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Shinigami Women's Secret Society	By : KelliDenise Category: Bleach > Het - Male/Female Views: 26430 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 3
Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach and am not making money from this twisted tale

Chapter List
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- 3
A/N: I forgot to say that the point of this story is to do the most outrageous pairings I can think of. Maybe not all of them, but most. Thanks for those that reviewed and/or read this. J
Chapter 2: Getting Acquainted
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"Ok, let's pick up where we left off, shall we ladies," Rangiku said after finishing up her drink.
Everyone seemed a lot more comfortable after having a couple of drinks. They were even able to convince Orihime to have one after assuring her there was no drinking age in the Soul Society. Everyone settled back in their seats as Yoruichi pulled out what appeared to be a small treasure chest.
"Now since this is the first week, we're going to start off easy," Rangiku started. "Tonight is just about mingling and getting a little more comfortable with each other. I know we all know each other but we don't really KNOW each other, so tonight's theme is 'Getting Acquainted'. Now let's see who goes first." With a mischievous twinkle in her eye she reached for the sign-in sheet. Time seemed to slow down as everyone waited to see who would be the first one to play the twisted game.
"Sui Feng," she announced. There was a collective gasp as all eyes turned to see the beet red face of the captain of the second division.
"Come forward and choose your fate," Yoruichi said suppressing her laughter. The tiny captain stood slowly and made her way to Yoruichi.
"Walking the mile…walking the green mile," Orihime said under her breath. Unable to hold in her laughter, Yoruichi cackled loudly. The tiny captain's eyes widened in horror before hanging her head in total embarrassment.
"Come on Sui Feng. Pick one." Yoruichi said holding the small chest out to her. Sui Feng hesitantly reached into the chest and grabbed one of the small folded pieces of paper. She stared into Yoruichi's expectant face with a look of complete desolation.
"Well, whose name did you draw?" said Rangiku impatiently.
Everyone held their breath as she slowly unfolded the paper and laid her eyes on the name.
"WHAT!" she yelled, her sadness turning into anger and then bewilderment. "No…no way."
"What's wrong?" Rangiku asked as she came to peek over her shoulder. A huge grin spread across her face as she read the name. "Ulquiorra Cifer," she said loud enough for everyone to hear.
Giggling, ooh's and ah's came from all over the room as Sui Feng crossed her arms over her small chest.
"Aww…what's the matter Sui Feng? Hoping for Kisuke maybe?" Yoruichi teased as she continued to laugh.
"Ok Sui Feng…you have one week to complete your mission…" Rangiku started as everyone listened intently while she told Sui Feng what she needed to do.
Week 1: Sui Feng & Ulquiorra
Mission: Getting Acquainted – 10 questions for Ulquiorra Cifer.
Favorite color?
Hobbies?
Do you drink sake?
Would you ever consider posing nude?
Who does your make up?
Can I touch your tattoo?
What's the biggest thing you've ever put in your hole?
What is your favorite position?
Boxers or briefs?
Do you prefer eating in or out?
Day 1
Sui Feng looked at the list of questions she was supposed to ask Ulquiorra, shaking her head in disbelief.
"Who the hell thought up these questions?" she grumbled. "And what the hell are boxers?" How was she going to get him to answer questions like this? This is Ulquiorra…he's basically Byakuya's clone...the Prince of Darkness. She sighed heavily and decided that she needed a plan before doing anything.
"I'll start tomorrow," she said with determination. "I won't let you down Lady Yoruichi."
Day 2
Sui Feng woke up with a sense of purpose. She'd finalized her plans the night before, deciding to get to her office early, get whatever work needed to be done out of the way and leave Omaeda in charge for the rest of the day. A scary thought, but she had serious matters to attend to, so she'd have to trust her lard ass of a lieutenant not to mess anything up while she was gone. The plan was to follow Lieutenant Cifer around for part of the day observing his daily activities. Similar to what she'd done to Captain Urahara so many years ago. She was bound to get answers to at least some of the questions and she wouldn't even have to talk to him.
By noon she was on her way to the sixth squad barracks to find Lieutenant Cifer. She reached in her pocket to take one last glance at the questions when she literally ran into Captain Kyoraku, knocking her paper out of her hand and onto the ground. Being the gentleman that he was, the Captain bent down to retrieve the paper for her. She snatched the paper from his hand before he could even offer it back to her.
"You're welcome Captain," he said with a raised eyebrow.
