Adult-FanFiction.org : Bleach

Underneath It All	By : Raceysama Category: Bleach > Yaoi - Male/Male > Grimmjow/Ichigo Views: 4160 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 2
Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach, any of the songs mentioned are not my own, nor do I make any profit from these works......

Chapter List
- 13
- 14
- 15
CHAPTER 14: YOU'RE SUCH AN IDIOT
Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach or "Never Too Late"...
Onwards...
XOXOXOXO
This world will never be
What I expected
And if I don't belong
Who would have guessed it
I will not leave alone
Everything that I own
To make you feel like it's not too late
It's never too late
Even if I say
It'll be alright
Still I hear you say
You want to end your life
Now and again we try
To just stay alive
Maybe we'll turn it all around
'Cause it's not too late
It's never too late
No one will ever see
This side reflected
And if there's something wrong
Who would have guessed it
And I have left alone
Everything that I own
To make you feel like
It's not too late
It's never too late
Even if I say
It'll be alright
Still I hear you say
You want to end your life
Now and again we try
To just stay alive
Maybe we'll turn it all around
'Cause it's not too late
It's never too late
The world we knew
Won't come back
The time we've lost
Can't get back
The life we had
Won't be ours again
This world will never be
What I expected
And if I don't belong
Even if I say
It'll be alright
Still I hear you say
You want to end your life
Now and again we try
To just stay alive
Maybe we'll turn it all around
'Cause it's not too late
It's never too late
Maybe we'll turn it all around
'Cause it's not too late
It's never too late (It's never too late)
It's not too late
It's never too late
-Three Days Grace-
XOXOXOXO
Karakura Town
August 2008
"Your boss is his uncle?" he asked disbelievingly. Ichigo glared at him, syrupy-brown eyes exhausted.
"Yes, Grimmjow, for the millionth time, yes!"
"Oi, don't get snippy with me 'cuz you're tired."
They were seated on the couch waiting for the spaced-out red head's uncle to arrive, and Grimmjow had been asking Ichigo question after question, because things just didn't add up, or even remotely make sense. However, Ichigo was being snarky and irritable, and he knew it was because they were both beyond tired, so he didn't really take offense to his boyfriend's attitude.
Grimmjow stretched his arms above his head, leaned back into the plush cushions, and felt sleep trying to pull him under as he yawned loudly. Ichigo snorted beside him, and before he could comment, he had a lap full of orange-haired man.
"I know how to keep you awake," Ichigo murmured as he straddled his hips.
"Ya think that's a good idea with Captain Homophobe in the room?" he whispered, blue eyes wide with anticipation. Ichigo gave him a sly smirk as he arched a brow.
"Scared?"
Scared? Pfft.
Grimmjow gripped the smaller man's slim waist, and pressed their hips together as he claimed those soft lips. Ichigo grinned against his mouth, then gently nipped his bottom lip. Grimmjow felt the familiar warmth, that always accompanied kissing Ichigo, begin flaring in his stomach, languidly spreading as tongues got involved, and the orange head's hand found purchase in his hair.
Before anything could go further, a loud noise similar to a game show buzzer sounded throughout the apartment. Figures. Ichigo stood and moved to the wall beside the front door where the apartment intercom rested. He pressed a small white button on the gray console and leaned forward saying, "Urahara?"
A click, then, "Yes, it's me, Kurosaki-kun."
Ichigo held down a black button for several seconds, then turned towards where the drunk, red head silently sat. Grimmjow heard an amused snort, and lifted a brow in question.
"What?" he asked. Ichigo glanced at him and grinned.
"Idiot's asleep."
Grimmjow stood, peered over the back of the love seat, and, sure enough, the red head was slumped over on the floor, mouth open as he drooled and softly snored. Upon turning his attention back to Ichigo, Grimmjow noticed a small smile pulling at his lips as he looked on nostalgically.
"Ya miss 'im, dontcha?" Ichigo jerked his head towards him as if he had forgotten Grimmjow was there, then he shrugged.
