Adult-FanFiction.org : Bleach

The Heart in My Hand	By : chayron Category: Bleach > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 10028 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach. It belongs to its respective owners. This fan fiction is not a commercial project, and I am not making any money from writing it.

Chapter List
- 1-Part 1
- 2-Part 2
- 3-Part 3
- 4-Part 4
- 5-Part 5
- 6-Part 6
- 7-Part 7
- 8-Part 8
- 9-Part 9
- 10-Part 10
- 11-Part 11
- 12-Part 12
- 13-Part 13
- 14-Part 14
- 15-Part 15
- 16-Part 16
- 17-Part 17
- 18-Part 18
- 19-Part 19
- 20-Part 20
- 21-Part 21
- 22-Part 22
- 23-Part 23
- 24-Part 24
- 25-Part 25
- 26-Part 26
- 27-Part 27
- 13
- 14
- 15
Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach – it belongs to its respective owners. This fan fiction is not a commercial project, and I am not making any money from writing it.
Warnings:
1. Yaoi (male x male). Ulquiorra x Ichigo and vice versa. Other pairings?
2. Ichigo – almost 19 years old; Ulquiorra – probably a few hundred as a Hollow and about a decade or so as an Arrancar?
3. Post anime (haven’t read the manga).
4. Alternate Universe.
5. I’m not a native speaker, thus expect various language oddities.
6. I’m not very familiar with all the details in the anime, and I am also new to Bleach fandom, so I will be straying away from the canon quite frequently. I do my research but Bleach is a vast universe that is not so easy to grasp. I must admit, though, that there are also things in the anime that don’t make sense to me and I take the liberty of recreating certain parts of this universe as I see fit.
The Heart in My Hand
by chayron (lttomb@yahoo.com), beta-read by Ash
Part 14
Ulquiorra stayed unconscious for three days as his energy pulsed chaotically. He lay in the middle of the training grounds, on the futon, not reacting to anything. Kisuke was at a loss of what to do. Then, finally, on Saturday evening, Ichigo received a call from Kisuke saying that Ulquiorra had come around. The former captain didn’t tell him anything else and, not certain what to expect, Ichigo rushed off to Urahara Shop.
When Ichigo entered the guest room, he found Ulquiorra sitting at the table, eating cake while Kisuke read something on his laptop. There was a mug of steaming, hot tea next to him. The relaxed atmosphere hit Ichigo so hard his legs seemed to turn to wood. He had been worrying endlessly this whole time and it appeared that everything was even better than alright. After greeting awkwardly, the red-head somehow reached the table and sat down.
“So what was wrong with you?” he asked Ulquiorra.
The Arrancar gave him a questioning look. “Wrong with me? There was nothing wrong with me.” His fork delved further into the delicious cake.
The offhanded reply suddenly made Ichigo explode in anger. “What are you saying?” he hissed at Ulquiorra’s surprised face. “I was so worried this whole time!” the red-head spat, pouring out the anxiety he had experienced over the last few days. “Why don’t you ever take other people’s feelings into account? I thought you were going to freaking die! Or maybe you were already dead! Again! It’s been three days! Karin and Yuzu kept asking about you! And now you just brush us off?! How dare you! And wh-”
“So you were worried about me?” Ulquiorra wondered, interrupting the tirade.
“Of course I was, you idiot!” Ichigo growled, enraged. “And why do you think I wa-?”
“Really?” Ulquiorra asked again, his fingers playing with his fork, twirling it round and round. “You were worried about me so much?”
There was something disturbing in the Arrancar’s eyes, and Ichigo closed his mouth, his sentence unfinished. He stared back at Ulquiorra, their eyes locked. “Uhh…” the red-head drawled, suddenly subdued. “I mean, everyone was. Right, Kisuke?” he said, turning to the former captain for help.
“Mm?” Kisuke hummed from the depths of his laptop. He reached out for his tea and took a sip. “Of course we were,” he agreed easily. “Especially me. I would go mad with grief if such a fine specimen were to die! Can you imagine what a loss that would be?”
