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Underneath It All	By : Raceysama Category: Bleach > Yaoi - Male/Male > Grimmjow/Ichigo Views: 4160 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 2
Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach, any of the songs mentioned are not my own, nor do I make any profit from these works......

Chapter List
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- 3
- 4
CHAPTER 3: FRIENDS NO MORE
Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach...
Onwards...
XOXOXOXO
Karakura General Hospital
October 2007
Ichigo woke with a start, covered in sweat and still slightly shaking. It was that damned dream again. Fate felt that it wasn't bad enough that he would never forget that day for as long as he lived, no, so it kept revisiting him in the form of a hellish nightmare, providing him absolutely no escape.
He slowly turned his head to the right to see the sun shining through the window into the already overly bright hospital room. How long had he been sleeping? He remembered scolding Shinji and drifting back off, but other than that, nothing.
Turning to his left, he caught a glimpse of bright blond hair and cracked a grin, noticing his lips didn't hurt as badly as they had before. Shinji sat dozing in a large faux leather seat placed at his bedside and Ichigo wondered if he'd been there all night.
Splashes of bright colors on the small table next to the chair Shinji occupied, grabbed his attention, making him focus on the flower arrangements placed there. Flowers? He had flowers?
Before he could delve too deeply into his speculations, Shinji stirred, yawning loudly and stretching. Ichigo again grinned as he watched his friend. The slim blond was so dramatic. Shinji's gaze was drawn to Ichigo's and he gasped loudly before almost flinging himself onto the orange-haired youth.
"Shin," Ichigo growled under his breath. He wasn't going to let Shinji hinder his healing process by trying to smother him.
"I'm sorry, Ichi, I was just so worried. I'm glad you're awake now. You've been out for almost a week!"
Ichigo felt his eyes widen incredulously. A week? No way! Wouldn't he have noticed or something? He couldn't believe he'd been unconscious for nearly a week. Stupid fuckin' Renji and Rukia.
"A week?" He asked softly, if only just to make sure he'd heard correctly. Shinji nodded and scooted forward in his seat.
"Yeah, it was pretty bad this time. Sooo...ya gonna tell me what the hell happened?" Ichigo scoffed indignantly.
"Shin, the fuck does it look like?"
"You know what I mean, Ichigo," Shinji stated sternly. "How did they find you? I thought you were telling everyone you were goin' to a private university?"
"I did, but people recognized me. It's not like I'm very hard to point out in the first place."
"That red-haired fuck. He'd better be glad I wasn't there!"
"There were too many of them this time, Shin. Way too many. It was like they were really gonna kill me," Ichigo spoke quietly.
"AH! Until you were saved by your knight in shining armor," Shinji giggled and waggled his eyebrows.
Ichigo's eyes widened as he remembered. So, he hadn't been dreaming that part then? Grimmjow had really helped him. A deep blush lit his face as the image of the man's concerned blue eyes flooded his mind. Shit, he thought he'd schooled himself to quit thinking like that about the blue-haired man since it was painfully obvious that nothing was going to happen between the two. Grimmjow was straight, and that was that.
He grimaced and tried to sit up, but noticed with horror that his left arm was in a sling. Shinji rushed to help him, clucking like a mother hen the entire time, but Ichigo's mind was elsewhere. How could someone that used to be so close to him, hate him enough to almost kill him?
XOXOXOXO
First Year
Karakura High School
November 2004
An icy wind whipped through his hair, tousling the bright orange locks, and his breath created little puffy white clouds. He rubbed his gloved hands together vigorously. Shit, it was cold! Ichigo wasn't a big fan of the cold, although he did love snow. He loved the way it smelled right before it slowly began to fall, blanketing its surroundings with a coat of calm and quiet. He loved walking through it and hearing the crunching noise it made underfoot; and lastly, he loved secretly making snow angels. He would sneak and do it when he thought no one was watching because they reminded him of his mother. Ichigo remembered making them all the time with her before she died.
He looked around cautiously before taking off his backpack and lowering himself to the snow covered ground with a wide grin. He was in the park about a block or two from his home, because this little spot beneath a large cherry blossom tree had been calling to him as he passed by. He couldn't just ignore it.
So, there he lay, eyes closed and arms and legs spread wide, forming short arcs to create the image of an angel, when a familiar voice startled him.
"Looks fun. Mind if I join ya?"
Ichigo opened his eyes to see Renji standing over him wearing a lop-sided grin. He shrugged and watched as the red-haired boy lowered himself to the ground, but once he settled in the snow, he didn't move. Ichigo frowned nervously. What was he doing?
