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Romance and Rivalries	By : Kinnikuman Category: Bleach > AU - Alternate Universe Views: 2658 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: Neither author owns or holds any rights to "Bleach". No profit is made from this fanfiction.

Chapter List
- 26
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Chapter Twenty-Seven
By Robin
Kaname closed the book on his lap and gave a soft sigh.
It seemed that sometimes being a father was a much harder profession that he had once believed it to be. He had always had an idealised vision of what being a parent meant, and – like so many adults – he had pictured himself as the most reasonable, rational child that had ever been born. His own parents had made things seem so easy, always knowing exactly how to treat him, discipline him and praise him, and his friends had always treated their own children with that same sense of ‘knowing’, and the love they had for their charges seemed almost infinite. They seemed to instinctively know when their children were faking tears, when they wanted a hug, or when they needed to be left alone. They seemed to make parenting seem easy. There was never a moment where they appeared to doubt themselves, and with each question their children posed them they could react immediately and appropriately each and every time. There was rarely an ‘um’ or an ‘err’, there was hardly a moment where they weren’t sure how to react, and they always seemed to know just what to do in ever circumstance. Even that brute Zaraki had managed to raise an intelligent and adorable daughter, even if she was somewhat hyperactive, and Aizen had made his influence on Gin’s life seem so easy. Even now Aizen seemed to instinctively know what it was Gin needed and seemed forever able to deliver it to him.
No one had told him, however, that their cool facades, instinctual abilities and infinite patience had all been an act . . . Parents merely acted a role, pretending to fully understand what it was their children needed most, and they were so good at the act that the children and childless adults never suspected. In fact each time Kaname made a choice regarding Wonderweiss he rarely felt confident. He always felt a keen sense of fear, even if he never showed it, wondering if what he was doing was truly for the best and what affect his choices would have on his son.
No one had warned him that he would not always know what to do, that he would never have a guarantee that his choices would work out right, or even that his patience would sometimes wear incredibly thin. No one had told him that they’d be moments he’d mess up and that it was okay to mess up, that it was natural, and that half the time the child wouldn’t realise you’d screwed up anyways, because to the child you would always be right. Perhaps that was the root of his fear. He feared he may set a bad influence, he feared he may be a bad role model, and most of all he feared of being inconsistent and failing to set rules. No one had warned him of these things. The first night he had felt himself gritting his teeth at three a.m., unable to soothe a crying Wonderweiss, wishing that it were legal to simply drug the child or smother him into unconsciousness, he had been appalled at himself. He had felt sick to his stomach, wondering where his sense of justice had gone, until a quiet moment with Kuchiki-san and Unohana-san had eased his concerns. Kuchiki had confessed to the same feeling quite often, reassuring him that the very fact he hid his emotions and had the patience to still be there for his son was the sign of a good parent, meanwhile Unohana implied that it was very easy to put sleeping medicine into milk . . . and at that moment Kaname and Byakuya – having met Nemu’s father also – understood a lot more about the girl and her current issues.
So it was that – despite being eleven in the evening – that Tousen did not feel as frustrated, as many inexperienced parents often were, at having to deal with a child unable to sleep. There was a slight stab of bitterness in his chest, and he would admit to feeling rather on edge, but after all these years he had came to realise that this did not mean he did not love his son, but rather he loved his son unconditionally, despite these things. It was this feeling of love that gave him the patience to simply sit without emotion, patiently and calmly, as he tried to rationalise what the best way to go about this was.
Wonderweiss had struggled with sleeping since he was a toddler. When a distant relative of Sajin’s had passed away guardianship of Wonderweiss went straight to Sajin, who was slightly overwhelmed at abruptly being given a toddler to deal with, but that had been eight years ago now and Wonderweiss was eleven. They had expected their son to grow out of his mild insomnia, but as time passed he still had trouble sleeping at night and waking early each morning.
It was a blessing really that the young boy had came to such caring parents. Kaname and Sajin had adapted very well to Wonderweiss’ needs, and instead of trying to change the boy or change their own routines to suit him – as many would have – they had taught him to cope instead. They had both agreed it would be unethical to try and change Wonderweiss, to try and make him adapt to society’s standards, and likewise if they changed their own routines to suit him then the boy would fail to learn how to cope in society. It had taken time and more patience than they had imagined, but they had managed to teach Wonderweiss the coping mechanisms he needed to deal with his disorder. They knew he would never be ‘cured’, but they did not want him ‘cured’ because they loved him for who he was, and it was his differences that made him unique and human. They did, however, hold out hope that in a few more years he would be able to be a fully functional member of society, for his improvement had shown that he was capable of this and already he was very nearly the same as many other boys his age.
It was clear that Wonderweiss was still awake and alert. Kaname could hear his slightly heavy breathing, the pace suggesting he was still quite conscious, and occasionally there would be the soft sound of his blanket rustling against his clothing as the boy fidgeted and moved. Kaname smiled and reached out to touch his son’s arm, but the boy merely flinched at the touch and moaned, before pulling away with the clear sound of blankets being pulled up before his moaning became muffled, the child hiding underneath them. He was tired, and perhaps still somewhat upset, because recently physical contact had not been so much of a problem, but no doubt by morning he would be content enough to allow Kaname to hug him.
Kaname smiled and stood up slowly. He placed the book on a shelf behind him, one that was exclusively for Braille books so that it would not be hard for him each bedtime to find a book he was able to read. Admittedly Wonderweiss’ favourite book recently was Momotaro and Kaname had read the book so often he knew it by word, but Wonderweiss enjoyed running his fingers over the Braille and learning with Kaname how to read in the same way as his father . . . it was hard to imagine when a talent such as reading Braille would ever be useful to a child with sight, but it certainly would not hurt him to learn something new.
“I am going to bed now, Wonderweiss,” Kaname said softly with a gentle smile. “If you do not feel tired you do not have to sleep, but you must stay in your room. You can watch television providing the sound is not loud enough to disturb anyone, and you may read or play games too, providing that you are quiet.”
They’d learnt long ago that it was best to allow the small boy to tire himself out rather than needlessly fight him and try and force him to sleep. To Kaname’s knowledge Zaraki had taken the same approach with his own daughter, knowing that it did more damage to fight a child on something rather trivial in the scheme of things, and better to merely allow the child to cope in their own individual ways instead. The only difference was that Kaname doubted Zaraki had to give such detailed instructions to Yachiru, however he knew that if he did not there would be errors later on. An example was once when Wonderweiss had been six or seven, Kaname had told him not to leave his room at all during the night, the young boy had of course obeyed but as a result had unfortunately wet the bed . . . and so Kaname had learnt to specify that it was okay to leave the room in that circumstance.
“If you need to use the bathroom you can do so,” Kaname added, “and if you have a nightmare then you may wake myself or Sajin.”
He was somewhat tempted to add on to the list that he was not to wake Hisagi-kun up in the morning again if the man overslept, or that he was allowed to go downstairs for water, but he was not allowed to play with Goro – Komamura’s dog – but refrained from it. He knew that too much information would only confuse Wonderweiss. Instead he reached downward to the bed and placed his hand on the soft bundle of blankets that his son was hiding under. The material was soft and light, and Kaname could feel his son’s spine underneath his index finger, indicating that he was indeed patting the boy’s back. He smiled tiredly and turned to leave, careful to reach forward and move his wooden chair slightly so as not to trip on his way out, for it wouldn’t do to disturb anyone more than necessary.
