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A Test of Faith	By : honeyMellon Category: Bleach > Yaoi - Male/Male > Renji/Shuuhei Views: 1155 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: No underaged beings, humans or otherwise, are involved in this work of fiction. Bleach and all its characters belong to Kubo Tite, I just "expand" them for fun. I do not make any profit from these work of fiction.

Chapter List
- 13
- 14
- 15
Previously on "A Test of Faith":

"You're un-fucking-believable!" With a growl, Renji grabbed Zabimaru from its stand and flung open the door. He turned around and spat,"Have a good night!" The door slammed shut, shaking the walls, then he was gone.
Phew, here's another giant of a chapter! ^.^

Chapter 14

Kuchiki Byakuya shot another glare at his vice captain in exasperation. How many times must the man yawn, and why did he have to do it so loudly? He looked ridiculously messy too; his hair was up in a ponytail but stray strands hung limply around his face without the bandana that usually held them in place, his shihakushoseemed strangely rumpled and tight, and those dark circles...
"Are you feeling ill, Abarai?" Byakuya finally asked when the redhead yawned again.
Renji blinked and wiped away the tears that had gathered at the corners of his eyes from yawning so much. "Sorry, taicho," he muttered, twisting his neck around to loosen the tight muscles. "Didn't sleep well last night." The truth was, he hadn't slept a wink. After leaving Shuuhei in his room, he had gone to his office to spend the night, seeing that he had nowhere else to go. Sure, he could've gone to Ikkaku's, or even Matsumoto's, but then he'd have to do a whole lot of explaining. He really wasn't in the mood to talk at all. Even so, since he had been wearing his sleeping kimono when he stormed out, he had to go to Ikkaku's anyway, to borrow one of his.
The puzzled look on Ikkaku's face would've been funny if Renji hadn't been in such a foul mood. Luckily for Renji, the bald man wasn't the type to pry so he managed to borrow a spare shihakusho without much trouble. But, Ikkaku being just a tad shorter and skinnier than the redhead, the borrowed clothes were a bit of a tight squeeze. Feeling self-conscious and uncomfortable, Renji couldn't help fidgeting the whole morning. That, coupled with his tousled appearance and excessive amount of yawning, nearly drove Byakuya mad.
The tenth yawn was the final straw. With an annoyed noise that could almost be described as a grunt—but grunting was so unbecoming for a noble—Byakuya put down his brush and looked at his vice captain. "You're dismissed, Abarai-fukutaicho," he said cooly. "You are clearly not fit for duty today."
"Wha—" Renji sat up with a start. "I'm sorry, taicho! I'm fine, I just—" He clamped his mouth shut when his captain narrowed his eyes dangerously. He knew that look; it was the do-it-now-or-you-shall-face-the-wrath-of-Senbonzakura look. With a resigned sigh, he pushed his chair away from the desk and stood up.
"I'm sorry, taicho," the redhead said quietly before stepping out of the office, his shoulders hunched.
Byakuya stared after his vice captain. The man was usually so feisty and energetic to the point of being hyperactive, so this was highly unusual. Whatever it was, it had better not drag on for too long, otherwise he would have to do something about it, and Byakuya loathe to meddle in his colleague's private lives, especially Abarai Renji's.

