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A Modern Courtship	By : crunchysalad Category: Bleach > Yaoi - Male/Male > Byakuya/Renji Views: 7953 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach or its characters. I am not making any money off this piece of fanfiction.

Chapter List
- 6
- 7
- 8
Thank you satterb, YamanashiOchinashiIminashi, qwerty, and Anon for reviewing! Sorry for not replying to each review individually, but please know I appreciate the time you take to read and review!

Chapter Six
Fuck, fuck, fuck.
One word kept repeating through Renji's head, over and over again, a curse and a prayer. There were too many tentacles and they were all too long. So far he hadn't been able to find the arrancar, and with every tentacle that didn't lead to it, Renji grew more and more nervous. And then it happened. Byakuya's spiritual energy started to drop.
FUCK.
Renji froze as stress and nerves threatened to consume him. How had this happened? What was going on? How could Byakuya, of all people, fall into the arrancar's trap? And then Renji shook himself out of that thought pattern, cursing himself. He didn't need to be lost in thought right now, he needed to be moving. More than ever he had to find the arrancar, before all of Byakuya's energy was taken. He sped up, going faster than he was before, faster than he had thought himself capable. He needed to save Byakuya.
The thought that this was happening was almost overwhelming. A multitude of scenarios ran through Renji's head, and in a panic he thought about just going back to the cabin and cutting off all the tentacles. But that would mean the arrancar would get away, and Byakuya would be angrier at that than if Renji let him die. No, Renji would leave that as a last resort, if Byakuya's spirit energy got dangerously low.
Finally, after what seemed like forever but must have only been a few minutes, Renji found him. A grotesque chimera of a creature, sleeping upright as it breathed deeply. It was even more hideous than Renji had imagined, and he wished that Byakuya had prepared him a little bit more than this. At least, Renji thought, the fact that it was asleep gave Renji time to act. He wasn't good enough at kido to do this well on the spur. Renji's lips parted as he held up his hands and began the incantation.
"Carriage of thunder," Renji said. "Bridge of a spinning wheel. With light, divide this into six."
In a flash the Six Rode Prison of Light was activated. Six thin, wide beams of light appeared to skewer the arrancar's midsection, effectively holding him in place, though he remained sleeping. Not for long, though, Renji thought. He held up his sword and brought it down on the arrancar's tentacle, causing the arrancar to wake up and cry out in surprise. Renji could feel a sudden drop in Byakuya's reiatsu before it thankfully stabilized. At least he didn't have to worry about his captain right now.
The arrancar was snarling and growling, no doubt trying to look intimidating. A hopeless endeavor considering he couldn't move. This arrancar, Renji decided, was more bark than it was bite.
"Tell me what you know about Aizen," Renji said, "and I'll kill you quickly."
The arrancar laughed, a grating, ugly sound.
"Your friend said something like that to me," he said, "and look where that got him."
"Fuck you," Renji snarled, before stabbing his zanpakuto so deep into the beast's shoulder that it came out the other side. "My captain's perfectly safe, for your information. While you're about to die."
The arrancar cried out in pain as the sword pierced it, pain that was amplified when Renji yanked the sword back out. Blood gushed from the hole that now stood there, but after the shouts of pain died down the arrancar still laughed.
"That all you got?" the arrancar hissed. "Your friend took an arm, and all you can do is this little flesh wound?"
"My bad," Renji said, "guess I should step my game, huh?"
And with that question Renji brought his sword up and sliced downward, cutting off the creature's other arm with one fell swoop. The shouts from the arrancar then were so loud they rattled through Renji's ears and the forest. Birds and animals scattered from the cry, able to sense it even if they couldn't necessarily hear it.
"I'll ask you again," Renji said, when the screams died down. "What do you know about Aizen?"
Again the creature was laughing.
"I know enough," it said, "to know that he won't be brought down by the likes of you."
Renji turned his sword in his hand, then buried the hilt of his sword into the hole where the arrancar's arm used to be. Renji jammed and twisted it inside that red mess of raw flesh and sinew as the arrancar screamed, but pulled out before the thing could pass out from the pain.
"I've got plenty of time," Renji said, walking back to the front of the beast. "And I could always bring you back to Soul Society. I bet they'd have real creative ways of torturing you."