Wondering why he had even expected Kisuke to be of help, Ichigo turned away from him. “Err… Well…” he muttered when those intense green eyes concentrated back on him. Unable to cope with the sudden pressure, Ichigo turned back to Kisuke. “So what was wrong with him?”
“Well, not ‘wrong’ as such,” Kisuke said, lowering his tea back to the table.
Ichigo grunted. “Not you, too. You can’t convince me everything is alright. He was unconscious for over three days! And look at his mask!” he said, pointing at Ulquiorra’s head. “It’s even more damaged than before.”
Kisuke took a careful look at Ulquiorra’s head. “It is, indeed.” Leaving his laptop, he stood up and rounded the table to come closer to Ulquiorra. He inspected the deteriorating helmet then, in a quick, hardly discernible move, smashed it with Benihime’s hilt.
Shocked, Ichigo stared as the remains of the mask shattered and fell to the floor with soft jingling sounds. He raised his eyes to Kisuke, then his gaze went to Benihime, then to the left side of Ulquiorra’s head.
“That wasn’t necessary,” Ulquiorra told Kisuke, giving him an annoyed look. With his fork, he scooped up the piece of cake he had dropped on the table when Kisuke had struck his mask.
“I’m sorry, I just couldn’t help it,” the former captain said with a chuckle, pointing at Ichigo, who had been stunned into silence. Although Kisuke had only used the handle of his Zanpakuto, Ichigo was staring at him openmouthed.
“Wh-? How? Wh-? Why did you…?” Ichigo was having a hard time making sense of the situation, and his mind was drowning in questions. “What’s going on? And… He should be dead. Why did you do it?”
“The thing is, this is exactly the reason why it got broken in the first place,” Kisuke explained, eyeing the side of Ulquiorra’s head that used to be hidden by the partial mask. “It was redundant and eventually would have fallen off of its own.”
The white bits and pieces of the mask on the floor seemed surreal. Confused, Ichigo raised his eyes to look at Ulquiorra. The Arrancar shrugged at the questioning look. He brushed the smithereens off the table and to the floor where the rest of them lay.
“I kept telling you that I was not a Hollow,” he said somewhat accusingly.
“But you’re not exactly an Arrancar either,” Kisuke pointed out, amused. “Well, not anymore, that is.”
“Can you slow down?” Ichigo grunted out in bewilderment. “I don’t understand anything at all. What’s going on? What do you mean ‘not Arrancar’?”
“Hm…” Kisuke hummed. “It’s difficult to say what exactly he is now, but you can sense his reiatsu, can’t you?”
“What do you mea-?” Ichigo trailed off when he realized what Kisuke was trying to say. Indeed, there was something wrong with the nature of the energy Ulquiorra was exuding. There were traces of a Hollow, as usual; a hint of an Arrancar, too; but mostly it reminded him of that of a Shinigami’s.
“What the hell is going on?” Ichigo muttered.
“And here,” Kisuke said, reaching out to Ulquiorra’s chest with his fan to spread the collar of his jacket apart. “Take a look.”
There was no sign of a Hollow hole anymore. Just pale, smooth skin. Ulquiorra’s cold gaze was threatening and Kisuke retracted his fan before the other man could start expressing his disapproval, either verbally or physically. The former captain rounded the table to return to his seat.
“Errmh…” Ichigo hummed, trying to get his thoughts in order. He stared at Ulquiorra. “So now you’re a Shinigami? But how is that possible?” he asked and Ulquiorra frowned at him.
“I’m not a Shinigami.” Ulquiorra had a feeling he would be repeating this even more often than the times he had tried to convince everyone he was not a Hollow. The irony of the world.
Kisuke cleared his throat. “No, not a Shinigami,” he agreed. “Not exactly, at least. As said, I don’t think this has ever happened before but… I think now he’s more like you or other Visored in general. Well, not quite, but that’s probably the closest comparison I can give you.”
“Oh. But… Arrancars and Visored, aren’t they…?”
Kisuke nodded. “Yeah, they’re the antithesis of each other. Visored are Shinigami who have obtained Hollow powers, while Arrancars are Hollows who have obtained Shinigami powers. It seems that, at some point, Ulquiorra slipped past that distinctive line. Now he’s more like a Shinigami with Hollow powers. Well, this needs much more investigation into the matter,” he said pointing at his laptop. “I’ve run him through most tests but it’s pretty difficult to say anything else so far.”