With a frustrated sigh, Renji buried his face in his hands. He sat under a tree at the edge of the 6th division grounds, head between his knees, feeling miserable. When he tried to sleep at his desk last night, the argument he had with Shuuhei kept replaying in his mind, each iteration making him feel worse than the last. I've had enough of this shit! Did he have to say that? What if Shuuhei took it to mean that he wanted to leave for good?
At the same time, he simmered in the indignity from being spied on. What was left between two lovers if there was no trust? Had he not shown Shuuhei how much he loved him? So what if Akari had feelings for Renji? It wasn't like Renji would act on it. She was just a little girl, for god's sake! Well, sure, he shouldn't lead her on, but the girl hadn't done anything to show Renji that she liked him, so wouldn't it be strange for him to suddenly stop being around her? He was a straightforward person, but even he would not ask a girl outright whether she had feelings for him! He wondered how he would go about it; hey, do you like me? He snorted at the idea.
"What's so funny?" Renji nearly toppled over from his position when a feminine voice suddenly rang beside him.
Straightening up in a hurry, he looked up to see the very person he really did not want to see at the moment. Akari stood there, a bento in her hand, looking at Renji with a curious look.
"Did I scare you?" she asked with a cheeky smile. When she saw the sombre look on her vice captain's face, her smile faltered. "What's wrong?"
"N-nothing," Renji said hastily, feeling a bit embarrassed to be seen by a subordinate looking so rumpled. He slicked his hair back and redid his ponytail in an attempt to look slightly more presentable. Akari felt a little uncertain, but sat down in front of him anyway.
"Are you okay?" she asked in concern, then felt foolish for the asking a stupid question. Of course he wasn't okay. She was reminded of the night she first went to Rikichi's quarters to catch him in action with Hisagi-fukutaicho; his eyes had had the same look then. She sniffed the air, but found no scent of alcohol. Good, at least he's sober.
"Here," she said, opening her bento and offering it to Renji. "Would you like to have some onigiri? They're fresh, I just made them this morning."
Renji eyed the food and swallowed. He was hungry, and the food looked really tempting...then his hand was suddenly tugged forward and he felt the weight of an onigiribeing pressed firmly into his palm.
"Eat," Akari commanded.
The redhead hesitated for a few more seconds, then he brought the rice ball to his mouth. It was good, he thought as he took a bite and chewed.
Akari remembered how he had been alone that night when he'd looked like that. "Did you have a fight with Hisagi-fukutaicho?" Akari guessed, watching her vice captain's face for a reaction. His eyes widened in surprise.
Bingo.
Renji struggled to swallow the bite of rice that suddenly seemed too big in his mouth. He held up his palm to signal for Akari to wait. Then, he said, "Did Rikichi tell you or something?" If Rikichi could hear them having sex, he'd have to be deaf not to hear their screaming match last night.
Akari shook her head. "I can tell," she said softly.
What's this "I can tell" business? First Shuuhei could apparently tell that the girl had a thing for him, and now Akari could tell that he had a row with Shuuhei? What were they, freaking psychics? He grunted, which Akari took as a yes.
"Do you want to talk about it?" the girl asked gently. She was kind of afraid to know, because she was sure that she'd feel really uncomfortable hearing about her vice captain's relationship issues. Can she remain neutral and help the man, or simply make things worse? Either way, she couldn't stop herself from offering, because she couldn't bear seeing him like this.
"I..." Renji paused. If Shuuhei was right and Akari did have feelings for him, this would be highly improper...yet, all he saw in her eyes was sincerity and concern, and he really needed to talk to someone. With Rukia in Karakura town, he didn't have anyone else to go to. Ikkaku would be bored to death in two seconds and would probably kick his ass for being all soppy and emotional like that, going to Yumichika...well, he might as well just publish it in the Seireitei Communication magazine, and Matsumoto would probably just get him drunk, and Kira...the man already looked depressed enough. So, yeah, he really had no one to turn to, and he wasn't the type of person who could live with his feelings all pent up.
"Well..." he began. He scratched his head. Well, he couldn't very well tell her that she was the source of their fight, could he? "It's kind of complicated," he said finally.
"Oh," Akari said. She fiddled with the grass at her feet. "How so?"
Renji looked towards the sky. "Well, I don't know if you know...but Shuuhei has the tendency to...I mean, he's a workaholic, you know?" When Akari nodded, he went on. "We don't really get a lot of time to spend together. I whine about it but...I know it's just how he is. His life is about justice, about his duty, about Gotei 13, and I respect that, you know? It's a part of him...I just wish that he'd give me the same respect."
Akari nodded, unsure how to respond. What he said was deep, yet so very vague. What on earth did Hisagi-fukutaicho do to make Abarai-fukutaicho feel disrespected? It sounded like the 9th division vice captain was being a little hypocritical, if she understood it correctly.
Renji didn't seem to mind that his audience was silent. "And I can't believe that he doesn't trust me," he continued. There was so much sadness in his voice that Akari felt a pinch in her heart. She wanted so much to reach out and touch his face, to make that sadness go away. "But then again, I said some things that I shouldn't have," he added.
