Consolation Prize (of Victory)

Consolation Prize

Interval 3:  Tiger Burning Bright (Anger)

In which chickens come home to roost and a bad day ensues.

The time he spent sitting through Claim meetings, forced to keep his eyes on the floor and his jaw locked shut, trying to hide the absolute hatred he felt for the worst excuse for a Shinigami that ever oozed its way past the gates of Hell, was time Renji wanted back. There were a billion things he’d rather be doing: flossing his teeth, moving empty bookcases from one lab to another, listening to Szayel drone on and on about proper lab hygiene, watching paint dry, watching paint dry while Szayel droned... Every one of those things had more merit than sitting behind Szayel’s back. The only good thing he could think of when it came to the annual ‘rub the captives’ noses in their own defeat YET AGAIN’ meeting was that he’d managed to ‘miss’ nine of them, thanks to Szayel’s little ‘experiment’.

At least Abisara and Vindula weren’t here for this farce. Thank Kami for small favors. Tsubokura-san had the twins for the time being, which meant two things: first, that Renji was going to have to do some serious clean-up work when he got back to the Science and Research Division, and second, poor Tsubokura Rin was going to need a few days off to recover. He felt his sense of superiority was justified with regard to this. After a day of keeping Abisara from setting anything important on fire, or from melting a steel laboratory table with some dangerous concoction, as well as keeping Vindula out of trouble, period, at least he didn’t need medication for his nerves.

There were times, however, that he thought his training with the 11th Division had been an excellent preparatory course in caring for children.

“And how do your family and your pets fare, my Sixth Espada?”

Renji heard the faintest of exhalations and he only heard that because he sat next to the woman who made it. Karin sat beside her mate, and Renji found it reassuring that someone else thought this whole thing was a massive waste of time and energy. Grimmjow reached up, scratched the back of his head with his nails, and then gave a yawn that would have made Starrk proud, if the First hadn’t already dozed off.

“Things are fine. The mate keeps me happy…” and despite the fact Renji could only see a sliver of the Espada’s face, from his position, he could distinctly hear some pent up lust in Grimmjow’s voice, “…and the freak here keeps my kid’s medical records up to date.”

“Is that all?”

Grimmjow made a face, looked back at Karin and there seemed to be some kind of unspoken back and forth conversation going on. Renji actually felt like an eavesdropper watching them, and turned his gaze back to the floor. Being in the hindmost spot, now that Grimmjow had an active Claim on the scientist, actually helped Renji. He was able to observe discretely each of his former colleagues, without attracting much notice. Unfortunately, the clothing that Szayel had chosen for this little dog and pony show wasn’t exactly subtle, or masculine for that matter. Nemu could make her butterfly-embroidered kimono work for her, simply by being Nemu. Renji felt like a fool in his and not even Vindula’s outright admiration for what she thought was a pretty pattern could make him like it. Abisara, always the more observant of the two, told his sister that it just showed the world who he took care of the most.

Renji hoped it would be at least a few more years before they figured out what it really signified.

It was just another indignity he had to live with, as those around him did, more or less. At least, Renji thought silently, the one who truly held his Claim wasn’t physically present and didn’t follow the son-of-a-bitch lounging in what was rightfully the late Soutaichou’s chair. In addition, she’d given him something useful to do while he pretended to be Szayel’s loyal dog. He did not allow himself to dwell on her any more than that. He didn’t need to be daydreaming right now. Especially right now.

“My mate finished her final examinations at the Shino�reijutsuin last month.”

“And her marks?”

Grimmjow made a show of thinking about that question, and then shrugged.

“They were great, in the subjects she can actually perform.”

It was no secret that Karin lacked a Zanpakuto and therefore, zanjutsu would probably never be something she would, or could take up. Hakuda and hoho, on the other hand, seemed more Karin’s style. While she would never be a full-fledged Shinigami, the classes she had taken, mostly pertaining to the two disciplines that she could manage, as well as dealing with the Divisions’ bureaucracy, traditions and methods, would help. Out of the corner of his eye, Renji watched Karin’s mouth thin a little and he could guess that she was as irritated as he was at having someone speak for her. Then again, he would have been willing to bet that when Grimmjow’s household made it home, the Sixth was going to get an earful. Grimmjow sat up a little straighter and maybe, Renji mused, he knew it as well.

“Very good. And your daughter, Ajuga?”

Now Grimmjow grinned widely, the picture of a prideful father.

“Getting stronger, faster and better at hunting every month. You’ll notice there are far fewer feral pigs and chickens around these days.”

This time Aizen seemed genuinely amused, his brown eyes crinkling at the corners.

“Yes, your child seems to be quite adept at her chosen calling. However, I was referring to the incident with the clothesline in District 32. The one that, as it unfolded, included a beekeeper, a vegetable stand and at least two wooden carts. I believe there was also a torch involved. A pity about that… it was such a nice residential neighborhood too.”

Renji listened to the laundry list and found that he was actually impressed with the scope of Ajuga’s latest unintended mischief. Even at their most clever, he and Rukia were never capable of creating the kind of mayhem that Ajuga-chan could pull from thin air. However, to be fair, Renji had heard that the little girl had some help in that regard.

“Yeah, well, if the Fourth’s son hadn’t missed snatching that pig, the animal wouldn’t have been tangled in that fat lady’s kimono, it wouldn’t have gone on a rampage through the District market and the kimono wouldn’t have caught fire because it wouldn’t have encountered that fool with the lantern and the bottle of sake…”

Uh oh, Renji thought, watching Ulquiorra’s bright green eyes narrow, here it comes.