Ichigo gave Ulquiorra a careful look, who met his eyes and shrugged. “Hah…” the red-head drawled. He wasn’t certain what to think of this and if it changed anything at all. “So how did this happen?”
“It’s probably not a question of ‘how’, but ‘why’,” Ulquiorra told him. He pushed his cake aside. He didn’t particularly like this conversation since he had always felt distaste for Shinigami. It irritated him to be compared to one.
“Okay, why, then?” Ichigo prompted when Ulquiorra stayed silent. He turned to Kisuke, who let out a soft chuckle. “Mm?” Ichigo wondered.
Kisuke shook his head without voicing his thoughts. He had a pretty good presumption as to why this had happened to Ulquiorra and found it quite funny. It was going to be much more fun, though, to wait for Ichigo to figure it out on his own.
“I’m sure you can figure it out on your own,” Ulquiorra told Ichigo, mirroring Kisuke’s thoughts. He pointed at his head, now free of the mask, then to the spot on his chest where his Hollow hole used to be.
Ichigo stared at him for several seconds then slapped his fist into his palm as if in realization. “Wow! Now food won’t fall out of you!” he said excitedly. “Congratulations! Now explain,” he demanded, lowering his hands back to his sides in a frustrated motion. “I don’t get it.”
“And how did they even accept you into that…university of yours?” Ulquiorra asked. He held out his right hand to Ichigo.
“Why are you showing it to me?” Ichigo asked. “Is there something wrong with your hand?” He turned to Kisuke, who had giggled again. “Will you stop that and explain this to me?”
The former captain sighed. “Ichigo, all Hollows wear masks which have formed from their lost hearts. The Hollow hole is the place where their heart used to be.”
“Oh,” Ichigo muttered. “That’s right, Rukia told me that a while ago. That’s why the mask is the most vital part of their body.”
Kisuke nodded. “Yes. Arrancars also have the remains of their Hollow mask, which is just as important to them. Now, look at him,” he said, pointing at Ulquiorra.
“Oh,” Ichigo said, amazed, “you got your heart back. How is that even possible?”
Ulquiorra looked at his right hand and shrugged. “I got it back then, right before I died.”
“Really?”
“Yes.”
“Or so he believes,” Kisuke commented. “He also believes it’s in his right hand.”
Curious and confused, Ichigo looked at Ulquiorra’s hand, finally realizing why the other man kept showing it to him. “Huh? Seriously? In your hand?”
Kisuke rolled his eyes. “Of course it’s not there. It’s in his chest, as per usual.”
“It’s not,” Ulquiorra denied.
“Ulquiorra,” Kisuke sighed, as if about to say something for the hundredth time, “I showed you the scans. It’s in your chest. I don’t know why you keep arguing, but it’s clearly not in your hand.”
“It is,” Ulquiorra repeated.
Ichigo reached out to pat Ulquiorra’s hand. “I don’t think he means the same heart as you, Kisuke,” he said with a chuckle.
“What do you…? Oh,” Kisuke trailed off in realization. He turned to stare at Ichigo. The red-head amazed him sometimes. It was no wonder he had the ability to influence others so much. Ulquiorra was perfectly aware of this as well. There was always some kind of mutual understanding between them, just like now. Ichigo’s fingers were still wrapped around Ulquiorra’s hand, as if it were some kind of a treasure, and Kisuke wondered if Ichigo understood the intimacy of the gesture. Ulquiorra was watching the red-head with an odd look on his face and Kisuke was certain that were there anyone else touching his precious hand, heads would be rolling left and right.
Ah, finally. Ichigo noticed the expression on Ulquiorra’s face. The red-head blinked, his gaze turning shifty, and he retracted his palm awkwardly while blushing in embarrassment. What exactly he was embarrassed about, Kisuke wasn’t able to tell.
“Um…” Ichigo said after a short, uncomfortable pause. Avoiding Ulquiorra’s eyes, he turned to Kisuke. “So it was because of this change that he was unconscious? Is it over now?”