With her face completely flushed, Sui Feng thanked him and tried to make her hasty get away not seem so hasty. Right when she thought she had succeeded, he began talking again. Why did he have to be so damn friendly?
"What has you in such a rush?" he asked.
"Oh, I needed to speak with Lieutenant Cifer about something. Nothing serious," she said trying not to sound as flustered as she actually was. Why wouldn't he just go away? Where was Nanao when you needed her? She would know what was going on and could run interference. But she would have no such luck. Frustrated and annoyed she began to walk away, completely ignoring the captain who smelled strongly of plum sake.
"Ah Lieutenant Cifer," Shunsui yelled, waving him over. Sui Feng froze in her tracks…she thought about high tailing it out of there. But as that would have raised more questions about her already suspicious behavior, she turned to face the approaching former Espada.
"The Captain was just leaving to seek you out, and here you are."
Sui Feng cut her eyes at the eccentric Captain and wanted to slap that stupid smirk right off his
damn face. Of course she would never do such a thing but the thought made her smile…on the inside of course…because smiling is for idiots, unless of course it's Captain Yoruichi who's doing the smiling.
"You needed to speak with me?" said a smooth baritone voice that gave Sui Feng a slight chill. She hadn't even noticed that Captain Kyoraku had gone leaving her alone with the Arrancar. Hands in his pockets, expression as cold as ever, he awaited her response. 'No turning back now,' she thought.
"Yes I wanted to discuss some battle tactics with you," she said thinking quickly.
His expression was unreadable…as always. Was he crying or what?
She continued, "Not now…I have other things to attend to, but tomorrow, over a drink perhaps?" As soon as the words left her mouth she wanted to slap herself. She hadn't meant it to sound like she was asking him out, well she was asking him out but not OUT...on like a date. To make matters worse he continued to just stare at her with those abnormally large green eyes, face unchanged. Hours seemed to pass as they stood there in total silence. She was about to just tell him to forget it and be on her way when he finally decided to reply.
"That would be acceptable." Then he turned and seemed to glide away.
She rolled her eyes 'and I thought Captain Kuchiki was bad'…her thoughts were interrupted by the sound of ridiculously loud cackling. She knew that laugh anywhere. She turned, "Lady Yoruichi," she said with wide eyes.
The golden eyed captain kept laughing, slapping Sui Feng on the shoulder. The smaller woman's brows furrowed in frustration and she folded her arms across her chest, pouting.
"Drop the "Lady" Sui Feng," Yoruichi finally said still smiling wide. "How's your mission coming along," she said in a low voice.
"Fine La…I mean Captain Yoruichi. I won't let you down."
Yoruichi stared at Sui Feng blankly for a moment before another fit of laughter hit her. "The only thing I want you to do is loosen up and have some fun." Then all of a sudden the smile dropped from her face, she was close enough to kiss Sui Feng. The second squad captain swallowed hard trying not to seem afraid. "But if you don't complete your mission you know there will be consequences?" She let that sink before she backed away and let the smile return to her face.
"See ya," she said before slapping Sui Feng in the back, knocking her forward, and disappearing.
Yoruichi reappeared beside Rangiku who had been watching the whole thing.
"I think Captain Kuchiki is right," she said giggling. "You are a demon cat."
"I was just giving her motivation."
Day 3
Sui Feng eyed the list of questions for the billionth time wondering how the hell she would get the answers without coming off like a whore. She wrote 'yes' beside question 3. He obviously drank or he wouldn't have agreed to have a drink with her. So that was one down, nine to go. She didn't have much drinking experience so she planned to keep it to a max of two drinks so she could keep her wits about her.
"Shit. I didn't even tell him where we were going, or what time. How could I have forgotten such major details?" She was disappointed in herself, but was determined for her mission to be a success. She would not let Lady Yoruichi down. She decided to leave her Captain's haori behind and tucked the outrageous list of questions in her pocket after giving it one last glance.
"I'm coming in," a voice said from the other side of the door, Lieutenant Cifer's voice to be exact. The door opened and there he was wearing his usual melancholy expression. Her lips parted to ask him who the hell told him to come in but she thought of Yoruichi's words 'Loosen up Sui Feng'. She reluctantly closed her mouth and took a couple deep breaths to calm her herself. 'Let's just get this over with', she thought.
"Let's go," she said coolly before disappearing, knowing his sonido was as fast as her shunpo.
