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The Heart in My Hand	By : chayron Category: Bleach > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 10028 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach. It belongs to its respective owners. This fan fiction is not a commercial project, and I am not making any money from writing it.

Chapter List
- 1-Part 1
- 2-Part 2
- 3-Part 3
- 4-Part 4
- 5-Part 5
- 6-Part 6
- 7-Part 7
- 8-Part 8
- 9-Part 9
- 10-Part 10
- 11-Part 11
- 12-Part 12
- 13-Part 13
- 14-Part 14
- 15-Part 15
- 16-Part 16
- 17-Part 17
- 18-Part 18
- 19-Part 19
- 20-Part 20
- 21-Part 21
- 22-Part 22
- 23-Part 23
- 24-Part 24
- 25-Part 25
- 26-Part 26
- 27-Part 27
- 9
- 10
- 11
Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach – it belongs to its respective owners. This fan fiction is not a commercial project, and I am not making any money from writing it.
Warnings:
1. Yaoi (male x male). Ulquiorra x Ichigo and vice versa. Other pairings?
2. Ichigo – almost 19 years old; Ulquiorra – probably a few hundred as a Hollow and about a decade or so as an Arrancar?
3. Post anime (haven’t read the manga).
4. Alternate Universe.
5. I’m not a native speaker, thus expect various language oddities.
6. I’m not very familiar with all the details in the anime, and I am also new to Bleach fandom, so I will be straying away from the canon quite frequently. I do my research but Bleach is a vast universe that is not so easy to grasp. I must admit, though, that there are also things in the anime that don’t make sense to me and I take the liberty of recreating certain parts of this universe as I see fit.
The Heart in My Hand
by chayron (lttomb@yahoo.com), beta-read by Ash
Part 10
Ichigo woke up to a noise in his room. Something was shifting and rustling somewhere. It was still dark. Ichigo summoned his reiatsu to illuminate Ulquiorra standing at the door.
“Gtsleep,” Ichigo mumbled drowsily, putting his head back on the pillow.
About twenty minutes later, he woke up to a loud, metallic clang. The sound was coming from somewhere downstairs. The red-head turned to the door to see light coming through the gap. Ulquiorra wasn’t in his futon. Ichigo threw on a T-shirt and went into the corridor to see what was happening. The light was coming from the first floor. Ichigo descended the stairs and turned to the kitchen, where the light was turned on.
Ulquiorra was standing by the stove. Chunks of meat were sizzling in a frying pan. Ichigo entered the kitchen and took a look at the clock above the door. It was five past three in the morning. He lowered his eyes to the floor, where two metallic pots lay. They probably fell out of the cupboard when Ulquiorra was looking for the frying pan.
“Come, join me,” Ulquiorra said when Ichigo lingered in the doorway.
Ichigo spared another look at the frying pan. “Nah, I’ll pass.” There was a large bowl filled with readied meat next to the stove, so he figured this was going to take a while. The red-head started walking out of the kitchen, but the feeling of guilt made him turn around. “Well, I suppose I won’t mind having some tea,” he said, moving towards the sideboard.
The sound of Ichigo’s bare feet tapping across the floor made Ulquiorra look at them. He moved aside to let the red-head reach the kettle. He saw Ichigo’s eyes travel towards the bowl next to the stove.
“Does it really bother you that much?” he asked.
“Um,” Ichigo muttered, turning the stove on. He set the kettle on the burner and started raiding the cupboard for his favorite tea. “Not really. It’s just that… Well, I find it a little disturbing. It’ll take me some time to get used to this.”
Ulquiorra watched Ichigo take out a blue tea pack and open it. The Arrancar shrugged and turned back to the stove. He took a spatula and flipping over the chunks of meat. He wondered how long Ichigo would refuse to eat a Hollow if he were starved. He was about to ask, but the kitchen door opened to let Isshin in. The man was only in his smiley underwear and pink slippers. The combination made Ulquiorra pause before he resumed cooking.
Yawning, the former captain gave them a look that bordered on confused and annoyed. “What are you doing?” he asked.
