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Tortured Soul	By : Lord_Xusecer Category: Bleach > Yaoi - Male/Male > Renji/Ichigo Views: 3064 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own bleach or any of it contents. I do not profit from it or make any money in any way, shape or from.

Chapter List
- 6
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- 8
Chapter 6

How the hell was I going to explain this to them? It was horrible never had I seen that in my life. Sure the battles and wars we fought were bad, but nothing like this. I could not come to terms with what I saw. That is when I heard Rukia followed me out. She had that look on her face, like she knew what I was going through. I guess she really did in a way. She along with Ukitate Taichou watched as Kiaen Shiba literally threw his life away for the sake of his pride. But that was different, it wasn't her fault. This was my fault. I should have never left him there. I should have never assumed. And look at the cost? He is almost... No! I refuse to think this way, he a fighter a survivor he'll get through this right? Kuchiki Tachiuco couldn't bring him down, Hell Kenpachi couldn't either. He is one of the strongest people I know. So I refuse to believe that this would bring him down.

"Renji, seriously are you going answer me or not?" she asked kind of pushy. Really that was starting to irritate me to no end. Can she not see that I'm dealing with this, that I have no idea what to tell them? That I had no idea what to tell myself? All I keep thinking is will he make it. How can I ever make it up to him? How will I explain this to his sister or his father?

There were mixed emotions flowing all through the shop, as everyone watched in anticipation. More eyes were on me than watching the door that was closed where Ichigo was. They were watching to see if I would lose it. I was close too, but the more I thought about it the more I thought about him too. If I was going to be there for him then I had to keep it together, and most of all have hope. I also had to be strong. Worrying was only making worse for the rest of them.

I wanted to kill who or whatever did this to him. That flicker of emotion showed through when I had left to go outside. I looked back, and it seemed that Rukia changed her approach. She caught the look on my face. I knew she knew that I gave that look. It was because of the way her mouth twitched. It was like she was going to say something and then didn't. I think she knew I didn't know what to say. I think she also knew I was hurting too. I know I said I would explain everything when I got back. What was there really to explain? They all seen him, gasping in shock, but they had seen it. They all seen the kimono covered in blood. In fact it was still in my hand. I realized that I was still carrying it. I looked at it when the horror of what I saw flashed back. I was merely deciding what I was going to do with it. But what I saw it caused me to shutter as I shook my head. It drew even more silence, which is when I just dropped it. There was nothing more to do with that I could come up with. To make worse that damn vision of Ichigo was still in my head. I never wanted to never see anything like that again. I never wanted him to go through that again. It killed me to see him hang in the fringe of life and death. He didn't deserve that. He wanted to give it up all on his own to save something dear to him. Why should someone have that power to force it out of him? That alone wasn't right.

"Renji," I heard her say in here most sincere voice. "I'm sorry I really Am." I could not believe it, she was actually sympathizing. That alone drug me back to reality, and I didn't even think she had in her. I thought that Kuchiki Taichou's coldness had rubbed on her completely. She walked up and hugged me. That was also odd. It was one thing to sympathize, but another for Rukia to show her emotions. That wasn't way of the mighty Kuchiki clan. I was just glad to see that Kuchiki Tachico's coldness didn't rub completely off on her.

When he was gone it was like a complete coldness brushed over me. It felt like I had died inside, like I lost everything. When I touched him, found him, which was the warmest I felt since he was gone. It was good to be embraced by Rukia as well. But it would be even better if I was embraced by Ichigo, returning the feelings I had for him back.

"I found him, Rukia…" I found myself starting. It just slipped out for some reason. Like it was building up on my chest and I had to say something anything. She just looked at me giving the look of encouragement. "I found him… in the forest… I paused as the memories flashed back again, but I had to continue. They all wanted answers. Even if what I provided was nothing they wanted to know. The world had evils, bigger evils than I originally thought. For the one that did that to him was as evil as they come. She looked and didn't say anything.

