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Do Words Make a Bit of Difference?	By : Yatzuaka Category: Bleach > Het - Male/Female > Renji/Rukia Views: 6390 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach, though I would totes sleep w/ Tite Kubo- he's so on my list. I also make no money from writing this.

Chapter List
- 14
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- 16
His first thought was that something smelled like flowers. He opened his eyes slowly, and was far too happy that dawn hadn�t quite broken through the horizon. The hangover portion of the drinking program was something he'd almost allowed himself to forget over the years.

He listened carefully... There was a slow drone of rain hitting the roof and thanked whatever deities took pity on the hung over for it. He tried to stretch out his reiatsu to figure out that what, who was causing that sense of wrong.

He couldn�t quite manage to get a good read on the spiritual pressure, his head just hurt too much, but over the murmur of the rain, he heard the faint clatter of ceramic hitting ceramic. Coming from the kitchen then, he decided.

He pushed himself off the futon, noticing that he was naked except for his fundoshi. Now that was fairly disconcerting, considering he�d never had a relationship where his partner would have felt comfortable getting him into bed and undressing him when he was trashed.

As he tried to mentally retrace his steps last night, he drank deeply from a jug of water he kept on his nightstand. The last thing he remembered was contemplating the benefits of vomiting on his pillows versus the tatami mats covering the floor of his living room. There was no way he�d have made it to the bedroom in that state.

An unsettling sense of doom, of bone-chilling dread settled over him like a shroud. With the utmost care he wandered over to his closet and pulled out his old favorite, the white kimono with the pink flowers. He ran a hand through the tangled nest atop his head and grabbed Zabimaru from the stand and he made his way to his kitchen. No point in dying unarmed, without his sword, the one partner who'd been with him through the most horrifying events life had to offer.

Nausea pressed uncomfortably at his diaphragm, but there was nothing for it. Familiarity tickled his peripheral senses, making the hair at the back of his neck stand up. Rukia. Of all the questions simultaneously filtering through his foggy mind the most prominent one was perhaps the one he was most accustomed to. The one he wore like a second skin. Why.

He was in the kitchen without remembering the walk there. There was a small bowl of rice sitting on his counter, next to a pot of miso soup which smelled tantalizing, but he wasn�t hungry or daring enough to try to eat anything quite yet. He gently placed Zabimaru on the table next to a small vase of flowers he vaguely recognized as forget-me-nots. He�d never owned a vase and for a second he wondered where it came from.

She was sitting on his porch, her back to him, hair so black it seemed to suck in the grey light of the approaching dawn, riffling in the cool breeze. She was in a purple yukata, and he was forcefully reminded of the first time he�d ever seen her. For a blinking second he was back in the 78th, standing in front of a little girl with no fight left in her.

When she turned around the little girl was gone, replaced with the woman she�d become, the woman he really knew nothing about. She didn�t smile, she just looked at him.

�Aren't you going to join me for tea, Renji?� she asked the man who just stood there staring at her as if he�d seen a ghost. His left hand came up to rub and rub at his neck as he watched her.

He felt stupidly exposed in his kimono, tattoos she wouldn�t have been able to see if he had taken the time to dress properly visible as they trailed to his feet and hands and slashed across his whole chest. Stupid because she had apparently undressed him, and exposed because she shouldn�t have even seen as much as what was visible now. No one, except those in his division ever saw those which were currently exposed anymore, and that was just when it was too hot to train in full uniform.

The few times he�d fucked anybody after the war, he�d done so in the dark, reluctantly giving in to the biological need for relief and release. Even those nameless, faceless few hadn�t seen what she could see now.

It made him...uncomfortable to bare himself. He really should have dressed properly, regardless of how crappy he felt. Strange he felt this way after how naked she�d seen him in the past. Maybe it had been too dark for her to see anything anyway. Strange how he felt this way after all they�d shared.

Dropping his hand to his side he padded outside and settled himself on the cool wood of the porch floor. He could feel her gaze on him and tried to pretend like it didn�t bother him to have her in his quarters uninvited. She pushed a cup of tea at him, but he left it curling little tendrils of steam where it was.

�What�re you doin� here, Rukia?� he said and was sharply reminded of the time she had showed up at his place uninvited two decades ago. Had it really been that long? he asked himself.

