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Illuminated Illusions	By : QueenOfCitrus Category: Bleach > Yaoi - Male/Male > Gin/Hitsugaya Views: 1785 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach or any of its contents. I do not profit from writing this story or make any money from it in any way, shape or form.

Chapter List
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A/N: This is going to be a 3-shot I think. I'm feeling very angsty these days, but you can't blame me. My cat's got bone tumor of some sort and all I seem to be able to think about is how I'm going to have to have him put to sleep. *sigh*

Illuminated Illusions

Part 2

It takes Hitsugaya several timeless seconds to realize that he isn't moving. He's just frozen on spot, eyes wide and unseeing, staring blankly at the figure before him and praying, praying that he is wrong. Praying that this man in front of him is not really standing there, but this is all a dream, a bleeding, weeping gash in his own muddled consciousness, a final punishment for all the foolish decisions he's taken. This stranger, donned in white from head to toe underneath a cloak of deceitful black, cannot be real, he cannot be that Ichimaru that Toushiro used to think was his lover. The lithe, muscular body, the familiar shape of the angular face, the long slender fingers and the ever taunting mouth might look like they belong to the ex-capatain, but this wanderer is certainly not Gin, as Gin is, Gin, Gin, his Gin, he is a-

"Traitor." Hitsugaya breathes, unable to force anything else out. The scream that is thrashing like a feral beast in the core of his chest cannot come out, shoved away by something else that the boy is yet to define.

He feels the air move a little, just a little, as Gin flinches at the word and makes a tentative step forward, the almost nonexistent movement causing the smaller male to visibly tense. Don't come any closer… the captain mouths, shaking his head a bit as all hints of sound fail to emerge from his mouth. He spots the slight, perhaps longing raise of the familiar pair of arms, but the craving for the warm embrace frightens him more now than the gesture itself and he bites his lower lip, unable to look. Just don't… The fox immediately stops dead in his track, a nearly imperceptible sigh tearing from his lips as he engages his hands in loosening the strands that hold his cloak together. Toushiro feels like a rabbit, caught in his own rabbit hole and he doesn't know what to do with himself anymore than he knows if he wants Ichimaru to leave or stay. His heart is hammering viciously in his chest and the fact that he isn't sure whether it is fear that's causing this, or maybe something completely different, makes him all the more anxious. He can see that Gin's usual, licentious, mocking grin is nowhere in sight… Instead, the ex-captain looks like he isn't exactly sure what he's doing here.

"Yes." Ichimaru agrees finally, lifting his gaze to lock it with Toushiro's. "Yes. Tha's what I am. Good ta kno' yer not in denial, tha' would've made this much harda' than it already is." The edges of the fox's lips twitch just a little in a bitter, uneven line that can hardly be referred to as a smile and Hitsugaya knows that Gin doesn't fully believe what he's saying. A fact that is just as shocking as it is terrifying.

"You used me." The boy says in a small voice before he can help himself. A foreign emotion flashes across the man's face – could it be disbelief? – and he shakes his head, making another tentative step forward despite the voiceless request from earlier on.

"Do ya really think that? Do ya really-" he pauses, daring to cut the distance between them with a couple of more inches as he watches Toushiro stiffen further. "Do ya think tha' I'd do the things I did if I didn' wanna?"

"I don't get to think anything about you anymore." Toushiro spits out, brows furrowing painfully as he tries to keep his jaw tightly clenched, his teeth grinding painfully against one another, lest his composure crumbles even further. "I don't know you, Ichimaru. I don't know if that man-… if that man who did these things even exists."