He had no problem keeping up just as she had expected. He followed her to a rather nice place somewhere outside the Seireitei. He never really explored his new home so he didn't know much about what happened outside the thick walls. Sui Feng knew many of the other Captains came here quite often so she assumed it would do.
Once they were seated by a short round man in a fairly private spot, she scanned the menu. She prayed to the Gods they wouldn't be spotted by anyone they knew. It would be easy to get the wrong idea. Ulquiorra ordered a bottle of Kokuryu Ryu, not bothering to wait for her. She wasn't sure whether he was being a gentleman and ordering for both of them, or being rude. It didn't really matter since they weren't on a date. The waiter returned with the bottle a few minutes later.
"Can I get anything else for you?" the waiter asked with a smile as he poured them both drinks.
The Lieutenant looked to Sui Feng. "No, that will be all," she said not even bothering to look at the beaming waiter. He turned on his heels and left them to enjoy each other's company.
An hour later Sui Feng knew all about Ulquiorra's second resurrección form and his eye's odd ability. While the latter gave her a couple of ideas about future reconnaissance missions, she was no closer to completing her mission. She was still babysitting her first cup while she had lost count of how many he'd had.
"Is the sake not to your liking?" he asked after finishing up what was most likely his seventh or eighth cup.
"Are you implying that I can't hold my liquor?" she asked accusingly. "I can drink just as much as you. I'm immune to most poisons…a little sake can't hurt me."
While Ulquiorra hadn't meant to imply any of what she'd just said, he remained silent. What the hell was wrong with this woman? He glanced around the bar, his face actually reflecting how he felt…BORED. Why had the itty bitty Captain invited him for drinks? She hadn't mentioned anything resembling a battle tactic despite that being the reason she requested his company. Then he had a brilliant idea…well maybe not brilliant, but it was sure to provide entertainment for however long she planned on holding him hostage.
"Well," he said pouring himself another cup, "That's good to know." He took his drink in one shot, making sure to keep eye contact with her, and placed the empty cup gently back down on the table.
Not to be outdone, she picked up her glass and finished it in one gulp as well. He smiled inwardly as her face screwed up…no doubt caused by the burning in her chest, and poured her another. 'This was going to be almost too easy' he thought to himself. Of course his face remained completely blank. He wouldn't want anyone to suspect that he actually had emotions. It would take the fun out of everything.
When he was first assigned to the sixth division he thought he had been chosen at random, but after spending a few weeks with Captain Kuchiki he realized it was because the whole Seireitei thought them emotionless bastards. Sometimes they would say outrageous things just to see the reactions they would get. Of course the hard part was trying to maintain their uninterested façade. The only time he ever lost was the time Captain Kuchiki said he used Senbonzakura to cut his hair. He had tried so hard not to laugh that he was sure he had injured himself and was sent to the fourth division by his captain.
Now all he had to do was wait. If she insisted on going shot for shot with him, fine. That was a battle he was certain he would not lose. After her fifth drink he could see her slowly losing her poise. She was having trouble sitting up straight and her eyes seemed to only be half open.
"Why did you—," he began before the Captain cut him off. "What's your favorite color Lieutenant?" she asked in her serious captain voice.
'That was random,' he thought before answering. "In battle?" He desperately wished he had the facial freedoms of normal people but of course his Captain held him to a higher standard so stone faced he would remain.
"Of course," she said annoyed.
'Don't laugh…don't laugh…don't laugh,' he repeated over and over in his head. "Red," he replied sounding as threatening as he could.
'Ok that's two,' she thought.
"What's your favorite position…?" Ulquiorra almost spit his drink all over her face. "In battle," she said as an afterthought. Gods he wished his captain was here. He picked up the bottle and poured her another drink, then himself. This was getting seriously interesting. He thought for a moment on the question then smiled…inside.
"I don't mind the position so much as long as I get to release…" Sui Fengs eyes became as big as saucers. "My resurrección of course," he continued.
Sui Feng picked up her drink, and just as she had before, took it in one gulp. As she placed her cup down she realized that everything seemed to be moving a little slower than before. She started to panic, but then she remembered that she was Sui Feng and panicking wasn't something she did. Ulquiorra had obviously poisoned her. She would have to bide her time and catch him when he least expected an attack.
She looked across the table at the Arrancar who was enjoying his hundredth drink. Gods, were his insides made of steel or what? She watched his Adam 's apple move slowly as he drank. Why did everything he did all of a sudden seem so alluring? He placed his cup down on the table and slowly licked his lips. She could feel the anger building up inside of her. He was mocking her…the bastard, first he poisoned her, now he was moving in slow motion, probably trying to throw off her sensory perception. He was a sly one.
