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A Shadow of What Was	By : katami Category: Bleach > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 49594 -:- Recommendations : 3 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach, nor the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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Author's Notes: Dear lord, another victim of the one-shot. I really hope you survived, Tellkalia. And that you got some sleep. Glad you enjoyed it though. I can see I need to post some sort of plea for new readers to take this story at a moderate pace.

You are too cute, Irana. I still have problems believing that people get teary over my writing, I love it, but can't believe it. And never fear, I wouldn't ruin what is turning into a very hot relationship in my head - not when those two are already pestering me about their make-up/make-out.

Rukia has her reasons for being upset, FakeMemory, and we will get into them. And never fear, I am committed to all 100+ chapters of Shadow, I just meant that we are coming to a time of strife and pain in the story.

* * *

"Two o'clock, low and coming fast," murmured Ryuuken, sensing their quarry.

"Jesus," breathed Isshin, sensing the wildly erratic reiatsu a moment later. Kisuke wasn't just upset, he was one light push away from a complete breakdown if his reiatsu was indication. "We've gotta be careful of him, Ryuuken. Whatever they've been doing to him has the kid damn near suicidal."

The elder Quincy nodded but there was an angry tension in the set of his jaw. Quincy did not handle loved ones being upset well, and whether Ryuuken liked to admit it or not, Kisuke was still important to him.

The pale figure came into view a few seconds later and Isshin frowned at Ryuuken. Kisuke looked horrible. His chest was bare, his shirt clutched in his right hand, but the blonde didn't seem to have the presence of mind to put it on. His hair was disheveled and his bottom lip was bloody from being bitten too many times. There were tears falling over his cheeks and a fairly obvious stain on his pants. He was unsteady on his feet, wobbling drunkenly, and trembling terribly.

Isshin alighted next to the blonde on the right and Ryuuken on his left, startling the younger man so badly he jumped. "It's okay. We're not going to hurt you, kiddo," soothed Isshin gently, carefully brushing Kisuke's arm with the tips of his fingers. The skin was cool; the poor kid had to be freezing and too worked up to even notice.

"Are you all right?" asked Ryuuken, his voice calm and mild, melodic. Ryuuken had a great voice for soothing nervous patients if one could get him talking.

"Do...do I know you?" whispered Kisuke, his voice frayed and full of fear.

"No. No, you don't know us. You might have once but that was a long time ago and not important now," replied Ryuuken.

Isshin nodded. "What's important now is getting you taken care of," he told the blonde, gently prying his shirt free of his right hand. Kisuke stared at the shirt blankly, like he didn't recognize it or that he had been carrying it. Ryuuken had pulled out a handkerchief and was gently dabbing at the younger man's cheeks. "Anything else can wait."

"There was a vending machine about a block back, Isshin. Get us some water," ordered Ryuuken, steering Kisuke to a bench and making him sit. Isshin tossed the Quincy his handkerchief and trotted off to get the water, smiling as Ryuuken cursed him for not turning over the scrap of cloth earlier.

He was back a few moments later, water in hand. Ryuuken was crouched next to Kisuke and the blonde looked to be coming around a little, not that it was much of an improvement. Rather than dazed and sightless, his eyes were haunted with grief and fear. Isshin swore he was going to box Ichigo's ears the next time he saw his son before deciding that Ichigo had probably suffered enough if Kisuke was this bad off. Still, the boy should have known better than to go feeling up Urahara.

"Water," he told Ryuuken tossing him the bottle and settling on the bench with Kisuke, careful not to crowd him but close enough to remind him that he was not alone. He gently touched the boy's bottom lip when he began to worry it. "No more of that, you're hurting yourself," he admonished.

"Goat Face? Megumi-san?" asked the blonde, his voice lost and afraid, years younger. A second later he flinched and sobbed, arms going around himself.

Isshin shared a knowing look with Ryuuken over Urahara's old nicknames for them, catching the faint, fond smile on the Quincy's lips. "It's us, Kisuke," soothed the older man gently.

