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For The Love of a Friend	By : orionshadow Category: Bleach > Het - Male/Female Views: 32416 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach, nor the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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Tite Kubo owns Bleach and the characters depicted therein. The characters in this story are not mine, except for the original characters. I make no money from the publication of this work.
Fear Love
As light faded from the sky even the rugs didn't provide enough warmth from the chill in the air. Soi knew they should move, but she didn't wish to do so. For this unexpected time they had shared very simple facts about themselves; actually spent some time learning about each other instead of just their bodies. If she suggested leaving it might shatter the unusual peace between them but she was cold, even held within Toshiro's arms her stomach felt cold and she feared for her child.
The feeling of cold was strange. She'd experienced it before but not for some time. It didn't appear to by caused only the physical cold but another factor.
As she turned her head to rest it on Toshiro's shoulder, a move she would have once found mawkishly sentimental, the realisation of where this cold feeling originated stopped her. There was something very important she'd forgotten and it was so important, Toshiro needed to know before any more things were said or plans made.
Though she hated to break their new accord it was possibly the best time to tell him the news she had shared with one other person. How could she tell him?
Her character urged direct speech as soon as possible. If their relationship was to break over this undisclosed fact it was best for it to break now, before they were too comfortable with each other. The darkened sky would hide her expression and it might be easier not to witness the expressions displayed on his face as she spoke. It might be possible to ignore the hiss of indrawn breath as she shocked him but unlike normal she didn't wish to see disgust, anger or fear on his face. He'd looked at her with such affection during the picnic that wasn't a date she'd hoped he had more feelings for her than simple lust. Silly thing to say. Lust wasn't simple, at least not between them. Lust roused other emotions which were not so easy to sate.
She thought for a few moments about how best to broach the subject but no easy way presented itself. The longer she thought about it the colder she became and the harder it was to try to think of a way to tell him which wasn't going to be a challenge. She'd start with simple words and see how it went.
"Toshiro, there is something I need to tell you." Hell, she sounded like something from one of those soap opera manga's that some of her subordinates read. Or that romance that Yoruichi had forced her to read all those years ago. It had embarrassed her and made her laugh and cringe but Yoruichi insistence was hard to resist.
"There is more to life than fighting and work," she'd said as she insistently thrust the book at her. "Don't try to lie to me about reading it as there will be a quiz." The memory of the book made her feel even worse in this situation. Did people really say all that sort of stuff to each other?
Her companion swallowed some water before he replied. "There are many things I wish to tell you, Soi," his voice was thoughtful and gentle. Briefly she wondered what the things he wished to tell her were, but caught herself. She may never hear them as the words she planned on uttering would change everything from the moment they were said.
Keeping her face turned away so she couldn't see his expression she finally said, "I'm pregnant."
Quickly the words were spoken and they hung in the air making the situation between them a reality. As soon as she'd said the words she felt both scared and relieved. The truth had been spoken and now she had to cope with anything that followed.
Facing an enemy had never been this loaded with emotion and fear. How was he going to react?
Despite her intentions her eyes were drawn to his face and noticed he was frowning. Was frowning good or bad?
Did she really care? The child would be born with or without his permission or acknowledgement of the paternity. She was simply telling him now before anyone else noticed she was changing shape and talked and he began asking questions. None of this was important, except it was.
The silence stretched further and Toshiro still didn't speak, but his frown deepened. Which of them would break the silence?
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It had been so pleasant sitting and chatting with Soi and unexpected. He'd been stunned when she'd agreed the impromptu picnic but also glad. While it seemed out of character for her to accept an invitation from him, all the recent events might have encouraged her to have some faith in him, for which he was grateful. It was a chance for them to start over, a clean slate where they could forget all the bitterness of the past and look to the future.
It had been a wise choice to go somewhere they'd never been together. It was unknown territory and the place wasn't tainted by their many misunderstandings or arguments. For once he was gaining more information and a better understanding of her than ever before and he was impressed. She was as logical and pragmatic as he'd imagined and truly wanted to improve her Division. It was interesting that she never mentioned Yoruichi and quickly changed the topic when he mentioned General Yamamoto. They were both subjects he hoped to discuss with her one day but was aware that an uneasy truce existed between them. It wasn't any surprise given their history and the events which had taken place in recent weeks.
He chose not to break the truce and was happy to discover some of the more fundamental values and opinions Soi held. Occasionally he found he was laughing at a pithy remark she'd made concerning her beliefs about some of their fellow captains. While she always seemed so serious and contained when in public, it appeared from her comments that most of it was very strict control over her features and emotions. It became clear her respect needed to be earned and a great many of the people they interacted with on a daily basis had not earned her respect and possibly never would.
