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The Heart in My Hand	By : chayron Category: Bleach > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 10028 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach. It belongs to its respective owners. This fan fiction is not a commercial project, and I am not making any money from writing it.

Chapter List
- 1-Part 1
- 2-Part 2
- 3-Part 3
- 4-Part 4
- 5-Part 5
- 6-Part 6
- 7-Part 7
- 8-Part 8
- 9-Part 9
- 10-Part 10
- 11-Part 11
- 12-Part 12
- 13-Part 13
- 14-Part 14
- 15-Part 15
- 16-Part 16
- 17-Part 17
- 18-Part 18
- 19-Part 19
- 20-Part 20
- 21-Part 21
- 22-Part 22
- 23-Part 23
- 24-Part 24
- 25-Part 25
- 26-Part 26
- 27-Part 27
- 3
- 4
- 5
Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach – it belongs to its respective owners. This fan fiction is not a commercial project, and I am not making any money from writing it.
Warnings:
1. Yaoi (male x male). Ulquiorra x Ichigo and vice versa. Other pairings?
2. Ichigo – almost 19 years old; Ulquiorra – probably a few hundred as a Hollow and about a decade or so as an Arrancar?
3. Post anime (haven’t read the manga).
4. Alternate Universe.
5. I’m not a native speaker, thus expect various language oddities.
6. I’m not very familiar with all the details in the anime, and I am also new to Bleach fandom, so I will be straying away from the canon quite frequently. I do my research but Bleach is a vast universe that is not so easy to grasp. I must admit, though, that there are also things in the anime that don’t make sense to me and I take the liberty of recreating certain parts of this universe as I see fit.
The Heart in My Hand
by chayron (lttomb@yahoo.com), beta-read by Ash
Part 4
It was quiet in the living room, only the occasional shift of uncomfortable bodies heard. Absently, Ichigo twirled a cookie between his fingers, the crumbs falling on the table unheeded.
“I wouldn’t have eaten your soul.”
Ichigo turned to Ulquiorra. “Well, of course you wouldn’t have.” He pointed at Kisuke, who was sitting across the table. “He’d have lopped your head off first.” The Arrancar didn’t understand him, and Ichigo helpfully illustrated by pointing at Ulquiorra, then at the former captain, and then again at Ulquiorra, then drew his index finger over his neck, making his eyes roll back.
Kisuke was watching them with something akin to amazement. “You’ve got some nice communication going on there.”
“Oh, shut up. He almost ate me.”
“Well, I’d say ‘almost’ is the keyword here. Why don’t you just leave your body?” the former captain suggested.
“I won’t give him the satisfaction!”
“I don’t think he cares,” Kisuke said, standing up. Through the narrow path amongst the papers on the floor, he walked to the door and disappeared behind it.
Ichigo and Ulquiorra looked at each other questioningly, and with a demonstrative snort, Ichigo turned away.
“What are you? A child?” Ulquiorra muttered.
“You just tried to eat me. And to think I’m helping you out. I’m an idiot. I’m a total idiot! And what if you go out on the street and…”
Ulquiorra watched Ichigo’s non-stop moving mouth, but didn’t ask him to repeat or explain. It was obvious that he was ranting, venting his frustrations. He had a good reason to. He really had been about to attack Ichigo. It wasn’t so surprising either, he was famished. Meanwhile, Ichigo’s soul was exuding the most delicious aroma ever. At some point, it had just become pure instinct; a stupid, fearless, and reckless instinct that had nearly got him killed by Urahara. He hadn’t felt like that for a good decade, not since he had been turned into an Arrancar. It was disturbing.
