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Underneath It All	By : Raceysama Category: Bleach > Yaoi - Male/Male > Grimmjow/Ichigo Views: 4160 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 2
Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach, any of the songs mentioned are not my own, nor do I make any profit from these works......

Chapter List
- 6
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CHAPTER 7: BLINDED

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach or the song mentioned...

Onwards...

XOXOXOXO

Hey, slow it down

Whataya want from me?

Whataya want from me?

Yeah, I'm afraid

Whataya want from me?

Whataya want from me?

There might have been a time when I would give myself away

Oh, once upon a time, I didn't give a damn

But now, here we are, so whataya want from me?

Whataya want from me?

Just don't give up, I'm workin' it out

Please don't give in, I won't let you down

It messed me up, need a second to breathe

Just keep comin' around

Hey, whataya want from me?

Whataya want from me?

Whataya want from me?

Yeah, it's plain to see

That baby you're beautiful,

And there's nothin' wrong with you

It's me

I'm a freak, yeah

But thanks for lovin' me

'Cause you're doin' it perfectly

Yeah, there might have been a time

When I would let you slip away

I wouldn't even try

But I think you could save my life

Just don't give up, I'm workin' it out

Please don't give in, I won't let you down

It messed me up, need a second to breathe

Just keep comin' around

Hey, whataya want from me?

Whataya want from me?

Whataya want from me?

Whataya want from me?

Whataya want from me?

Just don't give up on me

I won't let you down

No, I won't let you down

And so just don't give up, I'm workin' out

Please don't give in, I won't let you down

It messed me up, need a second to breathe

Just keep comin' around

Hey, whataya want from me?

Just don't give up, I'm workin' it out

Please don't give in, I won't let you down

It messed me up, need a second to breathe

Just keep comin' around

Hey, whataya want from me?

-Adam Lambert-

XOXOXOXO

Karakura Town

April 2008

Rukia aimlessly strolled down the street, quietly fuming, kicking at stray pebbles that dared cross her path. Renji was getting worse. His nightmares were becoming a daily thing, and he was pulling away from her more and more with each passing day. She had no idea how to reach him, and it frustrated her on so many fucking levels, because...she loved him. She loved him so much, it physically hurt, but he was so caught up in his grief over the loss of his friendship with Ichigo, that he barely acknowledged her anymore.

She made her way into a deserted park, ambling past a dilapidated set of swings, rusted monkey bars, and a leaning slide. She spotted a wooden bench near a merry-go-round, and plopped onto it, hanging her head as she did.

She missed the Renji that had asked her out Christmas Eve of 2004. The Renji that used to kiss her and hold her, telling her how much she meant to him. Two, fat tears rolled down her cheeks, dripped from her chin, and landed on her khaki capri pants, the stain slowly spreading outwards, as her tears began to fall in earnest.

Renji was a ghost, a mere shell of the boy he used to be, and it ate at her. She, not only didn't recognize him, but was reluctantly becoming aware of the fact that Renji didn't love her anymore. If he did, he had a strange way of showing it. Their relationship had become nothing more than a farce, with her clinging to the hope of him snapping out of whatever it was that he was going through.

Rukia had even tried to help him, but that had only resulted in him further withdrawing from her, and none of this would be happening if Ichigo wasn't gay. Rukia had an idea of why Renji despised gays, from the mutterings of his nightmares. Once he had even called out a man's name, afterwards claiming he didn't want to kiss "that", because it was wrong.

All she could do was assume from that point on, since Renji refused to talk to her about it. Hell, he barely even looked at her, let alone talking, but...she couldn't leave him. Especially the way he was now. She'd be driven mad with guilt and regret, knowing she had deserted him at a time that he obviously needed her the most, even if he couldn't see it.

Rukia scrunched her eyes closed tightly, digging the heels of her hands into them. How was this fair? Why wouldn't Renji just talk to her? She could help him, she was sure of it, but he just needed to trust her, instead of pushing her away. Even Ikkaku and Kira noticed his increasingly odd behavior, having come to her asking if everything was alright.

What could she say...except "yes"?

Just because she had an inkling of what the red-haired man was going through, it didn't justify telling others, friends or not.

Friends.

Rukia felt her chest tighten, and her stomach clench painfully, as memories of her old friends washed over her, drowning her in pain and regret.

Orihime...Tatsuki...Ishida...Chad...

XOXOXOXO

Second Year

Karakura High School

July 2005

Summer Break

The doorbell echoed persistently throughout the massive mansion, demanding it's summons be answered that very moment. Where the hell was Ide? He normally answered the door before the bell could even finish it's chiming.

