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Tortured Soul	By : Lord_Xusecer Category: Bleach > Yaoi - Male/Male > Renji/Ichigo Views: 3064 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own bleach or any of it contents. I do not profit from it or make any money in any way, shape or from.

Chapter List
- 2
- 3
- 4
Edited 8/02/12: Fixed a lot of minor mistakes. Fixed allot of the spelling errors, and simple grammar mistakes. Shortened lengthy first personal sentences and shortened them to make it more realistic. Over all it's less jarring than before, but it's still not perfect.

Chapter 2:

It was quarter after five when I heard the door to my bedroom open. Of course it was my father who else would it be, and to make it worse he had three things in his hands. I look at him as he came down on top of me and put his hand over my mouth. With one hand like magic, he handcuffed my hands. He leaned down inched from my neck as he whispered in my ear.

"You know what I just realized? That you had your one-hundred and fiftieth man in the basement last night. I have come to this conclusion, that you're officially a faggot. Yes boy your one of them." he said them in that voice that made it seem like it was so wrong. I just look at him as he brought a black cloth from beside me and gaged me with it. I tried to stop him but it was too late. My pleads were muffled by his already present hand, as the cloth placed in my mouth. He grabbed my head, and securely tied it behind my head. When he finished with that, he pulled out a pair of scissors from his pocket. It wasn't long after that when I found that my shirt cut from me and lying on the floor beside my bed.

"See I told you. You are a good player. Now relax boy and let me work my magic." He then grabbed my belt, off the back of my chair, which had what I was going to wear today laying on the back, and looped around the handcuff chain. He used my belt as a way to tie my hands to the bed. He got up and told me to lie still as he left the room. This was wonderful; this was really what I needed at quarter to five in the morning. I hadn't even slept two hours which is not unusual for nights like last night. On those nights I truly lucky to even get one hour let alone two. I guess this was one of those better nights.

When he came back he had what I though looked like a scalpel, but it wasn't it was one of the precision knifes you would use to cut small shaped out of cardboard or paper. I look at him as he got a grin on his face. That grin sent shivers down my spine as I slowly pictured could be done to me with that. He climbed back on me as he looked down at my chest that was bare and sticking out ready for him. He just laughed as he reached down and ran his hand across my chest. In lines that simulated lines that could be made with a knife. My eyes widened with fear I had a feeling that he was going to do something, like cut me. It terrified me that he was in control, I never knew what to expect. Since there was a knife in his hand, or should I say precision blade I assumed that it was going to cause me pain. Which would explain why I'm gaged? Yeah like I would, that only makes him want to cause more pain. Yeah I learned that the hard way and ever since then he has always gaged me.

"I do believe you are ready to experience pain boy, since you're now a faggot. I will treat you like one." as he reach he down and pushed the knife into my skin near my left collar-bone. As the knife broke through my skin the pain was unbelievable as he drug the knife down about an inch. It hurt like fucking hell, and I screamed into the cloth that was muffling the father just laughed at me as I tried to scream in pain, as it came out as muffled grunts of anger.

The wound, as I watched the blood seep out of it, was only a thin line that ran about an inch. He then grabbed a white rag and placing it on it and proceeded to do the same to the other side. I could only scream in pain, as the gag held it back. I struggled in the restraints trying to free my hands to get him to stop. I was not use. My belt held my hands above my head and the handcuffs securely held my hands in place. He just looked at me with those rage filled eyes of hatred.

I nearly passed out from the pain, as it was unbearable. He never did anything like this before. The most he did was cause scratches and minor cuts, but today it seemed like the demon that was inside of him released as it wanted to cause me hell. He just looked at me with those eyes again as he finished on the other side. He seemed pleased with the amount of pain I was in. I'm scared and just as ashamed to admit it, as there is not very much that scares me. I would have gladly died trying to save her from the Soul Society, but him I think it's the psychological shit he does to me. When he scares me, like he did now, I immediately think of death.