It made him jump when he stood back up, having moved the item in question, only to feel a small person diving at him from behind and wrapping their arms around his waist. He had barely time to register the sound of blankets moving before Wonderweiss had literally dived upon him, gripping him tightly, his heart was still pounding with an adrenaline rush of fear when he reached down and placed his hands over his son’s. The boy’s skin felt so warm and soft to his touch, and it was reassuring to know that he was so healthy and happy, even if he probably would not fall asleep until the wee hours of the morning.
The boy let out a low, moaning sound and nuzzled against Kaname’s back, before letting out a small but audible declaration of: “Love you.”
Kaname smiled warmly. It was moments like these where he realised the true joys of being a parent, knowing that there was nothing that could make his son any more perfect than he already was. He gently unhooked the boy’s arms away from his waist and turned around, before he bent down on one knee and hugged the boy tightly to him, catching a faint scent of apple shampoo that his son liked so much.
“I love you too, Wonderweiss, but now it is time for bed.”
“Okay.”
Kaname stood up and allowed his hand to trail from Wonderweiss’ back up onto his head, where he ruffled the boy’s hair lightly. The boy then pulled away and Kaname could hear soft footsteps across the carpeted floor, faint but still there, before a slight almost hissing sound came as soft sheets were pulled a little off the mattress as Wonderweiss climbed into bed. Kaname waited a few seconds until he heard what sounded like blankets being pulled up, and a slither as what was presumably a book slid across the bedside table from beside his son’s bed. There came a little thump noise as whatever had been lifted landed on the bed, and then Wonderweiss let out a little sound of awe and there came a sound of pages being turned. There was no need to turn on the lights, for he was willing to hazard a guess that the book would be in Braille, and besides that too much light would be a distraction from healthy sleeping.
He carefully walked his way outside into the hallway, pulling the door closed behind him, but making sure to leave it open a few inches. Sajin would have left the hall light on for their son, and the little bit of light always reassured him, even if Kaname was unable to see it he knew it would be there. It was in a sense ‘blind faith’, but he believed in his husband enough to trust that he would have remembered to leave the light on. He smiled to himself as his hand left the handle of the door. The door handle had been warm to the touch, and he could faintly hear their bedroom door clicking closed. He wondered if a man with sight would have picked up both those subtle hints that someone had been eavesdropping at the door, but then decided that it didn’t matter, it was enough to know Sajin had been there to share in his moment.
It took sixteen paces to reach their bedroom, although he slowed down upon the last few steps knowing that the bedroom door was close to the staircase. It was for convenience that they had chosen this spot for their room, it had meant that should Goro cry or bark downstairs they would be able to hear the dog, and should Wonderweiss go downstairs in the night they would hear him too.
At that moment all was quiet. The bathroom opposite the bedroom door was letting out a hot, moist steam and when Kaname touched the bedroom door handle it felt wet to the touch, signalling that someone had just exited the bathroom and not long entered the bedroom. It seemed then that Sajin had been to check on Wonderweiss after he had finished his shower, and after hearing Kaname saying goodnight to their son had retired to bed. It was oddly reassuring to know how protective his husband was, how much he adored his family that he felt a constant need to check upon them, and Kaname felt grateful for this trait, knowing that his past partners had not cared about him in the same way, certainly not enough to check upon him.
Downstairs there was the noise of Goro walking backwards and forth on the tiled floor of the kitchen, down the hallway he could hear Wonderweiss fidgeting as he sat in bed reading, and from the room opposite his son’s he could hear faint music from Hisagi’s room. It was nice somewhat to come home to an average sized home, full of the sounds of life, filled with a family. He could never understand how Aizen-sama enjoyed such a large but lifeless home, each night Tousen spent there he had always felt a part of his soul slipping away, but this was home.
“Is something the matter, Kaname?”
Kaname jerked his head upwards at the sound of his partner’s voice. It was strange, but throughout all the years he could remember, only Sajin had ever been to take him off guard and surprise him in such a manner. He had never been able to sense the man’s presence. When Sajin wanted to be he could still his breathing, move not one muscle, and he never wore strong scents or went too long without a shower, and so without sight he became nothing more than a ghost, a being with intelligence and soul but without a visible sign of existence. It was something he should have grown used to, but even after all these years it still took him by surprise.
His lover’s voice was somewhat muffled, coming from a familiar distance on the other side of the door, and from the direction he was somewhat lower than Kaname was on this side of the door. Could it be that the other man had retired to bed already?
“I am sorry,” he said softly, as he gently opened the bedroom door and then closed it behind him as he entered. “I was lost in thought. I did not sense that you were in bed, I am sorry if I disturbed you at all, Sajin.”
“Not at all, Kaname. I was actually waiting for you to return.”
“You were?”
He listened to the sounds of the room. There was little to tell him that anything was different about his surroundings, the only sound that was audible was the faint ticking of a clock that stood upon a windowsill, and in the distance the sound of cars driving down the residential streets. There was, however, a distinct scent of incense in the air, very subtle but quite noticeable, and it was drifting over from the direction of a bedside table. It was quite an alluring aroma, something unique with a hint of jasmine, and it was highly enjoyable and helped Kaname to relax somewhat. It had not been an easy evening to say the very least, and it was only now that he was in the sanctuary of his bedroom that he realised just how stressed he had been.
The party had been enjoyable for the most part, but Gin had – as usual – been somewhat of a nightmare. He had a cruel, sadistic sense of humour at the best of times, but with his recent troubles he had found his mean-spirited nature heightened, taking a ridiculous enjoyment out of everyone else’s misfortunes. He had invited Shinji, much to Aizen’s horror, in the hopes of irritating his father figure, and been quite annoyed when his plan backfired, and he had purposely caused tensions between Kurotsuchi and his daughter in hopes of distracting Unohana-sensei from his weight problems. After the meal some of the guests had stayed for drinks, despite Aizen’s sudden disappearance with Hirako-san, but Wonderweiss had grown tired and so Kaname had taken the boy to his room in Aizen’s residence to try and give him a quiet moment to calm down. It perhaps would have worked, but Gin – being Gin – had followed to see what he was up to, and as he entered Wonderweiss had reached out to stop Gin, trying in his own innocent way to protect his father from the man he strongly disliked. Gin had then called Wonderweiss creepy, and Kaname had defended his son by stating it was natural for pure beings to dislike the impure ones, and saying that any normal person would be leery of Gin. They then returned to the lounge where the rest of the guests had already gone, and Kaname had gone home with his family.
Unfortunately the damage had already been done . . . Wonderweiss had been upset at being called ‘creepy’, and even though they had tried to reassure him that Gin considered everyone ‘creepy’ including Kurosaki-kun, the young boy could not understand this reasoning and took the insult to heart. Kaname was sure that the reason Wonderweiss was struggling to sleep stemmed from Gin’s offhand insult, the younger boy was prone to replaying things in his mind, prone to fixating on things that upset him. It frustrated him, but there was little to be done about it now. Sajin and himself would have to repair the damage slowly over the next few days.