Rukia sighed heavily, treading none too lightly through the sitting room, and into the foyer. She wrenched the door open, only to stumble backwards from an armful of sobbing red head.

Alarm coursed through her, as they tumbled to the floor, landing in an undignified heap. Renji clung to her like a wet leaf, shaking and crying uncontrollably, and damn was he heavy.

"Renji! What the hell is going on?"

She didn't know why she'd expected an answer from the red head in his state, but...he was scaring the hell out of her. Renji had never been anything but a loud, abrasive idiot with a kind heart, so to see him broken in such a manner was disturbing, to say the least.

"Renji!" she tried again.

He just continued to weep brokenly, making Rukia's eyes tear up as well. What the hell could have hurt him so badly?

She rolled them into a sitting position, then stood, trying to get Renji to his feet. It was useless. He was just too big, and way too heavy to be lifted alone, especially by her.

"Renji, let's go somewhere more private, and you can tell me what happened then," she urged, as she caught sight of Ide finally rounding the corner.

Renji's sobs had calmed, but only a little. He was still hiccupping pitifully, and tears continued to track down his face, as he glanced up at her with sad russett-colored eyes.

"Y-yeah," he croaked, and slowly climbed to his feet.

Rukia grabbed his hand, leading him away from the foyer, and up the stairs to her bedroom, where they could have some privacy. She loved Ide like an uncle, but he was rather loyal to her older brother, and had no qualms going to him with EVERYTHING.

Once inside her room, she turned, locked the door, then steered a stiff Renji to the bed. He sat heavily, sighing in the same fashion, as he stared listlessly at his hands that rested in his lap. Rukia settled beside him, trying to wait patiently for him to speak.

After what seemed like hours, Renji sniffed loudly, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand, then turned his haunted gaze to her.

"Ichigo is gay," was all he stated, and quite frankly, it confused her.

Actually, she had suspected as much, when Ichigo started hanging out with that older blond boy. She didn't think that was a reason for Renji to have been sobbing like the apocalypse was upon them. Of course, she knew that Renji had a problem with the blond, but she thought it was because he was so...in-your-face.

Taking one glance at Renji, though, she decided to keep her mouth shut, and just wait for the rest of the tale. She wasn't going to risk their relationship over one dumb statement.

"I fuckin' walked in on him gettin'...gettin' his dick sucked by that idiot Keigo. Then when I left, h-he chased me...touched me," Renji shuddered, but continued. "Told me he was gay. I-I couldn't believe it! I still can't! H-he told me he wasn't! He lied to me! My best fuckin' friend, a goddamned fag!"

Rukia cocked her head to the side, and studied her boyfriend. Why did Renji hold such distaste for being gay? Her thoughts were cut off when he kept speaking.

"Then-then I told him we weren't friends anymore, a-and he hit me! The fucker hit me! I'll kill him! How? How could he betray me like that?"

Renji had gone quiet again, leaving Rukia to her baffling thoughts, as she climbed to her knees, and circled a small arm around his wide shoulders. It was all she could do. She really wanted to ask Renji why the hell he would stop speaking to his own best friend, but fear stilled her tongue. She'd liked Renji ever since she'd first met him, the like growing into love over time, and now that she finally had him, she was reluctant to let go.

"Renji, I-I don't understand," she said softly, as she pressed her lips to his temple. "Why would Ichigo lie to you?"

"'Cause he's not just a queer, he's a fuckin' coward too!" he snarled, making chills rush down her spine.

Renji was so angry, angrier than she had ever seen him, and it was scary. Dread began filling her petite form, as she realized the implications. If she wanted to stay with Renji, then she would have to stop talking to Ichigo, as well. That, itself, wasn't really a bad thing, since she and Ichigo were more acquaintances than friends. She had been the one to keep their friendship cold and distant, because of her jealousy. She didn't like the way Ichigo had monopolized Renji's time, or the way he seemed to mean more to the red head than she did.

That didn't mean she wanted to alienate Ichigo, because that would mean she would lose her other friends. Orihime and Tatsuki, Ishida and Chad. The girls were like her sisters, and to lose them would be hard on her, probably harder than anything she had ever done.

Then her eyes lighted on Renji's, and her heart and resolve hardened. She would follow him into hell if he asked her to.

XOXOXOXO

Second Year

Karakura High School

September 2005

"YOU FUCKIN' BITCH!" Tatsuki screamed at her.

