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Reviews for That Dreaded Word

By : Platinumsabr

From moonymuch on February 28, 2009
Again, I have to commend you on your love scenes. They're always sweet and well, loving and chock full of character development, which you don't expect to find in a lemon.
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From ANON - DR. Jinxers on February 28, 2009
Where do I start...

Well, I'm new to this whole series you have going, so I can't say I've read your other stories, which probably would have been a good idea, because I haven't have a clue who some of these characters are... Granted I've been piecing together what I can where I can, and I think I get the gist of it. Regardless, a brilliant job to make a less admired character centric within a story, and rather brilliantly, might I add.

You play off Soi's anger and rage well, and I must say I approve of how you've used the character.

One possible issue I've found, and this is just in how I view Soi-Fong, far be it from me to judge, but despite her cold and calculated demeanor, she seems to me more like one who would... rely more on raw instinct within the bedroom, shall we say. I did see some of that there, definitely, but I didn't see her dominant nature come out at all in the lemon scene, nor have I seen it. I'm guessing this is probably having to do with the recent time skip, and the fact that she's lightened up, but seeing Fiery ol' Soi every now and again certainly couldn't hurt... then again, you're the author, far be it from me to comment, as long as you don't pull the equivalent of a Kishimoto and kill one of your most beloved secondary characters off in three sentences in a demeaning and despicable manner that has absolutely no place within the storyline.

Yeah, I think if you stay away from that, I should be good.

Thanks for keeping me entertained. I'd do the same, but my muse for writing anything but opinion pieces has left me for some reason, and I need to find her again.

Ja~!
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From Jennyt82 on February 27, 2009
That was a great chapter and i just thought i should drop you a review to let you know. Hopefully without the login for review thing you'll have more reviews for this chapter. It's a great story and you definitely deserve them. I know that reviews are a great thing to get especially long ones so here's one that i hope makes up for my distinct lack of reviews in earlier chapters and i will do my best to give you a review for each chapter. I read this one this morning and wasn't able to type up the review then so, let's hope this shows that i intend to try.
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From ANON - Gatita on February 26, 2009
I can�t tell you how ecstatic I am, both with the fact that you put up another chapter and for the fact that you didn�t take my review as a rambling mass of fan-girling gushiness. After I posted it I was a little afraid that it was too much. Especially since I know I over analyze things too much. Glad to know it wasn�t too much and that the review didn�t bother you.

On to the chapter, I always feel that writing a lemon or a sex scene is probably one of the hardest things to write, especially when you�ve written more than one and you don�t want to end up rewriting the scene over and over again, with the only change being the participants. You most definitely don�t have to worry about being accused of that. You tailor each scene, not only to the characters, but also to the implied experiences that they have in your universe. What I mean is that even though you�ve written five different first times, each one is portrayed within their characteristics. Those who had Hollows were easily lead by their instincts (Tatsuki, Ichigo, Asuka, Tsukiyomi) while those who were normal (or as normal as anyone in the Bleach universe can be considered) were a little more hesitant, yet eager and loving (Souken and Sora.) In fact, this was probably the first scene which you�ve written your characters being a little awkward, nervous and a little hesitant while still being very eager to commit to each other through the act of sex. This completely fit their characters. Gwydion in particular I felt was exceptionally written.
On the whole, while not your best sex scene (I feel that should go to the scene should go to the not quite foursome between Tatsuki, Ichigo, King and Queen) it was still an enjoyable chapter to your story.

On the aspect of overpowering I feel you�ve been doing just fine. The original series has the Dragon Ball Syndrome, and while you have incorporated it into your story (there would be no way for you not to since it is part of the original story and to eliminate it, you would have to make it into an alternate universe where Ichigo�s whole back story would have to be disregarded) you�ve also moved away from it. I felt that your view was clearly given with the emphasis on Gwydion�s training, heck on everyone�s training from the next generation, but each person brings their own perception and opinion when they read something.

