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A Cupful of Heartache	By : wolfkin59 Category: Bleach > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 2746 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I neither own Bleach nor make money for writing this story.

Chapter List
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Nakkinomiko: Thanks for the review! I'm working on it! If only AFF and my damn computer will cooperate! This is the third time tonight/this morning I've tried to write and post this third chapter, and I'm getting kinda pissed.... (Edit: Hey, it worked this time!!)
Raymy: I'm...probably one of those lurkers about half the time, too. *scratches head* It's a fault of mine.
It's neat to hear that you're inclined to review my stories, though. Heheh. Makes me happy to know - and I'm definitely working on keeping the quality up there, which is why sometimes my chapters may take a while to get out. If the delay bothers you (or if, as you mentioned, you want to talk about stories, give input, whatever), you're free to email me at wolf.kin.flight@gmail.com - just please, make sure you have "AFF" or one of my story titles in the summary, so I know it's not a spam message!
*grin* Four compliments on my writing - wow! Thanks! I love it when readers can specifically tell me what they like or think could use improvement. As for my writing style...I don't know if you've noticed this yet, but to a degree it changes depending on the characters and situations I'm dealing with, because I don't like to let characters get OOC; it bothers me horribly. The change in style helps, I think.
And I'm addicted to the more adult fan fics, too. *grin* Thus why I write them, of course.

Chapter Three:
Tessai entered the kitchen the next morning with a sinking heart. His longtime friend had been so determinedly absent last night that even Kyôraku's quick wits and sharp senses had been unable to locate him. And as if he didn't have enough to depress him just trying to help the Urahara, every time he tried to think up another way to improve the blond's mood, his first thought (his instinctive thought, after all these years) was, Yoruichi could - and then he remembered. She can't. Not anymore. Heartache piled on heartache, and though he knew it was for the best that the children weren't around Kisuke at this point...he also missed their rambunctious and earnest actions. ... I'll go visit them after I fix breakfast, he decided. Surely my help won't be needed except with meals, now that Ukitake-san is back and no doubt informed everyone of the results of his visit?
A loud yawn interrupted his musing, signalling Kyôraku's surprisingly early arrival. "He around?" asked the brunette sleepily.
"I have not been able to find him," said Tessai.
Sighing softly, the captain ran a hand through his loose hair before tying it back. "Hide and seek, is it, Kis-kun?" he wondered aloud. "Alright, I guess I'll play, too." He picked up the tray containing their breakfasts and let his senses seek the blond.
...nothing. He must still be hiding his reiatsu.... Well, that was inconvenient. That meant searching him out the hard way; when Shunsui was tired, his senses dulled, so even if he flared his own reiatsu he wouldn't be able to locate the blond that way.

By the time Shunsui found the blond, the food was cold. But he couldn't bring himself to be mad.
For the first time since his arrival - and most probably since Yoruichi's death - Urahara Kisuke was asleep. Blond hair rumpled, bags beneath his eyes, mouth slightly open, looking so innocent...Shunsui felt a surge of emotion. Not many people got to see the shopkeeper like this. He valued his privacy, so even visiting shinigami were kept at arm's length. But now...now he was sleeping even with Shunsui present and tolerated Shunsui's gentle pestering better even than his old friend Tessai's.
He tried not to get his hopes up, but Kyôraku Shunsui had always been a dreamer - and what else was hope but a dream with intention?
Then a frown ruffled the smooth brow and the corners of Kisuke's mouth turned down. A nearly inaudible whimper crept from the blond - heartbroken, tragic, tugging on Shunsui's heart strings.
Brown eyes darkened with sorrow - more for the blond than for himself. "Hey, Kis," he called softly, trying to rouse the younger man. But the blond merely frowned a slight bit more, twitched a little further into the bed, and fell even more deeply asleep. Such a reaction had Shunsui's brow furrowing with worry and confusion. "Kisuke?"
Well, this situation could turn in an instant.... But surely he was quick enough to dodge even when he wasn't already on guard? So he reached out and set a hand on the blond's shoulder anyway.
It was strangely similar to being hit by a lightning bolt; he saw those gorgeous eyes snap open, full of some emotion he didn't have time to name - and suddenly he was being slammed to the floor with a sword through his shoulder and a splitting pain flashed through his head. Everything went black.

