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Salvation	By : Mirrors1984 Category: Bleach > Het - Male/Female Views: 13169 -:- Recommendations : 2 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I don't own Tite Kubo's Bleach or make any profit from this fic.

Chapter List
- 12
- 13
- 14
Chapter 12
Just how much baby stuff is there?
For the last hour, Orihime had introduced a traumatized Tatsuki to something she has privately deemed as 'baby world'. How her friend had discovered everything from special foods to eat that supposedly gave children inhaced intelligence while in gestation and even music that 'soothed' them while in the womb was beyond her. The girl had only known she was pregnant for the past two weeks and she already had a list of possible baby names and what colleges the unborn kid could go to.
It was almost horrifying to watch, but she forced herself to be there for her friend. To Orihime it was important to have a female close to her to share something so important with. She guessed that Rukia couldn't really participate due to how busy she was in keeping other passing shinigami from detecting what Ogichi truly was.
"So have you seen Kurosaki-kun again?!"
That cheerfully asked question had her jerking on her seat on Orihime's living room couch. It was an innocent enough question. How could she answer that? Ichigo hadn't called or looked for her and she accepted that in spite of how much it hurt that he just forgot about her after...
It was just a one night thing. Why do I keep beating myself so much about it?! It's not like he remembers it all the time; why should I?!
The last thread of their friendship had been severed. She had to face that crude fact.
"No, Orihime-chan... I haven't." Damn did it hurt to say it! Even though Karakura was a small town, Ichigo was no where to be seen. The only things she knew of him came from Karin who said that he usually stayed up in his room for most of day to leave late at night. Tatsuki didn't want to even think about what he was doing. Just wondering if he was making other girls feel the same thing she had with him was torture.
Beside her, Orihime widened her eyes, obviously seeing the sadness Tatsuki tried to hide.
"Did something happen, Tatsuki-chan?" the question was soft and concerned, almost making her want to crack and tell her. She really needed to let it out, but was held back. Knowing that Orihime had once loved Ichigo for so many years was what kept her from confessing. Telling her that she had sex with him would be like a betrayal.
"No," she lied, forcing a smile and leaning forward to the coffee-table in front of them to grab a magazine. Feeling Orihime's studying eyes on her, she exclaimed at her with a snort, "Honest! Nothing's wrong, Orihime-chan! Those mother hormones are getting the best of you!" Making herself seem relaxed, she opened the magazine and leaned back on the couch, making sure that most of her face was covered by the laminated glossy pages.
"You're just as bad as I am..." hearing Orihime's soft whisper, Tatsuki stiffened.
"Did you know I have a meet three weeks from now?" she hurriedly changed the subject, closing the magazine to grin at her. "From what sensei has told me during practice, I'll surely get the gold medal this time."
"Tatsuki-chan... Are you sure that Kurosaki-kun hasn't hurt you or anything? I mean... He was acting rather strange that day at the restaurant and after you left with him for the clinic, you avoid talking about what happened afterwards."
"What's there to say other than he threw a fit at Karin for saying something that pissed him off and me watching Clash of Titans and Cloverfield three times in a row with the twins?"
Her friend studied her for a couple of moments before nodding and beaming as if the awkward questioning hadn't happened.
"Well if that's the case, then where's your meet at?!" Tatsuki couldn't keep a smile from her face as Orihime quickly shaked off the gloom. She honestly hated lying to someone as innocent as her. "I missed the last one because of that problem Ogichi had over at that club, but this time I really want to go!"
Barking out a laugh, she looked at her excited friend amusedly, "I really want you to come too; just make sure that Ogichi doesn't get drunk and start using people's heads for bottle-throwing practice again."
Orihime blushed in embarassment for her husband's bad temper which made Tatsuki want to laugh harder.
"Tatsuki-chan, it's not funny!" she chastised as she continued to laugh until her face reddened brightly.
Good thing Ogichi isn't here because he'd probably think it's normal to crack people's heads open if he sees me laughing about it!