Kisuke shrugged. “I don’t know. These energy fluctuations have been going on for quite some time now and it’s possible that it’s not over yet.”
“For quite some time?” Ichigo repeated. “I haven’t really noti-” he trailed off uncertainly when it occurred to him that he just might have noticed, only that he hadn’t understood what it was. “Is this why you returned home so late the other day?” he asked Ulquiorra. “Why didn’t you just tell me?” he asked again when Ulquiorra stubbornly stared at his half-eaten cake. “Was this why you lost your phone?”
“Well, the biggest transformation has probably already passed,” Kisuke said, since it was obvious that Ulquiorra had no intention of answering. “I don’t think anything more drastic will happen to him. I think it’s more…of a psychological thing.”
“Psychological?” Ichigo wondered. He watched Ulquiorra stare at his cake morosely. The red-head could clearly see that he wasn’t exactly happy about the changes. Ichigo didn’t share the same sentiment. To some extent, he was able to understand why the transformation had happened and was actually glad about it. The psychological changes that Kisuke was talking about must have already transpired, most of them at least, for Ulquiorra to regain his heart. And yet, now he was neither a Hollow, nor an Arrancar, nor a Shinigami. Ichigo wondered if Ulquiorra felt the need to identify himself with any of the races and whether the current situation upset him. The red-head doubted that – while Ulquiorra currently seemed a little misbalanced, he was undoubtedly pleased with his rediscovered heart. The thought made Ichigo smile again.
“Was this why you refused Orihime’s help?” he asked Ulquiorra.
Stabbing at the cake with his fork, Ulquiorra nodded. “I wasn’t certain if her power to reject a wound would work well when she didn’t have a clear idea of what exactly she was rejecting it from.”
“Yes,” Kisuke confirmed. “I’m pretty impressed you realized that.”
Ulquiorra let out an amused snort. “Really?”
Uh…” the former captain trailed off awkwardly after remembering why Ulquiorra was so well-informed about Orihime’s abilities. He turned to Ichigo. “In order to use her power, she sees the person as a whole and rejects what she thinks shouldn’t be there or what she doesn’t want to be there. Since she knows him only as an Arrancar, she might have unintentionally rejected the processes she wasn’t aware of. That could be dangerous, so it’s best to avoid her powers until he stabilizes completely.”
The red-head watched Ulquiorra tap the side of the cake with his fork. It didn’t seem like he was going to eat anymore.
“Well, done eating?” Ichigo asked Ulquiorra. It was already late and he wanted to go home. Ulquiorra nodded and Ichigo stood up. He watched Ulquiorra gather up his dishes and leave the room.
“You’ve trained him well,” Kisuke commented when the soft clang of plates being set in the sink reached them.
“He’s actually pretty neat,” Ichigo told him, walking to the door. He moved aside as Ururu passed him. She went to the table to pack the rest of the cake. “Sometimes he also helps around the kitchen,” Ichigo added. He turned to look at Kisuke, who burst out laughing.
“He’s obviously bored,” the former captain said, still chuckling.
Ichigo rolled his eyes. He saw Ulquiorra return from the kitchen. The packed leftovers exchanged hands.
“He could stay here,” Kisuke suggested before they could leave the guest room.
There was something cunning in Kisuke’s voice and both Ichigo and Ulquiorra glared at him in unison.
“No.”
“No, thank you.”
There was a clear warning in Ulquiorra’s emerald eyes. He had not escaped Mayuri just to become a guinea pig again. He had already given Urahara enough liberties.
“Maybe later, then,” Kisuke said hopefully, not giving in.
Ulquiorra muttered something under his breath and Ichigo decided that they should leave before Kisuke said anything else.
When they returned to the Kurosakis’ house, it was already late in the evening, but no one was sleeping. They were met with surprised looks.
“You seem different,” Yuzu told Ulquiorra, uncertainly. “Are you really alright?”
“Where’s your Hollow mask?” Karin demanded. “What happened to it? Did you get into a fight with some Hollow again?”
Leaving them to question Ulquiorra in the corridor, Ichigo went to the kitchen. His father was watching the late night news at the other end of the room. He turned his head to Ichigo to give him an acknowledging nod and then concentrated back on the TV.