Renji stopped after that. There wasn't anything else he could say without going into specifics. That pretty much summed up his thoughts anyway. "It just isn't fair," he whispered without realizing that he had said it out loud.
Akari heard, and sighed. "Sometimes," she said slowly. "Life isn't about fairness. It's just...whether you think the price is worth it." She thought of her brother; how it was so unfair that he was taken away at such a young age when he had so much to offer to the world. He had accepted his fate, and instead of cursing his luck, he had transferred his passion to her. He probably could've lived a bit longer if he had not insisted on continuing to train her and encourage her to pursue her—their—dream, but he was content with what he chose to do.
Renji was taken aback at the maturity in the girl's words. He paused to ponder what she'd said. "I won't survive the war, Renji, I know it. I don't want to drag you into an emotional investment only to have your heart broken." Shuuhei's words from a while back rang in his ear. "But we're here now. Why should we suffer now when this could be our final moments in life?" Renji had replied then.
It wasn't fair that they had so little time to be together, he thought bitterly. It wasn't fair that they might both die—or worse, one of them dies—but they had decided that they would embrace what they were given. It wasn't fair, yet they'd accepted it; death and potential heartbreak be damned.
But unfair to the point that Shuuhei wouldn't let him do what Shuuhei does himself? Renji wasn't sure how he should feel about that. His first reaction had been to be enraged, but now that he thought about it...was Shuuhei really that angry about Renji staying late? No, he realized suddenly. Their fight wasn't so much about Shuuhei not liking the fact that he worked late; it was what Renji was doing when he works late that made Shuuhei upset. Sure, he was an asshole to spy on Renji, and Renji had every right to be angry about that, but that was just a sign of Shuuhei's insecurity...was it not?
Renji buried his face in his hands. He could think of a thousand reasons to justify Shuuhei's actions, and now he didn't know if he should feel angry towards the man or not. He imagined himself being in Shuuhei's shoes. Renji worked under a captain who loved him, and now he was spending hours after work to train someone who had feelings for him—at least Shuuhei firmly believed it so. It must really suck for Shuuhei, he thought, eyes widening in realization. He had just never given it much thought, never thought of what things looked like from Shuuhei's perspective.
With a frustrated growl, he sank his head further between his knees. Akari looked at him sadly, then she said, "I don't know what really happened, but it sounds like you both need some reassurance from each other." She hesitated before adding, "You know, sometimes the smallest things can mean a lot."
Renji looked up. "What do you mean?"
"My father used to do this little thing that makes my mother smile in a way nobody else could. She had always been a little sickly, but she loved flowers. We had a beautiful garden but she couldn't really visit it often, so my father would bring her a flower and place it next to her pillow every morning." Akari recalled. "It meant the world to my mother. Even after she died, my father still brings a flower to her grave every day."
Renji smiled at the story. It was sweet, but it was...how should he put it...a little out of character for him. Abarai Renji—loud, rugged, testosterone-filled—and flowers... Renji snorted out loud at the sudden mental image despite his bad mood.
"It doesn't have to be flowers!" Akari said, hands on her hips. For a moment, her bossy, almost-motherly manner reminded Renji of Rukia, and he shook his head.Shuuhei, Shuuhei, why would you think a girl like this would have a thing for me?
The truth was, Akari was struggling to keep up her front. She wanted nothing more than to take the redhead in her arms and hug his sadness away. She wished that she could to go up to Hisagi-fukutaicho and demand to know what the hell he did to her vice captain.
The irony of the situation was driving her insane. Here she was, giving relationship advice to the very man she wanted for herself. She didn't know whether to pity herself for having to go through this pain, or to feel proud of herself for managing to be an objective listener thus far.
"Can't you think of anything? Make him something perhaps? He made you a bandana last time, right?" Akari prodded. "Maybe you can do something like that?"
"Me? Sewing?" Renji pointed at himself, looking incredulous.
"He wears jewelry, right? Maybe make him one of those chokers?" Akari suggested, referring to the choker and armbands that Hisagi-fukutaicho sported around his neck and biceps.
"Nah, those aren't ornaments," Renji said. In fact, those deceptively-innocent looking "jewelry" were actually explosives. He frowned and searched his brain desperately. Handicraft just didn't go well with him, he'd sooner make a complete fool of himself before getting anything productive out of it. Then his eyes widened slightly as he remembered something. "He has this really nice sleeping kimono that was, uhh...ripped by accident," he said, preferring not to elaborate on the accident. "But...I dunno...is this really going to work?" He looked skeptical.
"Trust me," Akari said with a firm nod. "I'm sure he would appreciate your effort, even if it doesn't look that great," she added, much to Renji's chagrin.
Renji scowled. "If you say so," he said grudgingly.

