Salvation

Chapter 4

"He's not at his house. His old man said he didn't even stay the night," Tatsuki informed Uryuu while his brows shot up.

Ichigo was turning downright unpredictable. First was the detestation at hearing Orihime's name and then his disappearance.

Not knowing where to meet up with both Ichigo and Tatsuki, Uryuu had to resort to going directly to the Arisawa residence. From how cold Tatsuki was acting at Ichigo's evasiveness, he began to believe that there was something more to his angry behavior.

The girl had the said the words stiffly while sitting on the top step of her porch. Her body language showed hints of discomfort at even speaking of her long time friend. This perturbed attitude was enhanced by the barely detectable air of distrust and sadness.

"I wouldn't worry too much about it. He has always had a bad habit of running off without telling anyone," Uryuu murmured, still feeling a prickling suspicion.

Her eyes shot up briefly to his.

"This time it's different, Ishida," she looked off distantly, resting both elbows on her knees. "He's doing some shit that is only hurting him."

Frowning, he asked slowly while pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose, "What kind of things?"

Her shoulders showed unyielding rigidness at his question and once again her eyes avoided his.

"I don't like talking about the personal lives of others," she flexed her fingers that were hovering over the ground. "I know that he's just hurting himself. Crap!" she rubbed her face vigorously with both hands as if to cleanse her mind of all thoughts, " I'm even afraid of being alone with him!"

Just what in the world is Kurosaki doing?

"Is it something... illegal?"

She snorted removing her hands from her face to look at him.

"Doesn't seem like it, but it's not Ichigo. I know that he's very stressed about coming back... and hearing about Orihime-chan's pregnancy..."

"She told you too?" he smiled when her eyes widened. Orihime had made the news spread wildly by calling everyone in her phone book, including him. He hadn't minded thought a half-Hollow child was a disturbing idea. Years earlier he would have felt envy towards the man that had captured her heart, yet he had always known that she only saw him as a friend. Letting go of her before any intense infatuation had begun had actually saved him.

Otherwise he would have been suffering like Ichigo who could have had a chance if he had acted quicker than his wilder bluntly spoken Hollow.

Orihime's love for Ogichi had been a shock for everyone, but after seeing how they interacted together everyone had to admit that they complimented each other. There was something freakish and almost childlike in their relationship. It was just so open and they were both unbelievably energetic. Their enthudiasm was quite infectious and people instantly felt drained yet with the need to chuckle at seeing how they reacted excitedly over small everyday things.

They learned to tolerate Ogichi because he made her happy. Trully happy... not the false cheerfullness Orihime had been forcing herself to show for years. No, now she was no longer acting while suffering inside.

Unfortunately Ichigo was the one having a hard time letting go of what he couldn't have due to his own inadequacies and his whole life in general.

Now he's about to lose his best friend.

Smirking, Tatsuki remarked wryly, "Should have known she would tell everybody. I was with her when she found and from how much she was bouncing around, it's logical that everyone would find out overnight."

Smiling in agreement, Uryuu nodded, "Hopefully this will make Shirosaki shape up."

At that she burst out laughing.

It wasn't a secret that Ogichi was still impulsive. The very day both him and Orihime had moved to their new apartment he had attacked a man employed by the moving crew for saying a rude comment about his wife. It had been frightening and very abrupt when the Hollow had joyously smashed the bigger man's face against the wall while having one of his laughing fits. It had to take three powerful zaps from the monitoring device around his ankle and Tatsuki, Uryuu and a couple of new neighbors to bodily pull him off the bleeding unconscious man. Even after the incident he was still hyper and out for blood, resenting them for preventing his planned dismemberment of the 'ugly hairy bug'. It had almost been a twisted humorous short-lived fight, though none of them said so to avoid encouraging Ogichi's already dangerously spontanious temper.

"I'm really sorry for making you come all the way here for nothing, Ishida," Tatsuki said quietly once her laughter had died down.

