Salvation

Chapter 6

Though he had intentioned to keep Tatsuki away permanently, Ichigo still loathed what he had done to make her understand that he wasn't worth saving... not with all of the dirty images he'd had piercing his brain while she had been underneath him. It was rare for him to actually want sex for mutual pleasure. To him it was almost out of neccesity to push away the things he hated about himself, but when Tatsuki had been under his control for that brief moment, he had felt a thrill he had forgotten over the past year.

He had honestly wanted her. Not just for coming, but for her, his own friend. When the realization had come he had wanted to lash out at her in order to save her from himself.

Why would he have such a reaction when touching her? Perhaps it was the familiarity between them or their bond of friendship. She wasn't just a pretty stranger. She was someone that probably knew him better than he knew himself.

When she had been panting angrily beneath him, he had wondered things he wouldn't have dared to think of.

Things like if she was still a virgin or what she would look like naked... How long and strong her toned legs had felt when she had restrained him. The way her warm, small yet powerful hands had made goose-bumps rise over his skin.

He was disgusting. Tatsuki wasn't like them. She had good intentions for helping the likes of him. He had taken note of that, but when her leg had pressed between his own in a firm teasing drag, he had also noted how smooth her skin looked up close and her large chocolate brown eyes looking up at him in confusion, fear and maybe a smidge of anticipation for what he was going to do next.

Hopefully she'll stay away.

He had wanted to fuck her. There was no other way to describe it. Her strong slender body was built in such a way that fascinated his baser urges. Long slender waist with hard fit stomach, boyish firm hips, smallish yet firm looking breasts. Her face, so familiar to him over the years was oddly exquisitely feminine and soft featured. It made her look both mature and young at the same time. When close to her he had seen that she had long lashes that curled making her eyes look more feminine and expressive. Even her clean smell had burned the inside of his nostrils since it was the opposite of the perfumed girls he used...

What the hell is wrong with me?! I'm a fucking degenerate! And I thought Ogichi was the perverted one!

"Wow! You've must've really ticked Tatsuki-chan off if she gave you such a cute little love tap!" Isshin laughed from the driver's seat beside him.

Love tap my ass! Holding a wrinkled moist paper towel to his split lower lip, he glowered at the windshield without glancing at his father.

Tatsuki's blow had been more powerful than he had imagined. He had been punched in the face plenty of times by stronger opponents but the moment her fist had connected with his mouth he had feared that his teeth would be knocked to the back of his throat.

I deserved that. I shouldn't have said shit that sick to her. He had just been growing anxious at having his secrets known that he had wanted to hurt her by pointing out that she wasn't remotely sexual in attitude. It had been a crude low insult on his part.

Removing the blood-stained paper towel from his lip, he asked quietly,"How... How did you know I was there?"

"Oh, that! Tatsuki-chan's mother called me saying something about you helping with the car!" snorting at that since Ichigo never helped him with his own car troubles, his eyes were glued on the road.

Yuzu, who was sitting behind them leaned forward so that her head was between them,"I'm so happy you're alright, Ichi-nii! We were so worried about you!"

He stiffened and didn't comment or look at her as she sat back on her seat.

"Yeah... most of all since that Ito girl came over to bring your stuff," Karin commented snidely as his face paled.

WHAT?!

Apprehensive, he glanced at his other sister and saw her sharp accusing glare right before her eyes dismissed him to gaze out the window.

Karin was pissed at him.

Why is she-?

"My wasn't I surprised to see Ito-san!" Isshin exclaimed making Ichigo look at him. Shaking his head, he said wryly,"A bit flashy but very very pretty. She looks like she's very fond of you."

"I'd say," Karin muttered darkly.

"Just what the heck is your problem, Karin?!" he snapped turning in his seat the best he could to glare at her.

"I don't have a problem. It's just that it's sick to have some superficial stuck-up girl pop up at the house talking about how you've stayed with her and then seeing you all over Tatsuki-chan!"

His eyes widened.

Karin thought that he didn't take her idol Tatsuki seriously. That was why she was so mad at him.

Knowing that it was true, he swallowed dryly and closed his eyes before turning away from her. He didn't like having his own family knowing about his disgusting life.

"Now, Karin! Ichigo is your big brother and what he does is in his personal life! Good thing it was a girl! I was starting to worry about him being a complete fruitcake!" barking out a laugh, Isshin shot him a quick amused glance much to his annoyance.