However in some areas she appeared inflexible. It had always appeared so, but now it was becoming clear that this was a fundamental flaw in her character. Was it a flaw?
He remembered Matsumoto accusing him of being inflexible on occasions. She had laughed at him and told him he acted older than her, an observation with which he could not disagree, and then she told him he was stuck in his ways. Her words had been teasing, he knew that, even though she had told him he was unyielding on more than one occasion. If he thought it was a flaw in someone else, Yamamoto, for example, did it mean everyone who had that trait was also flawed?
It wasn't the time to think about it. Both Soi and he had fallen silent as they watched the birds wheel across the sky, their bodies appearing black against the blue, pink and gold of the sunset. He hadn't seen a sunset for quite some time due to work and responsibilities and he again remembered the wonder he'd had as a child to see the glowing orb of the sun descend below the horizon. This was the first time he held someone close while witnessing the event and he enjoyed feeling the warmth from Soi's body seep into his. Tightening his grip slightly he wondered how long the moment would last. The sunset would fade, as it always did, but this moment when he felt closer to Soi than ever before. The serenity of the sounds of running water, the slight breeze, cooler now as dusk was falling, the pleasant sights that were around them all assisted in this feeling, but it also had something to do with Soi and how she was reacting.
He felt a small movement and looking down he noticed both through sight and a change in pressure that Soi was resting her head on his shoulder. The slight contact both thrilled and bewildered him and the tension, which had previously seeped away, returned. It seemed to be a sign of affection and relaxation but in his experience that interpretation couldn't be taken for granted. It might only mean she was tired or bored. He tried to recapture the relaxation he'd previously felt but couldn't.
Despite enjoying the closeness time was passing and it was becoming colder. The blankets helped but it was not warm enough to sleep outside and he had hoped they could 'celebrate' their new accord. Not that it was important but he missed sex. He'd really missed the excitement of sex with Soi.
Soi spoke and he felt a sudden rush of need to tell her things he'd kept from her for fear of her reaction. He sipped some water, reluctant to remove his hand from her but his throat was now dry as he was about to say some very important things to the woman he held. "There are many things I wish to tell you," he said, taking a deep breath.
"I'm pregnant," she said quickly and the breath he inhaled left his body in a rush as the words became clear to him.
Soi, the women he held in his arms was carrying a child.
Was it his? He frowned.
Why would Soi tell him she was pregnant if it wasn't his child? She might if she was trying to explain why their relationship wasn't going to work unless he accepted the responsibility of the child.
Wait. What was he thinking? This was Soi. Soi who until him had detested the touch of a man. Then he remembered Kiyone who had tried to accuse him of fathering her child because the real father, Captain Kuchiki had avoided her completely after they'd had sex, once. He knew Kiyone was confused and worried at the time, not that she seemed happier now, yet the accusation had rocked him and worried him more than he like to admit. He'd felt trapped and hunted when he'd been accused and had desperately tried to remember any interaction he'd had with the woman. He'd known they had never exchanged more than words yet the sheer fact she had said he was the father of her unborn child had made him search his memory even though the only woman he'd ever had sex with was Soi.
Now Soi was telling him she was pregnant. If he stopped thinking about all the conflicting events which had happened recently that coloured his views about pregnancy announcements, how did this news make him feel? He wasn't sure.
How could he be sure? They'd been estranged for some time because of issues concerning pride and misunderstandings and now she was in his arms telling him she was pregnant and obviously waiting for some response from him. His first response was to ask if the child was his, but his knowledge of Soi and their previous interactions indicated that the question might be badly received. All the other responses which came to mind seemed trite or dismissive. He had to say something, anything because it was cooling faster now and he didn't wish for anyone to overhear their conversation.
"Can we talk about this somewhere else?" he asked, thinking it sounded feeble.
"Yes."
"Where?" he didn't want to suggest his quarters and wasn't about to request to meet at hers.
"There is only one place where we can discuss this," she said. "The place we spent the most time together."
The room. Memories of it now seemed charged with emotion which were both bad and good. In many ways Soi was right. It was the best place to have the discussion as it was unlikely they would be interrupted and while he still thought of it as belonging to Soi, it was still a place which gave them a more equal footing. Not much as it still seemed she had most of the ownership of the room and in this room he had done her bidding for too long, but it was also the place where he first experienced sex and the beginnings of what he believed was love.
Now he questioned the love as he was still uncertain what she meant by telling him she was pregnant. The was no doubt she meant she was having a child, but the paternity and her expectations were not clear.
He simply nodded in reply and they set off but not before he gave a backward glance at the remnants of their picnic.
"Don't concern yourself, Captain Hitsugaya. It will all be cleared away," Soi said without looking at him.