He could hear the smirk in her voice when she answered, �Bored. Couldn�t take it anymore. My reassignment to the Seireitei came in yesterday, and�� she paused to sip tea, �I wanted to see you.�

�What�re you doin� in my quarters?� he asked, his voice turning into a gravelly growl.

�I figured you�d prefer me to wait inside where fewer people were likely to notice me. Was that presumptuous of me?� her voice was perfectly calm as she gazed at him over the rim of her cup. Her lips pursed as she blew to cool the tea and took another delicate sip.

�So why did you stay after�� his voice trailed off, oddly reluctant to say anything about being dead drunk, �� and why did you undress me and put me to bed?� his forehead wrinkled as if he was working out a complex mathematical equation.

�If I left, what guarantee would I have had that you wouldn�t have just avoided me, as you�ve done so skillfully the last twenty or so years?� her voice was smoothly melodious and she seemed totally at ease, sipping tea on his back porch.

She had a point there, as much as it galled him to admit it. But, he still had no clue why she bothered to come see him at all. As far as he was aware, she was involved with a fellow Shinigami, and he had let her go a long time ago. He didn�t poach other men�s women and, regardless of the past, had no intention of starting with her.

�That only answers part of my question. Why go through the trouble of putting me to bed?� he may have sounded aggravated, but his face was carefully blank.

�You looked uncomfortable sprawled out on the floor. I undressed you because you kept mumbling that you were hot. Why? Does it bother you? I�ve seen you in less,� she said mildly.

�Say his name, Rukia,� Renji couldn't stop the demand, his voice edged with steel as he looked into the little yard that was separated from the barracks courtyard by rows bamboo. Normally sitting there soothed him, but right then all he felt was angry and flustered.

�What? Whose?� she asked in a monotone.

�Don�t play with me; I�m not in the mood. Say his name,� if his head hadn�t been pounding, he would have raised his voice. As it was, he spoke barely above a hissing whisper.

�Fine. Ashido. Happy now?� she said with the same flat affect.

�Do you still love him?�

�Why do you care, Renji?� she asked so quietly the breeze snatched her words and he was left wondering if she ever had spoken at all.

�Thanks for breakfast, Rukia, but I think it�s time you go. I�ve got a busy day ahead of me; you know, uh, paperwork and what-not to do.�

�Liar. I looked at the duty roster, and you�re off for the next two days. I�m not leaving until we straighten out a few things. Why do you care about the way I say his name or what I feel for him? Why does it matter to you?� she sounded tired, and he tried to convince himself that the status of her relationship didn�t mean anything to him. It didn�t work.

After fortifying himself with a few small and careful sips of tea, he finally answered, �It doesn�t, I suppose.�

�Do you lie all the time now, or is that something you reserve just for me?� she asked, turning to face him.

�For fuck�s sake, Rukia, what am I supposed to do here? Fall at your feet and confess my undying love for you? Fat fuckin� chance. Ya made your choice a long time ago, and I did the same,� she always had been able to get under his skin and piss him off faster than anybody else. A talent that apparently hadn�t diminished in the time they�d spent apart.

�You talk so much shit, Renji, it�s a wonder your place doesn�t stink to high heaven. What choice? You pulled away before we even left Hueco Mundo,� her voice vibrated with suppressed emotion and her face scrunched up.

�I didn�t exactly see you acting as if that tore you up. I stepped aside so you could� whatever. You need to go now.�

�I�m not going anywhere. If you want me out, you�ll have to throw me out,� she said as her chin lifted. When his eyes gleamed speculatively, she added, �And just think of the rumors that would start, Captain.�

�Still a stubborn little bitch, aren�t ya?� he said venomously. �Fine, you wanna know why? I�ll tell ya. After we met back up in the Menos Forest it was obvious whatever it was between us wasn�t gonna work.� He started rubbing his neck again and he looked anywhere but her, suddenly embarrassed at his outburst.

�What is that supposed to mean?� she sounded angrier than he�d heard her in ages, and he wondered why, briefly. He was suddenly tired and he really didn�t feel like dredging up anymore disappointments from the past. It seemed entirely pointless and he�d gone through so much of their shared history in his head the last few days, the last thing he wanted was another go-around. He looked pointedly away.