“My son is perfectly capable of hunting from the air. Unfortunately, he does not find that flying into a cloud of stinging insects, stirred up by someone’s daughter colliding with the hives, improves his aim.”

“Seems to me your son ought to have seen the damn things while he was airborne and warned her they were there in the first place,” Grimmjow shot back, a gleam in his eye now.

“Perhaps, if your daughter had done the proper amount of reconnaissance of the area first, Diaemus would have known a beekeeper kept his hives in that yard,” Ulquiorra went on, until a new voice interrupted him.

“That… was Hana-chan’s mistake, actually.”

The Sixth and the Fourth paused in the middle of their disagreement and all heads turned towards the spot where Starrk knelt. Well, Renji considered, calling what the First Espada was doing ‘kneeling’ was generous. It looked more like lounging while propped up on one arm.

“Hana said she thought a potter operated out of that house, what with all the ceramics stacked everywhere. She mapped out the route those two followed. Her mother made her go over and clean up the mess. She’s doing chores for him until she makes up for what they broke.”

The huge yawn that followed almost covered the grin on the guy’s face.

Grimmjow and Ulquiorra gave one another a look and whatever simmering dispute there was between them evaporated, or was at least shoved onto a back burner.

“I added to Diaemus’ task list as well, as a punishment.”

“Ajuga’s busy scrubbing the floors of the Estate, carrying water from the well to do it,” Grimmjow added. “Her mother and I think that will keep her busy for a while.”

Aizen raised one eyebrow at that, but seemed to think that the repercussions handed down by the miscreants’ parents would suffice. Whether it would keep the three children behaved for long was debatable, however.

“See that it does. Now, on to my Seventh. I trust you’ve been giving your master no trouble?”

Szayel kept his head low, his golden eyes firmly on his knees. Renji had to work to keep his face free of the glee he felt. While he had no desire to imagine the scientist writhing beneath Grimmjow, just knowing the Espada had to endure what he’d once forced on the redhead, all in order to remain an adult was a form of sweet justice. The irony of the crack in his mask, similar to the one Nel had suffered due to his actions, wasn’t lost on him either. He took the inside of his cheek between a few molars and bit down, silencing himself as a precaution. It was good practice, since the topic of Szayel’s ‘pets’ would come around soon enough.

“I’ve performed any and all tasks Karin-sama has ordered during the last year.”

“And have your own ‘pets’ lived up to your expectations?”

To his credit, Szayel never missed a beat, and didn’t hesitate in answering.

“Nemu has been exemplary as both an assistant and as a mate. I have not had to use my Claim over her in well over five years, Kami-sama. I could not be more pleased to have her by my side.”

“What about your other ‘pet’?”

Renji swore that Aizen put some emphasis on the word ‘pet’ there, just for his benefit. He felt his cheeks warm a little but fought down the urge to shudder in revulsion. He also kept his expression as neutral as possible. There were a lot of eyes on him at the moment and while he hated the sensation of being scrutinized, he also had to play the role assigned him.

Szayel’s reply made it sound as if he was describing a piece of outdated lab equipment.

“Abarai knows his place now. He knows the lengths to which I’m willing to go. I keep the muttonhead busy with menial tasks, heavy lifting, errands and other things that won’t tax his feeble mind too terribly. He’s also proved quite useful as a nanny and a guard for our children. The twins have so far thrived under his care.”

He’d expected some sort of off-handed dig and he wasn’t disappointed. Still, ‘muttonhead’ was going a bit too far in Renji’s opinion.

“And he’s given you no grief about refreshing the Claim?”

Aizen’s voice actually sounded interested in that bit of information, the damned pervert. No doubt, he was enjoying the idea of embarrassing Renji in front of his fellow captives. If that was the case, Aizen was going to go wanting on this one. Szayel gave a snort that managed to sound both derisive and dismissive at the same time.

“None. I believe that he’s now aware that keeping his Zanpakuto in one piece is more important than keeping his pride intact.”

Keep looking at the floor… just keep looking at the floor and you won’t be tempted to throttle him. This is not the place to lose your temper, Renji told himself over and over.

The pink menace had actually told the truth, after a fashion; Renji hadn’t made one complaint about the fact that a gorgeous, powerful woman was willing to cast her Claim on him in secret. Her demands had been few and that had been a relief. Still, having to pretend to follow the Seventh Espada’s demands grated on his nerves, more than he wanted to admit. Having to follow Karin’s orders irked him as well, but then again, Karin hadn’t issued many of those.

“Congratulations on teaching that one to hold his tongue and obey orders. I didn’t think it could be done by ordinary methods,” Aizen drawled, and then leaned his cheek on one curled fist. “It appears to have worked.”

You just keep thinking that, you sadist. Someday, when you least expect it, you’re going to find out just how well I ‘behave’.

That thought was the sole comfort Renji allowed himself while under ‘Kami-sama’s’ gaze.

“What of your twins? Do keep in mind that we haven’t got all afternoon to hear about how advanced your progeny are. The abbreviated version of their accomplishments will do.”

Szayel thankfully took heed of the warning that Aizen tacked on to the end of his question. The scientist kept his boasting to about ten minutes, rather than the two hour brag-fest of which Renji knew he was capable. He also heard a couple of muted groans and a ‘here we go again’ from around the room.