"He was my best friend for years, of course I miss him. I just wonder what fucking demons are haunting him and making him act the way he does."
Grimmjow quirked his lips as he leaned against the back of the love seat. "Well, didn't ya say he started screamin' when ya pinned him down? Maybe somethin' bad happened to him a long time ago that he just never forgot about," he mused aloud.
That idea had been sitting on his mind ever since Ichigo had told him everything that happened. For a guy to turn on his best friend, something serious must have gone down. Again Ichigo shrugged.
"I don't know, but I plan to get some answers," he stated firmly as a knock sounded at the door.
Grimmjow reclaimed his seat on the couch as Ichigo swung the door open, admitting a slim, blond and older-looking man. He wore a green and white striped bucket hat, a green loose-fitting, v-neck tunic, and green linen pants. On his feet were a pair of wooden sandals that made Grimmjow stifle a chuckle by tucking his lips between his teeth, while glancing at Ichigo incredulously.
As soon as the Urahara guy stepped inside, his gaze was immediately drawn to the prone red head lying on the floor. The man snapped his attention back to Ichigo, who was busy closing and relocking the door.
"What happened to him?" Urahara questioned softly, a slight furrowing to his brow.
Ichigo shifted uncomfortably before launching into the whole story of his and Renji's altercation. Grimmjow sat back listening, avidly searching for reactions from Urahara, but the blond only stood rigidly wearing a blank expression.
"And that's where he's been since. He must've fallen asleep while we were waiting for you, but Urahara, what the hell? What's wrong with him? Why'd he flip out like that?" Ichigo's face was utterly bewildered as he leaned against the back of the love seat.
Urahara scowled before his face took on a defeated disposition and he sighed heavily. Grimmjow was beginning to get impatient. If the blond knew something, then he'd better tell Ichigo because he-more than anyone else-deserved an explanation for his ex-best friend's behavior. Grimmjow had just opened his mouth to comment, when Urahara spoke.
"Could you help me get him on the couch, please, Kurosaki-kun? Then, I'll tell you what you wish to know."
Grimmjow stood and made his way to the sleeping man on the floor, then held his hand up to halt the other men's steps.
"I got 'im. You two've got some talkin' to do," he stated, and in one fluid motion hefted the red-haired man to his feet. He slid the near unconscious man's arm over his shoulder and carried the dead weight to the couch, where he laid him out.
When Grimmjow turned back to the other two men, he chuckled at their raised eyebrows, particularly Ichigo's blushing face and lust-filled brown eyes. Huhn.
"I did play American football for years, ya know. I'm not this big for nothin'," he grumbled good-naturedly. Urahara blinked out of his surprise first and moved to the couch, seating himself at the stretched out red head's feet.
"Thank you, umm..." the blond trailed off, dark eyes glinting as he stared at Grimmjow.
"Grimmjow."
"Ah, thank you, Grimmjow."
"No problem," he responded as he moved to the love seat, followed by Ichigo, who plopped down beside him, face still slightly flushed.
"Kurosaki-kun, I must ask you first...how long have you known my nephew? I'm afraid he's never mentioned any friends or even enemies he's ever had." Urahara looked exhausted, as if the topic of discussion was taxing all of his energy.
Grimmjow felt his boyfriend shift nervously, and slipped an arm around his waist for support and comfort, just to give the smaller man reassurance that he was there for him. Ichigo glanced over at him with a small smile before returning his focus to the blond man seated on the couch.
"Renji and I were best friends a long time ago. Since junior high actually, until he found out that...that I'm gay. He flipped out on me, telling me he didn't wanna be friends anymore. That he hated queers and since I wanted to be one...he-he hated me. A-after that, everytime he saw me, there was a fight, most times physical. The last time I saw him, before tonight, was in October last year. He uh, he and his friends, they, um, they jumped me. I was pretty beat up. They almost killed me," he ended with a whisper, lowering sad nut-brown eyes to the floor.
