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The Heart in My Hand	By : chayron Category: Bleach > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 10028 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach. It belongs to its respective owners. This fan fiction is not a commercial project, and I am not making any money from writing it.

Chapter List
- 1-Part 1
- 2-Part 2
- 3-Part 3
- 4-Part 4
- 5-Part 5
- 6-Part 6
- 7-Part 7
- 8-Part 8
- 9-Part 9
- 10-Part 10
- 11-Part 11
- 12-Part 12
- 13-Part 13
- 14-Part 14
- 15-Part 15
- 16-Part 16
- 17-Part 17
- 18-Part 18
- 19-Part 19
- 20-Part 20
- 21-Part 21
- 22-Part 22
- 23-Part 23
- 24-Part 24
- 25-Part 25
- 26-Part 26
- 27-Part 27
- 22
- 23
- 24
Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach – it belongs to its respective owners. This fan fiction is not a commercial project, and I am not making any money from writing it.
Warnings:
1. Yaoi (male x male). Ulquiorra x Ichigo and vice versa. Other pairings?
2. Ichigo – 20 years old; Ulquiorra – probably a few hundred as a Hollow and about a decade or so as an Arrancar?
3. Post anime (haven’t read the manga).
4. Alternate Universe.
5. I’m not a native speaker, thus expect various language oddities.
6. I’m not very familiar with all the details in the anime, and I am also new to Bleach fandom, so I will be straying away from the canon quite frequently. I do my research but Bleach is a vast universe that is not so easy to grasp. I must admit, though, that there are also things in the anime that don’t make sense to me and I take the liberty of recreating certain parts of this universe as I see fit.
The Heart in My Hand
by chayron (lttomb@yahoo.com), beta-read by Ash
Part 23
They ended up carrying Ichigo in the bed. The redhead’s feet had swollen so much that it was visible even through the sandals, and Ulquiorra had told him to climb up. Lying in the bed like a king, albeit an embarrassed one, he considered a possible course of his actions.
“Tell Kuchiki that I can’t return to report with you because I have to study for an important exam,” he told Abarai once they were back at Ulquiorra’s dilapidated fort.
“I doubt he’ll buy it, but I’ll try to cover you,” Renji promised. With a wink, he wished Ichigo a good stay and some exciting times, had a few words with Cifer and then left.
The double bed happened to be too big to fit through the shack’s door. Ichigo suggested disassembling and assembling it again inside. Ulquiorra and Grimmjow pointed out that they had no tools for that. The problem was solved by Cifer suddenly unsheathing his Zanpakuto and cutting out a large square in the shack’s wall. Thus, Grimmjow’s love nest was forced to accommodate a foreign object while Grimmjow himself was sent out to look for something, anything to fasten the wall planks back. He was also informed that the longer it took him to find that “anything”, the better.
Ichigo took in the redecorations in the shack: the hole had been made in the corridor and he was relieved to see that the impromptu bedroom wasn’t visible through it. He could hear Ulquiorra and Grimmjow talking outside and then silence settled; Grimmjow had left. Ulquiorra walked in through the hole in the corridor and headed to the bedroom.
The bed was right behind him and Ichigo felt embarrassingly excited while watching Ulquiorra advance closer to him. Cifer was cornering him now but Ichigo didn’t feel either alarmed or threatened. His thoughts would often wander back to their last encounter in the Human World. Frankly, he had ended up wishing for more. During his acquaintance with Ulquiorra, he had been plagued by reluctance and insecurity that were mostly caused by the negative social outlook on what was against social norms. He had also been confused about his own feelings. Yet during the few months after their last encounter his confusion had mostly dissipated. He liked men. He also liked women. Currently, however, he was more attracted to the same sex. And he, more or less, was fine with that.
“Not running away?” Ulquiorra asked Ichigo. Despite his shorter stature he somehow towered over the taller man.
“I think I’ll stay and see what you have to offer.”
The redhead’s seductive answer caused Ulquiorra’s pupils to dilate. He smirked. “I am no less interested in what you have to offer.”