Nevertheless, if Szayel was the one that got to proclaim to the world how great his heirs were, Renji knew that he could take a large chunk of the credit for that. Szayel might ascribe their smarts to his own contribution to their genetic mix and their looks to their mother, but Renji had been the one holding their hands while they reached each new milestone, each new skill. He saw to their needs, fed, clothed, bathed them, dried tears, answered questions to the best of his knowledge and settled fights between the two siblings without resorting to the tactics outlined in the Zaraki Kenpachi School of Mediation. He did this from dawn until well after dusk. Their first words, their first steps… Renji had been present for all of those and more. He told himself that he had every right to feel the small amount of pride that burned in his chest when Szayel got going about the twins. Szayel and Nemu might have been the ones to create them, but they were just as much Renji’s, by right of sweat, exhaustion and diaper changes.

He gave them the kind of care that any child ought to expect from an adult and with the pride came an equal amount of grim determination. When Nemu placed them in his arms as infants, a shocking sign of trust considering that Aizen had been by only an hour earlier, Renji made the first of many vows. Neither Abisara nor Vindula would ever know the kind of pathetic excuse for a childhood he’d endured in the Inuzuri. They would never know the kind of hunger, fear, worry and day-to-day want that had been his and Rukia’s lot for so long. They would never see the kind of casual brutality he came to expect from the time he could walk. Not if he could help it.

If the experiment he’d done with Nel’s little pot of meadow grass held true for other living things, and if he could figure out how to get the passage to the Dangai open, he’d also be able to fulfill the second vow he’d made: to protect their lives with his own. He’d get Vindula and Abisara, and hopefully their mother as well, the hell out of the Seireitei if things ever truly went south with Aizen.

Now, if he could just keep Szayel from crowing too loudly about the kids. As the twins had grown older, the nagging fear that dogged his steps when they were infants came back to gnaw at him more and more often. At some point, Aizen might want a demonstration of just how wonderful Abisara and Vindula were. The last thing Renji wanted was for the tyrant to start showing more than a passing interest in his charges. He’d heard Nemu similarly, though more gently, warning her mate about it as well.

“Yes, yes. I see. I’m glad to hear they’re progressing so nicely, considering their unorthodox gestation and birth, as well as whom you have acting as a nursemaid. You’ve made your point Szayel.”

To everyone’s collective relief, the pink-haired scientist fell silent, while Renji irritably wondered if that last dig at him was really necessary. Unfortunately, the brief peace shattered as the loud, obnoxious voice of the Tenth filled the room.

“Finally! You talk too much, Pinky!”

Szayel bristled a little, but held his tongue as the hulking creature that ranked last in the room made his presence known. Now Renji really had to grit his teeth. Yammy Llargo, built like a concrete wall and with an equal amount of gravel for brains, had the floor. The man kneeling, not behind him but beside him, hair styled like a high-class geisha, kept his head bowed in the most subservient of poses. From across the room, Renji glanced up in time to see his former Taichou’s chin lifted by one, fat finger.

“Hey, Chicchai-Hime, let everyone see how pretty you look! See, Aizen-Kami, I’m taking good care of him. He enjoys my attentions too. It’s nice havin’ someone to come home to after a hard day fighting! Even if he has to help that bitch over there do his job.”

To say Yammy was disliked was an understatement, though not every face in the room held disapproval. The First seemed asleep, the Second looked as if he could care less what Yammy did with his possessions and the Fifth made a show of examining his fingernails. The Fourth’s normally blank expression never really changed, but he did look away and Renji got the impression that the green-eyed Espada didn’t want to deal with the moron.

What he could see of the Third’s face surprised him, though. The blonde appeared to have the same level of disgust in her eyes that briefly flashed across Hitsugaya-Taichou’s face before that icy mask of his was back. The looks on the faces of the remainder of the ‘pets’ in the room ranged from carefully-schooled neutrality, like Hitsugaya, all the way to naked pity on Orihime’s part. Even Unohana-Taichou, sitting in her usual seat below Aizen’s hunched her shoulders forward a little in sympathy for the former officer.

Watching the display, Renji wanted nothing more than to rip the massive thug’s arm off and beat him with it until that ridged skull caved in and whatever rattled around in its echoing depths went rolling towards the nearest gutter. Several others seemed to share his opinion, and unlike Renji, didn’t have to hold those opinions back.

“Aww, is poor Yammy all upset he has to let his pet work?” Grimmjow taunted.

“Fuck you Grimmjow,” Yammy snarled. “You’re just jealous that my Chicchai-Hime is prettier than that scrag you mated,” he growled back, “an’ he can follow orders like a good little bitch without back talking,” he added smugly.

The Sixth, meanwhile, openly bristled at the insult to his mate.

“You couldn’t handle a real woman. No wonder you wanted a weak lap dog to screw,” Grimmjow hissed back. He looked like he was about to say more, but the angry look Karin gave her mate caused him to bite his tongue.

“I need Kuchiki Byakuya’s abilities as an administrator right now, Yammy. Surely you don’t mean to weaken one of my Divisions, when I need them the most?”

Aizen’s smooth voice, slicing like sharpened steel through the suddenly tense atmosphere in the room, brought a look to Yammy’s face that if possible, made it seem even uglier and foul than normal. To Renji’s dismay, the finger trailed up Byakuya’s cheek to pat the man on the head, as if he were some kind of canine. When he spoke again, Yammy sounded cross and more than a little petulant.

“No, Kami-sama,” he said sullenly.

