Adult-FanFiction.org : Bleach

Reviews for Prize of Victory

By : NovaAlexandria

From ANON - Totty on December 06, 2011
Review Chapter 37: It has come to my attention that when you write Yammy and Byakuya you have the tendency to use the phrase "the other" rather frequently. Your writing is AMAZING, but just something that I noted is that you tend to stick with the same references over and over, with a story of this length you should try some more variation. Also it really surprises me how many small typos there are. Your vocabulary and sentence structure are great, but every now and again a word will be the wrong one (i.e. two, to, and too or your and you're) some could be simple typos but some come across confusing. I know how easy it is to skim over your own work and not notice because your brain automatically supplies what you meant; however, I was under the impression that someone betas your work and I would think that would be caught. The problems are no where near bad enough to cause me to quit reading or anything like that, but they do cause me to take pause here and there to step back and figure out what was meant. I love the romance with Nemu,and I have to agree with whoever mentioned it, that if you are going for more passion the addition of kisses is a great asset!
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From ANON - Anon on December 06, 2011
I just want to say, this is some of the best written fanfiction I have ever read-very detailed, a well thought out and designed plot that stays true to the characters and really examines their motives in a realistic fashion. I immensly enjoy the concept, the aftermath and many characters being claimed is such an exciting situation and it is interesting to see what will take place. I saw Ukitake's name mentioned, I am so glad he is in this and I surely hope his owner turns out to have a good living condition for him. I was initially very surprized with the pairing of Grimmjow and Karin but your fic has really made me enjoy their pairing and the potential of their relationship in this context. I am only on the sixth chapter and I cannot wait to read this in it's entirety. In addition, at the end of this chapter, the most stunning thing besides the intense confrontation between Grim & Uliqu and how you panned out this scene of Karin willinging pleasing Grim was the mention of golden eyes and mourning, I instantly flashed to Ichigo and I really have no clue how this will work out if our defeated shinigami makes a reapearance and yet, I hope that will occur and everything will be set right. However, I know that drama and tragedy earns more veiws so most likely, I assume that things may go down hill from here. Also, it deserves so many reveiws it is not funny so I hope this one could bring you a smile and know that your hardwork is being appreciated :)
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From ANON - Totty on December 05, 2011
Review: Chapter 17

Ok 2 things that made me laugh out loud: 1) "He'd have to find a new den to raise the young... one with better defences." I died. My husband and I are native american and we raise wolves at a wild life reserve and that comment just hit home for me! 2) "Chicks dig that sort of sensitive crap." I could just see the ever so slight contemplation that passed over that mostly impassive face! Maybe it is my mental image but such course language in such a nonchalant expression met with Uliquorra's over analytical nature was hysterical. Excellent job as always! Also, I'm not usually one who is a fan of pregnancy, but well this fic has been letting me enjoy things I generally wouldn't so I'm still on board!
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From ANON - Totty on December 05, 2011
Ok, so I'm not sure how the reviews work on this site, since this is my first time reviewing. Just in case they aren't chapter sensitive, I have read up to chapter 11/12? Toshiro's part. I wanted to leave a review and say that this story is amazing! I haven't read anything with a good plot to it on this site before, and I wanted to especially compliment the fact that you are trying to write things that you aren't used to. For your first yuri I think the chapter was pretty good. I think that it is great that you are stepping out of your comfort zone, and I have done the same by reading some parts of this story(as you said anything can be good if it is well written!). I think that the yuri lacked a bit of substance (but as you've said you sometimes use your own experiences and that doesn't really apply here I take it). I think that Toshiro's embarrassment was a good way to tone the chapter down a bit on the erotic notes. I've never been a Uliquorra fan and had never even dreamed of Grimmjow and Karin, but I like both pairings a lot the way you write them. If I find anything else I can lend some criticism I will review again! Just know that you are gaining some new readers and your story is fabulous!
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From ANON - NightPredator on December 04, 2011
Nooo Jushiro!!! I hope he is found by someone soon and promptly recieves medical treatment.
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From ANON - gollumsfriend on December 04, 2011