He immediately noticed the formality of using his title. Was she trying to distance him now that she had revealed her secret? Instead of answering he continued to walk to their destination. Until he reached there he wasn't certain he could speak without asking questions and from past experience it was likely she might be resistant to answering until they had some privacy. Without realising it they both seemed to walk faster the closer they were until finally they were in the room.
It hadn't changed much since the last time he was there. The bed had been made with clean white sheets, the floor was swept and sign of their presence removed. A new picture scroll hung on the wall, depicting a mountain sparsely covered with trees. The brushstrokes were firm and unhurried and he wondered who had painted it and why it was here. It had the effect of making the room more attractive.
They'd entered the room and were now standing in the room and still not speaking. Toshiro wondered if Soi was waiting for him to say something. What could he say?
"Is it mine?"
He knew he'd been thinking those words but had he really said that? Why did his mouth speak when he wasn't thinking?
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After she'd suggested going somewhere else to break the impasse which seemed to have arisen between them, she wondered. Toshiro hadn't said anything. He'd frowned and seemed on the point of speaking but hadn't given any indication of what he was thinking except when he'd looked back at where the picnic had been. Typically he'd been worried about leaving a mess.
Leaving a mess? The thought almost made her laugh ironically. This whole situation was a mess, so why worry about a few blankets and food? Her people would tidy up rather than leave it to 4th Division but wasn't their situation of more concern? Something had happened between them and she'd mistakenly thought there might be something more than lust between them but Toshiro was acting like a stranger. She'd even tidied up the room and tried to make it more appealing in case she finally did tell him and they needed privacy to talk.
The walk here had been strange. They'd exchanged no words and he hadn't looked in her direction once. Was he disgusted with the thought of her pregnancy. While she'd never had the experience of being confided in personally, she'd heard some women mention how the thought or pregnancy disgusted some males who had been very enthusiastic about the means of creating the situation. These men, apparently, found pregnant women repulsive and sought out other women for sexual release. Was Toshiro one of those men? But he knew Momo was pregnant and at one time had thought of marrying her.
Finally, after minutes of silence, Toshiro spoke. "Is it mine?" She turned to look at him, startled by the question and implied accusation and then saw the look of astonishment and horror on his face. Why was he horrified? Was it fear of her answer?
There was no doubt the question stung. It hurt to hear he thought she was the type of person who would have sex with other men even when they were estranged. Didn't he recall she preferred women; well she thought she had until she'd had sex with him, but it didn't mean she didn't like sex with women. Even if she'd had sex with a woman it wouldn't have made her pregnant, so what was he thinking?
"Do you care?" was her hurt reply.
"Yes, of course I care. That is why I asked," Toshiro said not looking directly at her but staring at the scroll painting she'd placed on the wall. One of her brothers had done the painting a few days before he'd died, killed by a Quincy.
Soi bit her lip, remembering her brother and his plans to marry and have a large family. She'd never had those plans but it seemed she was going to have a family, even if it only comprised of two people.
Angrily she replied, "What do you think?"
Toshiro turned to her and finally looked at her directly. "I don't know, Soi. That is why I asked. I..."
He was going to say something else but she cut him off with, "It's yours but you don't have to believe me. I've told you and that's an end to it." Her anger was growing. Hell, he'd had as much to do with creating the child as she had. Why did it seem to be such a shock, or didn't he understand basic biology?
Toshiro looked confused, almost as confused as she felt, aside from the anger and hurt she was experiencing. "What do you mean, that an end to it? Aren't you going to have the baby?"
He thought she was telling him she was getting rid of the child? Why would he think that? Why was everything he was saying hurtful?
"It's none of your business if I have the child or not," she said and shook her head in amazement. Was the stupid choices in sharing information catching? She'd made it his business by telling him, but he'd made it her business by assisting in the unplanned pregnancy. Trying to resolve the situation she quickly added, "I am having the child. As it is yours, I thought you might like to know. You don't have to acknowledge it. It will be my child and only the Old Man has any right to question me."
She turned away. This was nothing like she'd planned or hoped. Toshiro was acting like a inquisitor, asking the difficult questions and making her give the wrong answers. He could leave now and she'd ignore all the regrets and cope with any new problems as they arose.
To her shock a pair of arms embraced her, pulling her tight against his body as he buried his face in her neck. "You're carrying our child? We're having a baby?"
She pulled away from his embrace and spun around to look at him. "I'm having the baby..."
He looked excited and broke in, "No, we're having the baby. It's our child. When do you want to get married?"
The question came out of nowhere. "What?"
Toshiro dropped to one knee, grabbed one of her hands and asked, "Soi, will you marry me?" he sounded excited and there was another emotion in his voice she couldn't quite place. It worried her.