"Ichigo, how come you're always with that blond guy?" He asked softly, his words disappearing into the thick quiet of the steadily descending snow.
"He's my friend," Ichigo shrugged nonchalantly.
"But you do know he's a queer, right?"
The question had been simple and asked without malice, despite the offending word, but it still managed to make Ichigo pale and a feeling of dread descend in his gut. He peeked at Renji from the corner of his eye to see the red-haired youth with his face turned, watching him intently.
"Yes," was all he said, in order to gauge the other's reaction. Renji frowned slightly.
"That doesn't bother you? Ichigo, you're not..."
The hesitant pause was enough to tell Ichigo everything he needed to know. He had been debating on telling his friends about his newly discovered sexual preference for a couple of months, after Shinji so eloquently pounded the denial out of him. Now, looking into the mildly disgusted face of his friend, he wasn't so sure.
"No," his voice was barely a whisper, but Renji still heard him and smiled brightly.
"Good! I was kinda worried that you were turnin' into one of them..."
Ichigo tuned the rest of his words out as guilt and contempt towards himself turned his stomach inside out. He shouldn't have lied! Yet, he couldn't bear to see the look Renji was sure to give him had he told him the truth. His day now ruined, Ichigo stood and gathered his discarded backpack, then mumbled an excuse to Renji before taking his leave.
Why did Renji feel that way about someone being gay? It wasn't a fuckin' crime, it was just a way of life. Ichigo stomped into his home, ignoring his family's greetings as he trudged up to his room. What the fuck was he gonna do now?
XOXOXOXO
First Year
Karakura High School
December 2004
Christmas Eve
When he was younger, he had adored Christmas and all the fluffy crap that came with it, but this year it was fuckin' torture. Where should he start? Well, the beginning sounds as good a place as any.
Ichigo had awakened that morning with a bad feeling settling in the pit of his stomach, that only intensified when his old man burst through his bedroom door singing Christmas carols and wearing a Santa suit. Dear god, why him?
After kicking goat-face out-literally-he made his way to the bathroom, where he showered and brushed his teeth in an almost zombie-like fashion. He lacked the enthusiasm that his family obviously had in spades on this day.
Ichigo exchanged gifts with his family and only had time to go to his room and get dressed, before his friends started pouring into his home bearing gifts. That wasn't the bad part though. The bad part was, it seemed like EVERYONE had someone special to be with this year. Even Shinji, which only made things worse in his opinion.
He and his friends also exchanged gifts, no one noticing his melancholy mood, as his father flitted around serving the chicken dinner Yuzu had prepared, still wearing that ridiculous Santa suit.
Inoue could be seen huddled close to Ishida, sharing secret smiles and brief touches. The same for Chad and Tatsuki, which he hadn't even seen coming, by the way. Even Rukia and Renji were paired off and being extra friendly with each other. What burned the most and left the sour taste of jealousy clinging to the back of his throat, was Shinji situated in the corner of the living room next to an extremely handsome brown-haired guy with sleepy gray eyes. They could be seen exchanging perverted glances and quick kisses.
Surprisingly, Renji was too preoccupied with Rukia to give Shinji his customary nasty looks, although, that could also be attributed to the presence of the brown-haired man, whose name was Stark. Renji never even glanced at Shinji when he was around.
So, there Ichigo sat, wading in a pool of misery as his friends surrounded him, sharing this day with someone special to them. By the time everyone decided to go, he was almost choking on the emotions bubbling up his throat. He had to get out of the house. It was snowing again, so maybe a walk would calm his frazzled nerves.
He slipped into his coat and boots, pulled on a hat and his gloves, then set off. It wasn't dark yet, although it was on its way there, so he decided to go to the park close to his home, that way he wouldn't have far to walk to get back.
Ichigo ambled over to the deserted swing set and after dusting the snow from one, eased onto it and slowly swung back and forth, dragging his toes in the snow on the ground. Fuck, this sucked monstrous balls. Even though he had his family, he'd never felt more alone in his life, and after lying to Renji, it wasn't like he could find someone to be with. He would never be able to keep it a secret. He ran a gloved hand over his face, thinking things couldn't get any worse. Yeah, but then fate decided to laugh in his face. While poking him in the nose.
He heard voices coming down the small path that led to the park's entrance. A guy and a girl it sounded like. Ichigo scoffed. Another loving couple on Christmas Eve then. He decided to just ignore them, opting to continue swinging morosely, until he happened to glance up and see blue hair shining under the light that had just flickered to life, as the sun was now setting.