The arrancar was breathing heavily, his eyes glazed over. He was obviously in pain and Renji didn't think that he would hold out for much longer. Renji walked around him, contemplating what to do next. Torture wasn't exactly a topic that was covered in the academy. It just didn't come up very often; they were usually in the business of exterminating hollows, not getting information from them. Renji briefly wished he had a bankai like Byakuya's, capable of inflicting wounds of minute precision. His bankai was too big and loud for that kind of torture work.
Renji once again dug his sword into the arrancar's raw wound, then started the incantation for Way of Destruction number eleven: bound lightning. As soon as it was done a current of electrocity shot through the sword and started to shock and cauterize the arrancar's insides. Renji could smell something like flesh being burnt, an awful scent since he knew the source. The spell continued for several moments until Renji pulled the sword out. This time when the arrancar began speaking, he gave up the information Renji needed.
"All I know," the arrancar said, desperation twisting his words, "is that he's planning something in Karakura Town. And whatever it is, it's going to be big, and it's going to happen soon."
"What exactly is he planning?" Renji asked.
"I told you," the arrancar spat own, even as his body shuddered in pain, "I don't know!"
"Are you sure?" Renji asked, slicing off the arrancar's hoof. Just an extra safety precaution, in case the beast was holding out.
"Yes!" the arrancar screamed, as blood gushed out the stump at the bottom of his leg. "He's planning to send his best arrancar there, I don't know why. Now I told you what I know, let me go!"
"That wasn't the deal," Renji said, before he brought his sword down through the arrancar's head and mask.
The arrancar screamed as it was cut in half, but soon after that it dissipated into the air, the souls that made it up hopefully going wherever they belonged. Renji sheathed his sword as he flash stepped back towards the cabin, intent on making sure Byakuya was okay. They still didn't know much about Aizen's plans, but at least they knew one thing: the next place he would show up was most likely Karakura Town.
When Renji got back to the cabin, Byakuya was awake and sitting up in his bed. His back was hunched over as hands rubbed at his temples. His eyes were squinted shut in either concentration or mild pain, Renji couldn't particularly tell. At any rate, Renji had never seen Byakuya look so. . . not perfectly controlled. It worried him.
"Taichou," Renji said. "Are you okay?"
Byakuya didn't really move at the words, save for the hands that were rubbing at his temple.
"I'm fine," Byakuya replied, after what seemed like a rather long while.
Byakuya's voice had a hoarse, grating tone to it, though Renji didn't think that it was directed towards him. He seemed more pre-occupied with what he was going through than anything else.
"What's the status of the arrancar?" Byakuya asked.
"Destroyed," Renji replied. "I found out that Aizen's planning something for Karakura Town, and it's big, but I don't know what exactly it is. It mostly involves an invasion of some of his top arrancar. It seems that's all the arrancar knew."
Byakuya nodded. "At least it's something. Open up a senkaimon. We'll go back and report to Yamamoto Soutaichou immediately."
"Yes, sir." Renji couldn't help but hesitate, though, as he noticed how shaky Byakuya was as he got up. He seemed a little unfocused, as well, not at all like his usual self. "Taichou, are you sure you're okay?"
And still Byakuya wouldn't lift his head up to look at Renji. "I told you, I am fine. The senkaimon, Renji."
"Yeah," Renji said. "Okay."
Renji took his sword and opened the senkaimon, even as worry tugged at his mind. Byakuya insisted he was fine, but that didn't change the fact that he seemed a little off. Renji knew his place, though, and didn't inquire into it any further. Instead he waited for Byakuya to step through the opening, then followed at a few steps pace.
Someone else in Soul Society would no doubt clean up their belongings down on earth, the gigai and equipment they had left behind, so Renji let that particular concern drop from his head. Instead his thoughts drifted back to Byakuya. Regardless of how Byakuya was doing now, it was a fact that something had happened in the dream world. Something that had caused his spiritual energy to drop.
"Taichou," Renji started, a little hesitant but persisting nonetheless, "what happened in the dream world? How did the arrancar trap you there?"
Byakuya froze at the question, so quickly that Renji almost ran into him. When Byakuya looked back his eyes were hard as steel, and when he spoke his tone was just as cutting.
