A Shadow of What Was | By : katami Category: Bleach > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 49594 -:- Recommendations : 3 -:- Currently Reading : 1 |
Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach, nor the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story. |
Author's Notes: Write me something smutty and I will adore you forever, Irana.
Once again, I'd like to thank everyone reading this story and especially those who take the time to review. I love knowing my insanity is appreciated.
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The gentle knocking, soft and hesitant, finally drew Kisuke from his bed. He had collapsed there after that whatever it had been that had happened in the shower, scared to sleep, hating to be awake, and not sure what to do. So he had sat there in his bed doing nothing. Except trying very hard not to think.
He had just been getting around to trying to distract himself with some truly evil differential equations when the knocking had started. Cautiously, he had crept toward the living room door, not eager to face anyone again, but also knowing he had to. He couldn't stay in his room forever. For one thing, he was already hungry.
It was probably Grimmjow at the door, he reasoned. The Arrancar being the most likely to want to see him and the first to forgive his outburst. He could handle seeing Grimmjow. Grimmjow would be nice to him and not laugh at him. Well...not laugh at him too much.
He carefully pulled down the kidou barrier, rather impressed with just how solid it was considering how quickly he had tossed it up. He was getting better at kidou, although whether that was a good thing or a bad thing he couldn't really tell. On the one hand it gave him a way to protect himself, but it also meant that Urahara, both of them, were becoming stronger. He shoved those concerns away and pulled the door open just a crack, throwing it all the way open when it was not Grimmjow waiting for him but Yoruichi. She was holding a huge wicker basket and looking contrite.
"Pax?" she whispered softly, giving him a pleading look.
A wave of gentle affection flowed through him, battling his own anger at the woman. The captain, he thought with mild annoyance, it had to be the captain. He wanted to stay angry, but he was tired and hungry, and as the other man had pointed out, fighting himself wasn't likely to accomplish much. The captain forgave her and so he was expected to do the same. "The terms?" he asked.
"How about some lunch and a view? A chance to talk a little?" offered the noblewoman with a mischievous grin.
Kisuke couldn't help but smile. Everyone had thought he was the bad influence, but Yoruichi was far worse. She was forever leading him down the primrose path to temptation. And temptation was one thing he had never been good at resisting. "A view?" he asked, both delighted and suspicious.
"A view," she confirmed with a wicked grin. "The best view in the whole town according to my sources." Kisuke flinched as she took his hand and Yoruichi gave him a look that was half sadness and half apology. "I shouldn't have presumed. Come on, Mizuno-kun."
"Kisuke," he offered tentatively, earning a speculative look and a small smile as well as a wash of warmth from deep inside.
Sneaking passed the guards was ridiculously easily and in under twenty minutes they were outside in the open air. Yoruichi rocked gaily on the balls of her feet, looking very much like a cat who had fallen into a vat of cream, and Kisuke could feel his own spirits lifting. There was something so achingly familiar and comforting about skulking around with Yoruichi that he couldn't help but enjoy it. Memories drifted up to him, offered rather than forced, of prowling around other streets - some dusty and cramped and others paved and lined with tall walls. He gently pushed them back, content to simply enjoy the sun and the fresh air.
In under ten minutes they were on the roof of the high school and Kisuke couldn't help the snort of laughter that slipped out. "The best view in town?" he asked with amusement.
Yoruichi grinned, setting out a blanket and then sitting happily on it and opening the picnic basket she carried. "You always used to think so. Although it might have had more to do with Kurosaki taking gym down there than the view afforded of the rest of the town," she teased, beginning to set out various items. The promise of food was tempting enough that Kisuke didn't bother to get annoyed. Annoyance was for people who'd had breakfast.
Yoruichi grinned as he sat down, handing him a familiar white box. Kisuke opened the lid and closed his eyes in bliss as the scent of tomato, basil and oregano struck him. "I got you the Pasta and Eggplant Parmesan, but if you don't like that we have the Penne with Gorgonzola and Mascarpone - they tossed on some scallops because it's me. We also have the Pork Stew with Porcini Mushrooms," murmured Yoruichi. His stomach rumbled and Yoruichi shot him a sly smile.
"Shut up. Some of us didn't get breakfast," he told her.
"And whose fault is that?" teased Yoruichi with a soft peel of laughter.
"Yours," they both accused at the same time. They stared at each other for a moment before they both laughed.
"We'll blame Ichigo. Most of your worst decisions revolved around him anyway," laughed Yoruichi, claiming the penne and pulling a bottle of wine from the basket. "You don't happen to remember Urahara's old trick for getting out corks out, do you?"
Kisuke sighed and took the bottle, a few muttered words and a quick flick of power sent the cork flying. "Never could get that right," laughed Yoruichi reclaiming the bottle and taking a swallow. "Want some?"
Kisuke stared at the bottle and thought about Grimmjow finding him drunk after he had snuck out and decided that since he couldn't even imagine what the Arrancar would do to him, drinking would probably be an incredibly bad idea. "No, I have aspirations of making it to eighteen," he told Yoruichi, pleased when a soda was tossed his way.
