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Different Circumstances	By : orionshadow Category: Bleach > Het - Male/Female > Kenpachi/Rangiku Views: 42085 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 3
Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach, nor the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

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Tite Kubo owns Bleach and the characters depicted therein.   The characters in this story are not mine, except for the original characters. I make no money from the publication of this work.

Warning for discussion of suicide.

The Request

Arai immediately positioned himself in front of me. "Not a good idea, nor a good threat. You try to attack the Captain's wife and you'll be dead. I'll kill you, or if I fail, which I won't, Lieutenant Matsumoto will kill you."

A small agile figure pushed in front of Arai and Yachiru spoke up. "You might be fun to kill," she said cheerfully. "You aren't fun any other way. You said you'd defeat Nemu quickly and all you really did was tell her some bad news so she'd find it hard to concentrate on the fight. That's low."

"He protected Orihime," I pointed out, trying to be fair, but felt uncomfortable in defending the Arrancar. I didn't know he'd helped her or added to her problems. Considering his attitude it seemed likely he has increased any troubles she experienced.

"And he just threatened to kill you," Arai said, in disbelief, seemingly at my defence. "And your child? Excuse me, but is it true? Are you pregnant?"

There now seemed little chance of keeping my condition a secret from anyone. Not that I had really been trying, but this was ridiculous and highly embarrassing. "I thought everyone knew," I said, trying to be calm. It was difficult to remain so, yet now was not the time to complain. Sometime in the future my condition would be obvious.

Looking slightly confused for a moment, Arai seemed to think about the situation and then his expression changed. "Now, I am angry. Making those type of threats is wrong and making them in that way indicate a meanness of spirit," he said harshly, a frown on his face. He moved closer to the Arrancar.

Ulquiorra looked at Arai steadily. "I was not threatening; simply informing the woman of my plans."

I closed my eyes briefly as I considered what he'd said. "Too many people have been informing me of their plans concerning me," I said with careful emphasis on the word 'people'. "I don't care to be told of the unpleasant fate which awaits me, multiple times, with different outcomes depending on the person making the threat. None of the outcomes coincide with my plans and I make my own decisions."

A sudden shout/scream drew all our attention to Yammy. He was not looking at his best, or perhaps he appearance had improved. It depended on if the person viewing him had any emotional attachment or regard. No limbs were attached to his body and the removal of his head improved his appearance to some degree, for me at least. Zaraki looked disappointed, possibly because the fight was over but Captain Kuchiki remained as cool as normal.

"They killed Yammy?" Ulquiorra questioned, and then shrugged slightly. "It took two of them to do so and he didn't even use his final form. A fool. Always a loud, bragging fool. He is no real loss."

Final form? I wondered the form that Yammy could have used. If it made him stronger, why did he insist on fighting as he was? Was he too proud to use an advantage? While I was glad he had not harmed my husband it made me realise the man was truly a fool in failing to use an advantage which might give him victory. It was difficult to summon any empathy for the Arrancar so I didn't try.

My eyes fixed on Zaraki, I noticed he quickly sought another fight. The female Arrancar with the green hair had been injured and it interested me to see Renji holding her, to prevent her from falling to the ground. The Arrancar with the large white hat seemed intent on finishing his work and killing the woman, but Zaraki appeared in front of him, a wide and ferocious smile curling his mouth. I saw his lips move, drawing the Arrancar's attention away from his previous foe. I think Zaraki insulted him, a ploy he liked to use when distracting attention. Predictably the Arrancar snarling with disgust fell for the tactic and attacked. For a brief moment I felt at a loss as I'd hoped Zaraki's instinct would be to be with me, but knowing him as I did, the current situation would seem, to him, like a smorgasbord of challenges. He loved to fight and if it gave him pleasure, why deny him?

The thought raised a number of moral dilemmas about killing people, but these were not people, were they? I had fought and killed in the past to protect those who were innocent and those for whom I cared. Was it ethically wrong to kill those who wished to kill you? As a Shinigami it was my duty to kill and I had pledged to kill as and when required. And sometimes we could rescue the souls of those who had become Hollows. Was it not a better fate to be housed in Soul Society rather than scavenge an existence in this inhospitable place? While it was essential to keep a balance between Human, Shinigami and Hollow I was not foolish enough to believe other humans would join the Hollow population due to their own efforts.

A scuffle close by drew my attention away from my husband and the complex consideration of morality when killing an enemy, and I was grateful for the latter. Turning, I noticed Ulquiorra attempting to move closer to Orihime and Nemu but Arai and Yachiru kept intercepting him. "I said leave them alone," Yachiru said and for once I noticed her zanpakuto was evident. Normally it wasn't noticeable, even though there were those wheels on the bottom which made it appear more of a toy than a weapon. "They need time and you can always fight me."