“Cooking.”
“Making tea. Want some?” Ichigo offered.
“It’s three in the morning,” Isshin grunted, rubbing his reddish eyes.
“I’m hungry.”
“Yeah,” Ichigo confirmed. “You won’t like him when he’s hungry.”
“Give it a rest already,” Ulquiorra said. “I’m not going to eat anyone.”
“Just some Hollows,” Ichigo pointed out stubbornly.
Ulquiorra turned to smack Ichigo with the spatula, but noticed that the red-head was in his body and lowered it. “Leave your body,” he demanded.
“So you can hit me with that? Forget it!”
Between yawns, Isshin watched them argue. “I’ll have some tea, too,” he finally decided. He leaned against the counter while his son turned away from Ulquiorra and started searching for another mug and a different blend of tea.
“So how exactly did the two of you become so friendly?” Isshin asked.
“I tried to kill him.”
“I killed him.”
Isshin scratched his stomach thoughtfully. “Well… I heard about most of what happened from Kisuke but… This still doesn’t make any sense.”
The teakettle started whistling and Ichigo turned it off hurriedly so as not to wake up his sisters. He could try to explain everything to his father, but decided against it. He doubted that his explanation would make it clearer. It simply worked. Ulquiorra probably didn’t think much of it, but Ichigo always felt grateful and in debt to the Arrancar for saving him from the eternal guilt of Uryu’s death.
Ulquiorra ignored Isshin’s comment as well. All of it made perfect sense to him. He didn’t doubt Ichigo. The red-head was driven by inner forces that were completely different to his and most of others’. Ichigo fought for what he treasured and believed but, at the same time, it was never for his own sake. There was something unshakable about his resolve. Back then, after their fight, when Ichigo had lost the form of Vasto Lorde and saw the damage he had done unconsciously, he offered his arm and leg to redeem it. This was how Ichigo understood honor. Ulquiorra believed that this had probably been the same reason that the red-head had refused to kill him. Ulquiorra thought it was foolish, but he could understand that kind of thinking. A person like Ichigo would never betray anyone.
Only sizzling meat and Ichigo’s teaspoon, quietly mixing sugar, were heard now. Isshin waited for Ichigo to finish with the tea then, while his son was carrying the mugs to the table, squeezed between the sideboard and the wall, past Ulquiorra, and to the fridge. He found some leftovers and carried the plates to the table to arrange them next to the tea. He and Ichigo sat down at the table, and the red-head passed him a mug.
“Thanks,” Isshin said, digging into the leftovers.
As he waited for his tea to cool, Ichigo watched his father eat. It made the red-head’s appetite increase, and a few minutes later he started fishing leftovers from the bowl as well.
Ulquiorra emptied the pan, then put slices of raw meat in it again. Leaving them to cook, he carried the plate with fried meat to the table and joined the Kurosakis. For a while, they ate in silence.
“Don’t you want salad with that?” Ichigo asked.
The fork and knife stopped working in Ulquiorra’s hands and he gave the red-head a look. “Even if I had some seeds, I won’t be staying here so long as to grow a garden.”
“Oh, right, I forgot food h-”
“Do you like gardening?” Isshin asked, making Ichigo mentally groan; now there was no escape from his father’s obsession.
Ulquiorra thought for a moment. “I don’t know,” he said honestly. “I’ve never tried.”
“You’re missing out on so much!” Isshin revealed to the Arrancar. “Once the kids grow up, I’m retiring and buying some property in the country. I’ll be growing my own vegetables and fruit.”
Ichigo rolled his eyes. His father had been saying that for about a decade now. And yet, all they had in their garden were flowerless bushes of unknown origin. He wondered if his father had ever actually tried growing something.
“Aren’t you going back to Seireitei?” Ulquiorra asked.
Interested, Ichigo looked at his father. He had often wondered what exactly had brought his father to the Human World. Somehow, these types of conversations weren’t easy to start.
Isshin shook his head. “No, not for a while. Someone has to protect Human World, too.”