“I’m not certain it’s much,” Ichigo admitted.
Ulquiorra’s aggressive proximity was making his body tingle with both the other man’s familiar energy and anticipation.
“Let us decide that later,” Ulquiorra said kindly.
Ichigo sighed in satisfaction when Ulquiorra’s mouth pressed against the column of his neck. The other man clearly remembered this particular sweet spot of his. Ichigo’s knees started going weak. Ulquiorra maneuvered them to the bed and pushed Ichigo into it, making him sit down. His hands took up the task of untying the sash of Ichigo’s hakama. After pulling the sash off, he pushed the hakama down. Ichigo was hard already and Ulquiorra wasted no time in seizing him in his palm. He stroked lightly then gave a firm squeeze, making Ichigo grunt in pleasure. Their eyes met and Ichigo lowered his awkwardly. His coyness turned Cifer on even more. He pushed the redhead down into the bed. While Ichigo was watching, Ulquiorra undid his own sash and freed himself. He gauged Ichigo’s reaction, but wasn’t certain how exactly to interpret what he was seeing on the redhead’s face. Fear, lust, excitement, curiosity. Ulquiorra wasn’t even certain what some of these emotions meant or why the other male was experiencing them.
He got rid of Ichigo’s hakama quickly. The look on Ichigo’s face, however, was urging him to take things slower. A little puzzled, Ulquiorra obeyed his intuition. He tossed both of their hakamas and the upper clothing onto the sandy floor. Instead of climbing in between the redhead’s legs and spreading them apart, he continued to sit on the edge of the bed while watching the redhead for any kind of signal. He didn’t have to wait long, Ichigo pulling him down, kissing him, finding his hand and pushing it south towards his jutting erection. Ulquiorra complied with the wordless request immediately, stroking, squeezing.
Breathless, they pulled apart. Ichigo hadn’t noticed how Ulquiorra had gotten on top of him, but there he was, between his thighs, hard and ready, and Ichigo didn’t mind it. He shortly wondered about condoms and lubricants but perhaps sex worked in a completely different way in spiritual worlds.
To his surprise, Ulquiorra entering him didn’t cause as much discomfort as he had prepared for. Ulquiorra, unexpectedly, was kind and careful. The whole thing felt rather strange, though. There certainly wasn’t much pleasure from the penetration itself or friction, instead, what aroused him most was the intimate act itself. The very idea of the other man’s cock drilling his ass made his own dick throb in lust. His legs were stupidly dangling over Ulquiorra’s shoulders but he was already beyond being embarrassed. Yet he still couldn’t meet Ulquiorra’s eyes and was staring at the ceiling instead.
The slow, monotonous friction was warming up his insides. The warmth was spreading throughout his body and soon built up to fire pit in his lower body. This was so completely different from those several times he had been with Orihime that it baffled him. It wasn’t even the difference in their positions or how different Ulquiorra’s lean and hard body was from that of Orihime’s soft and pliant one.
Cifer wondered if Ichigo realized that he was moaning with every thrust. The youth had appeared to be unexpectedly vocal. Ulquiorra rather liked that, but there was also the fact that everybody else with ears in a fifty-meter radius liked it as well. The idea bothered Ulquiorra and made him feel even more possessive of the redhead. He thrust harder but that made the youth groan even louder.
“I’m about to come,” Ichigo gasped out in a moment. He did exactly that only two seconds later.
Dazed, he stared at the dilapidated ceiling. His feet were still up in the air, Ulquiorra’s dick still in his ass, thrusting. His mind didn’t quite register any of that. He wasn’t exactly in shock either. His mind was, instead, preoccupied with wonder and surprise at how good it had felt and that absolutely nothing had changed. He was still the same Ichigo even though there was a dick in his ass. He couldn’t help but wonder why he had been so bent on denying it all, on “protecting” himself and others from the very idea of himself being attracted to men. What exactly was so wrong about it?
