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Poker causes pregnancy	By : picabone99 Category: Bleach > Yaoi - Male/Male > Grimmjow/Ichigo Views: 5688 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I absolutely DO NOT own Bleach or its characters. This story is strictly for fun, NOT for profit.

Chapter List
- 1-Poker causes pregnancy
- 2-2
- 3-3
- 4-4
- 5-5
- 6-6
- 7-7
- 8-8
- 9-9
- 10-10
- 11-11
- 12-12
- 13-13
- 14-14
- 15-15
- 16-16
- 17-17
- 18-18
- 19-19
- 20-20
- 21-21
- 22-epilogue
- 23-christmas bonus
- 24-explination bonus
- 22
- 23
- 24
Isshin hummed Christmas songs to himself, occasionally breaking into words, as he hung garland near the ceiling of the room. As he hung the last length up, Isshin couldn't be happier with himself. His first Christmas with his grandchildren, it was going to be perfect. He looked around the room and took in the rest of the decorations, including the Christmas tree that he still needed to finish hanging the ornaments on. Heading over to a box sitting on the floor beside the tree, Isshin reached in and proceeded to finish hanging up the remaining ornaments. Isshin held up the last ornament before his eyes, rememberance clouding his eyes as he thought back to when Ichigo had given the macaroni angel to Masaki.
A buzzing sound from the kitchen drew him back from the depths of his memory, alerting Isshin to the fact that if he didn't get his butt into the kitchen and remove the cookies from the oven, he would be serving gingerbread briquettes later. Quickly hanging the angel on an available branch, Isshin hustled himself over to the stove. Grabbing an oven mitt, Isshin opened the oven door and removed the last batch of cookies. Isshin was pleased to note that the cookies were none the worse for the slight delay in removing them, as he set the cookie sheet on a cooling rack. He beamed at the thought of Yuzu's pleasure over the fact that the cut-outs she left for him to take care of, were all baked to crisp perfection. Just then the door opened, revealing the object of his thoughts.
"YUZU! MY PRECIOUS BABY GIRL! DADDY DID JUST WHAT YOU ASKED HIM TO DO AND BAKED THE COOKIES YOU MADE WITH LOVE IN EVERY BITE!"
*THUD*
Karin dropped Isshin to the floor with a well placed boot to the head as he charged the door the two girls were currently standing in. Karin removed her footwear and turned to Yuzu, lifting the shopping bags out of her hands, and completely ignoring Isshin who was laying on the floor before them.
"Yuzu, I'll take these and drop 'em off in the kitchen for you, 'kay?" Karin didn't give her sister a chance to answer, taking the bags out of her arms, then proceeding to walk over top of the body laying on the ground in front of her.
"Hai, Karin. Thank you," Yuzu called after her sister as she bent down to remove her own shoes. "Daddy, you are going to catch a chill if you continue to nap on the floor."
Isshin immediately sprung up, "OH! MY SWEET, DARLI-OW!" Karin had come up behind him and kicked him in the back of his leg, and since Karin was the top soccer player in the prefecture, she had some power to put behind it.
"Shut it, Goat-face! You will keep to a normal, indoor volume or so help me, I will tell Kuchiki-sama that it was your idea for Uryu and Rukia to elope, because you felt it was your right to, since you feel that Rukia is another daughter to you."
Isshin blanched at the thought of what the Kuchiki clan head would do to him if he thought that Isshin had had anything to do with the elopement. Rumor had it that Byakuya was beyond furious upon being informed of the fact that Uryu and Rukia had a Hawaiian beach wedding two days ago and he was looking for the head of whomever had encouraged the two to exchange vows without going through a formal, noble clan ceremony. Isshin let out a shudder at the thought. Hopefully Renji could calm Byakuya down before Uryu and Rukia came back from their vacation/honeymoon in a week.
"OF COAR...I mean, of coarse my sweet, devious daughter. How smart you are, just like your mother. Now if you will excuse me, I'll just go check on Ichigo's room and make sure it's set up for him, Grimmjow, and the twins." Isshin knew he took the coward's way out, as he stood and walked off, but he really had no desire to go up against a pissed off nobleman. Especially one that was friends with Yorouchi. Isshin felt a shudder rack his frame and ran the rest of the way to Ichigo's old room.