“If that’s all, then I believe we’re done here. I find great comfort that your pets please you and I hope that they will continue to do so throughout the coming year.”

The speech was a familiar one, also serving as a dismissal. Aizen rose from his seat and Gin, looking more and more wraithlike each time Renji caught a glimpse of him, took his teacup. Renji was going to need a new set of teeth soon; grinding his molars together in frustration couldn’t be good for them in the long term. He watched the bastard glide from the hall as if he had all of the worlds, Living and otherwise, in the palm of his hand, probably headed for the First Division. Gin floated behind him silently, almost a Hollow himself, a trailing wisp of what he’d once been. Unohana, after a few minutes, seemed to gather herself together with her usual dignity and gave the assembled Espada a bow. Then she excused herself as well. Renji envied her escape to the 4th Division, but that was all he envied of her lot.

One-by-one the Espada vacated the hall, some taking more time to do so than others. Barragan, as usual, was the first to leave, Yumichika and a constantly-glowering Soi Fon following behind. Renji didn’t even have a chance to speak to the man he’d had tea with a year ago, but he really hadn’t expected that anyway. Those purple eyes never glanced his way either. If Yumichika decided that the risk of a conversation was too great, Renji wasn’t even going to make the attempt to speak to Soi Fon.

Once Barragan swept out, Nnoitra and Harribel were the next to depart, though neither seemed like they wanted the other at their back while exiting. The result was a strange sort of staring contest between the two, while Rangiku used the precious time to hug Hitsugaya, to the point where the younger man’s eye began to twitch. Nnoitra finally relented and ushered Rangiku out quickly and ahead of the Third. The only female in the bunch gently placed a hand on Toshiro’s shoulder and he nodded in reply to whatever it was she’d said. Renji was too far away to hear it.

Orihime and Ukitake had crossed the room to speak to Karin and exchange hugs. Starrk remained sprawled out where he was, the picture of indolence. The Sixth and the Fourth Espada gave each other a respectable amount of personal space while their women and Ukitake briefly socialized. Ulquiorra finally drew the human girl away, wrapping his arm around her shoulders as they made for home.

In the meantime, Szayel helped Nemu to her feet and whispered in her ear, probably adding something to the afternoon’s schedule before squeezing her hand. She dutifully disappeared in a burst of Shunpo. Renji began to get to his feet when Yammy, apparently unaware that the conversation and the Claim meeting with Aizen had ended, decided to finish the verbal match he’d started with Grimmjow. If he couldn’t talk back to ‘Kami-sama’, the brute had decided that he’d make do with the next best thing. The ill-smelling ogre took a few menacing steps forward and put his hands of his hips. His stance seemed designed to piss off someone like Grimmjow.

“I think you whine about ‘real women’ because you can’t keep your pets under control,” Yammy taunted. “Just like how you let your pet bitch Szayel talk forever about his fuckin’ brats and about how good his pets are, how he has such a good handle on ‘em. Well, that tool ‘o his obeyed me just fine too…”

Tool?

Renji, startled, looked up to see the massive lout pointing one meaty digit…

…straight at him.

What the hell…?

Confused, the redhead stared back at the Tenth, who had a wide, nasty, almost triumphant smile on his face.

What does he mean, ‘obey him too’?

Then he noticed that Szayel had gone deathly pale and stood stock-still next to the Sixth. Grimmjow didn’t seem to notice the faint trembling in Szayel’s hands, at least not at first…

…not until Renji heard Karin gasp out loud and stare at Szayel’s back, dark eyes filled with shock, only to have that replaced by a growing amount of disbelief and dismay.

Ukitake reached out to take Karin’s elbow, as if to steady her, when Grimmjow’s hand shot out. It fisted in the material of Szayel’s uniform, just under his high collar and the Sixth drew the Seventh Espada eyeball-to-eyeball. His electric-blue gaze bored into Szayel’s golden one, suspicious and suddenly furious.

“What did you do?”

The question was rude and abrupt and what Renji didn’t understand was why Szayel wasn’t looking at Grimmjow. Instead, his fear-filled eyes seemed focused exclusively on Karin.

What is that asshole talking about?

Renji, to the best of his knowledge, had never obeyed the Tenth. Hell, he’d actively avoided that Arrancar, ever since the first of Aizen’s little Espada meet-and-greet parties, shortly after his restoration. The ‘stay away’ warning look in Byakuya’s eyes was enough to keep him from crossing the room to talk to his former Taichou.

He also didn’t understand why Szayel wasn’t answering Grimmjow. Instead, he’d turned pleading yellow eyes at Karin, as if trying to get her to understand something.

It was as if he was begging her, not Grimmjow, for some kind of mercy.

Bewildered now, Renji’s eyes fell on one of the two people in the room that remained nearly motionless. Yammy had let Byakuya’s head go when he’d stalked forward and the noble now huddled on the floor, almost prostrate, head low enough that Renji could no longer see the man’s face.

His hands, however, looked white and bloodless, clenched so tightly they shook.

“I asked you, what did you do?” Grimmjow yelled now, and shook Szayel. Before the scientist could explain, Yammy spat out an answer that made everyone in the room freeze in their tracks.

“Che, he let me borrow that one, to show my Chicchai-Hime I meant business when I said he wasn’t allowed anything from his life before me!”

Borrow?

This fucker ‘borrowed’ me?

For what?

Renji’s heard a small sob, coming not from Szayel but from Karin as the young woman’s eyes grew wider and she clapped both hands over her mouth.