When he finished, I was almost at the verge of tears. He just smiled at that as he leaned back down to my neck and whispered. "This is your fault that I keep doing this. It is your fault I feel like this, and because of that I have decided to punish you for my loneliness. It's fitting since we all know you're the cause of it. You know I felt extremely lonely last night while I tried to sleep in my cold bed all by myself." He used that evil demonic voice as he told me that. It was true it was my fault; it was my fault that the two things that everyone treasured in this family were dead. I keep replaying that event in my head, trying to think of an alternative way it could have ended. Then I realize that I was nine years old. What could I have possibly done to change that outcome? I didn't even know it was coming, I didn't even realize it was a trap for me. It was too late when I saw it, and it took her in one swoop. It took my mother from me. I watched as it laughed and ate something that resembles a spirit. When I looked down my mother, she was... I feel the tears on my eyes, just thinking of this. I watched her die right in front of me, and yet it didn't even register in head until I heard she was dead. That was the event I was talking about, that is what changed him. That is what changed him to what he is today.

I reeled in pain and he; left the room, never once looking back at me. I guess I was wishing just for once that his conscience would kick in. Yeah right, who the hell am I bullshitting. Ha I obviously cause that never happened, and will never happen. As long as I am still to blame for his misery this cycle of torment will never end.

I realized that the handcuffs were still digging into my wrists and my hands still suspended above my head by my belt. That's when it clicked in my head that he just left me here to bleed out, and suffer in pain. After a while the pain seemed to dual somewhat but it was still there, which at this point my hands are starting to ache, and my arms feel sort of weird. That is when I noticed that the blood was starting to ooze out of the cloths. There was nothing I could do having my hands bounded. When I say that only reason why I'm scared of him is because he has a way of making me helpless, and lose hope it's the truth. That feeling was starting to set in as I felt a sting sensation from the cloths that seemed at their limit of absorbing the blood that was coming out of the wounds. This added to the pain made it very uncomfortable and I was already at my wit's end. The feeling was slowly creeping in, and that is what he enjoyed the most about doing this me. I think he enjoys it when I finally breakdown, and loose what I have left of my will power just to end up caving in to him.

He finally came in when it was quarter after six. He left me there for an hour I was starting to feel light-headed and very tired. Though this was normal, a normal feeling after he get done with the punishments. When he made it to my bed, I had seen that he had bandages and tape in his hands. All I got was them thrown at me, while he undid the belt and un-cuffed my hands from the handcuffs. I just rubbed my wrists as he barked at me again.

"Get those fixed up you hear! If anyone asks you cut yourself there do you understand! I never laid a hand on you ever you hear me ever! You best do your best and remember that understand! He looked at me with those eyes that said 'fuck with me and you will get it.'

"I will see your worthless ass to school with no excuses. If I find out you skipped there will be hell to pay." That was great, now I had to go, and if I didn't he would dish more of this out. I just sighed as he finished.

"Then I will see your ass at the distributors to load my truck after school. I do not care if you have to get a ride or walk I will see your ass there understand whore." He looked at me straight in the eyes and slapped me in the face. I just looked at him with a look that just begged him to stop. I swear I wanted to kill me at that time, but he had a way of dragging out that helpless look out of me.

"You know you would make a bad faggot you know, if that all you do is whine and give begging pleading looks. If you can't handle something a minor as that, there is no hope for you. Really what was I expecting a worthless pathetic excuse of a man to learn a new trick overnight. I guess we went a little too fast for you boy. I swear you make this harder than it needs to be. I do not know why you cannot learn these things the first time. You know what I don't get is why the government insists on calling you men at this age, because all I see are worthless excuses for men." I just listened to his insults, and took them all as he dished them out. I knew that he was right in a sense, and I believe I began to believe him years ago. How could I not believe him that is what he told me on a daily basis, and after a while I just started to believe him? I think he all but crushed my will to fight him back, because when I did the physical abuse and emotional abuse just got steadily worse. Topping this off in probably the worst way, I also being called a faggot and a dirty whore by him. Though he didn't directly call me dirty whore, but I read it in that letter he left me, which seemed like he didn't remember leaving it. Typical of him not to remember the details it seemed he only remembered the ones he wanted to remember.