�Why do you even care? You�re with-� he restrained himself from saying �that asshole�, �Ashido.�

He heard fabric rustling and felt her warm breath brush his cheek. �You don�t understand,� she whispered. That his heart pounded in his chest from her nearness, that her scent still had the power to paralyze him, infuriated him. He flinched when her hand brushed his hair back and he tried to move out of range. She just followed him until he was finally pressed against one of the wooden beams that supported the roof over his porch.

�Stop, Rukia. Please. I can�t do this,� his voiced was laced with desperation and he felt genuine fear for a real person for the first time in years.

She leaned in closer and his eyes widened comically as she slowly invaded more and more of his personal space. He started to turn his face away, but her hand came out of nowhere to hold it in place. �Scared?� she whispered tauntingly the instant before her lips brushed over his.

Soft, warm, sweet and Rukia; all the things he�d missed the most, all the things he�d barely allowed himself to think about the last two decades crashed back full force. She increased the pressure of her lips and then slowly nibbled his full lower lip. Her hand slid around to cup the back of his head, fingers slipping into his tangled bright hair. The gentle tugs made his dick hard in a heartbeat.

As in the past, his brain was vigorously reminding him what a bad idea it was to let the kiss continue, but convincing his body of the same was a different matter. Before he had quite wrapped his mind around the whole situation, before he'd comprehended what the hell was going on, she�d pushed his kimono open and loosened the ties of his fundoshi. Then she was no longer leaning over him, she was settling herself across his lap.

Her naked thighs were oddly cool against his skin, a startling contrast to the heat of her center. The head of his erection barely nudged her downy lips and she could no longer contain a breathy moan. Their bodies rocked against each other as the kiss became something more than lips pressed against lips. His mouth opened and she greedily dove in. One of his arms wrapped around her back, while the hand of other gracelessly shoved the silky fabric of her yukata aside. With something like regret he broke the kiss, even as he knew he had to see the flesh he exposed.

She�d changed so little.

Her nipples were already puckered when they were revealed. He ran a thumb across one, as if testing the sharp edge of a blade. His crimson eyes were focused intently on every expression she made, every breath she took. Her lashes fluttered as he enveloped the softness of her breast in his callused hands. The sound she made went straight to his groin and his cock leaped in response. Her hips continued moving, rubbing, grinding against him, wetting his length.

He could smell her, as he had so often in the dreams he refused to recognize. It filled his nostrils, sending more blood racing down. He could feel his heart beat in his dick, pounding faster every second they embraced. It took all his will power not to merely seat himself as deeply within her as he could, but to try to draw the moment out.

The mist of rain started falling harder and the breeze increased to blow stray droplets across their exposed skin. Cold water trickled tantalizingly across feverish skin. �I love the rain,� Rukia whispered softly in his ear. Her exhalation tickled his ear and he groaned. The movement of her hips grew more frenzied as his fingers closed over the peak of her breast. He bent her backwards, supporting her with his arm as he replaced his fingers with his mouth.

His teeth closed around the areola as his tongue flicked the nipple protruding into his mouth. She shivered and fisted her hands in his hair. Her hips rocked just so, wedging the very tip of his cock in her feminine opening. They both gasped at sensation and she flexed her hips pushing him deeper. The tightness he remembered so clearly enveloped him slowly, torturously. It was everything he remembered and more, because it was her.

It was heaven, or as close as someone like him would ever come to it, the softness, the wetness hugging every inch ever-so closely as he slid inside her cunt. When he was finally seated as deep as he could go, their pubic bones touching, he could only breathe. Any further movement would have precipitated his release, and he had to hold out as long as he was able.

His arms were still around her and he held her motionless as he acclimated himself to the sensations of sex once more. It had been so long since he had indulged in that activity, but he had pride. Enough that he wanted to blow her mind; to make sure that she never, ever forgot who the proverbial man was. Even if it killed him, he was going to fuck her till she remembered and wanted him every single time she got aroused.

