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Underneath It All	By : Raceysama Category: Bleach > Yaoi - Male/Male > Grimmjow/Ichigo Views: 4160 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 2
Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach, any of the songs mentioned are not my own, nor do I make any profit from these works......

Chapter List
- 3
- 4
- 5
CHAPTER 4: PAIN
Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach...
Onwards...
XOXOXOXO
"Get. Out."
"But Grimmy-"
"Cirucci, if you call me that one more fuckin' time, I'm gonna rip out your tongue! Just...do us both a favor, and go," Grimmjow snapped.
What the hell? This was ridiculous. Either she was going through an enormous amount of denial, or she just refused to get it. He'd been nice, giving her an easy out without completely humiliating her the way he really wanted to...and she wouldn't budge.
Grimmjow ran a hand through his blue hair, making it fall across his brow and stand on end. It mirrored his frustrations at the moment perfectly. He paced the living room, agitation clearly rolling off of him and hovering in a dangerous cloud, as he quickly lost his patience.
"Grimmjow, what's wrong? You've been cranky all week!"
Everytime she spoke, it felt like another of his nerves withered and disappeared. So, cruelty it was then.
"Have you noticed I haven't fucked you in over a month, Cirucci?" He asked, as he abruptly stopped creating tracks in the carpet. Cirucci gaped at him, mouth falling open in shock. "No? Wanna know why?"
"I-I, I thought-"
"Yeah, I know. You thought I was stupid! Like I wouldn't find out about you and Ilfort or something. Did you forget that his fuckin' brother is my friend? Or are you so much of a whore that you don't give a shit? God, I tried to be nice and just break it off, but you wanna stand there and pretend that nothing's wrong! Like I'm losing my mind!"
Cirucci just stood, unmoving, her mouth working open and closed like a fish, so Grimmjow decided to assist her with her departure by piling on the harsh reality.
"Still not sinkin' in, huh? Well, let's try this, then. I don't even fuckin' like you anymore, and I haven't for some time. I was just too lazy to get rid of you before, but I'm tired of cringing in embarrassment when someone mentions my name along with yours. You've got to go. I can't tolerate you anymore." He'd stalked up and faced off with her, and she still wasn't moving.
Shaking his head in absolute revulsion, he gripped her shoulders and steered her to the front door. Finally, she paused in the open doorway, after shrugging his hands from her shoulders, and turned to face him, tears clinging to her lashes.
"You're such an asshole," she whispered.
"Well, ya know, I'd rather be an asshole than a fuckin' slut," he sneered, before slamming the door in her face.
Never had he experienced a more dense woman. He strode to the couch, before falling onto it to try to calm what little nerves he had left. It wasn't even that he was upset about her cheating, because he strangely didn't care. Any like he'd felt for the woman had long dissipated and developed into nothing more than tolerance and convenience. However, the situation with Ilfort was embarrassing and made him seem like he couldn't keep a woman happy. Or worse yet, as if he were dumb and easily taken advantage of. That was the last fucking straw.
Grimmjow had finally reached the end of his ropes and ended things with the short, dark-haired woman two days prior, but she relentlessly hounded him, making him resort to being brutally honest. At least she now understood that he knew about her shameless indiscretions, and that he no longer wanted anything to do with her.
The doorbell ringing interrupted his musings and he scowled deeply. What the fuck was she thinking? Hadn't he been absolutely clear? He stormed to the door, cursing his bad luck the whole way, and threw it open to find...Ulquiorra.
"What're you doin' here?"
"I was unaware I needed a reason to visit my best friend," the petite man answered, while stepping inside and closing the door. Grimmjow shrugged and headed back to the couch. "So, I saw Cirucci leaving. She looked upset."
Grimmjow reclined against the plush cushions of the couch and silently observed one of his best friends. Ulquiorra Schiffer was short and petite, had inky black hair, wide emerald green eyes, and what seemed like an emotionless disposition. Unless one knew him of course. He had an incredibly dry and sarcastic sense of humor, and Grimmjow had instantly liked him.
"Yeah, so?" He replied after a while. Ulquiorra gave a small smirk.
"You've let her go, then?"
