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Middle Grounds	By : Sena Category: Bleach > Yaoi - Male/Male > Grimmjow/Ichigo Views: 4055 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach. All characters associated with the series are the property of Tite Kubo and no money/profit is made with this story. I'm just playing with them.

Chapter List
- 1
- 2
- 3
Chapter II. Memories, part I.
Karakura town. 1 month before the war.
"Did the arrancar go back to Hueco Mundo?" Renji found Ichigo staring at the sky. He had rushed there worried about his friend's life, but was faced with the sight of a mentally defeated Ichigo… and somehow it made everything all the more disturbing.
"I've lost. I've really lost this one." Ichigo admitted… Tousen had appeared just in time to force Grimmjow back to Hueco Mundo, leaving him with the unpleasing flavor of a blatant defeat.
After that fight he decided to do something. He has been quiet long enough… and he had bitterly discovered that waiting was pointless. A few days ago, Chad and Inoue were severely wounded and this time he'd almost lost Rukia… He couldn't afford to waste any more time wandering around while his friends were being hurt.
Finding the vizards was a shocking experience. His hollow had finally taken control of him for a few seconds, and this time he did feel the hollow's presence stronger than ever. The thrill of the fight, the freedom, the rush, the danger of being chased…
All of them were so intense that they completely overwhelmed him.
When he left the vizards to go home, he couldn't stop thinking about his hollow. He hadn't felt his sort of emotions for a long time… He had been fighting like hell to rescue Rukia. Back there, he had been so worried for her that he wouldn’t dare enjoy any battle. There was too much to lose if he didn't succeed… If he thought about it, he never fought just for the fighting itself, never allowed himself to delve into the rush and to feel the adrenaline filling your veins and caressing the danger closing around you and….
He had been randomly walking around, his steps finally leading him to the park. When he was a kid, he used to go there to escape from everything. The silence, the sun, the wind, the birds… all these familiar features had always helped him to relax. Ichigo lay down under a cherry-tree, his gaze lost between the few brown leaves left. Winter was coming, but the weather was still warm enough to enjoy the evening.
His body was still bruised from the battle. His clothes were covered in dust and dry blood and his left arm ached from an especially powerful kick from Hiyori. That girl was incredibly strong with that mask on… but his hollow overpowered her so easily… it was scary…
He absolutely needed that power to fight the arrancars. If he could master it, he will surely win that one… Grimmjow… next time they meet, he will make sure to beat him down. ..
The shinigami was so lost in his thoughts that he never realized a Garganta opened in the park. Two figures emerged quietly, and closed the path behind them. Both smirked at the view of the shinigami laying peacefully under the tree, completely obvious to their presence. One of them, a shinigami with silver hair, set a 70 level kido barrier around them, including the oblivious orange haired boy inside.
The teal-haired arrancar spoke first, grinning madly. "Long time no see, shinigami."
Ichigo jumped at these words. He was suddenly aware of the presence of the barrier and cursed himself for being so careless… His hand automatically reached for his sword, even though he knew he had almost no energy left after the battle with the vizards.
"What do you want, Grimmjow?" He tried his best to not look afraid, although he was perfectly aware that in his current state, he was no match for him.
Much to his surprise, the arrancar just found a spot not far away from him and sat down, his grin still present. "You are lucky this time, shinigami. I haven't come here to fight you. Not yet."
Ichigo turned to the other shinigami. He barely remembered him from the execution grounds of Seireitei. One of Aizen's allies. He was still trying to remember his name when the man spoke.
"Nice to meet you, Kurosaki. I'm Ichimaru Gin, former captain of the III division." Gin approached Ichigo, who was still standing, sword in hand. "I have come here to meet you. Do you mind if I tell you an old story?" His silver eyes opened to lock with Ichigo's. His voice grew serious "I have just one request. This talk is not going anywhere outside this barrier. Tell anybody a single word and I'm gonna kill you myself. Understood?"
Ichigo blinked before nodding. He didn't have many choices in the matter anyway…
"OK, I suggest you make yourself comfortable. I'm not sure how long this will take… you are the third shinigami to hear it ever, so pay attention."