Ulquiorra looked around the room. He’d had enough time to explore the shop earlier while Ichigo and Urahara had been talking, but now he needed something to distract himself. He couldn’t believe Urahara had left him and Ichigo alone after he had nearly… And Ichigo was still in his body. The red-head was the incarnation of stubbornness. It was bordering on stupidity. The last time they had fought, Ichigo had asked him to chop his limbs off to make matters equal between them. Was that stubbornness or stupidity? Or just stupid stubbornness? Ichigo, however, smelled delicious no matter how stupid or stubborn he was. The taste must be extraordinary. The Human was probably followed by Hollows day and night. There must be many who had tried to…
Startled, Ulquiorra turned to the door when it opened. Kisuke walked in, carrying two lunch boxes. He picked his way through the documents then set the boxes on the table in front of the Arrancar.
“I’m sorry for being a bad host,” he apologized to Ulquiorra.
The Arrancar stared at him, not certain what had been said then looked at the boxes.
“I should have told you,” he finally said, taking one box into his hands and taking the lid off.
Ulquiorra had manners, Kisuke had to give him that. No matter how starved he was, he didn’t start eating the food at once. Carefully, he picked a sandwich from the box and started eating. Watching him, Kisuke felt he could understand why Ichigo had decided to reach out to this creature.
“When he finishes the box, come for more,” Kisuke told Ichigo. He pulled out his fan from his pocket. “It’s best that he doesn’t go around hungry,” he said thoughtfully, fanning himself.
Ichigo snorted. “Yeah, tell me about it.”
“Well, such is a Hollow’s nature.”
“Yeah, top of the food chain.”
The red-head was quite right, and the former captain hid his grin behind the fan. “But so are you,” he said softly. Ichigo glared at him and Kisuke chuckled. “He’ll be fine when he gets stronger. I doubt this will happen again. His body is regenerating, even restructuring itself in some cases. That’s why he needs so much food at the moment.”
Wordlessly, Ichigo watched Ulquiorra devour the contents of the box with unconcealed appetite. The red-head stuck the rest of the cookie inside his mouth and drank his tea to wash it down. He reached out for the cake. The Arrancar had told neither of them that he was hungry, and meanwhile he had been gobbling down cookies. This was somehow…
“Just don’t think of giving him any of the usual food. Then it really will fall through that hole of his. But I’m sure he won’t touch it anyway.”
Ichigo turned to Kisuke. “Kon told you?”
“Yeah, he couldn’t stop laughing.”
“Well, how was I supposed to know?”
Kisuke nodded his head towards Ulquiorra. “Why didn’t he tell you?”
Ichigo shoveled more cake into his mouth. “I think he found it funny. Or silly. Or maybe just wanted to see how far I’d go. He likes testing people.”
“Testing for what?” Kisuke wondered.
“Hmm…even if you ask me, I’m not sure. For certain reactions?”
Quietly, they watched the Arrancar eat. Spirit particles in the form of sandwiches, chicken legs, pizza slices, croquets, everything disappeared in Ulquiorra’s mouth.
“So he only needs to eat a lot and he’ll be fine?” Ichigo asked just to be certain.
“Yes, no interference is needed. He’ll probably sleep a lot, too.”
Ichigo shook his head. “Not really. He got up earlier than me.”
“That was probably because he was hungry.” Kisuke laughed at the alarm apparent on Ichigo’s face. “Well, you’re still alive,” he comforted the red-head.
Ichigo opened his mouth then closed it; there was no point in commenting.
Ulquiorra finished the lunch box in about fifteen minutes. When it was obvious that he wasn’t going to open the other one, Ichigo decided that it was time to go home; it was late evening already.
ooOoOoOoo
The room was half-lit when Ulquiorra woke up. When he looked out the window, through the gap between the curtains, he saw that it was raining. It seemed that it was already morning. Ichigo was still in his futon, sleeping with his back turned to him. He could hear the red-head’s soft, rhythmical breathing. It was warm in the room and Ichigo’s upper back was bare, the covers pooling a little lower. And he smelled delicious.
