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Romance and Rivalries	By : Kinnikuman Category: Bleach > AU - Alternate Universe Views: 2658 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: Neither author owns or holds any rights to "Bleach". No profit is made from this fanfiction.

Chapter List
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Chapter Twenty-One
By Rob

“Is something the matter, Kira-kun?”
Kira jumped slightly in his seat, as he looked around to see all eyes on him. It seemed he must have entered a daze because he hadn’t been aware of the conversation going on around him at all.
He’d obviously switched off. His mind had left the room entirely as he began to daydream and ponder all the things going on in his life, after a few seconds the conversation had become just a mild drone to his ears and he’d been busy planning out his next few days, along with trying to solve the problem of Shuhei. It had been a peacefully few minutes of simply self-meditating, and he had completely forgotten about where he was! He certainly hadn’t noticed that he’d been giving off bad vibes and had caused the other guests to worry about him! It was as if Aizen’s voice had came from nowhere, and it had forced him from his private thoughts in a rather abrupt way, it not only disturbed him but forced him back to reality. It was actually rather disorientating. Suddenly he was alert, awake and panicking as he realised he had no idea what everyone had been discussing just moments before. He hadn’t meant to be so rude, he really hadn’t! In seconds he’d gone from being in a world of his own to sat at a dinner-table filled mostly with strangers, each one looking at him as if it was his fault the previous conversation had died, and maybe it was . . .
He really hadn’t been paying attention to his surroundings in the slightest. Sure it was rude, but he couldn’t help it. He really couldn’t! He knew that this dinner had meant a lot to Gin, it was so important to his boyfriend that he met Gin’s father-figure, and he could understand that – he really could! It was just that . . . well, as much as he really wanted to make Gin happy, he didn’t actually want to be there, and that wasn’t because he didn’t love Gin, or care about his family, or any other negative reason, it was just because he was so damned tired.
When he’d agreed to the meal on Friday afternoon all he’d had to worry about was a hangover that wouldn’t go away, and cleaning up the mess Rangiku had left in the kitchen, he’d been nervous but ultimately there’d been no real reason to say no, but now -! Now he had a whole day’s worth of schoolwork to catch up on, essays to write, – and essays to mark seeing as he’d found himself as Gin’s unofficial assistant – friends to see, and that was completely forgetting the fact Shuhei-sempai was at home still grieving the loss of his relationship. Truthfully he’d felt really guilty about leaving his friend, but Shuhei had insisted that he should keep his promise to his ‘mystery lover’ and head to the dinner. Sure, Shuhei might have said he was fine, but Kira couldn’t help but feel that he wasn’t, after all the man was much too stubborn to admit to feeling depressed or down, even if it was so damned obvious! What worried Kira the most was what if Shuhei took advantage of his absence and called Kensei-san, or decided to get back with him? It worried him that his friend could want to be in such an abusive relationship, and it felt like his responsibility to stop it, to make sure that Shuhei was safe. It was impossible for him not to be distracted! Every moment he sat eating his main course was a moment that Shuhei needed him, and a moment he was neglecting his friend for his own selfish desire to please his boyfriend! Oh, and now he felt guilty for putting Shuhei first over Gin’s needs! Life really wasn’t fair!
“If something is the matter, Kira-kun,” came the sweet singsong voice of Aizen, as he smiled brightly and cocked his head to one side, “then please tell me so that I may correct the fault.”
“O-Oh! No, it’s nothing Aizen-sama! I-I’m just feeling a little under the weather . . . that’s all . . . I’m sorry.”
“There is no need to apologise. If you find yourself needing to rest then I can have one of the servants set up a room for you to relax in, do not hesitate to ask if need be.”
“Th-Thank you, Aizen-sama.”
Yeah, because that hadn’t been humiliating at all . . . It took all his strength not to groan loudly and slip two feet down his seat, his nerves were really beginning to get the better of him, and he felt so embarrassed for causing a mild scene. He wanted to look across the table at Gin for reassurance, but he was so scared! He couldn’t bear to turn to his boyfriend only to see a look of disapproval, disgust or embarrassment . . . not that he thought Gin was that kind of person! After all he loved the silver-haired man very much, and he knew that the man was decent and kind-hearted, but Gin had meant this meal to introduce Kira to one of the most important people in his life, and so everything Kira did was a reflection on his boyfriend. If he did or said something inappropriate then it’d be Gin the guests would look at oddly or judge, wondering what he was doing with some uneducated heathen. He just couldn’t bear to bring his boyfriend that kind of shame! It just wasn’t fair, not when Gin had always been so kind and loving to him, not when he’d already done so much for him . . .
He bit his lip as he glanced around the large table, hoping he was being somewhat subtle as he examined each person in turn. He was already so nervous, his heart beating a million beats per minute in his chest until the point he thought it’d go so fast it might stop, and his lips suddenly felt incredibly dry and his palms incredibly sweaty. He was also pretty close to hyperventilating too. Luckily no one had seemed to notice, or if they had they were too polite to mention it to his face.
At the head of the table sat Aizen-sama in a rather expensive, crisp, new business-suit with his hair loose and casual, and his glasses emphasising his rather expressive, brown eyes. He looked completely different to the photographs in the magazines that Momo fawned over, and Kira couldn’t help but wonder if the man was merely putting on an act to win his trust. Kira himself was sitting at the man’s left hand side with Gin sitting opposite him, on Aizen’s right. Gin had taken to dressing rather casually considering how important the meal was, dressed in his favourite red sweater and combining it with some formal, black trousers. It made him wonder . . . did Gin really feel comfortable dressing so casually, or could he just not afford the same kind of formal wear that everyone else at the table could? Next to Kira sat a man called Komamura, who seemed – like Kira – to be there merely out of obligation to his boyfriend, and opposite Komamura sat next to Gin was a man named Tousen. He looked fairly handsome with skin ebony black and hair in fashionable cornrows, with clothes that matched his skin tone perfectly, and it was impossible to tell he was blind by looking at him.
Still, it was like the dinner party from hell . . . Kira had nothing in common with these people, nothing at all! His biological parents had died before he could remember them, and his aunt and uncle who had adopted him, who had allowed him to call them ‘mum’ and ‘dad’, were never so rich as Aizen was, and their dinner parties seemed a little more lively and less stiff. Here the conversations seemed mainly fixed upon stocks and shares, the latest legal strategies used in the courtroom, or – if they were feeling rather adventurous – the gossip going around in the law firm about people Kira had never met or heard of. His only consolation was that Komamura-san looked more bored than he was, and kept checking his Rolex in a way that he probably thought was subtle.
