Adult-FanFiction.org : Bleach

Reviews for The Real King

By : NovaAlexandria

From writeaddict on January 17, 2012
I love this story! It really is excellent, once I stumbled upon it I couldn't stop reading.
I like how you've made Ichigo the dominant one. I never see that even though HE was the one that beat Grimmjow rather than the other way around. I've also never seen a m-preg with Grimmjow carrying. You've managed to make it realistic, in that it makes sense biologically for his hollow. I never really got into m-preg for Bleach but you make it work.
There are a few grammatical errors but it's usually not so bad to the point that I can't tell what you mean. There is one thing though. You mentioned that once the egg is laid it needs less than a month to hatch (I think it was three weeks) but when Ichigo escaped the labs the egg is laid and he lets 3.5 weeks(24-25 days) pass before he merges the rest of his soul. And the day he merges with Hitsu and Zan, Grimmjow is talking to the egg and says that he can't wait to see the cub and that there's only 15 days left. That's more than 3 weeks-a month of waiting so I think the time line is a bit off. I may be wrong though, but that might be something you want to clarify if I'm wrong just in case some of your other readers think the same thing.
I'm really enjoying your story and looking forward to reading more of it. I just wanted you to know your efforts in writing it are appreciated.
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From JOler on January 16, 2012
If Szayel ends up needing emergency help with healing/pregnancy issues and Ichigo ends up having to take him back to the human world along with Grimmjow, egg/cub, and several food packets ... Szayel's potential for a non-hollow mate definitely increases since his basic requirements seem to be

1. Intelligence - Zangetsu is intelligent enough to still be a training and moderating presence for Ichigo, Ishen is a doctor and former captain (so it is presumed he is smart), Kisuke is the former lieutenant of the stealth force and captain of research and development ~ and he seems to still be doing R&D while in the human world.

2. Strength - all three have achieved bonkai, two are captain level fighters and one is a 'living weapon'

The only real negative side is that they are either 'retired' shinigami or shinigami weapon encased in the body of a pseudo-shinigami ... so Szayel would just have to suck it up and accept a mate 'from the other side'.

Also it can be noted ... aside from a few Kisuke/Youroichi, Kisuke/SoiFon, and at least one abusive Ishen/Ichigo fic I don't recall many stories with any of those three in relationships ... so any one of them with Szayel would be a rare pair.
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From ANON - Bleach_daydreamer on January 16, 2012
Yay I finally read all of it! I must say this is one of the few stories I really like! Poor Szayel...I know he was mean to Ichigo and Grimmjow, but still...he didn't deserve to miscarry twice! Stupid H'Tsu! I hope Ichigo kicks your ass! Take better care of your Beta you jerk!
But anyways I am looking forward to seeing what happens next! Keep up the good work!

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From Stacy on January 16, 2012
This story keeps getting better and better. I'm god smacked that Grim is being kind of nice to what's his name. Such a good kitty!
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From sesshyfreak on January 16, 2012
My dear, this is probably one of the most amazing stories I've ever read. I absolutely hate WIPs, as I'm very impatient, but your summary intrigued me, and I adore MPreg. You've written the characters very well, and your plot is fantastic. I look forward to reading more of your story. If you've got an updating system, please let me know! My email is sesshy_is_hot@hotmail.com
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From blueflame125 on January 15, 2012
Oh, poor Sazyel. I hope he won't make any evil plans after this. Grimmjow has more control than I thought. I thought there would be some violence or harsh argument before understanding. Praise maternal instinct! ;P
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From JOler on January 14, 2012
I love both the fic and the side story. I'm still hoping that my complication suggestions (see 'Butterfly' reviews) might be considered ... with Ichigo being even more caring and sympathetic now that he knows about all three miscarriages and the one successful delivery that would probably be equated to a still-birth in human terms.

So ... roughly 25 days internal incubation then 20 days until hatching? Assuming H'Tsu impregnated Szayel the third time around the time Grimmjow delivered then Szayel should deliver about 5 days after Grimmjow's cub hatches. That should be close to when Grimmjow's cub starts toddling around and exploring the den area and plopping down where ever to sleep when it wants a nap. It would be great to see both sets of mothers totally mortified if Grimmjow's cub's favorite napping place is curled around Szayel's egg ~ effectively letting the two cubs get bonded early. I doubt either mom would deal well with the fallout of separating them when Szayel's time came to leave the pack. It would be even more interesting if Grimmjow conceded to let Szayel stay as long as he was mated to someone in the pack other than the alpha couple (in other words ... H'Tsu ... though Grimmjow doesn't specify that). Szayel might even accept the offer but be very specific about H'Tsu being the only pack member not up for consideration ... and that he'd willingly beta to Ichigo's shinigami spirit (Zangetsu) or submit to the beta of the alpha couple before accepting H'Tsu again. Just seeing everyone's reaction to him offering to beta to Zangetsu would be ... interesting. (wonder if Zangetsu would consider it just to keep the babies and Ichigo content).
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From ANON - Kristin on January 14, 2012
Great chapter! I like how Grimmjow is understanding and sorting through his feelings, to kill Sayzel, (sorry if I spelled it wrong)to get to the logical thinking of how everything happened and to accept what needs to been done. I am going to try reading the story of how H'tsu broke Sayzel. I absolutely love your writing and stories. Keep up the awesome work and please update soon, this is one of my most favorite stories, thank you!
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From ANON - Rangiku on January 11, 2012
Total Cliffhanger there! Grim is gona be pissed for sure and since Ichigo brings Syazel back, I am sure he is gona be even more protective of the egg than ever. He might not even leave the den to hunt anymore.I really wanna hug Grimmy! He's been thru alot.. And I do hope he has a chance to Dominate Ichigo after everything ends. But that will be another story, right?? *wink wink*