It seemed that he didn't care if Yuzu or Karin were home. He just liked to humiliate me and now he was going to do it in front of my sisters. I heard a knock on the door, and in the process of that, he picked me up and threw me on the bed. He walked over and opened the door. At the door I saw a short figure, I couldn't tell who it was, but I knew it was one of my sisters. He just stood there looking at her with that sincere fatherly love look that he always gave her when he was almost caught beating on me. That look fucking disgusted me every time I seen it. I was a lie, and he just kept doing it. He's convinced that he has it hide from them. She just moved to the side and let him out of the room returning the confused look she always gave him. He reached and patted her on the head and walked out the room smiling at her. Oh right there I wanted to kill him again, but like I said I don't have the balls to back it up. He done took them away and now I stand a victim in this trap. Threats seemed like the only plausible thing to think of to hold on to what I had left of my life and freedom, at least he couldn't crush my dream world. That was the only thing that kept me wanting to live, besides my sisters that is.

She looked at me, with her look. She knew what he did, what's worse was she didn't even have to ask. She always knew but pretended she didn't. She rushed over to my side and grabbed the bandages out of my hands and moved the blood soaked cloths away. She looked at me with a sorry sad look and walked out of the room. I knew she's concerned, and I knew she finally got a glimpse of what he really was. I knew that she had ideas, but I figured that they were nothing compared to what this was. I just sighed, and looked at the wall still in horror. I became an expert on hiding this. I think I developed a mask to hide this, and my mask was nowhere found. The damn fear was plain as day on my face, and it wasn't going away soon.

After a while I heard the front door slam, that's when I knew he was leaving to spend what was left out that thousand Kan. First I knew that he was going to get booze, and then he would eventually make it to the gamble reservation. At least he would be gone for the day; even though I knew he would be back long enough to pick up his order from the distributors to haul it back to the reservation. When he went gambling was really the only time I got a break, he didn't bother me or care what I did when he was gone, only that I didn't end up in jail. Why would he want his money source in jail? That would ruin him financially, alcohol wise, and even on gambling. Trust me the thought has crossed my mind, but I knew if I did and they found out about him, that his many friends and him would find a way to have me killed.

When I finished my train of thought that is when Yuzu came back in the room with some white cloths and little bowl of water. She grabbed my shoulder and lightly pushed me back on the bed telling me I would be alright. Yeah right I thought nothing was going to be alright. And Was I really showing my fear plain as day, I couldn't tell, I was too tired to tell, all I knew was it was 6:20 and school was only forty minutes away. Yuzu dipped the cloth in the basin a then grabbed an alcohol swab out of her pocket of her nightgown. She gently whipped the blood away from the wound and then opened the alcohol pad. "Ichi-Nii please try to hold still." she said as she rolled up cloth and put in my mouth to bite. "Please try not to scream out to loud because Karin is still sleeping." She opened the cloth and placed on my wound and I bit down on the cloth as I tried so hard to muffle the groan of pain. It stung really bad, it hurt like hell, and it ached like fuck. Yuzu was trying her hardest not to push too hard as I groaned in pain. The wound was sore and I knew she was feeling really bad for having to do this. I can usually take pain, but was fighting when I did, the adrenaline kicked in and it seemed to not hurt as much. This, this was too much, and I knew I had to take it, I knew she was trying to help me and trying to dress it up to heal properly.

"Ichi-Nii you have to hold still while I put the gauze on." She said as she opened it and put some sort of disinfectant and some white cream. She then placed it on and tried to smooth it out and taped it there. I guess I was unknowingly moving, and she had to tell me again. This time I made sure I didn't move. "Ichi-Nii, this side done." She said as I moved and turned the other side towards her. She repeated the process on this side and gave me a worried look. "Ichi-Nii, I'm sorry, father shouldn't do this to you, but he is all we have, please Ichi-Nii if you have to run away please, I would rather have my brother alive than dead."

"Ichi-Nii I know you want to keep this all a secret, but it is all I can do to help you; at least at lease it will hide some of it." I look at her and bent down to kiss her on the forehead. I stood up and rubbed her head to ruffle up her hair, I knew she didn't like that but I couldn't help it. She was cute when she was sincerely worrying about me, it should be the other way around. My sisters shouldn't have to hide secrets about what our father does to me. It didn't seem right, and I knew again nothing could be done about it.

I can see that Aunt Shelly has taught Yuzu and Karin First aid. If that was the only thing she was good for other than being a personal babysitter. I was not going to say anything. "Thanks Yuzu. May I ask when you found out about father?" I looked at her and she look a little confused, I think she was messing with me so I would spill more than I wanted tp.

"You know about the abuse and the cuts" I asked.