He had no memories of being ‘loaned out’ and that told him that whatever Szayel had allowed to happen occurred after the scientist had initiated his ‘experiment’ on Renji’s Zanpakuto. A small knot of ice began to form in his bowels, the cold spreading out to his stomach, his limbs and his lungs. He knew dread when he felt it, had experienced it many, many times in the past under as many different circumstances.

This was different. This was the first time he’d ever felt it after something awful had happened.

Whatever it was, Szayel had apparently tried to keep it hidden from his ‘master’ and from Karin… and it had involved him and Byakuya somehow.

Renji tried to swallow and discovered his mouth had dried up.

What did Szayel let that slab of meat do with me?

There was a loud rushing sound in his ears now, a noise that did nothing to blot out the heated exchange going on a few feet in front of him. Renji’s eyes were glued to the prostrate figure on the floor. For some reason, he couldn’t look away from Byakuya’s humiliated form, try as he might and he found he was breathing faster, his throat tightening. Dread had changed to an outright panic attack and a fat drop of sweat trickled down Renji’s temple, to fall on the sleeve of his butterfly-festooned kimono.

What did he make me do?

“I thought he only wanted to use him to administer a beating for disobedience… “

“WHAT DID YOU FUCKING DO, SZAYEL??!!” Grimmjow barked, his fangs bared and his face now inches away from the other. Szayel’s look of abject terror went to new heights as he tried to finish his explanation.

“I didn’t realize what he was going to order Abarai to do until I walked in on them!”

The answer hung there, a string of frightened syllables hovering above all of their heads like a toxic, stinking cloud. The only ones that the words hadn’t immobilized were Yammy and Renji.

The redhead found his feet moving backwards, an instinctual ‘flight’ maneuver he had no control over. The rushing sound had turned into a roar. Renji tried to retreat, until he felt something solid at his back. He was against the wall and found he could go no farther.

Yammy spat on the floor, a self-satisfied expression on his brutish features and the monster’s next words had the echo of nails being driven into the wood of a coffin.

“He obeyed me real good. He woulda’ kept at my Chicchai-Hime all night if I wanted him to. You should have seen the blood running down their thighs, painting them a pretty pink. He was going at it so long and hard the blood was drying and damn near fused them together,” Yammy laughed madly. “Then Pinky here had to come in and ruin the party,” he growled. “Th’ fuck’s got some stamina, gotta give him that...”

All of the blood drained from Renji’s face.

He can’t mean…

His vision suddenly tunneled, grey tendrils seeping in around the edges of his awareness until the only thing he could see was the body of his once-superior officer, huddled in abject misery in the middle of the room. Overlaying that was the mental image that Yammy’s ugly words bestowed upon them. 

In his mind’s eye he saw himself pinning Byakuya to the floor beneath him, his mindless body thrusting into the pale one trapped beneath him as he struggled in pain, dull grey eyes begging him to stop as crimson liquid pooled on the floor beneath them.

All of a sudden, the redhead understood the flash of fear he’d seen in Byakuya’s dark eyes at the party. He’d taken it as a warning, but that wasn’t right.

He’d been afraid of Renji himself.

Oh, gods… no…

No, please no, not that…

Please…

Renji’s legs suddenly lacked the strength to support his weight and if he hadn’t been leaning against the wood of the back wall, he would have fallen. Yammy’s noxious voice continued to hammer at him, beating him down to the cadence of his own thundering heartbeat.

“I keep tellin’ him if he doesn’t behave, I’ll have his friend over for another…”

“You’ll do no such thing!”

Karin now stood between Szayel and Grimmjow, and the Tenth, tears pouring down her cheeks, eyes red and expression furious.

“Eh?”

“Szayel is my property and everything he owns, I own. Abarai-san is off-limits, you bastard. Come near him again and I’ll deck you, just like last time.”

The two other Espada, pink and blue, were caught off-guard by Karin’s bold statement as well as the fact that she’d confronted Yammy, delivering her ultimatum to his face through clenched teeth.

The huge Arrancar scowled down at the young woman, momentarily puzzled by why anyone was willing to backtalk to him. Then his mug contorted into a hideous mask of fury and he angrily raised his fist over his head. It happened so quickly that Grimmjow barely had time to react. With a yell, he tossed Szayel to the side, pulling Pantera at the same time that Ukitake lunged for Karin’s kimono, hoping to pull her to safety.

The blow never fell.

“I think it’s time to call it a day…”

Yammy’s heavy fist was blocked by Starrk’s hand. The First Espada, clothing rustling in the movement of air created by when he’d intercepted the Tenth’s hand, looked back at Karin first, brown eyes meeting hers. Then they flickered to Grimmjow, who had a hand on his mate’s upper arm.

“Might be a good idea to sort this out somewhere else,” he suggested in his usual lazy drawl and with minimal effort, used his chin to indicate the spot where Renji was busy hyperventilating.

Finally, Starrk looked up at the seething brute that towered over everyone else and snorted irritably, the first real emotion anyone had seen him express that day.

“I’d pay attention to Aizen if I were you. He…” and here Starrk indicated Byakuya’s curled up figure, “…doesn’t look so good to me. Wouldn’t want Kami-sama to find out you’ve been messing around with other people’s things now, right, or hurting the ‘toys’ you do have, to the point where they won’t function anymore?”

Renji barely heard any of it.

No, please, no… I can’t have done that.