“Ah, but ya won’t be too hard on poor ol’ Luppi-san, will ya?”
Kira jerked his head upwards as he heard Gin’s voice. It seems he’d again missed some of the conversation, and subsequently he had no idea just who ‘Luppi-san’ was, what he’d done or why Gin was worried someone would be too hard on him. It was only made worse by how Komamura-san noticed his sudden jump and expression of confusion, and in reply the older man turned to him and gave a sincere smile, one that Kira saw adults always use on very young children . . . He would have felt patronised if the older man hadn’t shown Kira his watch and then rolled his eyes, obviously trying to say in his silent way ‘yeah, we really have been here long enough, haven’t we?’ It allowed Kira to smile back and not feel so alone.
“I mean it ain’t like he did anything too bad now, is it?” Gin continued.
There was a slight sound of disapproval next to Gin, and when Kira turned his head to see he saw Tousen-san looking straight ahead – not that it made much difference where he looked – with a rather sombre expression on his face.
It was actually a little amusing . . . Aizen sat with his head upon his hand, watching his two friends with sheer amusement, but with a slight calculating look that made him appear to be analysing the situation. Gin however had the most adorable kind of wistful pout Kira had ever seen him wear. It was one of his rare, sincere appearances, with his head titled slightly and eyes gazed upwards at an unfixed point, and his lips had pursed together in a way that almost made Kira wish to kiss them, he’d even touched a finger to his lips as if in thought, drawing more attention to his attractive features. Tousen, meanwhile, looked completely emotionless and objective, although his eyes hardened to give a sense of exasperation, and his hand hovered over his plate as he paused between eating to talk.
“I know that Trepadora-san is a friend of yours, Gin, but we must remain objective.” Tousen took that moment to take a final bite from his nearly empty plate, and if Kira didn’t know any better he would have said that the dark-complexioned man had purposely waited for Gin to begin speaking before he chose to continue. “He broke a rule of the workplace and for that he must be punished. We cannot ignore the indiscretions of others simply because it is convenient for us to do so, if we did that justice would never be served. Trepadora-san broke a company rule by having sexual relations in the workplace, and for that I must punish him. I shall give him a week’s suspension without pay.”
“Yeah, but it ain’t like you’ve never had sex in the workplace before, is it, Tousen-san?” Ah, Kira knew that Gin’s trademark grin wouldn’t be stay gone for long, and of course now he’d found a source of amusement in teasing his companion it was back in full force. “I bet ya ain’t even told Komamura-san about ya little escapade, huh? Kind o’ hypocritical of ya to punish Luppi-san when ya ain’t so innocent yerself.”
“There are many things I could say about your statements, Gin, but I shall content myself to asking if whether or not you truly choose to continue this conversation in front of Kira-kun.”
Kira found himself frowning as heard Tousen’s retort. He’d learnt during the past hour and a half that Tousen was a man of very few words, but the words he chose to speak were often full of meanings and depths that even the most eloquent of people could barely touch upon. It was often as if he chose what he said very carefully, sculpting it so that only those he wished to know what he meant would fully understand it. Clearly Komamura was upset that his lover had some sort of workplace tryst, and frankly it made him seem a little possessive (well, assuming that it hadn’t happened whilst they were dating), and clearly Tousen wanted to end the conversation before it could really get going. Seeing as Gin wasn’t exactly the type to hold his tongue whatever it was that Tousen was implying had to be important enough to shut Gin up, something that would likely offend Kira . . . but what? It wasn’t as if Kira cared what Tousen got up to in the workplace or when, so what reason did Gin have to suddenly go quiet like that?
Luckily for both Tousen and Gin it was that moment that Aizen needed to clear his throat. It seemed like rather fortunate timing actually, because although the two men seemed amicable enough every time they spoke there was tension in there tone, almost as if they secretly harboured a distaste for one another. If anything it seemed to Kira a little like sibling rivalry. He’d never had a brother or sister himself, or even any cousins, but he’d seen the way that Toshiro and Momo interacted and how Renji and Jinta treated each other, and it always seemed very much like the way these two Arrancars acted. There was an obvious air of hostility, but there was also a sense of trust and respect, something that Kira couldn’t quite place. Still, it was lucky Aizen had interrupted them, even if it was accidental, because Gin’s smile seemed quite sinister, his face dark in shadow, and his eyes glaring at Tousen, and Tousen’s entire body was tense and taut like a bow ready to snap.
“I believe that Kaname is right, Gin,” Aizen said with a bright but lazy smile, tilting his head in the process which made him seem rather childlike and innocent, “we unfortunately must address Luppi’s indiscretion. It simply would not do to ignore it.”
“It still don’t seem fair to me.” Gin pouted and folded his arms. He stared down at his nearly full plate as if it were the most evil thing he’d ever saw, and suddenly he seemed a little like a petulant teenager. “I mean ya overlooked that desk incident at the Christmas party an’ all.”
Aizen hummed lightly and jerked his head upwards, his smile fell into a relaxed but indifferent line and his eyes had widened behind his glasses in shock. Even his body seemed to mimic his emotional state as his shoulders slouched and he found himself unsure what to do with his hands . . . The strange thing was that the expression was nearly identical to the one that Gin wore when he was surprised, with only the subtle difference that whilst Gin closed his eyes Aizen seemed to blink two or three times. Of course if Gin really had spent as much time with Aizen growing up as he said, then it was only natural to ‘inherit’ some of the man’s mannerisms in the process, right?

“The desk incident?” Aizen asked softly, “I believe I fired the people responsible for that act, did I not?”
“Huh? Yeah, I must o’ forgot.”
It would have been cute how Gin actually blushed a little and scratched at the back of his neck in a sign of nervousness, but the way his lips pursed and he gazed off into the distance before breaking out into a huge smile was rather suspicious. He was obviously hiding something, and Kira was willing to bet it was probably due to the fact that whomever Aizen had fired hadn’t been the wrongdoer in the ‘desk act’, whatever the hell that was.