"I'm not an idiot, I was just being lazy."
"Well, Nnoitra will be overjoyed."
"Uh, you two still...?" Grimmjow probed hesitantly, making the smaller man crack a full-blown grin.
"Yes, we're still seeing each other."
"Ahh. Why're you laughin'?" He grumbled.
"You're strange," Ulquiorra uttered between soft chuckles.
"I'm not strange, it's just...you, me and Jiruga...we grew up together, so, forgive me if I'm a little...weirded out...seein' my two best friends kissin' an' all." Ulquiorra raised a brow, but held the smirk in place.
"You disapprove?"
"No, stupid! It's just...odd. Gonna take some gettin' used to, that's all. Yor, don't be a bastard, ya know what I mean. I don't have anything against gays an' you know it. Besides, you and bandana boy are my family."
"Yes, I know," Ulquiorra responded quietly.
XOXOXOXO
Fourth Year
Karakura Elementary
April 1995
He was being stared at, but that was nothing out of the ordinary. Actually, he would be surprised if no one did stare. His blue hair and vivid blue eyes were highly abnormal for a Japanese person, and always cause for commotion no matter where he went.
He got his looks from his German-American father who had met his Japanese mother through the army. Alric Jaegerjaques had been born and raised in America, joined the army at age eighteen and was soon after stationed in Okinawa. He met a beautiful dark haired, and dark eyed girl named Hanako that he fell in love with, and subsequently married. A year later, Grimmjow was born. A pretty traditional boy meets girl, falls in love, marries and then has babies kind of story, with the exception of his mother's death when he was only two.
His dad told him that his mother had been returning home from shopping, when a speeding car ran a red light and hit her. His dad had been devastated, or so he'd said, but it must have been true because he'd never remarried. He even did pretty well raising Grimmjow as a single parent. His father was a little, er, eccentric, what with his western background and speaking rapid-fire English whenever he got pissed, but other than that, he was ok. Actually, Grimmjow adored his father, but he would never admit that out loud.
After several more years with the army, he and his father moved to this small town named Karakura and today was the first day of school. His father had a hand on his shoulder, gently urging him forward.
"Do I really gotta go?" he asked, his voice sullen.
"Grimmjow, since when did you become a coward?" his father asked with raised brows. Grimmjow wrinkled his nose aggravatedly.
"I'm not a coward, Pop."
"I can't tell."
He knew this was his dad's way of baiting him into going into the school without putting up a fight, and he hated that it was working. Sighing heavily, he adjusted his backpack and headed for the entrance, only pausing to glance over his shoulder and wave.
"See ya, Pop."
"Have a good day, Grimmjow!" his father called cheerfully.
Grimmjow dragged his feet as he made his way through the crowd of children ogling him with various degrees of curiosity and scorn. He ignored the pointing fingers and not so quiet whispers of "gaijin". Stupid idiots. Just because he looked different, they immediately thought he wasn't "one of them".
He found his class easily and seated himself in the back nearest the window, pointedly staring out of it. When the teacher called his name to introduce him as the new student, he growled in annoyance. He didn't want to be put on display like some piece of jewelry, but he went to the front of the classroom anyway. As he surveyed the faces of children he wouldn't bother getting to know, his gaze fell on a boy wearing a black bandana over his left eye and a wide, lazy, piano-toothed grin. The hell?
Deciding to ignore the strange kid, his eyes fell on another weird one staring right back at him with big, emerald-green eyes and a deadpan expression. Now that was odd. A Japanese kid with eyes that color? Hmm. So, he wasn't the only "gaijin" here.
The teacher finally allowed him to take his seat and for the rest of the period, his mind wandered aimlessly. Lunch came, and he found a nice little spot under a large tree to eat in peace. Or so he'd thought.
He'd only taken one bite from his turkey sandwich, when the sun was blocked by a tall form looming over him. Scowling darkly, he glanced up to see the bandana kid.
"Yeah?" he asked impatiently. The kid's already wide grin seemed to devour the rest of his features.
"Why the hell ya got blue hair? And yer eyes're blue too. That ain't normal."