About two months earlier, Ogichi had been arrested for agravated assault on a club bouncer. Eventually after the 'reasons' behind his violent reaction were discovered in court, he got away with a clean record while the bouncer both got fired and a charge on sexual harrassment against another male. During the time the Hollow had been arrested, Orihime had to find him a lawyer and also miss her meet in a nearby town that was taking place at the same time.
It had been a mess, but Tatsuki had forgiven her friend upon finding out and even aplauded Ogichi's self-defense, though she didn't voice it out loud. It wasn't a really good idea to incourage someone as deranged as him.
Just recalling how Orihime had comically told the pouting Hollow after he had been released that saying 'fat ugly bastard' and 'ass' in court was rude had her howling and falling on her side as her friend looked hurt by her amusement. Orihime had been so beet red in repeating her husband's usual string of profanities that just picturing the look on her face had her gasping for oxygen as she laughed obnoxiously.
"But you have to admit that Ogichi has come a long way, Tatsuki-chan!" the hurt in her voice had Tatsuki trying to stop her laughter. Coughing a couple of times, though still lying on her side, she looked at her long time friend and smiled playfully at her.
"You're right..." Orihime was very sensitive when it came to her husband's true nature, just as he was protective towards her. They were an odd couple... The sweet girl with the perpetual foul-mouthed smartass, yet they seemed to blend perfectly with one another.
That must be nice...
She wasn't thinking about romantic love, or so she told herself. What she felt was good about seeing two people not normally meant to be together so deeply in love, was the strong loyalty and acceptance. Those two even loved each other's flaws even if they caused trouble, because regardless of Orihime telling Ogichi it was wrong to curse in a courtroom, he had sulkily remarked that she had burst out giggling when he had done it.
They were so strange, yet so damned united, in spite of the ugliness and sadness their relationship had many of them facing from the begining. Now that she thought about it, she couldn't see a better match for her friend other than the high-strung sarcastic Hollow she had married. That was why no matter how many times she had wanted to hit him for making Orihime suffer so much pain before getting his own body, she couldn't bring herself to. They just seemed to fit enough to the point to make it look like a crime to separate them.
Ichigo tried...
That thought had her once good-humored smile disappearing.
"Tatsuki-chan...?" Orihime looked at her worriedly as she sat up slowly on the couch.
"It's nothing, Orihime-chan!" she gave her a quick smile before saying, "Now tell me about those names you came up for the baby!" Seeing her friend's eyes brightening in childish enthudiasm, she felt a sense of relief at having something else to think about other than the friend she used to have and had just lost.
***
Ichigo had walked though every alley and street in Karakura. He made sure to only do it at night to avoid running into anyone that knew him. Answering questions about what he had been doing over the past year of absence didn't sound like a good converstaion topic considering his true circumstances.
At times such as those, he felt so stupid without any thoughts on where he was going and why. There was no use in knowing because he didn't see a bright future for himself. Why waste his time in fixing something that seemed to have no resolving? He couldn't help destroying everything he touched; it was a part of his nature or had been once he had seen the truth behind his entire life.
Due to his late night walks, he slept for most of the day. Exhausting his body appeared to work in keeping his need for numbness at bay, though he still felt anxious and carried a sour snappish attitude when asked a simple single question:
"How are you doing?"
That damned question always threw him headfirst into a private hell. His lips would tremble and his heart would hammer violently, but no words would every come out as if his body refused to relieve him of such guilt.
Tatsuki...
Rolling to lie on his side on the bed, he saw the clock on his desk and slightly widened his eyes in shock.
It was past 1:00 pm. He had no idea how fast time flew by when he lied in bed just staring at his ceiling. In the begining time hadn't bothered him, but now he viewed every passing hour as something that ate away his mind.
I can't stay in bed all day! Geez! No wonder Dad keeps nagging me about 'getting out more'!
The only reason why he sat up weakly on his bed wasn't because he didn't want his family to wonder what was wrong with him. If they kept seeing his self-destructiveness, they would figure it all out.
That wasn't an option. His misery was his own. Not exactly something to be dragged out in the open. Not something worth pitying. He had dug his own grave and he alone had to deal with it the only way he could.
Unfortunately, his dismal view of things kept him weak and his thoughts weren't focused and constant. The only thing that remained without changing was Tatsuki and the dispicable fact that he had tainted her by dragging her into his self-made hell.