“Yes, I saw you were uncomfortable at the party. You were worried about Gin, about Hisagi, and for our son. That is a lot of stress for one man to bear, and I wondered if perhaps you wanted to discuss matters, so that I may help you bear that load.”
Kaname kept his face impassive, except for a subtle hint of a sad smile upon his lips. Whilst he was grateful for his husband to be so loving and supportive it felt wrong to trouble him with trivial worries, and he could not bear to share his troubles with his lover, the guilt would eat away at him if he did. Sajin had troubles of his own, issues from his own past, and it would not be right to burden the man further with unnecessary things.
He walked slowly over to the dresser and began to undress down to his underwear, carefully folding each item of clothing as he went and placing it on top of the dresser. He couldn’t hear anything from Sajin, who had infinite patience and was perhaps merely waiting for his husband to respond to him, it was possible he was watching Kaname but that did not feel to be the case. It was almost like something was in the air, a feeling of tension and unspoken words, and although his husband no doubt enjoyed his body he was not watching him tonight, but waiting for him, waiting for him to open his heart and tell him of his troubles. He lowered his head with a sad expression, his lips pulling in a sorrowful smile that faded into a frown, his hands finding purchase on the corner of his shirt, he was distracting himself by smoothing the soft silk and the action in itself was meaningless. Sajin was still expecting an answer, even if he gave no audible indication of this.
In slow movements Kaname gracefully walked to the bed and lifted the covers upon the corner, he climbed in and felt against his leg Sajin’s bare one, his skin was almost hot against his own and the coarse hairs that covered him scratched familiarly against him. It seemed that his husband had gone to bed without wearing any nightclothes, which was unusual considering that both Wonderweiss and Hisagi were home, usually wearing nothing was a nuisance to Sajin who disliked having to redress each time he needed to use the bathroom or open a window.
The soft sheets beneath him were cool against his body, and the covers on him were somewhat heavy and the thick padding was sure to protect him against the cold night. He attempted to ignore Sajin, hoping that the room was dark and that his lover could not see or analyse his expression, and instead lay down upon his back, his head hitting the large, soft feather pillows and automatically relaxing into them. He removed his opaque glasses and placed them beside him on a beside table, noting how they hit a solid object that made a scraping noise as it moved, and how the scent of incense became just a little heavier. When he rolled back onto his back Sajin moved so that he was on his side, facing Kaname, and placed his right hand on Tousen’s left side so that he was poised over the top of his lover, looking down upon him. The dip in the bed made the blind man sink slightly, but instead of feeling vulnerable he felt safe, protected, because he knew that Sajin would never harm him.
He reached up and touched Sajin’s face gently with his hand, and his lover nuzzled into him, enjoying the soft caress. Kaname smiled, unsure if whether Sajin would see his smile or not, then withdrew his hand, sliding it down Sajin’s neck then along his arm, so that his own elbow rested upon the bed and he was able to hold onto his lover’s arm, anchoring himself in reality.
“Kaname,” Sajin whispered, “I hope you know that you will always be my friend, as well as my lover. I once swore that if something sad happened in your life, I would be there for you. If something happy happened in my life, I would share it with you. If you strayed from the path of justice, I would admonish you. If you committed an error, I would forgive you. If you found yourself in a predicament, I would provide a foundation on which you could stand. All in order to make the man that had lost his love for the world be able to love the world once more.”
He leant down and placed a soft chaste kiss on his lover’s mouth, their lips parting for a brief second making it all the more sensual and romantic. Kaname sighed as they parted and licked his lips, the taste of his lover lingering upon them . . .
“Don’t deny me a place by your side, Kaname,” he continued. “If you need me, you only need to say.”
“I need you, Sajin.”
Kaname lifted his arms slowly. His hands traced over the solid muscles of his lover, feeling each twitch and quiver in them – no matter how subtle – as his fingers ghosted over bare flesh, combing through thick hair and enjoying the touch.
He always adored Sajin’s body, it was so unique and so masculine, and he was always able to ‘see’ his lover through his sense of touch in a way much clearer than any of his past lovers. He knew that the man worked out regularly, that he was quite hairy but not excessively so in Kaname’s opinion, that he had deep-set eyes and prominent facial features, and skin that was silky smooth to the touch. His lover was one of a kind but certainly handsome, perhaps not in a conventional sense but he was still undeniably attractive, and Kaname loved having something to touch and feel, something to overwhelm his senses each time they made love. Gin’s body had been far too plain for his liking, and the feel of bones and ribs was less than attractive, and Sosuke could never hope to respond in the same was as Sajin, always too fearful of losing control over himself. Sajin however was perfect, and the deep sounds he made during sex always so wonderfully erotic, so possessive and primal. How his husband could have such low self-worth puzzled him, because Kaname truly couldn’t see why his body would be imperfect. Sajin was his everything.
He wrapped his arms around Sajin’s neck and pulled him closer. The larger man was forced to brace his weight as he was pulled directly over his lover, his forearms resting either side of him, his face inches from Kaname’s. The way Kaname’s hand played with the hair at the base of his neck, the other tracing patterns on his back, felt so intimate and personal, it made him feel love, it made him forget everything about the world and feel special, beautiful. How was it that only Kaname ever made him feel that way?
“If we may,” Kaname carefully pulled the other man down on top of him, so that he could feel the full warmth of his lover, and so that he could whisper into his ear, “I would rather discuss my worries with you in the morning. Tonight I want only you.”
“Kaname . . .”
It was hard to hide the smile upon his lips, and he was unsure whether the lights had been left on or not, and so it was entirely possible that Sajin could see his smile, that he could see the way his eyes crinkled and his cheeks warmed, that he could see in that one expression just how much Kaname loved him.
He buried his hand into Sajin’s luscious hair and turned the other man’s face to his own, and gasped as he began to feel those plump lips gently press against his cheek, giving him soft and continuous pecking kisses. Then with an almost unexpected gesture Sajin’s lips pressed against his own, it was an almost chaste kiss, one that barely parted their lips, one that only hinted at things to come, and then as soon as Sajin pulled away he was back. He repeated this one or two more times, then moved in for a deep, passionate kiss, one that left Kaname breathless and overwhelmed. He found his body arching into Sajin’s, his legs parting as he lifted them higher, wrapping his left leg around his lover so that his foot rubbed against his buttock and pulled him closer, their groins rubbing directly against one another. Kaname threw back his head and hissed as he bit his lip, trying to hold back a heavier moan. When Sajin deliberately thrust against him he was sure he would be unable to hold back, that he would cry aloud, but then Sajin swallowed his mouth with his own and muffled the sound with a wet, clumsy kiss.
When Sajin pulled back he smiled warmly, and then changed the tone of his voice into one of softness and patience, knowing his lover would be unable to see his pleased expression: “It seems you really do want me, Kaname, but if you want me you’ll have to keep the noise down. It wouldn’t do for Wonderweiss or Hisagi-kun to hear us.”
“Of course,” he replied breathlessly, “but it is a shame, for you do make the most wonderful sounds yourself, and besides . . . I have plans that will really make you want to scream.”