A few hours later, Yuzu had almost finished making dinner, Karin was setting the table, and Isshin was in his clinic, putting it back in order after having been called in for an emergency, when knocking was heard coming from the front door. The door was opened immediately following the noise.
"Hey all! Merry Christmas!" Ichigo called out as he opened the door for himself and then held it open for the tall, teal-haired man behind him. After kicking off his shoes while holding a fussy baby in his hands, Ichigo then made his way into the living room.
"Ichi-nii! It's wonderful to see you! And I'm so glad your family was able to come also," Yuzu chirped at him from the kitchen.
"Thanks, Yuzu. Could you excuse me for a minute before we do anything else? Aymeric needs a diaper change," Ichigo hefted the eight months old baby a little higher into his arms.
"ICHIGO! MY BEAUTIFUL FEMININE SON!" Isshin hollered out as he raced down the stairs. "PLE-"
*THUD*
Isshin looked up from the floor at Karin, who was holding her foot over his face.
"Want to try that again, Goat-Face? Or should I contact Kuchiki-sama?"
"Heh, heh," Isshin sheepishly rubbed at the back of his neck and cautiously stood back up. "It's great to see you Ichigo. Please allow me to change him for you while you help settle Grimmjow and Amaterasu." Isshin held out his hands to a perplexed Ichigo, who handed over the now-crying baby before pushing his long orange hair out of the way again.
"Grandpa Isshin knows just what to do," Isshin crooned at the blue haired, golden eyed baby as he walked up the stairs to Ichigo's old room.
"Hold it old man. Yer fergitten somethin'," Grimmjow said from the doorway where he was still taking off his coat, not being in as much of a hurry as Ichigo since Amaterasu was sleeping happily in his arms.
"Oh? What's that?"
"Diapers," Grimmjow said with a feral grin on his face, holding out the diaper bag.
Isshin flushed a deep shade of red before walking back to grab the bag. Diaper bag now firmly in hand, Isshin excused himself upstairs.
Ichigo shrugged and returned to the entrance so he could remove his own coat. Grimmjow passed him and walked over to stand near the kitchen. Once his coat was removed, Ichigo joined his mate and daughter.
"Is there anything I can do to help, Yuzu?"
"No, but thanks for asking Ichi-nii. You got here just in time, everything is done and as soon as Daddy comes back down with Aymeric, I'll have him say a blessing, then I'll set the food on the table and we can start eating."
Just then there was a shout from upstairs. Looking vaguely alarmed, Ichigo and Grimmjow walked over to the stairs. Before they could begin going upstairs however, Isshin was coming down, holding Aymeric out and away from his body, instead of snuggling him the way he was earlier.
"What happened Goat-Face? Is everything alright?" Ichigo asked as he reached out for his son.
"Everything is just fine, my son. Now, if you will all excuse me for a mi-"
"You can leave in a minute," Karin interrupted. "Yuzu is ready to serve the food but wants to have you say a blessing before she sets it on the table. There will be time after that for you to duck out for a minute."
"Fine." Isshin moved the rest of the way into the well lit room, out from the shadowy stair well. Ichigo couldn't stop the snicker that burst out from him at the sight of the wet shirt Isshin was now wearing. Grimmjow looked extremely amused as well, before asking,
"Weren't fast enough, were ya?"
"Fast enough for what Daddy?" Yuzu asked as they approached where she was standing in the kitchen.
Ichigo and Grimmjow exchanged an amused look as Isshin ignored Yuzu and instead spoke words of thanks for the food and a healthy family gathered together. Once he was done he disappeared from the room so fast that it gave the illusion that he had used flashstep. Ichigo and Grimmjow couldn't hold back any longer, and burst into great peals of laughter, leaning into one another and clutching at the babies in their arms.
"What's so funny?" Karin asked as she made her way to the table, carrying a large ham.