Grimmjow grit his teeth, hating the fact that there was nothing he could do to ease Ichigo's pain. He tightened his arm around the orange head's waist and nuzzled his temple. Ichigo chuckled softly before glancing at him, eyes shining with mischief.
"Thank you, dear," he murmured sarcastically, and all Grimmjow could do was smile. Little bastard.
XOXOXOXO
Karakura Town
August 2008
Ichigo turned back to a stunned Urahara and lifted a brow. That wasn't the reaction he'd expected from his cheery blond boss. He opened his mouth to speak again, but Urahara beat him to it.
"Kurosaki-kun...you..." the poor man widened his eyes and lowered his gaze to the floor, "that's unacceptable. I had no idea what Renji was doing."
It was Ichigo's turn to sit in stunned silence as he watched Urahara wringing his hands and shaking his head. It was fucking unnerving, but aside from that, how didn't the man know what his own nephew had been up to?
"How-" he started but was cut off.
"I've tried to reach out to him, but he completely shut me out after...after..." Urahara faltered, sighed deeply and continued, "you must understand, Kurosaki-kun, that Renji is very...damaged. He'd had a very horrifying experience as a child before he came to live with me."
"Wha-"
"I'll explain. Renji came to live with me at the age of eight, but before that he lived with his mother and step-father. His real father died a few months after he was born, so he never knew him; then, his mother remarried when Renji was five. His mother worked a lot because her husband was a lazy good-for-nothing, so Renji was often left alone with the man in the evenings," Urahara paused and Ichigo felt nausea slowly creeping up on him, as a sense of foreboding descended over him like a dark cloud. Oh god. Urahara took an even breath before continuing, his dark eyes glittering angrily. "When Renji was eight years old, his step-father raped him."
Ichigo pitched forward, clutching his stomach tightly as he fought against the bile rising in his throat. His chest tightened and he squeezed his eyes shut, but tears still sprang from beneath his shut lids. Jesus Christ! No fucking wonder Renji was so fucked up! He also realized why the red head had never said anything to anyone. He had probably been trying to forget that part of his life, not to mention being humiliated by it.
Ichigo grit his teeth painfully and shuddered. Renji related all things homosexual to what had happened to him, and it was no wonder he shunned it. The trauma had warped any sense of rationalization when it came to being gay; logic and reason didn't exist. Ichigo felt like he'd been mule-kicked in the chest when he thought back to the day he and Renji had stopped being friends.
It all made sense. Renji's sheer rage and disgust. His rejection. He probably felt like Ichigo had betrayed him, especially after he'd lied and told him he wasn't gay.
"Ohhh, gaaaahhhd, I was so fucking stupid," he groaned, as he covered his face with his hands.
"Oi, you couldn't have known, so don't beat yourself up about it. Just-just...don't," Grimmjow said sternly, pulling him to his side. Ichigo was grateful the man was there, but he still felt terrible. It had been his job as Renji's best friend to know shit like that about him, yet, he hadn't even known the boy's family.
"He was my best friend, and I couldn't even help him. I didn't even know!" he blurted. He turned to the sleeping red head and looked at him with new eyes. Then, something occurred to him. "Urahara, why didn't his mom help him?"
"She did. She came home from work and caught the man red-handed, still-still bent over Renji. She lost control of herself and killed her husband. She ended up having a breakdown afterwards and to this day resides in a mental institution in Nagasaki, which is why I took Renji in," Urahara explained somberly.
Ichigo massaged his temples with his fingertips as he tried to alleviate the sudden headache hammering behind his eyes. This was too fucking much for him to ingest all at once. His ex-best friend had been beyond damaged, and not only didn't he know, he hadn't been able to help him in any way. In fact, he may have even worsened the situation. God help him.
Grimmjow just tightened his arm again briefly, letting him know he was there if Ichigo needed him, and he was so damned grateful for it. He leaned into his blue-haired boyfriend's hold, laying his head against the man's shoulder as he sighed helplessly.