Sajin laughed and looked down at his lover’s lust filled expression. Kaname’s eyes were closed in concentration, a habit he was prone to despite his lack of sight, and his lips were plumped and swollen with their kisses, wet with saliva and panting in exertion as he tried to hold back from frotting against Sajin. He had no doubt that he would be screaming indeed if Kaname had his way, and indeed each time he was inside his lover it was often hard to keep control, to keep from screaming aloud in ecstasy. Kaname was simply perfect in everything he did.
“Really?” he whispered back. “We shall soon see about that . . .”
* * *
Shinji gave an almost devilish smirk as he watched Aizen wince.
It wasn’t like the brunet to show any emotion, let alone to give a display of weakness, and yet there it was! It was subtle, he’d give him that, but it was still there nonetheless. The slight flinching of his eyelids, the way his lips gave a tiny twitch, and the way his brown eyes shook almost imperceptibly as he tried hard to gaze upon his blond lover . . . all of it gave him away as being nervous and somewhat in pain. It was possible with Aizen that even this was an act, that even these little responses were feigned to get the reaction from Shinji that he wanted, but who honestly cared?
Aizen wanted him. He wanted Shinji. It had been obvious from the moment at the party, where Shinji’s hand had touched Aizen in a way so intimately and passionately that the man’s self-control had really been pushed to the limit. Sure, they’d touched each other like that when they’d unofficially dated, and now they were an item again they’d touched each other all the more, but to take such risks, to touch each other in a room filled to the brim with friends and family . . . they hadn’t done that in years. There’d been a time in there relationship where they’d taken risks, where they’d do the craziest things in the most wildest of places, sometimes getting caught by the people they least wanted to see them, including Gin and Hiyori, but that had been all a part of the fun: the risk. They may be an item again, they may still hate each other as much as they lusted for one another, but that had been the first time in years in which they’d taken such a risk and done something so scandalous in such a public place. Shinji knew full damned well that Gin and Kira had saw them, and Yoruichi had noticed judging by her giggling and texting what had to be Kisuke, and Kaname’s not-so-subtle coughs and glares meant he’d noticed too, but what had they to feel embarrassed about, really? Hell, Shinji knew full well that those guys got up to just as much, although perhaps not as bad, so it wasn’t as if they could judge him now, was it? They were probably just jealous, that was it. Heh, he couldn’t say he blamed them.
The moment the dinner had ended Aizen had dragged Shinji upstairs. The blond couldn’t stop smiling every step of the way. Everyone knew it was etiquette for there to be drinks and small talk after those stuffy meals, and for the host to leave was just the height of rudeness. He didn’t doubt that Tousen and Gin had been left to entertain and then say goodbye to the guests, and the very fact that he could cause that reaction in Aizen, that he could make the man lose that stupid mask of self-control, it just made him smile like a buffoon. He loved it. He loved knowing that he could still get a rise out of Aizen – figuratively and literally – after all these years.
Currently he had Aizen pressed hard against the man’s bedroom wall. He had the man’s wrists tightly in his left hand, making sure to keep them high above Aizen’s head out of the way, and his right hand was currently stroking the brunet’s member. The moment he had Aizen pinned he had ripped the belt from the other man’s waist and pulled his trousers and undergarments downwards, forcing them to the floor around his ankles, leaving his lover completely exposed from the waist down. Aizen had barely responded. He’d let Shinji move and guide his body how he wanted, giving the blond complete control. His only facial recognition was the hazed look in his eyes, his half-lidded stare that could have been lust, fury or even both, and the soft way his lips parted as he licked them subtly with soft pants escaping them. He looked a sight indeed and Shinji wanted to savour him. He wanted to take his time making him beg, making him scream, and making him writhe . . .
Aizen truly looked delightful.
His upper body was still covered by his now crumpled and open shirt, jacket and loosened tie, and his lower body was completely naked, he looked like something from a porno movie, like a man on the verge of being ravished. His brown hair was loose with that one lock framing his face elegantly, and although his pupils were wide in lust his eyes were almost closed, it gave him a sultry look, an almost come hither appearance. Everything about him exuded a sense of sex, from the way his chest rose up and down heavily in anticipation, from the way his back arched almost professionally as Shinji pumped him, and the way he somehow managed to keep control of his noises, his voice barely audible but his panting breath like thunder. His skin was pale to look at, but his chest and cheeks had already begun to flush with arousal, and each time Shinji looked up at him he’d look back down with that lustful expression of need, his eyes full of passion and power, his lips locked in a soft smirk. Just by looking you’d never have known he was willing to give his body up to someone else, he looked so . . . dominant. Even when he was about to get fucked against the wall he looked every bit in charge, as if he wasn’t fazed in the least, and Goddamn if that wasn’t a huge turn-on!
Shinji licked his lips and let go of Aizen’s wrists to reach down to his own member. He quickly undid his trousers and pulled out his erect length, allowing it to stand up to attention, he then let go of the brunet entirely before grabbing his waist and throwing him down hard against the bed. There was barely a flicker of surprise on Aizen’s features, but the moment he fell he simply pulled himself upwards so that he was fully on its surface, head resting against a pillow, then divulged himself of his shirt and jacket, throwing them haphazardly onto the floor, whilst leaving his tie on.
“I hope you enjoy this, Shinji,” he whispered through eyes filled with passive fury, “because, after your rather inappropriate stunt, this will be the last time I allow you to fill me for a very long time.”
“Yeah, whatever,” Shinji scoffed. “We’ll see about that.”
The blond man swiftly undid his trousers and dropped them to the floor, then climbed onto the bed and crawled over Sosuke. It made him wish that he still had the long hair that he used to, so that he’d be able trail it over his lover’s body and torture him with the sensations he knew he loved, and – just for that pleasure – perhaps he’d grow it again, once more.
He reached under the far side of the enormous bed and underneath a feathered pillow, fishing around for the objects he knew he’d concealed there. Sosuke was a man of habit after all, and he’d only ever sleep on the far left side of the bed, despite the fact the bed could easily hold around five people comfortably (which he’d unfortunately found out one night when Gin was a lot younger. The creepy brat and Hiyori had decided they’d wanted a ‘sleepover’ and dragged along Kisuke too, all in order to torture Shinji and stop him from getting any). It was because of this – and the fact he always carefully made his side of the bed each day, not leaving it to the staff – that Aizen hadn’t yet discovered Shinji’s secret stash. It only took Shinji a few seconds to find the bottle of scented lubricant and flavoured condom that he’d left behind and pull them over towards him.
“Oh my,” Sosuke murmured with an omnipotent smile and a patronising gaze. His tone was light, mocking and a little too cheerful. “I wonder how long my thoughtful sensei has stashed those there? Do you really think we’ll have a need for them, Hirako-sensei?”
Shinji swallowed hard at hearing ‘sensei’ on Aizen’s lips, especially when it had been said in such a throaty, innocent manner. It reminded him of the first time they’d slept together, when Sosuke had been so hesitant and nervous, and how Shinji for so long afterwards still was left struggling to work out if it was part of an act or a genuine feeling of anxiety. Still, who didn’t like the idea of being a big, bad sensei with the struggling, naked pupil beneath them, oh so naughty and oh so asking to be taken? Oh, and Aizen was so asking for it after the hell he’d put him through the last few days, he was just asking for it, and Shinji was more than happy to answer him.
“You really do like the sound o’ your own voice, don’t ya, Sosuke?”