"I don't believe you need to know that, Renji," Byakuya said.
It was a reply that Renji had expected. And he realized that he should back down, but was smart enough to see a logical way to get Byakuya to spill. "I think it is. If this ever happens again, we need to know how to avoid being trapped. I mean, if a captain like you can get caught in the dream world, it's not like I'd even have a chance."
Byakuya's expression didn't change, but Renji knew that the rational argument would appeal to Byakuya. Sure enough, Byakuya started to speak.
"I let myself give in to my emotions," Byakuya said, something swirling behind his eyes that Renji couldn't read. "It never leads to anything good, and I won't be doing it again."
Renji frowned as Byakuya turned and started to walk forward again. Byakuya's response hadn't really answered anything; really, the cryptic words had only raised more questions. What did Byakuya mean by giving in to his emotions? What did he mean by not doing it again? Without context, Renji had no idea what the real meaning behind those words were. But he knew that he wasn't supposed to ask any more questions, not when Byakuya had already dismissed the conversation. They made their way back to Seireitei in silence, neither one speaking to the other.
Once they were back, Byakuya turned towards Renji to give him his last order of the day.
"You're dismissed," Byakuya said. "I'll report to Yamamoto Soutaicho."
Renji nodded. "Yes, Taichou."
Renji watched as Byakuya disappeared in one quick step. Then he sighed and started to walk back to his quarters. His mind went back to where it was before the arrancar incident had happened, to the telephone conversation with Kira and his deep thoughts at the bar. He still wanted to resolve things with Byakuya. Even if he was rejected, and he knew there was a great likelihood of that happening, he just wanted to say his peace and then move on with his life. He had already spent too long obsessing over Kuchiki Byakuya.
As soon as Renji got to his quarters he plopped down onto his bed, but he was too wired to actually sleep. Instead he stared out the window as a multitude of thoughts ran through his head. Thoughts about Byakuya, about Aizen, about the whole situation in Soul Society right now. There was just too much going on, and it gave Renji a headache.
A few hours later Renji groaned as he shot into sitting position, then punched the bed as he propelled himself off. At this rate he wasn't going to get any sleep. He had to get at least one thing off the crowded mess on his mind, and he knew what that one thing was: he had to talk to Byakuya. He knew it wasn't the ideal time to do it, but he had to get it off his chest. Without giving himself time to get nervous and change his mind, Renji shunpooed to the Kuchiki estate, then shunpooed inside. He felt for Byakuya's reiatsu and made his way there, finally coming to stand outside a door in the main house. He took a deep breath and knocked.
Only to be tackled by what had to be a dozen men, all dressed in head to toe purple.
The door to Byakuya's room opened. Byakuya looked down at the mess of men and limbs on the floor in front of him, expression reading just a little bit of irritation.
"Byakuya-sama," said a voice to Renji's right, "we apprehended this man making his way to your room."
Byakuya gave a long-suffering sigh. "It's fine. That fool is my vice-captain. Resume your posts."
And just like that Renji felt the weight lifted off of him, as all the men seemed to disappear into thin air.
"Those are some guards you have," Renji said. He wondered why they weren't shinigami. They certainly had the physical agility, at the very least.
"Only the best," Byakuya replied, as though it were a foregone conclusion. "Renji, what are you doing here?"
Renji pushed himself off the floor and stood up, noticing with a flush that Byakuya was dressed only in a night yukata and had his hair free of its usual kenseikan. It's true he had seen Byakuya without his kenseikan several times over the last few days, but it never failed to make his breath catch, just a little bit.
"Can I come in?" Renji asked.
Byakuya seemed to regard him for a very, very long time. Renji wondered if there was any chance Byakuya would say yes, but then a small nod of Byakuya's head gave Renji permission to enter. Still, his tone was cold when he spoke again.
"I don't recall calling for you," Byakuya said, closing the door as Renji stepped inside.
"You said I could come visit whenever I wanted," Renji replied, figuring that was true enough.
"I said that you could come visit Rukia whenever you wanted. And I believe she prefers to stay in her division barracks, and is, indeed, there right now."
Renji frowned. Byakuya was acting even colder towards him than he was right after the feeding incident. It was as though the ryoka invasion had never happened. As though Byakuya had never opened up, if only a little bit. Renji wondered if this had anything to do with the arrancar and the dream world, but even if it did there was nothing he could do about it, not what he didn't even know what had happened.