Ulquiorra noticed her strange look and decided he had had enough fun to last him for quite some time. He couldn't just leave her in the condition she was in, so he decided to do the gentlemanly thing and at least escort her to the second division barracks. He paid their bill and they left with her eyeing him warily. Knowing she wouldn't be able to use her shunpo in her condition, he was forced to walk side by side with the obviously crazy, miniature Captain. In their silence, he amazingly forgot all about her as she had fallen slightly behind. Not feeling the need to wait for her, he kept a steady pace making sure not to get too far ahead so he could still keep an eye on her.
He gazed into the night sky; it reminded him of the time before Gin, Tosen and Aizen. He let out a deep sigh. He had come a long way from the vast sandy nothing that was Hueco Mundo. As much as he and the others hated shinigami, here they were working with them. To be honest, he was more comfortable with it than he thought he would be. Of course he was still wary of them all, but there were a few of them that weren't so bad. Present company excluded.
Not too far behind, an inebriated Sui Feng watched as the Lieutenant walked along leisurely, seemingly unaware of his surroundings. She knew this was her chance. In a flash she was barreling into Ulquiorra's back like a freight train with a blood curdling battle cry. He yanked his hands out of his pockets so he could break his fall. Had she lost her mind? He tried to understand what she was saying, but all he could make out was something about poison and slow motion. She must not have really wanted to hurt him because, drunk or not, she was the Captain of the second division and the Commander-in-Chief of the Onmitsukid�. If she wanted to harm him, he had no doubt that she would. She did seem rather angry about something though. He tried to free himself from her death grip, which reminded him a lot of Nel, but only succeeded in making it off his stomach and onto his back. His jacket had almost completely opened from rolling around on the ground like a heathen. He glanced around to make sure no one was around to see his current predicament.
Captain Sui Feng was straddling the green-eyed Lieutenant's waist and her arms where locked behind his back. He could only imagine how this would look to someone else. He tried to push up on his elbows when the captain spoke in a serious tone.
"Don't move you bastard. You think I don't know what you've done?" Ulquiorra stared at her blankly. "You will pay for your treachery." She sat up straight, releasing him from her vice grip, and put her arm straight out. Ulquiorra's eyes became wide. "Sting all enemies to—," she stopped abruptly. "Can I touch that?"
Ulquiorra froze. WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON? He hadn't had a chance to react he was so shocked, but he was almost certain that she had just attempted to assassinate him.
"Can you touch what?" he asked, not bothering to hide his exasperation.
"That," she said as she ripped his jacket open the rest of the way. Her small fingers repeatedly traced the number that was on his left side of his chest, making him stiffen…in more ways than one. He pushed her off of him almost effortlessly and stood up, dusting himself off. He looked a sight, but at least his hakama were still secure. Sui Feng looked up at the Arrancar, noticing for the first time how muscular he was. She had always assumed he was just a skinny little weirdo, but seeing him with his jacket hanging open and that tattoo on his chest, he looked downright…sexy?
Something suddenly began to come over her. She didn't know what it was since it wasn't a familiar feeling, but decided to go with her instincts. They had never steered her wrong in the past. She stood up so gracefully, no one would ever have suspected she was drunk.
"Lieutenant Cifer." she purred. "Would you ever consider posing nude?" she asked with a seductive smirk.
"In battle?" he asked, his voice going up an octave. He was trying desperately to keep his cool, but she was making it hard…err…difficult…well hard too.
"No, not in battle, don't be stupid," she said appraising his body. "You have a very impressive physique," she said not bothering to look at his face.
"I'd never considered—." She cut him off with a wave of her hand.
"Let me ask you Lieutenant, what do you wear under those hakama?"
"Nothing," he said flatly. He wasn't sure what she was playing at, but he would not allow her to get the upper hand in whatever it was.
A mischievous smile appeared on her face after hearing his answer. She took the two steps it took to close the distance between them. Ulquiorra resisted the urge to take a step back. She reached up placing her hand on his cheek and trailed her thumb down the green tear-like mark. His skin was cool and extremely soft for a man. He was definitely NOT wearing make-up. 'Interesting,' she thought. Ulquiorra reached up and gently grabbed her wrist pulling her hand away from his face. He stared at her intently. She seemed in control and very aware of what she was doing, but this wasn't like her at all. Then again who was he to say what was like her and what wasn't? He barely knew her.