"I followed the scent of blood when I entered the forest." I continued shuttering with each recall I made. "It got stronger when I approached him. That didn't even come close to what I saw on him." She looked at me with those concerned eyes again. I couldn't look at them I was too embarrassed and too full with emotion to look up. "He was in pool of his blood, Rukia, in his own blood. There were drag marks left leading to where they dumped him. I could see the blood in those marks. He was dumped there Rukia, Left there with the intention of no one finding him!" I just stopped. The thoughts that were running through my head of what could have possibly happened to him were vivid and quite disturbing. Rukia just listened, nodding with every statement. It was a non-judging look but I could tell she had more questions, questions that I didn't have the answers to. I know they thought that I should have more answers; I was the one that found him for god sake.

"He had so many stab wounds, and the blood coming out everywhere from them. What got me was the smell of sex. No I should say rape." She just gasped at my realization.

"Renji!" I knew she wanted to yell. It was hard to look at her like that. The striking realization from her, from everyone really was hard to take. I blamed myself for all of this. If I had done what she said, this would have never happened. He would be safe, not laying there on the brink of death with everyone waiting around like we were waiting for his funeral service. I was desperately hoping it wouldn't come to that, I really was.

"It was all over him, dried on even. I could see the dirt, sweat, blood, and even seamen on him. He was left there naked for god sakes, left to die without a second thought or care." When I finished that thought I was ready to punch out a wall. I wanted to wail on anything really. Anything would have been good so I could do to take my mind off of it. I was worried about Ichigo, as I desperately prayed for him to survive this. I wanted to see that scowl again, even if it was for a smart remark I made to him. I just wanted to see him alive again, was that too much to ask for?

I saw Urahara come into the room after he settled everything with Ichigo, Orihemi, and Tessai. I guessed that the healing was proceeding. I knew from the extent of his injuries, that it was going to take a while. He withdrew to his seat with his usual look, as I watched him. Did he really intend on making someone ask what was going on, if was he ok? So I asked him, rather shortly and impatiently.

"Is he going to be alright?" I asked him looking at him with a genuinely concerned look. This was my love he had in his hands even if he was not a part of it directly. He just looked over and gave me that look, that look he always gave when presented with the unknown.

"It's too early for anything definitive yet." I just looked at him when he said that, as it didn't help one bit. In fact he just made it worse by saying I could feel the fear creeping up along with the guilt. "We all know he's a fighter until the end, he will pull through it. Just trusting in him is all we can do for him now." I heard him say that and I just hung my head. Why for once couldn't he just lie to us a little, give us hope. I realized that it was Urahara were talking about he doesn't know how to lie. Only riddle the truth up to make you work for the answer yourself. Still he tried to reassure us for whatever that was worth, and that is all we can ask for I guess.

I just couldn't handle it anymore, the waiting. It is one thing to wait, but another when the person you loves life was on the line. I knew it was going to be a matter of time, that there was nothing I could do. It still didn't help. I wanted to be in there with him, to help him through it. I knew I couldn't be, and that simply killed me to be left here waiting and hoping that I would be lucky enough, that he would be lucky enough to survive this. It was an insurance that Orihemei was in there with him, which he was in good hands. I knew that with her in there, that everything would be done or exhausted before she would give up. That helped me through this to know that she was just as concerned with this as I was that she wouldn't give up either.

I just looked away from the door and from everyone as I made back inside of the room. I found and open space, and just sat down. I didn't care where it was. I sat there and putting my head in my hands. I knew there was nothing more I could do, and it hurt that much more to realize that. Rukia made it over to me and place her hand on my shoulder, I looked at her.

"Renji…" she said "I know it's bad, but you have to know it's not your fault. There was no way you could have known that was going to happen. Maybe it could have been prevented; maybe it could have been you instead of him." She looked at me trying, even though this was not her strong suit, to comfort me. "We will never know that for sure, or know if it could have been avoided. All you can do now is promise him that you will never let it happen to him again, and be there for him when he recovers.

"Really can I Rukia. I let him down once." I said as I looked down to the floor again.

"Renji, look at me." she shook me until I looked at her, I seen that she was one step from slapping me silly. "Do you love him or not!" I just looked up at her; she said that like she needed to be convinced. Hell maybe I needed to be convinced. I know that I do love him, but can I say for sure that I can guarantee his protection? Can I even say for sure that I can be there for him when he needs the most? But I knew the answer to her question, I knew deep down from the first day I meet him. We sort of connected somewhat, even though it felt like he was hiding something from me. So I answered her question as reassuringly as I could

"Yes, I do."