“T’ be fair, Aizen-sama, I think everyone’s been for a ride on ya desk at some point . . . It’s hard t’ keep track o’ who’s been punished and who ain’t. Can’t blame a guy for getting a little confused, right?”
That time Aizen really did appear quite stunned. His eyes widened to unreal proportions and he actually jerked backwards a little as if he’d received an electric shock, there was even a faint blush to his features. He pushed his glasses further up his nose, almost as if to distract himself from the information he really hadn’t wished to hear, then lowered his gaze with a slightly nervous smile. When he looked up there was something in his eyes that Kira couldn’t quite place, a sort of hardness or an edge that didn’t seem to match his overall personality, but his expression was so serene and soft it was hard to say. If he was to judge by Gin’s response however it wasn’t an entirely bad expression, because Gin seemed to find Aizen’s reaction fairly amusing as he grinned evilly.
“Perhaps that is a conversation for another time, Gin?” Aizen said in such a way that seemed both harsh and soft. His words were gentle but there was a slight emphasis to Gin’s name at the end, and his words seemed slightly staccato, which made it hard to tell if he was admonishing his friend or merely offering a friendly suggestion. “I hope I do not sound rude, but I wish to move from talk about Luppi onto other matters. Have yourself and Kaname given thought to the matter about Hirako-san?”
To both Kira and Komamura’s surprise it was Tousen who replied: “Yes, Aizen-sama.”
“May I ask what you have concluded?”
“We have taken onboard all that you have said during our last meeting, Aizen-sama. We have made appropriate arrangements for your wishes to be actualised, and we have hired the help of several Espada, and two employees from other areas of the Arrancar Corporation, in order to do so.”
“Excellent. In that case I shall expect to see Hirako-san promptly tomorrow morning.”
“Yes, Aizen-sama.”
It wasn’t long after that dessert was served. Kira would have been as bored as he had the rest of the evening, that was if Komamura hadn’t shown him such kindness and started a private conversation with him. The older man had talked in detail with him about Kira’s schoolwork, offering some sound advice at points whilst listening patiently at others. He’d even taken a few moments to boost Kira’s confidence by sharing with him some personal experiences, explaining that despite how he’d always been judged throughout his life that he’d found a soulmate in Tousen, and that he knew Kira was also destined for such happiness. Although Komamura was such a stoic personality he was actually very friendly, wise and patient, and not once did he ever take offence at any of Kira’s misunderstandings. It was actually a relief to be able to talk to him, and he was actually beginning to think of the man as a form of role model. Most of all he was grateful for a distraction from the insanely boring dinner party . . .
The conversation going on between the three Arrancar men was less than amusing, it followed the lines of legal issues concerning some sort of scheme they had planned, and it wasn’t as if Kira could have kept up with the technical jargon even if he had wanted to. By the time the talk was at an end Tousen and Aizen had finished their desserts, and Gin’s ice cream had melted into his cake looking like some sort of congealed mush. Kira sincerely hoped that the end of desert meant it was soon time to leave, and judging by Komamura’s behaviour so did he, but luckily it seemed that the evening really was finally at an end. The servants came to take away the dishes and refill the wine glasses, but otherwise there were no more courses and no more food given to them. Soon enough everyone had begun to stand up and seemed ready to leave. If Kira remembered his parents’ parties properly then they’d probably be heading into the lounge for drinks, and more conversation, a thought that was sobering to say the least. He truly doubted he’d be able to stand one minute more listening to such topics, but if he had to then he would for Gin’s sake, although he certainly wouldn’t enjoy it.
Luckily Aizen gave them an option out: “If you and Kira wish to stay for the night then your room is – as always – in the exact same condition as you left it. I would not deny you the option of staying here if it is more convenient for you both, however if you both wish to return home I would suggest doing so now. I have heard it is due to rain later and I would worry knowing you were driving in such dangerous conditions.”
“Ja! That’s nice o’ ya, Aizen-sama, but little Izuru and I should probably be headin’ home, ya know? We both got school tomorrow an’ I haven’t got a change o’ uniform here, neither has Izuru, an’ we can’t show up t’ school lookin’ so casual!” Gin smiled brightly as he nodded in acknowledgement to Aizen, and then gave a rather innocent smirk in Tousen’s direction. “Besides last time I stayed the night someone hogged the bathroom all mornin’ with his boyfriend! My, I was so late for school that day and my class weren’t happy at all! I really can’t have that happen again now, can I, Aizen-sama?”
“I believe,” said Tousen calmly from behind him, “that you were late because you’d drank heavily the evening before and were severely hung-over. You also spent a full hour making a breakfast that you didn’t eat. I would suggest that your real reason for not wishing to spend the night lies in the fact that you are aware of the surveillance, and that you wish to engage in activities that you do not wish to be caught on tape.”
Kira knew he was slightly naïve at times, but even he couldn’t miss the glance that Tousen sent to his overall direction, in such an eerie way that it was almost as if he could see exactly where he stood and the expression that he wore.
He felt as if he was stuck in the middle of something but didn’t know what. He’d gotten somewhat used to the bickering between Tousen and Gin, but it still hurt each time he name was used in reference to something, and always to something he didn’t understand or know about. It didn’t matter if it was simply a warning to Gin not to talk in front of Kira about mysterious matters, or a stolen glare to Kira when mentioning something seemingly irrelevant like the surveillance system, it hurt. It hurt to know that he really didn’t belong with these people, that he was just being a nuisance to Gin in the same way that Komamura probably felt a nuisance around Tousen, and it hurt to know he was causing such hostility between these people without knowing how. He was used to feeling bad, used to the feeling of despair, but this -? This was guilt. This was pain that he could be the cause of so much negativity when Aizen had shown him such kindness, had invited him into his home like family, and that was a guilt he couldn’t bear to carry on his shoulders. He really didn’t know what he’d done, what he’d said but clearly Tousen thought he was the source of all the trouble, even if Kira had no idea how! It wasn’t a feeling he enjoyed, and all he wanted at that moment was to leave, he didn’t want to spend another moment where he wasn’t welcome. He only hoped that Gin wouldn’t leave him. Family was so important after all, what if Gin chose these people over him? What would Kira do then?