That in mind, he lifted her from his lap and got up. With an economy of movement that was nothing short of astonishing, he�d picked her up and carried her to the kitchen, kissing away her protests on the way there. Once inside he set her down next to the kitchen counter and spun her around, so she faced away. He clamped a hand on her shoulder and shoved her so she leaned down as he used his feet to edge her legs apart. With a single rough jerk of his hips, he�d plowed into her as deeply as he could go.

Her sharp gasps and deep groans did nothing to deter the speed with which he moved within her, his hand on her shoulder providing leverage to push her into his thrusts. He had a truly excellent view of her rounded ass as it bounced, as his cock disappeared into her and reappeared all wet and shiny. Her moans became louder and with the door to the porch still open, his decision to cover her mouth with his other hand was easy.

Her back arched and she threw her head back suddenly as her pussy clutched his length spasmodically. Her scream muffled by his hand viciously pleased him on some primal level. Feeling his own orgasm relentlessly approaching, he succumbed to the urge to bite her neck. The feel of his teeth penetrating her skin was enough to make him come. He pulled out just as he started spurting thick ropes of sperm, coating the small of her back and ass. He shuddered helplessly above her, held in the thrall of his body�s release.

After a final involuntary jerk of his hips, he grabbed a towel from the rack on the wall and carefully wiped her and then himself off. She crossed her arms in front of her on the counter and rested her head on them as she heaved for breath. He left her there as he slid the door shut and latched it. He was tired, hung over, but he was still hard, still wanted to take her again. The weakness in his knees stopped him from reprising his performance where they were.

With the same austere grace he�d shown when he�d brought her inside, he carried her to his bedroom slung across his shoulder. She didn�t complain about the sack-of-potatoes treatment; too busy anticipating the next round. When he tossed her onto the middle of his futon and took off his damp kimono, she finally saw him completely naked in daylight for the first time in decades. Every striated muscle stood out in stark relief on those long limbs gleaming with sweat and rain, even more defined than he�d been before, somehow more of a man. Tattoos crawled over his body where there previously had been none. He was truly the finest male specimen she�d ever seen.

When he crept in bed after her, she was reminded how predatory he was in both his motions and appearance, all flexing muscles and piercing eyes and sharp teeth. He looked so serious, so focused; she felt a little intimidated to have that attention fixed on her. In moments, her face was inches from his, her body caught in the cage his arms and legs made. Again the joining of their lips wasn�t close to gentle, but this time it was more a fight for dominance. Unwilling to concede the advantage to him, she used any tool in her arsenal to gain the upper-hand. Her teeth slid along his tongue and she was delighted at the rumble in his chest that caused.

He broke the contact between them and looked at her. Very deliberately he adjusted their position so he knelt between her legs. He maintained that electric eye contact as he leaned down and swiped his tongue down her twat and curled it around her clit as he made his way back up. That he kept his vermilion eyes riveted on hers made it feel at once intimate and naughty. His hands spread her legs further apart; fingers digging into her flesh as his tongue alternately stabbed into her and slowly licked and sucked her with his hot mouth.

The world seemed to contract around them, till there was only purple eyes meeting red eyes, pleasure and pain, wetness and heat. She was incapable of resisting the shivers that wracked her body like a seizure as she fell off the end of the world. Bright spots of colored light spun behind eyelids she�d tightly closed as she wailed his name over and over like a prayer and curse.

Even as she rode out her orgasm, his mouth pressed against hers again, and she tasted herself in the kiss as he once again sank in her depths was an aching slowness. He lifted one of her legs and hooked it over his shoulder. The angle allowed him to stroke new spots inside her and she could no more help that she whined and pleaded for more than she could help breathing. His hips pistoned faster and faster, driving them both towards the point of no return with an inevitability that neither could argue with.

This was what they were made for, they both thought, this joining of their bodies, this ecstasy. His voice penetrated the fog that had settled over her brain and she obeyed his command to look at him without question. Renjirenjirenjirenjirenjirenji. She slowly became aware that it was her voice begging and she couldn�t feel ashamed.

His name over and over, a benediction, a promise like he�d never heard before. Like music, like a balm for all the lonely nights when he�d palmed his cock and imagined a pale imitation of her fire to get himself off. He answered in the softest whisper, Rukia, oh gods Rukia. His hands found her breasts, but he was too lost to do much besides squeeze them roughly. Her nails were cutting deep grooves in his sides, but he didn�t notice.