"I have something to say to you," Renji said. He had to get it out before he thought about it too much, before he realized what an awful idea this was. He pushed himself to do it, just like he pushed himself to do so many other things in his life, even though he knew his chances were bleak. "I know this isn't the best time, but I've got to say it. I. . . Kuchiki-taichou. . . no, Byakuya. . ."
Renji had expected a flash of anger from Byakuya at the use of his given name, but instead he thought he saw panic flare up in those gray eyes. But then it was gone, and he realized that he must have imagined it. Byakuya was not the type of man who would panic, especially not over something like that.
"The truth is," Renji continued, still wondering how he was going to phrase this, "the way I've felt about you, for a long time now, well. . ."
"Renji, stop."
If Renji didn't know better, he'd think that Byakuya's voice was just a tiny bit shaky. But he knew Byakuya well enough to realize that it hadn't been. He stopped, at least for the moment, to listen to his captain.
"Whatever it is you are about to say," Byakuya said, stressing every word, "don't say it. It will be better for both of us if you just leave."
Renji blinked. Did Byakuya. . . did Byakuya know what he was about to say? Renji flushed with unexpected anger. He wondered if Byakuya had known about his emotions all this time, even before Renji did, and had seen fit to ignore them. No doubt Byakuya thought Renji's emotions were beneath comment or attention. But that thought, and the anger that accompanied it, only spurred Renji on to say what he said next.
"Taichou, I love you. I've always loved you."
And. . . nothing. Renji was staring at the floor. He couldn't bring himself to look up. And Byakuya wasn't saying anything, wasn't moving either. Finally Renji looked up, into eyes that were strangely blank. Whatever was going on behind them, Renji couldn't read it.
"Taichou," he said, "did you hear me?"
Byakuya still didn't say anything for the longest time. But finally, when the tension between them felt as though it were about to snap, he spoke.
"I heard you," he said, eyes hardening as he seemed to come to some kind of decision. "And it doesn't matter. We will continue on with the relationship we have always had, and we will forget about what you have said today."
"Why?" Renji asked, stepping forward despite himself. "Why do we have to do that?"
"Because intra-division affairs are inappropriate."
"That's bullshit," Renji said, and he couldn't help but snarl a little bit. "Since when was that even an issue?"
"Because emotion attachments only lead to irrational decisions," Byakuya said, and this time it didn't sound like he was pulling something out of his ass.
Still, that wasn't an answer Renji could ever live with. Didn't the whole incident with Rukia teach Byakuya otherwise, after all?
"That's even more bullshit," Renji said. "And you know it."
Something flickered in Byakuya's eyes, something that Renji couldn't read. But then they were hard as stone again as Byakuya looked up at him. When Byakuya answered, his reply was simple and final.
"Because you're not good enough."
Renji froze. He could feel his stomach drop, could feel a large space at the back of his throat. His mouth felt all of the sudden dry, but he forced himself to speak.
"You think I don't know that?" he asked, and the way his voice trembled only served to embarrass him further. "I've said it before and I'll say it again. I'm a tramp, right down to my bones. I don't know what I was thinking, coming here."
His bravado was crumbling, revealing the truth he felt in his heart: he was no match for Kuchiki Byakuya, not on any level.
"Sorry for wasting your time," Renji said, before he turned and left.
Renji left the Kuchiki estate as quickly as he was able to. He had been a fool to come. He had hoped to resolve one of the many issues in his head, but now his heart weighed heavier than even before. He had known that the outcome would be a bad one, and yet he still felt so deeply the impact of it. What the hell was wrong with him?
And now, the thought of returning to his lonely, empty room was unbearable. He needed to drink, and he knew just the person he wanted to drink with.
In just a few moments Renji was in the ninth division barracks, knocking on the door of the vice-captain's quarters. Surprisingly, it only took a few seconds for Hisagi to come to the door, and when he did he was still dressed in his shinigami uniform.
"Sake," Renji said, pushing past Hisagi as he made his way into the apartment, "you have it, right?"