With these words, Gin sat down close to the tree where Ichigo had been laying. Ichigo followed him. If they had wanted to kill him, he would have been dead for a while, so he just lowered his sword and took a seat close to the older shinigami.
"A long, long time ago, when I was 8, I met a small girl in the Rungokai. At that time, I had just left Rangiku and was going to the Seireitei to become a shinigami. One night, while I was tired and starving, I sensed the smell of some roasted meat. I followed the scent and found a girl with wild crimson hair sitting alone by the fire. Before I could do or say anything, she saw me and cheerfully invited me to join her. I almost devoured the whole piece of meat before even looking at her. She was younger than me, but as lonely as I was... we decided to travel together for a while."
Gin was lost in his thoughts. He was looking at the sky, and seemed oblivious to his surroundings.
"Every day, she disappeared from my side to go hunting. I never saw her, but she always came back with food enough for both of us. One week after we met, we were attacked. Some bandits jumped into our camp and started looking for anything of value. I tried to fight back, but I was a tiny boy and they were four grown men. When I was sure I was gonna die, I saw a white demon beating down everybody." Gins turned to face Ichigo before continue "Well, white demon is the only thing I could of thought at that time… that 'creature' had claws, fangs, bat wings, a curious hole below her neck and a wild crimson hair. In no time, all the bandits were left unconscious or dead and the whole place was on fire. She approached me slowly and after gathering all our belongings, grabbed me by the waist and took flight. 'We have to get out, Gin' were her only words. I still remember the intensity of that flight… I was worried about the girl, extremely tired from the fight, amazed by this creature… and I completely forgot she had just said my name. As soon as we landed, I started asking for the girl. She said nothing, just locked her eyes with mine and smirked. The creature shined with a dark red glow and when the light faded, the girl was just there."
Gin turned his face again to the sky before continuing.
"We spent the rest of the night talking. She told me all her story… how her parents died when she was too young to remember, how she had always lived alone because people always got terrified when they saw her changing body… She had no idea why she had this other self, but she was proud of it. At that time, neither of us had any idea about hollows, so we didn't really know what she was. That's probably the reason why it worked out between us…"
"I started my training as a shinigami, and they lived close, so I spent all my free time with them. As soon as I realized she was a hollow, I made sure to not get friendly enough with anybody in the academy. I was pretty sure than if anybody found her, she would be killed. We used extreme precautions. I forced myself to learn high level kido, so we had a barrier placed around her house every time she was in hollow form. I spent most of my free time there either fighting with the hollow, who was incredible strong…or teaching kido to the girl, who had no interest at all in fighting skills… I had this life for more than 10 years… it was the happiest time of my life."
"Of course, it couldn't last. I finished my training and started working, so every day I had less and less free time. On the other hand, there were rumors about some strange hollow reiatsu nearby. Some patrols started searching the area and I knew it was just a matter of time before they found her. So, we decided to move on. She hated shinigami. They had always been the reason of her hiding, the hunters of his nightmares… the only way out for her was the living world. Unfortunately, they were closer than what I thought. We couldn't make it on time, and she was sentenced to death." Gin opened his eyes to look Ichigo in the face, his silver gaze shining with a sharp edge. "From that day on, I also hated most of the shinigami of Seireitei. They were the reason for my loneliness… but I decided that one day I would change that. So, I stuck with the only person able to shake the very core of Soul Society, who happened to be Aizen with his crazy plans."
Ichigo had been listening carefully, his mind more confused than before. Was Gin confessing than he had been living with a girl who coexisted with an inner hollow? Was he really suggesting that he should try to 'get along' with his own hollow? With that crazy bastard, who craves for a fight, for blood… who was just a poisonous mixture of boiling emotions…
His voice barely contained the contradictory emotions stirring in his mind. "Why are you telling me this, Gin?"
The former captain smiled tiredly.
"Because I don't like the idea of the vizards 'crushing' your hollow… and because you two together can achieve much more power than one alone. This is the kind of power Aizen has always been craving… the very same power he will never obtain, because it implies entrusting your body and soul to a hollow. Something that any shinigami would never dare to do."
