rate_review Reviews

You said you'd definitely like some feedback on this. Technically, I don't think it's bad. You construct your sentences well enough, but, as far as characterization goes, there are a few holes. Grimmjow's motivation makes sense, considering that it's Grimmjow, but he doesn't much resemble the sixth Espada, beyond that. he announces exactly what he's thinking, and there aren't many people anywhere who do that. It takes a lot of the work out of reading a story, and it also bleaches out a little bit of the interest. People are mysterious - if you were to make Grimmjow a little less obvious, I think you'd really have something. Also, I really don't see Ichigo being the type to lie there, whatever the circumstances, and let his arm get cut off. If Ichigo has a vanity in the series, it's his pride. The third thing I'd mention is that neither character really sounds like themselves. They both have pretty particular speech patterns in the anime and in the manga. One last thing you might want to think about is varying your phrasing. You used the turn of phrase "was having none of that" about 5 times, which is a little excessive. I'm telling you this to be helpful, not to be discouraging. You've got the basics down, and you show some promise as a writer. Just pay a little more attention to specifics, and your stories will make that leap from good to excellent. If you have any questions or want me to clarify anything, feel free to let me know.

You, my friend, have a sick, demented mind... I like it!! ^^

Quite simply, a load of crap. I mean in every way - badly written and plain unbelievable and pointless.

This was soo EVIL. Me really like


Mu HAHAHA!

Oh HELLS NO I would let my son go upstairs if he just lost his arm with no obvious reason. And I think it's utterly remarkable Ichi can still walk around like nothing ever happened, he should have died of bloodloss already~! And GAWD I would be totally hysterical if my brother just lost one limb and they're quite calm eventually afterwards, it's just not really that realistic, sorry.
But I really did like the beginning and the torture, I only thought the end was a bit unrealistic.

No problem. What people fail to realize, is that one must comment on the skill with which the story was written, not the content.

*Shudder*
what a fic!
i am excited!
ichi is lucky. he has orihime. ^^ she will cure the problem. please continue. i hope to read from you soon. ^^

Wow...disturbing...to say the least...but nice...I liked it's disturbiness...although I don't like armless Ichigo! Lol...is there more to this?

Hmm... well, not terrible, but there are some flaws I couldn't help but notice... First, Grimmjow's tattoo was on his back, not his hip; each Espada tends to have their tattoo's in different places, and that happened to be where Luppi decided to have his.

Another little problem I had was, how did Grimmjow manage to continue grabbing Ichigo's limbs and then cut them, when he only had one arm? Past that, I have to say that, despite having Grimmjow in his room, Ichigo seemed to not react much to losing an arm; no doubt his screams would have woken his family up long before hand. Also, I'm not sure gauze alone would stop the massive amount of bleeding that would come from arm loss...

But past all that, it was a decent fic altogether.