On a quick side note I want to thank Toast too, since I�m not a member of AFF and if the advise to shut off the function to let non-registered users not been given, I would never have been able to express my adoration for this universe. So Thank You Toast!

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From Watcher on February 26, 2009
GAIIIIIIEEEE! SORRYSORRYSORRYSORRYSORRY!!!!

I... I don't know what to say. I never meant for *that* to happen. I honestly didn't mean to come across as *hating* any of those things.

I thought I had made it clear that I could see how Kaien could have been "one of the girls," as I put it, just as a girl raised among men could be one of the guys. I thought I said that I *liked* the training fight. I thought I said that I *really* liked that Gwydion *wasn't over-powered, that he relied on skill and technique instead of brute force (an idea I had developed separately and plan to include in *my* fanfic.)

I thought, I thought... Geez, I sound like I'm whining. I mean, I thought that when I expressed my dislike of something, I clearly stated that it was a very *moderate* dislike, one that failed to diminish my enjoyment of the whole. I've reread my review a couple of time, and, unlike that stupid, stupid onyx comment, it still sounds very moderate and unoffensive to me.

*Sigh.* This always seems to happen. I really don't mean any harm with my reviews, and I try to keep my criticism fair, one negative for every positive and vice versa.

Besides, I thought that "fluids ruin stories line" was funny. I mean, you finished WTECS years ago. I honestly think you've improved as a writer since then.

I guess mean to say that I apologize. At the risk of sounding like a total, abject jerk, I think you're being a bit thin-skinned (Please notice the word "bit"! I don't mean to offend by pointing that out.) but, given my long history of stupid comments, I do sort of see where you're coming from, and I will endeavor to reduce the hyperbole in my future reviews. If you point out which parts of the review you really hate, I will delete them myself.

Now, to actually read the chapter...
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From tylendel on February 18, 2009
Squeeeeeeeee I got specific mention. *does an awesome dance in celebration*

Onto business then.

I think you've established a very believable repertoire between Soi and Gwydie. The way they interact seems natural, and the convenient time-lapse seems just right. I really like the growth in the characters too, and even though she's really different, Soi still feels like Soi to me. So I guess I'm saying your'e diong a great job at keeping her in character even though you're slowly changing that character. Does that make sense? I hope it makes sense...

Please keep going! I'm so psyched for the next chapter I could pee! ^^
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From Watcher on February 09, 2009
NOOOOOOOOO! After holding the longest review crown for so long, by gatita I am utterly beaten... broken... bushed...

Anyway, on with the review!

The Kaien/Asuka scene seemed a little... girly. I mean, I like both characters, but Kaien came off as reacting more like a fellow girl than a man. I could be wrong. After all, if a girl can be "one of the guys," can't a guy be "one of the girls?"

Plus, while I will protest the whole child-achieved-release-state thing to my grave, I agree. Though my internal Asuka-who-looks-like-Asuka-Langley-with-blue-hair has been stated to look nothing like her, her as a kitten would be cute as a button.

I am glad you spliced in more detailed chunks within the fight scenes. I usually prefer my combat mortal, dirty, and brutal, but it was very good for a training fight. I also like that you have begun to include actual martial arts concepts into the training. It adds to the realism. (It feels truly odd to type that last sentence to describe anything to do with the Bleachiverse.)

Omaeda makes his triumphant entrance, though he appears to have developed a thick suicidal streak during the interval between the end of Bleach and his arrival in the Vision universe. Otherwise, you captured his character quite well, though I argue that Soi and Gwydion's reactions to his antics were a tad out of character, if mildly funny. A year ago I would probably have found them even funnier, but, while I used to really dislike his character, he has begun to grow on me of late.

Furthermore, I disagree with Gwydion's assessment of his abilities. If...

You know, this is going to turn into another King argument like the one we had when I first reviewed. To save time, agree to disagree and move on.

Besides, him dribbling crumbs on Soi was really, really funny.