His main consolation was that at least they were leaving now. He’d be able to make sure Shuhei was okay and hadn’t done anything stupid, and maybe if he apologised enough he’d be able to get Gin to forgive him . . . It had to be his fault that Tousen disliked him and that Aizen seemed to pity him, maybe he just hadn’t put in enough effort, or maybe he’d said something offensive during the course of the evening? Whatever he’d done he had to put it right! He had to! Gin was everything to him, his entire world, and if he’d done anything to hurt the older man then he wanted to do everything in his power to fix that. Sure he’d been tired and the party had been a dreadful bore, but that was no excuse, was it?
Kira almost jumped as Aizen put a comforting hand upon his shoulder and smiled warmly upon him, “It was a pleasure meeting you, Kira. I hope that we will meet again in the near future, and if we do I promise you the evening shall be more entertaining for you than it was today. I must apologise, but I had some urgent things that I needed to discuss with Kaname and Gin, I realise that they couldn’t have been interesting for other’s ears.”
“Oh -! Oh, no, it was fine, Aizen-san! Thank you for inviting me!”
“The pleasure was all mine.” Aizen removed his hand and gave a slight bow.
Kira watched with genuine interest as Aizen and Gin exchanged formalities, before Aizen himself left for one of the adjacent rooms, leaving with an air of grace that was so rare to see these days. It seemed that the two men were very close, and although they shared no blood relation it was clear they were truly very much like father and son. Gin would always tease and prod Aizen but ultimately he respected him greatly, and likewise although Aizen allowed Gin many freedoms and gave him respect, he also set firm boundaries that the other knew not to cross. The dynamics between the two was almost fascinating, especially the way they seemed to constantly be analysing one another, as if trying to work each other out. He was glad that Aizen seemed to like him to some degree, and touched that his lover could have such a considerate and loving relationship with his father figure.
When Gin came beside him with a bright grin he looked casually at the floor and tried not to blush, not too far away Komamura and Tousen left the room, with Komamura nodding to Kira in way of a goodbye. He tried not to shiver as Gin draped an arm over his shoulders, before leading him away into the direction of the cloakroom to retrieve their coats. He knew that Gin would want to go home with Kira for the night, in fact he’d already left several changes of uniform there for the nights he slept over when Kira’s parents were out, but what with Shuhei spending the night he wasn’t sure it was the best option . . . Then again Hisagi-sempai was very trustworthy and mature, surely he could be trusted to keep a secret?
“Ja! Time t’ go home, ain’t that right, Kira-kun?”
“O-Oh, y-yes, Gin.”
Izuru blushed even more as Gin offered him a bright and sincere smile, stroking Kira’s arm in a rather intimate manner. He loved this man more than anything in the world, and he could only hope that tonight he could show him just how much he meant to him, that they could forget about the embarrassment of the dinner party. He loved Gin, and tonight he was going to show him just how much.
* * *
Kira had been grateful that the car ride home had taken longer than usual. It had given him and Gin a chance to talk, a chance to have a conversation about what had happened without anyone else hearing or interrupting, and it had admittedly been a relief after the dinner they’d had. He’d been so scared he’d embarrassed Gin or ruined the meal for him! He’d been terrified that his boyfriend would leave him or hate him, that the evening had emphasised just how different they were, and he was certain that apart from Komamura-san everyone present had disliked him at least a little. Why wouldn’t they? He didn’t know anything about the things they’d talked about, he’d been too young to drink, and he was so painfully shy he didn’t dare speak in case he said something wrong or out of place.
He was so sure he’d ruined the evening, so certain! Yet in the car ride back Gin had just laughed at him, telling him Tousen had just been pissed that Gin was breaking the law to be with a student, and Aizen and Komamura had both adored him, the very fact that Aizen had asked Kira to come again was evidence enough that Aizen had loved him. It seemed that the older man never subjected himself willingly to company he didn’t wish to endure. Kira didn’t quite believe it, after all it was only natural that his boyfriend would want to comfort him and make him feel better, even if he did spend most of their time teasing Kira or toying with his emotions. Gin loved him after all, so of course he’d lie if need be to make his lover feel wanted, needed and special, and Gin was notoriously known for his ability to lie and deceive, making him to most people the least trustworthy person alive . . . N-Not that Kira considered him untrustworthy, of course! It – it was just that Gin wasn’t averse to manipulating situations to suit him, and if that meant lying to Kira to stop his self-esteem plummeting even lower, then wouldn’t he do it? Even when he spent his time teasing Kira, he’d always end with a little reminder of how much he loved his student, always saying something to keep his self-esteem even and solid, whether it be a simply comment like ‘ya didn’t think I meant that, did ya?’ or a compliment like ‘see, this is why I love ya so much, Izuru! Ya just perfect!’
At the very least it meant that Gin still cared about him, right? If he was trying so hard to make Kira feel better, to make sure he felt loved and welcomed, then it meant that he cared he felt and about his well-being. You didn’t care about someone like that unless you loved them . . . or felt a duty or responsibility to them, but Gin wasn’t actually the dutiful sort, was he? Rangiku always complained how Gin would walk away from her and not contact her for days on end, sometimes even weeks, months, or years, always without a single word of goodbye. True, he loved Rangiku like a sister but that he obviously didn’t feel any sense of duty to her, any need to make sure she felt taken care of and okay. So if Gin really wasn’t capable of dutiful feelings, then surely that meant he was acting so kindly to Kira out of love? It would mean that Kira hadn’t screwed up, that he hadn’t lost Gin, that they were still an item!
It was a huge relief, like a weight lifted from his shoulders, and Kira wasn’t able to stop from crying as they drove the last mile to his home. He couldn’t quite explain it, but he just felt freed from the whole thing, as if he was finally just able to be himself, and it was strange that Gin was the only person to ever make him feel this way. When he was with the others he always felt chained down, repressed, always trying to act in a way to please everyone (except when drunk of course), but with Gin he was the closest to just being himself as he could be. He was always still shy, still introverted, but he could express how he felt and what he thought in a way he rarely could with his friends, and even if he were terrified of the reaction he’d receive he’d always know that Gin would never judge him for it. It was hard to explain, how he could be so nervous around Gin and yet still able to express himself in a way he otherwise couldn’t around family and friends, and yet he loved that Gin made him feel that way. It was like - . . . It was like feeling alive, something he hadn’t really felt even as a child, and it was a feeling he treasured.