Rukia curled up in a ball on the ground, as Tatsuki kicked her in her side. God, the pain! She knew the girl was strong, but this was ridiculous! She just knew she had a broken rib or something!

But she deserved it. Every little bit of this beating, she would take, and pray that she survived, because she deserved it.

Chad had been the first to find out about her and Renji's rejection of Ichigo and his lifestyle. She, Renji and their two friends, Ikkaku and Kira, had been out for a walk, when they'd spotted Ichigo walking across the street. Without warning, Renji had taken off towards the orange-haired boy, catching him off guard, and completely overwhelming him. It hadn't stopped there, because seconds later, Ikkaku and Kira joined him.

All she had done was watch wordlessly.

Then, out of nowhere, Chad appeared and peeled the three zealous boys off of Ichigo, giving herself and Renji a murderous glare with his visible eye. He hadn't said anything; he'd just helped Ichigo to his feet, and the two of them walked off into the distance, Chad supporting the orange-haired teen.

Rukia knew right then that their friendship was dead. All that needed to be done was the spreading of the news. Once it had, her world turned upside down. She, Renji, Ikkaku and Kira had been walking home together after school, when she had been kicked square between the shoulder blades, and sent skidding to the ground.

Before the others could act, they had been subdued by Ishida, Chad, and the blond, whose name she soon found was Shinji. They were pissed off, and it showed, but what scared Rukia the most was the look on Tatsuki's face, as she glared down at her.

Her teeth were bared in a fierce snarl, her brows drawn together in a deep scowl, and her nostrils flared wide, as she fisted her hands at her sides. Orihime stood beside her looking disappointed and pissed, all at the same time.

"What the fuck?" Tatsuki yelled. "What. The. Fuck? You pathetic pieces of garbage! All of you! But you two," she pointed at Rukia and Renji, "are worse than garbage! You're scum! Fuckin'-fuckin'...diseased rats!" she shrieked, eyes wild, and utterly terrifying.

"Tatsuki-chan," Orihime soothed, but Tatsuki was beyond reparation, as she shrugged away Orihime's outstretched hand.

"Fuck that! You were his fuckin' friends! And-and because he's GAY, you turned into a bunch of pussies and jumped him? What's next, ya gonna jump me too? I'm GAY! Gonna kick my head in? Fuckin' cowards! Weaklings! You know one-on-one, Ichigo would stomp mudholes in all a'yer asses!" Tatsuki fumed.

"Fuck you!" Renji snapped, but Shinji elbowed him in the mouth.

"Shut the fuck up, prick. Be glad I don't kill you for what you did to Ichi," he said calmly. Quietly. Deadly.

"And you!" Tatsuki pointed at Rukia, making her cringe. "You sat back and watched your boyfriend beat the shit outta our friend?" her voice heavy on the sarcasm at the word "boyfriend". "YOU FUCKIN' BITCH!"

Rukia's side was suddenly assaulted by Tatsuki's well-trained foot. She curled up in a tight ball, covering her head with her arms, as she anticipated the next blow, but...it never came. She peeked through the space between her elbows to see Orihime with her arms wrapped around an irate Tatsuki's waist, eyes wide with fear.

"Tatsuki-chan! Please, stop! They're not worth it!" she cried.

Tatsuki paused, then stood still as she glared bloody murder at Rukia. Rukia cringed again, but kept her eyes open.

"I'm going overseas for competitions, so I won't be back until the start of college, but...if I come back and hear you did something else to Ichigo while I was away, you'll have to deal with me, Rukia, and you don't want that," Tatsuki stated deadly serious.

After that, they all shoved off, leaving a bloody-faced Renji, and pissed off Ikkaku and Kira in their wake. Rukia was just glad that she had escaped with her face, as well as her body, in tact. She knew life was only going to get more complicated as time went on. At this, she glanced at Renji to see him absolutely livid. Make that extremely complicated.

XOXOXOXO

Karakura Town

April 2008

How right she had been. Her love for Renji kept her by his side, but things had gotten out of control rather quickly. The funny thing was, she didn't feel any remorse for beating Ichigo the way they did; she actually felt better at those times. Renji's deterioration was his fault as it was, and she was happier knowing Ichigo was paying for what he did.

Although the repercussions of her actions had been rather severe. Especially with her brother. She remembered the look of disappointment he wore when he found out what she had been a part of, and the reasons for her involvement. Then he had gone on to reveal to her his sexual orientation by introducing her to his lover, Kenpachi Zaraki. What a mind-blower that had been.

Byakuya then kicked her out, claiming that she had no place in his home if she hated his preference. That was when she had moved in with Renji. She'd been hurt and depressed for weeks, but eventually moved on.