And don't get me wrong. Please, *please*, for the sake of all that is good, don't give him a pairing. The universe would end before it could contain such a thing.

So, from the final section I deduce that we are rapidly approaching what many readers have doubtless begun reading the story for: the sex. I don't think I've ever commented on your sex scenes before. Well, to start off, I think some of them are good, while others are merely decent. My personal favorites are Chapter Fifteen of WTECS, and both Chapter Eight and the Christmas Scenes of ANW. Unfortunately, as you may already know, those deal more with supporting and secondary characters than the so-called "main pair."

Don't misjudge me. With one exception, I like the more central scenes just fine. I just usually enjoy the less mainstream ones better.

That exception I have had trouble identifying, being too lazy to read through the story in its entirety to find it, but I believe it is the messy, outdoors portion of Chapter Eleven in WTECS. To quote the great sage and lemon critic, DeadEyeDave of /http://www.geocities.com/deadeyedave003/home/, whose MSTs should be required reading for any aspiring lemon writer:

"FLUIDS! F*CKING! RUIN! STORIES! 'Nuff said."

Anyway, I won't pass judgement on the probably-still-unwritten scene. Either way, you're not getting rid of me. I will cling to this story like a barnacle to the hull of a ship. I wanna see who/what the crazy Surgeon is and who/what his plans involve. Excelsior!

P.S. On a purely selfish, unpleasantly random note, I would like to see Jushiro and Unohana make an appearance. They are two of my favorite characters and have an interesting history even within the comics, yet we never really hear about them in the Vision universe.

We are simply informed that they are together, and later that they have a child. I'm not asking for a big sex scene out of Chapter Fifteen of WTECS, but I would rather enjoy at least seeing them make a cameo appearance. It doesn't have to be soon, or at all...

Self-hatred fills me. If the answer is no, forgive my arrogance.
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From moonymuch on February 09, 2009
I liked seeing Kaien and Asuka at the beginning of the chapter - I hope there are more cameos later! Perhaps some with Senna and Zaraki's son (forgot his name already)? And it looks like things are heating up!
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From JHHolliday on February 09, 2009
The story is still enjoyable to read, even though I am a horrible person. By the way, have you ever seen a male gymnast? They're built like steelworkers! They've got triceps the size of a baby's head! There's a larger focus on strength than on flexibility, hence the steelworker thing. Anyway, keep up the good work!
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From ANON - gatita on February 08, 2009
First off, let me congratulate you on writing some well thought out stories, with interesting plotlines and wonderful characterization. You not only take well loved characters and keep them in character, but you also put them in situations where they have to grow. You also take flat secondary characters and give them a depth that wasn�t theirs, something which is hard to do.
Secondly, I read your �What the Eyes Can�t See� and �A New Window� in two days straight. I first wanted to read the series because I found your �The Dreaded Word� first, and it is ridiculously hard to find hetero stories of Soi-Fong. So because I wanted to read her story, I back tracked to read the other stories in the universe you�ve created.

I must admit I�m not a fan of the Tatsuki x Ichigo pairing. But I always give stories a chance to surprise me. And that is exactly what your story did. You gave a creative and, more importantly, plausible basis for their relationship. It wasn�t one of those stories where they instantly fall in love and all is right in the world. You made them struggle, first in getting together and then in staying together. You convinced me to give the pairing a chance. Plus you sprinkled in crack pairings, which are sometimes more fun to read about than the traditional pairings. I think my favorite from your first series was Grimmjow and Chizuru. God, the chapter where he shows up in Ichigo�s classroom and she blushes from the fact that everyone finds out about them made me laugh, it was so unexpected. And the classes reaction! One of my favorite moments out of the whole story.

Another part that stuck in my mind was how Tatsuki conquered her Hollow. Dear lord, that sequence was wonderful. Not only was it a beautifully written sex scene, it was an amazing transition between both couples. Going from one couple to the other without getting lost or annoyed at the switching views, yet it had a tone, an emphasis of them being the same person, so it was an act of just two people, as clich� as it sounds, becoming one. Not quite a foursome, but sometimes hinting at just that. I�m not sure if I�m explaining myself properly, but that scene is one of the most memorable ones to me from your first story. I can�t even imagine how much effort you had to have put into that scene.