“Hm.” Thoughtfully, Ulquiorra chewed on his steak. It seemed that Isshin was one of those people who believed that without them, the world would fall apart. Aizen was like that as well – always busy, always keeping an eye on everything. But then, without Aizen, everything really had fallen apart. It had been monstrous labor keeping the Arrancars and all kinds of Hollows working together. Normally, they would have killed each other in the first ten minutes. Would the world fall apart without Isshin? Certainly not. Ichigo was already shouldering most of the work. Or maybe that was the plan – to simply retire to the back of beyond?
Ulquiorra left the table to turn over the meat in the pan. By the time he returned, there was already a bottle of sake and cups on the table.
“Do you drink?” Isshin asked Ulquiorra.
“No.”
Isshin turned to his son. “Ichigo?”
“No, thanks. And I’m underage.”
“That never stops you when you’re out with friends.”
Ichigo gave his father a suspecting look. “That was only three or four times.”
“Four,” Isshin confirmed, pulling the bottle closer to himself. “You two are no fun.” He started pouring himself a cup.
“Do you have someone following me?” Ichigo grunted.
“I don’t need to. Kon reports everything to everyone.”
“Oh, right. Kon,” Ichigo said, glaring at his tea. “He loves talking.”
“And what are you planning to do now?” Isshin asked the Arrancar. He sipped his sake. “I was told Mayuri is after you.”
“Just like the rest of them,” Ulquiorra muttered.
“They have a good reason, though,” Isshin pointed out. “Many of them, in fact.”
Ulquiorra shrugged. He knew that. He didn’t elaborate any further and Isshin turned to his son.
“Any idea as to who the mastermind behind today’s attack was?” he asked.
Ichigo shook his head. “No, I haven’t been keeping any contact with Xcution. It could have been one of those men that Ulquiorra killed, but I doubt it. Normally, kidnapping operations are assigned to lower ranks.”
Isshin gulped down more sake and grabbed a cookie off the table to cover the bitter taste. “As far as I know, there was no hierarchy in Xcution, was there?” he asked uncertainly.
“That’s what they used to say. Turned out to be a lie,” Ichigo pointed out. “Maybe Chad knows more, but I really doubt that he keeps contact with any of the former members either. Well, I’ll ring him up tomorrow just in case.”
“It’s not safe until we find out more,” Isshin said. “I doubt they would proceed with the original plan but…”
Ichigo nodded. “Yeah, I thought I’d bring Karin and Yuzu to school first, then go to university. I think I’ll manage to pick them up in the afternoon as well. I don’t think they’d dare do anything at school with so many people around.”
“That would be the best solution,” his father agreed. “But you’ll have to make quite a detour.”
“Well…yeah, but…”
“I can do it.”
Both Isshin and Ichigo turned to Ulquiorra, who rose from the table and headed to the stove. They stared at his back then their eyes went to his damaged Hollow mask.
“Are you sure?” Ichigo asked after a pause.
Ulquiorra turned to him. “Mm?” the Arrancar hummed, his emerald eyes flashing challengingly at Ichigo. “I just said I was.”
“Ah, yeah, right,” Ichigo muttered, averting his eyes from Ulquiorra and giving his father an inquiring look instead.
Isshin shrugged. “Should be fine.” He poured himself another cup.
Ichigo watched Ulquiorra turn off the stove, take the meat out of the pan, and pile up the steaks onto the plate. He returned to the table with the plate and continued eating. Ichigo had a feeling Ulquiorra was going to eat all of it.
“Do you always eat this much?”
“No.”
“That’s normal,” Isshin said. “He can’t replenish his lost energy in any other way. In Soul Society or Hueco Mundo, he’d be able to absorb a certain amount of spirit particles from the environment directly.”
“Oh, yeah,” Ichigo said, remembering, “I think Kisuke told me something like that quite a while ago.”
Ichigo had finished his tea a while ago but, even if sleepy, didn’t feel like returning to bed. His father was rather buzzed already, while Ulquiorra was still eating. The red-head went to make himself another cup of tea.