Why did he have to be so fucking weak?! It disgusted him to think that way. It was just an automatic thought that popped into his head when he least expected it.
He did the only thing he could do. He got out of bed and headed to the bathroom, making himself think of changing his new bad daily routine. It was easier said that done since as soon as he saw his face in the bathroom's mirror he cringed at how haggard he looked.
Shadows that looked like bruises marred the skin under his eyes, his tanned skin was sallow and his hair looked wilder than usual. What unnerved him the most was the lifeless flatness of his eyes.
He might as well be dead. Even feeling too much, he appeared to be physically glacial and detached from everything and everyone.
His eyes showed the state of mind he wished he could have. Empty and lacking in emotion because emotion only brought pain.
He tried the best he could to not look so lifeless by washing his face, attempting to fruitlessly tame his crazy hair that just couldn't stop standing on end and applying some eye-drops from the medicine cabinet for his sleep-deprived bloodshot eyes.
Seeing himself after all that work still had him gag.
I look the way I feel... Like shit.
Almost laughing out loud at that, he left the bathroom to go downstairs. He still ate regularly but in a totally off schedule. He ate breakfast at noon, ate again at nearly eight o'clock and then during his late strolls he made himself eat whatever junk he could buy at local stores that happened to be open at that time of night.
It wasn't much, but at least he wasn't in a pathetic hunger strike. He did have his limits, even if it was just for something as normal as eating. Sadly he couldn't control all else in his daily life.
Once in the open doorway of the kitchen, he froze at seeing one of the twins there.
Yuzu was in the process of cleaning up after everyone else had luch. Her back was turned to him while she washed the dishes at the sink.
He really hated to run into his family in the house. It always had him think of renting a place until his six months in Karakura were over. The less people saw his change, the better. Someone that didn't know him wouldn't over-analyze everything that wasn't right about him.
"Ichi-nii?" Just as he had dreaded, Yuzu turned her head to the side.
Crap! She's going to see it! She going to see that I'm dead...!
When his sister turned around fully to smile at him in greeting, he felt that he had grown considerably paler than usual.
"Hey, Yuzu!" his attempt to smile only resulted on having the corner of his lips twitching and Yuzu's brows shot up at how awkward he was just standing there.
"Oh! You must be hungry!" pushing aside his strange attitude, probably more for her benefit than his own, she beamed while rapidly wiping her wet hands on her apron before going to the refrigurator.
Okay... I can do this.
If it had been Karin or his loud-mouthed father, he would have been put on the spot. Lucky for him Yuzu was either too polite or too innocently ignorant to read into him.
Feeling a bit more comfortalbe now that she was busily taking out food to set on the kitchen counter, he took slow jerky steps to the table and pulled out a seat.
Sitting down, his eyes stared vacantly at the clean wood surface of the table. He stayed like that for minutes without paying attention to anything else.
"...Karin-chan left to watch Tatsuki-chan practice and...," he let her chatter on while staying silent, though his ears unwillingly picked up his friend's name.
Tatsuki... He couldn't stop thinking about her. Her name kept crawling into his brain like a pleasant disease.
Under the table his fists clenched. He felt that he missed her, in spite of her always beating him up and just pointing out things he liked to hide. She was his closest friend, closer than anyone... Someone he was supposed to respect. Not a sexual object or someone he had just briefly met for a one-night stand. The fact that she was and always had been above all other girls made his actions even more repulsive. he had twisted their friendship. How could he have shown her that part of himself?!
Those were the kind of things that had been plaguing his thoughts lately.
I have to see her again... Even if she kills me.
Clearing his throat, he grimaced when Yuzu looked his way and saw his very pale embarassed face.
"Um...," he swallowed, his throat dry for some reason, "Do you know where Tatsuki's practice is?" Back in high school she hd used the gym there. Now in the local university...
"She goes to some place across the street from the hospital," Yuzu informed him without showing any hints of surprise at his question.
"Oh," was all he could say. He knew of the place she mentioned and didn't want to speak further on the subject because it would just make him too obvious. His sisters would be dismayed if they found out about him seducing Tatsuki into having sex.