Then the interaction between the real world and Soul Society was hilarious. The Women�s Association caused some of the funniest moments in the whole story. The fact that they kidnapped Tatsuki all so they could get her to dish out the gossip cracked me up. Then the interaction between Byakuya and Ichigo, you took their original disdain to grudging acceptance from the series and made them actually respect and like one another. And their fight scene! Some people have problems with action scenes but you managed to write one without it being trite. Instead you managed to make the whole fight come alive in my head as if I was watching a movie. Then the fact that he gave Ichigo his scarf was a total surprise. And then you included the Vizards! They were like the cherry on top of the ice cream sundae. And the interaction between Shinji and Hiyori! Those just made me melt and have series moments of fan-girling. You would not believe how hard it is to find any fanfiction about them. I�ve only found a handful of stories about them.

Another aspect that I enjoyed was the side couples. You had a mix of the traditional pairings that everyone writes about and the crack pairings. While I have no actual preference for couples, mostly because I see Bleach as one of the few series where romantic relationships are not given so much emphasis (heck there are only a handful of recognized pairings, of which almost all are one sided), I tend to have some preferences. That is not to say that I won�t read other pairings, I will as long as they are written well. Some of the pairings I didn�t care for, not because you wrote them wrong, just because I have certain difficulties with them. Hitsuguaya is one of them, mostly because I have difficulty seeing him as a grown character. I adore him, but I always think of him as still a child. I know you made him grow before putting him with Rangiku but I couldn�t quite stomach them. But I adored the fact that you had Nemu with Hanatarou. There interaction was so poignant and heartwarming.

The story is well rounded and fast paced. There is no part which slows down or bored me. You had a roller coaster of emotions displayed by the characters. You had serious moments, hurtful moments and comedic moments. While there are moments which stand out more than others, the graveyard scene where he says goodbye to his mother, the wedding, the conquering of Tatsuki�s Hollow, the tango and many others more, I can honestly say that I enjoyed the whole story completely.

I will admit that even though I enjoyed the first story (how could I not!); I liked the second story much more. You left the first story open with the introduction of the next generation, and you picked it up in the second story. I was skeptical with the second story, not because of the pairings since you won me over on them already, but because original characters are so difficult to sometimes introduce into established worlds. There is so much danger of them becoming Mary Sues and Gary Sues that it can be completely off putting at times. Indeed, you walked on the edge of that danger zone, especially with Kaien. Heck sometimes even Ichigo fell into that category (especially in your first story, yet you had precedence since in the manga that is exactly how Ichigo is portrayed. Too much of the Dragon Ball Syndrome, yet we still keeping coming back for more to see what they do with the story!). And yet even with all that you managed to create interesting original characters that weren�t perfect.

The originality which you put into the Kurosaki children in particular was one of the best aspects of that story. The trouble they faced with their powers was amazing, intricate and somewhat mind boggling. You could tell the thought that went into creating these characters was immense. The fact that you made each child carry one aspect of their parents more than the others was incredible. And to solve the inherent problems they each faced wrung so much emotion from me as a reader. I felt sorrow when you introduced the possibility that they could all die because they were incomplete. Surprised and disturbed when the twins found out they were really triplets and what sacrifice their sister did to insure their survival. Sadness for Kaien when he absorbed Nejibana. And Hatred for Mayuri, who has always been an arrogant, egotistical jackass (which hey you nailed his characterization so kudos to you), but jeez he had no tact what so ever when he just told them that they were going to die. And also his attack on Nemu when she was pregnant was completely immoral (which again is him in character). I was jumped for joy when he was decapitated.
Another thing that I have to compliment you on is the originality of the shikai and bankai of the new characters and their zanpakutous. From the scary ability of Kaiens using whichever zanpakutou has cut him before, Masaki�s ability to fight in syncronicity with Ikasam�s, and Tsukiyoni�s ability to fight while playing skip it (at least that was my first thought when she started fighting!) Plus, on the most ingenious way that you combined Orihime�s power with Uryuu�s power in their kids. I adore Souken, especially his most interesting use for the ability to Reject. And I have a sweet spot for Sora, including the fact that his powers are so different from the rest of his clan. He just seems like such a unique blend of Orihime and Uryuu.