"It's okay, Kisuke," murmured Isshin, hugging the younger man as Ryuuken finished wiping him off. They tugged the blonde's shirt back on and Ryuuken even draped his jacket around the young man's shoulders.

"Let's get you out of the cold. I'll be amazed if you don't have pneumonia running around like this," murmured Ryuuken.

"No!" shrieked Kisuke, shying like a startled colt, his eyes wide and filled with panic. "I don't wanna go back!"

"No one's going to take you back, Kisuke," soothed Isshin. "Ryuuken just wants to get you out of the cold. You're cold, aren't you?"

He received a small, miserable nod.

"Your house is closer," noted Ryuuken, glancing around. "We could get some tea and talk. Would that be all right?" he asked the blonde. Kisuke looked uncertain and his teeth tried to worry his lip until Isshin tapped him on the nose. Gray eyes stared at him before the blonde gave a shaky nod and they were off, Kisuke carefully cosseted between them.

"Would you like to talk about what happened?" ventured Ryuuken.

Kisuke shook his head violently, gasping softly. "He'll come. It's all too close to the surface. I can't tell what's him or me anymore! But I can't...I'm not..." Kisuke startled again, his eyes wide and filled with panic. He would have fled if Ryuuken hadn't grabbed him, covering the gesture as hug.

"Breathe. Calm down and just breathe. In and out. Don't think about anything else, just breathe. Nice deep breath in...and then out," ordered Ryuuken. The blonde obeyed, the first few breaths quick and gasping, but slowly he began to mimic Ryuuken's breathing, deep and slow, staring at the Quincy as if mesmerized. "Good. Just breathe," murmured Ryuuken, soothing the blonde's hair slightly and giving him the faintest of smiles.

"Feeling better?" asked Isshin as Ryuuken released the boy. Kisuke nodded. "Think you can answer a question or two?" The nod was shakier and the fear was back in the kid's eyes.

"Name?" he queried as Ryuuken shot him a smile.

"Rank?" asked the other man.

"Serial number?" they queried together and Kisuke giggled, for that was all the joyous little bubble of laughter could be called.

"He is supposed to be a genius, I suppose we could ask something a little harder. What's one plus one?"

Kisuke giggled again. "Miserable Quincy bastard," he snorted with good humor.

"I am questioning a Shinigami," smirked Ryuuken. "I'd thought it best not to strain your meager intelligence too far."

They all chuckled and began moving again, keeping Kisuke between them but not pushing him with conversation just yet. The breather seemed to help him calm down and begin to resettle. By the time they reached his front door Isshin thought the blonde might be almost calm. Ryuuken and Kisuke settled in the living room, talking softly about nothing more unusual than the latest issue of National Geographic. There was no tea, which Isshin was sure was some sort of grave oversight on the part of all that was good and right with the universe, but he found a box of hot chocolate buried in the cupboard and prepared that. He even managed to dig up some marshmallows that had to be as old as the chocolate, but still managed to melt into a nice froth.

Ryuuken glared at the offering but Kisuke smiled and looked positively boisterous, sipping it happily. "Your face is gonna stick that way," Kisuke teased Ryuuken shyly, grinning behind his cup.

"How could you tell?" shot Isshin, earning a sour glare from Ryuuken.

"Ready to talk about it now?" asked Isshin gently, feeling it was time to poke at Kisuke a little but not wanting to send him spiraling again.

The blonde shook his head, "No, but if I wait until I'm ready I'll never talk about it."

"We could always talk about how you came to be walking half naked in the dead of night," came Ryuuken's bland drawl, his eyes twinkling. They all knew what Kisuke had been doing and with who. Kisuke flushed to nearly tomato red while Ryuuken blinked and Isshin chuckled. He liked this softer version of Kisuke, in the old days, prying a blush out of the blonde had been a thing of effort. Now a little innuendo lit him up. It was cute.