Ichigo frowned. "Then why should I?"
"Because you are not just a shinigami… you are a human, so I expect you to be more… 'open minded' in that field. In fact, I didn't expect that you believed me without any proof… I guess you also have lots of questions but I'm not gonna give you any answers right now." Gins smirked and opened his eyes to meet Ichigo's puzzled stare. "I wanna meet your hollow first, Kurosaki."
Ichigo frowned again. Just a few hours ago Shinji had asked the same… and he had ended up badly bruised trying to refuse… with no success at all. The hollow had showed up anyway and attacked Hiyori… They had managed to reduce him easily, but it was still scary… On the other hand, Ichigo could feel the hollow, trying to come out again… However something was odd this time. Back there, he felt the hollow's craving for a battle but now… it felt something different… a mixture of thrill and excitement?
"You also want to see his power?" Ichigo's frown deepened… he didn't know what to do. He was still exhausted from his previous fight with the vizards, so he couldn't do a thing against the former captain… and to make everything even worse, Grimmjow was still there, waiting…
Gin chuckled. "I already know he's powerful. I just want to talk a little with him."
Ichigo's eyes opened in surprise. "He ain't gonna talk."
His heart was speeding up. He couldn't imagine a way out of this situation. His fears increased as Gin casted another kido spell to reinforce the barrier.
"We will see… are you gonna do it easily or must we convince you?" Gin was still sitting in a non-threatening way… although Ichigo could see that he was extremely dangerous. At his other side, Grimmjow's eyes widened, glowing with anticipation…
Ichigo was sure than the arrancar was absolutely fine with the idea of beating him down until the hollow surfaced. He tried to calm down a little… he was perfectly aware than he had run out of options… and fighting was pointless…
"How do I know it's not a trap to take me to Hueco Mundo?"
Gin just chucked softly. "C'mon, Kurosaki. You know we could have done that from the very beginning, don't you?"
Ichigo sighed… they could have kidnapped or killed him long ago. So, he hoped it wasn't going to be the worst decision of his life. He stood up and walked a few steps away.
"I hope you know what you’re doing, Gin."
"I do know, Ichigo. You are not gonna regret it."
Something in Gin's voice relaxed him somehow… He closed his eyes and allowed the hollow to slowly take control over his body. It was the first time he allowed himself to lose it willingly… and surprisingly it wasn't as scary as he thought it would be…
"Maa, maa… Nice to finally meet you," Gin smirked, standing up and started approaching the pale version of the young shinigami.
This time, Ichigo had allowed him to be fully in control, not like the other times, when he barely managed to overpower him for a brief moment. As this time there was no presence of Ichigo, his true form was revealed, a white copy of his shinigami self. The yellow and black eyes moved from Grimmjow to Gin, who had just talked. The hollow smiled madly, a grin rivaling Grimmjow's, before talking cheerfully with the shinigami.
"So, you're the one who convinced that stubborn bastard. He never let me out… you must be pretty persuasive, shinigami." He coked an eyebrow and moved a few steps toward the old man. "And pretty bold to think you can use me".
Gin smirked back to the hollow, without the slightest worry for his closeness. "I don't expect your help for free".
The golden eyes never left the silver ones, but his eerie voice had a new edge, almost an amusing tone. "And what are you offering?"
"Full control of this body and some nice battles … is that enough to start?"
The hollow got closer to Gin. They were just inches apart, never breaking eye's contact. Both had now a teasing smile.
"It depends on the battles."
Gin chucked and tilted his head in the direction where the arrancar was still waiting. "You can have a taste right now… I have the perfect partner for you."
The hollow turned to face Grimmjow, who was finally approaching them with a fierce sneer.
"Just one condition," Gin added, moving aside to give room for the arrancar, "my barrier is not strong enough for you two to fight with released bodies, so keep your actual forms and avoid ceros."
Grimmjow's stretched his arm over his head, trying to loosen up from the long waiting. "No problem, Gin. I don't need to release to beat this kid's hollow."
"So confident, arrancar… I thought it was me who put that scar on your chest…" The mocking tone easily matching the espada's teasing one, while his body adopted a fighting stance instinctively.