Gin had carried on most of the conversation on the way home, explaining all the little inside jokes at the party that Kira hadn’t understood, whilst talking badly about Komamura-san, although Kira didn’t quite understand why he disliked the man so much. He’d even revealed his previous one-night-stand with Tousen, although he’d given such a sad and regretful look that it really did melt Kira’s heart. He’d looked so forlorn, gazing at Kira with a sad but beautiful smile with eyes free from any hardness or deceit.
Kira couldn’t help but feel jealous when he’d heard the news. He knew it was immature and ridiculous, but he couldn’t help but feel a burning anger inside at the thought of someone else touching the man he loved! It was a strange feeling, something that gripped him inside and consumed him whole, like a black hole devouring all that touched it. He felt a mild sense of betrayal, despite how the event in question happened three years before they’d met, and he felt despair for how he hadn’t been the only one to have Gin that way. He felt stupid, babyish even, and so immature for feeling like he did, but each time they made love it felt so special, sacred, something that only they got to share with one another, and to know that Gin had shared something so personal and intimate with someone else . . . It made him almost hate Tousen for it, even though the blind man had done nothing wrong! Kira didn’t think he could be so possessive and jealous, but obviously he could, did that make him less of a man? It made him feel wrong, unjust. Yet he felt an odd sense of consolation knowing that Tousen – blind from birth – could not have seen the faces that Gin had made, that those were something only Kira would ever get to see, that those expressions were something special just between the two of them. He also felt a kind of pleasure at knowing that no one else had ever touched Gin the way that he – and unfortunately Tousen – had.
Gin was so beautiful, so perfect; Kira had really expected the man to have dozens of partners before him, to be an expert in everything and all things sexual. It – it was embarrassing to admit, but Kira felt like Gin was a man to be worshipped and revered, he was everything that people should aspire to be: smart, sexy, sensual . . . It – it just made sense to think that people would flock to him, that they would want to be with him, that they would worship him in any way they could . . . even if it was with their bodies. The thought had always made him despair, but it kind of made him felt insecure and weak too, always wondering ‘am I good enough?’ or ‘were those others better than me?’ It had been such a huge relief to know that there was only every one time, one person, before him and that he didn’t have as much competition as he’d always thought. It also made sense too. It explained that although Gin had been so confident why he’d been so hesitant too, why he’d pulled faces of shock and surprise as if some of the things they’d done had been a first, and why he’d always insisted – no matter what – that Kira had been perfect in all that he’d done.
Maybe the dinner hadn’t been so bad after all? It had somehow raised so many questions and insecurities, but in the end it had brought Gin and Kira so much closer together, teaching them about one another’s hearts and pasts. It had been a gift in itself to know more about Gin and to understand him slightly, even if it was just ever so slightly. There was so much he still didn’t know about the older man, but now he knew that – at the very least – he was loved, admired and cared for as much as he’d hoped. He knew that Gin thought of this as a serious relationship and felt serious about him, and he knew that he didn’t want it to ever end. He loved Gin, and he’d readily admit it to anyone. There’d been a passing moment where Gin had joked that he should quit his job and work full-time for Aizen, so that then they could make their relationship public, and even though Gin was probably making a casual, hypothetical statement a part of Kira wished to God it could be true. He wanted nothing more than to be open about his love for Gin, to be public to the world.
They arrived quickly home. Gin had parked for a brief second beside the property gates so that Kira could lock them shut as they drove onwards, and then pulled in alongside Hisagi-sempai’s car.
It looked rather ridiculous actually . . . Kira was aware his family were quite rich, and so the house was quite prestigious looking compared to most of his friends’ homes, although it stopped short of having its own servants like Aizen-sama’s had (albeit a maid did come daily to clean up, not that Kira would admit that of course). It was just that Hisagi-sempai’s car was very basic, old and cheap. He was, after all, on a basic wage at work and if he ever went anywhere he’d always take one of Muguruma’s cars, but now that they had broken up he had to resort to using his old car, so rarely used it was covered in an inch of dust. Gin’s car wasn’t in a much better state either, the only difference being that he kept it clean as possible in order to try not to embarrass Kira too much. Truth be told his parents would have killed him for letting those two park in front of the house like that, mainly because of how stupid it looked, two ancient cars parked in front of an upper-class house, but luckily his parents weren’t home to complain.
They’d found Hisagi asleep and drunk in the kitchen when they’d returned, with at least two sake bottles lying empty next to him as he snored away. Gin, being Gin, simply smiled and went on ahead to the bedroom as he left Kira with his old friend, one who’d occasionally wake up only to burst into tears every moment or so as his slurred his words and interrupted them with the occasional ‘Kensei’. It had been almost impossible to drag him to bed, so Kira gave up and dragged him into the conservatory instead. He dumped Hisagi onto the first sunlounger he saw and draped a blanket over him to keep him warm, hoping that the sunlight in the morning would sober him up enough to move back to bed, or at least the couch. He’d then quickly made his way back to his own bedroom, hoping that Gin was still awake.
He’d expected to see Gin sitting on the bed when he entered, either fast asleep in kitten-like pose as he curled up against the headboard with a large, feathered pillow, or sitting casually on the edge ready to pounce on Kira as he came into the room. What he hadn’t expected was for Gin to be nowhere in sight! Hadn’t Gin said that he was coming upstairs, hadn’t he promised to stay the night? Where was he?
“G-Gin? Are you here?”
It was awfully dark; perhaps Ichimaru-sensei was just out of sight somewhere? It was possible that for once he’d curled up underneath the covers, or maybe he was sitting in a chair in the far corner amongst Kira’s private library, or there was always the chance he was on the balcony, taking in the night air. He wouldn’t have gone home or somewhere else without telling Kira first, would he? No. No, Gin wasn’t like that! He was a decent human being, one who’d go to the end of the earth to find Kira and be with him, always by his side and always putting him first. He wouldn’t just leave Kira, not without a good reason, not unless he absolutely have to, and even then Kira was sure he’d always be on his teacher’s mind. So – so that meant Gin had to be here, didn’t it? There was just no way that Sensei would leave him!
“G-Gin? Are – are you sleeping?”