Meh.....who knows. Could have been my browser showing the weird symbols to me only, but strange that they only appeared in chapters 30-something and up. I had checked back in here 2-3 days later and they were all gone. They're still gone now so all is right again. LOL ^^

Loved the new chapter update! The interaction between Ajuga and Yumichika was really sweet. The way Ulquiorra and the old fart faced off against each other verbally was pretty great, too. Thanks so much for the update!
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From ANON - bleachfan7 on December 04, 2011
hope juu is gonna be ok. can szayzel or orihime do something (more than whatever 4th squad has done til moment)? its your fic, so guess we'll know next chap. also wondered why ori didn't offer to use her shield to carry dear for ajuga (as she used it to catch ichigo when ulqui had blasted him in chest), given she's in full on maternal/caregiver mode.

loved that yumi got to be himself for a bit, & of course that ulqui came as soon as he felt ori's fear, as a good papa/hubby should. that was a smile-on-face moment for me after the tense skeeviness induced in barragan scene (such a creep)! thx for that. good luck on sonogram (hope all is good news & you & baby are healthy)
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From ANON - midnightwakeonyou on December 03, 2011
nnnnnnnnnnnnnnoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo you cant do that to him.. it is so wrong on so many level and why isnt stark their to help him at all.. I am so not getting it at all.. and y in the nine hells did his unholyness show up and not aizen i meen.. and why is he so instedt in Ajuga-chan.. oh man if karin finds out she will go crazy.. man that is horrible.. she should stay the way she is now.. and i cant wait orihime to have her baby.. i think it would be so cute a nemu should get pregnat now it perfect timing
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From ANON - Mofaf1 on December 03, 2011
Love the interaction with Yumichika. Poor Jushiro, I hope he gets better and not worse. Hmmm ... We haven't seen much of how Barragan treats his 'pets' but just because of Ajuga's reaction (she seems a good judge of character) he needs to be locked away with Yammey and Aizen with no one else around. Hmmm maybe in a spatial rift that lets them see everyone but otherwise have no interaction or contact ... and of course everyone else could ignore them. Gotta wonder what the three would do once they discovered there was no way out and they were stuck with only each other.

Wonder how Starrk will react to Jushiro's situation ... I'm sure he felt something through the claim and should go back to check. It's sad that Orahime can't fix his disease ... or has she even been asked to try since I don't know that she is aware of it in the cannon nor has she offered to or tried to cure him in cannon to the best of my knowledge. I'm sure the girls will be upset ~ ok, Ajuga would probably see it as a pack member is sick or simply because it upsets mama, Nanao, Orahime, and eventually Rangeku ~ even though the espada may take it more in stride (still think Starrk cares a bit for his 'pets' and might be saddened to a degree).

The need for an update on Ajuga came at a surprisingly convenient time. I'm sure Szayel didn't just use it as an excuse to rescue Ajuga from Barragan (riiiight ... I get the feeling that once she's grown and her hormones say get a mate ... Szayel might suddenly find himself with a very adept and accomplished stalker ~ much to everyone's distress. If he manages to get over his PTSD he might even decide by that time that he's ready to let her be in charge of a few private experamints (as long as she promises to keep him safe from daddy) ~oh, and she'd probably be the one to put the claim on him and knock mama's claim into a distant fading memory. But that is just how I see Ajuga acting once she starts seeing Szayel as a potential and viable mate instead of a 'family friend' and a protector ... he is one of her few male playmates and he would fall into the 'sophisticated older man-teacher' group that school-age girls usually get their first crush on.