"Show me your power, hollow!" Grimmjow attacked him, the hollow easily avoiding his fist and continuing to tease him playfully.
"Make me."
Gin walked away and sat down by an old cherry tree to observe the hollow's fight. In no time both had their clothes completely ruined and were covered in blood. To anybody, it may look like a deathly fight of two mortal enemies, but Gin knew better. He had fought countless times with hollows and easily noticed the permanent grin in both faces, the continuous teasing and cursing…
Grimmjow had recently lost an arm, and wasn't used to fighting without it. Ichigo's hollow was tired from the earlier fight with the vizards. So, in less than half an hour, both were panting exhausted. Gin decided to end the fight there, leaving them craving for more.
"Never asked your name, hollow." The shinigami approached the drained hollows and made a sign for Grimmjow to stop.
Ichigo's white nemesis was grinning widely, despite the many wounds that covered his body. "I don't really have a name… but you can call me Shirosaki."
"So, do we have a deal, Shirosaki?" Gin smiled enigmatically, his face unreadable.
"Maybe... What do you want me to do, shinigami?" Shiro was reluctant to accept so easily, although he was fully aware that this was his only chance for a different relation with Ichigo other than what the vizards had offered.
Gin opened his eyes and smirked to the hollow. He knew he had already won.
"When the war is over, I'm gonna ask you a favor. But currently, we need to make sure that the vizards fail with Ichigo's training, don't you think?"
The hollow chuckled. "That's gonna be easy. See ya, Gin."
Without any more warnings, the hollow disappeared in a blur of black reiatsu, giving the body back to Ichigo.
The young shinigami was speechless. He had just had the weirdest experience of his life. He had expected the hollow to go berserk the moment he controlled his body, as he had always seen him behave… but not only did he not attack them but he also talked with Gin. And what was beyond Ichigo's comprehension, both hollows had been fighting with extreme care for Gin's barrier. Not only did Grimmjow not release to his true form, but they also hadn't fired any cero or getsuga…
And those feelings… Ichigo had always been fighting to regain control of his body any time the hollow had managed to take over. This time he was just watching and feeling. Shirosaki glowing with happiness. There were no worries, no wandering, no regrets… just the thrill for the battle, the constant teasing, the joy of the good hits, the pain of the blows received, and the smell of blood… Ichigo had never felt any of this with such intensity… and it was at least rather disturbing…
Gin took a seat close to the shinigami and invited Ichigo to join him. "I think I can now answer your questions."
Ichigo dropped down close to the older shinigami. He was so overwhelmed that he didn't know what he could say… "Why are you doing this, Gin?"
The former captain smiled sadly. "You remind me of her so much… Then, I was a green boy that couldn't do anything to save her life, but I can now." His face grew serious to add, "and everything would be much easier for me with your help, Kurosaki."
Gin's face was unreadable again… Ichigo wasn't sure what he meant by 'his help', but he was too tired to dwell on matter right now. Instead, he remembered something the old man had told him. "Are you sure that I would be more powerful than a vizard? Those guys are really strong…"
Gin chuckled. "I was the strongest shinigami in the academy and I never won when they fought together. Her shinigami body wasn't trained and her hollow's powers were similar to mine… but when they joined forces I really think they were almost as strong as a captain. And she was 20 years old."
Ichigo remained silent… He had spent the last few weeks trying to suppress his hollow… everybody had been telling him he would be swallowed by him… even the vizards… and they seemed to have experience enough in the field…
Gin stood up and cleaned the dust from his white uniform. "You need time to swallow everything down. We'll be here tomorrow at nightfall. Come again and we can have a little more fun."
Turning around, Gin walked slowly away from Ichigo, while Grimmjow joined him and opened a Garganta. "Next time I'm gonna kick your ass, shinigami."
Grimmjow's words echoed in the air as Ichigo turned to walk home. This was one of the weirdest days of his life… and it didn't seem it would be the last.
******************
Ichigo spent the next day working in Hiyori's walking machine. He was getting tired of this training, if it could be called training at all… After lunch break, he managed to be alone with Shinji for a while. Weighing his words carefully, Ichigo tried to test Gin's theories about hollows…
"What you told me about the hollow… is it… there is… is this the only option? I mean, are you sure that the hollow will try to control me?"