Aizen merely smiled in response. It was creepy how even when Shinji could be towering over him, ready to penetrate him, that the guy still had that infuriating ‘I so totally own you smirk’ on his lips, it really made Shinji just want to pound him until he was no longer able to smirk. He really needed to teach Aizen a lesson, and even if he knew – deep down – he’d never be able to, he’d still happily settle for the illusion of being in control.
He reached out for the condom and tore open the packet with his teeth, glaring daggers at Aizen who was almost pouting his lips with that devilish smile of his, gazing back up at Shinji with infinite patience. The way he raised his arms seductively, draping them over his head with his hands clutching the headboard, his legs spreading slowly and erotically so as to let Shinji settle down in between them, it was all so contrived and orchestrated and yet somehow – for whatever reason – it also seemed so natural too, so real. It was really as if Aizen was giving up control, but if he was it was still because he chose to give that control up, because he chose to let Shinji take him, and that would never quite be enough for the blond. He wanted Aizen to break underneath him, to own him for just one minute, and yet the frustration that he would never have that aggravated him.
Aizen was still smiling up at him when as he pulled on the condom and coated his length with lubrication, the blasted look on his face only served to piss Shinji off all the more. He smiled a smile of his own, showing a row of pearly white teeth, then reached down for the tie Aizen still wore and pulled harshly at it, forcing Aizen to lift his head or else choke. There was a faint gasp from the brunet but nothing else, and so Shinji dropped his hold and smiled menacingly down at Aizen, before lowering his mouth towards the other’s neck.
It was almost eerie how Aizen refused to move, how he kept insanely still aside from the odd writhing movements of pleasure, as if he was deliberately leaving everything in Shinji’s hands. It just made Shinji want to hurt him and please him all the more, force Aizen to feel in order to force him to react, and maybe that’s what the brunet wanted, maybe he wanted Shinji to take control and be forceful with him, but Shinji didn’t care, he just wanted some kind of damn reaction!
Shinji reached down and hooked his arms underneath Aizen’s legs, pulling them upwards to expose Aizen’s waiting hole to him, then positioned himself so that his head teased against his lover’s entrance, hinting at things to come without actually deigning to give him. Meanwhile he leant down so that his mouth brushed against the brunet’s neck and began to bite a little too harshly, causing Aizen to lose some control and grip onto Shinji’s shoulders for some support. Shinji smiled to himself as he licked, kissed and bit at the pale column of skin, relishing in the soft gasps that Aizen let out, enjoying how his many love-bites could actually affect Aizen in a way the man probably wouldn’t approve of. The sounds were delicious, little gasps and groans that were barely there but oh so obvious, along with tiny rhythmic thrusts upwards that pushed his hard, weeping member against Shinji’s abdomen, coating his skin with pre-come and causing Shinji to hiss outwards in arousal.
He braced his weight on his arm as he continued to suck and kiss at Aizen’s neck, then with his other hand he moved slowly upwards to play with his lover’s nipple, pulling and stroking in order to tease Sosuke past the point of endurance. When he looked up for a second to see the brunet’s expression fade into one of please, his self-control fading away, it was when he decided to take things further.
It only took the minimum of effort to slide deep inside Aizen. They were intimate so often now that it barely took any preparation for either of them to be ready, and yet the feeling of Aizen around him still managed to take his breath away. There was something to be said for being taken and for taking, and as much as he enjoyed the feeling of Sosuke deep inside him it could never compare to being buried to the hilt inside his lover. The knowledge that no one else had ever been inside Aizen was enough on its own to make the pleasure so much more intense, bringing out a possessive side that Shinji embraced, but the physical sensations were almost overpowering in their intensity. Aizen was like a perfect fit, just tight enough so that Shinji had to use every ounce of self-control not to pound into him then and there, but soft enough that there was no discomfort whatsoever and an easy ride in and out of Sosuke. He could already feel a faint sweat breaking over his forehead.
He managed to keep his left arm hooked beneath Aizen’s leg, bracing his weight on the same arm, so that his lover was half-bent upon his side, giving Shinji easy access to his passage. Their lips were pressed together although neither had the strength or energy to kiss, each one panting out hard so that their breaths merged as one, and that they could feel the intimacy of the gesture without deepening it.
When Aizen instinctually flexed his inner muscles around Shinji the blond cried out, and unable to keep his control began pounding hard against Sosuke in a brutal rhythm. His lover cried out loudly as Shinji thrust hard against him, aiming for the spot that he had memorised over time, relishing the feel of Sosuke wrapping his other leg around him and pulling him deeper, his hands clenching and unclenching around Shinji’s neck, desperate for a purchase that they couldn’t seem to find. Every few moments Shinji had to stop to catch his breath, his heart pounding so fast and hard that he feared he might pass out should he carry on, and Aizen’s facial expressions were almost too much to bear. The man had nearly lost all self-control. His eyes were clenched shut tight, his mouth open just enough for breath but contorting into the most beautiful of shapes, and his smile had officially been wiped away.
Shinji sped up as much as the position enabled him. He could hear the slurping sound of the lubricant each time he thrust in and out, the heavy slapping of his balls against his lover’s buttocks, and the headboard knocking heavily against the thin walls of the bedroom. His own voice was growing louder and louder, and beneath him Aizen’s every muscle was growing tense and hard, and the moment Shinji lowered his hand to touch Sosuke’s weeping member the brunet nearly exploded.
Aizen was firm and hard in his hand, the skin soft but wet with natural lubricant, and as Shinji pumped in time with his hard, ramming thrusts the man underneath him squirmed and keened. It took barely three pumps before Aizen moaned quietly, throwing his head back so that Shinji’s lips were now sucking upon his Adam’s apple, and his body gave a full shudder. The thick ropes of come soon coated Shinji’s shirt, his hand now hot and wet as trickles ran down his digits, and beneath him he could see long, white lines covering Aizen’s pale skin right up to his collarbone. His insides clenched hard and fast, flickering with the pleasure he felt so that Shinji was forced to scream aloud, filling the condom instantly and howling his release as he came harder than he had for a long time. His heart felt ready to burst as he choked on the air, his body hot and aching, sweat dripping down his forehead and sticking his hair to his skin, and his body flushed red with exertion. He winced as he pulled out and collapsed on the bed next to Sosuke, kicking aside the bottle of lubricant as he did so.
“Fuck, Sosuke,” he murmured, licking his lips. “Yer sure ya wanna give that up just ‘cause yer pissed at me?”
He looked at his lover who merely smiled in a rather sadistic way before rolling over onto his side, he reached out for a tissue on his bedside table and began to wipe away the mess on his stomach. Shinji simply rolled his eyes as he pulled off the condom and wiped himself with the tissue once Sosuke was done, if he was lucky the bastard lawyer would be up for another round before the night was done.
He was ready to ask when he began to hear a slow, rhythmic pounding noise, strangely sexual, almost like someone was being banged against a desk or a wall, kind of like what they’d been up to with the headboard going in a steady beat. Whatever it was making the noise was bloody annoying and ruined the moment. It made him groan and cover his ears as he simply rolled his eyes with a frown.
“What the hell is that, Sosuke?”
