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I Am The King	By : HollowedRose Category: Bleach > General Views: 9190 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach and its characters. They belong to Tite Kubo. They are a work of fiction. I do not make any money out of this.

Chapter List
- 9
- 10
- 11
Chapter 10 - Guilt And Resignation
The moment Uryu woke up, feelings of guilt started plaguing his mind. It was his fault, that was all he kept thinking. He tried to get out of bed with the sole intent of going to Urahara Kisuke and ask him about a way to get to Hueco Mundo but he knew that if he got up he wouldn't have the energy to stand. He was so frustrated at his own weakness that he ended up smashing the glass he saw on the nightstand next to the bed, right into the wall.
That was when Renji burst through the door wanting to see what was happening.
"Are you all right?" asked Renji, a worried expression on his face.
He followed Ishida's field of vision and saw him staring at the wall where the glass shattered. It was strange seeing the Quincy like that. Whenever he thought about Ishida he saw him as a very calm and calculated person. He couldn't picture him truly angry, yet there he was, with such a furious expression on his face that Renji thought the person there hardly looked like the Quincy he knew.
"Why are you here?" asked Uryu after a very long and suffocating silence.
"Captain Unohana needed someone to watch over you until you woke up and I volunteered. She said you collapsed because you were physically and most likely mentally exhausted too. It's been almost three days since then..." answered Renji and sat on the only chair in the room, his eyes set upon the outside's quickly growing darkness.
"I... have to go after them, I have to save Kurosaki", said Uryu and quickly pushed himself off the bed without any warning.
That was all he could do because as soon as he was up he became dizzy and he would've fallen to the floor if it wasn't for Renji who quickly got up and caught him.
"Don't do this again, you're not well enough to walk around just yet, you must eat in order to regain your strength."
"I don't have time for this!" snapped Uryu and pushed Renji away, ending up falling on the bed.
"See? You can't even move yet, what can you do in your condition?"
"Are you telling me to forget about Kurosaki and stay here in bed while he's most likely getting hurt? And that is if he's not already dead," yelled Uryu and Renji could almost see tears gathering in the Quincy's eyes.
"Don't be stupid, that's not what I'm saying. And he's not dead! I've already talked to Urahara-san about opening a portal to Hueco Mundo... but..."
"But what?! Tell me!" demanded Uryu.
"It will take a whole month or more to do it..."said Renji softly, almost as if too afraid to tell Ishida the news.
Uryu paled, suddenly feeling sick.
"I'm sorry... but all we can do now is wait until Urahara-san opens the portal. I don't like it either and to be honest I'm furious, so furious that I can barely restrain my anger..." said Renji brokenly.
"He will not last a month..." added Uryu weakly.
"He will, we have to believe in him. Ichigo is strong," said Renji trying to calm Uryu even if he himself didn't believe his own words.
"You're wrong! You don't know what he went through!"
"Then you'd better eat, get well and tell us what happened. We haven't told anyone yet... about the rape I mean, not even Urahara-san. We all agreed to keep the information on a need to know basis. So once you're better we're both going to Urahara-san and you tell us everything you know."
"It's all my fault... if only..."
"Stop! It's pointless now, what's done is done," said Renji, got up and left the room to bring the Quincy some much needed food.
Uryu didn't move until Renji got back, trying to think of a way to save Ichigo. His heart ached just by thinking about what Grimmjow was probably doing to Ichigo that very moment but he couldn't stop his own thoughts from imagining the worst possible scenarios. He forced himself to eat the food once he got it but it had somehow lost its taste.
The moment Grimmjow stormed out of Aizen's throne room he figured it was best to stay away from his chamber for a while, but that didn't mean he couldn't have a word or two with Ulquiorra, so he headed straight to where he could feel his reiatsu was coming from. Ulquiorra was very good at masking his reiatsu, and he usually did so, but at that moment he didn't seem to care if others knew where he was.
"What the fuck is Aizen's playing at?" growled Grimmjow at a very calm Ulquiorra after grabbing his arm and turning him around to face him.
"Remove your hand unless you want me to remove it myself," said Ulquiorra in his usual calm voice.