The room falls silent and for a few seconds there is nothing. The soundless air, curling idly around their still figures, makes Hitsugaya all the more aware of the thrumming of his own accelerated pulse in his ears. He watches Gin – so imperturbably motionless in his impressive stature, his long neck, long limbs, long body – and he feels smaller than ever. And so, so stupid for not trying, not wanting to try and do anything whatsoever. He's supposed to be making noise, he knows that, he's supposed to be attempting to attract attention, help, he should be fighting… anything. Yet he just can't bring himself to do that, he can't force himself to want this man to be caught, arrested, charged with treason… It doesn't matter how costly this whole thing is going to turn out to be for him in the end. His cards have been laid down on the table long ago and Ichimaru knows them all – every sliver of weakness, ever nook of fear, every errant thought that could pass through the genius' head – Gin knows it all... and suddenly Toushiro feels as though he's standing completely nude, exposed inside and out for this man to see. It's not fair! A tiny voice inside his head screeches and for one strange, weightless second, Hitsugaya's torn between letting out a short hysterical laughter and sinking deeper into his own inner anguish. The fox is still a mystery, he hasn't revealed his hand and until he does, this game is going to continue, more guile will be thrown in the fire, more lies, more, more, more, more...

More!

…And then Gin says the one thing that makes Hitsugaya's stomach twist with revulsion.

"I've neva' lied ta ya." The ex-captain states softly, the haggard hue of supplication buried so deep within the texture of his voice that Toushiro completely dismisses it, hurt already contorting his face and marring his features.

"How can you even say that?" the boy utters with salient difficulty and Gin shakes his head as if what he's said doesn't even make a difference.

"Ya didn' ask, Toushiro. Ya didn' say anythin'… So I didn' havta make up excuses." He pauses to take in the captain's small form for a moment, before adding. "I wanted ta have ya fo' as long as I could… in mah situation. 't was a stupid thing ta do, I realize that now, I realized it even back then… Jus' couldn' help it… It was all so incredibly selfish. Almost as selfish as mah comin' here t'night…" Ichimaru lets his voice trail off and the haunted, beseeching look that crosses his face has Toushiro faltering for a good moment before he remembers his place and refuses to be knocked off his shaky pillars. He can't do this anymore. He can't allow himself to make the same stupid mistake all over again, especially now that it is all out in the open. Yes... Especially now.

"I should be screaming for help, you know." Hitsugaya states, clutching the edges of the desk he's leaning against even harder as he realizes that his fingers have began to tremble. "There're people out there. Someone will definitely hear. You took a very foolish decision by venturing to come here. There'll be no leaving this place for you now."

For one long moment he's almost certain he saw Ichimaru tense, but then the fox shakes his head and the illusion shatters like a thin wall of sugar. Toushiro's brow twitches mirthlessly and he lets out a low huff, more of a gibe to himself than anyone else as he catches himself trying to put a label to the ex-captain's body language. Who is he, Hitsugaya wonders bitterly, to comment on the veracity of any of this man's reactions anyway? Their liaison, affair, whatever it was, has been just a wan, fey sibilant, left to fade out in the open. Its fate, its demise had been inked down from the very beginning.

"Ya won' do tha'." Gin says, his voice just barely stained as he refuses to look away from the smaller male. Hitsugaya feels the inexplicable need to smile drily even as the gentle twist of his lips never really reaches his heart.

"How do you know?"

"'Cuz ya love me." The reply is instant, seemingly absolutely sure in the credibility of the information it carries, but Toushiro knows better. He can see right through the answer that sounds so much like an order, and it makes him just a little bit more confident as he spots the crevasse of questioning in tone that the fox uses. Grasping this little piece of weakness, the genius attempts to straighten, collect himself and inhales deeply, his left hand finally leaving the desk to raise to his face and press against his brows for a minute.

"…What do you want from me, Ichimaru?"

"I want ya ta believe me." The man replies simply and Hitsugaya all but sneers, shaking his head a couple of times as his lips form a sad little smile.

"It's too much." The boy utters defeated, the words coming out as a whisper as his shoulders sag hopelessly, pressed down by the weight of everything he's lost. Everything he's given up. Too much…

"I kno'." Gin pauses, seemingly contemplating his next move for a moment, then adds very, very softly. "Still, I'm asking you… I'm begging you to believe me… If I could go back, if I could I change what I did, I would."