“I believe,” Aizen replied, as he stood up slowly and began to pick up the clothes around the bed and fold them carefully, “that is Gin with his boyfriend. I am afraid his room is next to mine. When he was a child this was most convenient, but now that he is older I am afraid it leaves me open to hearing the most unfortunate noises.”
“Don’t he know ‘bout the cameras?”
“Of course, but he also has the passwords to delete the tapes when he is done.”
Shinji groaned again and tried to block out the noises. It was fucking creepy to hear that silver-haired, fox-faced freak banging away at his boyfriend in the room next door, and even more annoying that now Aizen had headed into the en suite to run himself a shower. Didn’t that guy have any sense of romance? Didn’t he care that Shinji was lying on the bed just waiting for another go? Most of all, wasn’t he going to do something about Ichimaru ruining their time together?
“Yo, he ain’t a kid no more, Sosuke, why don’t ya make him move rooms?”
“I am afraid Gin is like a son to me, Shinji,” Aizen called out from the bathroom. “He has had a room here since he was a child, and until he finds another job and an apartment he will be living here. I will not make a son of mine move solely to make the life of a Vizard easier. This is his home.”
“Tch, you make it sound like you love him more or something . . .”
Aizen leaned out from around the door with a rather penetrating gaze, “Precisely.”
It was then the bathroom door slammed shut and Shinji was stuck listening to ‘ah, Gin, p-please don’t tease me!’ and ‘I love ya, Izuru-kun!’ as the banging against the wall continued, and the noise of the shower echoed around the room. Shinji was literally shaking with rage. He hadn’t exactly expected to go from mortal enemies to madly in love, but he had expected to be treated with a little respect and to be more than just a fuck-toy to Aizen. Hell, shouldn’t his feelings count for something? Why couldn’t he demand Gin move rooms, didn’t he have a right? Oh, and if Aizen loved Gin so much more then why didn’t he just fuck him instead? Yeah, that’d go down oh so well . . . Bastard.
“Yeah?” Shinji shouted loudly, marching around the room to quickly redress, hoping to God that the come on his shirt wouldn’t stain. “Well – then I’m – I’ll –!” Shit, he had no power here at all, and what could he say to irk Aizen into a response? “Well, in that case I’m going t’ spend the night at Kisuke’s! Yeah! You want someone to fuck, then go fuck yourself!”
“Very well, please be quiet on your way out.”
That damned, two-faced, cold-hearted -! Fine, if he wanted it that way then so be it, he’d go crash the night at Kisuke’s and Aizen would be all horny with no one to fuck, and then he’d be sorry! Then Shinji would be the one to have all the power and he could laugh at Sosuke for once! The problem was he knew it wouldn’t work, in a few days he’d be back at square one and in Aizen’s arms and -! That damned man would win, he’d bloody well win, and it wasn’t fair! It wasn’t!
Shinji screamed loudly and slammed the bedroom door as loud as he could.
“Fuck you, Sosuke!”
He was sure he could hear Gin laughing from close by . . .
* * *
There was something about Muguruma-san’s voice that Kaname strongly disliked.
It sounded to Kaname’s ears rather . . . common. That was not a word that he liked to use, for it had highly negative and judgemental connotations. It also seemed to imply that the subject in question was somewhat dense, uneducated and rather abrupt in manner, and this was not always the case. It was well known that he himself had not had the best of upbringings, and Gin was also often considered ‘common’ by some of the upper class for his accent. It frustrated Kaname for Gin’s accent was something that was outside of his control and certainly did not define him as a person, and Gin – despite how he may speak – was highly intelligent, infinitely patient, and one of the most educated people he had met. To Kaname it was indeed a word he disliked, but yet it somehow seemed to describe the man in front of him perfectly, as if Muguruma was in itself synonymous with ‘common’.
The way the man spoke grated on Kaname’s every nerve. It was the voice of men like Zaraki, something gruff and heavy with a strong edge, almost as if with every word he was daring you to argue back, to take offence, as if the whole world was out to get him and he felt compelled to be always on edge. However men like Zaraki did – he was reluctant to admit – hold something back, they had standards and limits, they would not attack those weaker than them or those who could not fight back, but this man did not seem to have those same values.
Even if Kaname had not heard on the news that Muguruma-san had beaten his friend and protégé, he still would have known what kind of man he was dealing with. Every single sentence was sharp, hard and staccato, and only lengthened on certain phrases as if implicitly saying ‘you got a problem with that, buddy?’ The way he drawled his words when thinking implied a man of slow intelligence and, likewise, the way he reacted so quickly to provocation showed a man quick to anger. That was a very bad combination. Kaname had to wonder why Hisagi had not listened to his advice. He was sure he had drilled into the younger man that the path of justice should be free of bloodshed, that violence was never the answer and should be the last resort of a desperate man. Why he had dated a man so angry was beyond comprehension, it was almost terrifying how in every single word this man seemed to add a hint of hostility, and Kaname was forced to wonder why this man could be so angry, what had the world done to him?
The other man would not have been sitting in his home were it not for the fact that Kaname had a great respect for Hisagi. Although they had not been in contact since he had joined with Arrancar, and Hisagi had joined the Vizard, Kaname was adamant on keeping in touch from now on.
When he had left he had envisioned the younger man to be confident, assertive and able to cope on his own without the constant supervision of his mentor, and yet . . . it seemed as if Kaname had failed him. Perhaps he did not have the support base that Kaname had believed him to have, or perhaps he was not as self-assured as he seemed, or maybe he felt betrayed by Kaname’s departure and turned to the first pair of open arms, but regardless the fact remained that he had needed Kaname and he had not been there for him, he had not supported him. He would not make that mistake again. He would support Hisagi with every ounce of strength he had, and he would be there for the man no matter what, he would not leave him again. He had acted unjustly in the past, neglecting his friend, but this time it would be different, he would defend Hisagi as if he were his own flesh and blood, and he would make up for his past errors in whatever way he could. He would not fail Hisagi again.
Hisagi had already left the house by the time Muguruma-san had arrived. Kaname had recommended that he take a day off from work to spend with friends, and to his knowledge Matsumoto-san had arranged for a group of friends to meet at her bar for a private get-together. It had sounded highly enjoyable when Hisagi discussed it with him. Kira, Abarai and Kurosaki would be there, and a few other names that were only vaguely familiar to Kaname, but there would be alcohol and music, and it would be a wonderful distraction from this incident with the brute Muguruma. So when he had been asked where Hisagi was Kaname had claimed to not know and invited the man inside to wait instead.
It had involved some highly irritating small talk whilst Muguruma-san decided the layout of the house was unacceptable. Instead of sitting patiently cross-legged in the living room he had pulled up the couch to a strange angle by the breakfast bar, and – sitting on the back with his feet on the arm – decided to talk to Kaname from over the bar instead. The house was not small, but it certainly wasn’t as large as the Western houses Muguruma-san was used to, and so by moving the couch it had caused Kaname significant difficulty in going about his chores. He had bumped into his guest twice and had to rely on his hands a few times to work out where the sofa had shifted, and it wasn’t until Muguruma had explained his actions that Kaname understood. It had been made all the more frustrating by how the other man had a hold of a large rucksack, he seemed to be constantly fiddling or swinging it and it caused a racket quite distracting to Kaname, forcing him to really concentrate to distinguish the sounds around him. This was truly the most ignorant and insensitive man he had ever met, even Gin had learnt quickly that it was dangerous to move objects around a blind man who could not see, and the sudden change in layout would be disruptive to Wonderweiss who felt uneasy with changes in environment. Kaname could not say he was at all impressed.