As much as I prefer H'tsu to just kill Syazel off, it does makes the story interesting. Keep up the good work! Will always support you.
Can't wait for the next update!

Hugs & Kisses
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From JOler on January 08, 2012
Actually ... after giving it some thought and rereading the chapter again ... I could see Ichigo have to help or carry Szayel into the den and Grimmjow instantly assuming one of two things ... Szayel is his first 'real food' meal provided by Ichigo ... or ... Szayel is the 'supervised test hunt' to see if Grimmjow is ready to hunt on his own yet (and still his next meal).
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From JOler on January 08, 2012
I'm sure Grimmjow will want to torture and/or kill Szayel after the way Szayel kept him and Ichigo separated at the end of his pregnancy. I suppose Szayel's defense could be that while he had the two of them separated he always monitored the health of Grimmjow and the egg to ensure neither came to any harm and adequate food, water, shelter, and anything else required (including time with Ichigo eventually) was provided so that Grimmjow remained healthy and the egg wasn't lost ~ I suppose he could even speculate that since ichigo was relying on what imitation food supplies he'd found instead of hunting for 'real fresh' food and the fact that the available supplies are nearly depleted and might easily have not lasted to the end of the pregnancy given Grimmjow's appetite ... his intervention and monitoring might have actually saved both Grimmjow and the egg. Ichigo could also try to draw on any possible shred of decency in Grimmjow by pointing out how much H'Tsu has already tortured Szayel and that Szayel has already miscarried twice because of how his alpha has mistreated him ... something Szayel ensured Grimmjow never had to feel the pain of during this pregnancy. I also suppose that if he must Ichigo could take everyone back to Kisuke along with a few food packet samples and ask for help in getting Szayel stabilized enough physically to carry the egg to term ... kind of wonder if Ishin would help a bit too since the offspring ae technically his grand babies ('dad can ya help Kisuke watch Grimmjow, Szayel, and the babies while I go get them something to eat ... unless you want to get them a hollow or two from Hueco Mundo and bring it back ...).
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From JOler on January 08, 2012
I get the feeling Grimmjow is going to be furious but that he will still instinctively obey his alpha grudgingly if Ichigo orders him not to harm Szayel or Szayel's offspring ... and same goes for Szayel (I'm sure Ichigo would ensure H'Tsu gave Szayel that order as well).

Poor Szayel ... he's still number 8 so even beta Grimmjow is stronger ... actually once he's free of H'Tsu I wonder if beta Grimmjow would settle for dominating Szayel ... could be an interesting threesome with Grimmjow being both an alpha to Szayel and a beta to Ichigo. I think Szayel will be far happier and healthier with Ichigo putting a damper on Grimmjow's jealous and possessive anger as well as reigning in H'Tsu's violent nature. Eventually Grimmjow might decide he has the best of both worlds after a bit of time ... and Szayel will still be relieved that Ichigo is there to keep Grimmjow in check.

Ichigo is probably going to do his best to take care of both betas but in the interest of safety they may need to rip out a wall or two so that each 'mama' has their own nest room and Ichigo can position himself between them. I'm sure that since Grimmjow is feeling stronger and more up to hunting that Ichigo will probably insist Grimmjow bring back enough for them both if he hunts. As for how he treats H'Tsu ... I imagine he will let H'Tsu know that any pain he inflicts on Szayel from that moment onward will be met with equal pain being inflicted on him (he may need to convince Zangetsu to help him). I'm also sure H'Tsu is going to be furious.

Of course all my speculations might be totally off but ... anything is possible at this point.
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From Quetzalcotal on January 07, 2012
Grim is gonna be PISSED XD update soon!!!
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From ANON - qwerty on January 07, 2012
Damn. Looking forward to see how this all becomes resolved!
Good chapter
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From ANON - ChiAlmasy on December 31, 2011
this is a great story! ^^
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