"Please, you have Ichigo wrapped around your little finger and that psychotic furball is ready to commit murder if anyone so much as looks at you wrong."
Kisuke stared at her before he burst out laughing. "They are a little much, aren't they?" he managed to breathe out between giggles. Overwhelming or not, it touched a part of him to be fussed over and worried about so tenaciously.
"No, Soi Fong is a bit much, they are completely insane," retorted the dark-haired woman, earning another chuckle. They ate in amused silence for a few moments, laughing again whenever they happened to catch each other's gaze. It was nice Kisuke realized, comforting, like having a friend. He had never had many of those.
"Why did he do this?" Kisuke asked quietly, not need to say which he.
"Who? Urahara?" asked Yoruichi, pausing to stare at him. "Well, he didn't consult with me about it; but probably a number of reasons. Ichigo was probably the main reason. He would have walked into Hell without a second thought for that man. Love makes most men stupid...and Kurosaki was his first. Aizen and a good dose of guilt probably cemented the idea."
"Tell me about Aizen," he murmured, surprising himself a little with the request. But he was getting tired of just reacting, of being shoved and shuffled around and not knowing anything. He needed to understand the situation better if he was going to start taking some control of his life. Aizen was part of the situation, and he was a key part in directing what happened to his future. As long as Aizen wanted him, he would never be safe.
"Aizen? You want to talk about him? Seems like a great way to ruin a nice lunch , but each to their own," murmured Yoruichi.
"More like know thy enemy," he purred softly, someone dangerous flashing in his eyes, a hint of someone she had once known. Yoruichi stared at him with speculative wonder for a moment before shaking it off and continuing.
"Aizen was a minor noble, with links to the Ukitake family and a side branch of the Shihouin family, if I recall correctly." She did. If there was one thing every noble knew it was the family lines of all the others, he thought with just a trace of annoyance. "He was well out of any line of succession but still genteelly raised. He was clever and ambitious as hell, and before you came along he was the wunderkind of the Seireitei but you sort of took the thunder out of that," she explained with a smirk.
"We were a few years ahead of him and by the time he entered the academy you were all anyone could talk about. You two were always polite but there was always this weird competitiveness to your interactions."
Kisuke frowned, some of what she said familiar but other parts jarred against him. "I don't...I don't think he remembers it that way," he finally managed.
Yoruichi just smiled at him. "Well, you always were a little slow on the uptake. Besides, back then all you thought about was getting where you wanted, proving that you were the best. You didn't realize what a brat you were."
"This from the demon cat?" he retorted before he even knew where the words had come from.
Yoruichi stared at him, something shocked and longing in her eyes. "Kisuke," she breathed, his name infused with a longing that made the blonde want to return to his room and hide again.
"No. Not yours, not his...I'm not him! I can't be," he snarled vehemently, even as something wavered dangerously in his eyes, bringing him close to tears.
"I didn't..." began Yoruichi, staring at him, before understanding dawned on her face. "How long have you been in love with Kurosaki, Kisuke?" she asked gently, touching his hand and making him jump.
"I'm not! I don't!" Clever fingers plucked his meal away and a moment later strong arms were encircling him and Kisuke found his head nestled against a soft, soothingly familiar bosom. His arms stole hesitantly around Yoruichi's waist as warm breath ruffled his hair.
"You never could do anything the easy way, could you?" asked Yoruichi gently, weary amusement in her voice. "How long, Kisuke?"
"I don't...It feels like I've been waiting for him my whole life. And I keep dreaming about how it was between us....I want it," he admitted in a quiet whisper laced with desperation. A hard knock upside the head made he frown and try and pull away, but Yoruichi held tight and eventually Kisuke gave up. It was nice to be held.
"Believe it or not, I don't think Ichigo is going to object too strenuously. In fact, I think he just might beat you to the floor if you tried tripping him," she told him with a chuckle.
He sighed, wriggling loose and reclaiming his lunch. Forming an attachment to Kurosaki wasn't the problem, maintaining it was and that wasn't something Yoruichi could solve. "I don't want to talk about it. Tell me about the Houg...?"
"Hougyoku?" supplied Yoruichi, accepting a nod before going on. "I don't understand too much of it. Urahara was the only one who really understood it. It's suppose to bridge the divide between Hollow and Shinigami - to create a being that is not one or the other but both. It was meant to help Soul Society to restore the strength we had lost. Centuries of fighting had taken the lives of several of the oldest and most experienced captains leaving younger and weaker officers to take over in their place," explained Yoruichi.
Kisuke titled his head, pausing to consider what she had told him. "How does it work?" Masculine laughter rang through his head as feminine echoed in his ears.
"How the hell should I know? The damned thing is easy to use but I don't think anyone besides Urahara ever understood even a fraction of the theory behind it. I certainly didn't. And I know Aizen doesn't or he wouldn't have almost destroyed it."
Kisuke felt his interest sharpen at her words, possibilities swam before his eyes, swirling nebulously in a storm of half formed ideas. He could use this something deep inside him whispered.
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