He swallowed thickly. Oh, god, not him too! He watched as the couple turned out to be Grimmjow and a pretty blonde girl with clear green eyes. They were holding hands and talking quietly as they meandered down the path. Then they stopped, and Ichigo's heart was mashed out like the butt of a cigarette, as he watched his crush kiss the girl. The kiss became heated, and even though he wanted to, he couldn't move. He was completely rooted to the spot, face flushed and nose starting to run. He sat wishing like hell that it was him in those strong arms, and not that blonde girl. When he felt the ominous sting of tears in his eyes, he scowled darkly and shoved away from the swing, startling the poor couple.
He was fuckin' ashamed of himself. He knew Grimmjow was straight. Shinji had told him so once he'd found out about Ichigo's crush. That didn't stop the stifling disappointment he felt, though. It swelled and ached in ways he just didn't understand and as a result, only served to piss him off. Why did he have to like a guy that was straight, so much so, that it physically hurt sometimes?
Fuck, he couldn't escape it. First his friends, then his crush. It seemed like Ichigo was slowly going insane or slowly falling apart and no one was there to help ease the pain of it all. He re-entered his home, kicked off his boots and stripped out of his winterwear, ignoring his family's greetings again, and dragged himself up to his room, where he collapsed onto the bed fully clothed. There he lay until he fell asleep, completely hating his life.
XOXOXOXO
Second Year
Karakura High School
June 2005
And then things just seemed to go all downhill from there. Ichigo finally couldn't take the loneliness, and started secretly seeing a guy named Asano Keigo. They pretended to just be friends in public, but behind closed doors, they kissed and groped each other, until finally, Asano had insisted they give each other their virginities. Ichigo hadn't minded at all.
It had been awkward since they really had no clue what the hell they were doing, and mostly running on pure instinct, but after the first time, it got better. He loved hearing the little squeals and not so little moans Asano made when Ichigo was buried inside of him. He never imagined sex being that good.
Then, the shit hit the fan, of course. He and Asano had been at his house while his old man and sisters were out shopping, and Asano was using that time to give him an incredible blow job. He was kneeling on the floor between Ichigo's legs, while Ichigo sat on the bed leaning back on his hands.
He didn't even hear his bedroom door open. He just heard the strangled noise Renji made as he stood staring, eyes wide with disbelief. Ichigo knocked Asano out of his lap and jumped to his feet, trying desperately to fix his pants as Renji fled. Shit! He had to catch him and explain!
He chased Renji for three blocks, feet clad only in a pair of socks, before he finally caught up to him, but when he did and placed his hand on the red-haired boy's shoulder, he was shoved roughly against an alley wall. Renji had his hands fisted in Ichigo's shirt collar, pressing him against the wall as he snarled in his face.
"Don't fuckin' touch me! You lied to me!" he yelled, his russett eyes wild and livid.
"Renji, I'm sorry I lied, but you didn't exactly make me wanna tell you the truth!" Ichigo yelled back. Renji's grip only tightened and his snarl deepened.
"About what, hmm? You bein' a fuckin' faggot?" Ichigo was held speechless by the force of Renji's anger. He didn't understand why Renji hated gay people so much.
"I thought we were friends," he uttered, his expression clearly relaying his puzzlement. Renji abruptly released him and stepped back, causing him to sag against the wall from the suddenness of being let go.
"We're not friends anymore, Ichigo. I hate queers, and since you wanna be one...I hate you," Renji stated with deadly clarity.
Ichigo's bottom lip trembled before he bared his teeth in a furious snarl. Motherfucker. How could he say that so easily? Had he never really cared about him? Ichigo balled up his right fist and threw it forward, crushing Renji's nose. As the taller boy crumpled to the ground holding the bleeding appendage, Ichigo turned on his heel and made his way back home. He didn't even notice the tears tracking down his face, as he went to his room and asked Asano to leave.
XOXOXOXO
Karakura General Hospital
October 2007
Ichigo grit his teeth against the painful memory. He still was just as clueless now as he was then, as to the reason for Renji's violent rejection. That didn't make it hurt any less, though. Before Shinji had come along, Renji had been his best friend, almost like a brother.
Shaking his head, Ichigo leaned against the pillows Shinji had propped up for his use, and tried to dispel the unwanted images from his mind. Suddenly, loud squealing sounded from the doorway.
"Kurosaki-kun! You're awake!" Inoue exclaimed.
"It's about time, Ichigo," Ishida dryly commented, as he adjusted his glasses with a small smirk.
"Ichigo," Chad nodded.
Ichigo smiled warmly at his friends. His real friends. He didn't need to dwell on the loss of just one, but even as he thought that, his stomach clenched painfully, mocking him. He still missed his old best friend.
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Underneath It All