Cifer finished as well, and Ichigo suddenly felt a stream of energy gushing into him. It felt familiar, safe and even kind of pleasant, yet it was so strange and unexpected that he freaked out. It scared him even more when he felt it spreading further inside him.
“What’s wrong?” Ulquiorra asked, watching the redhead’s face carefully. He was aware that, surprisingly, something had scared the other man.
“What’s happening?” Ichigo demanded, trying to push him away.
“Mmm?” Ulquiorra wondered, unsure. Kurosaki looked worried but he couldn’t sense anything wrong with the redhead. He pulled out carefully. Ichigo tensed, and he felt the urge to push back into him. Just because he could. He was still hard, unsatisfied. Instead, in an attempt to quench his lust, he leaned in to kiss the redhead.
Ichigo turned his head away, avoiding the other’s mouth. “What’s going on?” he demanded again. The energy inside him was starting to dissipate, but it still felt freaky.
Ulquiorra raised his head to give him a look. “I have no idea what you are talking about.” Ichigo was being difficult, and Cifer seized his head to kiss him. Ichigo answered reluctantly at first then with more and more fervor. Ulquiorra grabbed him by his thighs, pulling his ass up, and the redhead raised his hips, helping him to slide back in. Round two commenced.
The second time the energy entered Ichigo, he experienced something like an orgasm. Not quite, but it was close to that. Panting, he waited for the other man to pull out. His whole body felt like warm jelly. He lowered his legs off Ulquiorra’s shoulders and onto the mattress. Only then did Ichigo become aware of the lack of sperm. There simply wasn’t any. Stunned, he groped himself then his stomach. Nothing, absolutely dry.
“Hm?” Ulquiorra wondered. “Up for more?”
“Where’s the…cum?” Ichigo asked. He raised himself on his elbows to take a look at Cifer’s now flaccid member. Nothing again – no wetness.
“Where is what?”
“The cum, for gods’ sakes!”
Then it dawned on Ulquiorra that he perhaps knew what the redhead was talking about. “Do you mean ‘semen’?”
“Yes!”
“That’s something that only Human bodies produce. I happened to see it once in the Living World. It was weird.”
“Weird?” Ichigo suddenly felt panic rising up his throat. “Weird?!” he repeated, his eyes wide now. “Please tell me that this isn’t how Hollows or Shinigamis reproduce… You just swap energy, don’t you? Oh gods… Don’t tell me…”
Ulquiorra was giving him a curious look. Then he started to grin. “Relax. As a male, you lack the reproductive organs to carry. I would not mind, though.”
“I would!” Ichigo shrieked at him. He suddenly felt somehow cheated, humiliated, exploited even. His first instinct was to close his legs and push Ulquiorra away from himself.
“Calm down,” Ulquiorra said, trying to grasp what exactly was the redhead’s problem. “Calm down. I meant you no harm.”
“I know you didn’t!” Ichigo spat, jumping out of the bed. He started wrapping himself back into his Shinigami robe. He didn’t even understand himself what he was so upset about. “I need to…ehh… I don’t know!”
Ulquiorra watched him for a few moments. “You are incredibly difficult,” he summed up his thoughts.
“Yes, now it’s about time I return to…”
“You are not going anywhere,” Ulquiorra declared, suddenly grabbing the end of the sash that Ichigo had already wrapped around his waist. The redhead stumbled and he grabbed him by his midsection. In a second Ichigo found himself back in the bed, Ulquiorra’s arms around him. “Have a nap. Everything will be fine after a nap.”
Ichigo wanted to protest this kind of logic but then realized that it might just be what he needed – a few hours of rest. “Fine,” he said, giving in.
_ _ _
Grimmjow had circled the shack a few times but his gut feeling was telling him that he was unwelcome. He hadn’t found anything to help fix the wall either. It had already been a lost cause even before starting the quest. So he sat down farther away from the hut and waited for some life signs to show. Some time later he saw Cifer leave the shack and head towards him.