He hadn't even planned on staying with Misuki. In fact, he had been heading to a hotel, thinking of buying a train ticket to either Tokyo or even Osaka. Anywhere but Karakura... but Misuki that worked in a office building across the street from said hotel had spotted him and had latched on like a giggling little leech.

Never had he liked to stay the night with girls. He had done it before and upon awakening in the morning smelling of them and seeing them made him loathe his own body.

It made him feel guilty and cheap.

At her apartment, he had taken advantage of the 'easy access' she gave him to have sex regurlarly with her in the master bedroom. Yet... he didn't sleep with her. She had pouted about him always sleeping on her couch when she had a large comfortable bed.

It just worldn't have been right. The only other girl he'd had ever shared a bed to sleep in had been Rukia. It had been natural since he had known her and had been in a actual relationship with her. At first it had been awkward due to the intimacy and the occasional blanket hogging, elbow in the ribs or face and accidently knocking her off the bed altogether.

Their relationship had been just that... Fun, brief and too comfortable. Tatsuki had been right about him choosing Rukia because it was easier and 'un-complicated' for someone as emotional dismissive as him. No real emotion had been in their short romantic relationship.

He had cared about her, saw her as a trust-worthy friend and companion but the passion he had unwillingly experienced when Ogichi had begun obsessing and loving all of Orihime had made his concept of love look pale and completely lacking in truth.

He hadn't wanted Orihime... No. He yearned for what both Ogichi and Orihime had. That seemingly twisted love was consuming, unrestrained and painfully honest and clear to all who saw it as he had.

His envy of that had Orihime eventually turn her girlish idealistic love towards him into resentment.

Knowing that he was unworthy, he had given up on searching for that kind of love... only seeing sex as meaningless exercise with a small added 'bonus'. He wasn't as shy as before when he had been a fumbling blushing virgin with Rukia.

When needing to forget how low he'd gone, he didn't think about modesty or that of the girls with him. He teased, dominated... but was still so damned distracted, which in turn had him seem rough and even more deviant in his desperation to get off. Girls didn't notice that he didn't really feel them or take their beauty into account. All they cared about was how 'passionate' he was and how much they came with him, because he made certain that they did... if they didn't enjoy themselves then he would feel even more of an 'user'.

If they knew that he wasn't even really aroused they would want his dick thrown into a firepit.

His cock hardened, functioned the way it should but it was all meaningless. The sensation of soft skin rubbing his and the moans were ignored by him. Tatsuki... Without having sex with her he had felt more. Maybe it was curiousity because she wasn't like those other girls. The vast difference had been a turn on and adding to that fact, she was also unattainable. She didn't fall into his traps, seeing right through them immediately. It made her a challenge... or was it more?

He didn't know... all he knew was that he had to stay away from her. At least until he got over his problems if that would ever happen. He had already lost enough and losing yet another person in his life would be the end of him.

However a part of him said that he would seek her out. She was the one that used to track him down, but now he felt like he had to see her again on his own. Even if it was just to have her friendship, or her presence. During the time of Ogichi and Orihime's blooming strange relationship, she had somehow managed to understand what had been going on around them without actually being a part of the problem. She had even known what was wrong with him in that dark time and had forced him to see what he was lacking.

Unfortunately that knowledge had only helped sink him deeper into himself as he sought answers and remedies to his empty spaces.

So many problems were surging all at once since his arrival back in his home town. Orihime's pregnancy was one of them. He had given his own DNA so Ogichi could have his own body. In some way that meant... that their baby was a part of him as well even if he hadn't participated in making it. Regardless of their different coloring and personalities, both Ogichi and himself were unwilling parts of each other. Their DNA shouldn't be that different. He honestly didn't want to know... If he found out that the baby was remotely his it would be another added massive blow to the many he had already received.

Then there was Tatsuki and how she had sparked a morbid interest in him for being someone untouchable. It was the degenerate in him... playing a cruel joke by making him want something he shouldn't ever have. She wasn't meant to be his toy to stave off boredom...

Freak... Worthless... Sometimes insulting himself helped stop his thoughts, even if it made him sink in deeper.

Hearing his family talking around him furiously about things that no longer interested him, he rested the side of his forehead of the cool glass of the car window while closing his eyes that always seemed to ache whenever he thought of such things.

I want this to end... How the hell can I get out of this?

He usually never received an answer for that particular question, yet this time her name was shouted inside his head as if she were the one that could give it to him.

***

Damn it! Why can't I stop thinking about that idiot?! Tatsuki had been like that for an entire day. Her traitorous mind kept reminding her of Ichigo as if it were pissed at her for wanting to take his warning to heart.

