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Driven to Distraction	By : Raymy Category: Bleach > Yaoi - Male/Male > Byakuya/Renji Views: 3768 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach or its characters. I received no money for this fan fiction.

Chapter List
- 5
- 6
- 7
No sex in this one. Hurt/Comfort, instead. I like to talk a lot and therefore, so do my characters.
ciouscious: thanks for reviewing. I know you’re on Chap.1 but you’ll read this eventually. I don’t think Renji is shy but extremely self-conscious around Byakuya. Also, maybe lacking in confidence on some issues. As for the hair, I have two beautiful artworks of each with their hair down as my desktop wallpaper. With chests bare, they provide plenty of inspiration.
Chapter 6: Disclosure
“Hey, Bya. You awake?” I roll over and spoon him, running my hand down his soft, naked side, nuzzling my face into his silky, black hair. The morning sun is just peaking through the curtains, a muted ray alights on his face. I brace myself on my elbow to lean over and kiss his cheek, then pause to stare at his eyes.
His eyelashes flicker. “I am now,” he mumbles, barely moving his lips.
“I couldn’t sleep anymore. I usually sleep in, but when I replayed last night in my mind, the thought of you next to me got me hard again.” I kiss him again, on the cheekbone and temple next to his eye. My arousal prods his supple butt.
“I noticed. Your morning wood is poking me in my ass,” he smiles. “It seems my mouth is still filthy from last night. I should go clean up.” He slithers out from under me and the covers, his exposed form glinting in the sunbeams as he practically sashays his way to the bathroom. Is he putting that on for me? What a tease!
“Lets both go,” my voice quakes from the sultry vision as I leap from the bed to tag along. I don’t want to let him out of my sight, but he turns at the door and gives me a look that says, ‘give me a little space’ and closes it. “O...K...?” I recoil a little from the dismissal. Not a problem. I’m not some clingy bastard who can’t spend a moment alone.
I settled on doing some of my usual morning workout while I waited. I did crunches and thought about how little we knew about each other; did squats and worried about things I should probably tell him; did push ups and wondered what he would think of my previous lovers.
He didn’t really take long before it was my turn to get through the bathroom routine. I continued to ponder the nature of our new relationship while I freshened up. When I finished, he was reclining on the bed in a hotel robe, hands clasped behind his head. He appeared to be staring at the ceiling, perhaps pondering the same things I was. Since he hadn’t dressed yet, I grabbed another robe hanging on the door and climbed back onto the bed to cuddle. I rested my head on his shoulder with a sigh, less fire in my loins, more snuggle in my heart.
“Bya? I have a confession to make.” I tried to sound cool, no big thing. “When you showed me how to rim? I lied, I had previous exposure to it.” I checked his face, no reaction. “Not doing it, but receiving it. I think I made it seem like I knew nothing.” I waited, hoping he would say something, anything.
“I did get that impression and I thought that you were astoundingly receptive for it being a first time.” He seemed to think for a few seconds and said, “You didn’t lie about needing instruction, entirely, so I think it was a truthful statement. You probably didn’t pay attention before on ‘how to perform it’ as it was new and you might have been overwhelmed at the time. It was to our benefit, as you could concentrate better on learning this time. Don’t worry about it, Renji, It doesn’t bother me.” He seemed relaxed and unconcerned, so I believed him.
“I think I was nervous to talk about experiencing it with someone else while in your arms. You had just confessed your feelings to me and it didn’t seem like good timing,” I explained further.
“Mmm. I understand not wanting to spoil the mood. The history of one’s lovers is not something one can share in the heat of the moment.” I wonder if he was talking about more than my history or my lovers.
“Well, would now be an okay time to share it? It’s just that we should know who each other’s been with so there are no awkward situations.” Except the for the current one.
Byakuya scrunched his eyes shut for a moment, looking pained. He hesitated, then shook his head. “Perhaps there could be a better time, or place.”
“Yeah, I get that it’s uncomfortable, maybe you don’t even want to know who I’ve been with. But I don’t want to wait for some perfect timing, just in case we run into someone and it blows up in my face. Don’t you see? I don’t want keep anything back from you.”
“Mm Hm. In that case, I will listen to what you need to tell me.” He didn’t exactly say we would share, so does that mean it’s just me? Whatever. I said I needed to do this, so here goes.
I take a deep cleansing breath through my nose. “So. The one who rimmed me was Shuuhei.” It occurred to me that he may not know the man by his first name. “Lieutenant Hisagi of the 9th?” He didn’t acknowledge the question. “He’s more like a captain, though, as he’s been doing that job since Tosen’s betrayal.” I was getting a bit wordy, trying hard to be casual with the confession, because he wasn’t giving me any indication of how he felt. “I bottomed for him.” Now I feel like I’m digging my own grave here. “He also initiated the spanking. There’s a guy who takes charge.” I laughed anxiously. Shit. I am such a dipshit. Did I need to reveal that much?
I took another deep breath and exhaled to calm down. “Does it bother you? Me telling you this stuff?” Gods, I hope I haven’t screwed myself.
“Not in the least, Renji. I had heard rumours of your dalliance. Not that I put much stock into rumours. It’s good to know from your lips, though. I won’t deny that I wish I had been your first, but I waited too long. That’s just possessiveness on my part...and pride.” Wow. He’s cool with it. I guess he was silent before to give me space to talk.
“That’s a relief. I don’t want to freak you out.” He smiled and rubbed my shoulder, “Hardly.”
Another inhale and exhale and here I go again. “He’s the last guy I’ve been with and it didn’t last a long time cuz we weren’t really emotionally invested, if you know what I mean. We’re still really good friends, though, and it was my longest relationship. I learned a lot but clearly I have a lot more to learn, so... I guess...” How do I say that he’ll be my teacher now without sounding like I’ve just enrolled in sex school and I’m here for the credits?
