Adult-FanFiction.org : Bleach

Reviews for Sinner

By : TillThatTime

From HouseofDeValle on March 19, 2008
This delay was caused by factors entirely out of my control - Midterm exams. Horrid things, those. Ah, but never you mind my ramblings! I have another delay in this review that actually directly caused me to actively make time. I read your review on my humble piece of fiction. Reading through that...I had a really big grin on my face, to the point where people were wondering if there was something wrong with me. It was so sincere that I'm going to have to redouble my efforts on the next, final chapter, but your review really, really raised the bar for me. Now I have a clue what you must feel like whenever you get reviews you find most enjoyable.

I think this chapter, the sixth in your tale, is my new favorite. Chapter four's role as my esteemed compatriot has just been usurped by the the chapter that tackled the dragon, if I might borrow the quote from the Looking For Group webcomic. I think of it in two parts - the desert and the main course, in that order. My reasoning for this, if you'll permit me some creative leeway with language mechanics, is backwards twofold. The main portion of your text, the confrontations between Nnoitra and Hitsugaya, and later Ichimaru, was the sugary treat in advance of the meal. Though disproportionate to one another, and I swear it'll all make sense soon, the resolution to the conflict, leaving Ichimaru and Hitsugaya in its aftermath, flips it on its head (in a good way, I assure you) and fills the stomach up in the way that only small portions of a grand meal can.

That's a very, very contrived way of saying I liked how you set up this chapter and I liked what each piece of the proverbial meal meant. I do apologize for the complexity of it - I have a knack for using a lot of vocabulary unnecessarily, a habit I think defines my style in a way. Not particularly in a hurry to solve it. That is to say, I'm not rushin' to fix it.

...Well, before I start off on another tangent, thanks again for your review, and I look forward to writing and reading more~
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From Crya2Evans on March 16, 2008
Mmmm, blood licking. Sorry, had to get that out of the way.

I missed reviewing chapter five. *bows head* Gomen. I check aff very rarely for updates because I've gotten so disappointed. But it is clear to say that I am still very, very much interested and intrigued by your fic! I love your characterization. Such a mix of innocence and determination. You have Hitsugaya's surly character and yet, you have captured that he is still very young (well, for a Shinigami anyways). I love it.

I also found it quite interesting that Hitsugaya had been thinking about how much he hated his hair and then, it was one of the comments that Nnoitra made. Very, very good bit there. I love how you depicted Nnoitra. Silly fifth espada, to actually think he can take down Ichimaru. *shakes head* But that is indeed his character. And Gin is knowing as always. I think Ichimaru is very aware of his value to Aizen, and it's far, far more than Nnoitra's value. The two are not even on the same scale. But I won't go on this tangent (even though I have already partially *grin*).

Still loving this story very much. I eagerly await what you have next to bring us.

~Dracoqueen22~

PS> Thanks for reviewing for me! I felt incredibly happy to see that you had!
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From Kaikai on March 15, 2008
Love it!!! This story is so awesome... please continue!!!
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From ANON - Monica on March 14, 2008
*smiles* You are like so talented! Yup I do agree! and that's what makes your story all the more exciting! OMG! and I so thought that snowy-chan was going to get felt up on some more lol good thing Gin came just before it got anymore deeper or I do believe Gin wouldn't be smiling anymore lol

love Monica
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From Catarotta on March 14, 2008
-places Till over her knee and spanks- Bad you for not having an account on msn. For shame. -smiles and then laughs- Loved the new one. Also..I love ya also..And as long as the closet has internet and food..I'm good. Oh and sex. Must have the sex. I'm a growing young woman after all and I have urges to forefill. Now go get an msn account! -commands as she gives 'the look'- Takes two seconds and then we can chat to our hearts content about Ichimaru and Hitsugaya. Think of the possibilties....As a gift to you...A small peice of yaoi..Involving our boys..

Hands crowded him. Tugged. Pulled. He fought avidly but in clear vain. He heard that giggle and knew who it was. Rage filled him and his struggling increased, wanting to get away from the hands of Ichimaru. "Ma..Ma..Ya movin' t'much.." came a almost lazy drawl that had Hitsugaya snarling. He lashed his feet out only to have his entire form suddenly pinned down with the larger man's weight.

"Get the hell off of me, Ichimaru!" he raged. He was tisked like a disobidient child.

"Such language from ya. No need t'be rude," he was repremanded lightly, causing a scowl to settle on his lips. "An' that look is not pretty on ya," Ichimaru added as his face came into view for Toushiro. The fox grin made his left eye twitch. Ichimaru's eyes opened a fraction and oceanic orbs glittered in glee. Before another word could be uttered from his lips, Toushiro found his mouth covered with a pair of demanding ones. He tried to break the kiss but Ichimaru would not have it. Toushiro bucked and whined in protest as his mouth was claimed by the older man. It was when Ichimaru ground against his crotch that had Toushiro gasping and the other took advantage of the situation and slid his tongue within the ice prince's mouth....