He drew in a deep breath as he took a few shy steps into his bedroom. He really did hate the nighttime; it didn’t matter that they lived in the city, somehow it always ended up completely black, the entire house blanketed in complete darkness. It made him even more nervous knowing that with Shuhei asleep downstairs he was forced to leave the burglar alarm off, just in case his friend set it off. There was no way of knowing just who was in the darkness or if in fact he was actually alone. The only slither of light came from the balcony doors, where the moon shone through and illuminated the bed in the far corner, making its four-posters seem almost silver in the natural light, and making the silk drapes seem opaque and unreal. Gin must have entered the room at some point, because a few of the drapes on the bed were down and blocking it from view, and the balcony door was partially open, allowing the netting to billow out in a slight breeze.
It was so eerie, so unnatural, and Kira was certain he could hear heavy breathing coming from somewhere within the room, but he couldn’t place where! Perhaps Gin was playing a game with him, perhaps he was just teasing Kira and expected him to play along? What made the whole thing worse was how the noises seemed to move to and fro, sometimes by the bed and other times by the library, and occasionally he’d spot a shadow darting by the balcony doors. Oh, if Hisagi-sempai hadn’t been so completely drunk he could have asked his friend to come with him to check out the noises! There was no point in calling the police after all, not when it was likely only his boyfriend playing pranks, but he really didn’t want to check it out for himself.
He gave a soft sigh and slowly closed the door behind him, trying not to jump as he heard it click shut. He really did love Gin but sometimes his pranks went a little too far, if only his sensei could be more serious and work harder, instead of slacking off or playing practical jokes! All Kira wanted was to have a romantic evening making love to Gin, and instead the older man had turned the evening into some sort of real-life horror movie. Outside Kira could already hear the thunder churning and gurgling, threatening to break out into the storm that Aizen-sama had warned about, and the cold draught blowing through the room chilled him to his very bones. He trusted Gin with all his being, but he couldn’t help but be somewhat scared by the fact his lover had suddenly gone missing, and how alone he felt at that very moment . . . His heart was racing like a jackhammer inside his chest, pounding away until it almost hurt to breathe, and his mouth felt dry from nerves. There was no reason to be scared, there wasn’t! So why couldn’t he stop his hands from shaking or his eyes from welling up with unshed tears?
“Are – are you here? I – I can’t – I can’t see you . . .”
Kira took in a shuddering breath and wiped his eyes with the back of his hand, then began to take a slow walk into the centre of his room. He jumped as behind him he heard the sound of a door clicking, whether his bedroom door or a closet door he wasn’t sure, but as he spun around he couldn’t see anything at all. Then somewhere behind him he heard a soft laughing sound, something discreet and barely there. Oh, he hated these kinds of games! Even as a child he’d hated them, he could remember playing hide-and-seek at school as a child and crying when he couldn’t find the other children. He hated not knowing, that feeling of being kept on edge, of wondering just who or what was out there and what it was they wanted. What if it wasn’t Gin? What if someone really had broken into the house? What if they’d hurt Gin! What was he going to do then?
He froze. He could feel someone standing behind him, directly behind him so that they were almost touching, so that Kira’s back was almost pressed against their chest. If – if it was Gin then wouldn’t he had said something or wrapped his arms around Kira, surely he’d have reassured him in some way? What if Muguruma-san had broken in somehow in a desperate attempt to get Hisagi-sempai back? What if it was a burglar looking to steal something? No, it had to be Ichimaru-sensei; it just had to be! He was just playing a prank, a very cruel and very mean prank . . .

Kira made sure to turn around very slowly, in order not to make the unknown intruder edgy or take them by surprise. He’d hoped when he turned to look that he’d see that it was just his imagination, that no one was really there, but when he turned he saw that someone really was there. They were standing tall with a rather sadistic grin upon their faces, and just as Kira’s eyes were about to adjust there came a flash of lightning from outside which blinded him to the tall man before him. There came a flash of pale skin, a menacing grin, and suddenly two bony hands reached out and grabbed him harshly about his arms, causing him to panic and try to scream as loud as he could for Hisagi to help him. Before he could let out a single sound he found himself thrown hard down against the bed, as another flash of lightning lit the room up and made it come alive, the shadow of the man coming over in the direction of the bed. He was rather disorientated by being thrown down against the bed, his mind hazy and dizzy as he tried to work out what was going on, but as he rolled over someone touched their hand against the posts and let the drapes drop closed. He was now cast entirely in darkness and enclosed in the bed, trapped like an animal. This – this wasn’t a funny joke! Gin really shouldn’t be teasing him like this, it was – it was just -!
It was then that the drapes on the far side of the bed were wrenched open and the man from before lunged at Kira, he tried to scream again but found a cold hand pressed against his mouth as the man sat firmly upon him, using his free hand to pin both of Kira’s above his head. It was impossible to find breath, impossible to stop screaming from behind the hand, and then his captor bent down close and whispered into Kira’s ear, his breath hot and moist on his skin.
“My, my, Izuru-kun,” Gin said a tone too soft to match his actions, “ya really don’t like surprises, do ya? Ja, it’s such a shame . . . ya look so hot when yer all flustered an’ scared. Makes me wanna do naughty things t’ ya.”
Kira found himself going incredibly tense at Gin’s voice. That – that hadn’t been funny at all! The man had nearly terrified Kira into a heart attack! Of course logically he had known it was just his lover playing a game, but there was no real way he could have been sure, and his heart had been hammering against his chest the entire time. It wasn’t fair to play with someone’s emotions like that, it just wasn’t right! There was a strong part of him that wanted to hit Gin hard across the face, but the other part of him was saying no, saying that Gin had only meant it as a joke and to hurt in him retaliation would be overreacting. He was angry, but at the same time he loved Gin, and he didn’t want to do anything to hurt him, although he was hurt himself by how Gin could scare him like that . . . His pulse was still racing and he wasn’t sure how he felt, he was still riding out on his adrenaline rush . . .
“You – you really scared me, Gin,” Kira said in a voice so low it was barely heard.
“Ah, ya know I didn’t mean it!” Gins nuzzled Kira’s neck so that when he spoke his lips brushed against Kira’s skin, teasing him with what was almost a kiss but not quite, whilst his right hand trailed down to take a soft hold of his hip. “Ya got t’ admit that this is goin’ t’ feel so much better with all that adrenaline in ya. It’ll be a real kick, ya know? Ja! With my little Izuru-kun all sensitive an’ alert I bet I can make him feel all sorts of new things! Yer’d like that, wouldn’t ya? Yer’d like it if I made ya feel all good and hot?”
“G-Gin, please . . .”