When the body beneath him stilled, Kisuke froze, eyes wide but unseeing. It took a long moment for his surroundings to register. And when they did, he almost wished they hadn't.
Kyôraku Shunsui's still form lay under him, Benihime through his shoulder. And somehow his other hand must have found the dagger hidden in his robes, because that was reversed in his other hand and looked to have struck the brunette harshly upside the head...and knocked him cold in the process.
Somewhere in the depths of himself, there was a sensation akin to that oh shit moment but more distant. Kisuke couldn't feel his emotions, but probably the ones he should have felt were regret and shock. Certainly he hadn't meant to do anything to the brunette! But....
He must have been sleeping, he realized. Reflexes. He could curse his reflexes. But in the meantime, he had to make some form of reparations.
Thankfully I subconsciously reversed the dagger. If he hadn't, Kisuke would've felt really guilty and uncontrolled. As it was....
The blond stripped Shunsui's upper half to the skin, prepared a healing kidô and got to work.

With a groan, Kyôraku Shunsui came to. His head hurt, his shoulder felt like it was on fire, and he didn't remember lying down. He went to sit up before thinking - a mistake. As the pain surged anew, he tried to relax and think back.
Wait.
...no, he still didn't remember lying down, but now he remembered why he ought to be. And for that matter, his haori had been pulled down to his waist and there was a bandage covering his shoulder - and subsequently, approximately half his torso. So he'd been examined and treated before being abandoned. (This last had to've been the blond; Tessai wouldn't have left before he woke, he was fairly sure.)
Damn the brat, he grumbled half-heartedly in his head. Wounds me and knocks me cold for waking him, then treats me and leaves. If it weren't so contrarily Kisuke I'd be mad - and if it weren't for the reason behind this current situation it would even be amusing. But.... Well, I guess I should've expected that and been more careful, he admitted to himself. Anyone who had been exiled was someone it was wise to be wary around, even if their exile had been revoked. Urahara Kisuke had been a captain - and was still an eccentric genius who thought in such a way that not even Seireitei's own scientific genius, Kurotsuchi Mayuri, could outthink him. (A fact which irritated Kurotsuchi to no end...and typically stirred vague amusement from Shunsui, who suspected Kisuke found it amusing that he was stuck in a rivalry that he wasn't even bothering to participate in. But then the blond had always been impossible to understand fully.) All of which meant, essentially, that the younger man wasn't someone Shunsui ought to have underestimated.
Disgruntled, he mentally kicked himself again. "... Damn it," he growled. For all that he hurt like hell at the moment - and his back was griping about being slammed into the floor - his main worry was about the blond who'd once again performed that vanishing trick.
Forcing himself up, he debated for a moment on whether or not to pull his haori back up but decided against it. It would hurt too much...and besides, he was lazy. Less effort was better and he would take this excuse. There was no one from Seireitei around who could see him and get demoralized, so there was no need to keep his captain's dignified, unflappable, invincible air.
Besides, maybe he could use this to guilt trip Kisuke. Him and that habit of up and leaving.... Would've been nice to wake up to a contrite blond, but I guess that's too much to ask for....
Then he stepped into the kitchen - where Tessai was making lunch.
"Food will be ready in a few minutes," stated the big man, not turning around. He stirred something in a pot, then another something in a wok, nodded to himself and finally faced the brunette.
He froze for a moment, then pushed his glasses up. "I assume this has something to do with that...outburst...I felt from him not so long ago?"
Shunsui grimaced. "He was having a nightmare, so I tried to bring him out of it, but...his reflexes kicked in." And now I'm kicking myself for not being prepared to use my own reflexes to dodge.
Tessai sighed softly. Oh dear.... "Well, on the positive side, at least he took care of your wounds, even if he didn't let me know." He ran an assessing gaze over the other, older man. "Even did a pretty good job. I'll touch it up after the meal," he said, casting what was possibly an amused glance at the brunette. "That way you can try your hand at a guilt trip or two."
Huffing a laugh that had him wincing and rubbing his shoulder but still wasn't painful enough to wipe the smile from his face, Shunsui said, "Yeah, I was thinking about that." Ruefully, he acknowledged that he'd been doing more than just thinking about it.... Entire haphazard plans had been schemed!
"I'm sure you were, Kyôraku-san. I'm sure you were."
As he accepted the tray and balanced it with his uninjured arm, the older shinigami smiled. It was incongruous when considering his wound, perhaps, but he felt that there were currently more reasons to smile than to be somber. Even if he did make quite a sight with the entire upper half of his uniform hanging from his waist.