Not to Kuchiki-Taichou…

Not to Rukia’s brother…

It felt as if he was standing underneath a waterfall, the weight of the horrifying revelation slamming him down, drowning him, filling his brain with the din of a thousand rivers coming at him at once combined with Zabimaru in full Bankai mode.

Kami, please…

He knew he was slipping into shock, knew that his brain wasn’t getting enough oxygen because he’d ceased to breathe properly. His fingers digging into the wood grain of the wall, Renji tried to stay upright as the truth tore him up inside.

Szayel had allowed Yammy to order him to rape his helpless Taichou.

He’d raped Kuchiki Byakuya.

Yammy and Starrk stared one another down, before the Tenth growled and stalked out of the meeting hall, his foul temper apparent for all to see. Byakuya rose as if he was pulled by invisible strings and staggered after the one who had Claimed him.

His dark head remained bowed and he met no one’s eyes as he was forced to follow his ‘master’. A dreadful silence filled the room, until Szayel scrambled up from where he’d fallen on the floor.

“Karin-sama, I…”

“Shut up, Szayel. I’ll deal with you back at your Division.”

Her voice was low, thick with unshed tears and bitter with disappointment. Then she turned around slowly, scrubbing at her reddened eyes and she stared at Renji, as if realizing he was still in the room. She appeared to be miles away and he knew his legs wouldn’t perform if she asked him to move. They were only good for propping himself up now, thanks to how badly he shook. Grimmjow let off a string of curses that would have normally earned him an elbow to his side.

“Jushiro, can you help me?” Karin whispered. “He can’t stay here.”

The white-haired Shinigami and the First were at his side in a flash and two pairs of hands settled on him, subtly getting Renji’s trembling form between them. Ukitake took a good look at him with the one eye that still worked and grimaced.

“Let’s go Abarai-san.”

Starrk stayed silent, but Renji knew better than to try to fight either of them. Rather, he hung limply in their grasp. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Grimmjow pull Karin towards him, settling her against his chest and then haul Szayel up by his collar with the other. The Sixth gave the Seventh a glare that promised a world of hurt if the other dared open his mouth.

Then he was moving quickly, dragged by Starrk’s Sonido out of the hall and towards the Science Division. White walls and red rooftops blurred into nothing more than streaks of color, his mind too overloaded to cope with processing anything more difficult than his next breath. He was dizzy and off-balance and the sharp movements suddenly became too much for him. Renji shuddered and the one on his right tightened their hold on him.

“Starrk, wait!”

He heard Ukitake shout out a warning. The world, the blue sky and cold winter air and his surroundings suddenly came into sharp focus as the three of them arrived at an abrupt collective stop in the middle of some anonymous walkway.

Renji had about two seconds to come to grip with the fact that he was no longer in motion before he was violently sick, puking his guts out onto the pale stone of the walkway. His stomach heaved until it had nothing left to divulge. He coughed, the stench of what he’d surrendered to the sidewalk making him gag all over again. His headband at least kept his hair out of the way, and both Ukitake and Starrk had stepped back a few paces to keep from getting splattered.

The state of his clothing, speckled with vomit, no longer mattered to Renji.

As far as he was concerned, he would never be truly clean again.

He didn’t know how long he’d stood there, stooped over, retching. Briefly aware that one of the two had left and quickly returned, he started violently when something cold and wet touched his face. Looking up, he found Ukitake pressing a wet ribbon of cloth against his forehead. It turned out to be part of the older man’s sleeve, its embroidered moon and coyote motif folded over to serve as a makeshift blotter.

“Abarai-san… come on. We need to get you back now,” Ukitake murmured, hoisting him up as best he could. Starrk made an impatient noise in the back of his throat and took the other. The redhead had enough presence of mind to nod, his wet skin a distraction from the nausea that still clawed at his innards. He shivered, and not just from the chill.

They walked the rest of the way, past the old 12th Division gate, through the doors of the Science Division. They encountered several startled staff members who took one look at the three of them and fled, clipboards and data sheets fluttering after them as they made themselves scarce. Renji heard Ukitake ask one of the white-coated researchers if they’d seen Karin, Grimmjow and Szayel. The man pointed down a corridor that Renji knew well and scuttled away quickly. Evidently, they’d made it back while Renji was busy decorating the pavement with his breakfast.

“Can you stand?”

Starrk’s question probably deserved an answer, but Renji wasn’t sure if he was capable of either opening his mouth without screaming or remaining upright without sinking to his hands and knees. He knew Ukitake; the former Taichou was the sort that would stay with him until he could get over this. Unfortunately, that wasn’t what he needed right now.

He needed to find Karin.

He needed to find Szayel.

He needed to do something that Nel’s Claim wouldn’t allow him to do while Starrk and Ukitake looked on.

He needed to make someone pay.

“Yeah,” he lied and then shrugged himself out of their hands.

Taking two wobbly steps, he put his palms out and leaned against the hallway wall, letting his head fall between his arms. His earlier dizziness came back, but this time he managed to stamp it down, keeping his eyes locked onto a single point on the floor until things stopped spinning.

“Abarai, maybe you should go to the 4th…” Ukitake suggested, or tried to suggest it.

“No!” Renji almost shouted and then shook his head. “No… I… I just need to be alone. Thank you, Ukitake-san. I can make it to my room from here.”

“But…”

“Let the man go.”

It wasn’t exactly an order on Starrk’s part and the weary understanding he heard in it made Renji’s gut clench all over again.