“It seems that Orihime has taken a liking to you,” Isshin said to Ulquiorra in a conspiratorial voice about ten minutes later. His happily intoxicated and reddish face was shining with amusement. “She kept staring at you.”
Ichigo blinked and nearly choked on his hot tea. “Enough drinking,” he told his father, moving the sake away from him. He had to agree, though, that he had noticed the same. He, however, didn’t find it amusing, he thought it was disturbing.
“Yeah, that’s my last,” Isshin concurred easily with his son. “Gotta be sober by eleven.” He looked at Ulquiorra, who hadn’t reacted to his words in any way, and grinned. “Don’t be shy. I’m sure Ichigo wouldn’t mind – they broke up a long time ago.”
Ulquiorra’s eyebrows rose. “Did they now?” he drawled, his emerald eyes concentrating on the red-head.
“Dad!” Ichigo grunted. “That’s it, let’s go to sleep, everyone. It’s already past four o’clock.”
Without protest, Isshin got to his feet and sauntered out of the kitchen. Ichigo cleaned up the table and left for his room as well. Ulquiorra joined him about ten minutes later, when he had finally finished eating. Ichigo shifted under the covers. The cool, clean sheets felt unbelievably pleasant against his skin. He yawned loudly. Ulquiorra was rustling about, getting into his futon.
“I’m certainly no expert in Human relationships,” Ulquiorra said suddenly. “But…are you a retard?”
The red-head stiffened, then sighed. “Ugh…” he grunted sleepily. “I probably am, aren’t I?”
- - -
It took some time for Ichigo to realize that it was his alarm clock making such a racket. Groaning, he groped blindly around the bedside cabinet to turn it off. Never had the bed felt so comfortable. Groggily, he sat up and stared at the wall in front of him for a minute or so. Then he fell sideways onto the fluffy bedding and groaned again.
Similar discontent noises were heard from the futon. Ichigo watched Ulquiorra sit up and toss the covers aside. He was naked underneath, and Ichigo averted his eyes to the ceiling. Ulquiorra was clearly male with all the required bits and pieces attached. They were probably in perfect working order, too. Ichigo didn’t know a thing about Hollows’ or Arrancars’ sexuality, but it had been bothering him since the day in the spring with Yoruichi. What was Orihime trying to do? No, rather, was Ulquiorra interested as well?
Naked bodies started meshing, twirling and dancing in Ichigo’s head. Green eyes and long red hair, entangling with shorter, black hair, suddenly came alive in his mind.
“Get up, or you’ll be late.”
Grateful for the interruption, Ichigo stretched and slid out of bed. The red-head mentally scolded himself. Ulquiorra was already dressed, his Zanpakuto strapped to his side. Ichigo noted that his Hollow mask seemed to be even more jagged, as if there were more pieces missing. Was that part of the healing process? Ichigo started throwing his clothes on.
“How did they even get a direct hit on you like that?” he asked.
Ulquiorra gave him a confused look before realizing Ichigo was talking about his Hollow mask. “It was Yuzu,” he said.
Ichigo’s arm froze on its way into a sleeve. “Huh?”
Ulquiorra was about to walk out, but turned around. “The one with the whip was going to slash me, and she jumped in front of me.”
“Ah,” Ichigo understood. His arm found its way into the sleeve of his shirt and he started buttoning it. “So you grabbed her and turned sideways.”
“Yes.”
“I see.”
“She’s quite like you in that sense,” Ulquiorra said with a light snort. “Jumping out in front of danger that she’s no match for.” He turned to go.
“Hey, I killed you,” Ichigo pointed out.
Ulquiorra rolled his eyes. “Don’t remind me. And was it even you who killed me?” He turned his head to Ichigo. “A few more seconds and your friend would have been dead, too. You’re… As a Vasto Lorde, you’re completely different, but it’s not really you, is it?”
Ichigo’s fingers tugged at the buttons of his shirt tensely. He raised his head to look at the door, only to meet intense, green eyes.
“It seems to me that you have difficulty keeping all of those together,” Ulquiorra stated.