"I know you know what Aizen is planning and I want to know why the fuck is he playing with me? You're in it too, otherwise you wouldn't have interrupted me just as I was about to have some fun," said Grimmjow, still not letting go of his arm.
"I don't know what you're talking about, I was merely following Aizen-sama's orders."
"Fuck you Ulquiorra! You think I'm stupid? It's obvious by the way in which he talks to you and the freedom he allows you that you're his favorite. Of course you know. So what did you do, spread your legs for him?" mocked Grimmjow but as soon as he finished the sentence he found himself being grabbed by the throat and thrown into a wall.
He was about to get up and fight him but before he managed to do so Ulquiorra appeared in front of him and plunged his sword through the hand that Grimmjow used to touch him earlier.
"Do not assume everyone is as lowly or as savage as you are. And I did tell you to remove your hand unless you wanted me to remove it myself," said Ulquiorra, pulled out his zanpakuto, turned around and left.
Grimmjow was too stunned to even react. It was the first time he saw Ulquiorra getting angry so fast. Of course he didn't show it but Grimmjow knew Ulquiorra was angry otherwise he wouldn't have attacked him. His hand hurt, but it was worth seeing the fucker getting angry at least once. He didn't like how Ulquiorra insulted him and at that moment he reinforced his decision to kill him one day, no matter how hard it would be or how much it would take.
Ichigo woke up a couple of hours later in the same spot where he remembered dropping to the floor once Grimmjow let go of his hair. He involuntarily shivered at the memory, wanting nothing more than to never again be forced to go through such a thing again. He knew better though, Grimmjow was going to come back at any moment and then continue where he left off. Ichigo felt lost, scared and desperate.
How was he going to escape if he couldn't even use his hands? The only hope was for someone to come save him but that seemed impossible, since no one probably knew where he was anyway. Not even he himself knew exactly where he was. So what was there left to do? Well, two choices, concluded Ichigo, either live on as nothing more than Grimmjow's fuck toy or end his own life. It was terrifying how at that moment he was even considering killing himself but somehow the dying option sounded a lot better than getting repeatedly raped until Grimmjow got sick of him and killed him or until someone found a way to save him... which was probably impossible.
With considerable effort he managed to get up and go to the door. He wanted to make sure there was no way to open it before finally making his decision. He pushed it again with his body as hard as he could but it didn't budge, and again, and again, until he couldn't do it anymore because his shoulder was hurting too much. Then he tried kicking it open but that didn't work either.
"So there's no way out after all..." said Ichigo out loud, as if resigning himself to his fate.
There was a mirror in the room in which he didn't dare look before. He went there to see himself, maybe for the last time. He couldn't remember how he used to be, he couldn't remember how it was to not be so terrified of Grimmjow. He almost remembered a bit when he was on his knees in front of him but then he lost the feeling once he fainted. How was it to be brave, proud and strong? It was like his courage had been taken away from him and was replaced by fear.
He stopped in front of it and slowly raised his head, almost too scared to even see the coward Ichigo who couldn't even find it in him to fight against his rapist anymore.
He took in the image before him... he wore a white hakama, just like Grimmjow's, almost as if to say he belonged to him, that he wasn't a Shinigami anymore and that his previous life meant nothing at all, that all he was going to be from that point on was nothing more than someone else's property.
Why did Grimmjow even bother treating his injuries if he was going to beat him within an inch of his life next time he entered the room and then rape him again? There really was no point. He knew better than anyone else, the shattered wrist made his left hand useless and the damage to his lungs would never properly heal. It was very hard to live struggling to breath every time he needed air, and although there was a chance for his right arm to fully heal it didn't really matter. He didn't have his zanpakuto, he wasn't a fighter anymore, he had lost his will to fight the moment Grimmjow showed him he was nothing more than his fuck toy, as much as he hated to admit.
He noticed his still not fully healed lips and regretted never kissing a girl before. Such random thought... Grimmjow stole everything away from him, even his first kiss, the person in front of the mirror being nothing more than a shell of the person he once used to be.
He felt disgusted with himself, so much that he couldn't stand looking at his own reflection anymore. He raised his foot, intending to break the mirror and never again see his weak and pathetic self.