Shinji frowned at him. "I was absolutely serious about this. There is no coming back. Once it has started, he will grow stronger. And the stronger he grows, the harder it will be to control… until eventually he will destroy you. You already knew that. Why are you asking it now?"
Ichigo realized he was walking on a dangerous line. "Because… I think that he probably is strong enough to try to overpower me… so why has he not tried except on the battlefield?"
"I don't know Ichigo, but you won't last if it keeps going on. It's a hollow, you cannot expect him to stop if you don't make him stop." The vizards tone left no room for discussion.
Ichigo refused to give up and made a last attempt before dropping the matter. "Have you ever talked with your…"
"With my hollow?" Shinji's face frowned with rage. Ichigo didn't miss the bitterness coming from the vizard's voice. "Why the hell should I be talking with him? There's no point in talking with a hollow. I went through hell and fought him long enough to settle everything. After that, I was peaceful enough. What the fuck are you thinking? You think it's like dealing with your zanpakuto? We are talking about a hollow. And a damn powerful one!"
"I know, I know! I was just guessing… " Ichigo decided to definitely drop the subject now, as they were falling into a slippery subject. Instead, he tried to lighten the mood "…because with that stupid training I'm not going anywhere!"
Shinji made an unreadable face for a moment but quickly followed Ichigo's wailing. "Quit complaining and start working! Hiyori is gonna kill us!"
*****************
Ichigo didn't know exactly why… but by sunset he was already in the park. His hollow had been extremely calm today, however since a few hours ago, he started to feel him again. However, this time instead of the continuous threatening presence, he just felt excitation and he wasn't sure if it only came from the hollow.
After half an hour of waiting, he started to think that maybe it wasn't a good idea… He was alone, waiting for two of his enemies… both probably more powerful than him… And what for? To release his hollow again? Was that a wise thing to do? What would Shinji say about all of this? Maybe he should just explain everything to… to whom? He hadn't told anybody about their meeting yesterday, and he didn't know exactly why… maybe he just wanted to ask Gin a lot of questions that had been forming in his mind since yesterday…. Or maybe he wanted to feel that again….
Suddenly, a Garganta opened and the teal-haired arrancar appeared. He had come alone, and Ichigo immediately adopted a defensive stand at this sight.
"Where is Gin?" Ichigo's eyes narrowed, his energy barely contained at the sudden appearance of the arrancar, thinking about the more than possible betrayal on Gin's part.
"Busy. Aizen had some issues with the shinigami. We are gonna play alone." Grimmjow took something from his pocket and threw them to Ichigo.
He barely caught the two wristbands and looked puzzled to the arrancar. Some of the tension had left his body as Grimmjow had made no move to attack him so far. "What the fuck are those for?"
"Reiatsu suppressors. I can't place that barrier, so if we're gonna fight, we need to use these." He cocked an eyebrow to smirk at the young shinigami. "Or do you prefer all your friends showing up?" Grimmjow took another one with his mouth and struggled with his arm until he managed to lock it in his wrist, his already suppressed reiatsu now completely sealed.
"I could kill you now, Grimmjow..." Ichigo teased the arrancar, while wondering about the stupidity of placing a reiatsu suppressor on himself... in front of an espada.
"Don't be stupid. It can be removed immediately. They are used for training, not for prisoners... Well, are you gonna put them on or what? I haven't come here to chat with a fussy shinigami."
"Shut up, dumbass. And why the hell do I have two? One is not enough?"
"You are slower than what I thought..." Grimmjow grinned at the frown on Ichigo's face. "One suppress shinigami's powers, the other is for the hollow's."
"Whatever, I have just come here to ask Gin some questions, not to fight you. So, this is pointless..."
Grimmjow's thin patience was quickly running out. "Don't fool with me, shinigami! Put those on and let your hollow out."
Much to his distress, Ichigo realized that he did want to spar with the arrancar. He was painfully aware it was one of the stupidest things he had done in his life. However, it was also true that if he hadn't been so reckless in the past, he would have never obtained his shinigami powers. Neither the first time from Rukia, nor the second with Urahara's help.