Kisuke looked up when he heard someone enter the room, only to quickly avert his eyes when he realized who it was.
Looks like I won't have to try to guilt trip him. He seems to be doing a pretty good job on his own. Softly, he said, "Lunch."
It was easy to say, but not so easy to set down. He had to use both hands for that, and his injured shoulder protested. Shunsui bit back a smile when his flinch of pain drew a flinch of sympathy and guilt from the blond.
"Not your fault," he told the other man quietly. "I knew better." Ease the guilt, or he'll be absolutely unpredictable - and I can't stabilize him if I can't predict his moods or actions.
"Knew better than what?" scoffed Urahara. His voice was soft but bitter - and Shunsui's eyes softened. "All you did was wake me up."
Wryly, the brunette drawled, "In one sense, yes. But would you try to wake, say, young Ichigo, from a nightmare with a hand on his shoulder?"
Silence fell, the blond considering and Shunsui waiting with steady patience. Kisuke wasn't sure quite what to think. He knew he was to blame for at least half of the incident. Finally, Urahara turned his eyes back to Kyôraku.
Internally feeling some relief - though still a lot of guilt remained - the blond scoffed. "Well if you want to take some of the blame, I suppose I'll let you," he said reluctantly. No, I won't.
"You should," agreed Shunsui, smiling slightly. Yes, you will. "Kurosaki's reflexes might make him dangerous, but you're not so much of a risk when you're not fully with it, because your mind is at least half the problem your enemies run into. I knew better; this way maybe I'll remember next time."
Lunch passed in silence; Kisuke was still lost in thought, while Shunsui wasn't sure how to pull the Urahara out of his brooding. But when he caught himself starting to drowse, well, something had to be done.
"If you're not going anywhere soon, do you mind if I take a nap?" the brunette queried mournfully. I'm tired and I hurt, damn it.... His gaze was an unspoken plea.
Puzzled, the blond replied, "Why should I care if you doze?"
Taking that to mean that the blond had no intention of going anywhere soon, Shunsui smirked - and made short work of stretching out with his head on the blond's lap.
Kisuke blinked. What the hell?
Shunsui hm'd under his breath. "You make a good pillow," he told the other man. "Comfy."
It took less than a split second for the Urahara - startled, wary and anti-social - to dump the other man off his lap and leap to his feet. He didn't realize that Shunsui had also been moving at the same time, disregarding his wounded shoulder in favor of catching the blond's wrist in a grasp that refused to allow another vanishing act.
Meeting the brunette's eyes once again, Kisuke'd meant to demand to be let go...but....
Kyôraku Shunsui was a master of the kicked puppy look, an expression he'd long had experience with. It didn't work on Ukitake Jûshirô, who had his own frailties and knew better than to fall for his friend's acts, though he might humor Shunsui periodically. It didn't work on Yamamoto Genryûsai Shigekuni, who had so many years of experience under his belt that he had seen through the brunette's facades from the start; if he let the brunette get away with it, Shunsui knew he wasn't going to like something that would happen soon. It didn't even work on Kyôraku's lieutenant, Ise Nanao - though in her case it was probably because she'd seen him drunk and disorderly when he was supposed to be working, so she didn't feel sympathy for him.
But the kicked puppy look worked on Urahara Kisuke. Oh, it didn't cheer him up, but it guilt tripped him wonderfully, making him grumble and sit back down. He even let Kyôraku lay back down with his head in the blond's lap to doze. Kisuke wasn't happy about it - he knew he was being manipulated and was a bit miffed about that - but...well, he did still feel guilty about having injured Kyôraku in the first place, even as a sleepy reflex. So he owed the man. And he'd always been a sucker for the odd ones out, which perhaps explained why he'd fallen for that expression on Shunsui's face.