That particular thought made Ulquiorra leave the bed and head to the kitchen for the second lunch box. He found it on the sideboard. He carried it over to the kitchen table, sat down, and started eating. The window was slightly ajar at the top and Ulquiorra could feel the cool, damp air seeping in from outside. From time to time he would see people walk by further down the street, cars move past. It was probably quite noisy here, only that he couldn’t hear anything at all.
So this was what a former Shinigami Captain’s home looked like. He wasn’t certain if he was surprised or not. He was more surprised about him having had three children with a female Human. Since Ichigo was a half-breed, it was clear where his Shinigami powers came from. What remained unclear was his ability to turn into a Vasto Lorde. It bothered Ulquiorra more than he would have liked.
He was also somewhat bothered by Isshin Kurosaki’s impending return from wherever he had gone to. Just like Ichigo, the former captain wasn’t known for having a violent nature, but his reaction to an Arrancar staying at his house with his relatively defenseless children was hard to predict. Well, it had been Ichigo’s idea, and he hadn’t done anything to hurt them.
Ulquiorra was almost done with the box when he felt vibrations along the floor. Waiting, he looked towards the door, but no one entered. He soon saw a car pull away from behind the bushes and speed away. He rose from the table with the intention of checking the front door but at that moment one of Ichigo’s sisters, Yuzu, entered the kitchen. She looked startled at the sight of him then smiled and greeted. He nodded in answer and, motioning at the window, gave her a questioning look.
Yuzu looked around then spotted the notebook on the kitchen table. It took her a few minutes to explain to Ulquiorra that while her father was absent, the clinic didn’t provide medical care. Instead, people were sent to the town hospital. After that, she went on to prepare breakfast.
Ulquiorra had already seen her make breakfast the day before. He guessed that she was always the first to rise in the morning. He watched Yuzu going through the fridge and bowls quickly. She soon fixed something up in a large bowl then turned both the stove and the kettle on. A tower of pancakes was rising steadily while she packed the lunch boxes, getting them ready for herself and her siblings.
Karin jogged into the kitchen at nearly the same time that her sister was done making the pancakes. She greeted them, grabbed a plate from the sideboard, shoveled a few pancakes into it, and plopped down into the seat opposite Ulquiorra. Yuzu carried the jam and her tea to the table and placed them in front of them. Ulquiorra shook his head and pushed them closer to Karin’s plate. He pulled out a chicken leg from the lunch box and, after receiving a few looks from the sisters, started eating. The same routine as yesterday.
Kon snuck into the kitchen when they were done eating. He gave Ulquiorra a ferocious glare, his plush mouth moved, and, despite the fact that Ulquiorra wasn’t able to hear anything, he suddenly felt that it was very noisy in the kitchen.
“I’ll put you back into the laundry box,” Ulquiorra warned Kon when his mouth didn’t stop moving for several minutes. That worked. The plush bear gave him one of the most threatening looks he had ever seen, but he closed his mouth. The bear hopped onto one of the free chairs at the table and sat there, pouting.
Soon the sisters left for school, leaving Ulquiorra and Kon in their own company. Kon didn’t last long. With one last glare at the Arrancar, he jumped off the chair and scurried out of the kitchen. Regretfully, Ulquiorra tapped the side of his already empty lunch box. The food was a pain. He would have to think of something or he might really end up attacking Ichigo or one of his sisters.
The Arrancar left the empty lunch box on the table and walked closer to the window. He leaned on the windowsill and watched the rain. It had been at least a few hundred years, probably even more since he had seen it last. He wished he could hear the sound it was making.
He wasn’t certain how long he had been staring out the window when he felt vibrations along the floor and turned around to see Ichigo enter the kitchen. The red-head gave him a look then took note of the empty lunch box on the kitchen table, then looked back at him again. Ulquiorra thought that he appeared older wearing his Shinigami clothes.
“Not in your body today?” Ulquiorra wondered somewhat amused.