"Aymeric, um...'christened'...Isshin. He doesn't like being cold, at all, so if you don't change the diaper extremely fast, he'll, well, pee on you," Ichigo explained. "Grimmjow and I have gotten very fast at diaper changes. And we keep a spare shirt in the diaper bag when we travel."
The loud laughter had caused Amateratsu to wake up and start crying. Grimmjow was now bouncing her in his arms, trying to calm down the teal-eyed, strawberry blond girl. Her loud cries upset her brother, making him cry as well, and causing Ichigo to bounce Aymeric as well in an attempt to calm him down.
"Can we eat now? I know both of them are hungry, since it's a little past the time they are used to getting fed," Ichigo asked.
"Hai, just buckle them into the highchairs Daddy bought, and help yourself. I cooked up unseasoned, pureed food for them since you told me they are on some solids now. The blue bowl is sweet potato, the red bowl is strawberry bannana, and the green bowl is a rice porridge with a bit of ham in it. I hope that it is alright?" Yuzu replied.
"Hell ya. Yer amazin', Yuzu. We'll hafta get ya ta cook fer the kids more often. Beats tha hell outa store bought crap," Grimmjow replied, his eyes glowing at the thought of homemade food for his children. Grimmjow loved his family and did all he could to spoil them, still having trouble believing his good fortune in securing Ichigo and Shiro as his mates, then Ichigo giving birth to twin cubs.
It wasn't until Amaterasu and Aymeric were securely strapped down into the highchairs and everyone else had sat down at the table, passing dishes around and filling plates, that Isshin finally made his re-appearance. Sitting down at the head of the table next to Amaterasu, Isshin smiled sheepishly before answering the unspoken question he could see on the other's faces.
"I thought that maybe a quick shower was in order before I rejoined everyone," Isshin ran his fingers through his damp hair before turning to smile with more confidence at Amaterasu. "How about letting Grandpa Isshin feed you Yuzu's yummy Christmas dinner? You can feel the love in every bite of food she makes."
Ichigo rolled his eyes at his dad from the other side of the highchair, but handed over the spoon and plate with no comment. Getting a chance to eat a meal while it was still hot was a huge incentive to keep his mouth shut. Dinner proceeded rather well after that. Yuzu, seeing that Ichigo and Grimmjow had no objections to someone else feeding their daughter, took over feeding their son, letting the two parents have a chance to eat without interruption. All was going well until the end of the meal. Isshin was leaning over Amaterasu's tray, putting his face right in front of hers after he had just given her a spoonful of the potatoes, when she gave a great big sneeze, sending potato puree all over his face and down his shirt. All the rest of the table's occupents broke out in loud laughter at the sight of Isshin covered in orange goop from his hair line, all the way down his face, and onto his shirt.
"If you will all excuse me. I think I need to clean up again," Ishhin said as he stood up.
"I think another shower is in order too, Goat-Face," Ichigo said, managing to get the words out in between bouts of laghter.
Once Isshin left, Ichigo went and retrieved a dish cloth from the kitchen and used it to clean up his children. While Ichigo was doing this, Grimmjow helped clear the table. By the time Isshin returned, everyone had sat back down around the newly cleaned table, with Ichigo holding his daughter on his lap and Grimmjow placing some toys onto Aymeric's highchair tray. Karin had a deck of cards and was expertly suffling them in front of her.
"Grimmjow, I don't know if Ichigo told you or not, but a tradition in this family is to play card games for an hour or so, once the meal is over and the table has been cleared," Karin said as she began dealing out. "It may take a little longer this year, since you're here now. The rules are simple, we go around the table once and everyone gets a chance to call out their favorite game. If it's a game for points, 100 points are the maximum allowed. Once your game ends, pass the deck. Simple really. Since I dealt first, it's my choice. And I choose...Bullshit!"
Grimmjow looked so shocked at the swear word Karin uttered that it caused Ichigo to laugh until he had the hiccups. Yuzu calmly explained 'Bullshit' was the name of the game and proceeded to tell Grimmjow how it was played. Once Karin's game was over, Yuzu picked Knurts. When they finished that, it was time for Ichigo to deal. However he still had Amaterasu on his lap, and she made it quite clear, in a very loud fashion, that she in no way, shape, or form, wanted to be put back into her highchair. Isshin grinned, seeing his chance for a bit of cuddling with his precious grandbaby.