Again she pulled away from him, shocked at the question and the impertinence of the man. "Marry? You? Why would I want to marry you?"
As she stared at him she wanted to free her hand and leave. Telling him the news of her pregnancy had been a mistake and now everything was becoming too complicated and messy.
Instead, Toshiro let go of her hand and stood, the excitement and joy draining from his face. "We are having a baby together. The child needs a father and convention states the father is married to the mother so they can be a family." All the excitement from his voice had gone and he now seemed cold and rational, not the man who had moments ago knelt and proposed.
"If we were conventional we would have fallen in love and married before we had sex," she said as coldly as she could. "We didn't."
"Soi, the child needs a father...."
The words were ones she didn't want to hear or believe and she shut what he said next. Why did the child need a father? Once the child was conceived that was the end to the role of the male, wasn't it? She'd heard all her life about the importance of family and honouring the family name. It was the responsibility of every member of the family to be mindful of any damage their actions might bring to the family and they were to respect their mother and father equally. Admittedly her father had seemed to demand more respect and expected his commands to be followed without question or delay while her mother asked in a different way, a way which made the request a softer option, but no less important.
Had her father been so important in her life that her personality and life were shaped by his presence? What about families where the father died and the mother didn't remarry or have a brother or other relative to take the male role? Was that a failure on the part of the matriarch as no male was present to do what?
"Why does the child need a father?" the words burst from her mouth before she could prevent them.
"The child needs stability..."
Was he saying she was unstable? She ignored the rest of his words again hurt by the implication that Toshiro thought she was unstable and possibly unsuitable to be a mother. If he thought she was unstable, what did that make Momo? Soi hadn't tried to kill one of her best friends recently because of jealousy. Nor was she in denial of reality. She hadn't agreed to marry someone she didn't love just to provide protection for her child. Nor had she become pregnant to some cold noble who had agreed to marriage purely to protect the family name. Retsu had told her she did not expect any support from the father of her child, and had decided to raise it by herself with the help of her division. It was a decision she respected and finally listening to Toshiro again she heard the words:
"It will be best for the child if we marry."
"Best for the child? What about what is best for me? I am still here, still thinking and able to make decisions. I have not lost my ability to reason or make logical decisions simply because I am carrying a child. Who says a child has more stability if the parents are married?" Even to her ears the anger she was feeling was obvious in her voice.
There was silence. It made her feel awkward. Why was he being quiet. He'd had the chance to talk, not that she'd really listened. Had he ignored her words and been immersed in his own thoughts while she made some valid points?
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"Do you care?" Soi asked.
Did he care whether he was the father of her child? It was obvious that neither of them were comfortable in this situation and he wanted to assure her that of course he cared. "Yes, of course I care. That is why I asked," he said quickly while staring at the wall or a painting or something.
It was too hard to look at her it might provide a goad to tell her how he really felt. That with or without the news of her pregnancy, he loved her and wanted to spend time with her without fear and fighting. At this early stage of their discussion he knew there would be a fight. His emotions, though he tried to tamp them down and draw on his normally rational approach to most situations, were volatile and it seemed Soi was having problems with the topic of conversation, not that he could blame her.
"What do you think?" Soi was angry he'd asked the question about the paternity of the child. It was obvious and again he cursed his tongue for speaking while his mind was elsewhere. Only Soi brought out that side of him. Even when Matsumoto or Momo enraged him he still maintained control over his words. With Soi it seemed his tongue knew the most damaging or problematic things it could say.
Maybe he could salvage the situation, but it required looking at Soi and not reacting to the bite in her words. He turned to face her, trying to keep his face emotionless in order not to provide her with more ammunition for her anger. "I don't know, Soi. That is why I asked. I..."
Before he could say anything further she interrupted. "It's yours but you don't have to believe me. I've told you and that's an end to it."
The child was his? Not that he'd really doubted it was his, but he wanted her to tell him. He was young to be a father, but did it matter? He wanted to have this child with her. It took all his strength not to reach out and embrace her, holding her close while he experienced the feel of her against him, now a part of him resided within her for the months ahead. They were having a child together, and then the rest of the words sank in. "What do you mean, that an end to it? Aren't you going to have the baby?"
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A.N.
This was never going to be easy considering the pride of each of the characters.
At least there is more time for writing when I clear the circus, which is family life, out of my room. I have nearly completed my studies for the year unless new ones are commenced.
Soundtrack
'Don't Call Me Baby' Madison Avenue
'Omerta (Family Affair)' Tryforce
'Get To Trust' Fruitloop
'Truth and Fiction' Tangerine Dream
Review. They sometimes amuse.
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For The Love of a Friend