“We learn from each other, that goes without saying.” Byakuya interjected before I could sink any further into my mortification. “Thank you, Bya, I didn’t want it to seem like I’m with you just to learn sex tips.” I wrapped my arms around his chest and hugged him in gratitude.
Then I recalled he said he wished he was my first. “He wasn’t my first actual sex partner, though. That was sometime after I graduated from the academy. I’ll get to that in a minute. My first real intimacy happened during my training years, I messed around with Izuru, but just kissing, hand and blow jobs, no fucking.” Again, he may not recognize the first name. “That’s Lieutenant Kira of the 3rd. We were just experimenting, anyway, we weren’t really involved.” I should really listen to myself. I sound so casual and heartless. “He’s a good friend, too. We really do care for each other, it’s just that we weren’t in love, you know? And we were both curious, so it seemed pretty natural at the time.” There. That’s better. I’m not a callous user, really.
“I know it seems odd that it took me so long to start my sexual odyssey, but it honestly didn’t occur to me in the Rukon. We were so busy staying alive, our precious joys were innocent, childlike, and my best friend was Rukia. We didn’t see each other like that, we were family.” So now I come off as naive.
“You don’t have to justify yourself, Renji. I, too, took a long time on my journey. I had many family influences and obligations that kept me from exploring. I was chaste until Hisana.” Whoa. Did not know that. It makes me feel connected in that way, a similar innocence early in our adult lives. That calls for another hug. I look up after and he’s smiling at me with the most understanding eyes.
I didn’t hesitate to continue as I snuggled in close. “After I got into the 11th, I got to know Madarame Ikkaku and Ayasegawa Yumichika and we became close friends. They’re quite open about their sexuality; they partner each other as well as whoever else they like. They were always trying to hook me up, with themselves and others, but I was so inexperienced that I just couldn’t make that first step. It wasn’t until I became your vice-captain that I had enough confidence to go for it. I had an opportunity with Yumi one night, after some saki to fortify my courage. It was straight forward, no extras, and he bottomed for me since I hadn’t done either, before. He thought it would be easier for me.” I stopped my monologue to give him a chance to interject, but he kept quiet, and let me finish.
“That’s it. That’s my sexual history. Except, I did a lot of fantasizing about you, which led to many occasions for self-love,” I snickered.
“I guess we have that in common, then.” He kissed my forehead.
Remembering when I first started to see him that way got me thinking about how my view of Bya has changed over the years. I waited a moment, and cleared my throat.
“You know that I was pissed when you adopted Rukia from the academy, right? I was happy for her, I didn’t want her to think otherwise, but she’s my only family, and I never got to see her again, until I got vice-captain with you.” I tried to keep my voice from sounding accusatory.
“That made me want to fight you, beat you. It’s a possession thing. When you grow up with so little, you value the few things you have.” I needed for him to understand that I was just a kid, really, and so I behaved like one.
“But I’ve matured a lot since then. I realized that she isn’t a possession, and that you did right by her. You probably didn’t even know about us, at the time.” He wasn’t to blame for my anger, I didn’t know about Hisana, either.
“No. I didn’t. Though, I wouldn’t have acted differently if I had. I’m sorry about that. If I was then, who I am now, I would have at least encouraged you to maintain your friendship. I would have conducted myself differently in other circumstances, also.” I looked up at the obvious regret in his voice. Byakuya appeared to show grief on his face as he looked back on that misstep. I pulled myself up to be face to face with him.
I caressed his wrinkled brow and soothed him, “That’s the thing. You have changed. So have I. My opinion of you now, is so high, the foundation of my feelings so strong, you couldn’t do anything to break my loyalty,” I smiled, the depth of my feeling showing in my eyes. I kissed him softly, pecks of love and caring, all over his face and lips.
Byakuya reciprocated the kisses, even a little more urgently. He sighed, “Thank you. I hope I never do. Your faithfulness and belief in me are humbling. Thank you, Ren-luv.”
We resumed kissing and touching, gently stroking each others hair and face. It remained purely emotional, a comfort to each other, until we were both tranquil, resting our foreheads together.
Some time passed and I pulled away from him. I hoped he had recuperated from his slight melancholy, and I thought my next comment would be taken as a tease, to lighten the mood. “So. Are you going to tell me about your past lovers?” The look on his face suggested otherwise. It was something I couldn’t quite place, a cross of pain and fear and confusion. Whoops. Sometimes, Abarai, you just can’t keep your foot out of it!
Byakuya put his expression into a choke hold and wrestled it into submission. “Other than my wife, Hisana, there is only one. I don’t think I’m ready to talk about it, Renji. It feels complicated to me, and I need some time to sort it out in my head.” He wouldn’t look at me as he spoke, staring at the bedroom door instead.
Huh? “Why complicated? I don’t get it. How is talking about someone from your past complicated?” He didn’t answer, but looked at me with worry in his eyes.
Shit. How do I keep causing him pain? “I’m sorry for being pushy,” I tried to atone but was only met with silence.
There wasn’t any more I could think to say so I got up off the bed, and headed for the bedroom door. “I’m gonna go get some juice from the minibar, you want something? Wanna come?”
“No. I’ll be okay here,” he murmured so I turned the doorknob and left him there.
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A/N: **shakes head** I did it again. I have to split up this chapter as I’m only halfway through. I guess I can’t gauge how much filler there will be after I jot down the salient points during my outline. Instead of promising how many chapters are left, I’ll just say that at least I have an ending in sight. Just in case I change my mind and decide to add more.
- 5
- 6
- 7
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Driven to Distraction