Ichigo crossed the room and flopped down onto the sofa next to his father. “You knew,” he accused, interpreting Isshin’s lack of reaction.
Isshin shrugged. “Well, this is what Kisuke presumed, and it appears he was right.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“It wasn’t certain,” Isshin told him. “It still isn’t.”
They turned to the noise wafting from the corridor.
“What the hell is this?” Kon’s voice demanded. “Are you a Shinigami now? You can’t be a Shinigami! You’re a Hollow! A Hollow!”
There was a shriek and a soft whoosh, and Kon sailed into the kitchen. He passed the whole room in what was probably close to the speed of light and hit the wall just above the TV. He flopped down onto the carpet.
“He doesn’t like being called a Shinigami,” Ichigo informed him belatedly. “I think he hates it even more than being called a Hollow.”
Checking whether any of his plushy limbs had fallen off or not, the bear stood up slowly. “Damn Shinigami!” he declared.
- - -
They went to sleep after midnight, when all the excitement wore off. Ichigo listened to Ulquiorra shifting around in his futon.
“Can’t sleep?” he asked when the turning and tossing went on for a while.
Ulquiorra grunted something out then shifted again. “I feel strange,” he finally said.
“Anything hurt?”
“No.”
“What do you mean by strange?” Ichigo asked.
The other man stayed silent and Ichigo thought he was just going to ignore the question.
“It’s as if there’s too much of something and not enough of something,” Ulquiorra said after a few moments.
“Oh,” Ichigo grunted. Ulquiorra was probably having difficulties adjusting his senses to the changes that had transpired within him. It was probably going to take quite a while. “But now you don’t feel like eating souls anymore?” he asked carefully.
“I don’t normally ever feel like eating souls,” Ulquiorra told him.
“But you nearly ate mine.”
In the darkness illuminated only by the light cast by a street lamp outside, Ulquiorra rolled his eyes. “I was hungry and you were there.”
Ichigo frowned. He knew that it was as simple as that and it bothered him. “So when you’re hungry, you’ll just attack anyone?”
“When did I?”
Ichigo knew he was being unfair. Except for that incident, Ulquiorra had never touched anyone during his stay in Karakura, contenting himself only with Hollows.
“Well, you attacked me after all.”
“Let it go already,” Ulquiorra grunted in annoyance.
“It bothers me.”
“Yes, I can see that.”
“Do I look tasty?”
Ulquiorra sat up in his futon. Ichigo just didn’t give up. “Yes,” he said. “You smell like…” he trailed off thinking of a comparison. “What’s your favorite food?”
“Pizza.”
“You smell like pizza, then.”
“I do? Pizza? Really?”
“Yes.”
“That means you still want to eat me,” Ichigo stated after some thought.
“I’m going to hit you.”
“I’ll hit back.”
“Whatever.”
- - -
“So, you’re a Shinigami now?” Orihime asked excitedly. Ulquiorra glared at her and, lost, she turned to Ichigo.
“We don’t know what he is, but it’s best not to call him a Shinigami,” Ichigo advised her. “Even if he might be one,” he added carefully.
Ichigo watched Orihime smile brightly and wondered what exactly she was thinking. Undoubtedly, she was happy about Ulquiorra. She probably thought that she now had more chances. Ichigo doubted that – Ulquiorra had no plans to stay in the Human World.
As soon as Orihime left, Uryu arrived. There were still a few buns left and Ichigo took them to the coffee table near the sofa in the living room. Uryu sat down and, soon, carrying two mugs with tea, Ichigo joined him.
“Amazing,” Uryu said, taking a bun, “not only are you alive, but he’s also turned into a Shinigami. You’ve still got it!”
“Got what? And he’s not a Shinigami,” Ichigo protested.
“Well, whatever he is, he’s now further away from the dark side.”
Ichigo sipped his hot tea carefully and lowered the mug back to the coffee table. “I think he’s on no one’s side. Or maybe Ulquiorra’s side. He still thinks I’m food. He said I smelled like… What’s your favorite food?”
“What? Why? Mackerel.”