Hisagi frowned as he watched Renji head over to the liquor cabinet, grabbing a bottle of the many sake bottles Hisagi kept around. . . kept there just in case Rangiku ever wanted to come over and have a drink. Not that she did very often, preferring as she did more communal spaces.
"What are you doing here, Abarai?" he asked. "The Seireitei Monthly goes to press soon, I have a lot of stuff to do."
But by the time he said that, Renji had already downed about a fourth of the bottle. It felt good as it burned its way down his throat. It wouldn't take long, he decided, to get drunk tonight, as long as he kept up this pace.
"Careful," Hisagi said with a scowl, "or I might be dragging you to the fourth division later to have your stomach pumped."
"Sit down and drink," Renji said, pouring sake into one of Hisagi's cups. "You look like you need it."
Indeed, Hisagi did look stressed and tired. His skin was strangely dull and there were bags underneath his bloodshot eyes. It was not a good look for him.
"This is the last thing I need right now," Hisagi said. "Do you have any idea how much work a captain has to do? Especially in the ninth division, where we also have to publish a magazine every freaking month? And on top of that I still have my own duties-"
"Exactly why you need a drink," Renji countered. "You need to take a break. Trust me, you'll be able to work better afterwards."
Hisagi scowled, obviously not believing Renji. But apparently he realized that there was no getting rid of the other man and decided to join him for at least one drink. He sat down opposite Renji and lifted the cup to his lips. There were a few moments of silence between them, Hisagi just staring at Renji as Renji slumped over the table and drank.
"What happened?" Hisagi finally asked, a noticeable amount of concern lacing his voice.
Renji shook his head, not sure where he should even start. He was trying to concentrate on getting drunk, because at least that prevented him from thinking about anything else. "Nothing."
"Nothing my ass," Hisagi countered. "If you didn't want to talk to someone about it, you'd be drinking alone in your room right now."
Renji paused as he took a gulp of sake. It wasn't that, exactly. "It's just. . . I didn't feel like being by myself right now."
There was an awkward moment between them as neither said anything. Then Hisagi sighed and refilled his cup.
"Fine," he said. "I guess I could use a break."
Renji was never the more glad to have company. His friend, while maintaining a rather punk-ish appearance, was actually pretty straight-laced, so he must have been feeling sorry for Renji if he was agreeing to drink with him. Renji was happy to have friends like Hisagi, Kira, Rukia. . . it made him feel a little less worthless at times like these.
And worthless was definitely a word that would sum up his emotions right around now. Byakuya's words ran through his head. You're not good enough. And Renji knew it, Renji couldn't even blame Byakuya for saying it. Which is why he was surprised at the impact the words were having on him. But knowing it in his heart and hearing it straight from the man he admired were two completely different things.
Renji hiccuped as his mind started to feel fuzzy and warm. This is what he wanted, that oblivion that alcohol gave him. He just wanted to drink until he passed out and trust Hisagi to tuck him in on the couch afterwards. Hisagi, whose mere presence Renji appreciated more than anything, even if they weren't currently saying anything to each other.
"Thanks," Renji said, so softly it was barely audible.
Hisagi sighed. There was the sound of a chair scraping as he stood up, coming to take the seat next to Renji instead. A hand came up to squeeze Renji's shoulder, the motion feeling cumbersome and awkward.
"Of course," Hisagi said, because he probably didn't know what else to say.
"It's just. . . all I've ever seen," Renji started, voice uncharacteristically small, "since the first day we met, is him. At the forefront of my mind, it's always been him. But he doesn't see me at all. All he's ever done is ignore and tolerate me. So when we got a little bit closer. . . I guess I just let it go to my head. I was an idiot, you know? If only. . . if only I could be a better person. If only I could be more than I am. But I'm just a street rat for Rukongai. . . that's all I'll ever be."
The hand on his shoulder tightened.
"You're wrong," Hisagi said, "that's not all you are."
But Renji shook his head. He could feel his eyes start to sting, even as the alcohol started to overtake his mind.
"It is," he said, and that was all he remembered before passing out.
Renji woke up the next morning to tiny, isolated breezes blowing over his face. He opened his eyes to discover that there was a hell butterfly flapping over him, small wings skipping back and forth in the air. It was delivering a message: Yamamoto wanted to see both him and Byakuya, on the next hour.