One-two-three and they arched and cried out in unison. The French call it the little death, and perhaps it was for them then. An eon, a second, it didn�t much matter as they were laid bare to the other, as he was penetrated by her as surely as he speared her. There was no light and no dark, only the clutching, grasping ebb and flow of their essence. They were everything as they shuddered and called the higher powers. When it was over they lay tangled together, their body twitching every so often triggering an answering shudder in the other. The aftermath was nearly as powerful as the climax had been.

Sanity, sense and control returned eventually and he rolled off of her. Familiar as his zanpakatou, guilt ripped though him. One rule, a simple rule really, don�t fuck someone else�s chick. He�d done so many things that he regretted, so many sins and transgressions that sometimes his soul felt like it would collapse under the immense burden. What the fuck had he done? Question asked and answered. He�d fucked her, not once considering the man she�d been attached to for the better part of twenty years.

Shit. He draped an arm across of his face, desperately trying to come to terms with what he�d done and who he�d done it with. Why did it have to be her? he asked himself. When her finger started to trail across his chest, tracing the black tattoos he jerked away. His voice was rusty and coated with anger and reproach when he finally spoke.

�Don�t touch me. Why? Fuck, Rukia, why do you do this to me? I was over you��

She was shocked out of her pleasant thoughts and languidness. �What?� she asked stupidly.

�You fuck around on him so much this doesn�t bother you at all? It�s fuckin� killing me,� he retorted scathingly. How would he be able to look at himself in the mirror now?

�Ashido,� she whispered, finally understanding his apparent loathing, realizing she�d never explained herself. She�d been so intent on finally being able to touch him, on being with him when she finally confronted him again after all that time apart that she�d neglected to explain anything to him. Blame it on her hormones, but he�d always had that effect on her, that innate ability to distract her.

His soft chuckle was completely without mirth, a dark sound filled with antipathy. �There it is. Ha. Such reverence. D�ya love him, hmm?�

Rukia scrambled for the words that could account for what was between her and the Shinigami she�d found in Hueco Mundo. She�d try for honesty, the man next to her deserved nothing less. �We�re not together. At least not in the way you think, not anymore, and not for a long time.�

He rolled off the futon and walked over to the closet where his other two kimono�s hung. There was a huge navy one, with long arms that brushed the tips of his fingers and nearly touched the floor when he put it on. He tied it tightly shut and walked out of the room without another word. She heard him stomp to the kitchen and she flung herself off of the futon and grabbed for her yukata. It was wrinkled and damp, but she put it on anyway and raced after him.

He was drinking sake straight out of a dusty bottle when she got there. The one Matsumoto had given it to him years and years ago, a present to celebrate his promotion. He'd stashed it away, keeping it only because he respected her, having had no intention or inclinination at all to drink it until that very moment. His throat worked as he swallowed, the tattoos on his neck moving up and down with the motion.

�Renji,� she hated that she sounded like she was begging, but there was nothing for it, �I never really loved him. I swear.� She stood in front of him, trying to catch his eye to convince him. �Gods damn it, look at me!�

He did finally and she felt the full burden of his censure. �I�ve seen you two together, so don�t give me that shit. He still looks at you like� I used to. Like you�re his world. I saw you two at Zaraki�s wedding, looking all,� he gave an incongruously delicate shudder, �lovey-dovey. Go, please. Go back to your Ashido, and leave me in peace.�

�Renji... Yes, once upon a time we were together like that, but we both realized it wasn�t worth it. I didn�t feel for him what I,� she took a deep breath, steeling herself, �felt and still feel for you.�

Silence.

She blushed furiously.