"Then show him, promise him that you will never let it happened to him again Renji. It's just that simple. Don't worry about the other things they will work out in the end, I promise." She finished as I got up, and everyone looked at me.

"I'm sorry everyone this was my fault, but I promise to fix it, whatever it takes." I said as I looked at Rukia and looked at both Chad and Uryuu.

"Rukia, can you please come with me, I have to tell his family." I said as I looked at her with fear in my eyes. This is not what I want to do, but I will own up to it and I will fix this no matter what.

"Renji no, we'll do it you just stay here." I heard her say as she looked at me with those eyes telling me to listen to her. But I couldn't, I needed to fix this, I needed to take the responsibility and tell his family. I could have prevented it, so you could say I did just as much to him as the person who did that to him.

"No Rukia!" I said, "This is my fault and I will fix it, starting with his family. I will do whatever it takes, and then prove that I will protect him no matter what." I had the fierce determination in my eyes as I looked at the door. "Promise me the minute it's done that you tell me." I said looking at both of them. They just nodded and I continued out the door.

~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~

We made it to Ichigo house, Rukia and I hesitated as I finally built up the courage to knock on the door. His kid sister Yuzu answered the door, and it was clear that she had been crying, and was worried sick about her brother. I couldn't look at her anymore, I knew it was rude but the guilt was building up even more.

"You found him didn't you?" she asked, and all I could do was nod to answer her. My throat lumped up as the fear and nervousness took over.

"Yuzu where Karin and Mr. Kurosaki" I head Rukia say as she touched her on the shoulder trying to comfort her. Rukia was always better at this then I was.

"There inside, Karin is in her room and Dad is…" I looked at her as I noticed something wasn't quite right. I had the feeling like I was missing a very important piece of the puzzle. I couldn't put my finger on it, just like I couldn't figure out that feeling I felt in that dead section of town we went to when we went looking for Ichigo. I ignored it for the time being, but I still was conscious of it. Now wasn't the time to question it or ask anything regarding it? We were here to tell them about Ichigo, to tell them we found him alive but barely.

We walked in as Yuzu told us to wait, and we sat down on the sofa. She went upstairs and got both Mr. Kurosaki and Karin. She found and brought them both down stairs. I looked like she had woken up Mr. Kurosaki up from a hell of a night and I smelled something vinegar like smell when he came in the room. I just looked at him as it looked like he was not quite with it, or that he was too wasted to even know what was what.

"I sorry…" I began as I put my head down. "I found Ichigo in the woods, he was…" I stopped I had no idea what to say. I didn't know how to put so it didn't sound so nasty. I didn't want to put worse things in his sister's minds. The world was evil and they were too young to learn what those evils were.

"We found him close to death" I heard Rukia say as I looked up at her. "He was attacked by something and left in the woods by the resort. We have him over at Urahara's shop getting treated for him wounds. I imagine tomorrow you can see for a while." She finished. It was allot more pleasant than what I would have said. She got most of it and didn't even go into detail of what really happened. I was impressed that she was able to do that, but still it didn't stop his sisters from insisting that they wanted to see him now.

"No one can yet…" Rukia explained as I looked at Mr. Kurosaki who now seemed like he was eyeing me suspiciously. I got the feeling that he didn't approve of me, that I was a threat to something. I also go the feeling that he was controlling. I could see in his eyes as he glared at me. I immediately wondered if he was the one that did that to Ichigo that day I pulled him into the class room. Something about him made me nervous and conscientious of him, like he was hiding something, but I couldn't prove it. I wanted to ask him right then and there if he was involved in that somehow, and I wanted to accusing him a hurting Ichigo and to threaten him not to do it again, but I knew I couldn't accuse him of anything without proof, and the only one that had that was Ichigo and he wasn't talking.

"He's in recovery getting treated for his wounds; it probably won't be until tomorrow before he awakes." I heard her finish, as I came back to reality. Both of them looked at her like they couldn't believe it, like that couldn't happen to brother. I couldn't help but feel responsible yet again for this, seeing them look at her like that.

