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Reviews for I Am The King

By : HollowedRose

From Deminos01 on December 12, 2010
I like the way how you portray Grimmjow's brutality and the characterization is very good in my opinion. I hope to see the next chapter soon. Good luck and be safe
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From toujourseveille on December 06, 2010
Uwha, you're so good to your readers about updating. (Lol, I'm fucking awful...)

"Kisama," "onore," "omae," and "teme" are, more or less, all different ways of saying "you" insultingly or harshly. Translators say "bastard" and whatnot, but this is really what it is�different shades of connotation. (Ichigo NORMALLY calls most people "omae" (even "teme," which is SO inflammatory), but that's Ichigo's default level of politeness/lack thereof.)

I think "kisama" is derogatory in the same way "onore" is derogatory�they're both actually kinda... formal, but, being used to insult, they come off more condescending than respectful. A little like saying, "Fine, YOUR HIGHNESS."

I can't really hear Morita's Ichigo saying "kisama" more than "teme�." Nor Grimmjow. It fits more with... Byakuya's or Rukia's (or possibly Renji's, while on duty), speaking style.

(Lol, during the SS arc, I believe Byakuya almost solely addressed Ichigo as "kisama" or as "brat"/"boy"...)

Well... Good job, like always. Sorry for my lengthy Japanese note. (I get carried away. I'm a foreign language whore.)

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From toujourseveille on December 04, 2010
I agree about the, uh, dearth of realism concerning the Spontaneous Rapists and Convenient Homosexuality. So... I'm happy you're not making Aizen a rapist. :D ? (For both writing's sake and Ichigo's sake.)

I'd hazard a guess and say that... Ishida or Urahara (when he knows) will tell Isshin. ...I don't know, though. Unohana might be more tactful, but she's not as close (and I don't know if she knew Isshin during his shinigami days�probably not, looking back on the SS arc).

You're doing a very good job keeping it all plausible and IC, you know? What I find particularly viable in this chapter is Ichigo's loss of will but hesitance to die...

On a random note, I imagine Rukia's initial reaction to this to be... a little less expressive than that of Renji or Ishida, but more expressive as her (as well as everyone's) patience wears, waiting for Urahara to open the gate... I'm interested in how you envision her reaction comparatively, and I'll enjoy finding out when you arrive there. "When"�as you see it appropriate, that is.

(Good lord, I gotta get writing...)
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From toujourseveille on December 02, 2010
Wow. This is probably the first time I've ever thought, "THANK YOU, AIZEN!" Although it is most likely not out of concern for Ichigo, anything helps at this point... Then again, I don't know what kind of crap Aizen will pull... Idk if your Aizen's a rapist or if he has the intent to torture, so I should probably avoid premature conclusions...

Well. If you become addicted to writing, I don't think I'll have a problem with that. XD

(I hope the people back in Karakura are planning something. And... Is anyone gonna tell Isshin?)
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From toujourseveille on November 30, 2010
I saw this updated this morning (and I was like "YES!"), but I had to rush off...

Thank you for this fabulously FAST update (t-three days... Oh my.)

Great reactions. You've done everyone quite nicely�especially Ishida and Kon. You have a way with COMPREHENSIVE plot motion.~

But... shit... Ichigo was taken to LAS NOCHES? That's, uh... The recovery necessary for this (if there will be any) is looking worse and worse. Grimmjow pretty much NUKED Ichigo's intrinsic motivation levels; Ichigo, physically, was WRECKED�and the prospect of him being a captive? (The prospect of CPTSD?)

Wow. I am trying to think of the ways Ichigo's mind would survive this. Probably not intact, but survival doesn't necessitate "intact"... Given he doesn't physically die and doesn't try to off himself... I would guess he'd start having some sort of dissociative or depersonalization disorder to do psychological damage control in such a threatening environment. //shudders// His cortisol levels would be so high... Is he gonna dip into psychosis? Regular delusions?

...Well, my ramblings aside, you've done a great job, and I'm an eager reader...

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From gollumsfriend on November 30, 2010

I just read through your first 8 chapters in one sitting.

I'm really impressed with your story so far. I think you've done an amazing job at capturing feelings that Ichigo, Ishida, and now Renji would have in such a violent scenario as this.

I cheered when the calvary (hurrah for Kenpachi!!!) showed up....but of course the good guys don't always win, and you pulled that off very nicely. I think you give this story a very 'realistic' feeling. You totally threw me for a loop by having Ulquiorra take Ichigo like he did---I didn't see that coming at all. As if we all weren't feeling horrible enough for poor Ichi, now he's being dragged off to Hueco Mundo unhealed??! YOU ARE EEEEEVIL!!!!!!! XD Just kidding!!

Anyway, I was truly surprised by how this chapter ended and I can't wait to see where you take it!! My biggest hope is that you don't go for months between updates, or worse yet that you never finish it!! =( (That would make gollum cry, so please don't consider doing that!!!!)