"Fuck off, Ryuuken," snapped Kisuke, finding a few of Urahara's teeth.

"Sorry, I don't sleep with Shinigami," grinned Ryuuken. Grinned? Isshin checked again just to be sure - yep, Ryuuken was grinning. And if a grinning Quincy wasn't a sign of the End of Days, what was? He decided to worry about it later. He had a golden chance to yank Ryuuken's tail and he was not going to lose it. "Unless the Shinigami's name is Kuchiki," he announced, making Ryuuken glare murder, mayhem, and all other manner of pain and suffering at him. Kisuke just blinked quizzically before he burst out laughing.

"You? You...Byakuya-kun...," he tried several times to get out before collapsing into whooping laughter each time.

"The other Kuchiki," sniffed Ryuuken, all stiff affronted dignity.

"Other Kuchiki? Rukia?" Isshin nodded and Kisuke stared, clearly not believing it. "Ryuu and Rukia?" he managed to breathe in a whisper before he began giggling madly again. "Byakuya is gonna skin you."

"We are straying from the topic," growled Ryuuken, a faint blush on his cheeks and a pinched look to his features. He really did hate being laughed at.

"Do I have to talk about it?" whispered Kisuke, looking small and lost, uncertain in a way Urahara never had.

"No, but it might help," soothed Isshin, putting an arm around his shoulders. "Things can't have been easy these last few days and it might be nice to talk to people who have no agendas where you're concerned."

Kisuke nodded, taking another sip of his cocoa. "I...I'm lost. I feel all these things but they're his - Urahara's feelings, not mine. And everyone just expects me to remember and be him; but I'm not. I'm me! And what happens to me if I remember? Every time...when he comes to surface, it's like I get lost, I forget who I am and...and...I won't die to bring him back! I won't!," he began, the words tumbling out faster and faster in a heated rush before he broke off with a choked sob.

Isshin drew the younger man close, letting him cry it out, feeling oddly protective of this child who had been his friend. Ryuuken refilled Kisuke's cup and fetched a box of tissue for when the sniffling began. Slowly the tears faded and Isshin gently patted Kisuke's shoulder; even Ryuuken managed a small affectionate pat on the arm. "What makes you so sure he'll consume you, Kisuke? I know the memories can be overwhelming, all that experience crashing down on you, but you're thinking of it like it's a matter of you and him. It isn't like that," soothed Isshin gently.

Kisuke sniffled and chewed at his lip, earning a frown from Ryuuken. "Stop that," scolded the Quincy gently. Kisuke looked contrite and stopped, sniffling softly.

"You only have one soul, Kisuke. There is no you and him. There are just memories, differences in nurturing, the core being of Mizuno Kisuke is the same core in Urahara Kisuke. You're not going to be lost to him, Kisuke. You are him. A younger, gentler version, yes; but still ultimately Urahara.

"Yes, remembering will change you. You'll be getting hundreds of years worth of memories, lifetimes of experience and knowledge, all that is bound to change a person. But it only changes you the way you would have been changed if it had been you living those things.

"The core does not change. You are still you - still him - and pretending you aren't just tears both of you apart," whispered Isshin, holding Kisuke close, practically able to feel the blonde weighing and evaluating everything he'd said.

"And Ichigo? He loves him so much and I don't...I'll never be...not exactly...I can't be just a stand-in for him! I can't!" Isshin shared a look with Ryuuken, trying to translate the mangled sobbing into something sensible.

"You are going to have to accept that Kurosaki Ichigo loves you, Kisuke. Some of that is certainly carry over of his devotion for Urahara; but what makes you think that he couldn't love you? Your soul is Urahara's soul, he fell in love with that soul once, is it so hard to believe that he would do so again?" demanded Ryuuken gently.

"I know he's a Shinigami, but I'm sure the boy has a few good points to recommend him," remarked the Quincy dryly. And as Kisuke burst into laughter Isshin thought he just might hug Ryuuken.
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A Shadow of What Was