Gin raised his head slightly to gaze down at his lover. Through the darkness and half-lidded eyes Kira could make out the rather hurt face of his lover. Gin’s skin was pale and silver in the moonlight, his features barely visible as the light slipped in between two of the drapes, and his blue eyes were wide open so as to take in every inch of Kira’s body. His smile had faded into a small, indifferent line and his expression seemed so serious, so concerned, when he smiled again it was sweet and caring, filled with emotions too powerful to name. All his weight was on his left arm, but with his right he raised it to stroke gently Kira’s cheek, and it was then that Kira noticed Gin was naked save for a pair of pyjama bottoms he’d left at Kira’s for those times he slept the night. It made him blush to know that his lover was so exposed and revealed, and he had to swallow hard as he looked down to see his body so naked before him, something that Gin noticed and smiled at.
“Yer really scared, huh, Izuru? Ja, I promise I won’t scare you again, cross my heart an’ hope t’ die,” he leant down to press his lips chastely against Kira’s and smiled warmly. “Don’t suppose yer’d let me make it up to ya?”
Kira swallowed hard and nodded.
“I love ya, Izuru.”
“I – I love you too, Gin.”
The smile on Gin’s lips as he said those words seemed so genuine, so warm, that it made Kira lose some of his previous anger and give a nervous smile in return. He found himself lowering his head and turning away, embarrassed by his own nervousness and appreciation of Gin’s sentiment, and he just knew he was blushing like a schoolgirl! It was as if he was trying to hide further and further away by pushing himself as far into himself as he could, almost like a hedgehog curling up in sight of a danger. Luckily Gin seemed to find his actions adorable, or at least that was judging by the soft smile and how his bony fingers came up to clasp Kira’s chin, gently turning his head so that he could look his lover in the eyes and silently express how much love he felt for the other man. It made Kira gasp and blink to see such an expression, it overwhelmed him to see such love and lust in one person’s gaze, and he couldn’t help but wish that the moments like these would never end.
“Yer so cute, Izuru.”
He opened his mouth to respond but right away Gin broke the distance between them and kissed him passionately. It was strange, but each time they kissed it felt as if it was their first. Kira would always take in a sharp, nervous intake of breath and feel his hands clench shut, and then he’d ease into the kiss and feel his body relax. He’d find himself becoming alert to everything Gin did, and find himself falling in love with Gin all over again, as if it was the first time they’d met.
The first time they’d made love Gin had kissed him for almost the entire time, it had made the whole thing so much more romantic and intimate, and Kira remembered feeling so much closer to his lover because of it. He remembered when he cried afterwards how Gin had kissed him again, telling him how much he’d relished being close to Kira, having a physical reminder of how much their love had grown, and he remembered how Gin had kissed away each and every one of his tears. He loved how Gin always made him feel so special, so unique and so loved, and how every kiss always made him feel so alive and contented. Even their stolen kisses in Gin’s office, even their clumsy morning kisses after a night of making love, every one always felt so heartfelt and sincere, as if each and every one was a symbol of their love for one another. It made Kira’s heart swell every time.
Gin had draped his body over Kira’s, so that Kira could feel his every breath and heartbeat. His hands roaming over Gin’s warm skin, stroking his flesh lightly with his fingertips, exploring every inch that was his lover as he lost himself within the kiss itself. His lover’s hand came up to cup his cheek, slowly stroking circles with his thumb as they deepened the kiss. Kira could feel his body burning with need, his erection beginning to press up against Gin’s as the adrenaline rush hit him along with his arousal, and he could feel himself beginning to lose his breath. Gin’s free hand was working at the buttons of his shirt, fighting its way between two hot bodies, and all Kira could do was gasp and moan as he allowed his lover to undress him.
Soon enough his shirt was opened and he could feel his lover’s flesh pressed tight against his, the skin-on-skin contact almost erotic and so intimate that Kira could feel his heart beating faster than ever. Gin’s chest felt so hot against his own, his ribs so prominent and his muscled body so clear and defined, and he loved being so close to his lover. He arched his back as the kiss grew more intense. Gin’s tongue probed him with interest, exploring him as if it was their very first kiss, his breath warm and moist upon Kira’s mouth each time they pulled apart for air, and his lips soft like silk as he pressed them relentless to Kira’s rougher pair. His hand began to snake down Kira’s body to his waist, holding him still as he continued to take advantage of his prone state.
Kira found himself wanting more. His hands reaching down to push the pyjama bottoms off of Gin’s hips, as he used his feet to push the offending material down those handsome legs and pull them off from Gin completely.
When he looked down he swallowed hard. Gin – Gin looked so perfect as always! His body was flawless, so thin and yet so frail, it made him look so vulnerable and in need of protection, something that made Kira swell with desire. His skin even in the darkness and the thin thread of moonlight looked spotless, free of any and all blemishes and so silver and pure it was almost unreal. Kira couldn’t help but break the kiss as he ran his hands up and down over his lover’s body, feeling the way Gin’s muscles would flex under each touch, and relishing how Gin would gasp each time Kira traced a fingertip over one of his erect nipples, teasing the nub further into hardness. When he looked down further he could see Gin’s member erect and weeping, it’s long length but thin width making it look like something ethereal and beautiful, something that was more divine than human, and the very sight of it had Kira moaning and writhing underneath his lover.
The first few times they’d made love Gin had always been underneath, and each time Kira had been terrified wondering how something so long would fit inside him without pain, but the first time he’d allowed Gin inside him there hadn’t been any pain at all. Gin had been so gentle, so patient, taking care to prepare him in every way possible so that there was nothing but pleasure for Kira, and from that moment on Kira had enjoyed every moment that they’d made love and given himself freely to Gin, trusting him to do whatever he wanted with his body.
“G-Gin! P-Please, I -!” Kira gasped and threw back his head as Gin’s hand pressed against the crotch of his trousers, massaging him through the thick material, “I need more!”
“My! Yer so hot when ya take charge like that! Kind o’ makes me wanna get taken, ya know? Or do yer want me to take you instead?” Gin asked with a devilish smile, his eyes narrowed into sadistic slits as he quickly undid Kira’s trousers and loosened the strain on his bulge. “Do ya want me deep inside ya, Izuru-kun? Do ya want to feel me in ya?”
“Gin!”
