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Loss	By : KaiBlueOtaku Category: Bleach > General Views: 1203 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: DISCLAIMER: Bleach and all its characters are owned by the talented Tite Kubo. I own only my story, and am merely borrowing them to tell it. I receive no payment for my writing.

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- 1-Loss
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A/N: This story takes place in the Semi-AU of my other stories, following at some indeterminite point in the future after Resolution, Urahara's Arrancar Rehabilitation Center, and Pina Colada Espada.

This is NOT WAFF. This is not your usual UlquiHime fluff. This is dark and heavy, and very real world. I am posting it because it was intense and raw and well written, but it may not be what you're looking for today. I had a review on another site where someone told me they burst into tears reading this. Be forewarned.

***

Ulquiorra walked into the apartment, juggling grocery bags and keys as he tried to shut the door with his booted foot, stomping snow onto the door mat. “Onna?” he called, struggling to settle the bags squarely on the counter, looking around for his wife. No reply. “Onna!” he called again, louder this time.

                Still, no reply, but he thought he heard a noise come from somewhere within the apartment. It sounded like a stifled sob.

                The bags tumbled to the floor, neglected as he ran from room to room, eliminating the kitchen, living room, and bedroom until he stood at last before the only place she could still be. He tapped lightly on the bathroom door. “Orihime?” he asked, trepidation in his tone. A whimper came from the other side of the door, and he turned the handle, peeking through the narrow crack between the door and the wall.

                Orihime sat on the toilet, her panties and jeans around her ankles. In her hand was a piece of toilet paper, smeared with a small streak of red. Ulquiorra slipped inside the bathroom, and knelt beside her. “Are you alright?” he asked, putting his hand on her shoulder.

                She continued to weep, and offered no reply but that of waving the bloodied toilet paper at him. She leaned over and buried her head in his shoulder. He wrapped his arms around her.

                “It is not uncommon for a woman to bleed some in early pregnancy,” he reassured her, stroking her hair back from her face.

                Orihime bit her lip and hitched a breath. “I know. But it’s been a week.” Her soft, silvery eyes sought solace in his green ones. “I’ve been spotting on and off since we got the test results. I didn’t say anything; I didn’t want you to worry…”

                She had taken a pregnancy test a week prior, because she had been late for her period. The “positive” line had been very faint, but the test instructions clearly stated that could sometimes be the case, and a positive result was still a positive, so they had been excited nevertheless.

                But now, this. Ulquiorra pulled gently on her arm, urging her to get up. “Come. I will make you some tea.”

                She nodded and put herself back together a little, following him out of the bathroom.

                He put the kettle on and watched her from behind as she sat huddled on the couch. She seemed crushed, actually appearing smaller than she had been, as though she were folding in on herself to protect this tiny life inside of her.

                He brought her tea in to her, handing the steaming cup to her from over the back of the couch. She took it, looking up with a weak smile and leaning back against him, closing her eyes and sighing. Ulquiorra reached down and laid his hand on her shoulder, and her hand came up to close over his. “It’s alright,” she sighed.

                “No, it is not alright, but it will be alright,” Ulquiorra asserted, bending to kiss her auburn hair. “Should you call the doctor?”

                They hadn’t even told their friends yet, things were so early along. “No. It’s like you said, this can be normal.” She took a long, slow sip of her tea. “I just need to calm down, that’s all.”

                Ulquiorra gave a slight nod, and patted her shoulder. Orihime kissed his hand, and he returned to the kitchen to salvage what he could of the fallen groceries.

***

                Ulquiorra woke, feeling uneasy. It was late, after midnight. He rolled over and reached for Orihime to pull her close, but something didn’t seem right. Running his hand along her back, he could feel she was curled into a tight ball. He crawled nearer to her. “Orihime?” he whispered.

                She trembled slightly at his touch. “I… I don’t feel very good.”

                “What is the matter?”

                “I’m not sure,” Orihime replied. “I just feel sick, and my stomach hurts. Maybe that red bean paste I ate was no good any more…”

                “Can I get you anything?”

                “No.”

                He curled around her, and realized she was holding a pillow to her stomach. “We will call the doctor in the morning.” He felt her nod.

***

                Neither of them got much sleep that night, which was an especially cruel twist of fate, because it left them ill-prepared for the barrage of tests that Orihime had to endure the next day. Blood labs, ultrasound… The Ex-Espada’s usually calm and collected demeanor was clearly shaken as the day progressed with more and more information, but still no answers. According to the dates she gave them, they figured she should have been six weeks along. But the ultrasound was measuring at only four weeks, and the hormone levels from the blood tests read at even less than that.