Karin and Grimmjow are most definitely not going to like hearing of Barragan's interest in Ajuga. Even Ulquiorra didn't seem too impressed. Half expected Barragan to use his ability and age Ajuga several years right there. Hate Aizen but it might be worth him seeing and hearing the little interchange just to get Soi Fon and Yumichika to new masters ... and Barragan gone completely. Let's see ... Grimm only has one claim, Ulqui only has one claim, Nnoitra only has one claim, unfortunately Yammey has one claim (though he would probably like to have a second 'pretty-hime' to give Bya company and a rest at times or just have two 'trophys' on his arm), seems Harribel only has one (and she prefers females) ... Starrk and Szayel appear to be the only two besides Barragan with two active claims so if he was disposed of his two claims and one surviving fractionne could conceivably go to another ... of course there is always the possibility that Ggio would officially claim Soi Fon if given the chance in that case. Although Aisen might permit Starrk a third and possibly fourth simply because of how frail Jushiro is ... and because Starrk is the Primo espada and strong enough to control them ~ though I suppose they could say one belonged to Lilinette (lol). Hmmm ... If Barragan and Yammey lost their claims I'd opt for Ggio and Soi Fon, Starrk getting Byakuya to help Nanao care for Jushiro, and Lilinette getting Yumichika (you could just see him cringing at her fashion sense) ... and Ajuga happily chasing Szayel's tail without him realizing she is slowly growing up and the chasing is definitely becoming less of a playful childish focus and more of a grown-up amorous focus ... Until the day she pounces him and declares "MINE!" and dives in for a mind-numbing and breath-raking kiss that leaves him stunned and speechless ... And, of course I'd love to see Rangeku with a baby bump and Nnoitra treating her like she's the most delicate and priceless crystal in the world (not to mention seeing him hold his own baby for the first time ... Think that might scare him more than fighting the entire swarm single-handedly). Even if we only get to see her make the announcement I guess the reaction would be good enough. Would kinda like to see the protection break and Tatsuki at least go through a scare if not get preggers (again ... I suppose just seeing it happen at the end and showing Tesra's reaction might be enough). Wonder what it will take for Nnoitra to get the 'balls' to ask Rangeku to be his mate ... think he's convinced she'd say no. Of course if she and Tatsuki were talking about it and he overheard Rangeku whistfully say that maybe one day he'd really want her and care for her that much ... but (in a sad voice) that's too much to ever hope for ... he might get the hint. Glad Nnoitra is giving Rangeku a bit more freedom.

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From ANON - Rachael on December 03, 2011
Your story is splendid. Ive been following it for months. I don't mind if its 500 chapters long. Of course..I know it must come to an end...but I hope that end is at least a year away. Can't wait to read more.
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From HikariNoRyuu on November 30, 2011
Hi! I've been reading and following this story for a good long while now (since early august, I think), and am only just now reviewing (I am a lurker, heh...). Anyway, I absolutely love this story and the way you portray the characters (especially Tesla; I often find myself squealing like the shameless fangirl that I am when I read scenes with him, simply from how adorable I find him!), and I can't wait to find out what happens! :D
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From ANON - midnightwakeonyou on November 27, 2011
I have to say if this story goes to 200 it would be awesome.. this ia one of THE BEST BLEACH FANFICTION I HAVE EVER READ... you so win the award if their was one for bleach... anyways i cant wait for orihime to give birth and see what happin due the rebel against aizin or not...
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From jensofia on November 27, 2011
Interesting that you decided to make Tesla a natural born hollow. I've noticed the lack of hollow holes in certain Arrancars including Szayel and Coolhorn and had wondered about that. To further support this Tesla is 2nd least twisted arrancar (Nel being the least twisted) and Coolhorn describes himself a pure hearted (which is odd because hollows have no hearts). Also Szayel acts civilized most of the time and has a brother but unfortunately Yylfort has a hollow hole so that would debunk them being blood relatives if one is a born hollow.

I wanted to comment this now given what happened in the last chapter it looks like Tatsuki wont be ripping out Szayel's hair and braiding it into rope for more than one reason. And I just realized I must have been anticipating the development of the Tatsuki/Tesla relationship a little too much given the significance of hollows doing it from the front. When I read the first sentence and the first 5 words in particular I thought the porn started at the start of the chapter.
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From ANON - NightPredator on November 27, 2011
Heartstrings have indeed been pulled.

P.S. I love you. I love your writing.
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From ANON - gollumsfriend on November 27, 2011

You KNOW I love your stories my dear......but I have to ask what's up with all the weird looking question mark symbols that have appeared in chapters 36 to the most recent chapter that was posted today. None of the chapters were like this when I read your last update....but now there's a weird symbol in place of your quotation marks and apostrophes.
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