"I'll hold her! She needs more vitamin-G, for Grandpa," Isshin practically bounced in his seat, trying to hold in his exuberance and not yell out everything else he wanted to. Ichigo sighed and handed over his daughter, who was happy with sitting in another lap and not a highchair. Isshin beamed down at his happily cooing and babbling grandchild as she waved her hands around and fidgeted on his lap. He barely paid any attention to Ichigo when he called out 'Spoons' as his card game, consequently causing him to lose every round. When Grimmjow's turn arrived, he decided to play poker, with people betting points instead of money. It was during this game that Isshin became aware of a warmth on his lap and a lingering odor in the air.
"Um, Ichigo. I think your girl needs some attention. And after what happened earlier with your son, I feel it would be for the best if you or Grimmjow handled it."
"Ya sure, old man. I got it, Ichi-berry," Grimmjow folded his hand and stood up. Walking over to Isshin, Grimmjow picked up his happy little girl and promptly called out.
"Ichi-babe, we got a slight problem. 'Rasu oozed out again."
Ichigo whipped his head around until he was facing his mate, taking in the sight of a brown stain spreading up his daughter's back. "What? AGAIN! Damn it! I'm glad we brought the bigger sized diapers with us. I can't believe how fast they're growing. Sorry Yuzu, Karin. Please excuse us, we need to get her cleaned up. Please watch Aymeric for us and we'll make it quick," Ichigo stood up and moved away from the table, following after Grimmjow as he made his way upstairs and into the bathroom.
Isshin looked down at his lap and grimaced at the sight of baby poo on his shirt and pants. When he heard the tub turn on, Isshin heaved an enormous sigh and resigned himself to waiting until the tub and shower were free again.
About fifteen minutes later, Ichigo came back downstairs with Amaterasu in his arms, now dressed in her pajamas. Grimmjow following closely behind, pulling on a clean shirt.
"My turn!" Isshin shouted and jumped up from his chair, sprinting up the stairs and into the bathroom, not paying any attention whatsoever to the laughter following up the stairs after him.
By the time Isshin was showered, dressed, and back down again, everyone had moved to the living room and was snacking on the cookies that Yuzu had made and Isshin had baked. Karin was sitting in a recliner with Amaterasu on her lap, Yuzu was handing around the cookies, and Ichigo was sitting on the sofa with Grimmjow and Aymeric. Drawing a deep breath, Isshin marched over to the sofa and sat down beside Grimmjow, who was currently holding Aymeric.
"SO MY PRE-" Isshin interrupted himself at the sight of the look Karin was sending his way. Clearing his throat, Isshin began again. "So, Grimmjow. Could I trouble you to hand over my PRECIOUS GRAN, um. Can I hold Aymeric?"
Grimmjow shrugged and handed over his son. Isshin beamed as he got his hands on his grandson again. Settling Aymeric securely on his lap and wrapping his arms around the baby, Isshin was once again oblivious to everything else going on around him, completely mesmerized by the baby babble pouring forth from the little one on his lap.
Ichigo and Grimmjow shared a look at the sight of Isshin and Ichigo let a smirk spread across his lips. Ichigo had told Grimmjow that Isshin would be completely calm with a baby in his lap, but Grimmjow didn't believe him, so much so that he had bet Ichigo a week's worth of night duty for the babies. Grimmjow grimmaced at the sight of Ichigo's smirk, knowing that he had a week of getting up in the middle of the night to take care of the babies, without waking Ichigo up.
Grimmjow sighed, then laughed at himself. Throwing his arm over Ichigo's shoulder, and using his hand to pull the lithe male flush against his body, Grimmjow planted a kiss onto his mate's forehead, vowing to stop making bets with Ichigo. After all, Ichigo never made a bet unless he was sure of the outcome.