A pang of corroding hurt explodes in Toushiro's chest and suddenly he's shaking all over, he can't breath, he can't even look at Ichimaru, and all the hatred that he's been trying to coerce himself to feel, all the malevolence, contempt, it's obliterated. Gone. Just like that. His mind is a blank page now, every memory and emotion wiped clean from it with force that would've had him staggering blindly at this very moment, had he not been leaning against the desk. A large, throbbing gash gapes in the middle of his chest, cracks spreading deftly in all directions in a thin web of anguish as the only thing that he seems to remember, know, understand, is that if Gin could, he'd take everything that they'd had and throw it away. He would.

"I-… I mean so little to you?" he chokes out and suddenly he can't take it anymore, he screws his eyes shut and turns around, refusing to look at Gin, as imminent sobs coil in his throat despite simultaneous rise of the familiar suffocating waves of shame that threaten to drown him. Pressing one fist to his mouth, he tries to swallow every bit of pain that is pushing to spill from his body and strives in vain for the crumbs of his composure, logic, anger... fighting a battle that's already been lost. "I didn't realize-, I thought-… I-I'm sorry… For being such a complication."

He's so overwhelmed by his own crushing turmoil that he doesn't even hear the sound of steps that echoes around the room. All of a sudden, a pair of arms is engulfing him into a tight embrace and Ichimaru's almost intoxicating smell is enshrouding him in a way that he's missed more than he's even managed to realize. His hand is being pulled away from where it has been pressing against his lips and he fails to find it in himself to protest. Instead, he willingly lets himself be comforted, drawn into a venomous, deceitful world of calmness that is only a temporary means to soothe his aches and bring him peace… Gin, Gin, why are you doing this to me? He knows he should be struggling to break free, recoil from this touch, run away, reject it in some, any way… But it feels so awfully right, so good, so perfect, that he fears his healing heart is going to shatter if he dares pull away from the only thing that seems to be able to relieve his agony.

"Foolish boy…" Gin whispers, but his words are kind, maybe a little bit wavering even as he tightens his hold around the slim figure as if afraid to let go. "Ya got it all wrong… I didn't mean-… Not you. Never you…" a comforting hand runs up and down the genius' side for a moment before Toushiro is gently turned around and a finger guides his chin up tentatively, coaxing him to look in the man's eyes. "If I knew I'd fall in love so hard, I'd neva' get involved in Aizen's plan. Ya're the world ta me, Toushiro… An' 's so fucked up tha' I had ta realize that when 't was too late. When I couldn' really go back anymo'…" Ichimaru shakes his head slightly – more to himself than anyone else – and leans forward slowly, slowly, almost fearfully, his lips ending up barely an inch or two away from Hitsugaya's as he sighs and adds breathlessly. "Shit… 'missed ya so, so much, beautiful. Mah beautiful... My beautiful everything."

Toushiro's heart clenches again, a soft dry sob ripping painfully from his lips as he realizes that this is Gin's way to apologize. To set things right. Explain. This night, this moment, he understands, it's stolen. The two of them are enemies now and no matter what he does, Ichimaru can't change that. He can't take a break and come over to see him, not without risking both of their lives, because now the two of them are not comrades, they are worlds apart. Gin's been sucked into a tornado of plotting, perfidy and treason, where even glancing over his shoulder could have him slain like an animal.

He's stuck. They are.

Toushiro swallows hard, his arms reaching out on their own accord to wrap around his lover's neck.

There is no way out… A tiny, bitter smile pulls the edges of his lips and he grimaces as he feels his eyes glaze over, welling up with a different kind of tears. He tries to hold them back because suddenly he is so, so painfully aware of the ticking clock on the wall. There is no time for tears… There's barley any time at all.

"You've come to say goodbye." He says, his voice breaking pitifully at the end as his tightens his grip around Ichimaru. It's a statement, not a question, so he doesn't expect an answer.

He doesn't really get one. Instead, his lips are claimed in a long, bruising kiss.

A/N: Thanks for reading. One more chapter to go.
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Illuminated Illusions