Grimmjow set his sandwich down, stood and dusted his pants off. So, that was how it was, huh? This guy had guts approaching him like that though, he'd admit that much.
Holy cow, but this kid was fuckin' tall! Grimmjow noticed the green-eyed boy standing behind the bandana kid and sneered expertly.
"So? He's got green eyes. That ain't normal either."
Oh, well, that must've pissed bandana boy off because the next thing Grimmjow knew, he was staggering backwards from a punch to his jaw. Oh, yeah? Before the tall fucker could react, he leaped forward, sweeping him off his feet, and planting his elbow in his nose while the kid was on his way down.
Bandana boy rolled to his feet, clutching his nose and giving Grimmjow a murderous glare. He started to come forward again, but the green-eyed boy interfered, just as a teacher rushed over.
"What is going on?" she demanded, a pair of glasses slipping down her nose.
When nothing was said, she dragged the both of them off to the principal's office, where their parents were called. They were sitting a few chairs away from each other, waiting to be picked up, when bandana boy spoke.
"You can fight?" he asked quietly. Grimmjow scoffed haughtily.
"Course I can. If I couldn't, I'd get my ass kicked everyday just coz of my looks."
"Cool. Name's Nnoitra. Nnoitra Jiruga. Green eyes is my best friend, Ulquiorra Schiffer. We'll be yer friends from now on," he said, rather authoritatively and Grimmjow frowned.
"But you just hit me..." Nnoitra turned that wide grin on him again, and raised his visible brow.
"Yeah, so? Can't hang with a wuss, now, can I?" Grimmjow slowly returned the grin.
"Grimmjow, honestly! Your first day, son?" his father interrupted.
"Sorry, Pop, won't happen again," he answered as he stood, and turned back to Nnoitra. "See ya, bandana boy." Nnoitra smirked.
"Later, Blue."
XOXOXOXO
Yamanaka Apartments
October 2007
Renji jerked upright, throwing the covers from him desperately, and rushed to the bathroom, stumbling over the discarded blanket. He'd just barely made it to the toilet, before he was wretching violently, body covered in a cold sweat. He was trembling like a leaf and tears poured from his eyes.
Fuck! He hated having those nightmares. Reliving those moments was torture and it seemed like he could never escape them. Then he would wake to an empty life that no longer held any meaning for him at all, not even with Rukia there. He'd lost the only person that had truly meant something to him after the...incident. Ichigo.
He scooted back against the wall of the bathroom, drew his legs up to his chest and cradled his head on his knees. Tears continued to make tracks down his cheeks as he grit his teeth. Fuckin' Strawberry. He'd been like Renji's brother, doing almost everything with him. Then Ichigo had gone and...betrayed him. His stomach clenched at the memory of walking in on his best friend being blown by a guy. He shuddered and gripped his elbows.
Ichigo didn't understand why Renji hated gay men, because he'd never explained the...incident...to him. He couldn't. It was too humiliating and painful just to remember, so he knew talking about it would probably put him six feet under. God, but he missed Ichigo so much, even if he did hate what he was. Even if he did kick his ass everytime he saw him, hoping against hope that it would knock some sense into the stubborn strawberry. Stupid, right?
Ichigo was proud of what he was, and Renji was losing hope in ever getting his old friend back. The friend he knew before he started sleeping with guys. Shit! Renji fought the nausea washing over him as his thoughts went back to his nightmares.
XOXOXOXO
Abarai Household
January 1996
"Renji-kun, your mom is going to be late coming from work tonight, so make sure you do your homework, take your bath and get to bed, ok?"
"Yes, Tatsuya-san," he answered from his spot at the kitchen table.
Renji hated being left alone with his step-father when his mother worked over-time. He was weird and always gave him these strange looks that made him fidget and feel extremely uncomfortable. Renji couldn't put his finger on exactly what it was, but he didn't like it.
He had just finished his homework after eating dinner, when Tatsuya entered the kitchen wearing boxers and a t-shirt.
"I ran your bath, Renji-kun," he said in that silky smooth voice of his.
Renji nodded and gathered his school materials, before trailing off to his bedroom to prepare for his bath. Hopefully, his mom would come home soon. He stepped into the bathroom, uncomfortably aware of Tatsuya watching him intently from the living room down the short hall.