"I do not fight children," Ulquiorra said curtly, trying to push past Yachiru who managed to get the scabbard of her zanpakuto between his feet, tripping him slightly.

"Yet you threatened to kill one who is not yet born," Arai said, pushing Ulquiorra back with a carefully placed elbow to the stomach. "What is the big difference between fighting one who is alive and able to fight and one who can only rely on others for defence?"

"The two situations are completely different," Ulquiorra said, straightening up from the force of the blow, his face a paler than normal. "Aizensama has directed the woman is not to carry any child except one that is fathered by a person he selects."

"The woman you refer to, me, is not simply a womb. I choose to carry Zaraki's child," I said, stung by the attitude which indicated my feelings and thoughts were irrelevant and my body simply a vessel for carrying children. "Aizen has no control over me. Don't you understand I make my own decisions?" It appeared he wasn't listening to me.

"He was prepared to trade the girl for the woman," Ulquiorra said, ignoring me and speaking to Arai. "It is a fair trade, except it will be a pity to lose the girls healing abilities. I wonder if she tried harder she might be worthy of the regard in which Aizensama holds her."

Arai glanced in my direction, noted my increasing rage and said, "We are not prepared to trade. They are independent beings, not slaves or merchandise who can be traded back and forth without complication. We will keep both of them because they choose to stay. Understand? Any deal made under duress is invalid and Orihime was abducted and probably threatened when Aizen forced her to swear allegiance or whatever she was forced to do. We have more claim on her."

"Sorry, not true," said an familiar voice in amusement.

My anger cooled immediately as my heart sank. This interruption changed everything and it seemed unlikely the outcome would be the one I hoped. Due to our earlier conversation, I'd hoped he was not going to interfere. He'd already shown his allegiance was not to Aizen but he had been keeping up the pretence as he didn't want any suspicion to draw attention to him. Why was he here? A number of the Shinigami here were ready to kill him on sight and I feared the sight of him might cause the berserker rage in Zaraki.

I turned and stared at him, hoping for some sign, some indication of his intentions but as usual I found it difficult to interpret his body language. The slight smile he habitually wore was present and his eyelids carefully shielded any possible message which might be conveyed by his eyes.

"Foxy. You're here? I don't think Ken-chan will be awfully happy to see you," Yachiru said, the shock audible in her voice. "Nor am I. Matsomummy has a habit of disappearing when you're around."

"She will not vanish this time," Arai said stoutly. "I am here."

I knew he was certain that I would be safe but I wondered if Gin had appeared for reasons other than abducting me.

"I believe you were there when Ran graced me with her company at her 'wedding' celebration. If I remember correctly her husband was there as well, including the pride of the Goetei 13," Gin said coolly, the small smile he habitually wore turning up the corners of his mouth. "And yet none of you managed to protect her."

"Not fair, Foxy. You drugged everything..." Yachiru said, a scowl marring her face as she stood with her hands dug into her hips.

"Not everything. Only all the drinks. The food was untouched," Gin cut off Yachiru with a touch of condescension.    "Exaggeration is one of your flaws, child. Learn to exercise restraint, as it is a trait that will assist you once you are grown."

Yachiru drew herself to her full height and glared at Gin. "Child, yourself. Just because you had some sort of weird hero worship of Aizen as a kid doesn't mean you have to be his obedient lackey all your life. That is childish."

Gin laughed softly. "Hero worship? I think you have that covered with your adoration of your brute of a Captain. He is a mindless thug and you cannot see past his flaws to the monster hidden behind the hair and eye-patch. I do believe he cast a spell over my very dear Ran to entrap her in that parody of a marriage."

I was purposely keeping my breathing shallow so no loud gasps of surprise would erupt from my mouth. He was deliberately baiting Arai and Yachiru, drawing their attention away from Ulquiorra.

A quick glance confirmed my observation. "Don't listen to him. He's trying to distract you," I spoke quickly and loudly. "Quick. Ulquiorra is ..."

The words were barely out of my mouth when Arai and Yachiru were once again focused on their previous foe. I was ready to protect myself but after our previous conversation I wondered what his reason was for seeking me out.

As expected, Gin drew nearer. "It is difficult to have a private conversation on a battlefield," he observed. "One advantage is that people do not usually eavesdrop on others when their lives are under imminent threat. People can be annoying when they wave around weapons for no good reason."

"They can also be deadly. You want to speak to me without being overheard," I replied, guessing this was what he meant.

"Some megalomaniacs also micro manage. As they cannot always control how a person thinks, it is easier to listen to what they say and how they act," he murmured, his lips close to my ear. "With any luck your husband will be too busy fighting Nnorita to have any concern over you."