Frowing at how absolutely guilty she appeared, he shook his head, "It's understandable, Arisawa. Though he could infuriate me by simply breathing, Kurosaki is still... a friend."

She flinched before nodding, her eyes downcast.

Feeling a bit ashamed for changing the subject, he blushed and shifted nervously before tentively asking, "How did you know?"

"Huh?" she finally looked at him in confusion. "Know about what?"

His blush was starting to sting his cheeks.

"Um... about the girl with me." He felt he could trust her, but there was no way of knowing how she would react at the identity of his lover... How would everyone react. It still wasn't the right time to let the truth out and to be frank, he wasn't sure if there ever would be a right time.

"Oh that!" she let out a laugh, lifting a shoulder up casually, "Just a hunch told me. I get those a lot when people...," snorting she waved a dismissive hand as if it was no big deal, "Forget what I said! It's just crazy stuff that happens to me sometimes."

One of his brows raised.

Just a mere 'hunch'? Why do I get a feeling that there's more?

Everyone in the group was aware that Tatsuki had spiritual powers that hadn't been fully explored. He had noted that she sometimes knew things without being told and could read people's actions no matter how hard they tried to hide their true intentions.

Could she have the power of psychic intuition or clairsentience?

"Why?" she frowned.

Laughing nervously, he said quickly, "Nothing! I just found it odd."

"Is you say so," eyeing him weirdly, she tilted her head to the side, contemplating him. "But you really shouldn't hide it so much. If we have accepted Ogichi and Orihime-chan, then we can accept you and whoever she is."

Surprised, he coughed behind his hand to hide the fact that she had stunned him with her words.

Taking his hand away from his mouth, he took a deep breath and solemnly said, "I highly doubt some of you will take my relationship very kindly."

She scoffed wearing a knowing smirk,"You'd be surprised. After the storm those two have created, your own relationship won't be that big a deal."

He hoped that she was right. He didn't know how much longer they could keep hiding it. There was his father that still tried to dominate every aspect of his life and then her own family that would be scandalized by them being together. Most of all... for being with him.

Every little hope he had for making them have a normal relationship was crushed under the weight of how wrong it was.

"Don't you worry. None of us will be set off by it."

For a moment he almost believed her.

***

It took three days for Tatsuki to cave in and seek Ichigo out. He had yet to return to his house and though his father tried to act like it was normal, the fact that Ichigo had taken a couple of days clothes before disappearing was worrying him.

Tatsuki was getting more pissed by the minute. What kind of insensitve jerk would leave his family so worried about him? It had taken everything she had in her to keep from calling all of their friends to start a search party. For all she knew, he could have skipped town or worse.

I should have tried to listen to him. Ichigo hadn't tried once to contact her, but from how she had reacted upon discovering his little escapade, he was probably too ashamed to face her. She had grown tired of thinking up excuses for what he had been doing. Like that the girl could have been someone he knew from Tokyo or a girlfriend... That it was a one time thing.

However, the more she thought about it the more the truth became clearer. Ichigo had been too casual and uncaring about it. Like it was too normal for him which disturbed her further in spite of how embarassed he had been when she caught him.

In a brief moment of insanity she had even considered telling Orihime of Ichigo's arrival in Karakura, so Ogichi who was connected to him unwillingly could help track him down. At the last minute she had thought against it because his state of mind was questionable.

Just where the hell could he be? She had searched for places he had used to frequent when they had been in high school. Parks, fast-food joints, clubs, every place he had ever so much as set foot on in his early days... The last place she had been willing to check was by the river... Where his mother had died.

He usually avoided that particular spot like the plague. In the begining, just after his mother's death he would stay there every day. One time, when he had left his father and sisters in a panic, her and her own parents had gone in search for him, only to find him sleeping on the dirt in a fetal position.

As the years passed, he stopped going there altogether probably to keep his family from worrying and seeing how deeply affected he was.

If he wasn't anywhere else... perhaps he was there. In that specific patch of dirt in which grass refused to grow for over ten years since that horrible day.