                “Go home,” the doctor told her kindly. “Rest. My gut feeling is that it’s not viable, but I’ve seen women with more bleeding than this carry to term. We won’t know until we do, and all we can do until then is wait.” She put her hand over Orihime’s and gave the younger woman a soft, sad smile. “And don’t worry. Sometimes this happens. It’s more common than you might think. But you’re both young, and in fine health, and if things go that way… Well, you can always try again.”

                The drive home was silent. They didn’t know what to say to each other. Those two words, “not viable,” hung heavily in the air. The doctor had given her some pills to manage the pain, and had instructed her to return in two days for follow-up labs.

                The next few days were tense. There was a lot of sitting around, feeling useless and impatient. Ulquiorra stayed at her side on the couch most of the day, and in the bed through the night. Orihime suggested they watch some funny movies, trying to lighten the mood and pass the time, but neither of them was able to get into the film. Finally, Ulquiorra turned it off, and just held her cradled in his arms as they both dozed. Neither of them had ever been so exhausted from such little physical activity.

                Even after they went in for the blood labs, there was still no relief to be had, because they had to wait for the doctor to call with the test results. Ulquiorra brewed endless cups of tea for the two of them, because neither of them had much of an appetite.

                When Orihime got up to go to the toilet and was overlong in returning, Ulquiorra went to check on her. He found her standing in the bathroom, leaned over the toilet, one arm on the wall. Tears streamed down her cheeks and into the water. There in the toilet bowl was a very large clot of blood. He came beside her and tangled his fingers in hers. She rested her head on his shoulder and they both stared down into the toilet. There was nothing to say, so they stood silently together for a few moments before she reached out and pressed the handle to flush it away.

                The doctor called not long after that, to let her know that her hormone levels were declining. Ulquiorra took the call, and told the doctor what had happened. She told him it sounded like things were resolving naturally, told him what to expect over the next few days, and gave him the list of symptoms to watch for in case of complication or infection. Just as he was about to get off the phone, the doctor hesitantly added, “Cifer-san?”

                “Yes?”

                “I… I’m so sorry for your loss.”

                Ulquiorra felt a numbness creep over him which he had not known since he had been in Hueco Mundo. “Thank you, doctor,” he muttered, not knowing what else to say as he hung up. Something about the doctor’s words made things seem so much more… final.

                Orihime lay in the bed, resting. Ulquiorra came in and lay down beside her, watching her breathe as the light from the sunset spilled through the window and across her perfect body. The light glinted off a tear as it rolled down her cheek, and he realized she was not sleeping. “Ulquiorra… What’s it like,” she asked raggedly, “being a Hollow?”

                Ulquiorra felt a pang in his chest, hearing these words come from her, but what hurt him the most was, he understood completely what she was asking. “We can try again, Onna,” he whispered, slipping his hand into hers.

                “I feel so sad…” she quavered. “And then sometimes, I feel so angry. And I don’t know why.”

                Ulquiorra considered sharing with her the hormonal implications the doctor had explained to him over the phone, but he thought better of it. “Orihime, nothing I say can help how you feel. I ask you to forgive me in advance if I say something that is hurtful to you. Please know it is not intended that way. A time like this, it is more difficult than usual to for me find the right words.”

                She opened her eyes and turned her head slightly, glancing over at him with a weary smile. Tenderness like this was so rare for him, and she did not take the gesture lightly. “Thank you,” she whispered.

                “Do you need anything?” he asked, handing her a tissue from his night stand.

                “Time,” she sighed, dabbing at her eyes and wiping her nose. “”I don’t feel like going out.”

                He lay beside her, quiet, thinking for a while.

                “You know the worst part of this?” she snapped unexpectedly. “I wasn’t even really far enough along to bother telling anyone yet, and so I’m going through all this, and nobody even knows.” She looked down at the tissue and picked at the edges. “I wasn’t even really that far along. It shouldn’t be such a big deal. It was hardly more than a bad period.”

                “We.”

                Orihime looked up, startled. “Huh?”

                “We,” Ulquiorra repeated. “We are going through all this. And I know about it.” He brushed at the tears welling again in her eyes. “And perhaps it should not be ‘such a big deal,’ as you say, but clearly, it is.” He kissed her forehead. “We will try again, Onna. Do not despair at this.”

                She bit her lip, and nodded, fighting back the tears as she turned away from him. Ulquiorra moved against her, holding her close as she sobbed silently.

                “This,” he whispered, holding her close and splaying his fingers across her abdomen, “This is what it feels like… to be a Hollow.”

***
AN: Sorry if it’s too upsetting, I realize this isn’t the sort of sweet, light-hearted fluff you may be accustomed to seeing from this couple. I was writing a larger story, and going through some personal issues at the time, so my head was not in the right place to work on that. They say to write what you know, so here it is. I’ll try to put up some happier stuff when I’m able to. Thank you for reading, please review if you have a moment, I treasure them.
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Loss