Ulquiorra was sitting on the sand, near the shack, leaning at the wall, his head reclined, staring at the large moon. From afar, he looked like a lonely dog that wanted to howl at the top of its lungs. There was a strange expression on his face that the Arrancar couldn’t read.
“Is it love?” Grimmjow asked curiously, sitting down next to Ulquiorra.
Ulquiorra continued to stare at the moon wordlessly. Then he shifted abruptly. “No, you fool, it’s a moon,” he said, getting up. He dusted his clothes off and turned the corner.
Grimmjow heard him climb over the hole in the wall. He sniggered at the moon. “Exactly which one of us is the fool here?”
_ _ _
Since there was no visual difference in the passage of time in Hueco Mundo, Ichigo had no idea how long he had slept. He was alone in the bed, and the house, as far as he could tell, was empty as well. He got up, got his clothes in order and went outside. Cifer was near the shack, standing right next to the tree.
Ulquiorra was…talking to the tree? Ichigo wasn’t exactly surprised but he made sure to double-check and was somewhat relieved to find that Cifer was actually talking to Grimmjow, who was leaning against the other side of it.
“I thought you were talking to the tree,” he informed Ulquiorra good-naturedly after having approached them.
Ulquiorra gave him a look then his eyes set back on Grimmjow. “There is certainly not much difference.”
Grimmjow rolled his eyes. “Just so you know – he does talk to trees.”
“Yeah, I kinda figured he does,” Ichigo agreed. “Keeping in mind that he willingly converged with one in the past… Ugh. Well, as long as they don’t talk back.”
Cifer shrugged. “They sometimes do.”
Grimmjow laughed. “And what do they say?”
“That you are utter nuisance.”
Jaegerjaquez grunted. “I’m so wishing for an ax next time…”
“Are you alright?” Ulquiorra asked the redhead.
Ichigo nodded. “Yes, I’m fine. I’m sorry. I kind of… I don’t know. I suppose it was a bit overwhelming.”
Grimmjow sniggered. “Fucked him silly, haven’t you? I didn’t know you had it in you, Cifer.”
“Leave us.”
The Arrancar sniggered again but pushed himself off the tree and walked off further into the desert. The other two men watched him walking away.
“Um…” Ichigo muttered once Grimmjow was out of earshot. He found it quite awkward and embarrassing to be standing in front of Ulquiorra. What now? They’d just slept together, a couple of times in fact, but what of it? He suddenly felt that he was blushing stupidly. “I suppose I should return to the Living World,” he muttered and felt at once that his voice sounded a little defensive.
“Running away? Why?”
Ichigo ended up shrugging. “I’m not really running away. This is…eh… I’m not used to these kinds of situations.”
“So you are running away instead,” Ulquiorra reaffirmed.
“Well, what do you suggest, then?”
“More sex. I am certain that you can spare some more time for that.”
The redhead burst out laughing. “Well, yeah, I’m sure I can,” he agreed easily.
They returned into the house and went straight towards the bed. Ichigo shook his clothes off without wasting any time, but Cifer wanted to take things more slowly. Perhaps he believed that way he would have more chance in taming the redhead. His hands slid over Ichigo’s sides, his fingers feeling his chest and ribs. The redhead had gained more weight and they weren’t protruding so sharply as he remembered from back then when he had stayed in the Human World. Apparently, now Ichigo felt less stressed than back then.
Ulquiorra was still fully clothed and, to make the matters more equal, Ichigo reached out for his sash. Cifer brushed his hands off and guided them into the bed instead. Ichigo was surprised at the slow and gentle pace the other man had set up. He hadn’t exactly expected this from him.
At first, Ulquiorra’s wandering hands felt ticklish but soon grew into sparks of pleasure wherever his fingers touched him. Soon the hands turned south, avoided his already hard and upright cock and slid in between his thighs, making him squirm.
“Mm…” Ichigo sighed in pleasure when the hands went up again and seized his cock. Ulquiorra stroked him languidly, without hurry.