Keep up the great job!
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From Carojun on November 29, 2010
Wow!! Great writting! I completely understand what you mean by the human mind and by writting something you would never do. Whenever I see a scar or a small wound, I feel the pain the person probably felt (which is why I'm not a doctor, nurse, etc.) but in books, games, movies, it's not the same. So, I like your story even though it's horrible for Ichigo. I guess it's because stories like that make you feel things that we never feel in our day-to-day lives. But honestly, I really want Ichigo to get healed, now. I feel so bad for him. Oddly, I don't hate Grimmjow for what he did. I mean he's a hollow and his character is very unpredictable. So, I feel this might be closer to reality than the anime/manga, maybe not as extreme, but still. That being said, keep going!!
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From toujourseveille on November 27, 2010
...Oh.

This is sad.

I feel... just... sad, reading this.

Ichigo's bitter feelings, and both his and his Hollow's failing efforts to salvage his soul...
The injustice and the desperation of it is so�unrepentantly sad.

While, biased, I want Ichigo to live rather than die, I don't know how fair it would be to him either way.

Well... you've done a good job, here. I dread it, but even so, I'd like to know what happens.

(I know what you mean about feeling... disturbed, concerning the things you're capable of writing. Yeah�most of the time, I write "A Grudge's Decision" in an alarmingly organic fashion. How I tend to think about it, though, is that... although I may not be doing characters' well-being justice, I am trying to do their feelings justice�something you've done effectively, I think.

I think it would be more cause for disturbance if you subjected a character to something like that using flippant narrative, without making concession to the ramifications of such cruelty OR without expressing the intent to be flippant.)

�toujourseveille

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From NovaAlexandria on November 13, 2010
A very good chapter. Too many things I liked to really comment on them all but one that sticks out is how Grimmjow got Szayel to back off. That left me chuckling slightly. If I was Ishida I would probably have clubbed Renji up the back of the head to knock him out rather than spill hot water, lol. Still, hot water in the lap really stings.

English is the most messed up language in the world because it's several languages plunged into one, so there is no defined set of rules per say. I had a conversation with a co-worker from the Philippines about it. She was commenting on the weird spelling and pronunciations. Like Phone would be spelt Fone in the Philippines. I explained that the reason English is so phonetically hard to learn is because the words come from many different languages with their own phonetic system. Like Jalepeno. It's pronounced Halipeno, we use it in English, but it is actually Spanish.
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From NovaAlexandria on October 14, 2010
English is a very mess up language because it is a hybrid of many languages. English is my only language but there are so many rules, counter rules, exceptions, etc that even a born speaker has a hard time with it. I can't imagine what it's like learning it as a second language.

Yet another great chapter and I get the feeling Grimmjow is going to be in for a world of hurt. Keep up the good work my friend.
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From Lethargy on October 14, 2010
Aww. You did great with the grammar this time!
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From toujourseveille on October 14, 2010
For someone whose first language is not English, you've done a wonderful job! (Honestly, it's better than some fictions written by primarily English speakers. XP)

I did suspect English was your second language, though. Which is NOT a bad thing; I just find it interesting. Every once in a while, there's an unusual sentence construct�something that may be considered "textbook-wrong," but I find it to be a testimony to how different languages affect thought organization�syntax and psychology. (And if I may ask, what is your first language?)

Okay, back on topic: this chapter, yes.

Very, very well-played. Very IC. Very well-paced. The socio-emotional dynamics are spot on. The way you discuss Ishida's vulnerability in this (along with Ichigo's) is striking.

I feel sated. (But I am eager for more... Which, I suppose, makes me a little hypocritical, having such a desire. While it's true I've written so much, I'm at a huge impasse and I don't know how to make it arrive at fruition... My writing is getting so much bigger than me...)
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From NovaAlexandria on October 10, 2010
I am glad you are gaining a boost of confidence. I remember fearing for my life when I posted my first fan fict, Midsummer's Eve, on fanfictDOTnet.

Once again I loved the interaction and how everyone was emotionally portrayed. Few spelling and sentence errors again, but I am also guilty of such things. It is hard to edit your own work. So is revenge in the works? I wonder how Ishida would react if he caught Ichigo returning the favor. Course, a huge plot twist would be Ishida returning the favor.

Anyhow, I look forward to the next chapter.
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From toujourseveille on October 09, 2010
I'm finding this to be very IC. I'm very pleased with the way you captured Ishida's reactions. They flow in a realistic way, considering his personality and people in general.

Worry -> confusion -> annoyance -> understanding -> guilt -> rage -> pity (towards Ichigo and himself)...

Ah... You did a good job. In h/c stories, some writers run into the pitfall of making the "comfort" overly altruistic. Although Ishida isn't "selfish" per se, he is an egoist. And, although It's very hard to portray an egoist in their moments of compassion, you did it.

Well, keep up the good work. :)

(By the way, the third chapter is in the works. I've actually written a disgusting amount for this story since Chapter II�perhaps over 7,000 WC�but the pieces aren't quite falling together...)
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From Lethargy on October 05, 2010
Aww, poor Ichi. I think this is the first story I've ever read where I've actually liked Ishida!

For next time, you don't need to preface dialogue with "- " or anything, and a comma shouldn't come after a quotation mark. You don't need to use a comma at all if dialogue ends with some other punctuation; even if the sentence continues with "he said" or whatever, if the dialogue ends with a punctuation mark or a comma (pretty much anything other than a period) then the sentence can continue. When it ends with a comma, though, the comma still has to come before the quotation mark just like everything else.

Thanks for the h/c! Please write more!
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