Rukia rose from the hard bench, and started off in the direction of her and Renji's apartment. She didn't really want to go back. Hell, they didn't even sleep in the same room anymore.

XOXOXOXO

Karakura Town

April 2008

Ichigo felt a lot better-well, not really a lot-but better, at any rate. He refused to sit around moping, pining for a man that had no clue of his feelings, and even if he did, it wouldn't matter one bit because the man was straight. It was frustrating, but he would survive this, and move the hell on. It was his only option.

That night, after he and Shinji had left the club, he'd made a promise to himself. Stay the fuck away from straight men. Shinji had torn into him, cursing him out, and yelling that he'd brought it on himself, which was true, but how the hell was he supposed to know things would turn out that badly? Seriously.

Ichigo had dealt with the verbal-and sometimes physical-abuse, until Shinji got tired and left, calling it a night.

Ichigo immersed himself in his online classes, and had even gotten a pretty decent job. Well, as far as pay went, anyway. He worked as a manager in a video game store, and no, he didn't even have experience as one, but the owner, Kisuke Urahara, had insisted he take the position, explaining to him that it was "easy as pie"-whatever that meant.

So, he had, and he had to admit, it really was easy, not to mention fun. He got to test all the newest games in order to be able to recommend or not recommend certain games to the customers.

It helped pass the time, as well as take his mind off of a certain blue-haired man. Grimmjow had been calling him almost every other day, but Ichigo ignored his calls. He was well aware of the glaring fact, that he was unable to be the man's friend, and nothing else. He would always want more, and since that wasn't going to happen, he would stay away.

Grimmjow was a persistent bastard, though.

So many times, Ichigo had just wanted to answer the calls and be done with it, but that would only set him back. Hearing his voice would certainly do him in, and start him right back on that self-destructive path. No, thank you. That was precisely the reason Ichigo deleted all of Grimmjow's messages without bothering to listen to them.

Shinji had dropped by with the news of a graduation party, and had asked him if he wanted to go, but when Ichigo asked if Grimmjow would be there, he declined upon receiving an affirmative answer. He definitely wasn't ready to see the man, and he just knew if he had gone, the blue-haired man would've made it his business to corner him, until he had spoken.

It also hadn't escaped him that Grimmjow had purchased a building in the downtown area. Renovations had begun for the new place, and it was obvious that he was keeping his word about owning a club. Whether he still intended for it to be for the gay crowd, had yet to be seen.

A sudden knocking drew Ichigo from his musings, and for a minute, he just stared at the door, before finally going to open it. Once he did, his mouth fell open in delighted shock.

"Tatsuki!" he shouted, making the raven-haired girl wince through a smile.

"In the flesh."

She closed the space between them, and gave Ichigo a tight hug. He didn't mind. She was one of his closest friends, and he hadn't seen her since she'd left to go compete overseas, almost two years ago. She pulled away from him, and stepped into the apartment, as he shut the door.

"When did you get back?" he asked, taking a seat on the love seat, while she sat on the couch.

"Yesterday. Thought I'd come give ya a holler. How has everything been?"

The look she was giving him told him that she was aware of the ongoing bullshit with Renji and the other three. She wasn't happy either. He shifted in his spot, and averted his gaze. Tatsuki's stern face was pretty scary.

"Ichigo," she prodded, and he huffed out an exasperated sigh.

"It's fine, Tatsuki. I haven't even seen them since October. Well, no, I beat the shit outta Ikkaku in February, but other than that...nothing. So, don't worry about it."

"Like hell! I told Rukia I would beat her every shade of black and blue if she touched you again!" she hissed. Ichigo gave her a blank stare.

"Why, thanks for the vote of confidence, Tatsuki. That makes me feel so much better," he said dryly.

"Oh, can it, Kurosaki! Ya know you're not hittin' a girl. Now me, on the other hand, that's my specialty."

Tatsuki grinned, making the hairs on the back of Ichigo's neck stand up. That was why she was so fucking scary.

XOXOXOXO

Karakura Town

April 2008

Grimmjow was seated on his terrace, smoking a cigarette, and thinking about Ichigo. It had been this way since that night at the club, and he feared he had become...god, he hated thinking it...but it was true. He was fucking obsessed with the orange-haired boy. He angrily stabbed the cigarette into the ashtray beside him, and immediately lit up again.

How had it come to this, you ask?

