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A Test of Faith	By : honeyMellon Category: Bleach > Yaoi - Male/Male > Renji/Shuuhei Views: 1155 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: No underaged beings, humans or otherwise, are involved in this work of fiction. Bleach and all its characters belong to Kubo Tite, I just "expand" them for fun. I do not make any profit from these work of fiction.

Chapter List
- 15
- 16
- 17
Previously on "A Test of Faith":

"He doesn't want me anymore," Renji said hoarsely. "But you do, don't you, Akari? You want me."

Chapter 16

Sunlight filtered in from the window and landed directly on Renji's eyes, whose bright crimson hair was spread out messily around his head. He stirred and turned to his side, instinctively avoiding the sunlight even though he was still half asleep. But the movement inherently woke him, and he gave a soft groan.
Renji buried his face further into his pillow, unwilling to move. His head throbbed as if he had just bashed his head into a brick wall. Staying still did not help soothe his headache, however, so he groaned again and turned onto his back and blinked.
He stared up at the ceiling; he recognized the distinctive pattern on the ceiling, he was in his own room. But how—? He squinted his eyes and shifted his body further away from the irritating sun rays. Last thing he remembered was...his mind drew a blank as his temples continued to pound relentlessly. With a hoarse, tired groan, he propped himself up onto his elbows and rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand. He looked around the room in confusion, then looked down at himself. He was clad in his sleeping kimono, but he didn't remember putting it on. Then, it all rushed back to him.
Fuck.
In a panic, he turned around, his eyes frantically sweeping the room. His headache was temporarily forgotten, replaced by dread. His stomach seized up; he clenched his mouth shut and swallowed the bile that rose up from his throat. Fuck fuck fuck fuck!
He was alone on the bed; the sheets were in disarray, the corners untucked. His shihakusho from the day before was neatly folded and sat on the bedside drawer, reeking of alcohol. He fell out of bed, literally, landing on the floor in a heap. His hands groped blindly for support from the bed as he struggled to stand up on wobbly legs. His breaths came out in ragged gasps, his mind overtaken by sheer panic.
Akari. Akari!
She was nowhere to be found. The room was empty except for him. He looked at the door; it was partially broken and had clearly been forced into the door frame.
Oh my god what have I done?
The images in his mind came in bits and pieces, but one stood out clearly: Akari's frightened eyes looking into his own as he pressed down on her, holding her arms up on either side of her head and pinning her beneath him. Had he done it? Did he rape her? He couldn't help sobbing out loud at the possibility. He pulled at the sheets on the bed, searching desperately for any sign of blood, finding none.
But then another image fluttered into his mind. Her soft lips against his, her tongue timidly tracing his lips. Her eyes were closed, her cheeks rosy and glistened with a sheen of sweat. She whimpered as he moved his mouth to her neck, placing wet kisses along the way on her soft, cool skin, down to her collarbone...
Everything was a blank after that. He clasped his hands on the sides of his head and let out a strangled cry as he sank onto the floor against the bed. What had he done?
There was only one thing he could do now. He picked himself up from the floor and stumbled into the bathroom to clean up. He had to go see her and find out what kind of damage he had done to her.

Renji walked down the hallway in the girls' dormitory, getting the occasional odd looks from female members along the way. His fists had been clenched tight all the way from his room, and his heart was beating so loudly that he could hear it pounding in his ears. He hoped and hoped that he had not hurt her. Even if he had indeed forced himself on her, he hoped desperately that he had not caused any injuries. The slightest thought of what he could've done to her made him nauseous. The tiny girl would not have had a chance against him. He dreaded what he would find out, but no matter what had happened, he would take full responsibility of his actions.
When he finally came to her door, he hesitated before raising his hand to knock on the door. Even then, his hand hovered inches away from the wooden door, trembling, and he took in deep breaths to calm himself. Then, he knocked.
He heard muffled footsteps from within, and stepped back. If he had really done what he thought he had, the girl would not want to be in such close proximity with him.
The door opened, and Renji steeled himself for the worst.
"Abarai-fukutaicho?" Akari exclaimed in surprise. She had a faint blush on her face, but otherwise she looked fine. In fact, she showed no sign of being afraid of him, or that anything was out of the ordinary.
Renji stared at her in shock. Had it all been a dream?
"A-Akari, what happened last night?" he asked, looking into her eyes to watch for her reaction.
Akari's eyes widened, then she peeked her head out to look up and down the hallway before gesturing for Renji to step into her room. Renji hesitated, then figured that he couldn't possibly talk to her about this in the hallway anyway. He followed her inside and looked around the room, which was neat and minimally decorated with mostly purple-themed items.
Once they settled down at her table, Renji looked at her and repeated his question.
The girl's face reddened slightly, then, she told him everything.