Ichigo yawned and scratched his stomach lazily. “Had to give it to Kon. He went on a date with Orihime. They went today since she got a call from her relatives and is supposed to…” The Arrancar kept staring at him and Ichigo stopped talking. He walked over to the table and took the notebook. He wrote his words down and showed them to Ulquiorra. He was getting used to this.
“Oh,” Ulquiorra said, his hands rising to his chest, “the girl with big…” Ulquiorra trailed off at the look Ichigo was giving him. “...feet?” he said, lowering his hands.
There was a pause then Ichigo started laughing. “Yeah, that’s her,” he said, “Orihime.” Still grinning, he looked at the window. “The weather sucks for a date, though.”
“So you lent it your body to meet a female,” Ulquiorra drawled, as if summing something up.
The Arrancar didn’t say another word, but it was enough to make Ichigo feel awkward since he knew perfectly well what Ulquiorra must be thinking. If the Arrancar knew the whole story, though, he’d probably have said a lot more than that. He had already been hesitant about lending Kon his body. He still didn’t quite understand why Orihime decided to go out with Kon. Or maybe he understood very well, maybe that was the reason he had been feeling awkward and guilty recently. He and Orihime had broken up about a year ago. They had been going out for about two months and everything was more or less fine, then everything just started going downhill and, after having lasted a couple more months, they broke up.
It had mostly been his fault. And now he didn’t know how he had gotten himself into a situation like this, where Kon was using his body to go out with his ex-girlfriend. No matter how he looked at it, it was nonsensical and yet he couldn’t bring himself to stop it. He knew Kon didn’t mean harm, he was just silly and excited and would probably jump anything with breasts, but Orihime… How did it work for her?
“I see you’ve finished your lunch box,” Ichigo said after a long, awkward pause. He pointed at the box.
“It is empty. I will need more,” Ulquiorra said after he saw where Ichigo was pointing.
“We’ll go to Urahara’s Shop later,” the red-head said with a nod. “First, there are some questions I want to ask you.” Sitting down at the table, he motioned for Ulquiorra to follow his lead. Interested, the Arrancar approached the table and sat down. Plagued by uncertainty of how he should start and how much he should say, Ichigo rubbed the back of his neck uncomfortably. He had tried to sort his thoughts out beforehand but now they were chaotic again.
Ulquiorra watched the red-head scribble into the notebook. Ichigo wanted to know how old he was. Ulquiorra wondered why that was relevant at all. He shrugged.
“It is quite difficult to follow the flow of years in Hueco Mundo, so I cannot really tell. Probably over a hundred years. No, maybe two?”
Absently, Ichigo drew a circle in the notebook. Was this Ulquiorra really a clone? “Do you remember your life as a Human?”
Ulquiorra shook his head. “No, not at all.”
Ichigo was a little disappointed. “I see…” he drawled. He wondered what life as a Hollow was like. It was somehow difficult to grasp. Was there anything to grasp at all, though? They were vicious and cunning, trying to lure and catch their prey at any cost. That was nearly all they were capable of, and he usually just killed Hollows. There had been a few exceptions, but…
“What did you do as a Hollow?” Ichigo wrote down and regretted asking because now the Arrancar was giving him a long stare. Well, really, what could a Hollow do except hunt for souls and other Hollows? The silence stretched in the kitchen until it became nearly tangible and the red-head thought it was better to leave it and never come back to this question again.
“I was a tree,” Ulquiorra said finally.
Ichigo blinked at him. “A tree..?” he asked again, confused. “How ‘a tree’? How can you be a tree?” He frowned at Ulquiorra. “That’s not funny, you know.”
Ulquiorra shrugged at Ichigo’s confused and bewildered face. He realized that it was difficult to believe or understand, but Hueco Mundo was vastly different from the Human World. Things in Hueco Mundo could come into or out of existence based on nothing but raw emotions. It was a barren, dark and sandy place, a desert with a few rocks and trees. Due to its sheer immensity, however, it always appeared soothing. He liked it there. Most of those memories were blurry, all he could remember was melancholy and nostalgia, but he had been at peace.