He shifted uncomfortably and tried to gauge the truth in her words, tried not to feel the awful hope swell painfully in his chest. Finally, unable to hold it back anymore, he asked, �Why did you call out for him like that when the tunnel collapsed in the Menos Forest then?�

Her shoulders sagged and wondered why he had to make it so difficult. �I was confused, ok? I thought he was dead and that I had failed him. He�d saved me a couple of times by then and I felt so bad that he�d been stuck there, forgotten and alone for so long.� She took another deep breath as she tried to put in words what she should have told him long ago. �So much of what I felt for him when we were together afterwards was twisted up in this weird sense of obligation. And you�d just stopped looking at me like, like I meant something, like you�d always done. It felt like you just didn�t want me in that way anymore. You just gave up and I was pissed and wanted to hurt you like I hurt. Stupid, I know, but� I couldn�t help it.�

She looked at him, willing him to understand somehow, even when she barely did. �After a few months I knew I didn�t love him like that, but I kept trying to force it. I finally gave up trying after a while. We both knew by then it wouldn�t work between us. We hadn�t even been together for years when you saw us at the wedding. He was just my date so people wouldn�t start trying to fix us up with their friends. Renji, I tried so many times to talk to you, I just wanted to know if there was any hope for you to even think about me like that again.�

His face a complete blank, betraying no emotion, and she couldn�t tell if her words meant anything at all to him. He�d looked so reverent while they were making love that she�d thought there was a chance to make right all those wrongs from years ago. Maybe she was mistaken.

Renji couldn�t take it all in, all her words bounced off the armor he surrounded himself with. He felt better that he hadn�t just screwed someone else's woman, but he just couldn�t believe she wanted more than a casual fuck.

�I can�t just be your sex toy,� was all he said, as he looked down, as red stained his cheeks. He hadn't blushed in years. �It hurt, Rukia, so badly, for so long. I just- I can�t be your friend or that guy you go to when you have an itch you need scratched. Not anymore.�

�I, oh gods,� she drew in a shaky breath, �Renji, I love you. I�ve always loved you,� she fisted her hands at her sides and tried not to look as terrified as she felt. How long had it been since she�d spoken those words? To anybody?

He looked up, shocked, like he�d just gotten sucker-punched in the gut. He stepped close and lifted a hand so it almost touched her face. She grabbed it and pressed it to her cheek, looking intently into those familiar eyes of his. �Say that again, please, Rukia,� his voice was barely a low rumble, but she heard him clearly.
�I love you, Renji Abarai.�

~*~

This is what I did at work today instead of doing what, you know, they actually pay me for. Oh, and I had a few adult beverages as well. Do two wrongs make a right? Hmmmm. Must ponder that further. Anyway, this is my X-Mas present to all of you, my dear, lovely, wonderful readers. I should prolly also note that we are not quite done yet.

Thanks and holiday cheer (in the form of virtual liquor:)
SexyBleach, Polymer, Emcielle, Miss-Asuka, Emmie_Chan849, Bill, Arei, Gummie, brainfear and the voters/raters.

Must, MUST mention this AMAZING drawing Arei did:
http://zyephens-insanity.deviantart.com/art/I-ll-Wait-For-You-148073728
OMG, so incredibly, wickedly hot. Big, huge thanks.

Love all y'all!

Now gimme a present in return and review.... ;)

I'm not sure how (other than being slightly drunk and not paying attention), but I accidentally uploaded a chapter to this fic instead of 'Tuesdays', but rest assured I'm working on this one. SWEAR!!!! It will be up soon.

The chapter title is one of the best mashups I've heard. The Police vs. Kings of Leon by DJ Tone369 (don't own/make money from). Listen to it (I think you can find it on youtube). It's awesome.

Lyrics:
Just a castaway, an island lost at sea, oh
Another lonely day, with no one here but me, oh
More loneliness than any man could bear
Rescue me before I fall into despair, oh

You, (Message in a bottle) your sex is on fire
Message in a bottle, yeah
Message in a bottle, yeah
Message in a bottle, yeah

A year has passed since I wrote my note
But I should have known this right from the start
Only hope can keep me together
Love can mend your life but
Love can break your heart

You, (Message in a bottle) your sex is on fire
Message in a bottle, yeah
You, (Walked out this morning, don't believe what I saw) your sex is on fire
Hundred billion bottles washed up on the shore
Consumed (Seems I'm not alone in being alone) with what's to transpire
Hundred billion castaways, looking for a home

You, (Message in a bottle) your sex is on fire
Message in a bottle, yeah
Consumed (Message in a bottle, yeah) with what's to transpire
Walked out this morning, don't believe what I saw
- 14
- 15
- 16
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Do Words Make a Bit of Difference?