A small flare of panic flashed in Renji's chest at the mention of Byakuya, but he pushed it down again. It wasn't a big deal, he told himself. They were still captain and vice-captain. Surely he was man enough to perform his duties without letting personal feelings get involved.
Renji sat up, realizing that Hisagi had indeed tucked him into the couch. The other man was gone, no doubt in the ninth division offices taking care of whatever business he had to attend to. The guy was a little too serious for his own good. . . Renji wondered why he didn't delegate just a little bit more. At any rate, apparently Renji had his own business to attend to. He got up and used Hisagi's bathroom to wash up a little, then shunpooed over to Yamamoto's office.
Once he got there, he wasn't surprised to see that Byakuya had again arrived before him. As usual, Byakuya sat at the low table with Yamamoto, drinking tea, and didn't even look up from his cup as Renji entered. Renji felt a pang at the casual dismissal, but it was nothing he couldn't deal with. He sat down at the table with them as he waited for Yamamoto to speak.
"Renji," Yamamoto said, once Renji had settled. "So good of you to join us. I was just discussing our next strategy with Byakuya. Ukitake is still conducting research in the Great Library, of course, trying to discover what Aizen wants to do in Karakura Town. I have my own theories on the matter. . . I just want to confirm them before we act. But, as far as an attack on the town is concerned, I'm afraid it has already come to pass. I have received reports that a group of arrancar attacked the substitute shinigami and his friends just last night."
"What?" Renji asked, fists coming down on the low table. "What happened? Are they okay?"
"Calm down, Abarai-fukutaichou. I'm just getting to that part. I would like you two to lead a team to Karakura Town. Several high-level shinigami should be taken, since it seems like Aizen is planning something big for the small town. Take care of any arrancar that show up. You are to go undercover at the home of the ryo- I apologize, the home of the substitute shinigami."
Renji frowned. Ichigo probably would not be happy to hear about that.
"You will remain at the post," Yamamoto continued, "until further orders."
"I'm afraid I must decline," Byakuya said, placing his cup of tea on the table. "Unfortunately, with all that has been going on, I have been remiss in attending to my familial duties. There is much I must work on with the other noble families."
Renji blinked wide eyes at Byakuya, though his captain didn't even glance his way. Even he could tell that was bullshit. Byakuya just didn't want to spend time with him. Did the other man hate him so much?
"I see," Yamamoto said, clearly disappointed. But, even as Captain Commander, there was little that he could do. The Gotei 13 were generally not allowed to interfere in the affairs of the four noble families. "That is unfortunate. I was hoping to have one captain on this mision, as I predict Aizen will be sending some of his more powerful arrancar."
"I'm sure," Byakuya said, "that one of the other captains will be happy to volunteer."
"True enough," Yamamoto said. He acquiesced with a sigh. "Renji, for now you are in charge of putting a team together. Get Kuchiki Rukia, since she knows the substitute shinigami the best. And do try to convince a captain to come along, will you? Leave as soon as you are prepared. The twelfth division will, of course, prepare gigais and clothing immediately."
"Yes, Soutaichou," Renji said. Gathering a team wouldn't be difficult. Ichigo had somehow found a way to make so many friends when he was here, there would surely be no shortage of people eager to go visit him. He already knew Ikkaku was bored and looking for something to do.
Renji waited until Byakuya stood up before he stood up himself, then he followed Byakuya out of the room. He was on his way to the tenth division, while Byakuya was walking to the sixth, but for some time they would follow the same path. So Renji followed at a few steps, as a good vice-captain should. He stared at the back of Byakuya's head, at that silky black hair, and lamented the fact that Byakuya hadn't looked at him once all day. Things between them seemed even worse than before the ryoka invasion.
Eventually, they came to the point where their paths diverged. Without saying one word to him, Byakuya set off in one direction, while Renji remained standing on the spot. He stared after his captain as the other man disappeared, wondering if he should have said something, not knowing what he would have said. After a long while he turned and headed to the tenth division. It would be good to get away from Soul Society for awhile. It would be a good distraction. He could spar with Ichigo, kick some arrancar butt, and maybe get some answers out of the guy who put Rukia in that godawful gigai when she was stuck in the human world.
Yeah, Renji decided, this trip would be good for him.
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A Modern Courtship