"Oh that, I was trying to keep it a secret that you weren't to know that anyone else knew. Aunt Shelly told us that you were being hurt by daddy. She taught us how to treat just about any wound. Ichi-Nii that was deeper than a superficial wound please watch it don't hurt yourself more. I don't want Ichi-Nii in the hospital, I want Ichi-Nii to myself she pouted as she walked out of the bathroom and to her room. I watch as I told her that I would be ok. Hey I just used her line on her, and I was easy to use too. That line was strictly burnt in my vocabulary it was what I always told myself. But now I was starting to not believe it and that just made the saying more to hear and say. Getting myself to believe that was also a different story, I knew from this that my father was getting worse, I could smell the JD on his breath, it was fresher than the last time I smelled his breath. I finished getting ready for school as I noticed that it was 6:45. Shit I said out loud realizing that I almost yelled it, as I told myself that I had to run to school. It would probably cause my wounds to start bleeding again so I packed extra uniforms in my backpack and rushed out the door, stopping briefly to grabbing a couple of boxes of gauze to take with me. I was hoping that it would be enough to hide the wounds. Because if not I was going to have a lot of explaining to do and that is the last thing I wanted to do especially to the school counselor and principal. I didn't want have to explain by coming up with a lie to explain how odd wounds ended up there.

I finally made it out the door, and proceeded to run to school and I think I made it there in record time today, I think because I was already scared enough that I could probably run a mile regardless just to get away from him. When I got on school grounds I saw Orihime, Chad and Uyuru, they were waiting at the usual place. Again I just avoided them as I moved into the building unnoticed. I seemed to also develop this skill to sneak by undetected, but regardless I'm relieved that I slipped by. The last thing I need was them to know that my father was an abusive drunk, which was selling me out to play the bill, supply his alcohol, and giving him money to blow on gambling. What I really didn't want them to know was that he was using me to even out his debts out, or that he sold me for sex to the ones he owed the most to, or that he allowed Mr. Reeves to sell me as one of his services. Moreover that I didn't want them to know that I was emotionally on the verge of breaking, from his constant abuse and insults.

The very last thing I wanted was pity for the wounds he inflicted on my shoulders. That made me remember all over again what he did to me, and what he called me. Faggot it rang as nastily and icily in my head just like he had just said again. It just lingered in my head like an icy insult would, though it was true though I was a faggot. I was having sex with men more often than women. There might only be two women left on the clientage list filled with twenty-five or more men's signatures with at least 750 Kan or more beside their names of how much they paid for the services that I was forced to give to them. I pulled myself together as I reached for the door and entered the school trying to make my way to my locker.

~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~

At School

I walked to my locker and dial in the combination; turning the tumbler to the correct digits unit I can click it open. When I opened my locker I was then confronted by a tall red-haired man who has his hair tied back in an open spread above his head, and a black-haired woman. Renji and Rukia were the two that grabbed me. I knew it was them just by the color of hair, and that they were the only two to have the balls to pull a fast one on me. They proceeded to grab me by the arms and drag me down the hall to the nearest empty room and threw me in there. It was no fun being dragged down the hall by a man who is taller and somewhat stronger than me, and a woman who by far I could have wrestled out of only if hadn't been for him. It also didn't help that he had the upper hand which prevented any means of escaping their grasp.

When they threw me in there I saw everyone there, my heart immediately started making leaps out of my chest. I didn't know how to react, I mean these where the very people I was trying to avoid, trying to hide my secret from, and now I was dangerous close to being discovered. To make matters worse Renji, he's the red-haired one, forced me into the desk and sat in the next one in front of me. Renji was the one that I defeated in the Soul Society to save Rukia from her execution, which later he decided to help in the effort to save her. Rukia I meet when my sisters were being attack by hollow, she the reason I'm what they call a substitute Soul Reaper, which I choose to do to save my family. I guess you can say that with in the short time he and she became my friends.

"I don't know what was so hard about getting him here." I heard Renji say as he gave all three of them a frown and a glare. Yeah what was so hard about sneaking up and grabbing somewhat by surprise? I thought. Though when he said that and glared at them like that I wanted to punch him, not for the fact that he was being cocky about it, for the fact that he looked so damn proud of himself. I just glared at him.