It was strangely sunny outside as she walked on the sidewalk that aligned the particularl peaceful river. Her eyes kept discreetly scanning on the ground bellow, half-hoping that she would see a familiar head of orange spikes and slouched broad shoulders. Not many people fit his description...

After an eternity of her briskly covering the cement ground, she finally spotted what she had been waiting for.

Coming to a stop, she studied her friend that was a couple of feet bellow, just at the foot of the steep hill. He was just sitting there with his back turned to her. There were no signs that she could see that said he was harmed.

Breathing in deeply, she cupped her hands around her mouth to shout down towards him, "ICHIGO!"

He jerked and looked up at her in surprise.

Taking that as a good omen, since he didn't appear to be mad at her for going off on him days earlier, she began to slowly walk down the hill as he watched her without standing up from his seat on the ground.

Once she was close enough to see how he was physically, a small hint of relief had her relax her stiff gait. He looked fine, but that didn't mean he was complete all there. His clothes were clean, but his cursed amber eyes were flat and without any remorse. That was what kept her from being completely relieved. His lack of emotion. The only thing he had shown the moment she had appeared was surprise at her shout... Nothing else.

Gulping at how unnerving his stare was on her, she fought against blushing in nervousness when she reached his side.

Opening her mouth to say something, she shut her lips at finding no words.

No matter what he does, he's still Ichigo. Why do I feel like he's a stranger to me?

Tearing her eyes away from his penetrating stare, she sat down beside him, this time avoiding all unwanted intimacy like in her room. He had been purposely touching her back then and though something flashed in his eyes at her actions of sitting a good three feet from him, he didn't comment on it.

Okay... Is he going to start talking or will I have to do it? Carefully avoiding looking at him, her eyes looked off at the water that was moving in a gentle current that contrasted with what her friend was probably feeling.

"I've...," she cleared her throat and shivered when she felt his gaze fall on the side of her face, "I've searched for you everywhere and thought that this might be where you went off to."

Hearing no reply from him, she sighed, closing her eyes feeling defeated.

Things aren't the same anymore.

"I know that what you do is your business and that I over-reacted without any right to," it was the closest thing to an apology she had ever said to him.

"You had every right to think badly of me..."

His low words had her looking at him. He was still staring at her, but now his eyes actually had emotion. Shame swum in them.

"No, I didn't, Ichigo." It was almost physically painful to see him that way. She didn't understand why his self-loathing could affect her so personally. "You are an adult now. We both are. As adults...," she blushed, shutting her eyes to keep from looking at him, "we do a lot of stupid shit."

"That still isn't an excuse, Tatsuki. I've known for a long time that what I'm doing is wrong," her eyes snapped open to study him. "I've been messing up ever since graduation."

Taking a deep breath, she asked slowly, afraid of his answer, "How long have you been doing this? And how bad is it?" Something told her that it wasn't what she had initially thought.

His cheeks reddened, but he forced himself to look into her eyes. It was a honest attempt to come clean.

"For almost the past year," he shuddered before closing his eyes and continuing. "Just two days after graduation, some college girls were trying to pick me up at a cd store. I guess...," his face hardened, "I was so stressed out about how everyone in our school were talking about Ogichi and Inoue that I eventually gave in, not really knowing what I was getting into."

Tensing, she clenched her jaw to prevent any more questions from spilling from her lips. She knew where he was going with his confession. It would probably be the most intimate thing Ichigo would ever tell her, other than when he had spoken of Ogichi's sexual activities with Orihime while using his body so long ago.

He's trusting you! Don't judge him like before.

"They took me back to their apartment and well... you can guess the rest."

His words were chilling her to the bone. What he was admitting to doing under a moment of depression... It didn't make her feel angry towards him, but more like pity combined with rage at those unnamed girls that had obviously taken advantage of him. How couldn't they have noticed that he had been emotionally weakened and lost?! Everyone with eyes could have seen that during those days!

"Go on," she edged him through her teeth.

Opening his eyes, he looked at her in reluctance, "I don't think... you're mad again."