Renji bathed and brushed his teeth in record time, eager to hop into bed to get away from his creepy ass step-father. As soon as he settled under his blanket, wearing a t-shirt and super-hero pajama pants, his bedroom door cracked open.
He listened to the quiet padding of feet as they crossed the room to where he lay, and he felt the slight dip in the bed from the added weight of another body. His eyes widened when he felt his blanket being pulled away from his suddenly trembling body. What was his step-father doing?
Suddenly, Renji was rolled onto his back and nose-to-nose with Tatsuya's leering face. He began to panic when the man lowered his lips to Renji's, prying his mouth open and forcing his wet and writhing tongue inside. He pushed against Tatsuya's chest, trying his hardest to get him to move, but his step-father was using his larger body to overpower him. Besides, there was only so much an eight-year old could do against a fully grown adult male.
Renji whimpered helplessly, tears rolling silently down his cheeks, as the man's hand reached into his pajama bottoms and grasped him tightly. Finally, Tatsuya pulled away from his mouth and Renji opened it to scream, but the man's large hand quickly covered it.
"Ah, ah! I wouldn't do that, Renji-kun, we don't wanna wake the neighbors, ne?"
Renji didn't respond. All he could do was cry and squirm and writhe pitifully, trying his best to stop his step-father. When Tatsuya rolled away from him, he exhaled in relief, glad that it was over, only to have his hair pulled forcefully, as he was yanked towards the man's now exposed erection. God, no! Where was his mom when he needed her?
"Please, Tatsuya-san, don't! I won't tell my mom, I promise! Just, please stop!" Renji pleaded, but his step-father just grinned lewdly.
"Renji-kun, just kiss it. It won't hurt you. C'mon now."
Renji's tears fell in earnest as he whined and shook his head desperately. He wouldn't do that! It was wrong! It was immoral! Tatsuya tugged harshly at his hair, making him wince and fall forward, even closer to his manhood.
Renji knew the man wouldn't let up unless he did as he was told, so he leaned forward, closing the short distance and pressed a chaste kiss to the man's erection. He pulled back as if he'd been burned, but Tatsuya yanked him forward again.
"Now lick."
"Tatsuya-san, plea-"
"Do it!" his step-father snarled, and Renji released a sob before doing what he said.
As soon as he opened his mouth, Tatsuya forced his head down, making him gag and choke. Renji was so scared, he was shaking uncontrollably. He was forced to suck his step-father off, before the man pulled him away, and forced him to his knees.
When Renji's pajama bottoms were snatched off and his behind raised in the air, he all-out panicked, thrashing and kicking wildly. He didn't know what Tatsuya had planned, but he didn't like this exposed feeling and vulnerable position. He felt something slick, warm and blunt probing at him from behind, and he was ashamed to realize that he was peeing himself with fear.
He screamed. Long and loudly.
XOXOXOXO
Yamanaka Apartments
October 2007
Renji remembered the searing, mind-numbing pain, and awakening in a hospital room with his uncle Kisuke sitting beside him. He'd always liked the cheerful blond and secretly wished the man had been his father.
Renji hadn't asked any questions when he was sent to live with Kisuke and his little cousins Ururu and Jinta in Karakura Town, but a few years down the line, he'd discovered that his mother had come home to find Tatsuya hunched over Renji's prone form, and retrieving a kitchen knife, killed the man then and there. She later had a nervous breakdown, blaming herself for what had happened, and was currently in a mental institution.
Renji had gone to visit her once, but when she didn't recognize him, he never went again. It had hurt too badly to see her that way. So, he'd buried the whole thing deeply inside himself and moved on. Sure, it had been extremely hard, what with the recurring nightmares for months and all, but eventually he managed to force it to the farthest recesses of his mind.
Making friends had helped a lot. Especially when he met Ichigo. Their friendship had been his healing salve, and he had almost recovered until...fuck! He needed to sleep.
Renji trudged back to bed after brushing his teeth, and buried himself beneath his blanket. He sincerely hoped the nightmares were done for the night.
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Underneath It All