia reached up hesitantly to caress the Quincy's cheek.

"Far too often I think," murmured Ryuuken morosely. He stared at her for a long moment, his thumb caressing her cheek like she was some rare treasure. "He would be a fool to let you go," whispered the Quincy, leaning in close and for just an instant Rukia was sure the Quincy was going to kiss her. Oddly, the thought wasn't as awkward or strange as she once might have thought it to be. In fact, she rather hoped he would.

Ryuuken's lips stopped a hair's breath from hers and Rukia blinked at him before smiling and closing the distance, brushing her lips against his. The kiss was soft and gentle, feather light and over almost instantly, Ryuuken pulling away.

"You're upset," he murmured, something almost akin regret tingeing the words as he caressed her hair. And as much as she wanted to contradict him, she couldn't.

"If I wasn't so upset?" she ventured softly, curiously.

The tiny twist of Ryuuken's lips spoke volumes and the laughing warmth in his eyes was intoxicating. The Quincy brushed his lips over hers, his teeth closed gently on her bottom lip and his tongue slid past her lips. Rukia moan and let her fingers drifted into his pale, silky hair, earning a soft sound of approval. Ryuuken kissed with the same thoroughness he brought to all things, decided Rukia as he slowly seduced her, exploring every corner of her mouth and sliding his tongue against hers. When the kiss finally ended blue eyes slid open and met with hers filled with the languid contentment of a sated cat. Rukia gave a soft sigh as warm hands caressed her face. She kissed his fingertips and earned a tiny snort of laughter from the Quincy.

"We should both get some sleep. It's been a very long day," murmured Ryuuken, although he made no move to release her or rise. Rukia made a soft noise of disagreement and slid her arms around him, garnering a tiny smile from Ryuuken.

"I don't think I can sleep," whispered Rukia with a chuckle, earning a sigh in return.

"I'll get more coffee, you find us a movie. I don't think either one of us is up for any more soul searching this evening," ordered Ryuuken good naturedly, gathering their cups and nodding her towards an entertainment center. She nodded and began exploring, rather impressed with the set up, or at least knowing enough to know that she should be impressed. Renji was a bit of a techno junkie and years associating with the redhead had taught her to at least recognize something her old friend would at least approve of. She chuckled softly as she began pouring over the Quincy's video collection and easily selected a movie, trying to suppress her amusement while she waited for Ryuuken.

"You look entirely too pleased with yourself," murmured the Quincy, handing her a fresh cup of heavily creamed coffee and settling beside her. She smirked at him, snuggling close and tossing the blanket over them both before pushing play.

"Abbott and Costello?" she purred at him, pleased by the hint of amused embarrassment that crossed the Quincy's face.

"A gift from Isshin," he explained, an arm sliding around her shoulders, holding her tight.

"One of these days you are going to have to tell me how a Quincy became friends with not one but two Shinigami captains."

Ryuuken snorted softly. "You wouldn't believe me if I told you," he told her, the words purred into her ear as the credits began rolling.
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A Shadow of What Was