On the other side of Seireitei, Shuuhei sat at his desk, massaging his temples in an attempt to soothe his throbbing headache. It was useless; his head continued to pound in time with his heart beat, making him feel nauseous. A cup of tea sat forgotten by his right hand, long gone cold from neglect.
A soft knock startled the man, causing him to flinch in surprise. The teacup tipped over, and the few pieces of paper close to it were instantly soaked with the greenish liquid. Swearing under his breath, Shuuhei stood up to pick up the mess. At the same time, he called out for the visitor to enter.
"What happened?"
Shuuhei recognized the familiar voice of his best friend, Kira Izuru. The blonde 3rd squad vice captain strode across the room to grab a piece of cloth to wipe up the spilled tea.
As Kira let the cloth soak up the liquid, his eyes flicked to his friend's face. The man's tired, slightly-swollen eyes immediately caught his attention.
"Hey, what's wrong?" Kira asked, his voice heavy with concern.
"Nothing," Shuuhei said, laying the damp paper by the window sill to air them out. He sighed inside; there was no way his best friend would let him get away with this answer.
Kira said nothing. He folded his arms across his chest and waited.
"Really, everything's fine," Shuuhei insisted, but he kept his gaze away from Kira's face, knowing that he won't be able to hide his emotions from Kira's sharp eyes.
"Hisagi-kun," Kira said with a frown. Why did they have to go through this every time? Shuuhei was a lousy liar and the man clearly knew it himself, yet he still lied blatantly as if Kira was a fool.
With a loud sigh, Shuuhei sat down heavily in his chair and threw his hands in the air. "What do you want me to say?" he asked in an annoyed tone.
Kira let out a sigh of his own. "You guys had a fight," he said, more of a statement than a question.
Shuuhei groaned. "Why do you always stick your nose in our business?" he asked in exasperation. He knew Kira only wanted to help, but for god's sake couldn't the man see that he didn't want to talk about it?
The blond-haired man didn't take offense. "Because you're always so bad at handling problems like this," he said simply.
"Oh, please," Shuuhei grunted.
"Why do you always keep things bottled up?" Kira asked in irritation. "Is it so hard to let your best friend help you?"
Shuuhei bristled at Kira's question. "Because I can't afford to walk around with my emotions on my sleeves, that's why! Morale in this division is already low enough, they don't need a leader who can't keep himself together!"
Kira lifted his eyebrows and looked at his friend calmly. "So watching you mope around is supposed to make them feel better?" he asked dryly.
Shuuhei smacked his palm on his desk. "Damn you, Kira! Yes, we had a fight, are you happy now? Can't you just get off my back for once?" he yelled.
Kira sighed and unfolded his arms. His features softened and he leaned forward to face his friend. "Hisagi-san," he said gently. "Do you remember how long it took for you two to finally acknowledge your feelings for each other? Do you remember how miserable you were before, trying to keep your feelings from him? Because I remember. I remember how heartbroken he was when he thought you weren't going to make it, and I remember how heartbroken you were when you thought he was dead, too."
Shuuhei breathed heavily and stared at his blonde friend. How could he possibly forget all that? "What's your point?" he asked wearily.
"My point is," Kira said slowly. "My point is to remind you that the two of you mean the world to each other. I don't know what you guys fought about, but I can sense that it's serious...very serious. You know as well as I do that sitting here alone simmering in your emotions is not going to solve anything."
Shuuhei grunted and looked away, then, he leaned forward and held his head in his hands with his elbows propped on the table. For a moment the room was silent except for the soft fluttering sound of paper being tickled by a breeze. Kira kept his gaze on his friend and felt a pang of sadness. The last time Kira saw Shuuhei in such a state was back when Shuuhei was struggling with his feelings for the redhead.
"You can talk to me," Kira said softly, kneeling down in front of his friend. "I may not be able to do anything, but I can at least help you get that weight off your chest."
Shuuhei's shoulders trembled as he fought to reign in his feelings. Damn you, Kira, he thought, feeling the painful tightness in his chest again.
"I..." he said, his voice breaking. "I messed up, Kira. I really messed up this time." Then, like a dam that had overflowed, he poured everything out to his friend, who simply kept quiet and listened; how he had felt jealous and insecure, and how he had resorted to spying on Renji, and eventually, how they had ended up parting in anger.
Kira gave Shuuhei's arm a reassuring squeeze. He sighed inside. Neither of them were completely right or wrong in this; both had done things that had hurt the other.
"I feel so insecure, Kira..." Shuuhei said in a small voice. "I felt so insecure that I...why didn't I just ask him? Why?" His voice cracked. "Now he thinks that I don't trust him and I don't know what to do to convince him that I do."
"Hisagi-kun," Kira said. "We both know what Abarai-kun is like. Once he calms down, he will realize that he has wronged you too. So why don't you go and find him, see if you guys can talk it out?"
Shuuhei looked up. "You really think so?" he asked, feeling a little hopeful.
"I know so," Kira said firmly.

To be continued...
So, lemme know what you think! ^.^

Oh, and in case anyone's wondering, the backstory of how Renji and Shuuhei got together is in "Till Death Do Us Part". ;)
Sneak preview of the next chapter:

"How could you..." His voice broke, as did his heart.
- 13
- 14
- 15
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A Test of Faith