“He said I smelled like ma…” Ichigo gave an incredulous and disappointed look to his friend. “I don’t smell like that. He said I smelled like pizza.”
“Pizza? Why pizza?” Uryu asked, leaning over to take a sniff at Ichigo. “It’s more like unwashed socks.”
“Go to hell.”
“Anyway, what is Urahara saying?”
“He says it’s never happened before and he doesn’t know what to expect.”
Uryu looked surprised. “I’d expect more of him.”
Ichigo leaned back into the sofa, getting more comfortable. “Well, he says that Arrancars are a new species that have barely existed for more than a decade. It seems like there’s no information on them except for what’s catalogued by Aizen. And now he isn’t even an Arrancar anymore. Well, not quite at least.”
“What does Ulquiorra think about this?” Uryu wondered.
“He thinks that I’m tasty.”
Uryu rolled his eyes. “Stop complaining already. If he hasn’t tried to eat you again, he won’t. If anything, he’d just choose an easier target. Safer to digest so to speak.”
“Pfft.” Amused, Ichigo chuckled. “Yeah, as if. Shows what you know of him.”
<center>ooOoOoOoo</center>
“He’s found his phone,” Ichigo announced enthusiastically as soon as he entered the guest room.
“Hello,” Kisuke greeted, not showing much joy about the news and not even raising his eyes from his laptop screen. He scrolled down the page and continued reading.
“Hey,” Ichigo greeted as well. He crossed the room and sat down at the opposite end of the table. “It seems he took it to heart,” he gushed cheerfully. “I told him he shouldn’t lose things so easily. He must’ve been out searching for it all this time.”
The former captain’s face lacked expression and Ichigo deflated somewhat. Recently, Ulquiorra had been more sociable and much more inclined to share his thoughts and ideas with Ichigo. The red-head was very content with that.
“He’s been out killing Hollows,” Kisuke finally said, pushing his laptop aside. “He’s threatened to kill every Hollow in Karakura if his phone doesn’t appear. He’s been causing terror and panic amongst Hollows for the last three days. It seems they finally had enough brains to return it.”
Ichigo stared at him. “Oh, it was stolen. I didn’t know,” he muttered, his enthusiasm gone completely. “Killed them? That’s way overdoing it. It’s just a phone…”
“It’s not a matter of justice,” Kisuke said carefully. “It’s about boundaries. He won’t forgive Hollows trying to step over an Arrancar.”
“But he’s not an Arrancar anymore,” Ichigo said. “Why play these dominance games?”
Kisuke shook his head. “It’s not what you think. Nothing’s changed for him. I don’t believe he’ll ever consider himself a Visored or a Shinigami. No, never a Shinigami. I think he’s killed more than twenty Hollows over these past few days and...”
Ichigo looked completely disappointed and Kisuke sighed. “Well, he probably got the phone back because of the reasons you’re thinking of but… Ichigo, this change hasn’t affected his personality. It’s the opposite - the change has happened exactly because he has that kind of personality.”
“I know that,” Ichigo protested.
“Yet you seem to have some sort of misconception,” Kisuke said with a shrug. “His becoming more like a Shinigami instead of a Hollow didn’t make him different inside. Not yet at least.” Kisuke pressed a hand over his chest. “Shinigami are faulty too – they can be ambitious, greedy, scheming, just like Humans or Hollows. Aizen is the perfect example. If anything, Ulquiorra’s personality may change for the worse, or he’ll slip back into being an Arrancar.”
“Could he?” the red-head asked.
Kisuke shrugged. “That’s highly unlikely, but I can’t guarantee it won’t happen.” He watched Ichigo, who was musing over his words. “As an Arrancar, he lacked certain emotions, but he compensated with reasoning and logic. Now his heart is back, meaning that all of that has been turned upside down. He’s still the same, but now he has to cope with additional stress. He’s quiet and doesn’t talk about himself so it’s difficult to say what he’s thinking. You’ll have to make sure he doesn’t get lost in his emotions like Aizen did.”
“He seems fine to me.” Ichigo sighed. “I think the only one who’s getting lost in his emotions is me.”
TBC
- 13
- 14
- 15
You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.
Report Story

The Heart in My Hand