Thinking of why, exactly, he'd fallen for the kicked puppy look made him think on Yoruichi and her playful kitten looks...memories that were glorious in themselves but which also reminded him that she was dead. And his mood plummeted as his thoughts kept circling back to his best friend's sudden passing.
Something jerked against his leg, drawing his attention outward.
In his sleep, Shunsui pressed his face harder against the blond's leg. His brow furrowed; strands of cocoa-colored hair worked their way out of the tie at Shunsui's nape, feathering across his face as if trying to shield him from the world.
Concerned - though he could barely feel it, since he'd mentally distanced himself from his emotions as best he could when he first heard of Yoruichi's death - the blond didn't even realize he was moving until his hand was halfway outstretched.
What -? Why -? He couldn't finish either thought, but when Shunsui let out a low, hurt whimper, that outstretched hand wrapped around the brunette's side, taking care not to jostle the wounded shoulder, and pulled him a little closer. Hopefully the older man would physically sense the company.
As if in counterpoint to the arm holding onto the sleeping shinigami, the blond's free hand swept across to rub gently at the upturned temple before carding through wisps of hair that had escaped confinement.
I don't know what I'm doing. What am I doing? Why am I doing it? ...why is he sleeping on me? Deep in his heart, part of him whispered brokenly, Yoruichi....
He didn't understand, but she was no longer there to explain. If he hadn't been held down by Shunsui using him as a pillow, the blond would have been gone long since, fleeing heartache.
The brunette's head moved, nuzzling against him, bringing him out of his thoughts once more. Still fairly well asleep, Shunsui took a deep breath and sighed lightly in his sleep, nose tucked close to the younger man.
Kisuke looked down, the corners of his mouth twitching up in the barest hint of a smile - one heartfelt, thankful, yet still sad.
I don't want to make him move. Definitely don't want to wake him up. But I'm getting tired....
Urahara Kisuke looked down with a distantly rueful expression, eyeing his current companion with no little consternation. He manipulated me...and I let him. It was tempting to just wake the older man, but Kisuke could tell Shunsui hadn't been sleeping well. If he could sleep well now, who was Kisuke to deny him that?
He leaned back against the wall and closed his eyes. Beside them on the floor, the tray held Shunsui's empty dishes and one more half-eaten meal. Lunch was over. Tessai was out. For two tired males, it was a time to nap and be lazy. There was no one around to care but them, after all.

A/N: I have discovered that I really, intensely dislike the computer I'm on right now. I had this last scene finished in a somewhat different manner and the entire chapter edited probably more thoroughly than it is now - and that entire third of the data that was different: I lost it, thanks to the damn computer rebooting with no warning and no time to save anything (and when it restarted, it had nothing to do with Heartache up at all and wouldn't let me restore anything that had been there previously) and I'd seriously been maybe a minute away from posting it on two different sites.
Pissed. Me. Off.
*deep breath* So, I hope this chapter also suits the mood of the story so far (back and forth, up and down, a kind of zig-zag pattern all over the place, hahaha), though I'd wanted to end it on a happier note for once, thus the closing of the scene that way. Hope you enjoyed it!
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A Cupful of Heartache