I sighed. Even in this dangerous circumstance, Gin was being oblique and making it difficult for me to work out what he meant. "If you actually stated what you meant instead of creating a labyrinth of words, I might understand what you are trying to say."

His mouth quirked slightly to one side. "A labyrinth of words, Ran dear? We all create our own labyrinths or are caught in ones created by others which we blindly explore, never escaping until we decide we no longer wish to be trapped. Sometimes the only way to free ourselves is to find permanent freedom."

It took a few seconds for his words to filter through and I tried to keep my face impassive as the potential meaning became slightly clear. "I don't think I understand you." It was a lie but I didn't like the implication of his words.

"You were never stupid, Ran. You may pretend sometimes when you don't feel like doing some stupid task but this is not some stupid task," Gin said, no smile on his face, his words nearly whispered and they sounded cold and heavy.

"There is no such thing as permanent freedom," I replied. The words were hard to utter and I felt a chill grow within me. While I knew what he was trying to say, I believed if I denied the meaning it would go away. Denial of reality, of the situations I'd faced in the past when there seemed no way to fix the disasters, hadn't worked. It didn't mean it wouldn't work this time, did it? The chance of that my words would have an effect on reality seemed impossible, but maybe once, maybe this time my luck would change.

"Perhaps you are correct.   I am not certain it is permanent freedom, but it is better than wandering further into the labyrinth and being consumed by the monster who dwells within. When the beast is at your back, your weapon is destroyed and an impenetrable wall in front of you, what other choice do you have?"

Moving away from his, I shook my head, trying to work out what he was saying. He'd given me the drug. I reached into my pocket to removed it and return it to him. Another interpretation of his words could mean he needed more of the drug to prevent Aizen from exerting control over him once more. My hand encountered fabric and nothing else. Frantically I searched my other pocket and again found nothing. Checking my sash, searching through my sleeves, even examining my cleavage I continued to fail at finding that for which I searched.

He had trusted me; entrusted me with something which he prized highly and I had failed him.

"Some people in power do not like any threats to their position. If there is the slightest possibility of retaining power over one of their vassals by a complicated action, they will take it. Losing a vassal to free will is worse than executing a slave for trying to escape. A slave who has obtained freedom is a dangerous example, one which cannot be permitted to survive, and the death of the slave must be witnessed so others know freedom is impossible," the whisper stated with finality.

I did not notice I had pressed my hand over my mouth until now. Although he was attempting to disguise the full import of his meaning it was very clear. The chance he had to remove Aizen's influence was gone and the man who had provided the opportunity was dead, killed by Gin because of me. I had failed him by losing the antidote and exposing him to Aizen's influence. It was hard for me to work out how the vials had been removed but it seemed likely the pink haired Szayel may have removed them when he was attaching the chains. Maybe he still had them. Maybe there was a chance!

"The slave having once tasted freedom may decide on death, but death on their terms, not the terms of an abusive owner."

Bile filled my throat. It was becoming increasingly obvious where this was going. I took my hand from my mouth and tried to look at Gin, to see any indication in his eyes that his words meant what they seemed to mean. I tried to voice my thoughts about Sayzel having the antidote but feared it might sound garbled.

"Pink might be the colour of hope to some people," was my poor hint.

A small frown appeared on Gin's forehead. "Colour doesn't matter much to a slave unless they are free."

How was I going to explain? "Sometimes pink carries more than you think," and then I groaned at the unintentional rhyme.

"Loyalty can be measured in vials, especially when they earn reward," was the response.

What reward? How could loyalty be measured by a vial? The words didn't make sense immediately and then the meaning sunk in. Sayzel, in an effort to ingratiate himself with Aizen must have handed over the vials. Briefly I wondered if he kept one for analysis but knew he was unlikely to return it to Gin. The animosity I had witnessed indicated there was not even the slightest trace of friendship between the two. My burgeoning hope died and it seemed there was little chance of helping Gin unless Aizen was killed. With his death there might be the chance of the effect of his zanpakuto wearing off but there was no guarantee he would die, we would triumph or everything would end in the way I wished.

"Sometimes vials of hope are taken from us when we cannot protect them," I tried to explain, feeling the sadness at the poor apology seep through my body.

"A friend may prevent a slave from returning to his master," Gin said.

"No," I began but he quickly interrupted.

"Rather than losing free will or being executed as an example, some seek death at the hands of the one they love. Death may be kinder."

It was a request I did not expect, nor want. Why ask me? I cared for him once, more than my pride should have permitted me to care, but things were different now. The love I'd felt for him had changed from the all encompassing passion to something I was still trying to comprehend. So many things I had thought were facts were false. He'd loved me but tried to distance himself from me to protect me from Aizen and this had failed.