To his surprise, instead of just cracking from the impact, it broke and his foot went straight through it, the mirror pieces falling fast along his foot and shattering onto the floor. So the mirror was actually a door to the bathroom, concluded Ichigo once he saw what was behind it.
His feet were covered in cuts, going from extremely deep on his right one, since he used it to break the mirror, to less deep and shallow ones on his left foot. There were also many shards in his skin and it stung him badly, but he didn't care. It was ironic how he ended up breaking it just as he was starting to worry about having to find a way to kill himself.
At that moment he realized he had lost his will to live the night Grimmjow raped him the second time, when he thought he was going to die and when he resigned himself to death. He could only hope his sisters would forgive him for leaving them, his father too. He wondered what will happen to his body when he died. If his body didn't die along with him then maybe Kon could pretend it was him. Then his family wouldn't be sad and besides, it was a known fact Kon wanted to have that body all to himself ever since they first met. Strangely enough, he didn't mind Kon keeping it.
He briefly wondered how pissed off was his Hollow knowing he was going to kill himself and as such causing his death too. The body his Hollow wanted for himself would be forever lost. Why did it make him feel better knowing his Hollow might be suffering? Perhaps a small part of him was blaming the Hollow for messing with his mind and weakening him to the point he was afraid to even fight anymore even before he met Grimmjow.
He looked at the floor, trying to see if he could find a big enough and pointy shard of mirror to slit his own throat with. Normally he would've opted for cutting his wrists but he couldn't do it when he couldn't even use his fingers. He stepped on the broken glass, not even caring about injuring his feet further, the cold realization of what he was about to do hitting him hard and making his body numb when he decided how he was going to end his own life.
It didn't take him long to find what he was looking for but it did take him a while to pick it up from the floor using both his injured arms. Once he had the instrument of his own demise ready to be used, he stepped away from the broken mirror wanting to see the sky for the last time. It was a strange sky, and a strange moon. It was good enough though and he wanted to enjoy the view a bit longer, or perhaps the shaking of his arms made him realize he wasn't ready just yet.
That was how Grimmjow found him soon after he began staring at the moon.
He heard the door opening and he flinched, knowing full well it was none other than the 6th Espada, Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez, the one who managed to break him, both body and mind.
Judging by the noise he made when walking he was getting closer, surely to finish what he had started before Ulquiorra interrupted him. Ichigo turned his head to the side, wanting to say one more thing before finding his peace.
"You took everything away from me you sick fuck, but you will never get the chance to humiliate me again," he said, and with all the strength he could muster aimed for his throat.
After his brief encounter with Ulquiorra, and after getting his hand bandaged, Grimmjow went to the rooftop of Las Noches to stare at the view and try to calm himself down. Only about two hours later did he figure he would be able to go to his room and stand in front of the Shinigami without killing him or fucking him to death due to his anger.
When he got in front of the door he stopped for a second, wanting to make sure he was calm enough, which was almost impossible since he was always annoyed or angry, most of the times wanting nothing more than to destroy whoever he set his eyes upon.
As soon as he opened it he saw the Shinigami on his feet, standing in the middle of the room staring at the moon outside. He immediately noticed the bloody footprints on his white floor and the broken mirror not far from where the Shinigami was standing. And then there was the smell of freshly spilt blood, almost making him dizzy enough to forget he was not supposed to do a lot of things he wanted to do at that moment. He began walking towards him, wanting nothing more than to get closer and taste the blood which smelt so delicious.
Before the glass managed to penetrate more than the skin, Ichigo's arms were caught by Grimmjow and he found himself trapped between Grimmjow's body and a wall. The impact knocked the air out of him and he was too stunned to understand what had happened until Grimmjow started straddling his ass.
At that moment he realized he was screwed, no, fucked, he was an idiot who took too long because images of his family and friends kept appearing in his mind while he was holding the broken piece of mirror, making him feel guilty for thinking of leaving them. Perhaps there was still a very small part of him that didn't wish for death. It didn't change the fact that he had failed, he tried to free himself and failed and because of it he was once again going to get fucked by Grimmjow.
TBC
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I Am The King