“Perhaps,” he said in an emotionless tone, “you would like me to take your bag from you, Muguruma-san?”
“Huh? Oh, yeah, sure, I guess. Thanks.”
The kitchen was a reasonable size, square, with many work-surfaces along the outside, but with an empty space in the centre. There was a dog basket in the far corner by the back door, it was the only play the young dog seemed to sleep and so it was convenient, but for that reason they were forced to tile the kitchen entirely, It would be too dangerous after all for a dog to be loose in the kitchen with no way for a blind man to know its whereabouts, and the tiled floor allowed for its paws to be heard and thus for Kaname to adjust his route when he walked. There was no door to the living room, and instead they’d opened up the entire wall and put in a breakfast bar, it enabled Komamura and Kaname to pass items to one another easily then when they were both busy, and made communication between the two easier.
Kaname placed down the bread knife he was holding to cut the sandwiches for lunch, and turned around with a slight smile upon his lips. He wandered across the tiled kitchen to the breakfast bar and took a step into the small aisle, when he reached out for his guest’s bag the other man dropped it into his hand, it was heavy but easy to carry and seemed just small enough to be placed out the way without hassle. Its material was rough and thick, and when Kaname ran a hand over it the bag seemed covered with zips and clips, possibly originally intended for camping or travel, and much alike Komamura’s bag, except the material of his bag was waterproof and smooth. It would be impossible to confuse the two.
“I will place it this side of the bar out of the way,” Kaname said, carefully placing the item next to Sajin’s bag in the kitchen on the other side of the bar, out of Muguruma’s sight. “It is next to Sajin’s so it will be easy to find.”
“Yeah, right.”
Kaname gave a polite smile and then walked back across the kitchen to where the sandwiches were, and proceeded to wrap them carefully in cling-film. There was a simple bento-box to his side already filled with different foods; fish, rice, fruit and nori, but Wonderweiss – unlike his father – preferred Western food, which was thankfully a lot easier to make. There was a large lunchbox on top of Sajin’s bento, and already it was filled with pots of fruit salad, yoghurt, cartons of juice and now sandwiches, it would hopefully be enough to fill the boy up and provide a balanced meal. He closed the lid of the box and turned to clean the work-surface.
“So,” Muguruma said awkwardly, “are you guys heading somewhere?”
“My husband and son are going fishing for the day,” Kaname said, almost conversationally. “Sajin will be taking Wonderweiss for a play-date with two friends in the afternoon. Although I do not approve of either of the girls’ guardians, these interactions are beneficial to Wonderweiss’ well-being.”
“Ah, yeah, that sounds like fun. It’s good for a kid to . . . you know . . . socialise and stuff . . .” The other man gave an uncomfortable cough and began to tap nervously on the top of the bar. “So what kind of fishing is it?”
“There are more than one kinds of fishing?”
“Err, yeah . . .”
This certainly wasn’t turning out to be a fun day for either of them . . .
There were things that needed to be said, certain things that had to be discussed, and there was perhaps only so much time for it to be said. Outside Kaname could hear his son wailing loudly, and with that noise there was also the sound of rhythmic slaps with a constant humming. It seemed that Wonderweiss had taken upset at something and that Sajin was trying to comfort him, by singing and patting him on his back, it would take a while for the boy to calm down, and if the car was not already packed that would take time also. That left perhaps ten minutes, twenty at most, for Kaname to say what he needed to say, and then Sajin would come inside for the lunches and his bag, and then he would be unable to say it. He would need to speak quickly, or he would miss his chance to speak at all.
He walked slowly over to a small refrigerator in a far corner, one that opened from top and required a key to unlock – something necessary when it was at easy height for a dog or child – and carefully unlocked the fridge. Inside there were many boxes, but only two that he needed. He could feel the ice cold exterior, smooth and flawless, and he was told that the boxes were opaque and carefully made, the lacquer surface painted with old-fashioned images of fishing and related activities. He could not be sure if that was the case, but all he cared about was that these revolting items were not kept in the usual refrigerator with the food, especially after an incident where poor Wonderweiss had once reached up for a chocolate bar and knocked the container over himself. Kaname had been furious with Sajin for that. It was not only disgusting to keep live bait with food, but it was even more irresponsible to do so with the container not fully secured in a house with a small child. Kaname had not shouted, he had not screamed, he had not become violent in the least . . . but needless to say the very next day a separate refrigerator had been brought, new containers, and a lock, and the vile creatures were not seen again until it was time to place them in the car to travel to the lakes and rivers.
Kaname walked slowly over to the bags and placed the bait boxes beside the two bags on the floor, then returned for the food boxes and instead put these on top of the bar beside Muguruma’s elbow, accidentally knocking the man as he did so and apologising briefly. He then took a step back and listened to the sounds of the house. Upstairs was silent except for Hisagi’s phone ringing that he had left behind, and in the kitchen Goro was rolling around in his basket, playing with what sounded like a bone nearly hollow, and outside Wonderweiss’ crying had slowed down to a mere pitiful whining. It was peaceful in all, but certainly full of signs of life. It would not be long before they were interrupted, and so Kaname spoke.
“I once had an affair.”
There was absolute silence from Muguruma. He had ceased fidgeting and moving completely. His body became still, and there were regular sounds of intakes of breath and little smacks of lips, almost as if he was trying to speak but found himself unable to, and in the end he contented himself with a deep drawing of breath and sounded as if he had brushed his hand through his hair. The silence in itself was indicative that Kaname had broken the awkward quiet with something even worse, something beyond what the term ‘awkward’ could fully express.
He had put Muguruma in a very uncomfortable situation, one in which the other man had no idea how to react. It was somewhat satisfying to know he had caused the man such discomfort, but at the same time there was not time for these kind of reactions.
When Muguruma eventually spoke all he said was: “Come again?”
“I said that I have once had an affair,” Kaname said again. “Sajin and I have been together for nine years. We have been friends since were teenagers, but we were not a serious couple until I was twenty-two. Our relationship has been solid, but then around three years ago we hit a rough patch. I had been spending far too much time at work, neglecting my family, and Sajin was obsessed with the man I was, he was not giving me enough freedoms to adapt and change, I felt constrained. We were at a company party one evening and I regret to say I became drunk, I then slept with a colleague of mine.”
The silence was almost deafening. Kaname could practically hear the judgement and the puzzlement radiating from his guest; there was the way his breathing had slowed as if trying not to react instinctively, the way he was no longer moving as if he had tensed his muscles, and the way that he was clearly waiting to see what would come next. He was evidently angry to meet another man whom had cheated on his partner, much like how Hisagi had cheated on him, but also knowing that a man would not just confess to a past misdemeanour unless he had reason to, and that if he waited Kaname would no doubt reveal that reason.
After a long moment he spoke again, but this time his voice was bitter and hollow, there was a definite edge to his tone that spoke clearly of accusation and also sounded slightly defensive.
“So? What’s this got to do with me?”