Now he was asking me to kill him because I had loved him once.

"Sometimes free will is an illusion and the eroding of it can take time. Some abilities are removed at the whim of another, so help is required," Gin told me, and I think he was looking directly in my eyes.

If what Gin was implying was true, and if I had worked out what he meant, it seemed Aizen was playing a particularly nasty game, which should have been no surprise. Removing free will gradually meant the person knew what they were losing. To prevent Gin from causing his own death, Aizen had simply blocked his ability.

This was too much for me to think about. The person who had been my best friend through childhood was now asking me to kill him because he was losing his free will and didn't want to be subject to Aizen's domination.

Yet asking me to kill him? Would it be manslaughter, murder, assisted suicide or something else? I didn't want to kill Gin. If I wished to kill someone, it would be Aizen. My thoughts were so confused, trying to work out if I should help my friend, some fleeting consideration of ethics. Nothing was clear or simple.

"I can't," I said.

"Please," he replied. "You hated me when I abducted you. If you'd had a chance you would have killed me then."

"I don't hate you now," I yelled, the conflicting emotions made me speak louder than I wished. "I don't hate you now," I repeated, quietly. "I don't love you either," I quickly added, realising that some might decide there was only the possibility of hate or love.

"You did once, Ran. We loved each other until it was taken away from both of us. If I had been dying of an incurable disease when we loved each other, would you have helped me die as I wished or let me suffer through all the stages of the disease?"

This was worse. How would I have felt? When I had loved Gin I wanted what was best for him. "That's not fair. This is a totally different situation! You will still be able to live."

"Live?" he laughed softly, humourlessly. "What is life when you are bound by another's thoughts and desires? Living amongst people you despise and who despise you in return? Knowing the person you love is in love with someone you can never see as worthy of her? If this is life, then I want it to end." He held up a hand before I could reply. "There is nothing that can be salvaged from this situation. Even if Aizen dies, I have no confidence that the curse of his bloody zanpakuto will be lifted from me. I cannot return to the Seireitei, except as a prisoner, and I don't want to remain here. There is no place for me in this world."

Each word caused my heart to sink lower. How could I argue? Were there any words I could say which would reach him or cause him to change his mind?

"You can't ask me to do this, Gin," I appealed. "Please, don't ask me to do this."

"I will ask you to do this because I don't trust anyone else."

"Why will it be any better if I kill you? I don't understand. If you die, you're dead." I had to make him see that this request was impossible for me.

"I want your face to be the last thing I see. You will make the death swift and not a prolonged game. One swift stab with your zanpakuto, or call on Ash Cat. I don't care. I want to choose the time and manner of my death. I choose now and I choose you." Gin said, a tinge of defeat in his voice.

I looked at him, clearly. He was not the confident, uncaring man I once knew. This was a man fearing his right to choose would be removed, slowly, while he was kept aware of each choice slipping away from him. The time spent in Hueco Mundo had not been kind to him, sharing time with people for whom he had no respect would be difficult for anyone. Spending any time with Tosen or Aizen would be appalling, at least from my viewpoint. By asking me, he'd indicated I was his last hope.

"Ran, if you don't do it willingly, I have to make you," he said and slowly drew his zanpakuto.

"Gin! No!" I said as forcefully as I could.

His sword sliced toward me and in reflex I drew my own and intercepted the strike.

"Stop this," I demanded. "I don't want to kill you."

"I don't want to kill you either," he replied as he again aimed his zanpakuto at my arm which I quickly blocked. "But I want to die. You were always a good fighter, Ran. You often questioned your abilities but you have the agility and intelligence to battle strategically. Fight me. Kill me in fair combat. I won't use my shikai or bankai."

"Nor will..." I began and then fended off another blow and then tried to cover up with, "I think it fair if I use my shikai if needed. You are, after all, Captain class."

He laughed shortly as he again tried to get past my defence. "That is the Ran I remember. Always using anything to her advantage that she could. Do you think you can kill me if I don't let you, Ran? Do you want to have a proper fight or a show fight. Whichever, it will convince your husband you don't care for me, especially if you kill me."

"He knows I love him," I said as I tried a stab, which he easily evaded. "I don't need to prove anything to anyone. Stop trying the emotional blackmail, Gin. It is a weak and dirty trick."

"I do want to die," he said.   "I am trying to get you put aside your scruples and help me."

We fought for a few minutes, with my fighting mainly being defensive. I didn't know how this would end and I was not anxious to find out.

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A.N.

Soundtrack

'Since I Left You' The Avalanches

'Hold' Gravity Kills

'When You Die, You're Dead' Jimmy's Chicken Shack

'I Love You, I'll Kill You' Enigma

Not exactly a happy holiday chapter.

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Different Circumstances