He had already shown what an asshole he could be when feeling too exposed. It was practically an uncontrollable part of him that exploded to defend himself.
Going to see Tatsuki also meant that he would have to face Karin, who was still very pissed at him.
This isn't going to be easy, but then again nothing is... least of all for me.
***
Practice was already over and Tatsuki still felt too energetic. Sometimes the adrenaline brought on by a fight did that to her. Her body was stronger than that of most girls and was far more resistant to physical pain and soreness.
However on that day the rush of energy wasn't what had her wanting to continue, but the need to let out her anger and helplessess. It had fueled her extra viciousness that had the poor males in the guy falling victim to it shrivel in fear.
"Wow! You really were something today! Who pissed you off?!" Karin laughed once she walked over to the bleachers to sit beside her.
Panting, Tatsuki gave her a trembling smirk while wiping off some sweat from the sides of her face with a towel draped around her shoulders.
"Just-getting ready for-the meet!" she rasped out between harsh breaths before taking a deep gulp of water from a bottle she had carried with her there.
"Then if that's the case, you need to save that kind of energy for the competition and not for these losers here!" snorting, Karin rolled her eyes and rested her elbows against the higher bench behind them.
"I hear ya'! Can't get rusty though!"
Her clothes were sticking to her in sweat and her chest felt as if it were on fire. She had lied to Karin, of course, because on that day she had truly outdone herself. Bruises were allowed during practice since they appeared quite naturally, but she had made her opponents bleed which only meant that she had used uneccessary force.
At this rate no one will want to spar with me...
"There goes that guy that got his mouth busted," Karin remarked and in response Tatsuki looked up to see a tall young man holding an icepack to his swollen lips.
As if sensing her eyes on him, he looked her way in evident fright and sped up his pace to leave the near empty gym in a rush. The heavy gym doors banged loudly in his cowardly escape.
Next to her, Karin burst out laughing at that reaction when all she could do was muster a weak smile. She had no right take her anger out on the guys. It wasn't their fault that she was still upset at herself for being so willing with Ichigo. If things had taken place under different circumstances, she wouldn't have felt so much guilt and anger.
That was a laugh! If Ichigo hadn't changed he wouldn't have seduced her in the first palce. None of the same would exist because nothing would have happened. She knew him and he was naturally too shy to pull something like that off, meaning that his diminished pride and self-respect had him losing all qualms at least... at least when it came to relieving himself physically.
That was how he regarded life now. Something as intimate as interwinding nude limbs and joining two bodies together had lost all emotional significance to him. If only she could let it go as easily as he probably already had.
He may have done it hundreds of times before, but she... only that one time and with him of all people. That's what made it all the more personal. Someone she thought to have known inside and out had done that with her. Ichigo wasn't just some ordinary guy...
The double metal doors of the gym opened and closed thunderously, which couldn't be helped. The gym, especially when empty of all people and cleared of all training equipment had a tendency to echo out every little sound.
Instinctively, she looked in direction of the loud metallic clanging and had her pulse racing at who was walking slow steps their way.
Ichigo... Her eyes widened and instantly her cheeks ached in a hot stinging blush. She was frozen in her seat, her stare glued to him, taking in everything in his appearance like she hadn't seen him for years instead of days. Just having him there, staring directly at her, had her oddly excited and somehow fearful of what he would say upon reaching them.
Why is he here?
Gulping, she felt like kicking herself for being so freaking giddy. It was just Ichigo. Yet even as she mentally shouted that fact, she unwillingly liked to see his uncommonly bright hair and the masculine angles of his familiar face. He was no longer a kid with the chubbyness of youth, but a man. How hard it was to accept that after growing up alongside him! It was difficult to even admit to herself that he was undeniably attractive in spite of having sex with him and seeing the naked perfection hidden under his clothes and purposely awkward gait.
Relax and just breathe... He's not doing anything weird. He's probably here for Karin anyway.
When he stopped in front of them, she was sure that her whole face was bright red, mostly because he wouldn't stop looking at her.