And the couples! You included Kenpachi and Kuukaku. I completely see them as canon and not crack although I imagine many people would see them as a crack pairing. But you have them giving birth to a little boy. I can�t wait to see how he will turn out. I�m not sure who wins the crack award in the second story, Byakuya with Masaki and Ikasam or Mizuru with Miss Ochi. They both were such a shock and a hoot. Although Karin and Ulquiorra pull up right under them. Stangely enough while I see them as crack, they don�t surprise me as much as the other two couples. If I had to pick it would probably be Byakuya with Masaki and Ikasam (whose introduction brought surprise and wonderment to the story). I mean somehow I would never have pictured Byakuya in a threesome. Wait no I just remember the crack pairing goes to Nel and Kon. Oh God, I was so surprised with that pairing. I think for a while my brain just broke and I had to re-read to make sure I had seen that pairing.

In fact all the couples were a masterful continuation on those from the first story and the inclusion of the new generation. In fact my only disappointment would have to stem from the fact that Hiyori and Shinji are only mentioned and not actually show up. I would love to see their daily life and their kid!

I honestly feel that you can see the difference between the two stories. �What the Eyes Can�t See� is a well crafted story but �A New Window� is so much better. The story is better crafted; the fighting sequences longer, more fluid and more visually appealing. At least for me they are. They all play like a movie in my head. The characters are all more developed, maybe because they were original characters you had more room to play and expand into without making the characters unbelievable.

I�ll admit, because of the level of entertainment and improvement from the first story to the second story, I had high expectation for �The Dreaded Word�. Especially since it was the story that I originally wanted to read first. I can happily say that my expectations were well founded. You picked up directly where the second story left off and went right into the new story.
I know Soi-Fong is a flat character in the manga. They gave her a background and left her as that. Thus why I was so happy that you�ve actually made her grow and change. I was surprised with Gwydion. At first I thought he might have been too similar to Soi-Fong, but as the story progressed I realized it helped that, while they are not exact duplicates, they do have a similar basis which would help them understand each other.

It is interesting to see how you perceive Soi-Fong�s thought process. There have been times that I have been surprised with how she has acted. I particularly liked how she reacted to growing up. She faced all the confusion, misunderstanding and self-doubt, facing her inner turmoil in such a way that shows she was ready to start something with Gwydion. Plus it is rather sweet how she acts, blushing and being awkward around him. Though obviously it is the only way she can act since it is the proper characterization for someone who has never dated or even fallen for someone with actual reciprocation.

I�ll admit sometimes I�ve wanted to slap both Soi-Fong and Gwydion over the head for their behavior. Gwydion sometimes gets a little to angsty for me, but again I expect him to outgrow that so I tolerate it. Mostly it�s his self-esteem that makes me grit my teeth with him. Although I do enjoy when Izanami metaphorically smacks him. It is exactly what I want to do to him. With Soi-Fong the only time I�ve wanted to smack her was when she ran away. I think it was reasonable since all I wanted to do was yell at her to accept the date, which let me tell you, it looks weird when you�re yelling at your laptop! Of course I cheered when she goes back and accepts.

The antagonists are still shadowy figures who I keep trying to puzzle out. I have some vague assumptions about them, but gain you haven�t given us to many clues (which of course makes us come back to keep reading so kudos to you!). I don�t like Ai, but it is only because she stinks of being a home wrecker, which I imagine was the point of her character.