Ichigo sighed and hoped for a second time than these weren't the worst decisions of his life. He put both wristbands on his wrists and immediately felt drained. It will be hard to fight in these conditions... it was like fighting with his human body. But on the other hand, he probably was more used to this kind of fight than the arrancar...
Ichigo couldn't skip the chance to play a little. "If you wanna fight him, beat me first, asshole."
"It will be a pleasure, shinigami." Grinning maniacally he threw himself at Ichigo, who easily avoided the first punch and managed to connect a good kick to the arrancar's ribs. The young shinigami barely held in a curse as he realized that the hierro skin was going to be a damn problem. He had completely forgotten about it...
"Afraid, shinigami? You can't break my skin with your pussy hits."
Still cursing slightly, Ichigo unsheathed Zangetsu. "Then I will have to slice you with my zanpakuto, arrancar."
Both jumped again. The rhythmic impacts of Ichigo's sword clashing with Grimmjow's arm were the only audible sounds in the calm of Karakura Park. Less than 10 minutes later, Grimmjow had already managed to catch Ichigo, Zangetsu thrown out of range. The arrancar had him pinned to a tree, his hand clenched around his throat. Ichigo was panting, nearly exhausted, his eyes locked on Grimmjow's grinning face.
"Let him out, Kurosaki. You've lost."
The grip on his neck tightened, threatening to choke him. Ichigo weighed the situation. His mind was spiraling out of control. His brain could feel the danger of his current situation – he was nearly being choked at the hands of an espada – but he can also witness the oddity of the fact that this very same time the espada hadn't harmed him at all. Not yet. They had been fighting like hell, but neither of them had really tried to kill the other. It would have been really easy for both to remove the wristbands and just kill the opponent, but neither of them had done it so far... and the worst part was his hollow's mood... he had not interfered in the fight as he used to do, and what really scared the hell out of Ichigo was the emotions he was emitting. Instead of the dark menace he used to feel, there was just a burst of anticipation at the sight of a good battle... and Ichigo found himself dwelling in that feeling... he almost wanted to see how his hollow would fight... wanted to see what he was able to...
But he wasn't going to release him only because Grimmjow told him to do so. Ichigo's knee impacted with all his remaining strength with the arrancar's groin, surprising him and managing to get free. The shinigami hit him again and unbalanced the arrancar enough to throw him down, Grimmjow's face buried in the ground. Ichigo straddled his back and twisted painfully his only arm on his back.
The teal-haired arrancar was currently laughing loud at the shinigami's outburst. The kid had really surprised him. Not many people had the guts to attack him with such a dirty move and much less dared to straddle him.
Ichigo was panting hard, his eyes slightly unfocussed. "I'm letting him out, but not because you forced me to do so."
Grimmjow turned his head to look at the boy "Are you gonna release my arm or I need to beat the shit out of you, shinigami?"
Ichigo smirked, his voice suddenly rough and thick. "I was planning on giving him some advantage…"
Grimmjow's eyes widened as he realized too late what the shinigami was going to do. Before he could get free from Ichigo's hands, the grip tightened as the hollow's eerie voice teased him purring at his back.
"I'm already here, arrancar…" the golden eyes shined madly as he licked his lips, "…and you are in a fucking wonderful position…" Shiro leaned down to whisper in Grimmjow's ear, "seems that Ichigo already know my tastes…"
Shirosaki husky voice sent a chill down the arrancar spine. It brought promises of pain and lust… which made Grimmjow's blood boil with excitement.
***************
That night Ichigo barely slept. His mind was completely fucked up. His hollow and Grimmjow had been fighting for almost one hour, until both were exhausted. During the whole battle, they had been cursing, bitching, swearing and teasing each other… and both had enjoyed every minute of it.