Ukitake frowned at his ‘master’ and it seemed as if he actually wanted to argue with Starrk, but he snapped his jaw shut once he’d taken another look at Renji. For some reason, it didn’t seem that he’d done so because of the Claim, but because he’d read something in the Espada’s stoic expression. Renji could only imagine what he looked like right now, but there was no mistaking the pity in the older man’s eyes, and the sorrow.



“It wasn’t your fault, Abarai-san.”

The redhead shut his eyes tight. He didn’t want to hear any more. He didn’t want to see any more. He didn’t deserve the compassion that was there.

Not after what he’d done.

“Please…” he whispered raggedly, “Just go. Please.”

Finally, when the sound of two pairs of feet receded back down the hall, headed for the entrance, Renji felt safe enough to push himself back and continue his trip down the corridor on less-than-steady legs. Word had apparently gone out that something was amiss in the building; he saw no one as he made his way towards the faint sounds of an argument in progress. Even if he couldn’t make out the words, he could tell Karin and Szayel were yelling back and forth at one another.

The initial shock had subsided, but the adrenaline still coursing through his veins helped keep him moving and lent fuel to the flame growing in his now-empty stomach.

He was past the point of calling it by its proper name: rage.

It boiled, scorched, and consumed, temporarily keeping at bay the mountain of self-loathing and guilt that threatened to bury him if he slowed down. It gave him the strength to put one foot in front of the other, slowly at first and then faster, until the corridor walls were a blur and the only thing he could see was the crack of light shining from a slightly open door at its end.

Renji blew through the door, hearing the metal actually creak on its hinges just before the huge ‘BANG’ created when the handle impacted with the wall. A few items that he couldn’t be bothered to identify fell from the long shelves mounted against it and shattered when they struck the ceramic tiles on the floor. At least one had been made of glass because he could distantly hear the slight crunching of the shards under the soles of his sandals and even that faded beneath the howling that filled his head.

He didn’t know if it came from his Zanpakuto, Zabimaru’s white-hot anger pulsing in time with his as it roared to life, or if the sound poured from his own mouth as he identified his target. What little of his rational mind was left saw that Szayel and Karin were on opposite sides of a laboratory dissection table, engaged in another argument that Karin seemed to be winning. Grimmjow was nowhere in sight.

That suited Renji just fine. He didn’t need the Sixth stepping in to stop him from killing his pet.

He could guess what they’d been discussing, but he no longer cared.

He needed to finish this.

He needed to finish Szayel.

Then, if he had the strength of will, he would end himself.

Karin had been the one facing the door, which gave her a sporting chance when it came to getting out of the way of Renji’s all-out assault. She dove to the left as the he launched himself, screaming incoherently, at the Espada. The two collided with the table, overturning it, the edge of the metal top screeching as Renji’s momentum carried them to the other side of the room. Szayel’s back slammed into a storage rack full of glass beakers along the far wall, the former Fukutaichou’s full weight behind his shoulder as it impacted Szayel’s chest. Renji’s fingers struck out with the speed of a serpent to close around Szayel’s neck. Glass containers rained down as the adrenaline fueled attack took them to the ground with a massive crash.

Renji tried his best to choke the living shit out of Szayel while the scientist lay momentarily stunned beneath the redhead. He used his greater size and weight to press down, rather than trying to cut through a Hierro he knew he couldn’t breach with his bare hands. He barely felt the flashes of pain as Szayel’s fingernails, as sharp as surgical knives, frantically slashed at his arms, his chest, even the side of his face. Something black obscured his vision for a few seconds and his headband landed on the body struggling for air below him.

Those few seconds allowed Szayel to get enough leverage to shove him back, though it wasn’t enough to break Renji’s hold on his throat. One of Szayel’s hands raked along his scalp, cutting the tie there. His scarlet hair fell around him and blood dripped into his eyes from the head wound but he would be damned if he was going to let go now. With another bloodthirsty scream, his clenched fist made contact with the Espada’s jaw. Renji heard something in his hand ‘snap’ and break, but the adrenaline kept him from feeling too much pain. Szayel’s head whipped back from the force behind it and the back of his skull connected with the edge of a shelf.

Karin screeched something over and over behind him, something he couldn’t hear. It was something he decided he didn’t want to hear lest he was forced to acknowledge it. His thundering pulse rendered it inaudible anyway. He pulled his fist back once more and chanted one of the few Kido incantations that he knew by heart:

“"Ye lord! Mask of blood and flesh…”

He whispered the words savagely, his voice crackling with all of the hate he felt, had ever felt, for the Espada.

“…all creation, flutter of wings…”

Any concessions he’d made because of Uryuu’s bargain were gone, rendered meaningless with the revelation of Szayel’s perfidy.

He’d allowed Yammy to use Renji's body to hurt the brother of the woman he cared for, the man he’d served, the noble he respected. A sharper, deeper pain bloomed in his side and his mind registered that Szayel had found a long enough shard of glass while groping around for a weapon and had used it to stab him somewhere between his fourth and fifth rib. Warmth poured down his side; he knew he was bleeding and in his present state of mind, he simply didn’t give a fuck. Once he killed Szayel, once this very necessary task was done, his blood loss would make his last task much easier. On the other hand, he could simply hope that the offensive Kido blast he was working up to took them both out before Grimmjow got there to save the son of a bitch. He also hoped that Karin, now trained, knew what he was doing and ran for her life.

“…ye who bears the name of Man! Inferno and pandemonium…”

Nel had said not to kill him, unless Szayel hurt him first and he was going to take advantage of the loophole she’d conveniently left open.