Now that Ichigo knew why Renji had reacted so badly to his sexual orientation, the fights and beatings paled in comparison. His best friend had been raped, his innocence stolen at an age where homework and video games should've been his only concern. Not only that, but his mother had been taken from him as well.
"Urahara, why didn't you get him any help? He was too young to deal with that shit on his own!" Ichigo snapped angrily, not understanding why the man would let his nephew live like that. The blond man bristled at Ichigo's tone, but his eyes held an enormous amount of remorse.
"I tried. Time and time again, but he never stayed at the sessions. He refused. I couldn't force him, and then, as time went on, he seemed perfectly fine for a while. All the way until high school."
Ichigo felt the blood drain from his face as realization set in. Renji had been fine because of their friendship, and then he'd found out about Ichigo's sexual preference in the worst way, probably causing the boy to snap.
"W-what happened then?" he asked, needing to know what drastic measures Renji had taken afterwards. Urahara sighed wearily, leaning forward to place his elbows on his knees and his face in his hands.
"He withdrew. Just stopped talking to me and his cousins. A few months later, Renji moved out. He took his savings from helping me in the shop, and moved into his own apartment. No amount of discussing, pleading, arguing and downright yelling could change his mind, but I knew he was only going to get worse if left to himself. The only thing I could do was keep in touch with him, as much as he allowed me to. I called him, visited him, but he shut me out. He rarely speaks to me now." Urahara's voice was saddened and dejected, defeated and utterly helpless.
Ichigo knew that Renji was stubborn, hell, it was one of the many things they'd had in common, but he had no idea the red head was so pig-headed as to reject his own family. Ichigo stared at the sleeping man and shook his head.
Christ, this was horrible. He had no idea what to do for his friend.
XOXOXOXO
Karakura Town
August 2008
Shit, his head was killing him. Once again, he'd had too much to drink. So much in fact, he didn't even remember what happened after he left that bar downtown. Dammit, his head was pounding like a drum.
Suddenly, he heard quiet talking and scowled when he recognized the voice of his uncle. Where the fuck was he that his uncle was there while he slept? The next voice had his eyes snapping open in astonishment. What the fuck was going on?
He slowly turned his head in the direction of the voice he'd just heard, and his eyes narrowed when they settled on Ichigo's face. Those brown eyes were focused on his, and his mouth was pressed into a thin line.
Why the fuck was Ichigo there?
Before he had a chance to look around and survey his surroundings, Ichigo was kneeling right in front of him, eyes wide and filling with...tears? Why? What the fuck was going on? He sat up on his elbows and sneered at his orange-haired ex-best friend.
"What the fuck're you doin' here? Where the hell am I?" he forced through clenched teeth. Ichigo didn't move, shit, he didn't even look like he was breathing.
"R-Renji."
Renji recoiled as if Ichigo had slapped him and curled his lip in disgust. How dare he?
"Don't call me that, ya fuckin' fag!" Renji snapped.
There was a low growl emanating from where Ichigo had been sitting before, and that was when Renji noticed the strawberry's blue bodyguard glaring at him threateningly. Renji's back stiffened considerably. What the fuck was he doing there? Where was he?
Again, before he could give a proper reaction to his environment, the most unexpected thing occurred. Ichigo sat beside him on whatever he was laying on-a couch, he supposed-and wrapped his arms around him tightly. Eyes the size of silver dollars, all he could do was sit with his mouth agape.
A torrent of different emotions swept over him in that instant. Astonishment, fear, anger, regret, guilt, but most of all...love. He'd forgotten how good it felt to be near his best friend, so much so, that he lost himself to the moment and lifted his arms, wrapping them around the orange-haired male before him. He squeezed his eyes shut, and tightened his grip as his chest began to feel like someone was sitting on it.
Renji couldn't find his voice, and even if he had been able to, wasn't sure what he would've said. This whole scenario was wrong in so many ways. He hated Ichigo because he was gay, the very condition that destroyed his life and made him the way he was today. Not only that, but Ichigo should hate Renji right back for everything he'd done to him. So then...why the fuck were they hugging and clinging to one another? They were no longer friends, hell, not even acquaintances. So...why? So many questions, but no fucking answers.