She wasn't actually frightened of him. That would be a laugh! She had told herself that it was out of respect towards him...

However, it wasn't that. He had truly intimidated her. When he had been on top of her, it was a forceful reminder that he wasn't the same push over wimpy kid she had grown up with. Her voice of reasoning wasn't reaching him and there was a strong possibility that it never would.

He refused her help...

I can't let him keep doing this. He can get out of it.

Depression didn't last forever, even if he had been in that deeply for quite a long time. He disrespected himself and his body because he felt that he actually hated himself for being so emotionally weak which wasn't true. He had proven his resilience. Not many kids can say that they had somehow seen a parent's death and had blamed themselves for years. Being still alive was a sign that he could indeed survive his ever spiraling downfall if only he let her help him.

It would be a tough job, but how could she let him keep going on that way? If someone knew that there was a friend in trouble, they wouldn't turn their backs on them. It just spoke lowly of her... It pissed her off to tell the truth, that he would even think that she would be fearful enough to stop.

Laughing at herself as she sat on the front doorstep to her house, she thought about how funny it was to one moment feel pity for her friend to being increadibly angry at him the next.

She might know him... However he didn't know her enough to think that she wasn't determined and hard set on turning him into the man he should have been.

"I'm not giving up." Even if for a second she had allowed herself to be attracted to him. It had shocked her that she had thought that way for such a short moment, but it was something she would have to forget about. She was trying to get him out of using sex and lowering himself, not encourage him to do it with her. It was sick that she had even thought that way. After he had left with his family, she had even asked herself what it would have happened if they hadn't been interrupted and had been pricked with annoyance at how unaffected he had acted while she had been out of breath.

Fucking jerk.

Shutting her eyes tightly, she shook her head briskly hoping to forget about those things.

I'm not attracted him! I don't want him! He just needs help and that's it! He's still the same Ichigo! Goofy, ugly Ichigo with his bright crazy sherbet hair and droopy eyes! Not sexy! No sexy body or eyes! NOT SEXY/HOT ICHIGO! He can't be if he's such a dork! I even split his lip! How's that?! I can still bust his face! See?! He's the same guy! No huge difference, right?!

Craddling her head in her trembling hands, she whispered furiously while staring wide-eyed at the cement steps, "Shit, that dork is driving me crazy!"

If only he hadn't tried to pull those stunts on her. If he hadn't done that, she wouldn't be in such a mess. He should have kept his distance... She felt safe in keeping herself unchanging. Ever since being a child she had kept the same haircut, same taste in things, hobbies... Weren't 'normal' people supposed to be constant? Ichigo's demeanor had shifted dramatically to that of some over-sexualized angry stranger that didn't trust anyone, even her. Everything about him just made her see physical changes that had been unnoticable to her before.

It was in the way he moved and how he looked at her. Those damned eyes of his and even his voice. He looked the same... He just made everything that was him stand out. The coldness and heat in his bad-intentioned stares, his knowing humorless smirk... She really wanted to know if other people had suffered her current ailment.

Orihime-chan...

Her friend had fallen in love with none other than a sexually agressive Hollow. She had seen how Orihime had tortured herself for enjoying Ichigo's 'dark side'. She had felt her fear and confusion as it had been her own.

Yeah, but Ogichi just tells it like it is while Ichigo just hides everything.

Yeah, she was stuck right where she had begun.

"I really don't want to be the guy that got you like that, though I'm starrrrrrrrrrrting to get a teeny bit jealous!"

Jerking her head away from her hands, she looked at the bearer of the male voice in confusion.

Keigo laughed nervously, scratching the back of his head when her glare fell on him.

"Asano?"

Lowering his hand to his side, he smiled tentatively.

"I was just in the neighborhood," he signaled at the old car he had gotten after graduation as she quirked a skeptical brow. "And I...," looking at her once more, his face turned beet red,"I just saw you here and decided to stop by."

That's bullshit.

"What are you really here for, Asano?" He was far too nervous to just be there to say 'Hi'.

Slumping his shoulders in defeat, he meekly asked with his chin nearly touching his chest, "Is it true that Ichigo is back in town?"

Her face paled as her eyes widened largely.

"How... How did you know that?" her question came out in a dry slow tone that belied her true thoughts.

Asano is the biggest mouth in all of Karakura! Everyone probably knows now thanks to him!