While the two mates were involved in cuddling each other, Isshin stood up and started tossing Aymeric up into the air. Ichigo was so involved with Grimmjow that he didn't notice what Isshin was doing until he heard Karin's exclaimation.
"EWWW! That's so GROSS!"
Ichigo and Grimmjow immediately focused their attention on Isshin. Ichigo felt his jaw drop open in shock at the sight of his father. Beside him, Grimmjow was doubled over in laughter, gasping and shaking as he tried to draw air into his lungs. Standing up, Ichigo moved over to his father, taking in the sight of Isshin covered in barf, from head to toes.
"You were tossing him or something similar, weren't you," Ichigo stated, rather than asked. "Aymeric tends to throw up if he gets to riled up within an hour or so of eating. Hand him over. I need to put him in his pajamas anyway, and you need to clean up. Again."
As Isshin went to go upstairs yet again, he couldn't stop the heartfelt words from bursting out. "WHY, OH WHY, ARE MY PRECIOUS, BEAUTIFUL GRANDBABIES ALLERGIC TO ME?" Isshin was so upset by this point that he completely ignored Karin, who was trying to get his attention and shut him up. "OH MASAKI! WHAT SHALL I DO?" By this point, Isshin was wailing and kneeling in front of Masaki's poster.
"Damn it, ya old goat!" Shiro yelled, poping out into the room from inside Ichigo's inner world. "I was asleep! What tha fuck do ya think yer doin'? I'm gonna pound ya!" Shiro took a step closer to Isshin only to be yanked back, falling onto Grimmjow's lap , where he promptly snuggled in and began to purr. Ichigo leaned into Grimmjow's side and set his hand on Shiro's leg for comfort.
"Um...What's going on?" Isshin looked hard at the threesome on the couch, especially at the albino version of Ichigo.
"This is why I didn't want you acting like a spazz today. Ichigo called me up last week and gave me the heads up that you needed to be reigned in. He said in no way, shape, or form should Shiro be pissed off. Ichi said they would explain tonight."
Everyone now looked at the threesome sitting on the couch, questions filling their eyes.
Ichigo turned an inquistive look at Grimmjow, getting a nod in return. "Shiro went into heat three weeks ago. Szayel confirmed two weeks ago that Shiro is pregnant. Surprise!"
Isshin's face lit up and he jumped up from the floor, where he had been kneeling before Masaki's poster. "I'M GOING TO BE A GRANDFATHER AGAIN! YES! YES! OH MASAKI! OUR DARLING, PRECIO-"
*THUD*THUD*THUD*
Karin kicked out repeatedly, causing Isshin to bounce off the floor a few times. Looking down at his now unconscious form, Karin wiped her baby-barf covered foot off on a clean section of Isshin's shirt. Karin's face then filled with an evil grin. "He knew the consequences for breaking our deal. Now it's time to arrange for Byakuya to hear that Rukia's and Uryu's elopement was all his idea."
"Was it really?" Ichigo looked highly intrigued at the thought.
"No idea. But Toshiro will appreciate having someone to throw under the bus. And if Goat-Face is busy avoiding Byakuya, then Tosh and I can finally get in a few good dates without being interrupted."
Ichigo felt a smile at the thought of Isshin being hunted down by Byakuya and began to laugh. Only his family could have such a Christmas, and as he snuggled into the arms of his mate and twin, he realised that he wouldn't have it any other way.
Far away, in the Seireitei, Byakuya was cuddling in bed with his new husband, thankful that Yamamoto was willing to marry them with such short notice. He would have to thank Uryu and Rukia for agreeing to the elopement he had suggested. It was just the thing to distract the clan elders with, allowing him to marry Renji. By the time the clan elders found out they were married, it would be too late to do anything about it.
Byakuya smiled and kissed Renji's sleeping head. 'Happy Christmas to me,' he thought.
Yes, I have experienced everything written herein that involved baby-bodily functions. Including a time where my 4 month old son decided that the scent of clean clothing on me, was nauseating. Just me, no one else. He barfed on all 7 shirts I had packed for the trip in 20 minutes.
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Poker causes pregnancy