"Yuzu, Karin" I heard Mr. Kurosaki say "Please don't worry about him and try to get some sleep tonight. Please now get to bed it late as it is." I hear him say in him most delicate and caring voice. It was like all my suspicions were miss placed; I couldn't tell if I was fake for real. I found myself questioning if he was capable of it or not. "We'll go see him soon, I promise, but now he needs time to recover. Going to see him now will only slow that process down." I heard him explain as both of them seem to understand and reluctantly trudged up the steps. I watched him carefully; even though I was proven wrong it still didn't seem right. That feeling seemed too egged on in the air the longer I stayed there.

When the sound of them disappeared he looked straight at Rukia.

"Now tell me what really happened." He said looking genuinely concerned as he sifted his eyes to me.

"Your son was raped, attacked, and beaten to the brink of almost dying" I said without thinking first, which was probably why Rukia took over for me when the girls were down here. When I finished that statement I could have sworn I seen him smirking. It came and went just as fast. I felt really uncomfortable then when I saw that smirk, and Rukia seemed to not notice or if she did was not giving letting anyone know she did. When I looked again there was that really concerned looking on his face. It was like that smirk was never there.

"Oh no, my boy, How could this have happened!" he said as he moved over to the window and looked out of. He looked genuinely upset and concerned as I again felt guilty for leaving him alone.

"I'm sorry sir, I was supposed to be looking out for him." that all I could manage to get out before having to leave the room. Rukia looked over at me when I turned and headed for the door.

"Please sirs were really sorry, and please excuse Renji…" I heard Rukia say "It's getting rather late too and we should go. We just wanted to tell you what happened for his sake." Before I knew it she was outside and telling me again to calm down, and that it wasn't my fault. I just didn't believe her, and now the guilt was really setting in as I watched all three of them genuinely concerned for him. Well maybe two of them, but still that was enough.

"Common Renji, let go see how he's doing, Maybe he awake now." she said as put her arm around my waist. I knew it would have been around my shoulders if she could reach but I knew she couldn't. I also knew she was doing it to comfort me just like all those other times she had. If it really came down to it she was capable of comfort, but it seemed like she was adopting some of the Kuchiki tactics as well.

~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~

We arrive back at the shop, to see that nothing had changed. It had taken all but three hours to tell his family that he had been attack. I got the feeling that his father was the cause of it, but that changed the moment he was genuine concerned. I didn't know at the point, but I seemed to me that something was off about his father, that he played certain parts well to hide things. I still had no proof of this so I didn't voice my concerns.

I settle in with the rest of them who seemed to make themselves comfortable either on the chairs or the couch. I need I was in for a long night even if he was healed enough. He would have to rest, and that was even if he woke up after that. I scared me that he might not want to wake to deal with it again, that maybe somewhere deep down he wanted to let go of it all. I was not going think that way; in fact I knew he would come back to us. So I settled back into the spot on the couch I sat it and tried to get some sleep. I knew it would be impossible but hell I still have to try at least for him I will.

~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~

I hurt like hell, that all I remember before waking up in this new place. I saw both Shiro and Zangetsu here. This was not right; I chose to leave this all behind. Zangetsu was staring at me like he was disappointed, but it was more of a fear than disappointment. I could see it in his eyes; he was always easy to read. I got up feeling heavy and out of place, like I didn't belong here. I looked down I was no longer in my clothes, but in my kimono. I looked around and saw nothing but a blue crystalline surface that leads to edges that seemed to drop off into nothingness.

I recognized this place, I fought here before. I had to win back Zangetsu from Shiro, but Shiro was nowhere to be seen. I could have sworn that I saw him earlier.

"Looking for me." I heard that voice. There was not mistake it, It came was Shiro. I turned around and I saw him as he laughed that crazy laugh. It sent shiver down my back as I watched him.

"Now, now what's there to be afraid of king, I fought you could handle anything. Did Zangetsu trust the wrong one with his power?" He laughed again as I stood there afraid, I didn't what to do. I reached and couldn't feel Zangetsu on my back, which really scared me; I had nothing to protect myself from Shiro.

"Oh looking for this?" he laughed again, that was really starting to annoy me. "It seems that you are off your game today king. Just relax and I'll make this quick." He said as he lunged at me, and I quickly dogged it rolling out-of-the-way. I got up and faced him.