Akari had never felt anything like this before. Her dreams were nothing compared to the real thing. Her vice captain's hot breath on her neck brought goosebumps to her skin, and she shuddered when she felt his wet kisses against her neck. He smelled and tasted strongly of sake; the taste lingered in her mouth long after they broke away from the kiss.
She moaned softly when she felt something hard brush against her thigh. He panted softly as he licked her collarbone and nibbled her ear lobe. She whimpered at the sensations, her pulse racing wildly. She knew what was happening, and she knew they shouldn't be doing this, but this felt so good, she didn't want it to stop. The man in her dreams was finally in her arms...
Renji nuzzled her neck, and for the longest time he stayed there unmoving. Then, Akari felt wetness on her neck that was definitely not from kisses. Warm liquid trickled down to her collarbone. Alarmed, she shifted her head to get a better look at her vice captain. He began to tremble against her body, and she held out her hand to touch his hair.
"Shuuhei..." she heard him whisper.
Suddenly, she snapped out of it. What was she thinking? She pushed the man and rolled him off her body. His eyes were tightly shut, tears flowing down his cheeks like they did just now. As she slid out from under him, Renji turned to his side and curled up in a fetal position, his shoulders shaking as he hugged himself.
"Abarai-fukutaicho..." Akari said sadly. He looked so vulnerable like this, so unlike the great, powerful vice captain she had come to know. But in a way, this made him even more endearing. She propped herself up on one elbow and snuggled up against his back, and stroked his hair soothingly to calm him down.
"I'm sorry..." he murmured in a voice that was barely audible.
"It's okay, it's okay," she whispered. Her eyes watered as she felt his back quiver against her body. She knew, then, that the man's heart only belonged to one person.

Renji stared numbly at the floor, processing what Akari had just told him. Apparently, he had passed out after that, and she had changed his clothes so that he would be more comfortable. Once she was certain that he would be okay by himself, she slipped away and went back to her own room.
So they had not done anything after all. Well, besides kissing, that is. He glanced at the girl and wished he could do something to console her. She had indirectly confessed her feelings for him while she recounted last night's incident, and he felt sad. Sad that he could not return her feelings, and even worse for hurting her by crossing the line. He was thankful that he had somehow managed to stop halfway, otherwise he would've taken advantage of her. He would never forgive himself for that.
"I'm...I'm really sorry," he said, turning to look at her. "I wish I..." He paused. He wished he what? There was nothing he could say or do now to make it up to her.
Akari gave him a small smile. "Don't be," she said gently. "I could've stopped you if I wanted to." She blushed fiercely after saying that, but she kept her gaze steady. Finally, she didn't have to hide it anymore. She knew hers would be unrequited love, but surprisingly, her heart felt lighter now that she'd told him. "I'm really good atkido, remember?"
Renji chuckled at her attempt at a joke; she was being brave as usual.
"You should go find him," Akari said.
The redhead sighed, then nodded. "Thank you, Akari," he said, standing up. The girl stood up as well, then, as if they had an unspoken understanding, they closed their distance and hugged. Akari's lips trembled as she held back her tears, knowing that this would be the last time she would feel his body so close to hers. Renji rested his chin on her head and held her as an elder brother would a sister. "Thank you," he whispered.

Sitting on the roof above Akari's quarters, Shuuhei waited until Renji was completely out of sight before he finally allowed his spiritual pressure to relax and uncurl. Theywere telling the truth after all.
He had sensed the wild fluctuations in Renji's spiritual pressure last night; he didn't know what the redhead was doing, but whatever it was, it was making the man very emotional. He resisted the urge to go to Renji even though every fiber of his body pushed him to. He stayed awake until Renji's spiritual pressure calmed down somewhat, then finally dozed off when his body could not take the the strain anymore. When he woke up with a start that morning, he immediately sensed the intensity of Renji's spiritual pressure, and this time he caved.
Shuuhei followed Renji, hopping from rooftop to rooftop, keeping his own spiritual pressure reigned in to avoid detection. His heart sank when he realized that they were approaching the 6th division girls' dormitory, but he decided to press on.
Placing Kazeshini at Renji's throat had been the most difficult thing he'd had to do in his entire life, and he still couldn't believe that he'd done it. Anger and hurt make a very dangerous combination, he realized. He had lost it, completely lost control over his emotions. He shivered in fear when he recalled what he'd had in his mind at the time. He had wanted to hurt them. And so he did.
When Renji stepped into Akari's quarters, Shuuhei's chest seized up. He told himself that he didn't care...didn't care if Renji was with the girl. He had severed his ties with the man the minute he threatened him with his zanpakutou. But then, why was he here, crouching on the roof of the girl's quarters like a thief? Shuuhei had no explanation. All he knew was that he could not ignore the terrible vibe in the redhead's spiritual pressure.
And so he heard every word when Akari told Renji what happened last night. Now he didn't know what to do. He'd never felt so stupid or felt such regret in his life. His heart broke when he heard how the redhead had cried for him. And the girl...the girl whom he blamed for coming between him and Renji, ended up being the victim. Yet, she had been the strongest one of them all. When the two vice captains wallowed in their own sorrow and anger, she had quietly supported the man she loved, even though she knew that it meant she would never get the chance to be with him. And what did she get in return? Shuuhei had cursed at her, blamed her for all the problems in their relationship. He was the problem, he realized. It was all his fault. He had pushed Renji away himself. First by always letting Renji down, then by questioning his loyalty, and finally, by using Kazeshini against him.
It's over, Shuuhei thought sadly. Renji would come looking for him but he won't be able to face the man. Even if Renji was willing to forgive him, Shuuhei could never forgive himself.

To be continued...
Poor Renji :'( I wish I could hug him to cheer him up too. *sniff*
Sneak preview of the next chapter:

"I understand that you want to punish yourself, but is this really worth it?"
- 15
- 16
- 17
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A Test of Faith