“I will not divulge the reasons for what I did, needless to say what I did was wrong. I had sworn to live a just and moral life and instead I had betrayed the one I loved . . . Hisagi has betrayed you in that same way. He had a need that was not being fulfilled and – instead of acting maturely as I have tried to teach him – he reached out to the first person that fulfilled that need. That may have been a physical or emotional need, but that is up to you and Hisagi to discover . . .”
Kaname drew in a deep breath. It was true . . . all affairs and betrayals stemmed from a need, and his had been freedom.
His life had not been at all an easy one. His blindness had made it hard to make friends, many saw him as too much effort and he could not play or socialise the same way his peers could, but one person had seen past that blindness, one person had been there for him. He had loved her unconditionally. She would spend the nighttimes trying to describe the stars to him, in the mornings she would always laugh and smile and teach him to cook and fend for himself, and in the afternoons she would head to work. He admired her love for the world, her passion for her job, and then one day she was brutally taken away from him, murdered by her own husband . . .
Her death had disillusioned him. Her husband had not been sentenced as he should have been, there had been no justice, her death had not been avenged, and he was forced to live his life alone, without the love and support of the person who had meant so much to him. One man had stolen a life and in return he was allowed to live, he was not punished in the slightest.
So Tousen had tried to live a life she would have been proud of. He tried to fit into society and make friends, to live a just and correct life, but somehow it had all seemed so hollow . . . He had met Sajin in university as he studied for his law degree and suddenly he felt as if there was hope in his life, but it was a shallow hope, tainted by his fear that Sajin would one day leave him as she had done, or betray him in a way that her husband had done. He still loathed the world around him, the people and society that had let them both down, and Sajin seemed so naïve and optimistic, unable to see the world for what it truly was. Yes, Sajin had suffered, but Kaname was suffering too, and he had been too self-centred to see Sajin’s pain, to even notice that the other man was in love with him, and so they had parted. Kaname began to sleep with the teaching assistant in his law class, the same man that would later become his boss, and the same man would begin a rather complex relationship with his professor Hirako-sensei. It had ended amicably, and Kaname and Aizen-sama had remained in touch. Kaname had tried to live the life his friend would have wanted for him, he tried so very hard, he had entered a career in publishing and had even a minor success from his cookery books, and indeed his later career as an editor had allowed him to fall in love with Sajin and befriend Hisagi-kun, but it wasn’t enough . . .
Tousen had felt compelled to use his qualifications to enter a career in law, leaving Hisagi behind and entering Arrancar as one of Aizen’s right-hand men. It seemed to go well, and although Sajin could not fault his relationship with Wonderweiss he did have other complaints. He seemed to be frustrated that Kaname had changed, he was angry that Kaname was spending too much time at work, and each time he tried to control and limit these changes Kaname resented him. He wanted freedom to explore the law, the concepts of justice, and make sure that justice was achieved, and most of all he wanted room to grow as a person. They had fought the night before Aizen’s party, and Kaname had said some cruel words and Sajin had blamed Aizen for everything, insisting Kaname quit his job, and it was then that Wonderweiss came in and their argument was forced to end.
That night Kaname had a one-night-stand with Gin.
“I confessed to Sajin at once, much as Hisagi-kun did with you,” Kaname continued, “and he was indeed furious. There are some people who cannot forgive such a betrayal, indeed I know a brute of a man who told his girlfriend to leave and not to come back, but Sajin isn’t like that. He loves me, and swore he would always do what he needed to do in order to be with me. He forgave me. It took a long time, but he did. I had to live with the guilt every day, and it took me much longer than it did for him to forgive myself, and even now I find myself doing unnecessary things for him to try and put it right. I believe now that our relationship is stronger than it has ever been. What happened will never happen again.”
“What? So you’re saying I should just forgive Hisagi? I already fucking forgave him, he’s the one who’s keeping me waiting here!”
“That is not what I am saying.” Kaname turned to Muguruma and gave him a penetrating stare, one that was effective even if he could not see the other man, and continued in a slow but firm tone of voice, “I am saying forgive him or let him go. If you keep mentioning his betrayal than that is not forgiveness, a man who forgives the past does not need to keep bringing it back up in the present.”
There was a sudden silence and Kaname could only hope that his words were sinking in, that Muguruma was paying close attention to his meaning. If Hisagi was foolish enough to take this foul man back then he wanted to make sure that the past stayed in the past, he would not allow for his friend to be emotionally abused simply because Muguruma found it enjoyable to sate his sadistic needs on Hisagi.
He bent down and carefully felt the bags on the floor, making sure to get a feel for which was which as he undid the necessary clips. He then lifted the two boxes of bait and placed them in their necessary places, ready for the fishing trip, checking with his fingers the lids of each one. It took only a few seconds to do up the clips and zips, and he then lifted Sajin’s bag and placed it on the bar, far side from the food, and then reached down for Muguruma’s bag and handed it to him gently and respectfully. The other man jumped up and grabbed the bag, pulling it on before kicking the sofa back into its original place. He was violent even in the simplest of actions. It was frustrating to Kaname to have to deal with this type of man, and he was only too glad to see the back of him, so to speak.
“One last thing,” Kaname said quietly, hearing Sajin’s heavy booted footsteps returning to the house. “Sajin – even in our worst moments – has never raised a fist to me. No man should ever raise his fists. I have already lost one friend, Muguruma-san,” at this he placed a firm hand on the man’s shoulder, “if anything should happen to Hisagi-kun again it shall be a tragedy.”
Muguruma harshly shrugged Tousen’s hand from his shoulder. He gave a growl of disapproval and marched away angrily, muttering rude expletives under his breath. Kaname remained fixed to his spot and stayed quiet until he heard the front door slamming closed, and it was then that he allowed himself to relax and move from his spot and turn to face the kitchen door instead.
Sajin entered quickly with a loud sigh, it seemed as if he was rather frustrated by the tantrum Wonderweiss had thrown, but when he came close enough to Kaname he merely pulled the man to him in a long embrace and kissed him softly on the top of his head. Kaname gave a soft smile as Sajin pulled away and scooped up his bag, before pulling the lunchboxes across the bar and under his arm. There was a slight pause of sound before a minor sound of rummaging, a few frustrated grunts, and then the larger man shuffled around and spoke in a slow deliberate voice. Kaname felt a twinge of pain knowing that his lover was suffering was a bad day, and wished he had the time to go with them, but unfortunately he had an obligation to ride with Gin to Unohana’s and wait for him. It seemed the silver-haired man could not be trusted to go to his appointment alone, and Kaname was being paid well to chaperone his friend and colleague. Luckily, however, it turned out for the best, Kaname could not claim to enjoy fishing or spending an afternoon with Yachiru, Nel or Wonderweiss together.
“Kaname,” Sajin said gruffly, “where is the second box of maggots? I do not have time to be packing things that should already have been done, Wonderweiss is growing restless and he will not wish to be seated in the car for long.”
“Oh?” Kaname said a little too innocently with a face a little too passive. “I am sorry, it seems I must have put an open box into Muguruma-san’s bag by mistake, blindness is indeed a handicap.”
“An open box?”
“Yes, a man like him would probably not even notice an extra maggot or two.”
Even though he could not see Sajin’s face he knew the man was smiling . . .
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Romance and Rivalries