“I converged with a tree.”
“Ugh…” Ichigo hummed, shaking his head, lost. He waved his hands about. “Why? It’s a tree! It can’t walk, it can’t talk!” Ulquiorra didn’t seem to understand his bewilderment and Ichigo lowered his hands. “So what did you do as a tree?”
Now it was Ulquiorra who looked surprised. “We grew,” he said in a self-explanatory manner as if talking to a child. “We grew roots and branches. We blossomed once. It was quiet, sometimes we listened, but mostly we just slept and grew.”
Ichigo rubbed his forehead. Any other time, he would have probably found this funny, but now it was not funny at all. This talk was just giving him an eerie and creepy feeling. He found it hard to fathom, that kind of life – to do something like that on his own volition… What was more, Ulquiorra was nostalgic about that kind of life, he talked fondly of it. How bad could things be to make one want to spend their life as a tree?
“Why did you become a Hollow?” Ichigo asked even though he already knew the answer.
“I don’t remember that, I just was. Why are you asking me all these questions?”
“Ahh…” Ichigo shifted in his chair awkwardly. “Well, I was just trying to get to the part where you appear in Soul Society, in Mayuri’s lab.”
Ulquiorra’s eyebrows rose. “This is one long run-up.”
The Arrancar looked amused and Ichigo snorted. “Yeah, well, I didn’t know how else to do it.”
Ulquiorra watched the red-head try to cover up his awkwardness. Humans were strange. Ichigo was trying to be considerate, but considerate of what exactly?
“He found a part of my horn in Hueco Mundo and cloned me. I was kept in his laboratory for a while, maybe for a year or two. I was mostly unconscious, so I can’t tell.”
Ichigo stared at him. “Ah,” he finally said. “I thought you might not know.”
“Why would I not know?”
Honest confusion was apparent on Ulquiorra’s face, and Ichigo realized that there were still many things he didn’t know about Hollows. Kisuke had told him about their peculiar memory capabilities; how many other things did he not know? Musing, the red-head turned his head to the window where the rain was pelting down. If someone had told him that one day he would be sitting with Ulquiorra in his home, at his kitchen table and having a conversation just like that…
Ulquiorra turned to the window which had lit up suddenly and Ichigo started in his seat at the booming sound. It was a flash of lightning and thunder. The Arrancar somehow knew this on a subconscious level, just as he knew what rain was even though it never rained in Hueco Mundo.
“Kurosaki will not be happy to find me here.”
It took Ichigo a few moments to realize that Ulquiorra was talking about his father. That was true – he still didn’t know how he was going to break the news to his father. Besides, breaking the news was one thing; the action his father would take was another. The red-head knew very well that he shouldn’t have taken the Arrancar home, but it wasn’t like he could have left him there to be captured or killed either. It hadn’t exactly been a spur of the moment decision. Ichigo knew that, if faced with the same choice, he’d do the same.
Just to spite Ulquiorra, Ichigo wanted to tell him that as long as he didn’t try eating anyone, it should be fine, but decided that it wasn’t worth it. Ichigo’s anger concerning the incident in Urahara’s Shop had simmered down. He knew that it had been unconscious. That, however, didn’t make Ulquiorra any less dangerous.
“It’ll be fine,” Ichigo finally said.
“Are there any other questions you have?”
It seemed that Ulquiorra was serious and wasn’t trying to mock him. There were a few more questions Ichigo wanted to ask, but they concerned Mayuri’s research and it would make more sense if Kisuke cleared those up himself. Otherwise, he doubted Ulquiorra would want to speak about the time he spent in captivity, nobody would. He could only imagine how awful it was.
“No,” Ichigo said, shaking his head. “I don’t think anything else is my business.”
“I will have to return there and destroy the laboratory,” Ulquiorra said.
His body suddenly rigid, Ichigo leaned forward in his seat. “I don’t think that’s a very good idea.”