"Well Renji, we just don't grab people and throw them into rooms against their wills! Some of us have moral values and respect others space you know." I heard Uyuru tell Renji with a look of anger and displease.

"Yeah whatever you say." I heard Renji rebuttal back at him. I looked at Renji as he said that he had a nasty matter of fact look on his face, it was disgusting to even think he had no regards for me or what I was feeling now. To think that he had the audacity to even drag me in here? Why is he such an ass-whole all the time? I did not enjoy this at all, there was a plan formed here, and it seemed as if it revolved around me.

This in a sense pissed me off; all I was trying to save myself future hassle and beatings. If my dad ever found out I had friends he would use it against me, and that is not what I wanted. It was bad enough he was hitting my self-esteem, I did not need him telling how much of a failure I was to them. When Renji finished his argument with Uruyu about how society has rules against what he did to me, which is when I got the most evil bitch stare from Rukia. This look is a look that you got when she didn't want you to defy her. It was a look I got accustomed to while I was in the Soul Society, and guess what It doesn't affect me like it used to. She always uses that look to get what she wants, but today I was not giving in to it. No I was going to resist and try to get out of there as fast as I can. After to all I have my ass to save and them finding out my secret was not on the list today of shit I wanted to deal with.

"Ichigo you mind explaining to us, especially these three why you have avoided us these last three months." She said this with venom in her voice. She made it sound totally worse than what the reality was, but I knew that is how Rukia operates especially when she lays the guilt trip on you. This is exactly one of those moments when she was trying to make you feel guilty about not staying in contact. The fact was I also sensed anger in her voice, I suppose it also upset her that she was no longer updated on my life as well. I wanted to answer them, I really did, but the consequences outweighed them as a group and so I decided that I would try to break away from them, go about my life alone.

"None of your damn business Rukia, I want you to just leave me the fuck alone. In fact I want all of you to leave me alone, just forget I even exist." I spat it out at them with all the venom I could muster up. I wanted it sound like I didn't care anymore, but the truth was I did. Why else would I have risked my life to save her? I tried to make my eyes resemble what my mouth had said; I was hard to look like that. I watch Orihemi turn around to not look at me, and I noticed that chad just shaking his head. Uruyu was busy trying to calm her down, and Rukia just gave me a wide-eyed look. I knew she wanted to say something, but I think shock overcame her that instant and prevented her from saying something. I was not ready for what Renji did to next.

He punched me and made land out of the desk and on the floor. His face was red with anger and frustration, as he picked me back up and again forced me into the desk. My sinister tough guy look disappeared replaced with fear and regret. I watched as he as he sat back down and I just looked at him.

I never notice how hot he looked. It must been because of how close it was sitting to him, and I never actually noticed the tattoos until now as it just added to the rest of him. I mean I saw the ones on his face it just never really noticed the ones that were on his shoulders and chest. I was never actually really this close to him either, and suddenly I found myself for some reason wanting to know just how far the tattoos went down his body. What am I saying there is no way in hell he looked hot, I do not even like men in that way. I am just forced to have sex with them for money, money that I do not even see. Just then the word faggot echoed in my mind, and I was just as icy as it was when my father said it.

I noticed that Renji was sort of eyeing my collar-bone area, and I remembered the wounds that were there. I wondered if he could actually he them? But I told myself no, he was in a giggi, he doesn't have all his Soul Reaper abilities when he in one. Next I noticed was that he grabbed my shirt and ripped it. I let out an angry grow as I saw the look of angry Renji turn to a look of surprised Renji. This look of surprise did not suit him. In fact the look quickly changed into that of an apology. I grabbed the shirt fearing that I just fucked up, and he just grabbed me. I was a hard grab but his time I wrestled him off me, only to lose to him because the pain of the wounds got the better of me. I whined at the pain and he just let go. I was more shocked than upset. When he grabbed me like that I just saw my father and that knife he used to cut me. It made the wounds sting all over again, and I just got up and rushed out the door. I know he seen the look of fear on my face, and I believe that is why he let go.

A/N: If you want to keep up on what is happening with this story or any others, visit my profile page and read the news section.

I also want to say thank you to all of those who Read, Reviewed, Followed, or Favorite. Oh and let's not forget get the one who did one or more, or the ones that did all four. Thank you so much you are what keeps this going LDX. :)
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Tortured Soul