She snatched her hand away from him and began to walk away as if nothing had just happened. Ulquiorra followed silently, but then she stopped and turned to him.
"Lieutenant what do you do in your spare time," she asked calculating in her head how many questions remained on her list.
"The usual…eat, drink, avoid assassination attempts, get molested…you know," he replied casually pushing his hands in his pockets.
"So you enjoy eating out?" she questioned him.
He paused for a moment, looked her dead in the eyes and said, "Immensely."
"Hmm, we should do this again soon Lieutenant."
"Discuss battle tactics?" he said as he looked up at the moon.
"Of course." She turned, taking a couple steps before stopping yet again and calling over her shoulder. "One more thing," she said. "In battle, what's the biggest thing you've ever put in your hole?"
He allowed himself to crack a smile since her back was turned. "Ichigo Kurosaki's sword, it is a bit on the large side, as you may or may not know, but I survived. All in all it was a rather pleasurable experience," he said. If he could have seen Sui Feng's face right then, he definitely would have lost the game with Captain Kuchiki. He continued, "The fight I mean. I always enjoy a battle with a worthy opponent." With that he sonidoed away, leaving a dumbfounded Sui Feng to find her way back alone.
Day 4: Mission Complete
Hangover!
Next Meeting
"Ok everyone settle down so we can turn the floor over to Captain Sui Feng," said Rangiku as she clapped her hands to get everyone's attention.
The ladies found their seats and quieted down as Sui Feng walked to the front. She whipped out a small notebook and read her findings aloud.
Favorite color? Red
Hobbies? Eating, drinking, avoiding assassination attempts, getting molested
Do you drink sake? Yes
Would you ever consider posing nude? Maybe
Who does your make up? That's his face
Can I touch your tattoo? I did it anyway
What's the biggest thing you've ever put in your hole? Ichigo Kurosaki's large sword
What is your favorite position? No preference, as long as he gets to release.
Boxers or briefs? Neither
Do you prefer eating in or out? Eating out
Ignoring the giggling and jaws on the floor, Yoruichi stepped forward.
"Good work Sui Feng," she said. The small captain's scowl was replaced by a dreamy smile as her cheeks turned a bright red. "Now," Yoruichi said yanking up a chair, "Sit down and tell us how you pulled it off." She pushed the small captain down into the chair, giving her no chance to protest and signaled for everyone to move in closer. Even though there was no chance of anyone overhearing them, since Yoruichi placed a rather strong barrier around their meeting place, the women spoke in hushed voices. Sui Feng began to tell the rather embarrassing tale of how she got the answers to the ridiculous questions.
She was visibly nervous, and still a bit irritated with the whole idea behind this so called 'Secret Society', but as she continued, she became more relaxed. This did not escape Yoruichi's notice. The women laughed at the silly parts and jaws dropped when the story became a little more…uhh…intense. Sui Feng showed no emotion as she spoke of the events of the previous night, but she no longer felt uncomfortable. She looked around at the faces of the other women, all hanging on her every word. She never really considered any of them her friends. Not even Yoruichi…she was too far above her. She was a goddess. But as she looked at their faces now it brought a smile to her face, a very tiny one, barely noticeable really, but a smile nonetheless.
"I have one question for you Sui Feng," Yoruichi said after Sui Feng finished speaking.
"What's that Lad…Captain Yoruichi?"
"Did you have fun?" All eyes turned to Sui Feng.
Her first reaction was to blurt 'NO', but she took a moment to think. The beginning of the night had been horrible. Then she had accused Lieutenant Cifer of poisoning her when she was actually just drunk. She didn't even want to think about what he thought of her now, and was a little surprised to find that she actually cared. She thought of the feeling she got when she saw Ulquiorra with his jacket torn open, and the courage that seemingly came from nowhere. He had showed more emotion in that one night than she had seen the whole time he'd been in the Soul Society…not to mention the bulging erection he had tried to hide from her. Knowing that she had been able to affect him that way gave her a strange satisfaction.
"It was…exciting," she said simply as a smile spread across her face that was usually only reserved for Yoruichi.
All the women cheered and laughed knowingly as Rangiku stood to start the lesson for the next week.
Love it? Hate it? Let me know.
Whose turn is it next? The suspense is killing me. Not really I already know *sinister laugh*
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Shinigami Women's Secret Society