At that moment, Ichigo decided to speak softly. "Gay men aren't the same as your step-father was, Renji."
Tension seized his muscles as he tried to pull away, but Ichigo remained steadfast. Renji started thrashing, trying to use his legs as well, but his headache coupled with the many emotions that had just rushed through him left him with a bone-deep weariness. No matter how hard he fought to get the strawberry off him, the guy wouldn't budge. Giving in, he sat still, but hostility and suspicion radiated from his very pores.
"How do you know about that?" he bit through clenched teeth.
"Does it matter?" Ichigo snapped back impatiently. "I want my best friend back."
Renji paused uncertainly. Should he believe Ichigo? After years of believing that all gay men were the same: evil, kid-raping freaks, how could he believe otherwise? How could he even trust Ichigo after he had lied to him?
"I don't trust you," Renji whispered, tears beginning to cloud his vision. "You lied to me. I loved you, Ichigo, you were my brother...an-and you lied to me. I can't believe anything you say to me now."
His voice cracked horribly, but the words needed to be said. He needed Ichigo to know how he felt, what he'd been through, why things could never be the same between them.
"I know...I know. But...I was scared! When you came to me that day under the cherry blossom tree in the park and asked me why I hung out with Shinji, knowing he was gay, I knew if I told you the truth I would've lost you. I should've told you, I should've been honest, but I hadn't been thinking and I was so scared. You know how being scared feels, don't you?" Ichigo explained in a rush, his words ending in an urgent whisper.
Renji swallowed the lump rising in his throat as he nodded. He knew fear first-hand and had no desire to feel it again. The icy sensation that slid down his back and gathered in his stomach, as he fought nausea and his body broke into a cold sweat; yeah, he knew fear alright.
"Renji, I-I'm sorry I lied to you. I shouldn't have, but-but...god, I don't wanna fight anymore. I know shit won't go back to the way it used to be, but can you-can we be friends again?"
Renji frowned, tears tracking down his cheeks. He really loved Ichigo and he really wanted to be friends again, but...he didn't know how to go about it. His irrational fear of all homosexual men was what kept him from remaining friends with the Strawberry when he'd found out he was gay, it kept him abusing the boy that had been nothing but kind to him, treating him like the brother he'd never had, but always wanted. That kind of fear didn't dissipate overnight, but...he was willing to try. If it meant being close to Ichigo again, then he would try. Renji brought his arms around Ichigo again, squeezing tightly as he nodded his head.
"Y-ya can't lie to me anymore, Ichigo," he mumbled.
"I won't."
"Promise?" Renji's voice wavered slightly with the uncertainty he was feeling at the moment. Ichigo pulled back enough to look Renji in the eyes as he nodded twice.
"I promise," he stated firmly. "I wanna help you get better."
Renji grinned crookedly and lowered his gaze before bringing it back up to lock with warm brown. He thought if anyone could help him it would be Ichigo, so he nodded in return.
"I'm going to help you as well, Renji," his uncle Kisuke stated from the end of the couch.
The man's dark eyes seemed almost haunted, but were beginning to shine with relief. Renji could tell his uncle had been stressing because his normal five o'clock shadow had morphed into full-on shaggy stubble, and his shiny blond hair seemed dull and lifeless.
"There's a friend of mine, Unohana-san, she's an excellent therapist that you should see. I know you don't like the idea, Renji, but I think sh-"
"It's ok, Uncle Kisuke, I'll go. I don't wanna be afraid anymore," he said softly.
Ichigo fidgeted uncomfortably, making Renji glance at him with an arched brow. What was it now?
"Ichigo?"
"Renji, I wanna introduce you to someone," the strawberry said softly, rubbing the back of his neck the way he used to when they were still friends. Some things never change.
