Reflection

Chapter 11

A couple of days earlier, Orihime had a hard time walking to school out of shame, but today she had a hard time because of a faint pain between her legs. The first time she had encountered the Hollow sexually, she had employed the reversing methods of her Shun-Shun-Rika for her wounds. This time around, she hadn’t used them for two reasons… One was that she didn’t see the use in reversing something that she had wanted. And two was that she was too embarrassed. Her little friends didn’t judge her or anything, but the pitying glances they had shot her way the night she had healed herself had been too much. They would know what happened if she used them again.

The pain on her once virginal folds was dull, yet still present. It was funny that when Rukia had been over, it had disappeared in her panic; at least for a while. Every time she took a step forward, her panties would rub tauntingly against the slightly abused skin. It wasn’t physically agonizing in the least. All it did was serve her as a reminder of what had happened in her apartment.

And all of the neighbors know now.

When she had been leaving for school that Monday morning, she had said a routine goodbye to the next-door neighbor who was a young woman that lived with her boyfriend. From the way the older woman had glared at her and slammed her door shut, it was clear that now everyone thought lowly of her. It would be just a matter of time before she had to move, or be forced out of the building where she had lived with her brother Sora. She didn’t want to have to do it, but…

Sniffling at how everything kept falling apart, she continued her depressing, stinging approach to the nearly vacant school. She was earlier than usual and had her reasons. She didn’t want to run into Tatsuki or Ichigo and Rukia. They would ask even more questions and on top of that, she wasn’t sure if Ichigo knew what the Hollow had done. If he did know, Orihime would probably not show her face in school for the rest of her life. Maybe she’ll even change schools. No matter how much she ‘loved’ Ichigo, the thought of him seeing her having sex with his Hollow was nauseating. She had lost all inhibitions with the evil soul and that was not something she wanted others to see, including the boy she refused to give up loving.

Did she even love him anymore? She thought she did and was actually forcing herself to continue believing it because it was something familiar and familiar things were comforting for people when in turmoil. No… She still loved him. She had to love him, in spite of enjoying his Hollow and having a growing obsession for him, she loved Kurosaki-kun. If things were another way, she wouldn’t know what to do or think anymore.

If I have to move… Where will I go?

Shivering at both the morning cold and thought of being homeless, she finally arrived at the school’s double glass door entrance. A few students were around; she could see them moving inside the building through the glass of the doors.

Feeling depressed and pretending to be happy for everyone else’s benefit was slowly driving her insane. Sometimes she did feel need for cheer, but others… She just didn’t care anymore. For once, she wished she didn’t have to hide things so everyone would be happy. She wished to do things for herself.

To complicate things further in her life, Rukia’s presence had been hounding her over the weekend. The shinigami had followed her discreetly for the last couple of days and it somehow touched her that her friend was ‘protecting’ her from the Hollow, even though it brought even more guilt. If only she knew the truth…

I wonder if I’ll ever see him again…, shaking her head at such a dumb whimsical thought, she pushed the metal-barred handle of one of the glass doors and went inside of the shadowy school, mentally prepared for another day of acting.

***

It was lunchtime and Ichigo had been keeping an eye on Orihime all day to see if what Rukia had told him the night she had come back from the Soul Society could be true. The ginger-haired girl smiled and picked at her food like she always did, though on occasion her eyes would have a vacant quality, not that it was odd for her to do that every five minutes. She did that before his Hollow had started his fucked up ‘courting’ practice, if the harassing could be called that.

It has to be. I saw…, shuddering at what he had seen, he set his can of soda on the concrete they were all sitting on and looked down at the ground. He couldn’t bear looking at her for long, so the only times he dared it was only for a couple of seconds.

He had barely seen anything of what his Hollow had done. What he had witnessed had been like snapshots and it had only happened because the bastard had lost concentration in keeping everything from him. Ichigo had been in lockdown in his spirit world, but when the sick freak had neared orgasm twice, his eyes had seen too much proving that his Hollow wasn’t powerful enough to completely keep him blind and deaf during his time with Orihime.

He forced her to do those things…

The voice of the Hollow ordering Orihime to suck him, sit on his face and fuck him had been very clear. The carnal sounds had penetrated his brain and the small glimpses of Orihime going down on the white cock and then riding it violently while screaming had corroded his usual way of thinking. It was bad enough that when he had felt himself back in his body, he had been in the shower at the house. There had been blood and cum on his dick which the spraying water slowly washed away. The evidence of what had happened had swirled in the bottom of the white tub before disappearing down the drain.

He hadn’t gotten to actually enjoy it, but then again his Hollow had never participated in his relationship with Rukia, so it shouldn’t irk him that he didn’t feel Orihime. In fact, the Hollow disliked his girlfriend passionately and Ichigo couldn’t help but think that it had something to do with her being an official shinigami.