"Tatsuki...," her heart hammered in a rush,"we ah... need to talk." The way he said her name wasn't close to sexual, yet hearing him say it had a shiver run down her spine. He had said her name plenty of times that night too. Was that why she was feeling so strange?
"I guess that means that I have to leave, right?" Karin asked dryly showing her dislike at the idea and Ichigo glanced at her dully.
"I have to to talk to you at the house too," he finally murmured after a brief silence.
Clenching her jaw, she studied him for a couple of tense seconds before rising off the bench. Walking by him to leave, Tatsuki distinctly heard her mutter to him, "Don't do something stupid."
He merely nodded as the younger girl left them without looking back.
Once alone with him, Tatsuki shifted nervously on her seat, and her nervousness grew most all when his eyes fell on her.
"You wanted to talk?" she asked in a surprisingly steady voice.
"Yeah...," looking just as nervous as she felt, he took the empty spot Karin had once occupied. She studied him from the corner of her eyes when he did because he was far too careful in sitting down, making certain that there was a respectable space between them. Even with such a distance, his presence for some reason had her skin sting. It wasn't discomforting, but a tingle of embarassment combined with goosebumps of anticipation rising over the little skin she had exposed.
Just talk! She shouted mentally, hating how her body reacted to him
Glancing at her, his lips struggled to smile softly which only made her remember what he had done with that mouth a couple of days earlier.
Closing her eyes in self-disgust, she cursed herself inwardly.
"I've been wanting to see you, but I wasn't sure if you wanted for me to look for you or not after... that night," his voice was low and carried his uncertaintily in a barely noticed tremble. It became clear that he was forcing himself to be there out of obligation for their friendship.
"I shouldn't have," she heard him take a deep breath. "I shouldn't have pressured you like that, Tatsuki. It wasn't my place to do that to you."
What?!
Snapping her eyes open, she looked at him to see what he truly meant to say.
Ichigo looked as if he were in pain. Shame had his eyes glazed over dully as he stared back at her. His face was taut, but had a slight grimace of anguish. He was trying to keep it all bottled up in like in the past, yet now he was failing in hiding it miserably.
"Ichigo... I...," she didn't know what to say. Just seeing how his suffering was so clear to see had stunned her speechless.
"You can't stand the sight of me, can you?" his voice cracked as he looked away from her to stare vacantly at the floor. "I took advantage of you. That's why I came here... You are so important to me-"
Her eyes widened until she heard his next words.
"-as a friend and I don't want to lose you because of something stupid I did."
Swallowing, trying to keep the sudden surge of anger at his words on hold, she asked sharply, "So you regret it?"
This was the last thing she wanted to hear. She didn't even know why it upset her so much. Coming to see her to apologize was difficult for someone like Ichigo. He had probably spent hours planning and mulling about how he would go about it and yet there she was... getting angry at him.
"Regret it?" he looked at her and she cringed at the surprise in his eyes.
"Yeah... You...," a lump formed in her throat,"You didn't want to do it and yet you and I...," she didn't finish. If he had a hard time apologizing, so did she.
"I do regret doing it," her chest hurt at those frankly stated words,"but what I regret most is making you stop trusting me. I know that what I did has broken everything between us and I... want to fix what's left of it."
Like it would be that easy.
Ichigo only wanted to remain friends. He didn't need to say it for her to know it.
"You want us to be friengs... like before?" she asked slowly, still unwilling to accept it.
"Yeah. That's what I want."
Why does it hurt so fucking much?! Feeling her eyes begin to sting, she closed them, unable to take the very sight of him saying that to her.
"I understand if you don't want anything to do with me," he continued, unknowingly hurting her. "You deserved much better than that. I took something I shouldn't have-"
"That's enough, Ichigo!" she snapped already reaching her breaking point.
"What...? Tatsuki?" hating the confusion in his questioning voice, she opened her eyes to glare at him. A year ago she would have punished his usual stupid reckless stunts with a punch or a kick; now she just wanted to hurt him as much as she was.
It meant nothing to him.
"I can't believe you come here talking about regret!" her face hardened as he blinked taken aback by her anger. "I too have regrets about having sex with you!"
The shock on his face would have been laughable under different circumstances. At that moment it just hurt her. How could it be painfult to hurt him? It was pure torture to tel him those things; she couldn't deny it.