Ulquiorra didn’t understand what Ichigo had said but the objection to the idea was clear on the red-head’s face and, in reaction to it, the Arrancar’s eyes lit up like bright emerald. They glared at each other challengingly. For some reason, it only now became apparent to Ichigo that Ulquiorra would want revenge. He would try to kill Mayuri too, just as he had snapped Nemu’s neck. It was wrong, but Ichigo couldn’t deny that if Ulquiorra did this, he would be able to justify his actions.
The Arrancar noticed the red-head’s glare soften. Ichigo broke eye contact and turned his head away. Puzzled, he watched Ichigo tap the notebook with his pen.
Ichigo realized that Ulquiorra was waiting for him to say something. With a sigh, he started writing. He wondered why Ulquiorra just didn’t want to start everything anew. Just to return to Hueco Mundo and…well, just do what Hollows do.
“You all keep calling me a Hollow,” Ulquiorra said after reading what Ichigo had scribbled down. “I am not. And yes, I will return to Hueco Mundo as soon as I deal with him.”
Ichigo suppressed a groan. This was going to blow up right in his face. Or right in Mayuri’s face. “I understand that you’ve got a bone to pick with him; I won’t interfere in your and Mayuri’s affairs. But there can’t be any innocent victims.”
Ulquiorra’s eyebrow arched. “Innocent? In that case you could blow up the entire Soul Society and there would be no victims.”
Ichigo rolled his eyes. The pot calling the kettle black. “I’m serious here.”
“I think you have a faulty conviction that you can order me around.”
This was what Ichigo had been waiting for. He didn’t think he was ordering the Arrancar around. He, however, had to agree with Kisuke’s opinion that Ulquiorra had really been compliant all this time, too compliant. Up until now, when it really mattered.
“I don’t know,” Ichigo spat, “maybe because I saved your sorry ass and now don’t want to be responsible for hundreds of innocent people’s deaths!” Nearly growling in frustration, he wrote down a few sentences, the letters big and sketchy. He slapped the notebook on the table in front of Ulquiorra.
“That’s utter drivel,” Ulquiorra said after reading. “What hundreds of deaths? I just want to destroy my horn and anything else that could be used.”
“Ah,” Ichigo said suddenly, leaning back in his chair, his frustration completely lost in shock. “Ah,” he repeated. “You think he’ll continue cloning…? Well, yes,” he drawled in realization, “He would…” Ichigo rubbed at his face with his palms. Behind his closed eyelids he could see not one but three, no, five emaciated Ulquiorras in tattered clothing, covered in their own blood, begging him to kill them.
Ulquiorra was right, they had to destroy the horn and make sure Mayuri ceased whatever he had been doing with it. Now how to do it was… He let out a long groan. If this ended badly, he might end up accused of treason. Keeping Ulquiorra at his house probably already was.
“I’ll help you,” Ichigo said, resigned to his fate. “But we’ll need a plan. A very good plan or we’ll end up being chased by all thirteen squads and their captains. And no one has to die.”
“What? Why do you keep talking? You know I can’t hear you.”
Muttering under his breath, Ichigo started writing. He could definitely see why Ulquiorra would want to kill Mayuri, but the only thing he wanted to aid him in was destroying the horn.
Ulquiorra looked at the notebook with unconcealed surprise and his green eyes rose to Ichigo. Now there was suspicion in those eyes. “Why do you want to get involved? This doesn’t concern you at all.”
“Yes, it does,” Ichigo said firmly. “I don’t like what he’s doing either. And…” Not finishing his sentence, he turned his head at the sound of the front door opening and closed his mouth. His own voice wafted from the corridor and soon Kon and Orihime appeared in the kitchen doorway. Kon gave Ichigo a sheepish look.
“She wanted to see him as soon as I told her.”
“Oh, really?” Ichigo wondered. “And what part of ‘Don’t tell anyone’ did you not understand?”
TBC
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The Heart in My Hand