"Well, I...," he gulped at how she continued to glare at him. Poor guy probably didn't know why she was so pissed over him finding out of Ichigo's return. "I think I saw him yesterday with his dad and sisters... When I went to his house, his dad told me that he wasn't in but I know that it wasn't true because I followed their car there and saw him going in."

Shit. Now he knows that Ichigo is totally brushing everybody off.

"Who else have you told about this?"

At this question, he shifted and avoided her fierce eyes.

"I told... Mizuiro, Sado and maybe... Inoue and Shirosaki," the last two names to the list was said with a wince.

"WHAT THE FUCK, ASANO?!" she jumped from the step she had been sitting on in a rush.

"I-I didn't think it would be that big a problem!" he wailed, waving his hands in fright at her outburst.

"THAT BIG A PROBLEM?!" she bellowed in spite of it being true. Keigo was too dense to notice certain things and Ichigo's attitude change wouldn't even bother him as much as the others. He was used to being hit in the face by Ichigo for shit's sake!

Breathing furiously through her nose, she forced herself to sit back down on the step while Keigo continued to make excuses about him telling practically everyone that Ichigo shouldn't see.

I'll have to get them all together and tell them that he isn't ready... Wincing at how everything had just seemed to fall on her head, she fisted her hair and looked back down at the ground.

"-and though I thought it was weird for him to not want to see me I thought 'okay, this is Ichigo!' right?! It's no biggie, so I came here knowing that he talks to you more than all of us-!"

"What time is it?" she interrupted him, not even listening to his long-winded one-sided conversation.

"Um!" Without looking at him, she knew that he paused to check his wrist watch.

"It's a quarter to four!"

Orihime-chan has classes until five, Ishida already had his classes since he's on the same schedule as me... Mentally calling out the names of everyone in their group, including Uryuu, Rukia and Sado, she figured out the right time and place to have a plan set out to ready everyone for Ichigo's return.

Pulling her gripping hands from her now messy hair, she looked at Keigo tiredly. He was sometimes downright exhausting, especially with his lack of tact.

"Since you're so good and spreading stuff around, do you think you can have everyone in our group meet up at the club at seven?"

He blinked at her as if she had lost her mind. She couldn't really blame the guy. She had been about to rip his head off and now she was planning a deceivingly 'friendly' get together. What he didn't know wouldn't hurt him. All she needed to do was tell them that Ichigo was either too busy to see them or that he was undergoing a lot of stress.

Considering that Ogichi was very connected to Ichigo due to being a part of him, she should probably just say that he was stressing out. The Hollow was almost as much a big mouth as Asano and he would blurt it out if she lied, making a complete spectacle in the process.

"I think... I can," he finally said, looking uncomfortable.

Nodding, she said firmly,"Don't think it, just get it done."

"O-okay..."

Things were happening quicker than she had imagined and this new occurence made her feel that the time bomb within Ichigo was going to explode; taking all of them by surprise. It was just a feeling of foreboding, not for herself, but for Ichigo's own troubled state. He wouldn't be able to handle it. She was certain of it even if he tried to hide it.

His acting was just as bad as Orihime's had been when she had been dwelling on what could have been.

It was strained and destructive to all of those that wanted in.

***

A/N: I want to shoot my stupid internet router! I couldn't connect during all of this time! So sorry about that! Hope people liked chap! I was listening to some Angtoria, Kidneythieves-Pretty, and Stabbing Westward-Sometimes it Hurts, Smashing Pumpkins-Ava Adore while writing it. =)At Caitriona Thanks! I had taken some psychology classes and I'm giving Ichigo the basic elements of a highly depressed individual. His behavioral patterns are typical of someone suffering stress-induced CSB; the emptiness, pain, anger, denial, distrust of himself, self-disgust, anxiety, and apathy. Glad you liked both 'Reflection' and are now enjoying 'Salvation'! And don't worry, Ishida's girl will be found out later on. Hehehehe... And thanks for bookmarking 'Salvation'! At Valmasy03 HAHA! Isshin is a pain in the ass, but he was there for good reason. ;-) Lucky Tat though. It's sad that Ichigo had to resort to sexual intimidation, but she's going be the recipient of lot's of his... ahem... undevided attention. *evil look* At BattleCry Thanks! And so sorry for not updating sooner this time! =( At madbob Glad you like pervy Ichigo! LOL! And when they do hook up it's gonna be major! I have so many eviiiiiiil plans for the two of them. HEHEHEHEHEHE!!!

Please rate and/or review! I actually kinda liked this chapter. I don't know why... Hmmm...