Grimmjow departed with the promise of bringing Gin the next day, and as soon as the Garganta closed, Shiro gave the body back to Ichigo without any second thought. He had walked home and was now lying in his bed, his body exhausted but unable to sleep at all…
This way was apparently much more effective than the vizard's, but he was still reluctant to trust Gin so easily. Obviously the vizards have had a higher experience on this matter than the traitor shinigami, and Ichigo didn't know him well enough to discard Shinji's help. However, even he could tell that he won't be able to train with both sides without letting one of them know the existence of the other, unless he found a way to restore his reiatsu and erase the scars from his battered body. His head was aching when finally the tiredness won and he fell into a deep sleep.
The next day was more of the same. The walking machine, Hiyori's bitching, Ichigo's complaining… The young shinigami didn't miss the weird stares that Shinji gave to his bruised face, but the vizard didn't ask; for which Ichigo was extremely grateful as he had no possible explanation.
Later in the evening, he met Gin again. Ichigo had come up with so many questions these last two days… but now he didn't even know where to start. They sat down under one of the old cherry-trees in the park in silence until finally Gin broke the silence.
"So, how's it going with Shirosaki? Is he behaving or has he given you many troubles?"
Ichigo blinked. Shirosaki. His hollow's name. He remembered the hollow telling Gin… He had completely forgotten. He sighed and let his gaze drift before talking… putting all his fears into words for the very first time.
"Everybody tells me that as the hollow's power increases, it will be more difficult to control, and when he overpowers me, he will take full control of my body…" He lowered his gaze as he finished in almost whisper. "He was always there, a dark menacing presence… It had only grown stronger since Byakuya's fight."
Gin waited until Ichigo's voice died. His unreadable smile was still present in his face. "Has it been the same these last two days?"
Ichigo turned to look at the shinigami. "No. It's been completely different. The threatening feeling is not there… and I have even forgotten about him a couple of times… That's the reason I'm still here." Ichigo's gaze drifted to the ground while his voice weakened."But I don't know how long it will last. I don't want this to be the calm before the storm…"
Gin tilted his head to watch him carefully. "What makes you think it will be a storm?"
Ichigo looked unsure again. "I guess… when he completely overpowered me…"
Gin finally opened his eyes to stare at the young man, his smile gone and his expression slightly scary. "You really think you are more powerful than him? Who are you trying to fool, kid? You do know he overpowered you long ago."
Ichigo frowned. This couldn't be possible. He has always managed to keep him from surfacing… except when he was completely beaten during Byakuya's fight. So, it meant he was the strongest, didn’t it? Of course, the hollow cut Byakuya so easily… he was almost no match to him. And these last fights with Grimmjow… they fought in rather equal grounds, when Ichigo had completely lost his first battle with the arrancar… Not to mention the way he crushed the terrified Hiyori…
However, the fact that he had his hollow mostly under control was the only thing that kept him away for true despair and hopelessness. "If it was true, why hasn't he taken my body yet?"
Gin chucked, mildly amused and let his features relax, before pressing the matter carefully. "Why should he?"
Ichigo opened his mouth but he didn't know what to say… So far, he had thought that obviously the hollow must have wanted to control him… what could he have been wanting if he didn’t?
Gin kept talking, as Ichigo tried to listen… But he was only getting more and more confused.
"You don't just share a body; you also share a soul. He has all your feelings and emotions, but no restraints at all. This is what a hollow soul is… A hollow just does what he wants, no second thoughts, no restraints and no regrets. You just need to accept him as he is, as the wild part of your soul, and both of you will be invincible." The older shinigami opened his eyes, his silver gaze piercing through Ichigo's resolve. "C'mon Kurosaki, you know I'm right. You have already felt it. You should be talking with him instead of being here…"
Ichigo looked at Gin with an almost defeated expression. He didn't know what to think… much less what to do… "And how the hell I'm supposed to be talking with him?"
The old shinigami stood up and started walking away. "Just go find him in your inner world."
Ichigo jumped on his feet but didn't attempt to follow him. "But I don't know how to get there!"
Gin just waved to him without turning around. "Then it's about time for you to learn, shinigami."
Half an hour later, Ichigo sat legs crossed on his bed, breathing deep and calm… Through meditation, any shinigami was able to gain access to his inner world… any shinigami but him. He tried until exhaustion won again and the dawn found him snoring loudly in his room.
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Middle Grounds