"I hate that I agreed to do it," his face slowly began to show anger, but she couldn't stop. Standing up from the bend, she crossed her arms to glare down at his increasinly angering visage.
"And what really makes me sick to my stomach was that I wanted to do it even though you didn't!" she had finally said it, in spite of all of the shame.
"You wanted it too...?" losing all anger, his expression was of sheer disbelief.
Great! Now he thinks I'm a sexually frustrated oportunistic freak!
Paling, she grinded her teeth and refused to answer though his searching stare was nervewracking. She wanted to hear him say something yet at the same time she was apprehensive of what that 'something' could be.
"Shit...," he whispered, craddling his lowered head in his hands and gripping his hair tightly. Her confession had shocked him a bit too much. His whole body showed just how tense her words had made him and she couldn't help blanching at his reaction.
"Forget I said anything," she said softly and almost recoiled when his hard eyes looked up to her.
"I'm not mad at you, Tatsuki-"
"I know that you're just saying that-!" she argued back, hearing her voice starting to crack again
"No, I'm not just saying that damn it!" his eyes were furious now and she shuddered. Lowering his voice, he added, "I came here thinking that you hated me and now you tell me-"
"That I'm a freak, right?!" the conversation was putting her on edge.
"No," he said flatly, anger shimmering in those reddish brown orbs that had been haunting her. "The only one that did something wrong is me, but it wasn't because I needed it if that's what you've been thinking. I wanted to do it too, otherwise I wouldn't have tried so hard to convince you! With other girls that tell me no, I just walk off," she winced at hearing him speak of 'other girls', "but with you... I just... had to have you, Tatsuki." Having said that, his face contorted in shame before he continued to stare at the floor while still gripping his hair punishingly.
"What are you trying to say, Ichigo?"
"I shouldn't have done it..."
Ignoring his whispered guilty words, knowing that he was speaking to himself in his pain, she repeated her question this time more firmly, "What are you trying to say, Ichigo?"
"I don't even know what's the matter with me anymore. I feel so helpless and stupid all the time... Then when I started coming on to you, I started... shit! Please don't ask me that anymore!" he hissed without looking up at her.
"Tell me. I need to hear you say it, Ichigo!" her heart wouldn't calm down unless she heard him say something to soothe it.
"Usually," his agonized eyes finally met hers, "when I do the stuff I do, I don't really feel anything for those girls. With you... it was different. I wanted you because you know me. It just came... naturally, I guess," he swallowed, his direct stare wavering on her own. "I thought about how much I wanted you and I couldn't get it out of my head! Trying to stay away didn't help because when you didn't look for me, I searched for you even if it meant following you all the way to Ogichi and Inoue!"
So he...?
Her confession was nothing compared to his, so some of the tension building up on her shoulders eased.
"I never wanted someone so much..."
She gasped and felt a knot form in her belly at that.
"See why I regret it now, Tatsuki? I lured you in and made you want me back."
Shaking her head, she denied what he said, "No, Ichigo, I wanted you-"
"No, you didn't, I kept pushing at you until you did want me!" That just proved how low his self-esteem had gotten. Noting how his shoulders trembled, she felt lost. Nothing she said appeared to be reaching him. Ichigo was far too broken inside to hear what others had to say to him.
"Let's go my house."
"Huh?" his surprised eyes shot up.
"I said 'let's go to my house'," she felt so nervous in making such an obvious offer.
"Tatsuki, you don't have to-"
"I want to do it and so do you." Now that a desicion was made, there was no going back. What she was agreeing to went against everything she held sacred to herself. Things like their friendship and her own hardset rules.
It took him a while to finally nod to her offer. Unfortunately she didn't know exactly what an important and life changing desicion they had both made.
***
A/N: Sorry for taking awhile but due to personal reasons my updates might be slowed down. (Doesn't mean I won't update. It'll just take me a couple of days to get each chapter out.) Sorry about that! And oh: Please rate and/or review!
For those that left me reviews, your replies are here =): http://lehotmims.easyjournal.com/entry.aspx?eid=9298928
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Salvation