"Oh what this Got your confidence back have we, or is this just another one of your ploys? I know why we don't ask daddy." I just looked at him. "Oh no, did I hit a nerve, sorry king but today I make the calls not you!" He lunged it was faster than last time as he caught me. I gagged as he had me by the throat. Je was cocking me, as I tried to break free.

"I knew it, it just another ploy, a game. I can't believe that he chose you over me." His sick breath made me want to throw up as I tried harder to loosen his grip. I quickly found that I couldn't, that I lacked the strength to.

"Just give up, you're worthless. I have Zangetsu, and I have the power. What do you have to hang on to, oh wait nothing?" I looked down as I was hanging over the edge. I gasp as it tried to free myself so I could recover before falling. His grip on my neck tightened as he acted like he was going to drop me.

"Oh no, King might die, he on the verge again. Somebody save him from Me." he mocked with that condescending look of concern on his face. I looked at him again, and the rage in my eyes just flared. How dare he mock me I thought?

"What nothing to say, no please don't or a demand to put you down." He said as he looked into my eyes trying to induce fear.

"I will not give you the satisfaction." I said as I looked him straight in the eyes. I was not going to let him break me into submission. I am better than that, stronger than that. I am stronger than he ever will be, and I will prove it to him.

"Ouch, you wound me. The mighty Ichigo spoke an insult. What wait you're still here, oh that must mean…" he stopped just smiling at me.

"There is no one left to save you now is there. Renji gone king, your friends abandoned you. You are all alone here there is no one going to save you now. You know what you are mine now, and you know it." He laughed in my face, that sick breath making me gage again as I looked at him with that piercing look.

"I know that what you're thinking. He has been there before. They have been there before" I heard that snide in his voice. I hated it. I hated him. I wanted it all to go away. I just glared at him as I looked him straight in the eye. I was not going to let him control me like this.

"You think you have it don't you. You think that you can kill me here." I told him as I grabbed Zangetsu from his hands. He let go of me and grabbed it with both hands. The edge that I was hanging over disappeared as we were both standing on the crystalline structure again, and I battled him trying pulling it out of his hands.

"You think you're worth it, I want you to prove it." I told Shiro as he looked at me, his eyes widened as the Zangetsu slide out his hands and into mine. "Now I will show you how worthless I really am." I yelled as I lunged to him he just dogged it and laughed.

"So the king remains the king, I see then. Maybe you earned it back this time, but trust me I will always be there watching you. Slip up again and I will be there to rock your throne King, so watch yourself." He vanished as he gave that god awful laugh he had, and I looked at Zangetsu. He appeared to be pleased with what I did. He had that glint of approval in his eyes.

"You have a lot to learn Ichigo." He said as he jumped down from the sword that he was standing on. "I'm happy that you remembered you have it in you. Why might I ask can you not show it when it counts." I just looked at him. I knew what he was talking about. He wanted to know why I was letting my father push me around like that, and I still wondered that same thing today. Maybe because part of me still thinks the real him is in there somewhere lost, just like I am with Shiro. I don't know, but something in me wanted to from the time I was born to save it all and everyone no matter what. I guess I wanted to be a hero, a savior.

"I want to trust you, I do, but I will not stand idly by while you allow him to do this. You are my concern, what I want is for you to succeed, to live. How can I do that when you refuse to allow me to help?" I hung my head in shame. I knew I had failed him, and that he had a point. He was my power that was a part of me just as much as I was a part of him. We are connected even though he is my weapon. I knew from the time I told my father that I wouldn't do it anymore that I was shunning another part of me and submitting further to his control.

"Ichigo you didn't fail me. You proved to me that you have what it takes to wield me, just remember to never let your resolve waver. I want to help you; I want you to prove to him that you will not let him rule your life." He said as I looked up at him. I knew he chose me yet again, and I know he believes in me. I do not believe in myself however, how can I even stand up to him? I know it not his fault but still, that somewhere inside of him he still loves us all enough to try to break it, but he fails at it and resorts to what bring that monster out of him.

"How can I, as much as I hate him, I still love him." I asked as I looked at him. I want to know why he still believes in me, when I didn't.

"Just love who he was, not what he has become. He can't be saved Ichigo as much as you want to. It's become too dangerous for you to stay and try. I know you want to, but I cannot protect you from him if you chose to stay." I knew he was right, as much as I wanted to stay and try I knew it would be the death of me. I just glad he understood why I did it, why I endured all of his shit. Even though I had no place to go I still wanted to be there for him and my sisters, even though I hate the monster that comes out when he drinks.