Just a little treat form me for all your hard work. And as for Ichimaru's eyes being blue in mine. In the manga his eyes are blue...And I like them that way..lol..Hope you enjoyed! Much love and kisses!
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From ANON - Esther on March 13, 2008
Oh man... It's pure pleasure to read this.
I can't say it enough times, you really capture Ichimaru. I freaking love him.
And it was really good how you used Hitsugaya's hair as a red thread through the chapter. Well done.

It's gonna be interesting to see how the story evolve.

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From ANON - kris on March 13, 2008
im in lust with this story, it almost kills me having to wait for your updates. but please do update again soon.
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From madammalia on March 13, 2008
Yay for another chapter. Again, wonderfully written. When you said that Ichimaru and Hitsugaya were your favorite characters, I can't say I was surprised. In all honesty, I've always been a fan of Hitsugaya and...intrigued?...by Gin. Was never a fan of Gin/Hitsugaya until I started reading your work here (although, I will admit that I wrote a Gin/Hitsu oneshot...very short and very dark). You portray them so well and just like Peter Jackson and Lord of the Rings, since you're a true fan, you do an amazing job of sticking to the facts and keeping the characters true to their canon personalities. That on top of your great writing skills makes this piece a joy to read...and has actually turned me into a shipper of Gin/Hitsugaya. (^_^)

And I'll agree with you concerning Nnoitra. He so easily falls into that category, but he plays the part so well, so I can't blame you for choosing him. The glaring contest you had between Nnoitra and Gin was perfect...the imagery was great and their characters never felt odd or out of place, making me feel almost as frightened as Hitsugaya was at their little confrontation. (^_~) You apologized for making Hitsugaya whiny at the beginning, but in all honesty, i don't think it didn't come across that way. Your explanation for why Hitsugaya hated white...hated his hair...it was all so very much in character and sounded so much like him, how he would go about loathing it silently, only his glare showing that he is/was the slightest bit put off. Absolutely amazing. I can't wait for the next chapter.
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From ANON - Sean on March 12, 2008
*heh* thanks for the plushie ^-^ Love the chapter by the way, poor Hitsugaya if only he didn't reek fuckable lol can't wait for the next chapter
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From Chiyo on March 12, 2008
I love this story! Characterisation is spot on! 'Shiro as that boy who so desperately wants to be a man, and most of the time succeeds. Most of the time. And Gin... This fic makes me love him even more, for the way that I can NEVER tell what the hell is going on with him.

And yes, I think Nnoitra seems at home in that role.

Can't wait for an update! I hope you don't leave us hanging too long, 'cause I just NEED to know!
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From ANON - Misaka on March 01, 2008
I like plainly everything about this story. The tension between Hitsugaya and Gin is awesome, the slow development is perfect. Gin and Hitsugaya stay, unlike many other stories in my opinion, pretty much in character which is great!
Please continue writing, I can't await the next chapters!
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From HouseofDeValle on February 26, 2008
Haha, I never expected my reviews meant so much to you! Now I've got to meet each of your stunning chapters with a right and proper statement of my own...no pressure or anything. And, although *technically* I reviewed this at Midnight, we can still count it as today. I like to think that tomorrow doesn't start until I wake up, but that's just me...afraid, though, that this one may lack in its usual splendor. Think of it as a...filler review. I apologize if it's substandard, I'm exhausted, but I have time now, so best to act while the chance is present.

Quite the build up to Ichimaru's final words, which leave something of a chill in the air. The fact that he lost his smile was a rather significant moment, though, and I certainly picked up on that. Seems like he doesn't want to see Toshiro hurt, not physically at least, this early in. Yet he kept up the games, faltering for but a moment before getting back into stride. But Toshiro was all over the board - confused, angry, hurt, and that itself lent to a strong contrast. Shame the chapter was so short, but often the best things in life are to be taken in moderation. Alas, the die has been cast, and I feel that within the next two, perhaps three, chapters, something big will happen. Dunno if it's going to be a good or bad big, or even if I'm imagining it - it is a little bit late - but the conflict is boiling over. Shall we see a bang, or would you tease us with a fizzle?
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From madammalia on February 23, 2008
aaah...*sigh*....I just had to read this again. (^_^) I love your descriptions, how you keep them in character so well, the emotions behind everything...it's such a beautiful piece. I told my sister about this story (she's a huge fan of shounen-ai/yaoi in general so I thought maybe she'd appreciate this story with how well written it is). I look forward to the next chapter! And until then, I'll probably be re-reading this again and again till you update. (^_~)
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From ANON - Azumi-chan on February 21, 2008
This story is . . . wow . . . Hitsugaya is my favorite character and it is just brilliant to pair him with Gin. I always felt that he had more than one side and you are portraying it so perfectly, not to mention that you are still keeping Hitsugaya in character as well. I am completely hooked to this story, it is so well written and I feel as though the actual writers' of Bleach have written this as a side story, it's that well written really! The plot is orginal as well, I can't wait for the next chapter. Keep up the good work and I have to thank you for taking your writing so seriously, I can tell you work so hard on this story.
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From ANON - kristin on February 21, 2008
Magnificent as always! I think everybody will agree that you deserve applauds on that one. Very deep and capturing chapter! Please, do update soon! I honestly enjoy the story. It might as well be the only reason why I occasionally visit this site.
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