Cifer let go of him and finally shed his hakama. The sight of a red, engorged erection made the Hollow in Ichigo growl. It was an aggressive, wild manifestation and both Ichigo and Ulquiorra froze in unexpectedness. The look on Cifer’s face, however, was vastly different from that of shock on Ichigo’s. Cifer’s eyes narrowed while his lips stretched into a smirk – the other Vasto Lorde was challenging him. Ulquiorra thought it amusing. The other was caged and trapped inside the redhead. Ichigo hadn’t come to terms with himself. This wasn’t the first time that the redhead had ignored the Hollow origin in himself.
The foreign Hollow’s presence disappeared as soon as it had appeared, but it left an unpleasant aftertaste in Ichigo. Ulquiorra, though, quickly made him concentrate back on the pleasure. The sight of the other man’s red, engorged member did stir Ichigo up and he reached out to it. His lust skyrocketed at the feeling of it pulsing in his hand.
“Turn around,” Ulquiorra said softly. He saw reluctance in Ichigo’s eyes. Yet, a squeeze here, a touch there, a few whispers and encouragements managed to coax the redhead to get on all fours. Cifer could sense embarrassment coming from the redhead. He wondered whether the redhead had ever tried this position with his woman in the past. He probably had, only that he had never been on the receiving end before.
Ulquiorra’s palm slid over the redhead’s back, pressing his shoulders down, making him lower his upper body. His face burning, Ichigo pressed his forehead into the mattress while his ass rose into the air. Ulquiorra’s left hand gripped his waist and he felt his cock pressing against his ass and then it slid into him. It felt familiar now, not as foreign as it had the first time. He realized that now he enjoyed the act of penetration itself. His face flushed even more.
Ulquiorra started to move and Ichigo exhaled loudly. Relaxing, he let the other use his body as he wished. Soon his world narrowed down to the cock drilling his ass, the demanding hands on his waist and breathless grunts above him. His own dick felt as if it was about to explode while the rest of his body was weightless. He was about to come when Cifer’s right hand left his waist and slid up his spine and to the back of his neck. His fingers settled there, searching for a certain spot. Then, once they found it, he pressed against it gently. Ichigo was already about to come, but the warm and pleasant energy discharges that started to spread from the back of his neck into his spine and head made his mind completely blank with desire. Vaguely, he felt the shift. Being so high, however, he didn’t quite register it. The amount of energy seeping into him had increased as well and he could only wallow in that sea of pleasure that he had been thrown into. The orgasm eluded him as well – it was as if he had been suspended at the highest point.
And then the shift was complete, and it was too late already.
“No!” Ichigo gasped out in horror. “No, don’t! N…”
And then he was thrown into the backseat of his body. At first, he could still feel everything changing: his senses, his perception and finally his body. Then the Vasto Lorde took over completely and everything went black.
_ _ _
When Ichigo came to, his whole body hurt so much that he curled into a ball. Shaking and groaning in pain, he forced himself to take a look around. He was still on the bed but all around it there were broken planks, smashed logs, dented roof tin, and destroyed furniture. The hut was no more. He was lying naked on the bed amidst its ruins and the sea of sand. There was nothing above him but the black and white Hueco Mundo sky.
Something shifted behind him and, startled, Ichigo turned. The sudden movement made the pain slam into his forehead like a lead hammer. Doubling over, he moved his upper body over the edge of the bed and retched.
“Are you alright?”
“Fuck you!” Ichigo heaved. “Do I look alright to you? Why the fuck did you do that?!”
Cifer rubbed the younger man’s back soothingly while he was taken over by another stomach spasm. He wasn’t certain what exactly Ichigo was asking him.
“What happened?” Ichigo suddenly asked instead.
“There was a fight.”
“I can fucking see that! After that!”
“Then we had sex.”
Wiping his mouth, Ichigo turned to him. “You and he?”
Cifer seemed to be confused for a moment. Ichigo sounded as if he had betrayed him. That was somewhat amusing. “You do realize that you and ‘he’ is one?”
“No, we are not!”
Ulquiorra decided not to argue; Ichigo still looked to be out of it and was obviously in a lot of pain. “You need to rest now.”