“All of those?”
“Well, Human, Vasto Lorde, Hollow, Shinigami, Quincy, and whatever else you harbor inside. They don’t always listen to you, do they? You probably don’t even know which one is the real you.”
“All of them,” Ichigo told him. “They’re all the real me.” Sighing, he shook his head. “It’s too early for this kind of conversation,” he muttered, feeling a headache form. He massaged his temples. “And even if it weren’t, I don’t think I’d want to talk about it with you.”
“Why not?” Ulquiorra asked him, amused. “Do you talk about this with your Human buddies? About how you cut your Quincy friend’s chest open?”
In a few quick steps, Ichigo was standing in front of Ulquiorra. “Screw you,” he hissed, tapping his index finger on Ulquiorra’s chest. “Screw you,” he repeated.
Ulquiorra moved aside to let Ichigo pass. The red-head jogged downstairs angrily. The Arrancar was about to follow him, but he saw Ichigo going up the stairs again. He wondered if the red-head wanted to tell him something else, or maybe punch him, but Ichigo wordlessly passed him, grabbed his bag off the chair, and jogged back downstairs. Ulquiorra thought that maybe he should have tried to handle that differently.
Breakfast was ready and Karin and Yuzu were half-way done eating. Kon was dancing happily on the other table in the living room, proclaiming his undying love for Orihime. Ichigo joined his sisters and dug into pancakes. A few minutes later, Ulquiorra entered the kitchen and, after retrieving some fried meat from the fridge, sat down at the table as well.
“Did you two get into an argument?” Karin asked after several minutes of silence. Normally, silence was a common occurrence, but today it didn’t feel right.
“No.”
“Yes.”
Ulquiorra and Ichigo looked at each other. Ulquiorra shrugged and resumed eating.
“Alright, we didn’t,” Ichigo conceded. “He just…” He trailed off as he remembered something. “Right, Yuzu, I forgot to tell you yesterday, but a friend of mine has some kittens. You’ve been talking about getting a cat lately. Want one?” Ichigo was suddenly blinded by Yuzu’s smile. “Umm… Don’t get your hopes up before we talk to Dad.”
“Leave him to me,” Karin told them. “He’ll be begging for a kitten once I’m through with him. Why didn’t we get a cat earlier?” she asked.
“Because you have that,” Ulquiorra said, pointing at Kon on the other table. Everyone turned to the plushy bear that abruptly stopped dancing.
“I heard that!” the Modified Soul screeched from the other end of the room. “I totally heard that!”
“He’s kind of right,” Ichigo muttered quietly, lowering his head to hide his smile. “He is more or less a pet. More like a dog, though.” He turned his head and accidentally met Ulquiorra’s amused eyes. The Arrancar didn’t say a word but he didn’t need to – Ichigo read it all in those emerald eyes. A pet that he lent his body to meet his ex-girlfriend. It wasn’t exactly that, if Ichigo said it to himself. On the other hand, it was exactly that.
“Just shut up,” Ichigo told him. Not feeling hungry anymore, he pushed the rest of the pancakes away.
The Arrancar shrugged. “I didn’t say anything.”
When everyone was done eating, they left the house. Kon’s head was sticking out of Ichigo’s bag.
“I hope dad doesn’t oversleep,” Yuzu said worriedly while locking the door. She turned to Ulquiorra. “Could you make sure he wakes up by ten? He needs to get the clinic ready.”
“Hm. Of course,” Ulquiorra agreed. He saw Ichigo grinning at him, but he didn’t mind being an errand boy for a little Human girl. Normally, his days were monotonous, and he didn’t have anything to occupy himself with.
While they were walking to the bus stop, Ichigo cast a look to the Arrancar, who was following them quietly. Just as he had thought, it did seem absurd to ask Ulquiorra out of the blue if he would ever be interested in a Human female. With a grunt, Ichigo slowed down to let Ulquiorra catch up with him. He wanted to have his moment before they separated for the day or else he would just keep thinking about it.