That night had been an eye-opener for him in several ways. He had realized how beautiful-yes, he said beautiful, don't judge him-Ichigo was. He had never been attracted to another man before, but he was definitely attracted to Ichigo. He no longer felt bad for the kid, but he did feel proud. It was obvious from the fight with the bald guy, that Ichigo could more than take care of himself, and if those cowards hadn't have jumped him, they would have been on the receiving end of that beating in October.

Ichigo plagued his thoughts, confusing him. Did that mean he was gay? He'd never slept with a guy, obviously, so wasn't he still straight? And what the fuck? He wasn't even attracted to men, he was attracted to Ichigo. So, did that still qualify him as being gay? Fuck.

He would never have a chance to figure it out, though, because Ichigo was avoiding him like he was a bill collector, and it pissed him the fuck off.

Grimmjow had left a message inviting Ichigo to his graduation and the party afterwards. He'd even left a message telling Ichigo he was opening his club soon, with the financial help of his dad. Come to think of it, he'd left him countless fucking messages, and the orange-haired kid didn't even have the decency to return his calls. And yet...he still wanted to talk to him. Wanted him.

Grimmjow grimaced, as he stubbed out his second cigarette. He didn't even know who the hell he was anymore, such was the way Ichigo had his head reeling.

More than anything, though, he just wanted to see Ichigo. Maybe if he saw him again, perhaps had a chance to sit and talk to him, then he would be able to sort out his jumbled up thoughts.

Not to mention, even if Ichigo was gay, that didn't mean he would want him. Grimmjow was aware that he was an asshole at times, but he was a good-looking one. At least he thought so. Women did too, but...did Ichigo? Fuck.

Grimmjow left the terrace, re-entering his apartment to see his friends still milling about. Nnoitra and Ulquiorra were seated on the couch next to Szayel, and Stark was sitting next to Hirako on the love seat.

Hirako. That little blond bastard had been the bane of his existence, since that night at the club. Grimmjow had never been on the receiving end of that many death glares in his life, and it was pissing him off.

Hirako never said anything either, he would just openly glare, like he was doing right then. Grimmjow had been on his way to the kitchen for a beer, when something snapped inside of him, and he took it out on the slim blond.

"Why the fuck do you keep lookin' at me like that?" he snarled, standing behind the love seat. Stark shifted to glance back at him.

"Grimm, it's cool," he said tiredly. What?

"No. The fuck. It isn't. What's your problem? You've been extra vaginal since Seireitei," Grimmjow continued.

Suddenly, Hirako was over the back of the love seat, pressing Grimmjow against the wall, wearing a fierce scowl. Grimmjow was no pushover, on top of being all-around bigger than the blond, but Hirako was...oddly strong as shit. The little fucker had his shirt bunched at the collar, as he held him against the wall.

"You're so fuckin' dense, Grimmjow!" Hirako snarled.

"What the fuck is your problem, Hirako? And get the fuck off me!" he snapped, trying to pry the blond's steel-like grip from the front of his shirt. Hirako shoved him against the wall even harder.

"Do you have any idea how long and hard Ichigo has loved you? And you're so fuckin' obtuse, it makes me sick to my stomach!"

Grimmjow couldn't move, couldn't speak, hell, he couldn't even breathe. Ichigo...what? Finally gathering his bearings, he shoved Hirako away from him, and ran a hand through his already disheveled hair, his eyes wide, as he stared down at the floor.

Holy shit. Holy fucking shit. No wonder everytime he saw him, Ichigo was a blundering mess. No wonder Ichigo didn't want to speak to him anymore. He probably felt like Grimmjow had been leading him on with his kindness. And Hal. Oh, shit.

Grimmjow swiped a hand across his mouth, as he frowned. How the fuck could he have been so fucking blind? Why hadn't he seen it? Then something occurred to him, so he turned back to Hirako.

"Yo," he started quietly, "how long?"

Hirako continued glaring, as he shook his head in what could only be disgust, but Grimmjow needed an answer.

"Ichigo has fuckin' loved your idiot ass since junior high! How could you not see that? He-he's gonna kill me, but...he adores you, Grimmjow. He put himself through torture, because, even though he knew you were straight, he still wanted you. I hate seein' him so fuckin' sad. He deserves to be happy too," Hirako ranted.

He was an idiot. A big, fucking idiot.

Grimmjow went to the door, slipping his feet into a pair of old, black and white Converse sneakers, and pulling on a black hoodie.

"Where the fuck're ya goin'?" Nnoitra called.

"Out," he answered, before slipping from the apartment.

Grimmjow rushed to his car, sliding a few times in the pouring rain. Ichigo.
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Underneath It All