It disgusted him that he would want to personally enjoy Orihime’s shaming in the first place. Anyone would have thought that it was a logical emotion… Wanting to experience what his own body had felt due to feeling cheated, robbed of something, but his Hollow had been the one to make her feel that way. Who would have thought that he would envy the darker side of his own soul?

The bastard had stolen his body and had dirty sex with a girl that he had just started truly seeing for the first time… and that girl didn’t look at him the same way she used to. Orihime would smile at him still. It was just that the admiring softness and yearning was gone from her gaze and if it was present, she was staring right through him when it showed.

She can’t possibly want him…

Twisted. He was seeing parts of a life that wasn’t his, just like his Hollow had been doing with him. And the more he thought about it, the more it made him want to destroy the bastard. He now knew what if felt like to look through the glass and not experiencing sensations. How it was to be helpless, without movement or sense touch. It was enough to embitter anyone.

He hasn’t gone insane because he already is.

“Are you going to ask her?” Rukia asked quietly from his side and he looked at her from his peripheral vision. He knew exactly what she was talking about.

For the last couple of nights, Rukia had taken it upon herself to guard Orihime. Ichigo hadn’t done it because he knew that it was his Hollow that had attacked her. He had tried to convince Rukia to stay away, saying that it was a lost cause and that Orihime would be alright, which had just started an argument. They’d had arguments often, but none like the one that they had that night.

The argument had been hateful and in the end, Rukia had just left their room angrily to monitor all suspicious spirits in Orihime’s street, leaving him alone and fuming. He had spent the whole weekend nervously expecting his Hollow to come out to jump Orihime again and Rukia being witness to it, but the Hollow hadn’t come out. He hadn’t even said a word, opting to only scoff or snicker in his mind.

It was torture to not trust yourself anymore.

“She’ll probably tell you more details instead of me,” Rukia continued in a low tone, staring at him solemnly.

“And why would you think that? You’re a girl too,” he reasoned, not liking the guilty light that had flashed in Rukia’s eyes when she had said those words.

“You’re her friend and have known her longer.”

Ichigo rolled his eyes in frustration at her bizarre logic. He didn’t know how most things were in the Soul Society, but in the human world common sense stated that male friends didn’t ask their female friends about their lovers, unless they themselves were lovers. Orihime was too shy, or at least he thought she was until seeing her with his Hollow, to tell him any intimate details.

She’ll probably blush, stutter and make up something to cover it all up. He had noticed her new penchant for lying, not that he held it against her. Had he been in her place, he would have done the same thing.

“Ichigo…”, Rukia’s tone was pushy.

“Dammit, Rukia!” he snapped and all eyes of their friends fell on them to see what had made him act that way so abruptly. Even Orihime was looking at him in surprise.

Crap. Now everyone will know what’s up.

“What’s your problem now, Ichigo?” Tatsuki asked darkly. The girl still hung out with him during lunch, mostly because Orihime insisted in salvaging their friendship and social circle, but she still wanted his head on a platter. Just to keep her friend safe, the tomboy was ‘suffering’ his presence.

Scowling at her, he stood up and moved his moody eyes to a puzzled Orihime.

“We need to talk.”

“The hell she’s talking to you, freak!” Tatsuki shouted, also rising to her feet angrily, tensing her body for a possible fight. Now definitely everyone in their group would want to know what was going on with that little outburst.

“Tatsuki-chan! If Kurosaki-kun wants to talk, then we’ll talk!” Orihime cried, getting up from the ground. Smoothing a hand over her short school skirt, she tried to smile reassuringly at her friend. “We won’t be that far away!”

Narrowing her eyes in silent warning, Tatsuki relaxed her stiff shoulders after a couple of intense seconds had elapsed.

“Fine. Just stay where I can see you.”

“Wha…?” Rukia let out from her seat on ground in the same confusion that was ransacking everyone else, but Ichigo ignored her when Orihime’s falsely smiling eyes fell on him, encouraging him as she turned to walk to a free space somewhere else on the roof.

Here goes nothing.

Following her to the chosen spot, shoving his hands in his pockets and slumping his shoulders, showing how much he didn’t want to have that conversation, he faced her.

Her bright smile wavered but somehow stuck to her lips persistently. She was straining to appear like her old self.

I’m such a bastard.

“So what did you want to talk to me about, Kurosaki-kun?” she asked brightly, folding her hands behind her back and leaning forward playfully like she always did.

“Did he… Did he hurt you?”

She straightened her back and her smile disappeared.

“You saw us didn’t you?”

“Just answer the question, Inoue,” he ordered a little harder than he should have and her eyes widened in apprehension.