"I am sorry, but I thought that if I…" I stopped as he interrupted me.

"No, you can't. He has made you give up too much, your friends, your life, and now your power to protect them. When is it going to stop, when he succeeds in finally killing you? Please tell me you will stand up to him and I will help you if you say the word. Trust me Ichigo, you know I have been there the whole way never have I left your side. If I am to trust you, you have to trust me in return.

"Thank you Zangetsu, but..." He cut me off again. I think he knew my doubts, as he tried to keep them from being voice. That was his way of telling me I could do it.

"There are no buts, someone else care too." I just looked at him with that looked at him out of confusion. Who could it be? It can't be Renji can it? I know we sort of connected when I hung with him in the soul society, but that was brief and even then I held him at a distance. It's not possible I tried so hard to separate everyone from my life, to keep them out of it, to protect myself and them from my father.

"Ichigo its Renji." he said as he looked at me with one of his serious looks. "He saved you from death, and I felt his love when he did." I heard Zangetsu clarify as he looked at me, as I could tell he wasn't lying. He never once lied to me. He always told me the truth no matter how grim it was. The fact that he still believes in me shocks me because of how far I fell in my personal hell, and how far I fell from him trust. Still I couldn't believe it, that Renji actually liked me like that. How can he like someone as broke as I am? It's not possible. He wouldn't want a rape victim, someone who has been violated by men for money. Besides I do not have that resolve I once had, as my father took it from me when I came back. He made sure to break it back down to nothing. I'm just his shell of the person who he came to know when I was in the Soul Society. Apparently Zangetsu doesn't think so, and I guess Renji doesn't either, if he saves me from that hell. They all think it's still there, but I beg to differ with both.

"Ichigo give him a chance at least, we can help you if you let us." I just stood there dumb struck. What was I supposed to do? I couldn't admit I had feelings for him, not until I was free from my father. If my father found out he would try to kill us both. Even though I was willing to ignore and distance myself from them, I still cared deeply for each and every one of them. I still care for Renji, and I do like him enough to admit that I would not mind going out with him or being with him. I would not let him be subjected to my father. I would never let that happen, and he would have to get over my dead body to try. If my father ever laid a finger on Renji or my sisters I would kill the bastard right where he stood.

"Just think about it, and considered it. You do not have to go back to your father. I know you still care for your sisters, but he has proven that he will not hurt them. It's you he wants to torture and break, and what he thinks justifies his actions are not fair or correct in the least. I want you to realize this now, before you go back. Just trust us, for once and let us help you. We are interested in your well-being, and Renji wants to show that he cares for you like I do. Let your friends in as well, all they want to do is help. They have been there for you since the beginning, and they still will be even through the worst. I think they have proven that when you went to save her." I just couldn't believe it as the crystalline changed back to darkness. I fell in a deep sleep once again. It was a numbing sleep that pushed me into a dream world. I knew that I was back in my body, not in that world inside my head. Shiro was gone too; somehow I knew that I would not hear from him for a while now. As much as my father scares me, Shiro is my nightmare he scares me far more than my father ever will.

A/N: 8/17/12

Well, well isn't this a turn of events. I know I told you guys it would get better, but I sort of fibbed, haha. Poor Renji though and Poor Ichigo. Renji's there now so it will be alright, or will it be dun dun dun. I guess you're going to have to wait and see aren't you. :).

Also I want to give a quick thank you to everyone who has read this so far, who reviewed, who followed, and who favorite this story. Also I can't forget the ones that read and did one or all the mentioned. Thank you so much, you mean everything to me and are what keep this story going. I also wanted to say that you guys are what made want to make this deadline at all costs, so I finished this chapter in time through all the bullshit I had this week. Thank you all again and I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. :) LDX

The next update will be either the first or second Friday of September. No Promises though. Life can be a bitch as it is now for me, but I'm hoping to have my schedule clear to work on the next chapter for this. Thanks again for being patience LDX

Revise and update as of 8/20/12.

I correct a lot of the errors in here. Hopefully it better than the last version, and less jarring.
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Tortured Soul