“Fuck you!” Ichigo spat. He rolled out of the bed. Trying not to step in his own vomit or skewer his feet on random nails jutting out of planks, he looked around for his clothes. He saw a sleeve of his Shinigami robe protruding from under the debris and reached out for it. His vision suddenly went dark and he dropped to his knees, banging one painfully against a stray log. “Ow! Fuck!”

Ulquiorra grabbed him by his waist, lifted and Ichigo found himself back in the bed. A second later his robe landed on top of him, covering him.
“You are in no condition to move around,” Ulquiorra stated the obvious. “Rest.”
“Fuck you.”
“You keep repeating that and I will just do that.”
Ichigo closed his eyes with a growl. His head was spinning. He couldn’t remember the last time he had felt so awful. There was really nothing else he could do but try and rest. Cursing and grimacing, he tried to settle down. It took some time for the pain and sickness to subside, but he finally managed to fall asleep.
When the redhead woke up, he felt much better. There was still something buzzing in his head and his thoughts felt fuzzy and disjointed but the excruciating pain was no more.
“Do you feel better?”
Ichigo turned to face Ulquiorra. He wanted to tell the man to fuck off again but the worried look on Ulquiorra’s face stopped him. “Yeah, much better.”
Cifer could sense anger, fear and confusion brewing in the redhead.
“I am sorry I had to do it.”
Ichigo snarled and turned away; Cifer even apologized like an asshole.
Another wave of foreign anger hit Cifer and he realized that he didn’t know what to do about it. Apologizing was the only thing he could think of. But that hadn’t been enough to quench Kurosaki’s anger. He had never been in this kind of a situation before. It certainly didn’t feel pleasant.
“You do realize that we needed to resolve that sooner or later?”
“Shut up.”
Ulquiorra did shut up. He kept quiet while Ichigo lay next to him and stared at the dark sky. Instead of having dressed his Shinigami robe, he still was wrapped in it. At least, unlike the previous time, Ichigo wasn’t trying to leave.
Ichigo was painfully aware of Ulquiorra’s quiet presence beside himself. The man didn’t apologize or try to justify himself anymore. Ichigo hadn’t even expected him to but it still got on his nerves. He understood why Ulquiorra had done it, but it angered him that he had done it that way, without ever consulting him. Then again, it wouldn’t have been possible if he had known: try and relax when you know that you’re about to turn into a Hollow.
“What did he say?” Ichigo asked reluctantly.
“Not a word. Broke my arm, nose, a couple of ribs and nearly fucked me to death.”
Ichigo’s head had turned to him and he was staring at him. There was so much horror and confusion in his eyes that Ulquiorra couldn’t help reaching out to his face. His hand froze on Ichigo’s cheek, not sure what to do next.
“High Speed Regeneration,” Ichigo exhaled suddenly.
Ulquiorra nodded and patted the redhead’s cheek awkwardly.
“That was rape.”
Cifer chuckled and shook his head. “No, not at all. Both of us had a great time.”
Dubious, Ichigo blinked at him slowly. “Huh… So he accepted you?”
Ulquiorra shrugged. “Well, I was clearly shown who is superior.” He still couldn’t get used to how desperately and forcefully Ichigo was trying to keep his Hollow part separate. If Ichigo had come to terms with who he was and accepted it, there wouldn’t have been the need to do what he had done in the first place. “You won’t be bothered anymore,” he said, instead of voicing his thoughts.
Ichigo shifted to lean against the headboard. He wanted to curse Ulquiorra and thank him at the same time. His lips quivered, opening lightly but then he thought better of it and just leaned his shoulder against the other man.
“It could have ended really badly.”
Ulquiorra didn’t say anything as it was the truth. He had been willing to risk it, though.
“Promise me that you’ll never do that again.”
“I promise.”
Well, that had been easy. Ichigo sighed. He could only hope that Cifer wouldn’t break his word as easily as he had given it.
TBC
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The Heart in My Hand