"Ya mean, yer blue bodyguard that's been glaring at me the past few minutes?" Renji teased, glancing at the blue-haired man that was still burning dime-sized holes into Renji's face.
The man was fucking huge; he could see it even with the guy sitting down. His body was built like a brick wall, and he was really tall, his long legs stretched in front of him. His piercing blue eyes were narrowed and locked on Renji, as if daring him to object and emanating intimidation. Renji remembered the large, silver gun the man had pointed at him that night in October and shuddered.
"I ain't gonna sugarcoat shit; if ya even think about touchin' Ichigo the wrong way again, I'll kill ya myself," the blue-haired man rumbled disgruntledly, his deep voice echoing through the apartment.
"Grimm!" Ichigo admonished with wide eyes. The blunet only shrugged lazily and lifted a blue brow.
Renji nodded at the man in understanding. He could see why he felt that way, and honestly didn't blame him one bit. He would probably be the same in his shoes.
"Renji, change won't happen instantaneously, and the fact that you've managed this much progress in such a short time is astonishing, but I suppose true friendship works wonders," Kisuke stated with a tired smile.
Renji nodded and glanced at a now softly bickering Ichigo and his boyfriend. He knew change would come slowly and that his fear wouldn't completely subside immediately, but like his uncle said, true friendship works wonders.
XOXOXOXO
Tokyo
August 2008
Rukia bustled down the empty, narrow alleyway, sniffling slightly. She had caught a summer cold from sleeping in the subways in Karakura Town, and was unable to get rid of the runny nose that had been plaguing her for the past two weeks.
Her black t-shirt clung to her thin frame, but her jeans did the exact opposite, hanging loosely across her hips and bagging around her ankles. Her hair was limp and dirty, and she knew she smelled less than desirable at the moment, but her mind was on one thing alone...the purchase she was about to make.
She had broken into her old home she used to share with her older brother, and stolen quite a bit of money from his safe. The anal man never changed the combination and it had been child's play getting what she had needed. She would be able to buy a couple of new outfits and sleep in a hotel tonight-after she made her purchase, of course.
Rukia crept down the alley until she reached a large, black metal door, where she knocked three times the way she had been informed to. The person she was coming to see had a spokesman/partner in Karakura Town, by the name of Zangetsu. The man portrayed himself as a hobo, but in reality, was far from one.
After asking one of her fellow subway-mates about the purchase she wanted to make, she was directed to the quiet man wearing shades, seated in the far corner of the subway. He had given her very clear and concise instructions, as well as directions to where she needed to go, and here she stood, waiting to see a man named Shirosaki.
The large door swung open revealing one of the strangest-looking people she had ever had the privilege to meet. He wore a wide, face-splitting grin, his skin was pale as notebook paper, his hair was an ash white, and his eyes had to be the weirdest thing about him. Golden irises anchored in black sclera made up his seeing organs, and simultaneously gave Rukia the fucking creeps.
"Well, nah, Zangy-kun tol' me I'd be havin' comp'ny t'day, but he didn' mention how cute ya'd be," his watery-sounding voice bounced off the alley walls. "C'mon in, dolly."
Rukia nodded stiffly and followed the strange man inside the brick building, jumping frightfully when the door slammed shut with a reverberating "clang". Shirosaki led her down a damp, moldy staircase and into a gray-walled office adorned with a large, burgundy couch pushed against the west wall, and a metal desk against the adjacent wall.
She wrinkled her nose at the tangy smell in the air, and noticed a hand-rolled cigarette still smoldering in a black, plastic ashtray on the metal desk. A short sturdy glass filled with a brown liquid sat beside the ashtray. Shirosaki plopped into the leather desk chair, and swiveled around to face her after picking up the glass and taking a quick sip.
"So...how c'n I help ya, lil lady?" he inquired, eyeing Rukia in a way that made her shift uncomfortably.
Straightening her shoulders and back, and tilting her chin defiantly, she reached into her pocket and withdrew a wad of money, then locked eyes with the strange man before her.
"I need a gun."
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Underneath It All