"No, I'm not mad at you. I'm pissed at those sluts for using you when you weren't even thinking straight! That's what I'm so pissed about, Ichigo!" she snapped before stopping herself.

Perfect. Now I've shut him down.

"How many times are we talking about?" she forced out the question in order to keep him talking.

"That was," he swallowed,"the first incident. The second time was after I left for Tokyo with some girl I met at a party...," his voice started to tremble in shame, "the third time was with... my roommate and his girlfriend."

A guy?! It was hard to keep the shock away from her face.

"I've being doing a lot of sick shit, Tatsuki... at first... I thought that it was some kind of phase or experimenting but everytime I did it... I just felt numbed down and I started using it to stop thinking so much..." his shoulders shook and though there were no tears, he closed his eyes in a grimace.

"Have-have you been taking care of yourself?" his behaviour was self-destructive, but it would be even more so if he was doing it recklessly.

"Yeah, I'm not that stupid," a coughed out mirthless short laugh escaped him.

She let out a breath of relief at knowing that.

"It's not even as pleasurable as it used to be," he admitted, daring to look at her suddenly very pale face. "Sometimes I skip a week or so before I start going through... anxiety or other shit and that's when I find someone willing to do it."

Forcing her anger and shock down, she had to ask.

"Did you try to do it to me too, Ichigo?"

All color drained from his face.

"Just tell me."

I will not get mad at him.

His brows trembled and the expression of guilt was evident on his face.

"Yes."

If she hadn't promised herself to understand what he was going through, she would have broken every bone in his body. What he had just said could have very well ended their friendship but she refused to think that way. From what Ichigo was telling her, he was using sex as a outlet to forget. He could have been using drugs or other things to push his hateful thoughts out of the way, but sex made it more intimate and psychological than anything else. Majoring in psychology for a year had taught her to see how the minds of people worked.

What was happening to him was due to years of shielding himself. All he needed was help in getting out of that consuming darkness he couldn't leave behind.

Looking away from him, she took a couple of deep breaths before smiling.

"This place isn't good for you."

"I knew you'd say that."

She shook her head, glancing at the ground that no longer grew life. Maybe the death of the grass on that spot was brought on by the tragic event that occurred there in the past. It defenitely wasn't a good place for Ichigo to start seeing life from a different unclouded perspective.

"That's not what I meant, Ichigo. What I mean is that you need to stop putting yourself through this. Coming here is," she sighed, dragging a hand over her face, "not helping you."

"I guessed that much but I keep being drawn back here. I can't help thinking about all of the 'what ifs'."

Nodding, she glanced at him, seeing how he sheltered himself by gazing into the tranquil waters of the river that showed the opposite of what he had been carrying since being a child.

"Then let's go somewhere that doesn't have these memories."

"Huh? What are you talking about?" One of his eyebrows shot up in confusion as she rose off the ground and dusted off her behind of all dirt that might have stuck to her.

Grinning, she offered him one of her hands and he stared at it as if it were infected by leprosy.

"Would you just take it?!" It was hard enough that she had accepted everything he had just told her and had decided to help him. Why did he have to be such a pain in the ass?! She was trying hard to forget that he had just admitted to wanting to have sex with her because he needed 'numbing down'. If someone else had said it, she would probably be in jail for murder and dismemberment.

After a couple of tense seconds, his hand finally rose up and met hers.

***

A/N: Tatsuki and Ichigo are progressing (until Ichigo fucks up again)! Poor Uryuu is sad=( And Ogichi does have his moments of wildness (the face smashing). Hehehehe... I've already made him into a hubby and daddy-to-be, but I ain't making him into a wimp. He can still be quite a handful. Much wuv for his character! =) If people don't like somewhat depressing/angst/smut stories, stop reading. I like to really delve into emotions and can be pretty damned descriptive with EVERY SINGLE ONE. It's just the way I write, I guess. All long fics by me are pretty much like this.

Please rate and/or review! Don't be shy now, I don't bite!