Kira groaned loudly and clawed along Gin’s back as the older man snaked his hand inside Kira’s boxers, holding his length firmly in his grasp as he stroked slowly up and down his length, his wrist aching at such a strange angle but enjoying the sounds his lover made. On each upstroke he’d dip his forefinger loosely into Kira’s slit and find himself losing his breath as Kira almost growled out, his voice would be so low and needy, so desperate and full of desire, it was erotic at its best! On each down-stroke he’d purposely reach as far back as he could, teasing Kira’s balls as best as he could, licking his lips as his blond boyfriend mewled and writhed under his ministrations.
It was getting to be too much, too hot. Gin needed Kira as much as Kira needed him, and so he removed his hand and slowly removed his boyfriend of his trousers, pulling them off at a sinfully slow pace so as to kiss every inch of thigh, knee and calf as he went. It seemed to drive Kira insane, and the moment his trousers were off he pulled Gin back upwards and kissed him passionately, not stopping until both were in desperate need for air.
It was then that Gin pulled away from the kiss, and moved his lips to Kira’s neck where he proceeded to lightly nip and suck, presenting his lover with a love-bite large enough that it would be impossible to hide. All Kira could do was moan loudly as his hands wrapped themselves deeply into Gin’s hair, holding him tight as he spread his legs wide and let Gin nestle in between them, pushing their naked groins against one another. There came a noise somewhere of a modern love song, one Kira recognised as ‘Truly Madly Deeply’, but he was too far-gone in pleasure to know or to care. All he could concentrate on was Gin’s lips upon his neck, or how his lover was beginning to thrust lightly against him in a small but noticeable pattern, and with each thrust it’d send a bolt of pleasure running through his veins.
It was then that the love song from before seemed to stop and a new one began to play, it jostled Kira from his thoughts because he knew that Gin hadn’t put on any music recently, and surely Hisagi-sempai was too drunk to find the – the - . . . Oh God! Kira forgot everything as Gin’s finger slipped inside him, feeling his every ridge and pressing on every muscle, it always felt so strange and foreign to feel his lover inside him, and he couldn’t help but clamp around the intruding finger involuntarily. When Gin pressed that certain spot inside him he actually screamed out and clutched hard upon his lover’s shoulders, before pulling him into a deep kiss.
The next thing he knew there was the horrific sound of a guitar being brutally played, and the screaming of something that sounded like ‘Shuhei!’ Gin and Kira had no choice but to break apart as they quickly tried to decipher the awful noise that seemed to break through into the bedroom, the screeching was truly killing the mood and Kira could already feel his erection starting to flag as more screaming took place.
Gin looked positively venomous at the prospect of their night being ruined by some hideous singing and guitar playing, and Kira was already planning to kill Shuhei in the morning for his late night karaoke and guitar playing. The strange thing was however that the song sounded . . . English. Come to think of it, wasn’t the last song in English too? Kira was relatively fluent in the language as his parents travelled often abroad, and they made sure to teach him several languages as a child, and thanks to Momo’s cousin Toshiro he’d been introduced to many English-speaking bands, and thus knew many of them better than the Americans and English themselves did. The problem was that Hisagi wasn’t fluent at all in English . . . sure he could say ‘where is the bank?’ and for some reason ‘you’re a damn good lay’, but he couldn’t sing in English. What song was it anyway? Ah, I Don’t Wanna Miss a Thing, it was one of Kira’s favourite songs by Aerosmith, but who would be singing that at -? Oh God, please let him be wrong about this!
“Muguruma-san!” He gasped.
“Eh?” Gin rolled off from Kira and wrapped a sheet around his waist, hiding his erection from sight, “Ya know it’s rude to call out another man’s name, Izuru-kun, makes me feel bad when ya do.”
“Oh? Oh no! I meant that’s Muguruma Kensei singing outside! He – he must be trying to win Hisagi back and came to the wrong window, I bet he doesn’t even realise that Hisagi is in the conservatory sleeping off a hangover!”
“Ja! Well I’ll fix that then!”
Gin quickly removed himself from the bed and closed the drapes that were partially open, leaving Kira cast in darkness. He huffed slightly at being locked away in the dark and instead crawled to the end of the bed, and then stuck his head out through the drapes and looked about the room. It wasn’t that hard to spot Gin in the silvery moonlight and flashes of lightning. His lover was moving about the room like an angel, seemingly indifferent to the pain of being so aroused or the howling sound of the wind and rain outside, instead he picked up a full can of deodorant and headed directly towards the balcony doors. Kira was about to get up and ask Gin what he planned on doing when he saw the man yank back his arm, then heard Muguruma scream out in pain and let loose a stream of expletives.
“Ya at the wrong room!” Gin screamed out. “Hisagi-kun is out back in the conservatory! Ya might wanna try a more romantic song too, an’ one people can understand! Ja, Ayumi Hamasaki’s got a nice sound, ya know?”
Kira didn’t hear the reply that came, but it sounded pretty violent and heated. Luckily Gin closed the balcony doors about then and turned back towards the bed, he looked hotter than ever now that he was covered in water droplets and with mussed hair, and the way he sauntered over with a swing in his hips made Kira’s mouth water. He truly looked like a god when he moved like that, and Kira wanted nothing more than to run his hands all over Gin’s body, but when he reached up to pull Gin down onto the bed the older man pulled away with a sad sigh.
“Ah, I guess ya didn’t hear Muguruma-san, ne?”
Kira shook his head.
“Seems that ya parents are back home, Izuru-kun. They pulled up beside him whilst he was getting’ out his guitar, they’ll be up any second, ain’t even worth tryin’ to get dressed, ya know? Wouldn’t have time and would only look more suspicious.”
Okay, now that was definitely not what he wanted to hear! His – his parents were home? Part of him felt relieved that at least they wouldn’t catch him making love to Gin, but at the same time he was terrified of their reaction, he just knew that they’d make a big deal out of this! He knew it! Oh God, he couldn’t even hide Gin behind the drapes or in the en suite because they’d have surely seen his car, and what were they going to say? What would they do to him? And – and -! Oh God, he couldn’t breathe, this wasn’t going to go well, not at all and especially not with Hisagi drunk and asleep downstairs with his abusive boyfriend singing songs to him! How was he going to explain all this?
“Ja, look on the bright side,” Gin said cheekily with a bright smile, “It’s not like they have to worry ‘bout ya getting pregnant, right?”
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Romance and Rivalries