“Um?” Ulquiorra wondered when Ichigo kept staring at him.
“And if we talk about before, at least I, unlike someone here, have buddies,” the red-head said triumphantly.
Ulquiorra chuckled. Ichigo was still bitter about that. “How long did it take you to come up with that comeback?”
At first, Ichigo glared at him, but then couldn’t help laughing either. “About half an hour.”
At the bus stop they went separate ways: the sisters and Ulquiorra stayed at the bus stop while Ichigo headed for the train station. When the bus came, Ulquiorra wondered whether he should follow the bus or get on. He could feel that there was someone watching them. The presence was faint, but didn’t seem threatening since it didn’t feel like that of a Hollow. The reiatsu strengthened after Ichigo had separated from the group. Now it felt more like a Shinigami, thus Ulquiorra ignored it. It was very likely Kisuke had asked someone to keep an eye on the sisters.
There were a few confused murmurs and glances when Ulquiorra got on the bus. Invisible to others, the Arrancar shouldered his way to the backseat where the sisters sat. Sitting down was out of the question, so he kept standing. The closer to the school they got, the more people there were on the bus. Ulquiorra’s invisible body deceptively created an illusion of a free space. Yet, every time people tried squeezing into it, it appeared to be impossible.
When they got off the bus, Ulquiorra walked the girls to school and stood in the school yard for a few minutes, watching children stream past him and into the building. After that, with a few quick jumps, he landed on the rooftop and took a look around. He had time, lots of it.
There were three big yards that contained a pool, a few trees, and some sort of outhouse. One of the yards had a net in the middle and Ulquiorra wondered what or who they were trying to catch. He lingered on the school grounds for some time then left. The Shinigami had followed them to the school but stayed outside, watching.
Jumping from one rooftop to another, Ulquiorra looked around the area, found nothing of interest, and left the territory, and soon the city itself. He wandered about for quite a long time until he remembered that he had been asked to make sure Kurosaki woke up. He didn’t know what time it was but it was probably too late anyway.
Hollows and Arrancars didn’t normally count time, it was of no importance. Ulquiorra, like most others, wasn’t able to tell the time before Aizen came. They did understand the concept of time, but it was mostly limited to “earlier”, “now”, and “later”. Aizen, though, had little patience for disorder and delay – if he sent someone on a mission, he expected them to be back when he had told them to, not half a century later.
There were things which Ulquiorra was grateful to Aizen for. By turning him into an Arrancar, Aizen had given his life purpose. His world had changed. Life as a Hollow had been passive; he used to wander around aimlessly. Fights for establishing authority over a piece of land didn’t interest him; other Hollows were better off as food than companions. So he wandered around, looking for something, not knowing what. In the end, he converged with a tree and did nothing but spend his days in peace and quiet.
The purpose that Ulquiorra’s life was given was to loyally serve Aizen. That was fine with Ulquiorra, since there was nothing wrong with Hueco Mundo getting stronger. Shinigami were a natural enemy, and Aizen had gathered quite an army against them. It had seemed like it was possible to defeat the Shinigami. The King of Hueco Mundo was powerful as well, and almost no one doubted that he could easily overpower any enemy that dared face him. The only person he was afraid of was Aizen. Fear was a weapon that Aizen wielded masterfully.
Life as an Arrancar was…colorful. If asked, Ulquiorra wouldn’t be able to explain the exact difference. The two were completely separate lives, two different lives of two different people. He used to be a Hollow, but now he was an Arrancar. At present, impressions were more vivid, his reactions were much faster, he developed interest in many things, he had purpose. And at the same time, he retained all the memories that his former Hollow self had, and those memories had served as the basis for his new life.
Ulquiorra was close to the Kurosaki house now. When he entered the kitchen, the clock above the door read 10:40a.m. Isshin was moving about near the fridge, dressed in neat clothes, already shaved.
“Morning,” he said, turning to look at the Arrancar. “Did everything go alright?”
Ulquiorra nodded in answer and, since there was nothing to do in the house, left.
TBC
- 9
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The Heart in My Hand