“No. You didn’t see anything did you?” her tone had lowered and an embarrassed stain of red crawled on her cheeks.

Taking a deep breath, he closed his eyes. It almost physically hurt admitting the truth, but she needed to know.

“Yes”, she gasped at his confession. “I only saw some of it,” he quickly added.

“Oh, no!”

He opened his eyes and saw her stricken face before she covered it with both hands.

Should have kept my mouth shut.

“You must think I’m a… a slut!” her loud whisper was lightly muffled by her hands.

Swallowing, he shook his head even though she wasn’t seeing him. “No, Inoue. I would never think that. You’re not to blame if he took advantage of you…”

“But I am! How can I even look at you?! I’m a mess!”

Not knowing the first thing about comforting hysterical girls, he took one of his hands out of his pockets and awkwardly patted her trembling shoulder. She stiffened and then relaxed before removing both hands from her now blotchy red face.

“You better not be saying some nasty shit to her, Kurosaki!” Tatsuki yelled from their group.

Why can’t she just shut up?!, he glowered at the angry girl that was trying to kill him with her murderous stare.

“I-I did it because I thought you would never know…” hearing Orihime’s whisper, his eyes snapped to her face.

“What did you just say?” he asked slowly, trying to understand if she was saying what he thought she said and why.

“I wanted to do it…”

Orihime… No! No! She couldn’t possibly have…!

Feeling some vile rising up his throat at her secret shame, he asked in a hard tone, “Did he at least pull out?”

“W-what?” her sad eyes looked at him in disbelief.

“Did he come outside when you fucked him?” he elaborated it through gritted teeth.

She gaped at him in shock. He had never talked to her or anyone like that. It was hurting him to do it, but at that moment he felt anger towards her and towards him. He didn’t know exactly what he was so pissed off about. The mere fact that she had wanted his Hollow, had been willing participant, that she no longer looked at him with longing eyes, and that she was uncomfortable around him of all people… It all just pissed him off!

“Kurosaki-kun…? I don’t think I…”, she trailed off, her disappointment clear in her eyes.

“Did he or didn’t he, Inoue?!”

“N-n-no!” she finally cried out and he could sense Tatsuki rising to her feet to rush over there to her rescue.

“Well I hope both of you had a good time, because it’s the last time you’ll fuck him!” he spat, leaving her and everyone in the roof.

“ICHIGO, WHAT DID YOU FUCKING TELL HER-?”

“TATSUKI-CHAN-!”

He didn’t follow the words in the shouts that erupted up in the roof he had just left. Going down the stairs that lead to the inside of the school, he began to feel a familiar heaviness.

Fuck!

‘That wasn’t a very nice thing to say to my lil’ hime, King. You made her cry.’ The heaviness increased, tightening in his chest. It was growing so quickly that he had to lean his shoulder against one of the walls of the narrow little stair passageway to keep from falling.

He’s stronger than before…

‘When in doubt and despair, the horse gets to play…,’ the Hollow sang.

“When in doubt and despair…?” he asked himself weakly.

‘Yeah… Ya’ startin’ to get in now. Bout’ damned time. How does it feel to have her want me more, huh? Must hurt like a bitch!’ the Hollow laughed riotously. ‘Doing is better than watching!’

What are you talking about?

‘That I’m tired to being stuck here, King, especially now that I know how that sweet lil’ hime feels inside.’

More vile rose up his throat and his stomach turned.

‘Jealous? Don’t be, King! Though I must tell ya’, she only wants me and sees ONLY me. I didn’t have to do much to make her see who was better!’ that demonic echoing voice sounded closer, almost in his ears.

He’s going to take over again!

‘This time I’ll make sure you mind your own business. I just found out that I don’t like an audience. Gives you too many stupid ideas…’

After those muttered words, Ichigo’s vision was shrouded in black oblivion.

***

Author’s Note: Ohhh, love the escalating angst! Makes writing more wonderful! On another note if anyone thinks that I’m gonna make Rukia into a total bitch, you’re wrong. I’ll just make her act like any girl would when discovering her BF is ‘cheating’. She doesn’t look like the over the top type anyway and I like her too much to make her overly hate-worthy. I’m not the kind of person that likes making everything look ‘cute’, like in other fics in which everybody gets along and there’s no problems throughout the whole story ( BORING! EECK! 0_o;). There’s never complete ‘smooth sailing’ in my fics. Some shit is always bound to happen in the long run. So yeah! Enjoy it! And ohhhhh… Rate and/or Review pretty please! (I like to know which parts people enjoy, cos’ I’m sentimentally dorky that way! =) See the smiley face?! I’m actually very peppy!) At Boogermeister thanks for reviewing! Sometimes my fics come out kind of dark (though not purposely). LOL