Also the Shinigami�s Women Association strikes again. The fact that they followed them on their date was probably the funniest point in the story so far. God they are hilarious!

All that being said, I�m saddened that you feel people aren�t enjoying your story or even reading it anymore. I sincerely hope that you don�t abandon the story and that you know I�ve thoroughly enjoyed your exploration into the Bleach universe. Also I would like to thank you for writing these stories and to know that I�ll certainly keep reading your story until it is finished.

I hope that this long review isn�t a bother but I felt that I had to express my appreciation for your work. That being said I don�t believe the rest of my reviews will be this long. Especially since I�ve been spoiled in that the other stories were complete when I went to read them. With �The Dreaded Word� I�ll have to wait for the updates. Oh well. I await the next chapter with glee and anticipation.
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From yansuke on February 08, 2009
this story is coming along just great! do what you do best!!!
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From Jennyt82 on February 07, 2009
Right, well i had to sign up to review this story and i've been following it for a while but because i hadn't registered i couldn't review. If it's possible to turn that off then i think that you might get more reviews. Anyway, i love this story i really do so i had to review because you sounded like you might just stop writing it but don't! Your characters are very real and vivid and the story line is really interesting as well. Now that i've signed up you can expect a review from me for every chapter that you post. So update soon.
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From tylendel on February 05, 2009
*sigh*

I loves it when they get make-overs. It might be inexcusably girly of me, but it just makes me squeeeeeeee ^^

But besides that, I like it. The whole time I was reading your story, I was all tensed up, like, "ZOMG IZZI GONNA GET ATTAKKID! OH NOES!" But with that last chapter, it was like I could breathe a sigh of relief. I'm also kinda grateful for the time-skip. It'll give the characters the time-frame to take their relationship to the next level without seeming rushed or hurried. Knowing how inexperienced and *cough* uptight *cough* Soi is, we know she'd take a while before loosening up to get to that next level, and let's face it, we all wanna see them take it to the next level *giggle*

Please carry on! You've made a Soi fan out of me. *waves Soi flag*

P.S. This is like the squillionth time I try to post this up, except aff finds it so tasty it keeps eating half of it... So forgive my pseudo-psycho persistence in reviewing.
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From moonymuch on January 31, 2009
I really like Gwydion's relationship with Izanami. It's very sweet.

Love all of the appearances by the SWA, too. I hope there will be more cameos in the future!
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From Watcher on January 29, 2009
This sensation, it is called joy. I comes from allowing your characters to be *happy*. Learn it, love it, seek it.

I appreciate that all of Gwydion's several powers have been hinted at over the course of the story. The "knowing" command seems a bit off to me, but all the same, I do like the pen's creativity and very real attempts to limit its power. (If I could sketch anything into existence, I would definitely go for a killer robot, not a single throwing weapon, but hey, to each his own.) Besides, the true effectiveness of any narrative device must be assessed by its execution.

"Here and now, I shake off the last lingering shackles of the chains of the Gothic Road that have bound me for so long! I shall walk the Way of Joy, forsaking all angst forever, until the very hour of my death. God help me. Kyrie Eleison!" And Gwydion, we're all with you. Or I am anyway.

While I enjoyed the gist of Gwydion's conversation with Izanami and its ultimate effects, I did find it a little too wordy and obtuse. I was comforted to see that Gwydion shared the sentiment. I don't mind lengthy conversations, and your word choice wasn't bad, but that particular talk seemed to be missing something. I can't quite put my finger on what. I'll amend this review if I do.

Yes! The Women's Association is on its third straight appearance and counting! Rock! All that they touch turns to comic gold, like some sort of odd Midas who got his wish when Dionysus was even drunker than usual.

Anyway, to conclude, I did like this chapter, despite my few complaints, and I look forward to reading on after the time skip. (A decision I support. All relationships take time to develop, and, unlike the characters in your other stories, Soi and Gwydion aren't childhood friends.) Happy trails, and may the joy-spring of your heart water us all!
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