There simply wasn’t a word for this kind of ‘hurt’. A word like that, Renji thought, shouldn’t exist in the first place. Szayel had hurt him in the worst possible way, handed him over to someone who had turned him into the worst kind of filth. He was no longer fit to be anywhere near the twins. He was no longer fit to touch Nel, or any other innocent being. He was no longer worthy of the title of ‘Shinigami’, no longer good enough for the uniform, no longer worthy of anything more than trying to die to make amends and taking the fucker who had allowed it to happen with him.

There were more shallow stabs to his abdomen, to his thigh. Then Szayel landed a deeper blow that sank into the meat of his bicep, but Renji dismissed it; he was almost done with his incantation. It would be over soon. He’d tried this once before with Szayel, during that long ago battle he’d ended up losing. Just like that time, his Zanpakuto was unavailable to him and he’d had to resort to hand-to-had combat.

This time… this time he was going to make sure he got things right.

“…the sea barrier surges, march on…”

Then he heard it.

Maybe his brain noticed it because he’d spent nearly three years primed to listen for the sounds of an unhappy child. Maybe it was because he used to make such sounds himself, long before he’d learned that children’s tears were worthless in the 78th District. Whatever the reason, the thin, high wail cut through the tempest going on in his head, dampened the blaze that urged him to finish the words that would fire off a red blast of Kido directly into his opponent’s face. It also, unfortunately, allowed the madness that gripped him to drain away just long enough for Karin’s order, screamed directly into his ear, to finally register with his gray matter

“RENJI!! STOP!!!”

That ended it completely. The Claim tightened to the point of strangulation, forcing him to drop the Espada, who wasted no time in getting out of Renji’s reach. Nevertheless, the crying continued and for the second time that day, true horror blossomed in Renji’s gut as he realized who made it.

Nel’s Claim allowed him to turn around just enough to see Vindula standing a foot away from the wide open door, well inside the room. Her eyes, so much like Szayel’s, were full of tears, big fat ones that poured down her cheeks as she stared at Renji in a sobering mixture of confusion, shock and fear. Too late, he remembered that Tsubokura would have brought the twins back from the park at this hour. A glance down at her feet revealed scattered twigs laden with red bittersweet berries on the floor where they’d landed. Their color was the same as the blood he was currently dripping all over the lab…

…the smeared crimson splattering her father’s white uniform…

…the blood trickling into his mouth and eyes, spreading over his shredded ‘formal’ kimono, soaking into the pink and purple butterflies embroidered into the heavy silk.

Her small hands were clenched together under her chin as she huddled, terrified, near the door. She’d dropped the twigs when she’d seen what was going on, but that was as far as she’d gotten before the sight of Renji pummeling her sire paralyzed her. The redhead knew what kind of beast he resembled right now. He’d seen plenty of monstrous adults as a kid, cruelty and base desires twisting their features, making them seem less like souls and more like animals.

“Vindula-chan…” he tried to croak out, to try to regain some resemblance to the man she knew as her guardian.

“No, ‘Ji-ji’! Why?” she sobbed, half-hysterical at the sight of her beloved caretaker, injured and bloodied, fighting with her father. What violence was left in Renji drained away, leaving an empty pit in his midsection that grew with every passing second.

A flash of white cloth, pink hair and red splashes cut off the view he had of his small, female charge. Szayel reached down, pulled his frightened and upset daughter into his arms and left in a burst of Sonido, never looking back.

It would be the last Renji would see of her for almost a month.

His vision began to blur and he wasn’t sure if that was due to the blood loss that his body had finally gotten around to acknowledging or to the despair busy filling the place that his fury had once occupied.

“Renji, what the hell…?” he heard Karin say, but the only thing filling his brain now was image of the little girl he cherished in tears and terrified to death of him.

He’d been wrong.

There was a far worse level of hurt out there, worse than what Szayel had caused, and this time, he’d done it to himself.

He tilted his head back in anguish and howled.

A few minutes later Grimmjow stalked into the laboratory, took in the amount of destruction with a look of utter disbelief and went immediately to his mate’s side. A distraught Nemu followed closely behind, her face stormy as she took in Renji’s crouched figure. He was dimly aware of her moving around him on his opposite side, sidestepping the overturned furniture, the glass and the rest of the mess.

Renji expected the Sixth to punish him in some way, in response for the attack on his ‘pet’, but all he did was pull Karin carefully away from where he was hunched over. The blue-haired Espada said something to her about Nemu seeing to things here and to ‘go get the princess – she’ll deal with the damage’ and he caught the words ‘off the fucking deep end’ and ‘keep him down for a while.’

Renji couldn’t move, couldn’t think, couldn’t take his rightful revenge thanks to the Claim and to top it off, he’d just done exactly what he swore he’d never do: make either of the twins experience or witness the kind of trauma, the kind of mindless brutality he’d suffered as a boy. Vindula had seen him, not as her protector, but as a fury-filled monster, a fanged, striped predator full of blood-lust and violence.

He wondered how many vows he could break in one damned day.

The needle Nemu used to sedate him slammed into his shoulder, and she wasn’t particularly gentle about it. Whatever it was burned as it spread throughout his body, at first. Then a kind of blessed numbness, this one taking away the throbbing in his wounds, the hammering of his heart and the sorrow that painfully warped his insides. It brought a creeping darkness with it, one to which he gladly gave himself, if only to escape what he knew, to his deepest despair, would be waiting for him when he woke up.

For now, all he wanted was oblivion.



To be continued...